02x22 - Team Leader

[bunniefuu]

[ Whistle blows on TV ]

Come on!
That wasn´t a foul!

God, it´s not like when we used
to play basketball, huh?

No blood, no foul.

What are you talking about?
The only time there was blood

was when the coach
threw a rock at you

to get you off the court.

Hey, I could´ve been pro

if I was a little bit faster
and a little bit taller

and maybe a little bit
more coordinated.

[ Whistle blows on TV ]

What are we going
to do now?

Hey, man, you gotta go.
I gotta finish

these employee evaluations.

Oh, yeah, evaluations.
Hey, what´d you say about me?

Let´s see. Ernesto cardenas --

"he´s punctual, hardworking,
loyal, good with kids,

"and only occasionally
messes in the house."

Hey, don´t write that.

It´s okay. I also said you got
intelligent eyes

and a shiny coat.

Fine, don´t tell me.

Don´t worry about it, brother.
I got you covered.

Oh, hey,
you dropped your keys.

Oh.

Ha ha.
They´re in your hand.

Good boy.

George, I got it.
I thought of the perfect job

to help pay for carmen´s
private school.

It´s something that I love
to do, i´m good at,

and i´ve been doing it
since I was 16.

Whoa, honey,
we´re not that desperate.

I´m talking about makeup.
Carmen, come down here!

I should be selling
beauty products.

I´m really good at matching
color to skin tone.

Look at Carmen.

Wow...angie,
she looks great.

She can´t leave the house
looking like that,

but she looks great.

Well, what´s the point
of looking great

if I can´t leave
the house?

Because I worry
about you.

Honey, when you were born,
I held you in my arms

and I looked at you,
and I said to myself,

that is one ugly baby.

No boy´s going to want
to go near that.

So are you saying i´m turning
into a beautiful young woman?

You got your words,
I got mine.Off with you.

Hi, dad.

Why is my son
wearing makeup?

I wanted to practice
on somebody

with a different coloring
than Carmen.

Plus, i´ve got
great cheekbones.

Oh.

You know, I saw this coming
when he was six months old

and reached for my earrings.

Come on, Max,
let´s wash the makeup off.

Hey, mom, you can´t stay here.
I´m doing employee evaluations.

Ooh, you´re doing them
this early?

That´s not good.
Why not?

Well, because every time
they do early evaluations,

it´s to figure out who they´re
going to lay off.

The powers brothers never said
anything about layoffs.

Oh, they know
that if they told you,

you would give everyone
good evaluations

because you care
about your employees.

p*nsy.

I can be tough
when I need to be.

I gave Ernie
a couple of 6s.

I better make those 9s.

George, we read
your evaluations,

we made
some tough decisions.

Listen, guys, I have
to tell you,

I think layoffs
are a bad idea.

What, we´re not laying
anybody off.

No, in fact, we need
to speed up production

to meet the deadline
for the Blackwell project.

We´re making four people
team leaders.

So we are promoting
Charlie Morris,

latisha Harris, buddy Palmer,
and Ernesto cardenas.

Team leader -- Ernie?

Yeah, you gave him all 9s.

He deserves
to be leading a team.

You know, it´s funny. All this
time, we thought he was just

the boob at the company picnic
who eats all the pies.

So, who are they firing?

If it´s crazy Carlos,
i´m not coming in tomorrow,

because he´s a sh**ter.

They´re not firing anybody,
they´re making four people

team leaders,
and one of them is Ernie.

Ernie? Well, he can´t lead
a fly to dog poop.

Well, I gave him
a good evaluation

because you told me
there were going to be firings.

Man, I should´ve known better
than to listen

to the woman who said
that the tooth fairy

and Santa claus shot
each other,

so don´t expect anything
this year.

Well, you can´t let Ernie
be a team leader.

Nobody´s going to take orders
from that clown,

especially his team.
They´re tough.

Hey, remember when Bobby
lost his hand

and they kept passing it around
and high-fiving it?

Well, I gotta talk to Ernie
before the powers brothers do.

Maybe I can convince him
not to take the job.

Who knows? He probably
doesn´t want it, anyways.

Whoo-hoo!

This is the greatest day
of my life!

I´m team leader,
i´m team leader,

i´m team leader,
i´m team leader!

♫ all my friends ♫

♫ know the lowrider ♫

[ Doorbell rings ]

Angie:
Max, can you get that?

All right!

Hi there.

Mom, there´s a girl who looks
like one of carmen´s friends,

but Carmen doesn´t have
any friends!

Hi, can I help you?

Yes, i´m Stephanie,
from la Marie cosmetics.

I´m here to train
Angie Lopez.

I´m Angie. Come on in.

Excuse me for asking,
but, uh,

how old are you?

I´m 42, but i´ve been using
la Marie rejuvenating cream

for, like,
that last 20 years.

You´re already selling.

Come on, why don´t we go
to the kitchen

where it´s quieter, hmm?

All right, why don´t we just
jump right in here,

and you can try your
sales pitch out on me?

Okay.

Um...

Well, Stephanie, thank you for
coming to my la Marie party.

I know you´re not looking
for bananas,

´cause we don´t sell bananas.

You must be looking
for makeup.

So what can I do you for?

Okay. You suck.

Let´s just talk about
the products one by one.

Okay.

You know what? I notice

that you have the most
beautiful eyes.

Thank you.

If we could just do something
about those crow´s feet

and those worry lines...

Crow´s feet and worry lines?

All right,
see what I did there?

It´s called a give and take.
I give you a compliment,

and then I take it away
by pointing out a flaw.

When women feel insecure,
they´re more likely to buy.

That´s not in the manual.

Next Thursday is your
very first makeup party.

Here at the house, okay?
Now let me just run to the car

and get some of the new products
that we´re pushing.

Oh, George, this is my
la Marie supervisor.

Stephanie, this is
my husband George.

Hi, George.
Hi.

I can tell you´re
a very hard-working man,

by the bags
underneath your eyes.

You should try our la Marie
cucumber man mask.

You know, thanks,
but i´m married.

I don´t give a crap
how I look.

Ha ha.

You´re in a good mood.

I got a big problem at work.

They made Ernie team leader.

Whose screwup was that?

Mine. I gave him
too good an evaluation.

George, he´s not a leader. What
happens if he does a bad job?

His line will fall behind.

Oh, great,
and then he´ll look bad,

and you´ll look bad
for recommending him.

And you´ll look bad
for marrying me.

I´m not going down alone,
Angie.

George, you have
to tell him

it was a mistake.

Even though
he´s your best friend,

you are the manager.

You have got to make
the hard decisions,

no matter how much
it hurts him.

[ Knock on door ]

Hey, guys.
Ernie!

Congratulations, team leader!

We are so proud of you!

Man, team leader --
isn´t that something, George?

Hey, did you ever think
we´d both be management?

No.

Hey, listen, Ernie,

it´s a tough job, man,
and...

Maybe not everyone´s going
to see you as a team leader.

And that´s why it means so much
that you did.

George, all this time,
I thought I was happy

with being
just another worker.

But then you moved up,
and I started to realize

maybe I could do more
with my life.

George, I want this.

I can do this.

I´m not going
to disappoint you.

I´m going to kick
some a*s for you, man!

That´s what
a team leader does.

He kicks butt and cries
all over his boss.

That´s right,
let it all out.

George, I need for you to sign
off on my inspection forms.

Not now, mom, i´m busy.

Well, how far behind
are you?

Let me see. Today´s Tuesday.
If I work 12 hours a day,

six days a week...

The average man lives
to be 74...

I´m latino.
Make that 71.

I´m married. 70.

You´re still alive.
Make that 54.

So you´re really going
to let Ernie be team leader?

He´ll be fine, mom.

He´ll be fine?
Look at Mr. Team leader.

They´re playing keep-away
with his clipboard.

Well, it´s his responsibility.
He´s got to control his team.

He´s on his own now.

I´m not going to fix this
like when he was a kid.

He´s afraid of the dark!
Come on!

Hey, stop spinning
the team leader!

It´s okay, George. They were
just hazing the new boss.

You know, Ernie, they want you
down in H.R.

To do your paperwork.

Okay. Yeah, I want you guys
on your machines.

We´re going to have
a hard day´s work.

We´re going
to give it 110%.

Because who makes
the best rear axle

stabilizer struts
in the business?

Boeing.

Well, who makes
their cheap knockoffs?

We do!
All right!

Listen up, we got
a big deadline to meet.

So I haven´t got time for you
guys to screw around with Ernie.

So as far as you´re concerned,
i´m your team leader,

and ernie´s
your cheerleader, okay?

You can listen
to his pep talks,

but if you´ve got a problem,
you come to me.

And all this
is off the record, okay?

I don´t want him to know
anything about this.

Hey, H.R. was closed,
so i´m going to go back later.

Why is everybody
standing around?

Come on, you should be
on your machines, let´s go!

And I think this la Marie
concealer

would match
your skin tone perfectly.

I don´t usually wear
concealer.

Oh.

You know, I just noticed you
have such great

bone structure.

It almost draws
the attention away

from that sun damage
on your cheeks.

I have sun damage?

Well, how many people are going
to be this close to you?

I´d like
to have a boyfriend...

I´m sorry, Angie. I kinda
have to be someplace.

I just wanted
to look at lipsticks.

Oh, great.
A nice dark red

will really
pull the men´s eyes out

from all that loose skin
under your chin.

You noticed that?

I lost 150 pounds, but...

I can´t do anything
about the loose skin.

Oh, my god, i´m so sorry.
You´re fine.

Look, i´m just
making things up

because my daughter had
to leave public school

because the girls
were calling her a wh*re.

So we had to put her
in an expensive private school,

and that´s why
I took this job.

So you guys don´t have to buy
anything if you don´t want.

We all have loose skin.

Look, I swallowed
a pencil.

I didn´t know
about your daughter.

I´ll take some lipstick.

God, Angie, why didn´t you just
say you needed the money?

I´ll take
two emergency kits.

My sister´s a dog.

Thank you so much.

Why don´t you guys check out
the rest of my inventory

in the kitchen, huh?

Thank you, yeah,
thank you.

Your sympathy means
so much to me!

And you, missy,

I am not going to prey
on women´s insecurities

just to make a buck.

I´m going to use pity.
It works for me.

Well, you know, that´s not going
to work on everyone.

But it has to.

If I can´t pay back
the loan,

we´re going to have
to take my daughter out

of private school, and we´re
going to have to give up

the special tutors
for my dyslexic son,

and we could still lose
the car, even the house...

Everything.

Oh, my god,
i´m so sorry...

I had no idea that --

you´re lying.

Am I?

Or am I just that pathetic?

George.

You won´t believe it. I sold
so many cosmetics today.

I´m ordering more inventory.

Oh, my god.
What is all that?

Well, the George that does
ernie´s job is done for the day.

This is all the crap that the
George who does george´s job

still has to do tonight.

I´m glad i´m not him.

Well, we did talk
about this.

Are you ready
to hear it?

All right, let me get a beer.

Ready now?

Oh, can I get comfortable?

Now?

Dance it for me.

I told you so,
I told you so,

I told you so.

You know, when you do it
like that,

I almost enjoy being wrong.

Don´t expect a dance
every time you´re wrong.

I don´t have that kind
of energy.

[ Knock on door ]

Hey, Ernie, what´s up?

Oh, nothing. I just went
to have some beers

with frank and the guys.

Oh, yeah, how many beers
did frank have?

Oh, let me see, uh...


who don´t you appreciate?

Look, look, Ernie --

a cheerleader?
George, you told the guys

I was only a cheerleader.

How could you betray me
like that?

Well, the guys weren´t
supposed to tell you.

I can´t believe you went
behind my back like that.

If you didn´t think I was good
enough to be a team leader,

then why the hell
did you recommend me?

It was a mistake.

Look, man, you´re too nice
a guy to be a team leader.

I was just trying
to protect you.

Since when have I needed you
to protect me?

How about
our entire childhood?

Ernie, I saved your butt,
like, a thousand times, man.

Everybody took advantage
of you --

bullies, girls...

Remember that special needs kid
you ended up pushing around

in a wheelchair
in high school?

Yeah?
When I found out
he was faking it,

I beat the crap
out of him!

So he wasn´t
special needs?

Well, he was deaf.

You beat up a deaf guy?

For you, Ernie,
for you!

Well, i´m an adult now.

Stop treating me
like a baby brother,

and let me sink or swim
on my own.

So you think
you can motivate your guys

to meet
the Blackwell deadline?

Yeah.

How?

Five simple words --

pizza party at the zoo.

You know, it was a crappy idea
on prom night,

and it´s a crappy idea now.

Hey, i´m going
to do this.

And you know what?
After I pull this off,

I want you to dress up
and be my cheerleader...

At a time and place
of my choosing.

All right. And what happens
if you don´t pull it off?

I will run around the factory
three times naked.

Well, who wins there, Ernie?

Okay, team leaders,
tomorrow, we ship to Blackwell.

I´ll need those status reports.

Hey, George,
where the hell is Ernie?

I don´t know.

But we need his report now,
George.

Okay, guys, listen,
ernie´s report isn´t in,

and I take full responsibility
for this. I recommended him.

When Ernie looks bad,
I look bad,

and when I look bad,
Angie looks bad.

So let´s focus on her.

I, uh, sorry we´re late.
Hey, uh, guess where we were.

I´m thinking knee-deep
in bourbon.

No, the zoo. We met
our deadline early,

so I took my team out
for a pizza party.

We thought it was going
to be stupid,

but it was actually fun.
Although, eating pizza

underneath the bird show
was actually pretty stupid.

Yeah.

Oh, uh, I hope
all the other team leaders

met their deadlines?

Yep, they all did.

Okay, but did they see
a baby rhino being born?

I don´t think so.

Good work, Ernie.
Well done.

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

Congratulations, man.

How´d you do it?

Remember a couple
of years ago,

I got switched over from
the lathe to the punch press?

And I wanted to prove myself,
so I worked harder.

I figured if I switched
all my guys to new machines,

they´d work harder, too.

Well, i´m proud of you.

And your elephant looks
pretty happy, too.

Ha ha ha ha!

Hey!

We´re not done, George.

Hey, Paul, corner pocket.

Ha ha ha!

Hey, George.
You know what I want.

Come on.

A bet´s a bet.

Ready...

Okay!

♫ oh, Ernie, you´re so fine,
you´re so fine ♫

♫ you run the line,
hey, Ernie ♫

♫ hey, Ernie ♫

♫ oh, Ernie, you´re so fine,
you´re so fine ♫

♫ you changed my mind,
hey, Ernie ♫

♫ hey, Ernie ♫

All right,
nobody gives me any crap,

but you can buy me drinks.

You ready to hear it?

No, wait,
let me get a beer.

You ready now?

Let me get comfortable.

Now?

Dance it for me.

You told me so,
you told me so,

you told me so.