02x13 - Super Bowl

[bunniefuu]

Come on, boy.
Come through the tube.

Come on, boy.
I´ve got a treat.

What´s going on, Max?

I´m training Mr. Needles.

I want to enter him in
the dog show.

Does Mr. Needles
have papers?

Oh, no, ´cause I don´t
think it´s right

that Mr. Needles has papers
and some of our relatives don´t.

Hey, Max...

Maybe Mr. Needles needs to see
you run the course,

you know, so he knows
what to do.

Okay.

Pay attention,
Mr. Needles.

I´m only gonna show
you this once.

[ Grunting ]

Ew.

I know where that
tongue´s been.

I´m really sorry
to hear that.

Of course
we can come down.

Okay, take care.
Bye.

I´ve got some bad news.

Oh, that´s good --
lots of drama.

Listen, when you say it,
go like this,

and then go
♫ dun dun dun! ♫

No.

This is serious.

Now, that was uncle joe´s
girlfriend.

Your brother´s dying,
Benny.

Oh, man.

So?

What´s the bad news?

Come on, mom!
Don´t be like that!

Benny, I know how you
feel about Joe,

but he wants you to go down
to San Diego to say goodbye.

I said goodbye to him


when he cheated me
out of my money.

I don´t believe her!

The man is dying and she´s
not gonna talk to him

because of some stupid grudge
over a super bowl bet?

The lopezes
are proud people,

and when there´s principle at
stake, we don´t compromise.

That´s just
the Lopez way.

They´re fighting over $20.

We´re petty, too.

This is so sad.

Joe´s not even that old.

His girlfriend didn´t
say what he had,

and I didn´t want to ask.

I bet it was the bump.

The bump?

Yeah, remember when I told you
he visited two years ago,

he had a huge bump on the side
of his neck?

[ Whistling ]

Georgie!

Uncle Joe!

Whoa!

Gimme a hug.

Hey --

hey!

Wow,
it´s been a long time.

Anything, uh, new going on
in your life, Joe?

Same old,
same old.

So nothing´s new.

I guess nothing´s
popped up?

No, but I could use a soda,
though.

Long trip from San Diego,
you know?

How was the traffic, Joe?
Was it bump-- uh...

Bumper to bumper?

A little bit, but I had to come
up and talk to your mama.

I want
to make things right.

Oh, hey, man.

Wow, hearing that gives me
a lump in my throat.

Or a little to the left.

What the hell is that coming
out of your neck?!

It looks like you´re
growing a second head!

Who told you?

The head told me!

It went like this --
orale.

If you don´t like it,
don´t look at it.

Joe, that looks serious.
Have you been to the doctor?

I´m treating it myself.
I drink warm ginger ale.

Well, if it gets any
bigger, Joe,

you can use the car-pool Lane
going home.

Joe?!

Benny, i´m ready to settle
our bet.

I brought you your money.

Where are you keeping it,
in your neck wallet?!

What the hell is
that thing?!

It´s fine.
Don´t worry about it.

Look,
I didn´t come here to fight.

I came to make peace
with my only sister.

I got your money.

That´s $10.
You owe me $20.

I still don´t think I owe you
anything,

but i´m willing to meet you
halfway, so take the $10.

No, it´s $20 or nothing.

Why can´t you just call it even
so we can Bury the hatchet?

Speaking of hatchet,
Joe, you might want to...

You know, I don´t give a crap
about the $20, okay?

You cheated me.

Of course, I should
have known better

to let my brother
be my bookie.

I did not cheat you.

Yes, you did.

No, I didn´t!

Oh!

Look, mom, what fell out
of joe´s pocket.

It´s a 20!
See? There.

Problem solved.
Now kiss and make up.

I´m not taking it unless he
gives it to me.

I´m not giving it to you.

Uh...
[ Chuckles ]

Joe, that´s my 20.

No, it isn´t.

Come on, man, it is!

No, it isn´t.

See?!
You see how he is, George?!

Ah, forget it.
You´re never gonna change.

You´re the same nasty, bitter
woman you´ve always been,

except now
you´re an inch shorter!

Well, screw you and the bump
that rode in on you!

Wonder how big the bump
is now.

Well...ginger ale is good for
treating growths...

As long as you take it
with chemotherapy!

Look, you have gotta convince
your mother to visit Joe.

She needs closure.

If he dies before she gets a
chance to talk to him,

she´s gonna regret it
for the rest of her life.

Angie, my mom doesn´t regret
anything.

Except maybe not getting a
bigger TV during the riots.

All right.
I´ll talk to her.

Mom, Angie wants me
to talk to you.

Save your breath.
I´m not seeing Joe.

But he´s dying.

I mean, this is your last chance
to make things right,

to get closure.

Closure?!
You know what?

I would rather give birth to you
as a grown man

than see that snake.

How can you treat your only
brother this way?

How?

I´ll tell you how --
you don´t screw family.

Joe and I grew up together.
We shared a room.

Oh, but now
that he´s got money,

now that he wears
gold chains

and goes to the super bowl
every year,

he can´t give up 20 freakin´
bucks to his own sister!

Look, your mom´s gone
and your dad´s gone.

He´s all you have left!
Forget the 20!

You said it yourself --
you don´t screw family!

I don´t know.

We´re a proud people.

Save it for somebody that
doesn´t know us.

You have a birthday dinner
every month at denny´s.

We´re not that proud.

Well...

Come on, mom!

You know...

He might not be using his
super bowl tickets this year.

He could give them to
a forgiving sister.

You know what?

I need closure.

[ Intro to w*r´s "low rider"
plays ]

♫ all my friends
know the low rider ♫

♫ the low rider
is a little higher ♫

Is my mom still in
with Joe?

Yeah!
Where have you been?!

I told you I was gonna get
sandwiches.

That was hours ago!

I have been hit on by four of
your cousins,

and one of them
was so overcome with grief,

he collapsed into my lap
and stayed there.

Hey, jimmy´s here!
I taught him that move.

Where´s Joe?

We´re his cousins from
Albuquerque.

Oh, i´m Angie, and this is
his nephew George.

Joe´s in his bedroom
with his sister.

Oh, crap!
She´s gonna take the tickets!

What tickets?

Joe´s super bowl tickets.

Why do you think we drove all
the way here from Albuquerque?

George, did your mom come down
here for super bowl tickets?

Tickets?

I don´t know anything
about tickets.

Gentlemen, what is this
pertaining to?

You okay?

That was tough.

He´s really dying.

I know.

[ Sighs ]

We sat there and talked
like we were kids again,

and then I realized
when Joey goes,

there´ll be no one left to
remember my childhood but me.

So you got closure?

Yeah.
Oh, and I got the tickets.

You know what?

I don´t even really care
about ´em now.

Mom, you don´t have to
do this.

You deserve ´em.
You got me down here.

Benny, I know this wasn´t
easy for you.

What is it with you?!

Anything to get a hug!

I feel sorry
for your kids.

George, don´t you think
we should go in

and say goodbye
to Joe now?

I don´t want to see him
like this, Angie.

I´ll call him.

George,
you should see him.

I don´t know, Angie.

What if i´m in there,
and it´s dark,

and death comes in
and takes the wrong Mexican?

Hey, George.

I heard you went down to see
your uncle and he´s real sick.

So I thought i´d keep you
company today...

Or tomorrow...
Or super bowl Sunday.

You heard I have an
extra ticket.

You do?!

Hey, don´t give it to him, fool.
I´m your assistant.

I do all the crap you
don´t want to do.

Give me the ticket.

Let´s see where you are
on the list.

Okay, there´s Angie, Ernie,
everyone else on the planet,

all the dogs and cats,
and then you.

So, yeah,
it could happen.

Dude, you´re going
to the super bowl.

Thank you, George!

You don´t know how much this
means to me!

This is the greatest moment
of my life!

That´s...
That´s sad, bro.

Angie,
what are you doing here?

Joe passed away.

Oh, damn.

Is Benny around?

Yeah.

Mom, could you come
in here, please?

I´m sorry, mom.
Joe´s gone.

They called about an hour ago.
The funeral´s this Sunday.

Well, at least he´s not
suffering anymore.

Super bowl Sunday?

Yeah, I know that sucks,
but what are you gonna do?

We´ll all drive down to the
funeral together.

I can´t go
to the funeral.

You have to!

No, I can´t.

Okay, okay,
how about this --

you go to the funeral, you see
Joe, and then you can leave

and still get to the game in
time for kickoff.

I´m sure your mom
will be fine with that.

No, I don´t want to go.

Why are you being
like this?

´Cause I don´t want to go
to the funeral.

What is the big deal?

I don´t want to see
dead people,

and I don´t want to
see people crying,

and I don´t want to
talk about this anymore.

Hey, I know you.

You got me this job.

That´s right.

I should kick your a*s
right here!

I got the kids some clothes
for the funeral on Sunday.

You want me to press
your black suit

in case you change
your mind?

No.

You know,
sometimes when I say

I don´t want to talk
about something,

it means that´s what I really
want to talk about the most.

Yeah,
I hate that about you.

Come on, Carmen and Max
are both going.

It´s gonna be hard to explain to
them why you´re not.

Why are you taking
the kids?

I don´t think they have to
go through all that.

Go through all what?

You know,
when you see the coffin,

and you think about your body
rotting away

and your eyes
shriveling up,

and your nails are still
growing.

Angie, your nails never
stop growing!

George,
they stop growing.

If they didn´t stop growing,
everywhere you went,

there´d be fingernails sh**ting
up out of the ground.

You don´t get it.

What´s his problem?

He won´t go
to the funeral.

Damn.

I should have seen
this coming.

What?

Oh, he´s scared of death ever
since he was a kid.

He never told me that.
Did something happen?

Oh,
just the kind of stuff

that really is out of
a parent´s control.

Like what?

Like I lied to him

and told him that his dad
died when he was 4.

That probably didn´t help.

Uh-huh.

And then he was really
scared,

and he asked me
if he was ever gonna die.

And what did you say?

I said, "no."

I said,
"when you grow up,

"they will have cured
all of the diseases,

and you´re gonna live
forever."

But that one wasn´t my fault.
Science let me down.

Benny,
you messed him up!

He never learned how to handle
death as a child,

and now he can´t handle
it as an adult.

I know.
I´m gonna talk to him.

It´s time he went to his
first funeral.

He never went even
when he was younger?

Well,
they never invited us.

I was always having fights
with all of the relatives.

You know, even my cousin Rudy
had it put on his tombstone --

"if you can read this,
Benny Lopez, you´re too close."

George,
I gotta talk to you.

What´s with the dress?

This is the dress
I want to be buried in.

Really?

That´s the dress you want
god to see you in

the first time you meet?

I´m not kidding.

This is my death dress.

What are you gonna wear for
the swimsuit competition?

Listen, George, you helped me
get through something.

Now i´m gonna help you.

You know, the best way to get
rid of your fear of death

is take control of it!

Like me.
I got everything planned.

Mom,
I don´t want to do this.

Come on, George.
Come on, pay attention.

You´re the only one
I trust,

and i´m gonna make sure
that you´re in charge

of all of my arrangements,
okay?

Number one --
make sure i´m dead.

Number two --

make sure i´m dead.

Number three -- do not let them
put me in the ground

without doing my eye makeup,
okay?

And I would like for it to be
powder blue to match my gown.

Oh, and also, you know,
have them arch my eyebrows,

but not too much so I don´t look
like i´m surprised,

like somebody got me from
behind.

Come on, mom!
You´re creeping me out!

You´re not gonna die for
a long, long time!

What are you doing?!

This is what it´s gonna
look like.

Oh, but not exactly.

I don´t want to be buried
in a bra.

These things hurt after
four hours.

Come on, mom, stop it.
Get up.

No, no, i´m just saying picture
them more to the sides.

Okay, okay!
I´ll go to joe´s funeral!

Just get up!

Mom, I don´t want to picture
you dead.

Good.

You feel better?

No, but i´ll be okay.

So...

I guess you´re gonna be sad
when I go, huh?

Of course.
You´re my mom.

But that´s a long, long way
down the road.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah,
i´m sure you´re right.

Uh-oh.

What´s this right here?

I got a --
I got a little bump on my neck.

Oh, cut it out, mom!

Oh, i´m gonna die.

I´m gonna die.

Keep it up, mom!

You´re this close to wearing
brown eye shadow

and a hefty bag!

[ Coughing ]

Uh-oh.

Well...

That´s it.

Come on, George.

Let´s go.

I think I want to say
goodbye to Joe.

You sure?

Yeah.

Well, you know, it sort
of reeks of death in here.

I´m gonna go out
and have a smoke.

So...joe...

Nice ride.

Well, I guess this is it.

Goodbye.

Oh, hell.

Wow.

I see what my mom meant
about the eyebrows.

Joe, you were
an all-right uncle.

Thank you for making up
with my mom.

Hey, man, I know you didn´t want
to miss the super bowl.

So...

[ Crowd cheering
on television ]

There you go, tio.

[ Crowd cheering ]

Yes!

Go!

Oh!

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Voice breaking ]
I´m not ready to leave him yet.

Could you give me
a minute?

Fumble!

Oh...

[ Sniffles ]

Why?

Here, Joe,
let me fix the picture for you.

There.

Oh, yeah!

Whoo!

Fumble!

Oh!

Where´s the flag?!

Oh...

No flag!

Oh...

Hey.

Oh, hey, thanks.

You know, some chips
would be nice.