01x01 - Did Ya Miss Me

[bunniefuu]

I'm Varnell Hill.

Legendary, baby.

Been in the talk show game
for 30 years.

Can you believe they
tried to cancel me?

Oh, ridiculous and shortsighted.

-You a one-time radio king.
-Mm-hmm.

-Two-time ex-husband.
-Soon to be three.

-Not your fault.
-[laughter]

And an eight-time
Soul Train Awards presenter.

Hey, you ain't never lie.

This is my best friend, Tre.

Lives in my pool house.

Struggling actor.

But you know what?

He's more like
my personal Kato Kaelin.

Oh, reminds me, I gotta
pick up your dry cleaning

now that you have a reason
to wear clean clothes.

You was getting kind
of... [clears throat] Funky.

And I don't mean
like Parliament.

I mean, you was stinkin'.

-[clears throat]
-OK.

[upbeat funky music]

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
-Where you going?

Oh, no. It's all good.

My name AJ Hill.
Like...

Man, I don't care
if you Blue Hill or Dru Hill

or Sugar Hill.
You're not getting in.

n*gga, you could be Lauryn Hill.

You still ain't getting in here.

-Hey, man.
-There he is, right there.

Like he... [stammers]

Oh, it's 'cause I'm Black.

It's 'cause I'm Black, huh?

Oh. [chuckles]

My fans.

That's what happens when I'm in
their living room every night.

They love me like I'm family.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

I like to stand among greatness.

Nowadays, my show airs on
the Mammoth Television Network.

Now, if you get one
of those digital antennas,

it comes in real nice.

[chuckles] There you are.

I'm so glad we got a pickup.

Honey, I was starting
to get carpal tunnel

from braiding hair
as a side hustle.

This is Kim, my assistant
and my right-hand woman.

I depend on her more
than I do the blue pill.

Kim, why didn't you go
back to being a paralegal?

You know how much money I make

braiding these
bald-headed b*tches?

[scoffs]

OK, we need to hit
the ground running.

You got a lot going on
with a new season, honey.

I already got
four meetings scheduled.

Well, damn, it's only 10:00.

Yeah, and your first one
was at 9:00.

All right, look,
that's your green juice.

And maybe that'll get you,
you know, regular and on time.

Kim, I wanted a triple espresso.

-Oh, you mean a triple bypass.
-[scoffs]

Speaking of heart attacks,

uh, you might want to bounce
on down to the writers' room.

There's been a few changes.

-Wait a minute.
-What do you mean?

-So... [chuckles]
-Anybody got any pitches?

Nope?

Fine.
Just trying to do my job.

Well, if you want
to do your job,

you might want to tell
this boy to get

the f*ck up out my chair.

First of all,
my pronouns are she/they.

And second, do I look
like Rosa Parks to you?

I ain't seen
no assigned seats up in here.

Well, she/they,
you started working here.

That's my seat,
and I'm gonna sit there.

Now, if you choose to stay
there, you know what?

-That's cool.
-Uh, nope.

Too g*y for me.

-Yeah.
-Yeah, that's what I thought.

I got one question.

All: Did you miss me?

[laughter]

Wait, what... what happened?

Is that... is that a thing or...

Really?

Who are these new faces?

Uh, some of the changes
I was telling you about.

The man, the myth, the legend.

[chuckles]

Uh, no disrespect,
but who the f*ck are you?

[laughter]

I, uh, am Thad Metcalf,
the new head writer.

-New head writer?
-New head writer?

What happened to Stan?

Uh, he died in June.

-Oh, damn.
-Did I send flowers?

Yeah, and some chicken
to the repast.

RIP, Stan.

Uh, I... I got the call
last week.

Uh, thought it'd be
a good idea for you

to come in and meet the team.

Uh, why don't we go around
and introduce ourselves?

George, hit us off, buddy.

-Yeah, hey, what's up?
-George Fu.

Used to be at "Colbert."

Part-time DJ on YouTube.

[imitates airhorn]

Courtney Cooper.

Stand-up comedian,
interned at "Key & Peele,"

wrote on "Wild 'n Out,"

managed to not get pregnant
'cause I'm allergic to d*ck.

Oh, isn't that cute?

You know,
I remember my first d*ck,

and it was at my first
writing gig.

Anyway, Sheryl Van Zandt.

Uh, "Letterman," I don't
know if you heard of him,

in the '80s,
and "Varnell" since day one.

Maxine, writer's assistant.

Ask Flip Wilson about me.

Who?

Google it.

-Gerald Ford.
-Uh, yes, like the president.

And, uh, you know, I broke
into this Hollywood biz

like anybody else.

Yeah. I met Varnell
on the side of the freeway,

helped him with a flat,

and I've been here
as a writer ever since.

Yeah, that sh*t ain't never
happened to nobody once.

[chuckles] You went from
spare tire to spare writer.

[laughs]

You sound like
a tow truck driver.

-Did you used to work at AAA?
-Oh.

It's called a side hustle.

But you wouldn't
know about that.

-Yep.
-Hooked him up.

Loyalty over résumés.

-Bam.
-Did you hear that?

Mr. Hill,
I'd love to carve out

some time to talk about
the show's new direction.

Could you excuse me
for a moment?

-See you later...
-both: Mr. Hill!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Did y'all know that
Flip Wilson died?

Oh, my God.

Did Geraldine die too?

[upbeat funky music]

[upbeat funky music]

[knock at door]

Come in.

Well, if it isn't my man,
Varnell Hill.

[chuckles]

Little Jonah Michaelson.

I remember when you used to be
sh1tting in your Pampers, boy.

Well, I... I went
from sh1tting in Pampers

to running sh*t.

And I have a Rolex now.

-Well, what...
-what do you mean, running sh*t?

Where...
where's your dad, man?

Oh. [laughs]

I'm sorry.
You haven't heard?

I'm the interim CEO
while Dad's on sabbatical.

[laughs]

What can I do for you, Varnell?

Here's the deal.

His father, David,
created Mammoth

and bought the rights
to my show.

David loves me.

That's why Jonah hates me.

Tell me why there's a Thad
running my writers' room.

Oh, you met Thad?

I thought he was Jake
from State Farm.

He's not.

Sorry, man.
My hands are tied.

The board wanted new blood,
fresh perspectives.

It's not personal.

No, it's disrespectful.

David always gave me
full creative control.

Yeah, well, see,
I'm not my father.

So there's that.

Let's see how David
feels about that, man.

Good luck
getting him on the line.

He's on vacation
with his mistress.

Hey, being with Loretta
ain't never stopped him

from returning my calls before.

[knock at door]

-Saved by the knock.
-Come on in.

Hey, hey, hey.

Varnell, meet Rachael Perkins,

your new executive producer.

She is only here to support you.

Mr. Hill, it is an
absolute pleasure to meet you.

You, sir, you are a true icon.

Flattery will
get you everywhere.

[laughs]

Gross.

I have a 2:00.
Feel free to use my office.

I am going to peace out,
let you two vibe.

Yeah.

-Caddie?
-Oh. [chuckles]

Well, um, Mr. Hill, please.

I have so many great ideas
that I would just love

to implement into your show.

So let's start
with the aesthetic.

-Uh, cut.
-He's gone.

You can come back
from the Sunken Place.

Excuse me?

Well, you know, they got
the "good ol' boy" club,

where we got the "it's all
good in the hood" club.

You feel me?

Mm-hmm. OK.

So we here now.
All right.

Now, I know y'all thought I was
this bougie Black Ivy Leaguer.

And I am.

Harvard and Howard alum,
you know.

But let us be very clear.

This job may be my last shot

at getting
to my Oprah-level power goal.

So, Mr. Hill.

Mm.

I am here to do my job
to the very best of my ability.

Now, your show,

it still resonates
with its core audience,

but we need to appeal
to a broader audience

and please our sponsors.

Well, my show and my core
audience built this network.

Well, true,
but our data suggests that

your core audience is shrinking.

And that's a nice way
of saying it's dying.

Damn, I need to check on Ethel.

Oh, is she the lady
with the oxygen mask

who sits on the front row
of all your shows?

Oh, God, she's so cute.

But the dying is hard
to watch, though.

All right, now, listen.

I cannot wait to share with you
all of the great ideas

and how I reimagined
your whole set.

What... what... what...

what the f*ck
are you talking about?

Oh, hey.

I hate to interrupt,
but I don't really give a f*ck.

Listen, Varnell, your crazy-a*s
wife is in your office.

Oh, now what?

I don't know.

But you better tell Alexis,
the next time

that little heifer tries
to shoulder-check me,

that's her a*s.

Kim, call David Michaelson ASAP.

Well, I guess we'll
just circle back later.

Sunken Place, my a*s.

No, the f*ck he didn't.

Mm.

Well, damn.

[funky upbeat music]

I was just totally
humiliated, OK?

It was just freaking
embarrassing.

So your card got
declined at Gucci.

It happens to rappers
all the time.

Do I look like a rapper
to you, Varnell?

OK, when I signed up for this,

I signed up to be a trophy wife.

Shiny, pretty, and put up.

You got me out here
looking dusty

like some middle-class b*tch.

This is my third wife, Alexis.

She ain't been happy
in a long time.

Am I talking to myself?

You know what, Varnell?
I'm leaving.

Are you sure
you're leaving this time,

or do you just want me to buy
you another tennis bracelet?

Well, that's funny,
because I'm still waiting

on the last one you promised me.

Wrist looks real empty, right?

Well, I financed that BBL.

-Ew.
-You financed it?

So you mean to tell me

you didn't have enough cash
to pay for this a*s?

If you keep tripping, I'm
gonna have 'em repossess it.

-That's it.
-I want a divorce.

And you know what?
I got a real good lawyer.

Jeff Bezos' first wife good.

That's right.
Get your pockets ready.

Broke-a*s.

Fake-a*s.

-No, I am done.
-I didn't mean it like that.

-No.
-Alexis, come on. Be for real.

Only thing funny is your money.

Real hot girl sh*t.

[gags]

What was that about?

Oh, sh*t.
I mean, sh**t.

Varnell Hill.

Hey, you're the man, dog.

Mi abuelitawatches your show
every night.

She says you pop up
in her dreams.

She calls you
"El Papi de la Noche."

Gustavo Rivera.
But the homies call me Gus.

-Uh, hey, Gustavo.
-How you doing?

Damn. No Gus?

I'm the new PA.

Got hooked up through
the Triple F program,

From Felons to Film.

-Whoa, whoa.
-Did you say felons?

Listen, I don't have
anything on me, man.

Yeah, grand theft auto.

Boosted a couple rides,

but then I stopped
once I found Jesús.

-Oh, now, that's good.
-You found the Lord.

-Oh, no.
-I meant my homie Jesús.

Yeah, I found him
dead at the scene

after he crashed a stolen car.

[sighs]

What the hell is going on?

That reminds me.

Rachael sent me in here
to ask if you wanted

to take a selfie
with the old show sign

before they throw it
in the trash.

-Whoa, whoa.
-Rachael said old sign?

What are you talking about,
the old sign?

What old sign? Hey!

I'm going to earn
that Gus, jefe!

Adios!

♪ ♪

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What the hell is happening
to my signature couch?

-Set refresh.
-It helps the ratings.

Fresh look, fresh energy.

I interviewed Prince
on that couch, OK?

He put his bare a*s
on that leather.

All right?
That's Black history.

It is. It's going to go to
the studio museum, all right?

People love nostalgia.

What do you mean,
they love nostalgia?

Whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

-Who are you?
-[chuckles] It's OK.

He's just measuring you
for your new wardrobe.

On my ankles and sh*t?

Big dog, I got your suits,

and they puffed up the
shoulders just like you like.

Oh.

And who is this lovely lady?

Rachael Perkins,
new executive producer.

And you are?

Trevont LaSalle Williams III.

[chuckles]
I'm Varnell's executive...

Lackey.

You won't be lacking
for nothing.

Tre, just put that
in my office, please.

OK, Varnell, look, now,
I know all of this

-is your legacy, all right?
-Mm-hmm.

-So don't take it personal.
-It's just a game.

Hey, the game shouldn't
disrespect the player.

Yeah, well,
the player has to adapt.

Oh, by the way,

we're going to lose
Doug E. Fresh and the band.

Absolutely not.

Doug is the heartbeat
of the show.

You can't have a late night
show without a band.

Varnell, bands are over.

You're still
thinking old-school.

Now, I need you to get
into the time machine,

travel to the present with me,
because it's nice here.

Doug E. stays.

I die on this hill.

Yeah, you and Ethel.

Oh, oh, lord.

There you are.

I tried to get a hold of David.

His voicemail is full.

Did you call Loretta?

The mistress that died
three years ago?

-Oh, damn.
-Yeah.

Did I send flowers?

-Mm-hmm.
-She got 'em.

[upbeat funky music]

A bottle of Cristal,
you know, a 2-liter.

-What the...
-what the hell is this?

What's going on here?

W-w-where's my security?

Snooky! Snooky!

Hey, Snooky's dead.

Did we send flowers?

Yes.

Now let me go get my Taser.

-Wait, hold on.
-Look, hey, Varnell.

-It's me.
-Whoa, whoa.

Where...
where do I know you from?

We got the same bloodline.

Oh, see, that's why
I don't f*ck around

with that 23andMe sh*t, Varnell.

Nah, it's me, your nephew,
Ahmad Jarvis.

Oh, boy, what
are you doing here?

You finally grew
into your big-a*s face.

Kim, this is my nephew, AJ.

-[clicks tongue]
-Boy, you lucky.

You was about to get
your a*s Tased.

I ain't seen you
in over ten years.

Hey, man, well, maybe if you
come back to Mississippi

once in a while.

My mama said you're
afraid to come back

'cause you stole
her catfish recipe.

She a liar.

f*ck Verniece.

Y'all remember
my vacation home...



Catfish still delicious.

Yeah, so Unc,
hook your boy up with a job.

You know,
show a little nephew-tism.

Ooh, how about producer?

That sound majestic.

Hey, Varnell,
you got a wardrobe fitting.

Damn.

Can you take care of this?

-All right.
-[phone rings]

Oh, I'll be right back.

Don't move.

Varnell don't like
his personal things touched.

[phone ringing]
You touch... [chuckles]

I Tase.

[phone rings]

[notification chimes]

"You have until Friday
to deliver 25k,

"or you can start
casket shopping.

By the way,
Costco sells them now."

[gasps]

[mouthing words]

[electricity crackles]

You done f*cked around
and found out, n*gga.

♪

[laughs]

[laughing]
Oh, it's so real!

[shrieks]

OK, let's talk Varnell Hill.

Should we wait for Rachael?

[scoffs] Rachael?

Rachael's insignificant.

She's just here
to piss off Varnell.

Wait.

Rachael's great at her job.

She's worked at several
production companies.

It's about time she gets a bump.

Plus, she has no life,
no kids, no excuses.

She's perfect.

In layman's terms,
she's a bad b*tch.

Yeah, and Varnell's
gonna hate her.

Look, my father would
never let me fire him.

But if he quits, ah, ah,
that's different.

I mean, we all know my senile
old man's never coming back.

You want Varnell's show to fail?

No.

I want Varnell to fail.

Here's an analogy for you.

Pretend you own
a beautiful apartment.

But you got an old,
annoying tenant

who has ugly suits and your
dad's freaking obsessed with.

And you need to get him out
so you can raise the rent.

In other words, it's time
for Varnell to be evicted.

Don't worry.
He can still do his show.

[in announcer voice]
Live from Skid Row!

[chuckles]

Damn.

Hollywood really
is like the hood.

It's k*ll or be k*lled.

I ain't no snitch, though.

♪ ♪

-Oh, hey.
-Can I help you?

Nope.

Executive producer,
going to speak to my talent.

Thank you.

Oh, she about to make
me catch my second strike.

Ooh, your little executive
producer here

about to catch these hands.

She don't know
I'm from these streets.

Thank you, Kim.

I got this.

So what do you want?

I don't have time
for your lectures.

Good, because
I just left wardrobe

and they told me that you
vetoed all of my suggestions

on refining your look.

My look has been working
for decades.

Do you hear yourself?

Even Batman changes costumes.

Well, the Flintstones don't.

Varnell, look.

No one else is gonna tell you
the truth, all right?

But your show is
stuck in the past.

And your ratings are down.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-'Scuse me?

Yes, it's dated, it's stale,

and no one wants to tell you
this to your face.

So I'm not here
to break you down.

I'm here to build you back up.

[chuckles] Oh, wow.

Wow.

You come in here
with your spreadsheets,

calling the shots like
you built this sh*t.

I don't care about
your feelings, Varnell.

I care about the numbers.

Yeah. That's obvious.

-You want to hear about numbers?
-Yeah.

I got Al Sharpton
on the show this week.

Well, Al Sharpton
ain't been relevant

since he abbreviated that perm.

You ain't gonna
disrespect brother Al

and that silky masterpiece.

Listen, I understand
everything that you've done

for the community,

which is why I want your show
to survive, OK?

Help me help you.

-Help me?
-Yes.

Baby girl, if you see me
in a fight with a bear,

help the bear.

OK, well, first of all,
my name is Rachael Perkins.

Ah. Stop right there.

This is not
"The Rachael Perkins Show."

This is the "Varnell
m*therf*cking Hill Show."

That's not what I meant, OK?

Let me finish.

I built this empire,
and I will burn it down

before I let you turn it
into some "TikTok Tonight."

OK, fine.

You want to keep
pretending like it's 1998,

then you be my guest, all right?

But this show,
it's bigger than you, OK?

It's gonna go away.

And when it does,
it's gonna put you, me,

and 150 crew members
out of work.

So how does that make
you feel, brother?

Anybody knock around here?

Yo, Unc, I gotta holler
at you about something.

It's really important.

Get out.

Seen it twice.

Get out!

Ladies and gentlemen,
the one, the only,

Mr. Varnell Hill!

[upbeat funky music playing]

♪

-Turn it up!
-Let's go!

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

And welcome
to the brand-new season

of "The Varnell Hill Show."

I got one question for you.

All: Did you miss me?

You ain't got to no mo'.

Who is this guy?

My main man, Doug E. Fresh.
You know who you got here?

You got... you got
one of the kings here.

-You hear me?
-Thank you.

And it goes
on and on and on and on and...

-[beatboxing]
-[beatboxing]

[beatboxing]

[upbeat funky music playing]

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

They turning me up.
They turning me up.

-Here we go.
-Here we go.

Here we go.

Come on!

♪ Ain't no show like
the Varnell show ♪

♪ 'Cause the Varnell show
don't stop ♪

Say what?

All: ♪ Ain't no show like
the Varnell show ♪

♪ 'Cause the Varnell show
don't stop ♪

♪ This is real hip-hop ♪

♪ To the very last drop ♪

♪ As we go a little something
like this ♪

-Hit it!
-Ah!

That's my man.

And we'll be right back.

[cheers and applause]

♪

All right, everybody.

We're back in five, four,
three...

Hey.

Kirk Franklin!

Kirk Franklin, man.
Come on now.

In the family.

Thank you for being here.

-Thank you, sir.
-Great seeing you.

But you're a fan of music,
just like all of us.

I can name 'em.

-Uh, uh, Maxwell.
-Yes.

-Earth, Wind, & Fire.
-Prince.

-Prince.
-Stevie.

-Yes, Stevie.
-Yes.

-Stevie...
-D'Angelo.

-D'Angelo.
-Yes.

Ladies, D'Angelo?

-Whoo!
-Oh, yes.

You know, and music is
changing over the years.

Yes, sir.

You know, and there's
different generations.

I guess you can call me kind
of old-school, you know.

I'm old school too.

Yeah, hey,
I started when I was four,

but I ain't had
no piano or nothing.

I saw the Jackson 5
on Diana Ross's special.

OK.

You know, and that's before
they even had stack heels.

-Wow.
-Yeah.

They were wearing
the little shoes

that Otis Redding
and them used to wear.

You're older than I realize.

[laughter]

What's your process
of, like, writing a song?

You know, there's not
one specific process.

It can come in many ways.

I mean, it's a multiplicity
of moments that you feel.

And, you know, if you dabble
in music, you know that, right?

Yeah.

You can be anywhere
and it just hits you.

-I can say I dabble.
-I ain't got paid for it.

Uh-huh. [chuckles]

So why don't you show us
a little bit of that tonight?

What do y'all think?

-[applause]
-OK, sure.

-You wanna do a little dabble?
-Sure.

All right, let's go and have
a little dabble.

Sure.

Fellas, we going
to do a little dabblin'.

You mind?

-All right, all right.
-OK.

-All right.
-It's on you.

Well, before we get started,

tell me what kind
of vibe you feeling.

Oh, I just want
a positive groove

that makes you want to move,
you know, in here.

-Mm. Mm. Hips.
-Yeah.

-Hips, then. OK.
-The hip thing.

And then you might
have a shoulder in it.

OK. So you want something
for the shoulder and the hip.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Shoulder and the hip.

-OK. So...
-My back hurts,

so we ain't going to do no more.

-[laughs] So drum...
-drum, let's try to get

a nice little groove going.

[imitates drumbeat]

[drum playing]

Come on, y'all,
give me a minute.

Y'all give me this.
Give me this.

Give me this.
Bass, bass, give me some funky.

Give me something funky.
Come on.

[bass playing]

Come on.

[keyboard playing]

♪

Yeah, burning up, and I'm
gonna break it down...

-OK.
-I'ma break it down.

Jump in there.

[vocalizing]

♪ No matter what
you're wishing ♪

Whoo!

♪ No matter what
you're wishing ♪

Talk to 'em.

♪ I need you to know ♪

♪ I need you ♪

♪ I need you to know ♪

♪ That that catfish ♪

♪ Still delicious ♪

♪ ♪

Kirk Franklin, y'all.
Come on.

♪ ♪

Rachael, I really
love the changes.

-The decor, the wardrobe.
-Mm-hmm.

And thanks to Kirk Franklin,
not one F-b*mb.

-Mm.
-Well done.

-Mm-hmm.
-f*ck you, Dan.

-You wish.
-[laughs]

He got a feeling.

[upbeat music playing]

You seem quiet lately.

So glad to know you
didn't forget about us.

Hey!

♪ I know, I know ♪

♪ We know, we know ♪

♪ Life is harder than
it's been before ♪

As you can see,
the people still love me.

Mm-hmm.

And they love your show
because of my changes.

You're welcome.

♪ Run and get 'em ♪

♪ See this pain,
it won't last forever ♪

-Ooh, Unc.
-Hey, man.

You bodied that, man.
The new show is dope.

-Thank you, man.
-It was genius, man.

I see you singing, hitting
the high notes and stuff.

-Speaking of note.
-Yeah?

Think I can borrow
a little change?

Boy, you just got out here,

and you ask me
for money already?

Here.

Actually, I was hoping to
borrow just a little bit more.

How much more?

-$25,000.
-Nothing major.

-What?
-What are you talking about?

What you going to use
that for, huh?

To buy a grill, huh?
Some rims?

Nah, it's much more
important than that, Unc.

♪ You do it again ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ You do it again
- Hey, hey.

-That's it.
-♪ You do it again ♪

I need a witness up in here.

Uh! Let's go!

Coconut cream pie has
always been the best to me.

You know what I'm saying?

What the hell is going on?

Big dog, they wanted me
to get into the safe,

but I forgot the code.

Is it your birthday
or your anniversary?

Hey, didn't I tell you

shutting the f*ck up is
for free?

Who the f*ck are y'all?

He know who we is, man.

Ain't that right, AJ?

Did you miss me?
[laughs]

These negroes stole my line.

What the hell is going on, AJ?

Damn, AJ.

I thought your a*s was lying
about Varnell being your uncle.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

Well, Mr. Dupree did actually
stop when I asked him to.

So I escorted him in
on account of his manners.

And his scent.
Mmm.

Smelling like money.

Mm-hmm.

And you thicker than
the yellow pages, girl.

-Know what I'm talkin' 'bout?
-Yeah.

You know what he talkin' 'bout?

Know what he talkin' 'bout!

I been saying that for years.

Listen, I don't know
not nary a one of y'all.

So y'all country negroes
gotta get out of my office.

Oh, happy to.

As soon as your nephew's
$40,000 debt is settled.

-$40,000?
-I thought it was 25,000.

-Interest.
-[sucks teeth]

Plus, I had to fly first class

just to find your dumb a*s.

And I never need a reason
to stay at the Four Seasons.

Well, me and Big Chris
at the Motel 6.

I like that they keep
the light on for you.

Plus, we gotta eat.

I'm gluten-free.
Gut health is important.

Ain't nobody ask you about

your sensitive-a*s tummy,
m*therf*cker.

AJ, what the hell were
you thinking,

borrowing money
from a loan shark?

Whoa, whoa.

Y'all see a loan shark
up in here?

I'm an entrepreneur, OK?

I have a record label,
funeral homes,

a soul food sushi bar.

And the chitlin roll's
off the hook.

Know what I'm talking about?

-Yeah.
-Know what he talkin' 'bout?

You know what he talkin' 'bout!

Well, see, you see,
what had h-happened was,

I was gonna flip
the 25 into the 40

like I did for you before,

but I may or may not have

stopped at a few strip clubs
along the way.

You spent my money on strippers?

No, I invested the money

into the academic futures
of several beautiful women.

Ferrari and Lamborghini are
going to be veterinarians.

-sh**t his dumb a*s.
-What? Hey, hey.

-No, no, look, man.
-Wait, wait, wait.

[quirky music]

[upbeat funky music]

♪ ♪