04x05 - The Haunting of Flim-Flam House/Rube Tube

[bunniefuu]

Hi, I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents! Ow!

This is my dad!

This is my mom! [chuckles]

This is my sister! She's shy.

This is my grandpa!

This is my room!

And this...

[cheering]

This is my show!

[cheering]

♪ spooky music playing ♪

Welcome one and all

to the Mystical

Patrino the Great

Seance Hour!

- Today...
- [glass shatters]

we will resurrect the soul

of my beloved microwave burrito!

- [microwave beeping]
- I overcooked it this morning

and it died!

In order to speak
to the great beyond,

I'll need... [grunts]

my Wedgie board!

Eeny, meeny, miney...

Whoa!

♪ Eerie music playing ♪

[wind whooshing]

- [utensils clink]
- Is that you, burrito?!

♪ Music abruptly ends ♪

Ay, what's the big idea?

Yeah, this ain't Bora Bora!

The Flim Flam Brothers?

Aw, they aren't burritos!

I knew I shoulda changed

into a fresh Wedgie board
this week.

Whoa, whoa!

Sorry about the casting mix-up, folks.

Yeah, we're sorry too.

We was on our way to a possibly
"poimonint" vacation!

Yeah, on account of...

[both gulp]
Our house is haunted!

- [thunder crashes]
- [shuddering]

Yeah! You're ghosts!
You're haunting it!

- Not us!
- Another ghost!

[both] We're being haunted!

Ghosts can be haunted?

This I gotta see!

I smell a Patrick Show special!

[sniffs] Maybe this is what
you're smelling.

Oh, good!

I was just on my way
to the incinerator.

Let's get a move on!

I'm sure we have a long trip
ahead of...

And we're here!

[Squidina]
How did we never notice

this spooky house next door?

I noticed it.

Patrino the Great sees all.

[clang]

Welcome to our formerly
happy home.

I can't even look at it!

- [bell tolls]
- [door creaks]

♪ light music plays ♪

Uh, what's wrong?

I think it looks lovely!

Yeah! That's the problem!

Every night we trash every room
in the house...

Deck the halls with cobwebs...

Ghostify all the portraits!

But in the morning...

[both] The joint's cleaned up!

- We'll show you what we mean.
- [wind whooshes]

- [grunting]
- [objects clatter]

There, all dingy and dirty.
Just how we likes it!

[cracking]

Now see for yourself.

- [cracking]
- [both gasp]

♪ heavenly choir sings ♪

[meows]

[both] This place really
is haunted!

And that's why
we need your help!

First things first, we gotta see

what kind of phantom foe
we're dealing with.

So let's install
cameras everywhere!

You got it, sis!

[loud bang]

Um, maybe we should let

The Flim Flam Brothers
set these up.

Our pleasure!

- Bada-bing!
- Great!

Now let's make a real mess

to ensure
we get a ton of footage.

[chuckles] Yeah!
Like that! You're doing it!

Doing what now?

♪ Jazzy music playing

[rapid splatting]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

[screams]

Ha! We did it, g*ng.

This joint has never looked
heebier nor jeebier!

[yawns]

In the morning, we'll see
what the cameras picked up.

[yawns]

[snores]

- [wolf howls]
- [insects chirping]

- ♪ pleasant music plays
- [rooster crows]

[snores]

Good morning,
ghost-hunting g*ng!

[yawns] What's so good about...

[screaming]

The cleanliness
never gets less creepy!

That ghost really went
to work last night.

Let's see what we're up against!

[ghostly moaning]

[Flam] That's one
speedy specter!

[moaning continues]

[Flim] And scary-sounding too!

- [moans]
- [Flam] Wait a minute!

That's Patrick!

[moaning]

[Squidina gasps] What's that?!

[moaning]

Patrick!

Ooh! Are we gonna get
a look at its face?

[groans]

[all] Patrick!

Huh!

That is one handsome ghost.

Uh, Patrick, that's you.

I'm the ghost?!

I can walk through walls!

[crash]

Okay.

Maybe I'm not the ghost.

Alright. Time for Plan B.

[whirring]

The Ghost Catcher 5000!

[all] Oh!

Make a mess, Patrick!

Patrick?

[Patrick screams]

What's that now?

♪ Suspenseful music playing

[cackles]

Huh?

[whirring]

[grunting]

[discordant chord plays]

♪ music fades ♪

Anybody got a Plan C?

Well, we know one thing
ghosts can't resist...

[both] Ghost party!

[upbeat disco music plays
in house]

[both] Ghost party?!

Time for you twos to join in!

[Squidina and Patrick scream]

[both] Awesome!

- Woo!
- [Patrick laughs]

- [Flim] Yeah!
- [Flam laughs]

[Squidina cheers]

Patrick!
Come check out the photo booth!

Oh-h*!

[ghostly hiss]

- [grumbles]
- [camera shutter clicks]

[gibbering]

[camera shutter clicks]

- [all grunting]
- [Squidina screams]

[both yelp]

[Squidina] Huh?

Alright! Let's see
what's under this cloak!

[audience gasps]

[all] Old man GrandPat?!

But why are you a ghost?

It's actually a very long,
meandering story.

[exhales] I was...

- [doorbell dings]
- Phew! Saved by the bell.

[Bunny] Yoo-hoo!

Mom? What are you doing here?

Well, it's actually a very long,
meandering story. I...

Uh, can you give us
the short version, Mom?

We're kind of busy here.

GrandPat's soul is just out
of his body again.

He kicks the bucket
in his sleep every night,

but he never gets far.

So, uh... GrandPat,
why haunt this house?

'Cause I rented it
to these two freeloaders

when they were alive!

Yeah, well above market value!

And until they pay up,
I ain't leavin' 'em alone!

[overlapping arguing]

Oh, kids? Would you mind putting
GrandPat back in his body?

It's starting
to get a little ripe.

Have fun! Mwah!

And another thing... What?
Oh, no!

I ain't goin' back in there!
I got unfinished business!

- ♪ old-timey rock song plays
- ♪ Get your ooky pooky

♪ Cookie pooky spooky spirit
back in your body ♪

♪ You know your ooky pooky
cookie pooky spooky spirit's ♪

♪ Acting real naughty ♪

[studio audience laughs]

♪ Whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Gotta stop
your runnin' away ♪

♪ No, no way, way, way ♪

♪ Here's some
really good advice ♪

♪ Stop being a poltergeist ♪

♪ And get your ooky pooky
cookie pooky spooky spirit ♪

♪ Back in your body ♪

♪ Stop messin' around ♪

♪ We gotta bring you back
around right now ♪

Alright, you knuckleheads!
Enough is enough.

- Break it up! Break it up!
- [grunts]

We'll do this ourselves.

♪ Ominous music plays ♪

[thunder crashes]

[screams]

Just what are
you two freeloaders

doing with my body?!

No! Not...

interpretive dance!

♪ Classical music plays ♪

[Flim Flam Brothers laugh]

[hoarse yelling]

- That does it!
- ♪ music ends ♪

I draw the line
at youngster dance moves!

[fighting grunts]

[screaming, groaning]

[energy zapping]

Patrick, I think
the spectral energy

from the ghost fight

along with their connection

to the house is causing a...

That sounds like a long,
meandering story.

Let's just get outta here!

[both scream]

[screaming]

[energy whooshes]

[whooshing distorts, fades]

[screaming and grunting]

♪ light music playing ♪

Oh, sh**t.

Back in this wrinkly
sack o' bones again?

Ah, well. At least you two
can't live here anymore!

[laughs]

We're really sorry
your house got k*lled.

[both laugh]

What are ya sorry about, kid?

Don'tcha know what happens
when ya k*ll a haunted house?

♪ Eerie music plays ♪

[both] Ghost house!

- [Flam] Yeah!
- [Flim] Oh, yeah!

[Flim Flam Brothers cheering]

Well, they seem happy.

They sure do, Squidina.
Let's go home.

[both] Get in here, youse twos!

[jazzy music playing in house]

Why not? You only die once!

[both laugh]

♪

[announcer] Welcome
toThe Patrick Show!

Today, Patrick Star

will defy death

in his most dangerous
stunt ever.

It's actually
my safest stunt ever.

We had to make some changes

after what happened
in rehearsal.

Doctor's orders.

[announcer] First, he will walk
across a bed of 100 flaming...

Pillows.

While simultaneously dodging

a series of razor-sharp...

Safety scissors.

Finally, he will dive head-first

into a pool of...

Life preservers.

Please do not attempt this
at home.

Nothing's gonna go wrong
this time.

Okay, audience. You ready?

I said, are you...

[insects chirping]

Squidina, where'd you put
the audience?

[insects chirping]

Where is everybody?

[humming]

Hey, Squidina!

Don't you usually stand over
there when we make the show?

I'm not doing the show
with you today, Patrick.

After two seasons,
we've earned some R&R.

Oh. Okay.

Man, I am so ready
for a day off.

No worries, no responsibilities,

- and no fires to put out!
- [siren wailing]

[Rube] Did you know that some
scientists even study sand?

Isn't that just amazing?

What the...?

You never know what
you might find down there!

Let's take a look-see!

Golly! Would you look at that?

This one here's
the spittin' image

of my Great-Aunt Margaret.

May she rest in peace.

Hey, Rube. Whatcha doing?

Well, howdy there, Squidina!

The viewers and I
are paying a visit

to the fascinating world
of sand!

What viewers?

There's no camera,
no mic, no crew.

- [bird screeches]
- That's weird.

I don't know where
they might've gone off to...

Guess they forgot about me.

Oh, well!

You know what they say:
"The show must..."

- Uh...
- Go on?

I would if I could remember
the rest of the phrase.

[descending low note plays]

Well, it is my day off, but...

Oh, what the heck?
I'll be your crew!

Oh, gosh! Do ya mean it?

Sure! At least for today.

Now, where should we start?

How about right here?

Folks, we found
Bikini Bottom's youngest

and cutest entrepreneurs.

Do you use real lemons?

'Cause your lemonade
sure looks real tasty!

That's weird.

- ♪ soft music plays
- Squidina said...

[in Squidina's voice] "I'm not
doing the show with you today."

[in normal voice]
But there she is,

doing a show without Patrick!

And Patrick can tell

because Patrick
is this guy right here!

[sighs]

What are you doing
out there, Squidina?

She's replacing you...

onto bigger, better things.

In fact, she's probably
already forgotten about you.

Forgotten? About me?!

- ♪ melodramatic music plays
- [air spluttering]

[sobbing]

[alarm blaring]

What is this feeling
inside my body?!

You're in emotional free-fall!

But... you can turn
this around.

If you want Squidina
to come back to your old show,

just commit secret acts

of devious sabotage.

Salad-tage...

Exactly!

Now, get out there
and get your show back, boy!

I won't let you down, GrandPat!

[laughs mischievously]

- [slurps] Mmm!
- ♪ music fades

Soggy!

♪ Folksy banjo music plays ♪

We're out
on beautiful Goo Lagoon,

where we've caught ourselves
some fresh anglers.

'Scuse me, ma'am.

If y'all are fishin'
for compliments,

then congratulations
'cause you're amazing!

Okay...

Say, ya mind if I give
that fishin' rod a whirl?

[Patrick, muffled]
Time for some salad-tage!

Now, how does this thing
go again?

Back and then a whoopie-doo!

♪ Mischievous music plays ♪

[in high voice] Hey, I thought
you said this thing was fast!

- Fast? I'll show you fast!
- What?

[engine revs]

- You hooked a big one, sonny!
- [fishing line clicking]

Bon voyage, Rube.

[horn blares]

Wow! Nice!

Amazing!

But I'm a catch-and-release
kinda guy, so back you go!

- [boat whistles in midair]
- Uh-oh...

Let's see what else Goo Lagoon
has to offer.

A rock! The sky!

And... [gasps]

- Who do we have here?
- ♪ rock music plays ♪

Say, whatcha doin'
up there, mister?

V-Ball.

My man Chance is serving up
match point.

Speakin' of... Would you
all give me a "chance" to play?

Cool with Chance. Lance?

All good here. Nance?

I'm into it. Brance?

Let's see what
the little guy can do!

Ah! [grunts]

Oopsy!

A little help
if you're in there?

- You got it, mister!
- [sharp slicing]

I'll give you a little help

and a big, pointy spike

right in your microphone.

Then your show's over.

Plus, I finally get to use my...

"Net-Sport Orb"
Halloween costume.

♪ Suspenseful music playing ♪

It's on!

- [grunts loudly]
- [whooshing]

Amazing!

[slicing]

I got it!

- [grunts]
- ♪ upbeat pop rock plays ♪

[Patrick groans]

[booming]

Ooh! Match point!

♪ Whimsical music plays

GrandPat never said salad-tongs
would be so painful.

I can't do this anymore.

No! You can't give up now!

This just calls
for a little shift in tactics.

If sabotage isn't your style,
then try jealousy!

Jealousy?

Show Squidina that
you don't need her anymore

and she'll come crawlin' back.

How?

You'll figure it out.

- [laughs]
- [wind blows]

- GrandPat?
- [whistle tweets]

We're hittin' the sludgy swells
of Goo Lagoon

lookin' for surfers,

but the waves are empty

and I don't know why.

[both grunt]

♪ menacing music plays ♪

Hey, how ya doin'?
Fancy bumpin' into you here.

Well, actually,
you bumped into me, okay?

[both] Kraken!

Say, could I interview you
for my TV show?

Hey, television!

I've been trying to break
into showbiz

for the past 5,000 years!

In fact, I got a funny story
about that.

It all started when I...

[Rube] A story?

Oh! Do tell!

"Do tell," he says.
Ooh-hoo! I'm tryin' here!

It all started
when I was a teenage kraken...

Wow! A teenager! Amazing!

Hey, who's tellin' this story?
Me or you?

Exciting new TV show
coming through!

With my new director...

Old Man Walker!

Can I have my walker back now?

New director?

Hey, can a sea-monster
finish a story here or what?

Sure thing, Krackers.

Right after you answer
these questions for my new show.

Oh, boy! I tell ya, I can't get
a word in edgewise!

And it's makin' me irate!

[roars]

[all] Whoa!

Well, folks, here we are
in the pit of a stomach

and, boy, what a stomach it is!

So that's it?
You're just replacing me?

With Old Man Walker?

Yup! Just like you
replaced me with Rube.

What are you talking about?

I'm not replacing you with Rube.

You're not?

No!
I'm just helping the guy out!

I felt bad for him
because he lost his...

My crew!

♪ Dramatic music stinger ♪

[gasps]

Y'all don't look so good.

In fact, you look...

like you could use
something to eat!

- Yeah, sounds good.
- I could go for a bite.

I skipped breakfast.

Well, say no more.
Lunch is on me.

Thanks for your help, Squidina.

Gosh, I thought y'all forgot
about me!

Turns out you were
just being digested

in the stomach of a kraken.

♪ Whimsical music plays ♪

I'm sorry I committed
secret acts

of devious salad-tongs
against you.

I really thought
you were replacing me.

Patrick, you're my brother.

I couldn't replace you
if I tried.

[onlookers] Aww!

[rumbling]

Oh, I don't feel so good.

It's like I ate something overly
sweet and, uh... [smacks lips]

saccharine!

- [stomach rumbles]
- [echoing belch]

- [both] Bye, Rube!
- Bye, Patrick!

Bye-bye, Squidina!

Whoa!

Hey, my walker!

Mmm!

- Ah!
- [bag rustles]

I've been saving you for last,
Big Mama.

Come to Papa.

Oh, we're home.

It all worked out in the end.

You know, Patrick, there's
still time to do a show today.

Only if I can work

with my favorite director...

and sister!

Aww!

Don't make me sick!

♪