03x12 - Get Ouch/Day of the Living Dad Jokes

[bunniefuu]

Hi, I'm Patrick Star!
And I live with my parents!

Hi, I'm Patrick Star!
And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad!

This is my mom!

This is my mom!

Woo-hoo! [giggles]

This is my sister!

She's shy.

This is my grandpa!

This is my grandpa!

This is my room!

And this...

This is my show!

[classical music plays]

[snoring]

[snoring]

Good morning, Ouchie!

Good morning, Ouchie!

[classical music continues]

[classical music continues]

Someone needs
a cushion fluffing!

Someone needs
a cushion fluffing!

And I've got your favorite dish!

[happy noise]

Let's get those spineys
nice and shiny.

And how about a massage
for our very favorite urchin?

And how about a massage
for our very favorite urchin?

[sighs]

[thud]

[thud]

And a little crown!

For the best Ouchie in town!

You're so cute!

You're so cute!

-And safe!
-And dry!

[Squidina] And loved!

[terrifying music]

[growling stomach]

-[grunts]
-[toy squeaks]

-[grunts]
-[toy squeaks]

[evil laugh]

Let's go get Ouchie
some more treats.

Let's go get Ouchie
some more treats.

Okay!

[slurps]

Ah?

[pants]

[squeaks]

[thud]

[thud]

Let's go!

[playful music plays]

[groans]

[groans]

[classical music plays]

-[squeaks]
-[growls]

[Ouchie grunts]

[both grunting and panting]

[Ouchie grunts]

[grunts]

[growls]

[fast playful music plays]

Oh!

Oh!

[triumphant music plays]

[Ouchie growls]

Oh, Ouchie!

Oh, Ouchie!

Aye aye aye!

What in the Great Barrier Reef
happened here?

What in the Great Barrier Reef
happened here?

Ouchie, did you do all this?

[sad growl]

[rapid growling]

[rapid growling]

[Cecil sighs]

Sorry, Ouchie,

but naughty urchins
get put outside.

but naughty urchins
get put outside.

[Patrick sobs]

[Patrick cries]

I'm so angry!

I'm so angry!

I need to take
a long reckless drive!

[growling]

[evil laugh]

[angry growling]

[angry growling]

[moans]

Oh!

-[Pinkeye coughs]
-Oh! No!

I hit a poor, defenseless
sea-bunny!

I hit a poor, defenseless
sea-bunny!

Hold on! I'll save you!

Stay with me lil' guy!
Stay with me!

[growling]

[heroic music playing]

[sad growl]

A sea-bunny down!

A sea-bunny down!

[all] Oh! A sea-bunny?

Let me see,
let me see, let me see!

[moving music plays]

[all] Aw!

He's adorable!

He's adorable!

Okay, sea-bunny,

you'll just have to live here
and let us spoil you

you'll just have to live here
and let us spoil you

back to health!

[Squidina] How about
a nice cushion fluffing?

[Bunny] And some special treats!

[Bunny] And some special treats!

[Cecil] And a nice,
relaxing massage!

[Squidina] And a little crown!

[Patrick] For the best
sea-bunny in town!

[Patrick] For the best
sea-bunny in town!

And now that you're cute
and safe and loved

it's time for the Star family
to have their dinner!

it's time for the Star family
to have their dinner!

[all giggle excitedly]

[Bunny] Let's eat!

[happy noises]

Mmm.

Oh. [giggles]

Sorry, little buddy,
this is people food,

not sea-bunny food.

[angry growling]

Yes, sea-bunny, eat this!

It's really good, see?

It's really good, see?

[grunts]

[scary music plays]

[squeaks]

[all] Oh!

[all] Mine, mine, mine, mine!

Mine, mine, mine!

[all moan in pain]

Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine!

Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine!

[giggles] I got it, I got it!

[squeaks]

Oh, barnacles.

Well, at least we're imprisoned
as a family.

Well, at least we're imprisoned
as a family.

Beh, if we're all stuck
down here forever,

Beh, if we're all stuck
down here forever,

we gotta start adapting.

Now, who do we eat first?

I'm the youngest,
so it shouldn't be me.

-I'm too pretty to eat.
-And I'm mostly mustache.

-I'm too pretty to eat.
-And I'm mostly mustache.

Agh! This is a serious matter
that must be decided seriously.

Agh! This is a serious matter
that must be decided seriously.

We'll do it
with a children's board game!

[sad howling]

[strains]

[sad music playing]

[cries]

Gotcha! Next stop, the pound.

[suspenseful music plays]

[suspenseful music plays]

[sighs] I love my job.

[desperate growls]

[angry growling]

I'm here too.

[scary music plays]

Ooh!

[honk]

Ah!

I hate my job.

[cheering]

No, no, go on without me.

No, no, go on without me.

I'm too much
of a menace to society.

[cheering]

[playful music plays]

[growls]

-[mumbling voice on phone]
-[Pinkeye] Mmm.

Let me get a... [mumbles]

[doorbell rings]

[doorbell rings]

-[growling]
-[screams]

-[growling]
-[screams]

Ah!

[frantic grunting]

[frantic grunting]

[alarm blaring]

[alarm blaring]

[evil laugh]

[sad grunt]

[sighs]

[Ouchie cries]

[soft growl]

[sad growling]

[sad growling]

[melancholic music plays]

[grunting]

[growling]

Ah?

[panting]

[happy scream]

[evil laugh]

[evil laugh]

[suspenseful music plays]

[angry growling]

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

[strains]

[alarm blaring]

[evil laugh]

[Ouchie] Oh!

[suspenseful music plays]

[growls]

[growls]

Ah! Ah! Uh! Ah! Uh!

[evil laugh]

Ah?

Woah.

[whistles]

[excited growling]

[excited growling]

[grunts]

[Ouchie growls]

[whistles]

[laughs]

Uh-oh!

[growling]

[nervous laughter]

[nervous laughter]

[Ouchie growls]

Ah!

Well, son,
since you didn't make it

Well, son,
since you didn't make it

to candy castle,
we're all gonna eat you.

Makes sense.

Now, who wants dark meat?

Now, who wants dark meat?

Ooh, ooh! I do, I do!

[all] Huh?

[all] Ouchie!

[all] Ouchie!

[growls]

[all] Huh?

[all growling]

[all growling]

[all grunting and shouting]

Oh, Ouchie!

I'm sorry for ever doubting you.

You and your friends saved us
from that naughty sea-bunny.

You and your friends saved us
from that naughty sea-bunny.

[all cheering]

[moans]

Hey, Bunky.

Hey, Bunky.

You're just in time for dinner.

Bon appétit!

Bon appétit!

[sighs]

[squeaks]

[heroic music
playing]

Live from Bikini Bottom
Stadium,

it's football!

it's football!

I love football!

[Perch] Football indeed.

Looks like we have a kicker
at the 50-yard line.

Looks like we have a kicker
at the 50-yard line.

What a game!

Woo-hoo!

Woo-hoo!

Go, team!

We're number three!

We're number three!

We're number three!

We're number three!

Oh. Aren't there only two teams?

We're number... Ooh!

Well, son,
that reminds me of a joke.

Well, son,
that reminds me of a joke.

Would you like to hear it?

Sure, whatev--

Sure, whatev--

Oh, well, your loss.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Um, well...

Morning, Patrick!

Are you ready for today's show?

Are you ready for today's show?

Shut that door!

[startles]

What's going on, Bunny?

What's going on, Bunny?

You seem jumpy.

Oh, well, it's just...

Every 20 years,
on the day of the big game,

a comet known
as the "Dadsteroid"

a comet known
as the "Dadsteroid"

passes over Bikini Bottom,
unleashing an ancient plague.

passes over Bikini Bottom,
unleashing an ancient plague.

If you laugh at a dad joke...

Hey-o!

Hey-o!

[laughs] Working hard
or hardly working?

[Bunny] ... or even giggle...

[laughs]

[laughs]

[grunts]

[screams]

[screams]

[moans]

[screams]

[screams]

[Bunny] ... you become a dad!

He-he-hey!

He-he-hey!

Working hard
or hardly working, huh?

[thunder]

That's awful! What can we do?

That's awful! What can we do?

All we can do is hide
until the big game is over.

It's not safe to...

It's not safe to...

[Cecil] Who wants some barbecue
and a joke?

[drooling]

Ancient plague or not,
I need a game day grilled boot,

Ancient plague or not,
I need a game day grilled boot,

otherwise I'll starve!

Ditto!

Mmm.
Your father does leave the grill

Mmm.
Your father does leave the grill

to use the bathroom
during the commercial break,

and you can tell
a commercial break is coming

and you can tell
a commercial break is coming

when he says
his one special phrase.

[Cecil] Well, I gotta see a man
about a seahorse.

[Cecil] Well, I gotta see a man
about a seahorse.

[Squidina] Oh!

Ah! The special phrase!

Ah! He said it! We gotta go!

Go, go! Now, now!

[Cecil hums]

[Cecil hums]

Go! Go! Go!

[suspenseful music plays]

[all grunt]

[humming]

[humming]

[growls]

Om nom nom nom!

We now return to the big game!

Ah!

Ah!

Wh-where?

Up there!

[Patrick strains]

[Squidina] Woah!

[Squidina] Woah!

Hurry, Mom, come on!

Save yourselves!

Hey, Bunny!

Yes, hon?

Why is the calendar afraid?

I-I don't know, dear!

Why is the calendar afraid?

Well, Hun-bun, it's funny.

Well, Hun-bun, it's funny.

It's because
its days are numbered!

[laughs]

[laughs]

Oh, get it?

[laughs]

Its days are numbered!

[hysterical laughter]

[hysterical laughter]

[groans]

[scary music plays]

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

[evil laugh]

Squidina!

-[Squidina screams]
-I'm scared!

-[Squidina screams]
-I'm scared!

Me too, Patrick!

[Grandpat] What are you
whippersnappers

always screaming about?

always screaming about?

[both] Grandpat!

[scary music plays]

Do grandpa jokes count
as dad jokes?

Do grandpa jokes count
as dad jokes?

I guess we're about to find out.

Oh, it's jokes you want?

What do you call someone
who rides a penny farthing

What do you call someone
who rides a penny farthing

with just one wheel?

A little short on cents!

A little short on cents!

I don't get it.

Me neither.

Of course we don't get it,
Patrick!

Of course we don't get it,
Patrick!

Grandpat is too old!

No one gets his jokes!

No one gets his jokes!

[Cecil and Bunny] Oh, kids,
where are you?

Oh, what now?

Everybody's always yelling
in this confounded house!

Everybody's always yelling
in this confounded house!

[both scream]

[both scream]

Quick, hide.

Squidina, I'm stuck!

Stop me
if you've heard this one!

Stop me
if you've heard this one!

If you're American
in the living room...

Cover your ears. Hurry!

Cover your ears. Hurry!

And American
in the dining room...

What are you in the bathroom?

What are you in the bathroom?

Oh, European!

[Grandpat laughs]

[Grandpat laughs]

[grunts]

[suspenseful music plays]

[whirring]

[whirring]

Oh, no! They're using

their dad handyman skills!

We're goners!

We're goners!

Hello, goners!

We're Dad!

We're Dad!

[screaming]

[screaming]

We've got to find someone
undadified and--

[dad 1] I used to hate facial
hair, but then it grew on me!

[dad 1] I used to hate facial
hair, but then it grew on me!

What was that?

[Squidina and Patrick]
Dad babies?

[Squidina and Patrick]
Dad babies?

What?

Dad snails?

Huh?

Huh?

Dad Squidw--

[Patrick] Wait,
that actually kind of suits him.

[Patrick] Wait,
that actually kind of suits him.

[dads laughing]

[Squidina and Patrick]
Dadpocalypse!

We're doomed.

We're doomed.

Daddy doomed.

[Sandy] Hello? Hello?

Anybody there?

Anybody there?

Your clothes can talk?

[Sandy] Hello?

Oh, that's my transistor radio!

Oh, that's my transistor radio!

Is there anyone out there
who has not been dadified yet?

This is Sandy Cheeks

This is Sandy Cheeks

broadcasting
on the Emergency Bikini Network.

All non-dads should report
to the Bikini Bottom Mall

All non-dads should report
to the Bikini Bottom Mall

immediately for safe haven.

To the shopping mall!

To the shopping mall!

Ouch.

Uh-oh.

How are we going to get
through all these dads?

How are we going to get
through all these dads?

We're going to have to blend in.

This ought to do the trick.

This ought to do the trick.

And we'll plug our ears
while we're at it.

Now, let's do you.

Now, let's do you.

Okay, let's move.

[dad 2] Money doesn't grow
on trees.

Don't make eye contact.
Just keep moving.

Don't make eye contact.
Just keep moving.

Just a little dab'll do ya.

Ask your mother.

Don't make me turn
this car around.

Don't make me turn
this car around.

[both panting]

There's nobody here.

Where's the pretzel stand?

I'm not totally sure.

I'm not totally sure.

I want a pretzel!

And a little cup
of cheese to dip into.

And a little cup
of cheese to dip into.

Not now, Patrick.

We have to avoid
all distractions.

-Otherwise, we...
-[screaming]

-Otherwise, we...
-[screaming]

Uh, Sandy?

Prepare to be saturated

Prepare to be saturated

by a delicate blend
of lavender and jasmine.

Yay!

I feel like a beautiful flower.

I feel like a beautiful flower.

Wait a minute.

Dads are supposed
to run for their lives

Dads are supposed
to run for their lives

from this sort of fragrance.

Huh.

Patrick and Squidina?

Patrick and Squidina?

Sorry to spray ya.
I thought you two were dads.

[giggles] We must be
the only non-dads left.

[giggles] We must be
the only non-dads left.

You know something?

This mustache reminds me
of my pappy.

This mustache reminds me
of my pappy.

And that dumb joke
he tells all the time.

[imitating dad] Hey, Sandy.

[imitating dad] Hey, Sandy.

What does a bee use
to comb his hair?

A honeycomb!

A honeycomb!

[laughs]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[scary music plays]

Why did the lobster blush?

Why did the lobster blush?

[both] Sandy, no!

Cause he saw
the ocean's bottom.

Cause he saw
the ocean's bottom.

[laughs]

[scream]

[Squidina and Patrick scream]

[Squidina] Oh, no.

We've run right
into a giant dad bowl.

We've run right
into a giant dad bowl.

Hey, what's that strange
football-shaped object

Hey, what's that strange
football-shaped object

coming at us?

It's a football.

It's a football.

-Uh-oh, we've got company.
-Ah?

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

[vendor] Hot dogs and a joke.

[both] Huh?

Get your hot dogs and a joke!

Hot dogs?

Hot dogs?

-Here.
-Are you for real?

[Squidina] Oh!

Hut hut hut!

Folks, if this game
wasn't exciting enough,

now there's
a helpless little girl

now there's
a helpless little girl

fleeing for her life
on the gridiron.

I've never been
more proud to be a dad.

I've never been
more proud to be a dad.

Same.

[screams]

[Perch] Just look at her go!

[Perch] Just look at her go!

Hey, did you hear
the one about--

No!

Go team!

Go team!

[Perch] Down to six seconds.

And she's passing
the 20-yard line!

And she's passing
the 20-yard line!

[Perch] Touchdown!

Yay, Squidina!

Amazing!

The Dadsteroid has been
knocked off

its regular course and into
the infinite blackness of space.

its regular course and into
the infinite blackness of space.

Well, it looks like our dad
nightmare is finally over.

Well, it looks like our dad
nightmare is finally over.

[boom]

Huh?

What the heck is that?

What the heck is that?

Hello, this is Sandy Cheeks

broadcasting on the Emergency
Bikini Bottom Network.

broadcasting on the Emergency
Bikini Bottom Network.

A Mommet is passing over us.

If a mom asks you
to go shopping, just say no.

If a mom asks you
to go shopping, just say no.

Yes, Mom, I love shopping.

[playful music plays]