This film contains strong language
I swear to baby Jesus,
as I see you there now,
she was standing beside me
in the bed.
What are you at, man?
How do you even know
what Tom Jones' gran looks like?
Let alone what her ghost looks
like, and why was she with you,
of all places? It looked like Tom
Jones, but with just longer hair,
basically. Basically, the perm
was all, like, evened out.
I can't wait to have a few pints
at the weekend.
It's Baltic, man.
I know, but there's nothing warmer
than a cold pint.
It's a gorgeous day. Smell that.
HE SNIFFS
It's just manure, man.
The smell of hope.
It's the anniversary of
my great-grandmother, actually.
Lord rest her. Just when
I get out here in the countryside
and I look up there towards space,
I remember her last dream
was to be shot up there into space,
spend her last days
in Mars floating around.
Right. Did you do it?
No, we brought her to Longford.
Listen to me, please,
and listen wisely.
Go on. Try me.
It's a fact. The Beatles
were essentially Irish.
They were. ba*ls they were!
No, famously Liverpudlian, like.
John Lennon's grandmother's
from Omagh.
Colonial shaming, man,
that's what that is. No.
All the Beatles except Ringo Starr
had Irish roots.
Not a chance, man,
I don't believe it.
Bob Marley, even. If you go back
into the record books,
if you get ba*ls deep
into the record books,
Bob Marley was actually from Ireland
as well.
That's a step too far.
Ah, sure I may as well just
jump in there and go with the fish.
You're stuck in the past, man.
You're stuck in my butt crack.
Better than being stuck
in that jacket.
Don't diss the jacket,
whatever you do.
No wonder you're single.
I'm single by choice.
You know that.
Yeah, but not your choice, like.
Well, someone's choice.
Dermot, the reason why I'm single
is I have some self-respect...
..for myself.
Right.
I'm not giving this body to everyone
that flutters their eyelids at me.
But what are you waiting for?
You're nearly 40.
37. You know that.
You were 38 last birthday.
You remember? It was just me, you,
and your ma.
Oh, yeah,
thanks for the chocolates.
And here's me final point, Dermot,
right? Go on.
Donegan, Lennon, Cobain are
all connected through Lead Belly.
How do you work that out?
Well, Lead Belly was directly
inspired by Irish settlers
that went to America, so basically
America wouldn't have music
if it wasn't for the Irish. Man,
give over, that's just not true.
All 50 states, like,
there wasn't a tune among them?
Not one tune.
Just loads of Americans
dancing around in absolute silence?
I tell you what, man, that's why
there's no videos of them.
I mean, fair play to us,
we're a mighty wee country,
but there's no way everyone
in this shop was influenced by us.
Look at the vast expanse
of music around you.
You can't say it all started here.
Like, he doesn't know her,
she doesn't know who they are,
like, miles apart...
Are they, though? Are they?
Are they, though?
They are.
When you think about the connections
that could be made indirectly?
What is that?
Indirect connections.
That's straight. If you need a dance
to explain your theory,
you're falling apart.
I'm just saying, you can
connect everything through...
What is that?
That's quite nice, actually.
Sort of therapeutic.
It is quite relaxing, actually.
What if we stick some speed on it?
Aye, I see you.
I don't think I can stop.
I'm enjoying this.
BELL TINKLES
Oh, morning, Sadie. Hi, Sadie.
We're actually closed at the minute.
You know what? Come on in.
You should be closed for the amount
of business yous two losers do
in here. There's a nice way
to say that, I'm sure.
Sadie, I hate to sound like
a broken record,
but, erm, you can't actually
be smoking in here.
You know, council.
Tell him, Sadie, where does
all the good music come from?
Oh, Africa.
Africa? As in Toto?
Africa as in Africans.
Oh, Africa, right, yeah.
Took it to America with them
on the sl*ve ships,
then it became the blues.
Then Presley stole it off them, and
the Stones stole it from Presley.
See?
What do you mean, "You see?"
It's a mixture of the same thing
we were saying. No, it's not.
Anyway, stolen or not, Sadie,
the Stones knew the blues, like.
They do in my hole.
The Africans were expressing pain,
that's where the blues comes from.
What's Jagger sad about?
Run out of supermodels to ride?
Look, my tongue is hanging out
of my head for a wee smoke here.
Who's holding?
I don't smoke any more. I gave up.
You did in my hole. Cough it up.
Sadie, I quit them. Too expensive.
Oh, well...
..you've been saving, then.
Couple of pennies...
That's good.
Must have my rent, then.
Well... rent's more like an abstract
concept, you know.
How do you define...?
What is rent?
How much of it do you have exactly?
Well, that's the million dollar
question.
And it's not a million dollars
that we've got.
I can see you're pressing me for
a number,
so, erm, off the top of me head...
..I'd have to check the books.
Shall we check the books, Elvis?
Check the books, yeah.
What happened to the 10
that was in here this morning?
Erm, we got those
chocolate fingers.
Oh, man. 10?
Aye, well, we had more,
but now we've got less.
10? You haven't paid your rent
in three months.
I thought it was four months.
Three months, three months, yeah.
I stand corrected, Elvis.
Four months.
Sadie, the thing is,
since the streamers have come along,
it's getting harder to flog
the hard stuff, you know.
I'll give you ten days
to pay me in full, or you're out.
Right, ten days is a wee bit unfair,
you know. We'll do our best.
Ten days. Yeah, yeah.
No, I heard that.
Ten days is fine.
Yeah, I'm well up for that.
Ten days... Yeah... or I turn
this place into a nail salon.
A nail salon would be ideal here.
Is he all right?
Jury's still out.
Ten days...
..or you and your sh*t
will be out on the street. Yeah.
Right. That's fair. Thanks.
Be well.
BELL TINKLES
Are you looking for a job, are you?
I was scared...
Little job in a nail salon? Yeah.
Manicures and pedicures, like?
She turns me on. What about it?
And there's a wee X for you there.
Oh-h*-h*!
BELL TINKLES Oh, sh*t, sh*t.
Action stations.
HE MOUTHS
WHISPERS: No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah.
WHISPERS: Really?
OK, OK, OK.
SLOW BLUES MUSIC PLAYS
Great wee shop. I love it.
Thanks very much. Thanks.
Right, so...
..I'm going to need one copy
of this one,
and you might as well do me a copy
of the big one while you're at it.
Actually, give me three copies
of the small one.
Right, erm,
we don't actually cut keys here.
Why not?
Because we're a record shop.
No keys?
Oh, we have keys,
but not those keys.
Well, where do I get keys cut?
Next door at the key shop.
Oh, right.
Thanks anyway.
No worries. Thank you.
Great wee shop, though. I love it.
Thank you.
All right. Be well.
It was working perfectly yesterday,
then boom,
right in the middle of the results,
the freaking thing quit on me.
We don't fix appliances.
We're a record shop.
Well, what have you got
all the record players
and speakers and stuff in the window
for? Because it's a record shop!
Please, Dermot, please. Sorry.
We're so f*cked.
Have you seen this?
Sean Kearney's gone.
And who's he when he's at home?
Sean Kearney, your man
with the block head and the hat.
You would have seen him around town
last week,
but not any more
because he's dead.
God rest him.
So we have to go to that wake.
Why? We barely knew the man.
He's got LPs worth looking at.
Who's told you that?
Johnny Murphy told me.
Man, Johnny Murphy talks crap.
Anyway, below the belt.
You don't think the family...?
We're not going to a wake
to buy a dead man's records,
not a chance.
Did his head get smaller
or did his hat get bigger?
That happens when you die.
Everything shrinks by about 14%.
All right, and who told you that?
Johnny Murphy told me.
Jesus, man, what did I tell you?
That man talks bollocks.
SOMEONE CLEARS THROAMy condolences again. So sorry.
It's fine. It's fine.
He was a great man for the tunes.
And you are?
Baby Jesus on a bicycle,
look at this.
He's taking it really badly,
bless him...
Not bad looking.
He was a real pillar
of the community, God rest him.
Get out!
I could give you 200 quid cash,
but I'd have to take them
off your hands today.
What about 300 quid? Oh, it's
a lovely spread you've got there.
350? I mean, the sandwiches
look absolutely class, well done.
Let's say 400 quid.
Get... out... NOW!
Nice one, Elvis, you fool!
HE VOCALISES
SONG ENDS
HUBBUB OF CONVERSATION
Yeah, all right, thanks very much.
That was one of my own ones.
It's called...
Play Coldplay!
Yeah, yeah, a bit of Viva La Vida.
Whoo!
Right, that's my time, folks.
Thanks very much. Drive safe.
Where do you think you're going?
Jake, look, I'm sorry, man, but
I'm not playing any more. I'm done.
I'm finished. I'm out. What
do you mean? I have customers here.
Aye, but they're not listening,
are they? If I wanted to play
for myself, I could play at home.
Mate, look, if you don't play
a few more songs, I can't pay you.
Oh, you can't pay me? What a shock.
You haven't paid me for the last
three times I've played here. Well,
if you keep playing that absolute
drivel... If you want a covers band,
book a covers band.
You booked a singer songwriter.
You don't get one without the other,
it's a two-for-one deal, like.
Either way, if you don't finish off
the night, I can't pay you.
You all right there, Rose, aye?
Ah, there you are.
Did you play already?
Right, I'll see you in a bit.
Look, we need to talk.
Like, talk talk.
SHE SIGHS
Dermot, can we please
just do it tomorrow?
I've had such a long day,
and I'm just knackered.
Oh, YOU'VE had a long day?
Yeah, I've had a long day.
I might lose the shop.
Ever since I was a kid, I've dreamt
of living surrounded by music,
you know, selling it, making it,
playing it, just sharing it.
And everything I've worked for,
everything me and Elvis have built,
is just slipping through
our fingers.
And no matter what we try,
nothing ever works.
And I am this close to just...
All right, yeah.
No, you've had a long day.
Right, enough's enough.
Am I a record dealer or not?
Show me something.
Show me something, please.
Come on.
Right, what's out there?
Hello!
What's this?
Holy sh*t.
Dermot, we've talked about knocking.
I could be in here
fornicating with myself.
f*ck up, you w*nk*r. Check your
emails. I sent you something.
No, I'm not going to bother, man.
I've a long day. Check your emails.
I've a long day ahead of me.
Just check the email, like. Right.
This better be good.
Oh, my God. Is that a Tommy Johnson?
Aye.
Have you seen what's behind it?
Willie Brown.
It's got to be worth at least...
Like, 40 grand.
I was going to say 50. He wants
to sell the whole box for 30.
30 grand? Where are we
going to get 30 grand?
No, not 30 grand, 30.
Where are we going to get 30?
I don't know, but we'll find a way.
The devil that Tommy Johnson
sold his soul to will guide us.
Amen to that. Where is he?
He's, erm, he's in Cork, so...
He's in Cork? Aye.
Cork as in the south of Ireland
Cork? That's the one.
Bit of a trek,
but we'll find a way.
So can we borrow your mum's car?
No. Their brand-new car, she's
not going to give it to me.
sh*t.
We could use the other one.
Your ma has two cars?
Yeah. Fair play.
But she'll take a bit of buttering,
that's the only thing. Right.
Maybe we get those records, you
can buy her the whole dairy farm.
Oh, sh*t, I'd better go.
Don't go on that laptop!
Oh, I'm going on that laptop, like.
What you been looking at?
Hiya. Hiya. How much for the slide?
Erm, 100.
No.
Erm, the horse?
Maybe I'll get the horse.
How much is that?
Er, 35.
OK, perfect.
There we go. Tap, please.
Whenever you're ready. Cheers.
It's declined that, actually.
Has it? Erm, OK, take that.
Thanks. Thanks.
I'll see what I have.
What can I get for a five?
You're late. Yeah. You were
supposed to be here an hour ago.
Yeah, there was traffic, Tracey.
I hope you at least
brought her a gift.
I mean, I got her this, like.
Jesus, you are pathetic.
Daddy!
Sweetheart! How are you?
Good. So good to see you.
How's your day going? How are you?
Good.
Got this for you. I love it!
You like it?
Yeah, it's a little pony!
That's just for you.
Hey, Elvis! How's it going, man?
Not bad. Hi.
Come on, honey, we'll say goodbye.
Tracey, I just got here.
We've got plans.
Bye, Daddy! Bye, sweetheart.
Love you!
Love you too. Have a good day.
You too. Dave's booked the private
screening room at the multiplex
for Lilly and her friends.
Oh, has he, yeah?
You've done well for yourself, Dave?
Yeah, we've got a caterer
and everything. You should come.
Yeah, Dad!
Yeah, Dad, come! Come, please!
You think so? Uh-huh!
Well, that's not a bad idea,
actually. Yeah!
Er, you know what?
I can't go tonight.
I just remembered, I've got to work
tonight in the shop. But Dad!
I'm sorry, sweetie,
but I have got you a lovely present.
What is it? I can't tell you.
Is it big? It's really big, yeah.
How big?
Oh, we're talking really big.
Is it a pony? Possibly, yeah.
You'll find out soon, sweetie.
OK. Come on,
we don't want to be late now.
Dad's buying me a pony!
Yeah, you've got the best dad
in the world, haven't you?
Yep, I do.
A pony? Really?
You'd better have got her
something nice this year,
or I swear to God I'll...
I know, slaughter me like a sheep.
It's not about me, Elvis.
That little girl in there
still adores you,
and I'd hate it if you broke
her heart the way you broke mine.
And I said I'd slaughter you
in your sleep.
I misheard you. Sorry.
Can you get f*cking Dave
to open up these gates?
LINE RINGS
Any luck?
I don't think he's home...
Oh, hello? Hi, it's Dermot, we spoke
last night about the records, aye?
Yeah, we, erm...
No, we're still interested,
absolutely,
just checking the price
is still 30.
WHISPERS: What time we got to be
there as well? All right.
Yeah, no, 30 works for us,
absolutely.
No, grand.
All right, and, er...
Yeah, 12? 12 tomorrow? Yeah.
Aye, we can do that.
Bye-bye. Bye. Bye-bye.
40 grand, man, we are laughing!
Stick a record on.
Stick a record on! Of course
I'm going to stick a record on.
Come on, get it going,
drop the needle, 40 grand
Go, go, go, get it going,
drop the needle, 40 grand
40 grand, 40 grand, 40 grand,
drop the needle, 40 grand
Problem solved, 40 grand,
40 grand, 40 grand...
Good news, lads?
Aye, well, erm, we've sorted out
the rent problem, aye.
Did you win the Lotto?
Kind of. Something like that.
You know, if I don't get my money
by the end of this week,
this place is toast.
Aye, I'd say come back in two days.
We'll be back by then.
Back? Where are you going?
Off out on a wee spin.
Wankers. Bye-bye.
BOTH: 40 grand. 40 grand.
40 grand. 40 grand. 40 grand.
A pair of cheaters, them two.
Hello, boys. Come on,
have a little dance, Mary.
Come on, have a little boogie.
40 grand, Mary's dancing.
Oh, she's dancing, dancing Mary.
Why are we dancing?
Cos we can, Mary.
Life is good, Mary. Life is good.
Life is sweet, Mary.
There she is.
That? You want us to drive
the length of the country in that?
Why not? What's wrong with it?
Does it even run?
Of course it runs.
I think.
There's not even any seat belts.
Don't worry about the seat belts.
They're for show. Come on, get in.
I don't know about this one.
Do you trust me?
Never mind. Go on.
Let's get packing.
What's in that?
Secrets.
What else you got?
Chair.
So we can sit down.
Yeah, go on. Pop it in.
Right, and cable ties.
You never know.
Toilet roll. Slainte. Could be
handy in case we get stuck.
A wee night cap. Oh, I like that
stuff. A pillow for your dreams.
The old umbrella.
No, no, whoa, whoa.
An umbrella, no, we're not
bringing that. What do you mean?
Do you want to be the laughing stock
of the country? No, I want to be dry.
Glasses on, boy. Come on, let's go.
Glasses on. Right. Let's have it.
Oh, come on,
I want to freestyle something.
Um...
Uh... Road, road,
boys on the road
We're two tiny boys
and we're on the road
Boys, boys, we're on the road
We're two tiny boys and we're
on the road... Here we go now!
Road, road,
we're boys on the road
We're two tiny boys...
HE SCATS
Bow, bow!
You know, what I just found out is
that all ghosts are either
little kids or old people.
I know, I see it.
You do have a point.
How come you never see, like,
a middle age, like,
midlife crisis ghost? With like
a mullet and keys on a chain?
Yeah, exactly. Or like a young lady
in her 20s dressed
in Lycra and roller skates. Aye.
Surely someone's been k*lled
in Lycra.
How's Lilly? Lilly was fine.
Tracey was being annoying, as usual.
Dave was there. He's kind of
my competition in a way, Dave.
He's taken my life over.
He's kind of won, man.
He's a sound boy. Dave?
Mm. The fella that stepped
in and took my life?
He's very handsome.
Yeah, but what's behind all that?
What's behind all that?
He's probably k*lled someone.
Look into his eyes next time
you see him and tell me
that Dave hasn't m*rder*d someone.
I'd gladly look into his eyes, man.
Dreamy. How does a man accumulate
such wealth without k*lling people?
Business school, probably. Yeah.
And a couple of these on the side.
IMITATES g*nf*re
Did you see what that sign said?
No, but I'm sure we're going
the right way because
all the sheep are facing north.
Clear this up for you.
Watch yourself,
I'm trying to watch the road.
Sorry, am I distracting you?
You are kind of.
Just trying to help you, man.
Sorry if I'm more help
than hindrance.
Lord on a bike, give me a chance,
please.
Oh, look at this place here.
Myself and Tracey used to come here
all the time for a romantic picnic.
Oh, did you, aye? Back during
the honeymoon phase.
Jeez. Honeymoon? Yeah.
Thought you went to Spain.
No, not the actual honeymoon.
By that time, we hated each other.
Oh, right. Yeah.
Thought so. Lots of tears.
Lovely, isn't it?
Delightful.
Who ever saw something like this
and went, you know what we need?
Concrete. Yeah. Concrete will solve
the problems, aye.
Wow, look at that.
Absolutely stunning.
It's unreal. Yeah.
It's a wee bit boring after
a wee while, you know? Yeah.
Shall we get going? Aye, why not?
Let's hop off. Cheers.
MUSIC: Day drinking in the sun
Day drinking in the rain
Day drinking when the streets
are sinking
Drinking to forget my pain...
Got to pee, got to pee.
Come on, make it swift.
Make it quick, man. Go on.
No point in saying it.
How much is a horse? Doesn't have
to be like a new horse.
Sorry, where are we at?
Just talking like a ballpark figure.
Hundreds, thousands?
You buying a horse?
For Lilly's birthday.
Do Tracey and Dave know
you're buying a horse?
What's that got to do with them?
Because it's a horse, man!
Yeah, but it's none of their
business. I'm getting it for Lilly.
Are you keeping it
at your house, aye?
No, I'm giving it to Lilly. Aye,
and where's she going to keep it?
Like, in her bedroom?
Under the stairs?
Not sure you've thought this
all the way through, man.
We'll cross that bridge
when we come to it, right? Right.
Just looking for a ballpark figure.
Doesn't have to be a new horse.
It can be a second-hand horse.
I think all horses are second-hand,
technically, when you get them.
Are you giving me grief?
No, I'm telling you truth.
Stick it here in the van in case
it rains, my old friend.
KNOCKING
Sadie? Frank?
It's nice to meet you.
It's nice to meet you.
It's got potential.
It does, surely.
It does, surely to God.
You're going to catch a lot of heat
from the community on this, though.
Yeah, but you see, Frank, I...
I love the heat.
Plus, they're a bunch of hoors,
the lot of them.
That's what this town needs,
isn't it? A big hotel like this?
Foreigners spending their money
up and down the town, eh, Frank?
Uh... what about the, uh,
the tenants?
Oh, that pair of yobbos.
Don't worry about them.
They're out of here.
I'll give you fair warning.
Mass evictions.
If this place isn't empty,
we, uh, we won't get involved.
But I've told you, Frank.
They're gone.
We're all alone.
How about we discuss this further
over a nice wee glass of wine?
Nice bit of lunch.
What about that, Frankie?
You don't mind
if I call you Frankie?
No, that would be lovely.
That would be lovely.
Tell you what. I'll give my boss
a call and see if we can't have
those contracts drawn up
as soon as possible.
How about you give me a call
once this place is empty?
Oh, I will do that.
And, Frankie,
when the papers are ready,
you just give me a tinkle
and I'll book a table for us...
..for two.
Oh, on the house.
It's very sensual, Frankie. Thanks.
It was lovely to meet you.
It was lovely to meet you, too,
Frankie.
Do you know, I was talking to
a lad the other night there
on the dark web about some of those
martial arts I was doing recently.
That's a lovely cow. I did
a two-week online elbow course.
Just the elbows? Just the elbows.
Sharpest part of the body.
Sah!
That's not martial arts, man.
That's just flailing.
That's you tripping over kerbs
and stuff.
Yeah? Say that to my face, then.
That's you tripping over kerbs
and stuff.
Well, say that to my face
if we're on the street,
but when I'm driving,
I can't respond.
Well, you know what they say.
It's better to be a gardener
in the w*r than it is to be a...
I mean, it's better to be
a martial artist in the w*r
than it is to be...
It's better to be a warrior
in the garden than it is...
Who's been saying this
and how long did it take him?
A couple of online gurus
that I've signed up to.
Gurus?
I'll leave you with this one.
Weak men create strong babies,
but strong babies create weak men.
Right, so I'm going to have
strong babies,
but then those babies
will make weak men?
Unless they do
the online elbow course.
Right, come on. Hop on out.
Do you know where we are?
In the middle of nowhere.
Come on, man, don't play around.
You know this spot.
Do I?
It's the border, man.
This is not the border.
Aye, it is.
What are you talking about?
Wait, hold on. No...
This. This is the border.
What are you looking at
that I don't see?
Come on, man, you know the spot.
Like, this is north of the border.
I'm south of the border?
No, you're not.
I'm north of the border,
I'm south of the border.
Look, this is where we come from
and this is where we're going.
This is south of the border.
Looks like just a road to me,
to be honest. It's just to you.
Look, I'll give you
a visual representation.
So, like, aye,
around about sort of here,
this is the border. Yeah.
OK. Right here.
Breathe it in, man. It's special.
Smells like sh*t to me.
Think of the journey ahead.
VEHICLE APPROACHES
Car, car, quick.
There's a car coming.
HORN BLARES
I saved your life.
I almost died back there, man.
Yeah, that sort of thing can happen
when you're a complete bollix.
Here, man, I'm not all right.
I'm a wee bit... Wee bit shaky.
Yeah? Like...
..what would have happened
if I died?
I suppose I would have
had to continue on to Cork.
Like f*ck you would.
I need the money!
For the shop, the pony for Lilly.
I mean me driving to Cork with a
dead friend in the boot
would have been really sad.
You'd have put me in the boot?
Well, do you want to go in the
backseat there? I don't mind, like.
I want it all gone, Frankie boy.
Are we having anyone pack up
all the merchandise?
Gone. All of it.
Back to the bare walls.
Want all these records gone too.
Aren't we saving anything?
You could save yourself a boot in
the hole, Frankie, and do as I say.
OK, I'll run the numbers
and see who we have available.
It'll be done tomorrow.
Don't forget.
We have our lunch date.
To sign the contracts.
See you.
Don't worry, I'll be there.
Oh, look, Bundoran, 20K. Can we go?
Fancy cinema?
Aye, what'll we see?
Apparently, there's a very scary
movie about sharks.
Johnny Murphy was telling me.
Sharks? Yeah.
What's scary about sharks, man?
You'll soon find out.
Here, man, that wasn't scary at all.
I was quivering, man.
Why would you be quivering?
Well, as cartoons go,
that was scary.
Shark with legs, though. Hmm?
That'd be scary. Shark with legs.
That's kind of one of my nightmares.
Is it? Yeah, just like the idea of,
like, a shark with legs,
just attacking you.
It's running at you.
Should we run the other way
and get some chips? Yeah.
Wanting a chip? Nah.
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
I love your jacket. Is that Elvis?
Yeah. That's my name.
You're joking. No, I'm serious.
I'm named after Blondie.
Is your name Harry?
No, Deb... Ah!
I've seen them live twice.
Any good? Yeah, brilliant.
Yeah.
Is that The Basement?
You know them?
Did you make that? I had to.
They didn't make it themselves.
No way.
It's beautiful.
Your whole look is just perfect.
Thanks. I like all your buttons
and stuff.
Yeah? Do you want to swap jackets?
Nah.
Green's not really my colour. OK.
Come on, let's go.
I'd better.
Yeah. It's nice to meet you.
Yeah. You too.
Yeah. See you, Harry.
SHE LAUGHS
Mate, I'm all out of luck.
How are you getting on?
I think I'm in love.
All right.
I think I'm in debt.
Shall we? I genuinely think
I'm in love.
All right, what about all that
saving yourself bollocks?
Good news? Just business stuff.
We're about to get started
out there.
Last chance to call off
the wrecking ball.
Oh, wreck away.
Right, then.
You better sign your life away.
Get started, then.
Oh, man.
Know what that used to be?
It's sacred ground.
This was the old Astoria Ballroom.
Everyone played there.
You name them, they played it.
Music royalty.
The scenes at this place
were the scenes.
Unbelievable.
You won't get anywhere
like this again.
Not today. Not a chance.
Wish I could have played...
Elvis!
What are you at, man? Elvis!
You all right, man? What's going on?
I was at a concert here
many moons ago.
What, at the Astoria?
Class, who'd you see?
Meat Loaf.
I'm sorry man. That's...
That's rotten.
Bit of luck, maybe no-one saw you.
My old man brought me.
God, he had some sick sense
of humour, then.
I know you don't like to talk
about him and we don't have to,
but do you have any idea
where he went?
Birmingham.
Birmingham like...
Like England, Birmingham?
Alabama. Right.
That's where all the money was to be
made as an Elvis impersonator,
so that's where he went. Right.
Then he turns up in my life again
when I'm 15.
Brings me to Meat Loaf.
We get steamed, and next morning,
I wake up and he's gone.
Like, gone gone, again? Yep.
Back to Birmingham. Alabama?
England. Keep up.
Left me 50 and a note.
Spend this wisely.
And that was it.
sh*t. Yeah.
Look, he didn't owe me anything, so.
Aye, but come on, man.
He was your dad.
Like, that's got to be rough.
I just don't want Lilly to see me
the same way I see my dad, you know?
Come on, man. You're joking, right?
Cop yourself on.
You're nothing like him.
No? I mean, you're there,
aren't you?
Try to be. You're a good da, man.
Come on, let's get ourselves a pint.
But you're driving.
Aye, we'll take a wee break.
We'll be all right.
We got time. Just for one.
Just have the one.
Each, though. I'm not sharing.
Can't get too drunk.
Supposed to be on a mission here.
Eeny, meeny...
COW MOOS
Hey! What are you doing on my land?
Was he not happy
with your performance?
g*n FIRES
Jesus Christ,
you're going to get us k*lled!
Sorry!
You're always sh**ting
my boyfriends!
Car's not sounding too healthy.
No, it's not, is it?
What about yourself?
Good night?
Woke up in a chicken coop.
So standard, then?
Pretty much, yeah.
How you doing, buddy? Do you mind
filling her up with juice?
And if you don't mind checking
the oil as well. Yeah.
Um, do you mind if we get
changed? Is that all right? Sure.
Dermot, can I borrow your phone?
What happened to yours?
The chickens took it. What do you
mean the chickens took it?
In the chicken coop, remember?
God, man, you're a liability.
Come on.
I always give you my phone.
Here, take it. Cheers. I'm off on
the hunt for the hair of the dog.
Yeah, get me a pint there, will you?
Cheeky. Cheers.
Hello, Dermot. No, it's actually
Elvis. How are you getting on?
Elvis? Why are you calling me
on Dermot's phone.
If I told you, you wouldn't even believe me.
It involves chickens, though. Is Lilly there?
I still can't believe you said
you'd get her a pony.
Yeah, I'm buying her a pony.
What about it? A pony? Really?
Yeah, it's like a small horse.
I know what a f*cking pony is,
Elvis. OK.
She's done nothing but talk about
that damn pony since you left here.
Really? Are you trying
to absolutely break her heart?
Tracey, I'm getting her a horse.
What's the problem with it?
You can't even afford new shoes.
I can afford new shoes
if I want to buy them.
But I like these shoes.
They're aerodynamic.
You can't go on doing this to her.
You can't keep letting her down.
I don't want her growing up with you
as a role model
for what a man should be. Tracey,
I'm not looking for a lecture.
Can you put Lilly on the phone,
please?
Is that Daddy?
I'm warning you.
Daddy, I thought of a new name
for the pony.
Oh, really? What is it? If it's
a boy, I'm calling him Presley.
Oh, that's a lovely name.
What if it's a girl?
Preslee but with an extra E.
Preslee!
I think that's such
a beautiful name, sweetie.
It's one of the best names
I could think of.
What colour is it? It's brown.
I was hoping you'd say that.
I can't wait. Definitely brown.
Go on, honey,
you go get your homework done.
OK, Mummy. Bye!
If you let her down on this one,
I swear to God...
Tracey, look, I know. I know
what you're going to do to me,
so just leave it up to me.
I'm going to get her a horse.
Now get off your own high horse,
please. Thank you.
Can I get a pint, please?
You all right? Yeah.
I need a f*cking pony.
You asked for a f*cking pint.
You don't have a pony back there,
do you?
Do I look like John Wayne?
Right, forget the pony.
Which one of you cowboys are paying
for these drinks?
A pint.
I don't have my wallet.
You what?
I can't find my wallet.
You don't have your wallet?
Oh, right.
And you were going to buy a pony!
Come here, right.
Do you have my wallet?
Obviously not.
I don't have it. Where is it?
Must have left it at the farmer's.
Right, I'll sort this out.
Don't worry. All right.
Can I get a packet of peanuts
back there, please?
What are you at?
Leave the pint, man. I have to.
Thanks, boss. Come on.
Sorry!
Oh, God. Some legs on the boy!
Come here!
YELLING
Come on, then!
Drive!
What? Close the door!
That barman.
Aye, had some legs on him.
Fast, fast boy. Pulled an absolutely
delicious pint, though,
in fairness to him.
It was a stellar pint.
Absolutely gorgeous. We'll have
to stop in on the way home.
Oh, yeah. Pay him back.
Pay our dues.
Here, man, what are we going to do?
Like, two boys,
not a wallet among us.
Like, we're two for zero, like.
What's next?
What do we do for the old...?
We should call Rose.
Rose? Rose, yeah. Why?
Because she might have
a few quid to borrow you.
We split up, man.
You and Rose have broken up?
Aye. Since when?
Tomorrow. I don't know,
I need to get around to it.
So she's single now, Rose?
I'm just curious. She's single,
is that what you're saying?
You're going to pretend
like that's a joke?
It's a very sensitive time for me,
actually. I'm sorry.
Big D's demolition.
Time's money, lads.
Wee D, you're out the back.
Medium D, shift yourself.
Double D, bathroom.
You want everything out?
You don't want to keep anything?
You better wash those hands,
you dirty boy.
That was a phantom poo.
Who are you on the phone to?
Sadie. Sadie? Hold on. Wait for me.
Here, give us the phone.
No! Give us the... f*ck sake.
f*ck.
Not you.
Hello? I'm not passing near the
phone, man. Wash your hands first.
Morning, Sadie. Let me talk to her.
Let me talk to her.
Are you well?
How are you this fine day?
Aye, no, we're not
too bad ourselves now.
Are you still on your wee trip?
Aye, no, we're all good.
That's fantastic.
Have you got my rent?
No, we're on our way to get the old
money for you, so we're going to...
Tell her about the chicken coop.
Chicken coop?
We're on the road...
Don't touch me with those hands!
Not you, Sadie. No, no, no.
Touch me when you like.
Hello, Sadie! Anyway, we're on
our way to getting the old, uh,
the money for you and all that,
but, uh, we are getting the...
We've a lead on some records
we think we'll sort out
our finances a bit.
Well, that's...
That's exciting, isn't it?
That's wonderful.
Why are you ringing me?
We're a little bit strapped
for cash at the minute, so, uh...
Och, you wee lambs.
Well, sure, maybe I could wire you
a few shillings.
Yeah, just a wee helping hand.
Where exactly are you?
Where are we? Where are we?
Uh... Last I remember is
we just passed Knock.
Knock? Blessed be that
holy place.
But listen,
why don't you find a wee bank?
Send me the name,
and sure I'll wire the money
and you can pick it up there.
All right.
Is that so? Why wouldn't I?
All right. Going to give us
some money. Of course.
Aye, no, we'll make our way
there and, uh, all right.
Don't you worry, lads.
You just enjoy your wee spin.
Thanks.
Thanks for being so understanding.
All right.
OK. Be well.
Twats.
Big D, stick the kettle on.
She's going to help us out.
Send us some cash.
We just need to find a bank.
You see those mountains over there?
They're the same mountains
that are connected
to the American Alopecian Mountains.
Alopecian? Mm.
Mate, that's the...
That's the bald lads.
Do you mean the... Appalachians?
Appalachians, yeah.
It's a bit like the Loch Ness
Monster kind of carry on.
How do you mean? Well, he sometimes
comes over to the north of Ireland
as well, you see.
He comes over here?
He comes over here, yeah.
What about the fella
with the big feet?
Jeremy Beadle?
I don't know where we are, man,
to be honest.
I could have sworn...
This is looking familiar, man.
Maybe try left here.
Go to the left...
No, I think that's north, man.
Yeah? Aye.
Think it could be down that way.
Go on, check your map.
Why don't you check your phone?
The phone doesn't have maps,
does it? It's a flip.
OK, yeah. Not a fancy boy.
That's fine.
I'm nearly sure south is that way.
What do you mean, you're nearly sure?
I have an internal compass. I've got an
internal compass. Since when?! Since I was born.
That's not been playing on
this trip at all.
I've had it since I was born.
I've never been lost. Watch this.
All right. I'll trust you.
See, I told you we were going
the right way.
That sheep was facing north.
If sheep are facing north,
then you're going the right way.
It's like a sheep religion.
Sheep religion? Yeah. Right,
well, what about that one there,
facing the other way?
Could be an atheist.
All right.
Where to now, Marco Polo?
That way. Actually, I think
maybe it was the other way.
Maybe. Maybe?
No, it's definitely...
It's definitely down this way.
Has to be.
Here. Old lad.
Maybe he'll know the way.
Yeah. Let's put it in here
for a second.
Excuse me. Sorry to bother you.
Just my friend seems got us lost,
and I was wondering, could you,
uh...
Lost, are you? Yeah. Aye.
Yeah. Could you help us?
I suppose I could. Great.
We're looking for...
I'll tell you...
Where, where, where did you say
yous were coming from?
Uh, we didn't, actually. Tyrone.
Well, where are yous trying to
get to? Cork.
Oh, Tyrone to Cork.
Yeah. Well, now, that's a tough one.
You know, I don't think you can
get there from here.
What? Right, well, forget about Cork
for a minute.
We're also looking for a bank, so
if you know a way to get to a bank.
A bank? No, no, no, no, no.
You couldn't reach a bank from here.
I'll tell you though what.
I'll jump in the back
and I'll take you someplace
you'll be able to get there from.
How's that?
Aye, all right. OK. Come on.
Peter, you get in the back there.
Peter?
Here, I don't want to be rude
or anything,
but what's with the fox, man?
Well, that's Peter.
All right. How are you going, Peter?
Are you well?
How long's he been departed?
Eight years. Oh, God.
He's looking good for it.
Good wee fella.
You better pull over.
You'll have no luck
driving past a nun.
Bless you, boys.
My feet were k*lling me there
trampling along.
Are you the father?
Am I f*ck!
I mean, no, sister. I'm not.
Well, we're all family.
God's family.
You too.
Are you going far? Cork.
Oh, great. So are we.
Um, do you know the way? I don't.
He knows how to get there.
No, I don't. You're just
after telling us you do.
No, I didn't. I said I could
take you to a place
that you could get there from.
All right, well, I'm sorry to get
bogged down in semantics
and to interrupt
the lovely flow of conversation,
but, um, we need to find a bank
and then a petrol station.
We're almost out of fuel. Listen,
lads, the good Lord will guide us.
He sure will. Look at this
holy, sweet mother of f*cking...
What's that? Ah!
Shadows in the valley
The dusty sunset hay...
Lads, there's no room now
in the back here.
Well, I mean, she can sit up
the front with me if she wants.
I mean, she can sit there
in the middle.
No, she'd be better off back here.
There's more room.
How y'all doing?
Think you can squeeze little old me
in there with y'all?
Yes. Yes.
I don't think there's any space,
really now.
Where is your Christian spirit?
Hiya. All right. Hi.
How you going?
So, uh, so you're American, aye?
How'd you guess?
Oh, I guess I've just got some ear
for the accents, like.
So, um, what do you do for a living,
like when you're back home?
I'm a stripper. Oh!
Very good, aye. Very nice.
Have you ever been to America?
No. Not yet, but, uh,
I'm planning to.
Oh, are you, yeah? Aye, I am.
Well, if you ever
come through Texas,
you can bunk with me.
OK,
I think it's time that we all said
a little decade of the rosary.
Would you look at that?
This is my stop right here.
Thanks for the lift home, lads.
Now go straight here,
you'll see a sign
for the main road.
Shows you straight to where
you need to be, lickety split.
HE LAUGHS
Hail Mary, full of grace
The Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou among women
And blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus
Holy Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners now and
at the hour of our death. Amen.
Why are we stopping?
We appear to have run out of fuel.
Oh, Jesus. Sorry.
Hope these girls know how to push.
I saw a sign. We're not far
from the nearest village.
Well...
Come on, lads.
Are you two even pushing?
I am pushing, sister.
Just a bit of muscle into it.
Almost there. Yeah?
All right. Oh, God. That'll do.
Now, where did you say you were
going? I was just going to hang out,
grab a drink,
find myself some place to sleep,
and head down to Galway
tomorrow morning.
Don't be silly. Sure I'm going
that way. Come on with me.
If you want, you can stay with us
in the car.
We've got lovely leather seats,
you know. Quite comfy.
We can make it work.
You think the Lord
doesn't see into your souls?
Come on.
I f*cking hate nuns. Aye, well,
forget about nuns for a minute, man.
We need to find a bank and get Sadie
to transfer us that money.
DIALLING TONE Christ.
Just saw two pigeons scissoring
over there. Lovely.
There's no movement
on the money, man.
No? Nope. The bank's after closing
in, like, ten minutes.
I think Sadie's been playing
with us.
So what you're saying is
we've got no money for fuel,
no money for accommodation,
no money for anything.
Is that what you're saying?
Well, it wasn't what I was saying,
but I guess it is, aye.
That's great. Yep.
Right, we're screwed, so.
It's a nice wee bench, though.
Yeah, we can't sleep here, though,
can we?
Oh, f*ck. Jimmy the Fist's
in town. Who?
Jimmy the Fist. Yeah?
The Fister himself.
f*cking hell,
we should head down.
Do you fancy it?
You've got to pay to get in so.
Ach, don't be worrying about that.
Jimmy and me go way back.
Oh, you do, yeah? How far back?
Couple of years, man.
You know him? Yeah, I know him.
I'm not joking. We used to play
a couple tunes together, like.
Ah, don't look at me like that!
You know Jimmy the Fist?
I do. I played with him.
Where? Around.
All right. I believe you.
We'll go for a look, so,
if you want. Aye, yeah.
I'm not going sober, though. Sure,
who's talking about going sober?
What are you...?
Who's talking about going sober?
Oh, you f*cking legend!
And if you're hungry,
if a man ever gets peckish,
some bread there. You should have
quit while you were ahead, man.
Peanut butter.
Aye, that's it, come on.
Lovely stuff. Mm-hm.
If you look into it, the Egyptians,
they didn't even build the Pyramids.
I'm telling you,
aliens from planet f*cking Zuzu...
Nah, give over.
PHONE RINGS
Hold on. Who's that?
Getting a call...
I don't know,
I haven't answered yet, have I?
It's... Hello?
It's your man with the...
All right, no.
No, we're on our way, we just had
some, er, lubrication issues
with the car and had to drop it...
Ask him about the money. Shut up.
Had to drop it off at the...
No, not you.
We popped it in the garage and...
HE WHISPERS
Oh, right, no. No, fair enough.
Aye, no, we should have told you.
Sorry. Our bad. Erm...
No, we'll be there. No, no, no.
No, hold them for us.
And still 30?
I know.
Yep, no, no, no. No bother.
All right.
All right, see you tomorrow.
Mm-hm.
What did he say? If we're not there
by noon tomorrow, we're f*cked.
Right, well, it's time to get
serious, then. Aye.
How you going, man?
Erm, I'm a friend of Jimmy's,
so, erm, would you mind, like,
having a chat and getting us in?
A friend of Jimmy's? Is that so?
My friend over there
used to knock about with the Pope.
All right, well,
good to have friends, like.
Erm, my name's Dermot. If you
mention it to Jimmy, he'll know...
Listen, son, I think
you've had too much to drink.
All right, there's a nice way to do
that. No need to be aggressive.
Do you think I was born yesterday?
Now get out there
before I knock the both of yous out!
Dermot! A thousand blessings.
Is that you?
All right, aye, good to see you.
What are you doing down here?
It's a long story, man.
Oh, yeah? Yous here for the gig,
are yous? Aye, that was the plan.
Leah, these two boys are with me.
Come on through. Jimmy's going to be
real happy to see you.
Come on. No worries.
Say hello to His Holiness from me,
yeah?
BLUES MUSIC PLAYING
Did you play with these lads before?
Yeah. Wow.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.
That's one we call
The Big Fish Shuffle.
And, erm...
Oh, I think I must be dreaming.
There's an old friend of mine here,
ladies and gentlemen.
This guy's name is Dermot.
Dermot, you've got to do a song
with us now, I think.
All right. Go on!
Come on. Come on up here.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Good to see you. Good to see you.
All right. Have a seat.
What do you want to play?
THEY WHISPER
Why don't we do that one
that you wrote
that we used to play
all those years ago?
All right, yeah. All right.
Way back.
OK. Yeah, we toured together.
We toured together years ago,
so I think I remember it.
Yeah, that's...
We'll give that a shot.
How you doing? Good to see you.
Erm, I'm not precious, boys.
Just join in when you find it, like.
Laughs for the lonely
Money well spent
There's nothing else for it
When your back's broke and bent
Take all you can now
Come back for more
Nothing is easy
When you've given it all
A true friend is hard to find
One that you won't forget
Don't give up just yet...
Harry? What are you doing here?
Oh, Ireland's not such
a big country.
You could walk it in a week.
Or you could cycle it in a day.
You could thumb it in an hour.
SHE CHUCKLES
There's something strange
in a promised land...
They're good. Very good.
And nothing is sacred
till your maker is met...
THEY WHISPER
For all you know, Jesus wept
A true friend is hard to find
One that you won't forget
Don't give up just yet
A true friend is hard to find
One that you won't forget
You're the best I've met...
You're a good da, man.
A true friend is hard to find
One that you won't forget
Don't give up just yet...
So how's, er, your friend?
Er, let's just say
we're not friends any more.
Oh, sure. It happens to
the best of us. Mm.
And your money's well spent
But you're the best I've met
We laugh for the lonely
And your money's well spent
Laughs for the lonely.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Just you wait right here, OK?
OK. Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah?
SHE CHUCKLES
Let's go. Come on. What do you mean?
Let's get on the road.
I'm all right. I'm staying on.
What are you talking about staying
on? Come on. It's getting late.
Drink up. I'm grand. You carry on
if you want. I'm good.
We're getting the records tomorrow.
Forget the records.
What are you talking about?
I've been chatting with the boys.
And they said if I go to America,
I can make a real show out of it.
What about me? What about the shop?
Forget the shop. It's gone.
We're not getting it back, man.
It's not done, man.
Let's just finish that drink...
f*cking let it go, man! f*ck
the records. f*ck the shop and you.
Safe travels, man.
Here, will you keep it down?
I'm trying to enjoy my night here.
Who do you think you're talking to,
pal? Here. Get out of me way!
Who are you talking to?
Start something, you start on me.
GLASS BREAKS
SHOUTING
Hey, hey! Well, lads, how are you?
Hey, it's, er, Dermot
and, er, Elvis?
Yeah. Anyway, listen, lads.
The landlord has decided he's not
going to take any further action,
so basically, you're free to go.
Yes? Sorry. Was there anyone here
last night looking for me?
You were expecting visitors,
were you?
Possibly, yeah.
Like a girl with, like,
long black hair with beautiful,
deep blue eyes.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
HE CHUCKLES
Well, you see,
Angelina Jolie, she called in
last night and said
she'd be waiting for you
at the runway with the private jet.
HE CHUCKLES
Now, listen here,
you pair of gobshites.
Why don't you do us all a favour
and f*ck away off back to Tyrone
or whatever hole you come out of?
Because, believe me, there'll be
two more bodies in the bog.
HE CHUCKLES
Ah, sure, it was great meeting you.
And if you see Angelina,
tell her I was asking about her.
Angelina Jolie!
You pair of gobshites.
HE CHUCKLES
So what now?
Do what you like, mate.
I need a walk
and some fresh air alone.
All right, suit yourself.
Aye, I will. Yeah.
I will. Do.
All right?
All right, yeah.
Is this seat taken?
Mm, it doesn't look like it.
All right.
Look, I'm ready to hit the road
and get going whenever you are,
so say the word.
Yeah, go for it.
What do you mean?
Wherever you want to go,
you go for it,
but I'm going to Cork alone.
What are you at? No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
Catch yourself on.
I'm coming with you.
You're coming with me now, are you,
after last night? What about it?
All that bullshit you were talking in the pub.
Yes, I am, it's our journey. You going to America,
all that stuff? f*ck the shop? Mate, I am
going to America. That's still the plan. Yeah.
I just need these records first, like.
Yeah, I'm going to get the records.
I found these records. I'm going to sell
them, and I'm going to make the money
and I'm going to give you half,
and that's it. Wise up, would you?
I'm coming with you.
It's our journey.
Yeah, sure. Some journey
this is. You know what?
Go on. Do what you like.
I'm not your da.
I didn't mean YOUR da.
I just meant das in general.
I wasn't... Have a drink on me.
Elvis...
I'll see you around, yeah?
PHONE RINGS
Hello? Hello?
Sorry, who's this?
What do you mean, who's this?
You called me. Who's that?
It's Dermot.
Dermot?
Sorry, have I got the right number?
WHISPERS: Is that my phone, is it?
WHISPERS: I thought it was MY phone.
Hello?
Hello?
Really, Rose? Jake?
It's not like that. It's just...
Save it. I don't want to know.
Just...
Anyway, you've done me a favour.
I was calling to tell you it's done,
so thanks for the ride,
have a nice life, and be well.
"Hello, boys. Kindness receives
what kindness gives."
"Safe onward journey."
God, I love nuns.
A true friend is hard to find
One that you won't forget
Don't give up just yet.
Dermot. All right?
Felt sorry for you, so I came back.
Aye, sure you did.
Let's do this.
Right. What are you doing, man?
Hold on.
ENGINE STARTS
Do you hear the sound of that?
How'd you do that, man?!
I'll give you one guess.
You're joking.
No way. Yeah. Kindness receives
what kindness gives.
All right, well, what are we doing
sat around here? Let's go!
All right! Patience.
Dermot! Hey.
Are we there? No, no, no,
I just wanted to ask you,
what's your favourite... mermaid?
Like, what's your favourite cartoon
that had a mermaid in it?
You... You woke me up to ask me
what my favourite mermaid is?
Oh, no. I'll do all the driving
and talk to myself, then, will I?
I reckon we're almost there, like.
Keep going. Yeah? You sure?
Yeah. Keep driving, man. You sure
now? What are you stopping for?
Just keep moving.
We're almost there.
Just straight up this way.
Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm driving.
Fine.
Right, I reckon we're good.
Pull up here
and we'll do the rest by foot.
Yeah, this is it. Right.
With ten minutes to spare.
Sweet deal. Smashed it.
What's going on here, though?
What's the story here, man?
This'll be the guy.
How you going, boss? Are yous boys
here about the records?
Hi. We are indeed. I'm Dermot,
the one you've been chatting to
on the phone.
Sorry, you're a bit late.
Well, sorry. We came as soon
as we could, like.
No, no, no, you're not late for me.
You're late for the records.
The records are in that van
with them bailiffs.
Sorry.
Hold up! Hold on!
Hey! Wait up! Oi! Crikey!
Boys, there's two people
chasing after you!
Can you not see us, like?
We're right here?
Boys, please, come out and talk.
Oh, thank God. All right.
Good to see you.
Jesus, lads, what's happening, like?
Well, erm...
You have a package inside that van
that we need to retrieve.
Listen here, lads.
We have our instructions.
"Take everything,"
not, "Take everything except
for what you two gobshites want."
Boys, there's money in it for you.
Aye.
There is. Oh, yeah.
What do you mean?
Hold on. Hold on a second, lads.
Talk away amongst yourselves there.
Look at that.
Where'd you get that?
Thanks, Dad, wherever you are.
You've kept that the whole time?
Of course I have.
I couldn't get rid of it.
Look at you! I love this jacket.
You look great in this jacket!
I've always loved this jacket!
Lads, this is Sterling.
We can't spend this muck down here.
It's not worth a shite.
Mate, get yourself down to
a great new club in town.
It's called the bureau de change.
Yeah. If you pop that in,
50 euro or more, depending.
Couple of c*ck. Don't look
a gift horse in the mouth, boys.
Go on, lads. Go on.
We'll take it. We'll split it.
Tap that boot for us.
Oh! She's lovely.
Look at this. There they are.
Look at that. Come on.
All right. All right, lads, thanks.
Cheers, boys. Be well.
Good luck. Have a good one.
Show us a look.
Just hold them for me.
This will be the one.
Oh, yeah. Look at that.
We still saying that's...? 40.
That's 40, isn't it?
Unbelievable. Be careful. Gently.
That's maybe, like, a five.
That's a four. That's...
That's three. I mean...
We've done it!
DERMOT LAUGHS
All right. OK. Well, we'll, erm...
What do we do with it?
Erm, well, erm...
Well, I guess that's...
We should, erm.
Kindness receives
what kindness gives.
Keep them covered, man.
It's a good workout.
Aye, grand.
This is doing absolutely
sweet f*ck all.
Man, I know it's the right thing
to do, but it's 40 grand gone.
I know. I kind of feel
like we shouldn't really go back.
It's too late now.
Where's he gone?
Oi! Oh, he's over there.
All right?
What are you doing here?
40 grand, 40 grand...
Hold on a second.
Wave goodbye to 40 grand.
Do you not want them now?
How you going?
Erm, well, we do,
but we've got to be...
We've got to be honest with you.
Erm, this one record alone
is worth 40,000.40,000.
Except I just gave it to you.
I know, but this one's 40 grand.
I mean, that one is at least five,
and a small fortune here,
so, er, it's not right
for us to take it.
But how would I sell them?
Clearly, I can't sell records.
I just sold them to you for 30.
The usual route that you take
is you'd find someone who knows
what they're dealing with,
and, you know,
they'd sell them for you.
Would you guys consider selling them
for me for a commission?
Ah, no, we couldn't. Well...
Could we? I mean, it's your call.
You can do what you need.
Anyone I brought in would be looking
for a commission to sell them, so...
Yeah, yeah.
It is very true.
WHISPERING
Say real words, man.
What are you saying?
10%? 10%. Aye, we can go for 10%.
15% minimum.
Good man yourself.
Now you can go
and buy your stuff back.
You know, since my wife died,
I'm out of here.
My plan is to go and live out my
days with my daughter in Tyrone.
Tyrone! Tyrone? You're talking to
two Tyrone lads here. Aye?
We're born and bred, like. Yeah.
Wow. Aye, we're, erm,
we're driving back that way today,
actually, if you...
If you need a ride,
we can pop you in the back.
Give me a lift to... Aye?
Take a ride? Aye, of course.
Course we would. Give us a few quid
for fuel, yeah, you'll be fine.
Don't be cheeky. There's always
a catch with Tyrone boys.
But, yeah, I'll take you up
on that deal.
Wait here a minute.
I'm going to go into the house,
get me stuff,
and I'll be right back out to you.
All right.
No worries. Lovely stuff.
Go on. Grab your bits and...
Take your time.
We'll be waiting right
here with your...
It's a nice... It's a nice feeling,
doing something good.
Yeah. For someone good.
I need to get my hand off there,
man.
Do you see that?
Oh, Christ.
Is that your horse?
So great to see you.
Oh, fantastic to see you.
Molly! Come on, let's go in.
All right, aye. Aye, no worries.
Sounds good to me.
All right. Well, be well.
That's the second offer on
the Johnson, man.
Yes! Yes!
The rent is sorted. f*ck you, Sadie!
Wait. Where's the sign gone? Hmm?
I'm sorry about your shop.
Yeah, I'm sure you are.
I think you should come with me.
Please.
I've got some tape in the car.
Right.
How?
Sadie hired us to clear the place.
I figured you'd want it all saved,
so... I saved it.
Thank you.
Oh!
Thanks, man.
Hey, don't be silly. We're family.
Yeah.
This is my building.
If you boys like the space,
I'd be happy to take you on
as tenants.
Good work.
Now, if you gents will excuse me...
..I've got one last piece
of business needs attending to.
God, he's some man for one man,
like. Aye, he is.
Unbelievable.
Oh. There's your drink. Thank you.
Can I help you with anything else?
No.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm just waiting on someone.
You're waiting for Frank.
Frank works for me.
Frank couldn't be here.
And you are...?
This is an in-depth structural
evaluation of your premises.
As you'll see, page two,
paragraph four,
I have marked the section
on foundational concrete rot.
Corrosion,
insufficient reinforcement of steel,
dry rot in the roof and floor beams,
and high levels of lead,
asbestos, and other toxins in
the water. It's all right there.
I've taken the liberty
of filing a complaint with the LBC.
LB who?
Local Building Control.
Oh! Of course.
And as you'll see from their notes,
turn to page six...
..they're recommending a complete
tear-down of the entire building.
SHE LAUGHS
But what about the hotel?
Oh, no. There'll be no hotel.
No, you see, what you will have here
once the LBC is finished with you
is essentially a big empty space.
Now, if you do need a good
demolition company for the job...
..Big D's Demolition, that's me.
I'm Big Dave.
And if you decide to try
and mess with my good pal Elvis...
..you'd better think again.
Have a great day.
Mind your business!
All right?
Here, my poor wee Bucky
has been off his food for two days.
Right. Sorry to hear that. He had
wild bad diarrhoea last night.
I brought you in a wee sample
just to show you the...
It's fine. Put that back in the bag.
The vet's next door.
Is this not the vet's?
It's a music shop.
Oh. Come on, boy.
HE SIGHS
Oh, there he is.
What about you?
All packed? Well, aye, that's me
packed up and ready to go.
Oh, aye? Yeah.
Got your socks and your jocks
and just...
Aye, just bits and bobs.
That's great man.
Aye. I've been doing a bit of
research on the old, er,
history of the US of A. Oh, yeah?
It's a fascinating country man.
I guess so.
And, you know, er, Oklahoma?
Yeah. Aye, that, actually used to
be called "Oklaomagh"
because of how many of us
went over there, like.
Sure. Yeah. Let me guess.
Oh, aye, it was Johnny Murphy.
Johnny Murphy. Yeah.
Fierce man for the information,
you know.
I'm going to miss this place.
Well, there's plenty of record
stores in America anyway, so...
Aye, but not like this one.
Mm.
I want the first copy of your album
when it's done.
And I want you to come back here
and do a gig for us.
I'm going to invite everybody
and tell them that...
..that's my friend Dermot.
Bridge Street. Bridge Street.
Right, well, best be off.
Yeah. Erm...
..look after this place.
Yeah. Of course... while I'm away.
Come here. Come on.
Love you, man. Love you too, mate.
Right, well... Yeah.
All right.
Be well. Yeah.
MUSIC: Nut Germs
by Dead Goat
This one's for you, man.
Who's gonna tell you?
Who's gonna tell you...?
BELL TINKLES
Debbie. How did you find me?
Ireland's not that big of a country.
You walk it in a week.
You could cycle it in a day.
You could hitch it in an hour.
Who's gonna tell you?
All the superstars
Hangin' on the door
Who's gonna tell you...?
So what did Tracey say
when she found out you got
that pony from that old man?
Well, she said she's not going
to m*rder me in my sleep, anyway,
so that's a bonus.
You having a nice time?
Yeah. Yeah?
Be careful now. OK.
Don't be going too quick, OK?
Yeah.
But do enjoy yourself, yeah?
I will.
Where did you learn to do that?
I don't know.
She's so good. Did you learn that
on the internet? No.
I bet you learned that on YouTube,
didn't you?
Do you know what the difference
between a horse and a pony is? No.
About three pints.
SHE CHUCKLES
How many did you have?
I'm going to have a few more now.
You can't leave the child on
the horse! Ah, she'll be grand.
Who's gonna tell you?
Who's gonna tell you
I don't live here any more?
Laughs for the lonely
Money well spent
Nothing else for it
When your back's broke and bent
Take all you can
Come back for more
Nothing is easy
when you've given it all
A true friend is hard to find
One that you won't forget
You're the best I've met
A true friend is hard to find
One that you won't forget
Don't give up just yet
A true friend is hard to find
Laughs for the lonely
One that you won't forget
And your money's well spent
You're the best I've met
But you're the best I've met
Laughs for the lonely
Your money well spent
Laughs for the lonely.
You and me
Two friends in good company
Singing the same tune
We'll be together
We'll be just fine
We'll leave our worries
far behind...
Have a good one, guys.
Hello, girls. Hello, Gerry.
How are yous?
Hope you've been behaving
yourselves.
All right, Jack, how's it going?
Well. Good man.
All right?
I am indeed, thank you.
Good morning, girls!
How's it going, lads?
How are you? You all right?
Lovely morning, isn't it?
Beautiful.
I personally think that tagliatelle
is the best kind of pasta.
You've got it all wrong.
The, erm, what's it called?
The shell ones.
They scoop the sauce in,
they keep it all nice and contained.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Like, shellatinio, is it?
Yeah... No, I don't know. And...
Shellio?
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Spin, The (2025)
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