03x06 - Bob & Murphy & Ted & Avery

[bunniefuu]

And it was just so great the way
we stole the first interview

with the hijackers right out
from under Nightline's noses.

I'm telling you, special editions
of FYI are my favorite thing.

I just love being on the air all night.

Really love it.
Don't you love it, Miles?

Where's the aspirin?

And Frank was so great, wasn't he?

The way he got that deep background on
the Iraqi t*rrorists in just a few hours.

I'll bet you have sources Dan
Rather could only dream about.

Just dream about.

Only dream about.

I'll give you five dollars
if you stop talking.

I can't help it.

Live coverage of a late-breaking story.

It's just so exciting.

Really exciting.
Extremely exciting.

Isn't that right, Jim?

Murphy, we've just been
on the air for 24 hours,

living on nothing but
coffee and adrenaline.

And right now, the sound
of your voice is grating

on my nerves like
fingernails on a blackboard.

So why don't you put your peppy little
butt in a chair, settle down, and be quiet.

All right, all right.

I know everyone's nerves are on edge, but no
matter how tired we are, I think we should

take a moment to pat ourselves on the back
and enjoy the good feeling of a job well done.

There's no coffee!

Somebody drink all the coffee!

I want him fired!

Find out who is and fire him Miles!

There's no coffee!

Corky, Corky, it's okay.

Come on and sit down.

We'll get you some more coffee.

When?

When will you get some?

Look, I know we're all tired.

But before we can wrap it up this
morning, we need to have a meeting.

Everybody take a seat.

Great.

I'm right here with you,
Miles, in my chair, ready to go.

Anything you need, I can do it.

Can somebody sh**t her?

Okay.

I think we need to
find a way to include

yesterday's events into
next week's broadcast.

Maybe we should shell the
piece on the head of the Federal

Reserve and plug in a
profile of the hijacked pilot.

Sounds like something Murphy could do.

What do you think, Murphy?

Okay, that's a wrap.
We'll pick this up at lunch.

I was forced to disarm a rude
security guard in the lobby.

Somebody return this
to the proper authorities.

Mrs. Brown! Hello. Hi!

How lovely to see you!

Murphy didn't mention that
her mother was coming to town.

Now, that sounds like the kind of
thing she'd be sure to tell us about.

I like to surprise Murphy, and I'm
one of the few people who can do it.

Do you have other clothes?

You seem to wear the
same thing over and over.

Nice hat.

So, I bet you want to see your daughter.

Well, she is right over here.

Boy, I can't wait to see the look on
her face when she finds out who's here.

Oh, look at her.

She looks like an angel
when she's sleeping.

Not that I've ever been
with her when she's sleeping.

We don't have that kind of relationship.

It's not because I don't find her
attractive, or I'm not attractive.

It's really kind of a
mutual fear of intimacy

that they say goes
way back to childhood.

Mr. Fontana, you're boring me.

Nice hat.

Murphy?

Murphy, wake up!

Surprise!

You've got to stop doing this.

Other mothers call ahead.

I know they do.

I've been told this.

Murphy, people are watching.

I think you should give me a hug.

Oh, Mother, you know this never goes well.

I know we'll get the hang of it one day.

I know we will.

But now, I need to
discuss something with you.

But we need our privacy.

May I have everyone's attention, please?

My daughter and I need to talk.

Everyone must leave for ten minutes.

I have a better idea.

Why don't we go in my office?

I don't think that's funny.

Have a seat, Mother.

All right.

So.

So?

So, what did you want to talk to me about?

Well, in a nutshell,
I've lost my will to live.

What?

When I get up in the morning, I no
longer have anything to look forward to.

No new mountains to climb.

So I've made a decision.

I'm going to change the
scenery of my existence.

I think that's a great idea.

I'm going to move in with you.

Oh, hold it.
Flag on the play.

You mean live with me in my house?

Isn't this a little hasty?

And forgive me for asking,
Mother, but does this have

anything to do with the fact
that Dad recently remarried?

Did he?

Mother, I think maybe it's
time to start dating again.

You know, seriously.

Now, why would I want to do that?

Oh, I don't know.

It just might be a more fun way to
spend Saturday night than sitting in

that big house in Philadelphia
watching Fatal Attraction over and over.

Look, Daddy's obviously
moved on with his life.

I think you should be
able to move on with yours.

Well, I'll think about it.

You're never going to
believe what's happened.

I may just self-destruct
right in this chair.

You will never believe
it, never in a million years.

I'll bite.

What's going on?

What's going on?

What's going on?

Oh, nothing much.

My mother just announced
she's moving in with me,

not for a few days, not
for a few weeks, forever.

Other than that, my life is just swell.

Your mother wants to live with you?

Why would anybody
want to do a thing like that?

Oh, good, Miles.

Walk up to a bear and poke it with a stick.

Now, Murphy, it sounds to me
like your mother's just a little lonely.

She's been divorced for how long, 15 years?

That's my theory.

She needs to start dating again.

Of course, we're talking
about the pickiest woman I know.

Oh, who am I kidding?

She's never gonna start a relationship now.

All right, I found one.

Mother, I thought you were at the house.

Found one what?

A man.

What are you talking about?

You left the office less
than two hours ago.

Well, what you said made perfect sense,
and there was no point in wasting time.

So I took a taxi to the National
Gallery, and I stood at the foot

of the escalator and watched all
of the men that rode up or down.

And then I picked one.

Oh, God, my mother's gone crazy.

I followed my selection
up to the third floor.

I noticed he was quite
attractive with a nice head of hair.

And he wore no wedding band
on his strong spatulate finger.

Although he wasn't perfect.

He wore those pants with no
belt loops, but I could work on that.

Anyway, I engaged him in conversation
and invited him to dinner, and he accepted.

Mother, you can't do this.

You can't stalk innocent
people in a museum.

Besides, you have no idea who this man is.

He could be a bigamist or an axe m*rder*r.

He's a lovely man.

And recently, he sold a small appliance
company for quite a lot of money.

And, Murphy, best of all, he has a son.

A son?

Did you hear that, Murphy?

He has a son!

Mother, I have an awful feeling I know
where this is going, and the answer is NO.

Oh, Murphy, don't be so stodgy..

Take a little of your own advice.

Everyone needs companionship,
and this could turn out to be Mr. Right.

Tell her, everybody.

Tell her!

Murphy, it's 7 o'clock.

Why aren't you dressed?

Because I don't want to go, Mother.

Dating is painful.

Men see me on TV
every week being tough and

competitive, and they
assume that's all there is to me.

They wind up being intimidated,
and I never hear from them again.

Besides, we don't even know
these guys' names, do we?

Of course we know them.

My date's name is Theodore
Wiltz, and his son's name is Bob.

Bob.

Oh, exciting name, Bob.

Spelled backwards is Bob.

Mother. I want you to promise me something,
that when these guys get here, you'll

tell them I'm not feeling well, and
that I'll be excusing myself early.

They're here.

Promise me, Mother.

Promise me or I'm going
right out the bathroom window.

All right.

How could I raise such a prude?

Open the door.

Oh, Theodore, hello again.

And hello to you, Avery.

Boy, you look just great.

Oh, thank you very much, Theodore.

So do you.

Oh, I see you're wearing a belt.

I like that in a man.

Oh, hi.

I'm Theodore Wiltz.

You must be Avery's daughter.

Right.
Nice to meet you.

Uh, so I guess old Bob
couldn't make it, huh?

Oh, no.
He's here.

He's parking the car.

Say, has anybody ever told you
that you have Murphy Brown's face?

This is Murphy Brown's face.

I'm Murphy Brown.

Well, I'll be a son of a g*n.

This is more exciting than the time
I saw Kay Boulware at the car wash.

I can see where you get your good looks.

You're going to make me blush, Theodore.

Here, I almost forgot I
brought you a little something.

For me?

It's a travel blender.

One of my biggest sellers.

It's got a frappe speed.

None of my competitors have a frappe speed.

How lovely and yet practical.

And I do love a good frappe.

Hi. I had to park around the block.

Some jerk with a white Porsche
took up two parking spaces.

Is that Bob?

Is this Bob?

Are you Bob?

That's me, Bob.

Well, hello, Bob.

I'm Murphy, the jerk
with the white Porsche.

Mind if I go out and
try this entrance again?

Oh, there's no need to do that.

Really, there's just no need.

Uh, do you know my mom?

Uh, Bob?

Mom?

And do you know your dad?

Well, yeah, I guess you do.

Shall we go into the living
room and get acquainted?

Bob, why don't you tell
Murphy what you do for a living?

I'm sure that whatever it
is, she'll find it fascinating.

Well, I'm not sure how
fascinating it is sitting

in an office with a view
of Millie's doghouse.

I'm one of the White House speechwriters.

No kidding.

Wow.

You didn't by any chance
have anything to do with Barbara

Bush's speech to the
Wellesley graduates, did you?

Well, sort of.

I wrote it.

Wow, I'm impressed.

That was one of the most
brilliant speeches I've ever heard.

Well, thanks.

Thanks a lot.

You know what, Bob?

A funny thing happened earlier.

Your father said to me, he said,
you have Murphy Brown's face.

How about that, huh?

Good going, Dad.

I am Murphy Brown, you know.

I know.

Oh, listen, I'm sorry I didn't
make a big deal about it.

Once you've seen
the president making French toast

in his underwear, you get
a little blasé about celebrity.

I hope I didn't insult you.

Oh, you didn't.

Good, because I lied.

My palms feel like wet sponges,
and if I'd ever seen you make

French toast in your underwear,
I know I'd never forget it.

I know I should mention
that Murphy isn't feeling

well, and she may have to
make her early apologies.

Oh, actually, Mother, I'm feeling great.

Remember how just before Bob
got here, I said I was feeling better?

Remember that?

No.

I'm starting to forget things, too.

So, what are we going to do tonight?

Oh, this isn't what I'm wearing.
I just didn't want it wrinkled.

Don't you think it would be fun to
do something new and exciting?

I don't know exactly what.

We could all get in the
car and drive around,

and I think we'll
recognize it when we see it.

What do you say?

Let me get this straight, Mother.

You just want to cruise around in the
dark until you find some action somewhere?

That's right.

Are you sure this is the way
you want to spend the evening?

I feel a little over-dressed.

I knew I'd like this place
the minute I set my eyes on it.

It smells dangerous.

I just want to mention once
more, we passed a really

cute little ice cream
parlor a few blocks down.

They had antique ceiling fans.

Could be a lot of fun.

What do you say?

I want to stay, Theo.

Good for you, Avery.

Come on, Dad.

Let's get some drinks and some pretzels.

If anybody gets you
any trouble, you just

tell them you're with
that big guy over there.

He's so great, Mother.

You're absolutely right.

Sometimes you just have to shut
your eyes and jump in with both feet.

If I could give you a little advice,
Murphy, try to act like a lady.

Men don't like women
that are too aggressive or

know more than they do
or open their own car doors.

Beers, soda, and plenty of pretzels.

Everybody help yourselves.

We picked out four
pools, one for each of us.

Avery, these are called cues.

And you see this little
piece of chalk here?

Take this and you rub it
on top of the cue, like so.

We do that so the cue
doesn't slip when it comes in contact.

Theodore, you know so much about this.

Okay, what do you say we play
teams, two against two.

Great idea, although I
just feel I should tell you

up front, I'm not exactly
a novice at this game.

I've spent a lot of time
on the road with crew.

But it wouldn't be fair for
you and me to be on the same team.

My four years at Yale, I was unbeaten.

Well, what do you say
we play boys against girls?

Fine with me.

Okay with me.

I'm for that.

Well, ladies, what's your pleasure?

How about a little game of eight ball?

Eight ball?

Eight ball's for amateurs.

Now, nine ball, that's a game of skill.

You need the hands of
a surgeon for nine ball.

Unless you'd really like to play
eight ball, that would be fine with me.

Nope, nine ball's fine.

Let's make it even more interesting.

We have to call our shots.

What do you say we let the
ladies have the first break?

It is all yours, ma'am.

Okay, Mother.

Watch me very carefully.

Oh, nice break.

You really have done this before.

Step aside, gentlemen.

Deuce in the corner.

Yes!

Who is she?

Good.

Touch.

You know what I like about you, Murphy?

You don't feel you have to let
the man win just to boost his ego.

Three in the side pot.

I mean, it's great that men
and women have gotten to the

point where they don't have
to be threatened by each other.

¡Ja!

You missed!

I guess it's my turn.

Three in the corner.

That's my boy.

Luck day! Luck day! Luck day!

Very nicely done.

Four in the side.

Oooh... That's not fair.

Somebody coughed.

And this table is not leveled.

Look, it should have gone in.

It should have, but it couldn't.

Give us some room.

It's my mother's shot.

Are we winning?

Yes, Mother.

Now, you just try to get that purple
ball into that pocket over there.

You don't have to hit it hard.

Here, Avery.

Let me show you.

Now, you just, uh, just let it
slide right through your fingers.

You see?

Like so.

Oh, Pool.

But she was very close, wasn't she, Bob?

Very close.

They're patronizing us, Mother.

It's a cover.

You know why?

Because they're scared.

Well, ladies, looks like you're
about to lose your fifth game.

Or is it sixth?

I've lost track.

Oh, what are these?

Cobwebs?

Can I get you something to
read while you wait your turn?

Maybe w*r and Peace?

I hate this, Mother.

The Brown women are being humiliated.

You're handling it so well.

I don't know how you do it.

Wish I could follow your lead.

After all, it is just a game.

Ouch.

Well, all good things must end.

But not for long.

Your turn, Avery.

Don't worry, honey.

Nobody expects too much from you.

Remember, this is a man's game.

It's in our genes.

What an interesting theory.

You two gentlemen will want
to find chairs and sit in them.

I may be here for a while.

Eight in the corner pot.

Lucky shot.

Luck my a*s.

Nine in the side.

Mother, what are you doing?

How are you doing it?

You remember your father's pool table?

Well, if it's 1952 and your husband
doesn't want you to have a career

and you're at home with a child,
you find something to amuse you.

This was mine.

You sure you don't want
to come in for some coffee?

Oh, that's right.

Run away.

Loser.

Loser!

Well that was fun.

I think he liked me.

I wonder if he'll call.

Oh God, what a wonderful evening.

I'll be sure to put this
in my memoirs under the

chapter, Great Men Who've
run Screaming Out Of My Life.

Oh, God, Mother, what is it with us?

Why can't we take the
easy route once in a while?

Because it's boring and
dishonest and uncomfortable, like

wearing a pair of shoes
all day that pinch your feet.

I know, but sometimes I wish I
were a different kind of person.

Mother, did you ever think
you might be alone forever?

Oh, yes.

Many times.

Your father and I, one of our favorite
things to do on a Sunday afternoon...

was to make a big fire
and just sit by it and read.

I haven't done that for a long time.

Some nights I start to make a fire, and
then I think, but there's only me now.

What's the point?

It's foolish, I know.

Well, he's remarried now.

Well, at least you can say that for however
long it lasted, you've been in love.

I mean, really in love once in your life.

I don't think that happens to everybody.

Murphy, I never read
you fairy tales as a child.

The knight in shining armor doesn't always
ride up on his white horse to rescue us.

We have to make our own way.

Well, this has been quite a day, hasn't it?

And now I think we should
try to get some sleep.

I have to catch a plane tomorrow.

Mother, you're going tomorrow?

But why?

I suddenly feel much
better about everything.

It seems that I can still
shake things up at my age.

And frankly, I'm not sure that
we're compatible as roommates.

You don't seem able to keep up with me.

Oh, Mother, you don't
have to go home tomorrow.

Stay a few days more.

We could talk.

We could go back to the pool hall.

My daughter, you have your own life.

And it's a very good one.

Now, let's get our beauty sleep.

Although...

It is a nice night for a fire.

You're on.