12x07 - Meat Cute

[bunniefuu]

Let's just get this started.

Are you kidding me?

Who's a good cat?

Alright,
today we are at food town,

Taking pictures
of fellow shoppers

And intentionally
getting caught.

Then the unusual reason
of why we took the photo

And who
we have to send it to,

Will be given to us
by the other guys.

After we explain ourselves,

We'll ask the shopper
if it's okay to send that photo.

If they refuse,
you lose.

Guys. Guys?

Hey. Hi.

Just let me know
when it's alright to go.

Let me know when you guys are
ready for me to go out there.

Let me know
when you're ready.

We got you, buddy.

Alright, boys, here we go.

Alright, buddy.

Murr: Uh, get the lady
in pink here.

Uh-oh.

Alright,
get her, buddy.

Get her.

Uh, you caught me.

You caught me.

Dude, there's nothing.

You can put a gopro
inside of her,

She wouldn't notice.

Don't laugh out
loud, cole.

You can't just cackle
out loud like this.

They got me.
You're the one
holding it down.

Go back to pink, dude.

Murr: Get caught.

Oh!

Oh, you --

Huh? What?
you got me.

I was taking a photo of you.
I'll tell you why.

"you see,
my aunt tragically died

In a fuddruckers'
bathroom."

My aunt
tragically passed

In a fuddruckers' bathroom.

You look just like her.

"and I thought it
would do my uncle

A world of good
to see you alive."

I thought it would be
to my uncle some --

A world of good
to see you alive.

Would you mind
if I texted him a photo of you?

Okay. That's fine.
Okay.

Thank you.
What's your name?

Joanne.
Joanne? Oh, my god.

That's my aunt's name.

We still go
to the fuddruckers,

And I still
use the bathroom

Just to feel her presence.

Oh, wow.

yeah.

Are you serious?

"it's a titty club now."

You know, they made it
a titty club, now?

Titty?

Titty club?
Yeah.

It was fuddruckers,
pizza, uno, titty now.

"well -- well,
I went there last night.

I'm telling you,
it's a titty club."

They went --
no. Last night.

Yeah,
it's all titty now.

I'm not --
I'm not checking out.

Sal: Okay, okay.
Alright.

Maybe I'll see you
at the titty.

Murr:
What a weird exchange.

"I'll see you at the titty."

You got me?
I-I-I snapped a quick photo.

I'll tell you why.
Why?

Murr: "I dress like
straight dog sh*t, too.

My wife says
it's just me."

I, uh...
Dude.

My wife...

That's it.
Murr:
Go ahead, buddy.

Game over.

My wife tells me
that I dress...

The way
that I'm dressed?

Well, she --

That I also dress like...

"straight..."

Straight...

"...Dog sh*t, too."

...Dog sh*t, too.

Okay.

And so I wanted to text her
to prove that, like,

People can dress...

Like dog --
dog like me.

Okay.
Alright.

Is it cool
if I text her the photo?

Alright.

murr: Whatever!

I can't believe you did it.

That was tough, man.

Guys, let's do it.

Sal: It's like looking into
the face of god.

I can read the future
in your head.

Murr. Oh!
Oh!

You busted --
yeah, you busted me.

I had to, buddy, I had to.

Let me explain. Okay.

"you look just timeless."

You look just timeless.

"you could be 27.
You could be 60."

I mean,
what age are you?

You could be 27.
You could be 60.

"I have no idea.

I want to send it
to my esthetician."

I have no idea.

I must send it
to my esthetician.

"I need to send this
to the person who waxes me."

I need to send this
to the --

To the person
that waxes me.

"should I proof you
for beer?"

Should I proof you
for beer?

"or can you give me
your aaa number?"

Or can you give me
your aaa number?

Early bird special.
I can't tell.

"I don't know if you're gonna
your pants

'cause you partied
all night

Or 'cause
you're incontinent."

I-I can't tell if you're gonna
your pants

Because you've been partying
all night

Or because
you're incontinent.

You know, who knows?
You can't tell.

Do you mind if I send this
to my aesthetician

To say "do this"?

Great.

I do.
I have no hair.

"believe me,
I look like an old baby."

Believe me --

And believe me,
I look like an old baby.

Sure, good.

Thanks, buddy.
Appreciate it.

My aesthetician's
gonna love this.

"do this to me."

Sal: Here he goes.

Uh-oh.
q: The guy saw him.

Murr: I'm so sorry.
You busted me.

I snapped a photo.
Let me explain.

"you look like
this hilarious servant

We had on a catamaran
in greece."

You look like
this hilarious servant

We had in a catamaran
in greece.

"he spilled dirty monkeys
all over himself."

He spilled dirty monkeys
all over himself.

"and he bounced off the net
right into the aegean sea."

And he bounced off the net
right into the aegean sea.

"I gotta send a picture of you
to the guys at mandu capital."

I've gotta send a photo of you
to the boys at mandu capital.

"they'll scream."

They'll scream.

Right?

Let me explain again.

There I was in the aegean sea

On a catamaran off the coast
of greece, as one does.

Anyways,
our servant that day

Has spilled a round
of dirty monkeys

All over himself.

He slips off the boat
into the net,

Bounces off the net
into the aegean.

The boys at mandu capital
are gonna die.

They'll scream.

Do you mind if I send it
to the boys at mandu capital?

It's too weird.

You don't want me to send
the boys at mandu capital?

They'll love it.
They'll scream!

Nah, take the loss, murr.
Take the loss.

Fine.

Catamaran, greece,
aegean, servant, boys, scream.

Help me out here.
Sal: Yes, sir.

Big mike,
our punk director,

He's been ripping
on my clothes all day.

There's a lot
of mismatched things.

Like what?
Well...

No, everything matches.

Black t-shirt
and blue denim on top.

Blue and black
don't go together.

Of course, blue and black
do go together.

You're gonna take advice
from coofandy?

Murray's wearing
a fitted polo shirt

That is tucked into
his pressed dockers

With a braided belt.
Cut it out.

Oh, my god.
All my belts
are braided.

It's four different
colored braids.

All my belts
are braided.

It's a canvas
braided belt.

Melyssa got me a lot
of braided belts.

There's four different
braids in it.

That's an insane belt

For you to wear
and say anything.

Why?

He's coofed
out the a*s.

You are coofandy's
only customer.

It's one lady like,
" he keeps ordering it.

He keeps -- he keeps
ordering the "

Get in there.
Start snapping photos.

Here we go, here we go.
I got one, I got one.

I got one, I got one.

Oh, you caught me
snapping a picture.

Let me explain so you --
so you're not weirded out.

"my uncle owns a farm."

My uncle owns a farm.

"and you're dressed
identical to his scarecrow."

And you're dressed identical
to his scarecrow.

It's wild.

Just without the hat.

You know what I mean?

No, no, no.

You're dressed the same way.

So I was gonna text him,

And I was gonna be like,
"hey, your scarecrow!"

So if you're okay with that.

If you don't mind.

It's not bothering you.
Oh, excellent.

Alright.
There you go.
It does not,
does not?

Any chance that you could
take a photo like this for me?

Put your arms out
like a scarecrow?

Come on, do it, do it, do it!
Come on, do it!

yeah, just like that.

Oh, yeah.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe it.
Oh, man.

oh, that's really great.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you so much.

I gotta applaud you
on that one.

You even got him to pose.

Murr: Alright, snap the photo
of this woman.

oh, you caught me.

I was taking a photo.

Oh.

I'm so sorry.
No, that's okay.

Let me explain why.

"I'd like to dress my wife
like you on my birthday."

I'd like to...

"I'd like to dress my wife
like you on my birthday."

I'd like to...

My birthday's coming.

I'd love to dress my wife
like you on my birthday.

Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

Is it alright if I send
that to her for the outfit?

Um, sure.

Thanks. Great.
Oh!

And q's gone.

I'm gonna take
that victory and run.

that was so weird.

Narrator:
Murr took a photo dump,

So he's first up
on the loser board.

Hey, today we are yeti flatiron
posing as employees.

Now, yeti is known for
their superior customer service.

But not today.

That's because we're
on our own.

To make sure that
every customer we "help"

Gives us a horrible
customer service rating.

You heard that right,
we are left to our own devices

Today to be the worst

Because whoever gets
the highest score loses.

Sal's out there.
Alright.

Alright, we're here
at the yeti store.

Flagship store
in manhattan.

Yeah.
Great products.
We all own them.

Game on.

Ahh!

It's one of our --
one of our best sellers.

No. We do.

Yeah, we sell all
the accessories.

Yeah, what the
would it be

In there for if we
didn't sell it?

oh!

Want me to sell you that,
I'll sell you it right now.

Oh, so you're not looking
to make a big -- a big --

You want an accessory?

You're not looking
to make a huge purchase.

Oh, alright.

Yeah.

Uh, we can't sell it.

Customer: Okay.

I don't think you're done
with their transaction, bud.

I think you could push
them much, much further.

I want you to go last

Because I don't wanna
be following in your wake.

Q, this is really a me
versus you right now.

Because we know for a fact
he's getting the lowest score.

Yeah, yeah,
you're right.

You're right.

I think he could try
to genuinely help them and win.

Alright, dan, get these
two walking out of the store.

Let's see how they score.

Honest experience.
A nine?

A nine?!

Dude,
that's pretty high, bro.

That's not good.

So you want to get,
like, a one.

Anything above a five...
...Is disastrous.

It's a disaster for us.

And what color
are you looking for?

You can get the white one
and paint it blue.

Because some people
would do that,

You know, they would just put
a little powder coat over it.

I was trying to be helpful,
but when you said,

"no way,
that's ridiculous."

It made me feel stupid.

Yeah.
Oh, you're an artist?

Oh,
you're a fashion designer, too?

Oh.

Customer:
But, um, I use it --

You sure?

Okay.

Oh!

Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, um...

The more you purchase online,

The more, like,
salespeople in the flesh

Like us get put out
of business.

Out of business,
yeah.

Hey, sir.
How are you doing?

Uh, just doing
a quick survey.

Um, just score 1 to 10
on your experience here.

Yes.

Oh!
Oh, the salesman,
the salesman.

He wasn't helpful.
So what would --

What would your number
be from 1 to 10?

Three?
a three!

You got a three!
Yes!

You got a three!
Wow!

Jesus christ.
It takes a direct insult.

Sal: Alright, q-bert.

Here we go,
buddy.

Do you want, like,
a bag with this?

What do you need it for?

Wow.
Are you a musician?
I do --

Yeah, but this is me
running for stuff.

Q, come on, buddy.

I always thought
that, like,

I could play the blues
or something like that.

It just never did --
what do you mean?

Oh,! Oh!

oh, are you okay?

Sal: Oh!

The scene takes a turn.

How is he not
gonna feel bad?

You did this to me.

You did this to me.

Oh! Get him out!

Get this garbage out
of the store!

Get out!
Oh! Get out!

You'll never make carnegie hall.

Get out!

Oh, god!
Wow!

We're doing a survey
on your store experience.

Ten out of ten.
Ten out of ten!

Nice try, baby.
That backfired.

Do you need help or anything?
Are you okay?

Okay, good. Nice.

Thank you.
Is it warm?

It's not too warm in here,
right?

Like, it's okay?

'cause I'm --
I'm sweating like a hog.

Do you smell me?

Yeah. Okay.

I can't smell you either.

So that's --
we're good.

You're sweating
just as much,

But you're not
at all stinking.

she's been trying
to ask for help with --

With this thing
for five minutes.
I know.

Oh, were you looking
for pink?

That in pink?

Nobody cares about me here.

Everybody just says
that I'm a piece of

She's -- she's gonna
feel bad for you.

What is the strategy here?

I just won't pay
for that kid.

And since I've done that,

Everybody's turned against me
in the store,

And I'm just like, hey,
man, like,

I want to see
a third paternity test

Before I agree that it's mine
and start paying it.

And then I stink.
But we don't have that in pink.

I'm curious how your experience
was today in the store.



Five?

Murr: Five!
Ooh!

Five, q.

And she was being nice.

She should have given me
a two.

yeah.

Look at this arrogant little
stance he already has.

I got news for you, fellas.

I'm gonna win it
in the first customer.

Really?

You think
your very first score

Will be enough
to take you home?

That's my plan.

Here we go.
Hi. Welcome to yeti.

Sal: No. No. No-no-no-no-no.
This is my customer.

Get. No. Sorry.

Oh, my god.

Hi. Welcome to yeti.

Sal: No. No. No-no-no-no-no.
This is my customer.

Get. No, sorry.

We work on commission.

Uh, I'm james,
I work for yeti.

What's up?
What do you guys want?

what's up?

We're looking for --
yeah.

What's your names?

Isaac?
Okay. That's for you.

And what's your name?

oh, my goodness!

Flavia and isaac.

Okay, this way,
if you steal something,

We know
and we can track you.

oh, my god!

We work on commission.

Are you gonna buy
something today or not?

Uh, we work on commission.

They don't understand,
they don't understand.

All that and he
doesn't understand!

Alright, alright.

That was so bad.

That would have got you
the score you needed.

they didn't
understand a word you said.

Just a number 1 to 10
how your experience was.



Ten. Okay.
Thank you so much.

murr, 10 out of 10!

I got braziled!

You came in so hard.

If it was anybody else
from --

From the 50 united states,

You would have won.

I didn't expect them
to only speak portuguese.

Yeah. Go again, buddy.

Hello.
Hey, guys.

Welcome to yeti.
My name's cole.

No. No. No-no-no-no-no!
They're my customer.

Get out!
Get out of here.

Sorry. Sorry.

We work on commission.

He's trying to steal
my customers.

What's your names?
I'm james.

Yakubu.

Yak-- yakubu?

How do you spell that?

you can't plan it!

You can't plan it!

I don't know what
that name was.

But it wasn't english.

Where are you guys from?

Together: Italy.
Italy. Alright.

Obrigado.

And this is --
this was your second chance.

Are you gonna buy
or you're just looking around,

Wasting my time?

Oh, my god!

You guys need something
to keep the pasta cold.

Like the pasta.

You know how italians
eat pasta?

You need something
to keep it cold, maybe?

Pasta cold?
Yeah.

mamma mia, you know.

Yeah. Do you need something
to keep the pasta?

The pasta, yes.
Okay, great.

Keep the pasta.

How did it work out
this way?

So, guys, just getting
a customer service review.

-Mm-hmm?
-Yes.

Give me a number
from 1 to 10.

Ten. Great.
Thank you so much.
Sal and q: Ten!

Ten, murray!

How did I lose this?!

-Bye.
-Bye.

-Ciao, bella.
-Both: Ciao!

The older I get,
the more charming I am.

Narrator:
Murr's 'tude wasn't so rude,

Making him tonight's big loser.

Q and sal: Alright!

Yes, murray lost.
Sal: Whoo!

And today you'll be working
as a waiter at fandi mata.

Doing what?

To customers?!
Yes.

Son of a...

So the punishment
is I sneak up behind people

And push food in their mouths
without permission?

You're basically
going to sneak attack them

With beef cubes.

Oh, my god. Alright.

When I say it,
it sounds funnier to me

Then when we did it.

I just got
very, very nervous.

Okay, so we have beef
and beets

In case someone has,
um, any dietary restrictions.

So we're covering
that end.

Hi. Did you want a c*ck
by any chance?

Yeah,
can I get a paloma?

Paloma.
Got it. Great.

You present
like a waiter.

You're selling it.

It's 'cause he's actually,
like, waitering

And not putting
meat in people's mouths.

Yeah.
So you wanna --
you wanna get to it?

Oh my god, oh my god,
oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

I'm getting nervous.
I'm getting nervous.

Oh, well, it is --
it is nerve wracking.

Is that their drink?

One second.

Oh, this does not
feel good, though.

I'm getting nervous.

You have to try that.
Try it.

oh, my god!

Sal: You're basically
going to sneak attack them

With beef cubes.

Oh, this does not
feel good, though.

I'm getting nervous.

You have to try that.

Try it.
It's so good.

It's that delicious?

Oh, that's on the house.

So that's our --

That's our seared --
seared beef.

oh, my god!
Look at her face.

It is fantastically good.
Look at her face.

and I can give you --

Would you like
a sample as well?

You're sure? Okay.
It's fantastic.

It's the third item
down for the menu.

Uh, check it out.
The seared beef.

It's excellent.
Excellent.

Oooh!
oooh, my god!

Are you okay?
That was wild.

He better not ever
do anything like that to me.

Oooh!

Oh my god, oh my god.
Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!
It's so nerve wracking.

Oh, my god, dude.

Dude...
Oooh.

You don't know
how I'm feeling right now.

I feel nervous,
I feel nervous.

I'm, like shocked.
I know.

Sal: Oh, they're still right
now, still shook.

They're still
talking about it.

Do you have a fourth
joining or...?
We don't.

Oh, and did somebody take
your c*ck order yet or not?

I know I want
an espresso martini.

Espresso martini.
I'll be back in a second.

Oh, my god,
he's doing it again.

I don't know
if I can take this.

Do you see the hairs on
my arm are sticking up?

Sal: I second it, buddy,
'cause I'm nervous

Like I'm doing it
back here.

Alright, here we go.

It's been a lot.

You must try this.
Try that, try it.

Isn't that fantastic?

It's great. Right?
This is our seared sirloin beef.

It is really good.
It's on the menu.

It's a third item down.

Would you like to try one?
No?

Sure. Can I do that?
Yeah, sure.

There you go.
Try that.

There you go.

Try that. Try it.

Try it, try it.

There you go. Try it.

I'll be right back
with the c*ck. Okay?

oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

He just stuffed
something in my mouth?

Oh-h*-h*-h*-h*!

Everyone is baffled.

He has his hand up like,
I -- like, I can't believe this.

Let's talk about how he just
popped that right in, though.

He's a mother!

I mean,
that went right in.

This guy's got
little ba*ls of steel.

I gotta tell ya'.

B.B. Pellets.

Thank you so much.

You got it.
How's your c*ck? Good?

Do you need anything else?

Um...

You need anything at all?

We're gonna get
some dessert.
Alright. Very good.

Uh, what would you like?

Have you ever had
a meat cube?

Tiramisu.
Tiramisu.
Okay. Just one?

-Okay. Be right back.
-Thank you.

Murr, just put a cherry
on that cube.

'cause they're eating desserts.

Woman:
He goes, "are you driving?"

I went, "no."

Sal: She's laughin'!
Her mouth's wide open!

Tiramisu on the way.

But first
you have to try that.

Try that, right?

And try that.
Come on.

-Try that, alright?
-That's double!

Isn't it great?
That is the seared beef.

And then the tiramisu
is on the way.

Let me just check
on the tiramisu for you.

oh my god. Oh my god.

What is happening?

I don't know.

She just goes,
"what is happening?"

Eww,
it was cool.

He just put it
right in my mouth.

You did it so naturally.

Like someone
always feeds you.

Sal: That's so funny.

Everything good with
drinks, c*ck?

You're good?
Tasting delicious?

Everything is good.
Okay.

Anything else you need?

No dietary restrictions?
Meat?

She doesn't eat meat.

You don't eat meat.
Good to know.

Murr: Okay.

Okay, the beet is making
its first appearance.

Two cubes, two cubes.

Two cubes each.

Meat. No meat.
Try that.

Meat. No meat.
Go ahead.

-Meat, no meat?
-Meat, no meat.

Yep yep yep yep yep yep.

Right. Meat.
No meat.

Right?
I got that right?

There you go.

Not bad? Okay.
So meat, no meat. Got it.

Okay, okay.
meat, no meat.

I see you guys in a minute.
Let me check on your food.

Thank you.
Thank you.

this is crazy.

He's shoved so much meat...

Yeah.
...Into so many mouths

That we can't show them all
unless we montage it.

Man: It's like,
♪ dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun ♪

-♪ dun-dun-dun-dun ♪

You have to try that.

oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

He just kept going.

Sir, I know you got that steak,
but try this one first.

Try that.

There you go.
Try that, try that.

No dietary restrictions
at all?

There you go, try that.
There you go.

Can you try that?
There you go.

He's getting her?!
No restrictions?
There you go.

Didn't mean
to leave you out.

Didn't mean
to leave you out.

Didn't mean to leave you out.

It's actually good.

It's actually good!

You gotta try it.
Here.

Before dessert, try these,
before dessert.

Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!

He just put meat
in my mouth.

That's mark,
our security guard.

We,
we've thrown him men,

Women,
three women,

Family at a table.
Yeah.

He's done it all.
Yeah.

This table over here,
do you think they, uh...

Do you think they...

What do you think about
the table right there?
It's cool.

I think they're cool.

You think they'll go
with the, uh...

Man,
cole's got a big mouth.