12x06 - Polly the Pigeon

[bunniefuu]

No, of course not.

Why should I mind?

Well, it suddenly occurred to me after I
told them that they could use Charley's

room that maybe you'd like the house a
little quieter for a change.

You know, less people.

No, we don't see enough of Chip and Polly as it is.

Well, see, I might be a little late getting home.

I suddenly got involved in a project that got me swamped.

Okay, darling.

Bye.

Goodbye.

Here's some more on the Cooper project.

Oh, thank you.

I hate to see you work this hard, Mr. Douglas.

Can I help you with some of this paper?

Oh, Janet, sorry, but no matter how bad this all
looks, these papers are right where I want them.

Oh, I'm sorry.

By the way, did you get your wife anything?

Uh, what do you mean?

It's her birthday tomorrow.

I have it on my calendar.

Oh, my gosh, that's right.

I forgot.

I can't possibly get away to, uh...

Janet, I wonder if you'd, uh... I'd be happy to.

I didn't ask you yet.

You'd be glad to what?

Get your wife out a present.

Oh, thanks, Janet.

Uh, take off early, uh, and why don't you go to Sperry's?

Get something nice.

Like what?

Oh, uh...

Well, I'll leave it up to you.

Just be sure they send it out today, though.

Uh, Janet, uh...

Have you seen those, uh, stress sheets on
the metal components?

And you'd better give me your credit card.

Uh, for what?

So I can get the gift.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, any price?

Oh, say, what, $50, huh?

Uh, Janet, uh...

Get something.

Feminine, huh?

Uh, well, you bet, Mr. Douglas.

I'll try, Mr. Douglas.

Oh, thanks.

Well, I'm trying to check these supplies.

With Charley gone, I'm just going to have
to start dinner earlier.

Yeah, well, I'll go to the store for you.

Barbara, Chip tells me it's your birthday tomorrow.

Yes.

That's right.

It's something I don't discuss anymore.

Well, my birthday's Sunday.

We're just one day apart.

Well, that's good for us.

I guess with you being a new bride last
year, it's something that just never came up.

Yeah.

What's Dad getting you?

Oh, nothing, I hope.

That's just the way I feel about it.

I told Chip not to get me a thing.

Well, just the same.

He probably will.

No, I really mean it.

I think the whole thing has gotten much
too commercial and silly.

Besides, we're trying to save money.

In fact, I think I'd better tell him again, just
to be sure that he doesn't get the same thing.

He'll get sentimental on me.

Hmm.

You sound like you really mean it.

I do mean it.

We're two sensible adults, and we
certainly should be sophisticated enough

to let a day pass by which, if we didn't
know about it, would be just another day.

Yeah, but not even a trinket?

No, not even a trinket.

Look, why am I darning your socks?

If we could afford a trinket, we could
certainly afford some socks for you, right?

And we didn't get any, so please don't buy
me a present, okay?

You're really something, honey.

Oh, I just remembered, I promised Barbara
I'd go to the store for her.

No present, now remember.

You buy all that?

About a birthday?

Sure.

Man, Chip, I'm only a guy in high school,
and even I know you better get her a present.

You said it about being a high school kid.

I didn't.

Don't you see the psychology of the deal?

She talked too much about it.

Ernie, you have to talk a lot to convince
somebody about something.

Now, she really means it.

She just thinks she means it.

You know something, Ernie?

What?

The guy gets this cynical at 17,
he better go have his head checked.

Hey, thanks.

Hey, Mom, a package for you.

You think it's from Dad?

Well, probably.

I don't know where he found the time.

He swam from work.

Oh, oh, isn't that beautiful?

I always wondered about those things.

Aren't they cold?

Oh, when the right person gives them to
you, they're the warmest things in the world.

Oh.

Oh.

Happy birthday, all my love, Steve.

Oh, that isn't Dad's handwriting.

Hey, Ernie, quiet.

Oh, that's all right, Chip.

He probably called Sperry's and told them
just what he wanted, and they wrote out the card.

I'm surprised he found the time.

See, you better buy Polly a present.

Ernie, there's a big difference.

Barbara didn't tell Dad not to get her
anything, and Polly did.

All right.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Steve, darling!

Oh, I got the gift this afternoon, and it
is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Oh, it got here, huh?

I opened it, and I... Oh, maybe I shouldn't have.

I mean, my birthday isn't until tomorrow,
but do you mind, honey?

Oh, no, of course not.

You really liked it?

It was okay?

Okay?

Oh, it's a dream!

I mean, how you managed to think about it in
the middle of all you have to do is beyond me.

Well... No, it isn't.

I mean, I am just naturally wonderful, and I am
probably not out of your thoughts more than 30 seconds.

Make that 20 seconds.

I've got to go help Katie with the dinner.

Oh, I love you.

Well, I, uh, I guess you really liked it, huh?

It was great, Dad.

Oh, yeah, it was really nice, Dad.

Bye.

That is for being a very thoughtful husband.

Oh, I guess she really liked the gift.

Liked it?

She flipped.

Asked Chip and Polly.

We already told them.

Well, I just had to tell you.

I'd better go help Barb.

Oh, Katie, I feel like a creep sitting here
with you and Barbara doing all the work.

I'm going to help you whether you like it or not.

All right?

Well, uh, what time did the gift get here, Chip?

A couple hours ago.

Boy, Mom sure flipped.

Yeah, so I've been hearing.

You, uh, saw it.

Huh?

Oh, yeah, it was real cool.

Yeah, Polly's birthday's day after tomorrow,
but I'm not getting her anything, though.

Oh, uh, why not, Chip?

Well, she made a big point about it.

She's very practical.

In fact, if I gave her something like you
gave Mom, she'd probably get hacked at me.

You think my, uh, gift wasn't practical enough, is that it?

No, we can't exactly afford the fancy stuff yet.

Would you, uh, think it was too fancy?

Not for Barbara, for Polly.

Oh.

Extension 441, please.

Hello, Janet?

Oh, I was hoping to catch you before she left.

Yeah, well, thanks for picking up the phone, Grace.

Do you have her home number on the roll file?

Oh, that's right, she told me.

She's spending the weekend in Yosemite.

Well, okay, uh, Grace, thank you very much.

Bye.

Hi, Daddy.

That was a real neat present you gave to Mommy.

Oh, you liked it, huh?

It was neat.

Tell me, Dodie, uh, if you were going to
give a present like that to somebody,

uh, what would you call it?

Drapes.

Drapes?

Well, I'm sure I wouldn't give Mama drapes.

Well, don't you know what you gave her?

Well, I'm just saying, I wouldn't call them drapes.

Well, what would you call them?

Oh, I... I don't really know, sweetheart.

Why don't you and Myrtle run along?

Maybe you can help with the dinner or something, huh?

Okay.

You know, it's her birthday on Sunday?

Well, that's right.

She has a birthday, too.

Did you get her anything?

Got her a nice wedding.

Oh, fine.

You know, Chip, uh, isn't going to give her anything.

He'll think of something.

No, I don't think so.

He's a very literal-minded boy.

If they made a bargain, he'll stick to it.

Well, at least we didn't make that kind of a bargain.

You couldn't have picked me out anything nicer.

Well, I'm glad.

Uh, where is it?

Well, it's certainly not out in the garage.

No, I...

No, it isn't sort of to be put in the garage.

Don't think so.

Uh, you don't think it's too, uh, too flashy, do you?

No.

No, I don't think so.

Uh, the, uh, the ivory's a little sharp,
but, uh, I get used to it.

The ivory?

Yeah, you know, where it, uh, comes to the ribs.

Oh.

You know, they rust, do you?

What?

Rust.

Rust?

Why would it rust?

Well, if I left it out in the rain.

Oh.

I wouldn't leave it out in the rain, so
that answers my own question, doesn't it?

Yeah.

The plate.

Oh.

Honey.

Tell your friends that.

It was, um, it was really nice of you to
remember that I, uh, that I had pierced ears.

Barbara, you know I don't know what it is, don't you?

Oh.

And you don't care?

No.

You called the store and you asked the
saleswoman to pick out something,

and then you realized later that you
didn't know what you picked out.

Well, the way it really happened, let's see.

Hello.

Yeah, George.

Well, I put the whole package on Anderson's desk.

Well, he knows about all that.

What he's concerned about are the specifications.

No, George, the specs on the 1217.

Hey, Katie, this big thing came for you.

It has a million stamps on it.

Hey, let's see it.

Wow, it's from Rob.

Hey, Katie.

It's a package from Robbie.

Can I have the stamps?

He sent it from a village to Cusco,
and then to Lima, and then here.

And the postmark says that it left Peru only two days ago.

Are you going to open it or give a lecture about it?

Yeah.

I printed for it.

The mailman said it was special delivery.

Delivery.

Special delivery.

Oh.

What do you need?

Wow.

What is it?

Well, it's lace.

Beautiful.

Oh, what does the note say?

It's supposed to have holes in it like that.

Thanks, darling.

I didn't even see this.

Feliz.

Complianos.

Love, Robbie.

What does that mean?

Well, I have to look it up, but I don't
know what it really means, is it?

But he's thinking about me, even though he
is way down in the jungle.

Does she hate it?

Oh, no, honey, she loves it.

When women cry sometimes, even when we're happy.

But you said not to get you anything.

I said not to buy me anything.

Oh, come on, Polly, what's the difference?

The difference is that you could have written a note.

A note or something.

Maybe burned it around the edges to make it special.

Just gone out in the yard and picked some flowers.

You know what the real difference is, Polly Douglas?

You don't mean what you say.

You know what you said when we woke up
just a little while ago?

What?

What time is it?

When is that a crime?

Who's winning?

About even.

Is she crying yet?

Early.

Annie, why don't you tell little girls not
to listen at doors?

I wasn't listening at the door.

I could hear you halfway upstairs.

Well, I'm sorry, Dodie.

If you say I told you so, you're going to be in
bigger trouble than you've ever been with me.

Telling a guy I told you so is the dumbest
psychological ploy anybody can come up with.

It causes a frustration syndrome.

Hey, don't you want to hear about it?

Not particularly.

I'm going for a walk.

We never fight, do we?

No, we don't.

You know why?

No, why?

Because I do everything you tell me.

I'm going to call Steve and I...

What is it?

I just found out what Feliz Compleaños means.

What?

Happy birthday.

Oh, is that all?

Oh.

My birthday's five months off.

Five months off?

Well, honey, you have to think about the original thought.

I mean, he knows that it takes a long time
for things to reach here from where he is.

Five months.

Oh, Barbie, he doesn't even remember what
day my birthday is.

Oh, I'm sure he does.

No, he's off in another part of the world
and I'm fading from his mind.

I know when his birthday is.

I get all sentimental over our anniversary.

I bet he's forgotten that, too.

Katie, you're standing here making a case
against a boy who sent you a birthday

present under very difficult circumstances.

He missed by five months.

Oh, Barb, I know it must sound so silly to you.

You and Dad have such a sensible relationship.

Oh, such a sensible relationship.

You don't know how dull that sounds.

I bet if you thought about it, you'd find that
your husband is about that far from being perfect.

Mr. Stephen Douglas, please.

Oh, Janet.

Yeah, but this is Mrs. Douglas.

Happy birthday, Mrs. Douglas.

Well, thank you.

Um, I guess you know what I got.

Was it okay?

Yes, it was beautiful.

It was either what I got you or this
lovely hostess-type gown.

I decided that Penwha was more for you.

I see.

Well, um, I'm sure Mr. Douglas is busy
today, so don't bother him.

Just, uh, tell him I called and I'll,
um, I'll see him tonight.

Fine.

Goodbye.

My Three Sons will return in a
moment here on... Oh, hi, Dodie.

Where's Mama?

In your room.

She wants to see you.

Oh, is anything wrong?

Well, her face is just hanging around.

Her face is just hanging around?

Yeah.

Yeah, it talks and everything.

But it doesn't do much else.

Oh, hi, Ernie.

Are you going to go see Mom, Dad?

Yeah.

Would you listen to some advice if I gave it to you?

Well, Ernie, I really don't care for preconditioning.

Whatever it is, I'll take it as it comes.

Thanks very much.

Thank you.

I had some ominous readings on the way up here.

What's wrong?

I'm a little touchy about something,
and I'd like to be alone.

Your dinner's in the oven.

Would it be all right if I knew what you
were so touchy about?

Of course.

I discovered who picked out my birthday present.

But I don't understand.

I mean, you knew the store sent it out without
my seeing it, and you said that didn't bother you.

The store is not another woman.

Another woman?

Yes!

Polly, Dodie, Katie, and I are going out.

We'll be just fine when we get back, I think.

And don't do anything to stop me.

All right?

Chip, you better put some soup plates on.

This is stew, and the only way to eat stew is with a spoon.

Another reason Mom got hacked is because
of the bill that came for the nightgown deal.

She thought it was too expensive?

It wasn't that.

She got all steamed because a woman that
isn't her could sign on your department store chart.

Birthdays can be pretty expl*sive.

Women get all soupy inside, but men don't care much.

It's the old battle of the sexes.

Polly's still angry with you, Chip?

She was cool enough.

And then Katie's mess happened.

And then your mess happened.

She got hacked all over again.

You know, it's weird.

My wife's gone because I did something she told me to do.

And Robbie's wife's gone because he was
dumb enough to send her a present.

And your wife's gone because the wrong
person picked out the gift.

Man.

But nobody ever said women are weird.

It's just a matter of degree.

How weird?

How are you going to handle it, Dad?

Very simply.

What are you going to do?

Send them flowers.

Send them flowers?

Why?

Because they're not really as wrong as we
men make them out to be.

Well, hold on.

Happy birthday, anyway.

Love, Chip.

Merry.

Christmas, love, Robbie.

By proxy.

P.S.

Note the handwriting.

Back.

To the Painted Desert.

Thanks a lot.

We really can't thank you enough.

And I'm sorry about it.

Well, you know.

Take it easy.

Bye.

Bye.

Isn't that the Charlie in the back seat?

Well.

Welcome home, Uncle Charlie.

Welcome home, my aunts.

Bustle.

Hey, pay the guy's fee, will you, and get my bag.

Okay.

What?

Did you lose my address?

Up north?

Well, Uncle Charlie, you're only gone three or four days.

Yeah, well, somebody could have dropped me a card.

On my anniversary.

My anniversary, Charlie.

Look, we always celebrate the day I join
this family, right?

We usually have a cake or something.

Well, Uncle Charlie, you were gone.

We couldn't have a cake.

Yeah, well, the telegram wouldn't have k*lled anybody.

Ah, we're sorry.

We're sorry we didn't remember, Uncle Charlie.

Happy anniversary, Uncle Charlie.

And so are all his friends, Richie,
Foxy, Ralph, even Arnold, and Al.

So find your couch and sit on it.

Happy Days, tonight at 6, here on Odyssey.

Happy Days, tonight at 6, here on Odyssey.