11x09 - One By One They Go

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons Starring Fred McMurray And
his Uncle Charley, William Demarest.

Yes, honey?

It's late and my stomach's yelling.

You go on in the kitchen.

Have Uncle Charley fix you a sandwich.

You don't suppose anything's happened to
the children, do you?

Got to stop thinking of them as children.

No.

Uh, is Tom going to come by later?

I don't think so.

He, uh, he said the meeting would last all day.

Maybe, uh, maybe Chip had a flat tire, hmm?

Why isn't Polly's father here?

Well, he had to go to an important meeting, Dodie.

He's missing my sign.

Yeah, well, we'll tell him about it.

Okay, Dodie, here you are.

And, uh, take a nap, then.

Thank you, Daddy.

You really think that Williams had a meeting, Steve?

Yes.

I mean, uh, you know, a guy should be here
when his daughter gets back from her honeymoon.

Well, Charlie, when a man tells me he has
to go to an important meeting, I believe him.

Well, do you want to know what I think?

No.

Steve, you're the most frustrating man I ever met.

Give him a move, Vern.

You know something?

There are worried vibrations in this room.

Yeah, nobody's worried.

Chip and Polly didn't know we were going to give
them a surprise welcome, so they just took their time.

Took their time?

What'd they do, come by the way of Arizona?

Well, of course, that car of Chip's could
have broken down again.

Think we ought to call the police or something?

That's the dumbest thing I've heard all night.

Now, what would the police do?

California Highway Patrol?

Well, this is Mrs. Stephen Douglas.

I don't know your procedure, so I
don't know if this is a silly question, but.

...

Yes.

Well, my son and his new wife are several hours overdue.

They're supposed to be coming from a place
called Puerto Munoz.

Yes, well, they were supposed to leave
about 8 O'clock this morning.

Chip!

Oh, they're here!

Hey, where have you kids been?

We were getting a little worried about you.

We stopped off at Laguna and went swimming.

You went swimming?

Well, you're home, that's the main thing.

Where's Papa?

He had a very important meeting, honey.

Why don't you guys stand out here?

Let's go in the other room where we can talk.

Yeah, come on, Dodie.

Ernie, you want to be the father and
Myrtle can be the baby?

This is no time to play house, Dodie.

Go to sleep.

Okay, only I'll never get you to sleep in my bedroom again.

Right.

This is my room.

As soon as Chip and Polly move into the
dorm, I get that room all to myself.

Are you going to need this football?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, the married guys at the dorm play
ball while the girls make dinner.

Well, Chipper, I saw your car in the
driveway with all your things in it.

You're moving out already.

Yeah, we put in our reservations for the dorm
before we got married and came through this morning.

How about this softball?

Yeah, I'll need that, too.

Well, can I give you a hand?

No, thanks.

This is the last of it.

I'll just throw this junk in my car and take off.

Come on, then.

Well, hi, honey.

I didn't hear you come home.

Hi.

Another one gone.

Is that what you're thinking?

Yeah.

One by one.

Are.

You going to need this?

I guess you can have it.

Thanks.

Hey, wait a minute.

You don't play tennis.

Well, I could trade it off for something I want.

Hey, Chip, you going to sleep in the dorm tonight?

Yeah.

At last you got the room all to yourself.

Oh, I didn't mean that.

Then what are you talking about?

It's kind of permanent.

I mean, well, I don't need the room that bad.

Yeah.

I guess it's kind of dumb to shake hands, huh?

What's dumb about it?

I.

Guess I'll go say goodbye to Mom and Dad,
Uncle Charley and Dodie.

And tr*mp.

And tr*mp.

You forgot these, Chip.

Oh, yeah.

Thanks, Dad.

I think he's going to ball in a minute.

Me too.

Well?

We won't say goodbye, Chip.

You're not going to be that far away.

I should say not.

I'll tell Charley and Dodie he's left,
and you better get going before I shed

those female tears that women are so famous for.

We'll call you guys as soon as we get a phone in.

And Polly wants to have you over for dinner.

Good.

See ya.

Here, ring it over and we'll play sometime, okay?

Look,

darling, I got the grapes up all by myself.

Oh, they look great.

Oh, and another thing, the phone was never disconnected,
and so all I had to do was call the phone company.

Listen.

Man.

Isn't it wonderful?

Yeah.

Do you want to carry me over the threshold?

You believe in that, Jess?

Not really.

For some reason, I'd like to be carried
over my new threshold.

Okay, come on.

There you go.

Feel better?

No, because if I felt any better, I'd bust.

Oh, our first phone call.

Who knows the number?

My mother.

I called her first thing.

Hi, Mama.

Because you're the only one who knows the number.

Chip hasn't even had a chance to call his parents yet.

What did Papa say when you told him about the dorm?

He hasn't?

Well, anyway, tell him that I want the two of you to
come over for dinner as soon as I learn to cook something.

You better invite him over sooner than that.

Chip's so funny.

Did you hear what he just said?

Yes, honey.

He's a wonderful boy, and I'm so glad you're so happy.

Fine, dear.

Yeah, well, I'll call you tomorrow, hmm?

Oh, I'm sure your father will call, too.

Okay.

Bye-bye.

Tom, how long do you think I can go on lying to Polly?

I didn't ask you to lie, Margaret.

Why don't you tell her the truth?

Oh, no.

The person who tells Polly she's being
rejected by her father is going to be her father.

And this is the closet.

It's line with the theater to take care of
the moss and everything.

Oh, nice.

Good.

And thanks a lot for the TV, Mom and Dad.

I don't know what we'd ever do without it.

Well, we just thought it would come in handy.

Why don't you sit down on the couch?

I think that's the best place.

We think it's pretty comfortable for
something that turns into a bed.

Yeah, it is.

Polly put up the drapes herself.

Oh, well, I say you did a very good job, Polly.

It was that first day that Chip was moving
his stuff from the house.

I thought, well, why don't I put the drapes up myself?

It's surprising.

So I did, and he was.

Well, it's a very comfortable place.

Well, it's kind of small, but there's just the two of us.

Hey, did I show you the refrigerator?

Oh, let's see that.

It's a built-in.

All the dorms have them.

Man, is it handy, huh, Polly?

Yeah, it's really cool.

Well, the minute it stops being cool, we'll have it fixed.

Chips are the funniest things, you know that?

Maybe we'd better eat.

Okay, well, it sure isn't much,
but it's a thought that counts.

Can I help you, honey?

Oh, no, thanks.

Why don't you just sit down?

Okay, where do you want us, Polly?

Well, Dad, you can go right there, I guess.

All right.

Come on.

Yeah, I'll get the salads.

Okay.

Thank you, honey.

Huh?

Well, oh, salad, huh?

Yeah.

Got it out of the machine on campus.

And don't tell her how good the chicken
is, because all she did was heat it up.

Oh.

Here.

Here.

What do you want, white or dark, Polly?

I'll help you.

Oh, either one is fine.

Gee, I forgot to take the plastic off the salad.

Oh, sweet.

Do you want coffee?

I didn't get any pink.

An hour later, coffee.

Oh, we'll have coffee later.

What about dessert?

Oh, you know, I think I forgot dessert.

Oh, well, we don't eat dessert anyway.

We're on a diet.

Well, may I offer a toast?

Does it work without wine?

It works better without wine.

To Polly and Chip.

May they always be as happy as they are right now.

Oh, dear.

Well, Polly, your grapes are down.

What a tiny little room.

I don't think I've ever seen so much
happiness in such a small room.

I think I'd have been a self-conscious mess
under the same conditions at the same age.

Me too.

I'd probably have had my bride take the cellophane off
the salads and pretend that she'd cooked the chicken.

But I would have been wrong.

Steve, has Polly's father called him yet?

No, Chip says he hasn't.

I wonder why.

I'll tell you why, Margaret.

Because you don't encourage defiance.

You don't tell young people that they will
be rewarded if they hurt you.

Now, she knew exactly how I felt, but she indulged herself.

Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to go to sleep.

Tom.

I'd like to ask you something.

Do you love her?

I thought that might be what you would say, so I'm
gonna, I'm gonna answer your question with a question.

Does she love me?

Are you okay?

Hey, man, wow, honey.

Are you okay now?

Yeah.

What's wrong?

Everything went great tonight.

I know.

Well, even when the drapes fell down, nobody cared.

I know.

My folks didn't mind the machine salad or
the store-bought chicken.

I know.

Well, then what's tearing you up?

Your folks are so great.

Your mom's great, too.

And so's your dad.

I wish Papa would come to see me.

Tom, Chip's here.

Oh, hello, Chip.

You come in the back way, did you?

Chip's been here for some time, dear.

He didn't want to disturb you while you were working.

Oh, fine.

Sit down, Chip.

Sit down.

How's Pauline?

She's fine, Mr. Williams.

That's all.

Yeah, I understand that you two went out of the state
to get married and went to Mexico on your honeymoon.

Yeah, we... Yeah, it's a beautiful country, Mexico.

Warm people.

I was there once in 1939.

This other fellow and I bought a 32 convertible for $20.

Took off down the Pan-American Highway.

Tom, I don't think Chip came over to talk
about your trip to Mexico.

Margaret, I'm just trying to set everybody at ease.

We certainly don't want to shout at one
another, do we, Chip?

No, sir.

See, Margaret, Chip is a college man with a wife.

He knows these things.

All right, we'll get to the subject.

Chip, you explain to Pauline that I'm...

I'm not cutting her out of my life.

Nothing dramatic like that.

You're not?

No, you see, Chip, she hurt me.

You both hurt me, for that matter.

I'm simply waiting for the wound to heal.

Oh, my.

Now, my love, my love, which I have given
so freely, has been turned aside.

She thinks you don't love her, Mr. Williams.

I love her, Chip.

I told you that.

It's not a question of that.

It's a question of who loves who.

Don't you agree?

I don't know what you mean.

All right, you tell Pauline this.

You tell Pauline that...

that her papa loves her, of course.

But he wants her to know how hurt he is.

Don't you miss her?

Of course I miss her.

That isn't the point.

Look, you're probably thinking I'm a very selfish man.

Well, you think in a different direction, son.

You ask yourself, who is the most selfish?

Now, you ask yourself that question and see
if you don't come up with a different answer.

Sometimes she cries at night, Mr. Williams.

Mr. Williams?

Well, thank you for coming by, Chip.

You explain everything to Polly.

I'm okay, Mr. Williams.

Bye, Mom.

Good night, Chip.

That.

Boy called you a terrible name just now.

Margaret, we had a very unemotional talk.

What terrible name?

Your son-in-law called you Mr. Williams.

Okay.

Polly.

You know something, Chip?

We have a perfect life.

Yeah, we do.

Except for one thing.

Polly, that's what I want to talk to you about.

You've got to quit worrying about your dad.

It's okay.

I'm making the adjustment.

What kind of an adjustment?

Well, I'm facing all the facts.

Your parents like me.

My mother likes me.

Your brothers and Uncle Charley like me.

Even tr*mp likes me.

Seven out of eight's not so bad.

But your dad likes you, too.

He loves you, honest.

You're sweet, darling.

I'm going to go to sleep, okay?

I cannot keep my eyes open.

Okay.

Polly, there's something I better tell you.

That's weird.

It's kind of late for callers.

Mr. Williams.

Hello, Richard.

Papa.

Hello, Polly.

No need.

My car broke down about a block from here, and I
remembered your mother said this is where you lived.

Yeah, this is it.

I thought maybe I might use your phone to
call the automobile club.

Well, sure.

Sure, come on in.

Thank you.

We were just doing a little studying.

See?

How's Mama?

Oh, your mother is good under all conditions.

Me, I'm not so lucky.

This is it, huh?

This is the whole thing.

Well, it's just a dorm, Papa, but we've
got everything we need.

The refrigerator's built in.

It's got a Pullman stove, a little dinky
oven, and everything.

It was just the same.

I, uh, I.

See you unpacked everything.

Yeah, just about.

You said you want to use the phone, Mr. Williams?

The number I...

My car didn't break down.

I.

Missed you so much.

Me too, kid.

Me too.

Me too.

Chip.

Yeah, Mr. Williams?

Chip, do you think you could call me
something besides Mr. Williams?

I'll sure work on it, Mr. Williams.

I mean, yeah.

Hey, sure is dead up there.

Uh, where?

Upstairs.

Nothing happens.

Well, anybody care for dinner?

Okay.

Hey, are we in time to eat?

Sure.

Oh, well.

Okay, good to see you.

Okay, if somebody doesn't get in here and eat this
dinner, I'm going to throw the whole thing out the window.

And now I know we're welcome.

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