10x13 - It's a Woman's World

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My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray,
and his Uncle Charley, William Demarest.

My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray, William Demarest.

My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray, William Demarest.

My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray, William Demarest.

Here's your silverware.

And remember, I'm bringing the dessert tonight.

Thank you, Uncle Charley.

Here.

You know, that Steve McQueen thing is really silly.

There's only one person I think is really cute.

Yeah.

Who?

Paul McCartney.

Thank you for bringing the dessert, Uncle Charley.

Honey, that stew was delicious.

It's too bad Dad had to work tonight.

He'd have loved it.

Thank you.

Gotta be the best since Michael Matrimony.

Yeah, he ran an Irish-Japanese restaurant
in downtown Anchorage.

I recommend the joint very highly.

Honey, make a mental note of that for the
next time we're in downtown Anchorage.

No, I think I'll get one of the babies.

Maybe little Charley.

Robbie, did we tell you about the three rashes that
disappeared just before Katie got the boys to the pediatrician?

Oh, what about this morning?

I found them all trying to eat a paperback
edition of w*r and Peace.

That's a pretty tough plot to digest.

Look at the size of this guy, will you?

He'll be eight foot six by next Saturday.

Excuse me, Robbie.

Did the second grade ever make you sick to your stomach?

Not that I can remember, Dodie.

I was just wondering.

Hey, you know, you two don't look old
enough to have a kid this size.

Let me take him, Uncle Charley.

Oh, sure.

Come on, baby.

Uh-oh.

Maybe I spoke too soon.

What are you looking at, Uncle Charley?

A gray hair.

A gray hair?

On me?

Honey, it doesn't mean a thing.

I know a guy who's gray at 25.

Uh-oh.

There's another one.

Hey, you know, I think you're gonna look
beautiful with gray hair.

Rob, do you realize that by the year 2000,
we'll be in our 50s?

And our brothers will be in their 30s?

Boy, that seems weird.

Seems weird.

Is that all right?

I never pictured myself as being old before.

Old before.

Hey, Rob, your eyebrows are on fire.

Eyebrows on fire.

I'm turning gray, and I haven't even been to Europe yet.

Europe, yep.

And I guess she's at the age where it
might really bother her.

Yeah, I guess it might.

I mean, I can remember when I first
discovered a little wrinkle around my eyes.

It was really quite a shock.

I guess it really was.

Steve, you're supposed to say that I don't
have any wrinkles around my eyes.

Right.

Steve, if you want to go to sleep, why don't you say so?

No.

I don't know.

I forget the expression on Katie's face when
Uncle Charley kept finding one gray hair after another.

Wrinkles around the eyes.

Are they that noticeable?

It must have been quite a shock.

I guess you want to go to sleep.

Yep.

You want to go to sleep.

And I'll say the Douglas family is the
world's champion at eating and running.

Well, Steve loves his golf, Charley, and
I like to see the boys get their exercise.

Hi, everybody.

Well, what brings you here?

Oh, I promised Dodie I'd take her to the market.

Is she ready?

Oh, I think so, Katie.

I'll go get her.

I'll get her.

Dodie!

Well, Uncle Charley certainly knows how to save steps.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, you look as low as a mountain.

Climb her in a manhole.

Dodie!

Move it!

Is something wrong at home?

No, everything's fine.

Are you worried about them gray hairs again?

Of course she isn't, Charley.

Why should anybody worry about that?

That's what I keep saying to myself over and over again.

It does bother you.

Yeah.

But look, I only found four, and I'll lay
you odds that I can't find another one.

Uh, Charley.

Maybe Dodie is having a hard time getting back.

Yeah, maybe I better shut up and go help her.

The dumb thing is, I can't forget about the gray hair.

Katie, some people get gray hairs when
they're teenagers, and some don't get them at all.

But in your case, it certainly doesn't mean old age.

Well, but it sure is a colorful reminder that it's coming.

Oh, Katie.

I know, I know.

I'm being silly.

Yes, you are.

Hello?

Yes, this is Katie.

How did you know?

Oh, really?

Oh, Mrs. Vincent, you don't know this,
but you just said the perfect thing.

Thank you.

Here's Barbara.

It's your mother.

What did she say?

Well, she said she could tell it was me
because of my youthful voice.

Hello, Mother.

Hello, Mother.

This is ancient Barbara.

I got a question.

How about some of that goop to dye your hair?

We wouldn't let the secret out.

Don't worry about it, Uncle Charley.

I was just being stupid about the whole thing.

I thought just us kids were supposed to be stupid.

Right.

Just kids.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

Let's go.

Goodbye, Uncle Charley.

Bye.

Bye-bye, sweetheart.

I take for granted you know about our chicken special.

Oh, yes, thank you.

We don't need any right now.

Hey, you're the mother with the triplets, aren't you?

Yes, I am.

Well, six more and you've got a baseball team.

That's right.

And Dodie.

Honey, you must stay close to me now.

I know, but I was watching this boy climb into the freezer

where the TV dinners were, and
I watched his mommy yell at him.

I didn't know you had a daughter this age.

Oh, she's not my daughter.

Oh.

Well, I guess I could have a daughter Dodie's age.

Sure, why not?

Kathleen?

Katie, I think that an old man with no
hair wants to talk to you.

Aren't you Kathleen Miller?

Oh, yes, I am.

Oh, I was.

I'm married now.

Oh, I don't... Oh, you don't recognize me.

Well, it happens all the time because of the chrome dome.

Well, where was it that we... Wait, wait.

Maybe this will give you a hint.

Como esta usted, senorita?

I'm sorry.

Marvin Hornefer.

I had the worst accident in Spanish class
all four semesters.

Marvin Hornefer from high school?

Well, how many other Marvin?

Hornefers do you know?

Well, Marvin, it's great to see you.

It's nice seeing you, Kathleen.

Gosh, it's been a few years since the old Alma mater, huh?

Hi.

Hey, you're going to be as pretty as your mother.

Oh, she's not...

Um, well, are you married, Marvin?

Yes, twice.

Well, I...

I hope life treats you well, Kathleen.

Hasta la vista.

So long, beautiful.

Did you go to school with him, Katie?

Mm-hmm.

He sure is nice for an old man with no hair.

Yes, he is.

Seeing Marvin simply reminded me that
we're not children anymore.

Who's not children, huh?

Who's not children?

Rob, Rob, please.

You know, Katie, you used to be a little more fun.

I'm just the same person I've always been.

Well, you know what I mean.

Four gray hairs, and we're supposed to be renting
rocking chairs and waiting for our number to come up.

Rob, I'm simply willing to accept my age.

Well, why should I be one of those women
that desperately hang on to youth?

Katie, I'm not asking you to play hopscotch.

I'd just like to see you play.

I see you laugh a little more.

Come on.

Rob, not now.

Okay.

Get the chamois.

I not only don't remember getting sick about
it, I don't even remember the second grade.

Period.

Oh, I was just wondering.

How's the old lady?

I'm afraid getting older by the minute.

You know, I used to go with a Damon Rangoon.

It pulled that serious stuff.

What'd you do?

Oh, I just hit her with a couple of jokes.

Well, that won't work, Uncle Charley.

Hey, do you know where the chamois is?

Yeah, in the upstairs hallway closet.

Thanks.

Oh, boy.

You know, I'll have her rolling in the driveway.

Ah, now that's what I like to see, a woman working.

Hi, Uncle Charley.

Katie, did I ever tell you the time I worked in the cheap?

Cafe?

No.

Well, business was so slow, the cook was
arrested for loitering.

Oh, God, come on, honey, smile a little.

Uncle Charley, you think I need cheering up, don't you?

Then the guy phoned in one night and asked
what time we served dinner.

We asked him what time he could make it.

Oh, now, come on, honey, smile a little bit.

You know, that was funny.

Uncle Charley, I'm not depressed.

I'm just trying to face things as they are.

Look, you gotta be depressed, because
those two jokes I told you were hilarious.

Business is slow, and the cook arrested for loitering, huh?

I just saw Robbie upstairs.

He said the kid was down here.

Yeah, Chip and Ernie are babysitting.

They're triplets.

Well, I seem to be spending most of my
time easing Dodie into the second grade.

Yeah, well, why don't you rather see what you
can do with the old lady out in the driveway, will you?

Is she still low about those gray hairs?

Look, when you don't laugh at my jokes,
you've hit rock bottom.

Katie, can I talk to you for a minute?

I'll bet Uncle Charley sent you out here
to check on my spirits, didn't he?

Well, from the way he sounded, I
thought I'd find you in an emotional heap.

Oh, really, I'm fine.

Good.

There is something I wanted to talk to you about, though.

Oh, what is it?

Insurance.

Insurance?

Yes.

I feel that Rob and I should have a little nest egg
to fall back on when he's no longer able to work.

The boys' college tuition will be coming
up before we can bat an eye.

One week, Dad.

One week since she found that gray hair,
and my household is completely different.

Oh, now, Rob, it can't be that bad.

Well, Dad, I wouldn't be here complaining
if it wasn't that bad.

What exactly is the problem?

Well, she's living in the future.

Her thoughts are aimed at old age.

Do you know that she even looked into my pension benefits?

Well, that's all right.

She should be informed about such things.

Dad, I don't collect for another 40 years.

I'd say that's being informed
about... about 39 years ahead of time.

But Katie's such a sensible girl.

You know, Dad, last night I came home from
work and I found out that we were going to

play bridge with the people down the street.

Well, I can think of a lot of worse things
than playing bridge.

Well, nothing against senior citizens,
Dad, but my partner was in her 70s.

I mean, we had a wild evening talking
about lawn bowling and bridge work.

Well, Rob, I still think you might be overreacting.

After all, Katie has a good head on her shoulders.

Hello.

Yes, he's here, Kate.

Yeah, I'll, uh, I'll give him the message.

All right.

Goodbye.

What's the message?

Uh, she wants you to come home right away so you can rest.

Rest?

She's made an appointment for you to have
an insurance examination tomorrow.

You see?

Well, can't we show Katie that she's still young?

I don't know, Barbara.

Well, maybe we should give her a party or,
uh, take her to a discotheque or something.

I think the only thing we can do is,
uh, we'll just try to be patient with her.

I mean, this is the sort of thing Katie
has to work out for herself.

Dodie, you should be asleep by now.

I can't go to sleep.

I'm lonely up there and I'm nervous about the second grade.

Uh, Dodie, uh, Chip... Chip and Ernie will be back from the

basketball game pretty soon, and
then you won't be lonely anymore.

Nervous or not, Dodie, you've got to get
your sleep in a scoot.

I want to tell you guys something.

Dodie.

Uh, Mama, don't you think, uh, we
could listen to her if, uh, she made it quick?

All right.

I'm not going to be nervous about the second grade anymore.

Well, that's fine, Dodie.

That's fine, sweetheart.

Because I'm not going to the second grade.

Dodie.

Now, I have just about lost Patience with you.

Now, we have done nothing but talk about
the second grade for days now.

You're a big girl, and you're going to have to face it.

Now, go to bed.

Dodie, I am tired of talking about it.

Now, go to bed.

Steve, do you think I was too strict?

No, I don't think so.

Sometimes a firm hand is just what they need.

Maybe I should have used a firm hand a little sooner.

Katie, do you need those glasses?

For fine work, yes.

What kind of fine work?

I'm making pillow slips.

Save some money on Christmas presents.

Well, you know, honey, I do have a job.

I mean, you don't have to sit around here
looking like Whistler's mother.

Well, I'm a little tired.

Honey, I think I will check on Dodie.

Maybe I won't.

Oh, it's a little rough on her.

Okay.

She's gone.

Steve, she's gone.

She's not in her room.

Well, she can't be gone.

She has to be someplace in the house.

Did you look in the bathroom?

Dodie?

Dodie?

Honey?

Dodie?

Well, that doorbell makes this seem a
little less like a retirement home.

Dodie?

Dodie?

Steve, do you think that she got so upset
with me that maybe she ran away?

I don't think so.

Honey, can you...

Hello?

Dodie?

Rob, could I call you back?

Honey, she's not up here anywhere.

I just thought you'd like to know that we have a little
visitor here, complete with fuzzy slippers and a bathrobe.

Dodie's over at Katie and Robbie's.

How in the world did she... We'll be right over, Rob.

Dad, could you hold off coming over for a few minutes?

But why?

Well, I realize that Dodie needs a little
help with that second grade business,

but, uh, well, uh, Katie needs a little help, too.

A little double therapy never hurt anybody, right?

Okay, bye.

What do you mean, I'm living in the future?

Well, you're in the first grade, right?

Right.

Well, that's exactly where you belong.

Doing first grade work?

Reading first grade books?

And singing first grade songs.

Exactly.

But do you know where your mind has been?

Right in my head?

Well, yes.

But it's also been in the second grade.

Thinking all about something that hasn't even happened yet.

Boy, you sure are smart, Katie.

She's super smart.

So, when your thinking is in the second
grade, you're missing all the fun of the first grade.

See?

You mean I should wait until I'm in the
future before my stomach gets heavy?

Oh, that's one way of putting it.

I guess what she means, Dodie,
is that we should all live now.

Not in the past and not in the future.

All of us.

You think you're very clever, don't you?

Sure.

I didn't see him do anything.

Well, he has a very sneaky way of making me
see things for myself that I should have seen before.

No more talking about old-age pensions, okay?

I'll wait until you're 64.

I'd appreciate it.

I don't know what you guys are talking about.

Well, Dodie, it's okay.

All you have to do is make it to the second grade.

Okay, I'll try to.

Now I'm studying to be a teacher.

I don't have to worry about getting married.

It's just something you don't expect.

Your little girl, the one you know so
well, just suddenly walks out the door.

She didn't really run away, Barb.

She came to her own family.

A block and a half away, at night, in her pajamas.

What have you done about punishment?

Well, we've restricted her, and...

we've talked to her.

I don't think she'll ever do it again.

Where is she now?

Well, she's up in her room, and Steve is with her.

Why are you smiling?

Oh, because she's in very good hands.

Dad has a way.

Sort of an intuition about things.

He kept a house full of roughnecks in line for years.

I think he can do the same for a little girl.

Let's go see.

And a goat who will only eat rags and
papers is not a good goat.

Charles, you're supposed to read next.

My teacher says we should read in rotation.

Okay, Steve.

Goats are supposed to eat grass.

And your mother will be very disappointed in you, Billy.

So go home and promise never to eat rags
and newspapers again.

May we come in?

Well, do you people have business here in second grade?

Well, no, I guess not.

It's just like the first grade, except it
has different books and junk, Mama.

It's your turn, Steven.

Oh.

So, Billy went home and ate grass,
and he grew strong and big, and horns

appeared on his head, and his parents were
very proud of him.