10x06 - Two Weeks to Go

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray,
and his Uncle Charley, William Demarest.

I'm telling you, Steve, when you move your
junk in, this room is going to be as dainty as a truck.

Well, you're saying I better get new furniture, huh?

No.

Well, then you're saying I ought to let
Barbara refurnish it.

I ain't saying anything.

I'm just telling you that with your old
furniture, this ain't going to be a dainty room.

Well, now, Charley, with the wedding only
three weeks away, I'll either have to let

Barbara refurnish it, or I refurnish it, right?

Two weeks away.

Two weeks?

Your wedding is two weeks away, Steve.

Two weeks, 14 days, and zap, you're hooked.

Anybody home?

Yeah, we're up here.

Rob, Charlie, it can't be two weeks.

There's just too much to do.

I got to call this somebody.

Oh, I know you're right, Charlie.

Hi.

Oh, hi, Rob.

Is Katie with you?

We could use her advice.

She went over to Barbara's.

She said as long as they're going to be relatives,
they might as well get to know each other better.

Oh.

What's the problem?

Well, it's this room, Rob.

We don't quite know what to do with it.

Oh.

Well, why don't you have an interior decorator come in?

Surprise Barbara.

Hey, that's a great idea.

That's the solution to the whole thing.

Huh, Charley?

Right.

I just can't believe the wedding's only two weeks away.

Two weeks and one day, and zap, you're hooked.

Charley, I wish you'd think of a different
way of putting it.

You know, Dad, you haven't said much about the wedding.

Where's it going to be?

Well, you know, we're both a little stunned at the idea of

getting married at all, as we
haven't gotten down to details.

I suggest you get down to details pretty soon.

But I imagine Barbara feels the same way.

The same way I do about the wedding.

Just a simple ceremony by a justice of the
peace down at City Hall.

How many on the list so far?

Uh, not many.

How many, Mom?

Um, 112.

Well, that's not bad.

Well, that's only our side, dear.

I'm sure Stephen will want to invite a few people.

You can help us there, Katie.

These invitations should have been out two
weeks ago, but things have moved so fast.

Haven't you talked this over with Dad?

Well, uh, he was... He was
working, and I was working, and...

Well, I just assumed he'd want his friends
and mine to be there.

Well, you know him pretty well, Katie.

What do you think?

I think he'll want what you want.

Ah, good.

Now, if we can just get this list
completed and get these mails... Tonight?

Tonight?

Well, that'll give everybody a full two
weeks to get used to the idea that Barbara

Harper is going to become Mrs. Stephen Douglas.

And maybe Barbara Harper can believe it's really happening.

Well, you shouldn't be bothering Dad when he's
getting himself into a mental condition to get married.

Sure, but he's the expert.

Any questions you want to ask about girls, you ask me.

You keep losing all your girls.

Was the first girl Dad ever found that he
wanted to get married to?

She said okay.

What do you mean I keep losing all my girls?

Well, that Ernestine McCloud.

The girl that you were all hung up on has
gone steady with the Marine.

And that goofy-looking girl with all those teeth
that you thought were so great, she got married.

And how about that Amy Carter that told you to get
lost because she said you danced like a flamingo?

Man, Ernie, who you been talking to?

You.

Every time one of your romances gets shot
down, you tell me about it.

That's why I want to talk to Dad about Florine Dixon.

Florine, huh?

What's her last name, Ernie?

Dixon.

She's the best looking girl in the whole school.

And you feel she's a little beyond your reach, is that it?

Sure.

Man, Dad, she could be a movie star or something.

That's why I need an expert like you to give me advice.

An expert like me?

Sure.

The first girl you wanted to get married to said okay.

It didn't take you a million years either.

Oh, thanks, Ernie.

We're not by any chance talking about a
marriage for you, are we?

Oh.

Heck no.

I just would like to see what it feels like to
take out the oiliest girl in the whole school.

The oiliest girl?

Yeah.

Well, Ernie, if this isn't too terribly
urgent, could we talk about it later?

I mean, I'm late for a dinner date with Barbara.

Okay.

You got any quick advice you can give me?

Well, nothing brilliant.

I'll tell you, why don't you talk to Robbie?

Okay.

Only he's no expert.

He went steady about nine times before he met Katie.

Florine who?

Dixon.

She's oil.

She's what?

Oil.

Where have you been, Katie?

We kids call a girl oil because she rises to the top.

She's smooth.

Hey, Ernie, if she's so great, why
don't you try for something less exalted?

Well, I figure that's what all the guys say.

Anyway, when a girl is too good-looking,
she scares the guys off, sort of.

For all I know, flooring Dixon is real lonesome.

Anyway, how did Dad get started going with Mrs. Harper?

Well, you ought to know that, Ernie.

Yeah, I know that.

Only, what did he say to her in those first few minutes?

What was his approach?

Did he hit her with a few jokes, or did he
light his pipe and let her smell the aroma?

And get all carried away?

Well, I'm afraid you're going to have to ask him, Ernie.

You know, Uncle Charley says the wedding is two weeks away.

Dad couldn't believe it.

Neither could Barbara.

She's afraid her friends are going to hate her
because she's sending out her invitations so late.

Well, I don't see why her friends...

Invitations?

She's mailing hers out first, and then she'll check
with Dad tomorrow on the friends he wants to invite.

Katie?

Dad thinks they're going to be married at the same time.

Well, Barbara thinks they're going to be married...

Rob, why didn't they talk about it?

Who are you calling?

Barbara's mother.

She's planning to mail out the invitations tonight.

Hello?

This is Katie Douglas.

Have you mailed the invitations yet?

Not yet.

Have you ever licked 112 envelopes?

What?

What?

No.

She and Stephen have gone out to dinner.

Probably Mama's Lasagna Palace.

In all the years you were alone, did the
idea of a second marriage ever occur to you?

No.

Oh, a couple of times, maybe, but nothing major.

Nothing that actually made me want to stand
in front of a justice of the peace and say, I do.

I'm very flattered, sir.

Justice of the peace?

Well, it's the second marriage for both of
us, and I thought...

What's wrong, Barbara?

Steve, I just don't know how to tell you this.

Tell me what?

Something is wrong.

No smiles, no holding hands.

Something is wrong.

Go play something quick.

Look, darling, if you want a big wedding, there's
no reason in the world why you shouldn't have it.

And just because... Not...

Mrs. Harper and I are talking.

But I don't want a big wedding, honey.

I mean, for the life of me, I can't figure out how... I
just let this happen without talking to you about it.

But you're talking to me about it now.

And just because I pictured a justice of the
peace at City Hall doesn't mean it has to be that way.

But that's what you want.

The invitations.

And he just said to go away?

We are talking, he said.

And he called her Mrs. Harper.

Maybe you played the wrong song.

Mama me, she's leaving.

May I use your phone?

Of course.

Mother, Barbara.

Did you mail the wedding invitations?

Katie called?

Oh, good.

We almost made a terrible mistake.

No, we may never mail them.

I've been waiting all day for an interior decorator, Dame.

I had to go to the store.

If she gets here, show her Steve's room
and take the note off the front door.

Charley.

Oh, hi.

I was just taking the note off the door.

The store that said for you to wait.

I should wait?

Well, I'm here now, so it's okay.

The room's upstairs.

Mr. Douglas is up there?

Well, you're supposed to go ahead anyway.

Right this way.

Where do we go?

I guess the idea is for you to come up
with some ideas for fixing it up.

Are you going to make this into a restaurant?

What?

I'm Mama Rossini from the Lasagna Palace.

Mama, I guess I blew the deal.

I thought you were the interior decorator.

Oh, Manon.

I come to tell your papa that he must never give
up love, that he must marry with a lovely senora.

Well, he is going to marry her.

Isn't he?

I talk too much.

What time he comes home, your father?

What makes you think he isn't going to marry Mrs. Harper?

You can tell me.

I'm his son.

Yes, I see you have the same fine eye,
but you see, there's a saying in my

village, the tongue can cut deeper than the sword.

I go now.

I come back when your papa comes home.

Uncle.

Charley, this lady's sitting...

Aren't you the lady from the restaurant?

Si, signore.

Arrivederci, bambino.

What did she do, bring you a sandwich or something?

She said she had to see dad because she
thinks he isn't going to marry Mrs.

Harper.

What kind of talk is that?

Well, she seemed awfully sure.

Has anything gone wrong that you know about?

You talk like you got a paper head.

That marriage is as solid as a rocket you brought it.

Hi, Al.

I'm Marcia Cummings.

And?

I'm the interior decorator.

Oh, well, uh, I'll tell you what.

It's barely possible that we won't have to
change the room after all.

We'll call you.

And thank you very much for coming.

Goodbye.

Are you sure it was Mama Rossini?

It was her.

Well, what did she say?

Well, she's got an accent and everything.

But I think she was trying to tell me you
weren't going to marry Mrs. Harper.

Well, where would she get an idea like that?

Then why would she come over here?

You sure there ain't something you ain't telling us?

Like you're blue to marriage or something?

Of course not, Charley.

That's probably her.

She said she was coming back.

She did?

You want me to let her in?

No, I'll go.

I'll throw you dinner in the oven.

Okay.

I hope Dad didn't blow the marriage.

I'm trying to pattern everything I do with
Florine after what he did with Mrs.

Harper.

How's it going?

Rotten.

I think not being old enough to smoke a
pipe has slowed me down a lot.

Well, come in and sit down, Mrs. Rossini.

Gracias.

How is Cesare?

Oh, he's fine.

Mr. Douglas, do you think this is budding in of me?

Oh, no, no.

If you like, I won't say one word about
you and the Signora.

What about me and the Signora?

You must not permit the lovely Signora to
send back all the information.

She's sending invitations to your wedding.

Oh, but she's sending them back for a reason.

All women do things for a reason.

But as the years go past, they find out
that reason is no good.

Capisce?

Yes, I understand what you're saying, but... Oh, please.

Let me tell you a story.

In my village, there was a young girl,
pretty, full of life and fire.

And one day, a soldier came to our village
and said, Oh, this girl, oh, she'll fall in love.

You know, of course, this girl is me.

I... I thought it might be.

There were many kisses with this soldier.

He was so handsome.

He'd make a girl's hands to aspire just to look at him.

Then one day, he said to me, he wished me
to marry with him.

His name was Stefano.

How do you say that in English?

Well, I imagined it's Stephen.

That's my name.

I knew you sent me here for a reason.

Stefano.

May I call you this?

Oh, yeah, of course.

Now, Stefano, the one in Italy, he must go back to a w*r
someplace, and he said to me, please, to marry with him.

You know what I say?

Stupid on you.

I say, you go to w*r, and then you come
back, and then I marry with you.

What a fool.

What a donkey.

It is Piazza.

I mean, I'm sorry, but...

Well, I suppose you know what happened.

He, uh, he was k*lled?

No, he married somebody in Rome and have 12 kids.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Stefano, I never marry.

Cesare, he's my brother.

We come to this country, but never,
never do I find a man such like my soldier.

Never.

This is why I permit myself to budding in.

This is why I am here.

You must not let your lovely signorina go.

If she has the brains of a donkey and the
voice of a trumpet, don't let her go.

Because out of her eyes comes love for you.

Oh, nothing is more important than this Stefano, nothing.

But I'm going to marry her.

What is this you say, Stefano?

We're going to be married.

Oh, grazie.

You send me here, he listens and now they will marry.

Oh.

Oh.

Be happy, Stefano, be happy.

Oh, and please, you give your love to my,
to that lovely lady of yours.

But never, never tell her that I'm the one
who saved the marriage.

This will be our secret together.

It'll be our secret.

Come on, you guys, get away from that door.

What do you want to do, grow up and be a couple of snoops?

Is Dan just going to let that lady think
she patched up the marriage?

Why not?

Sometimes it's kinder to let somebody think something.

And a clobbering was something that
doesn't make any difference anyway.

Look, who's suddenly become a philosopher.

Charlie, don't hold dinner for me.

I'm going out.

Don't hold dinner.

Don't hold dinner.

Mother, I couldn't possibly eat a thing.

How is it you're not seeing Steve tonight?

Because we decided to give ourselves some
time to do some private thinking.

Very sensible and very dumb.

And tomorrow he works and I work too.

Oh, sure, sure.

Barbara Harper, you will eat something or I
will force feed you as I did when you were a kid.

I did when you were two.

Here.

Now, number one, your big wedding is
already practically out the window because

there's no longer any decent time to send
out the invitations.

Number two, you stay there and eat.

Hello, Stephen.

Hello, Miss Vincent.

Steve.

Hi, Barbara.

I didn't think I'd see you tonight.

Well, something happened today and,
well, I want to talk to you.

Um, I just... I just this minute thought of
something that'll keep me in the kitchen for hours.

Well, come on.

Sit down.

Now, what do you want to talk about?

Well...

I need you something to go wrong.

Then I can let Florian think it's okay.

Like what?

I don't know.

Well, most of the junk Dad does is right.

Man, Ernie, why don't you just go up and ask her to go
out instead of all this horsing around with what Dad does?

Because you just don't walk up to a
goddess and ask her to go out.

Besides, she won't talk to me.

I will.

Eat your dinner.

But it's not what I want, honey.

As Mother said, it's too late to decently
send out invitations.

Besides, I never wanted to be quitting anyway.

But you must have, Barbara.

Otherwise, you wouldn't have assumed that the...

What I'm trying to say is that Mama
Rossini is the one who is right.

It's the wedding itself that's important.

Would we be any less married if we were
married by a justice of the peace?

Well, of course not, but... Well, if
you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed.

Mrs. Vincent.

What do you think?

Hmm?

About the wedding arrangements, I mean.

Okay.

You finally asked me.

I think you're both so busy trying to please each other that
you're completely forgetting there might be a compromise.

Like what?

How?

Halfway between what each of you wants.

A private wedding with just the family
present in a little chapel.

Well, I've said it.

Good night.

Mrs. Vincent.

You are a very smart woman.

Yeah.

They say wisdom comes with age.

I'd rather be a little bit younger and a
little more stupid.

Good night.

Well.

Settled?

Settled.

Are you hungry?

I'm starved.

Come on.

I'll fix you some food.

We're just going to the show, so we'll be
back in a couple of hours.

Oh, sure.

Like 12 O'clock.

Well, check up on the boys once in a
while, whether or not they yell.

I think Chip knows that, honey.

Hey, where's Ernie tonight?

He said he was going to sit for us.

He got a date with that girl.

Florian Dixon?

Yeah.

I saw her at school, and she really is something.

I don't know why she even looked at a squirt like Ernie.

Oh, I do.

Oh, he finally figured it out.

He figured out what Dad does.

See you later, Chip.

Have a good time.

Oh, Mama.

Thank you.

What a good evening.

Hello, Mama Rosini.

I have for you your special table.

Why?

Everything is very nice, isn't it?

Yeah, very, very.

Thank you.

There is a saying in my village.

The goat on the hillside is not happy
unless there is at least one avalanche.

What does that mean?

Well, I'm not quite sure, but I'll tell
you, the next goat I run into, I'll ask.

What is it, Steve?

Good evening, senor, senorina.

Ten for two.

Oh, this way, per piacere.

Oh, hi, dear.

Well, hello, Ernie.

Oh, this is Gloria.

I'm Dixon.

Mrs. Harper and my dad, Florian.

Hi.

Hello, Florian.

Oh, we're having dinner and maybe taking a show.

Oh.

Well, that's, uh, that's fine, Ernie.

Florian says it's kicks to ride buses.

Oh.

Well, won't you join us?

It's up to Ernie.

Well, if you don't mind, Dad, we'll eat alone.

Florian wouldn't talk to me for so long.

We got a lot of junk to catch up on.

We'll see you later.

Thanks anyway.

Yes.

Bye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Florian.

In case you want, all I did was ask her if
she liked Italian food.

And she said yeah.

You know, she is a very pretty little girl.

Uh, no.

No, I wouldn't say that.

She isn't?

No.

I say she's...

Oil.

Desiree.

That, uh, young couple over there.

Would you play something nice for them?

Si, Mr. Douglas.