10x01 - The First Meeting

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Steve, Rob and Katie are about to
leave and you're going to stand there and

stare at an empty room or come downstairs
and say goodbye to them.

I'll be down in a minute, Charley.

All right.

We'll only be down the block, Dad.

Oh, hi, Kate.

Well, I guess they've got everything.

It looks so bare.

Remember when Mr. Storfman built this room?

The fights he and Uncle Charley had?

Anything you want, missus, you just tell me.

Are we doing the right thing, Dad?

No, of course not.

Rob's out of school now and the kids need
a mother and father.

Now the house full of uncles and
grandfathers and Uncle Charlies.

Oh, you graduate from college and you
think everything is great.

Then you walk into a room and you find
your wife in the arms of another man.

Oh, boy.

The room looks awful.

Well, that's why I'm in the arms of another man.

Where are the babies now?

They're in the back seat of the car with Uncle Charley.

Well, we'd better get down there before he spoils
little Charley and gives the other two a complex.

It's going to be weird around here without Rob.

Robbie and Katie and the babies.

Well, Robbie and Katie ought to be having dinner about now.

No, I'd say they're feeding the babies about now.

Does somebody want to talk about something
besides Robbie and Katie and the babies?

Well, I can't get them off my mind.

Besides, I forgot how to cook for just four people.

Well, I, uh, imagine Kate and Rob are
sitting down to dinner about now.

I just said that.

Oh.

Do you like it?

Great.

I mean, the food.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

It seems like we should be having champagne or
something for our first meal in our new apartment.

Honey, the root beer's fine, and so is the canned tuna.

To us.

To us.

And to Dad.

To Dad?

Yeah.

He's not happy.

Sure he is.

What do you mean?

He's just surface happy.

Oh, yes, his house and his sons and Uncle
Charley and a good job.

You're not doing your case any good with
that kind of argument.

Don't you see?

When we were there, he had the...

the babies to fuss over and he even had me to...
to be masculine at when I screamed about spiders.

What's he got now?

No.

No what?

No, you're not going to match him up with some female.

Well, she's not just some female, Rob.

If you only knew how pretty and guilty you look.

Okay.

Katie, who is she?

And forget the whole thing.

All I'm asking is that we invite Dad for
dinner to meet her.

Well, he can make up his own mind.

Honey, he won't be making up his own mind.

You'll be making up his mind.

Who is she?

Well, she's a friend of my mother's.

And she's a widow.

And she's pretty.

And she's very bright.

And her name is Millicent Sawyer.

And...

You've already asked her.

A week from Sunday.

To Katie Douglas, the meddler.

I'll drink to that.

I keep telling you, Steve, tie your socks together
before you throw them down the laundry chute.

I thought I was doing that, Charlie.

Yeah, well, somewhere between here and the
washer, they get separated.

Well, I'll tie them tighter.

Yeah, you keep saying that, but you... Don't do it.

I got a whole basket full of socks that don't match.

Is, uh, is something bothering you?

Heck no, but you're going over
there for dinner and... Ah, forget it.

Charlie, Katie just wants me to meet this
woman, that's all.

She's trying to get you married.

Oh?

I asked her and she said yes.

You're supposed to be lonely and you need a wife.

Her very words, Steve.

Well, Charlie, would it be so terrible if
I didn't marry you?

Would it be so terrible if I liked this woman?

I mean, suppose I did get married again someday.

Well, what happens to us around here?

Well, nothing would change.

I mean, she'd have to take me and you and
the boys and tr*mp just the way we are.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Here, you better stick this in your pocket.

And it wouldn't hurt to squirt another
shot of this aftershave on your jowls either.

Hey, now, wait a minute.

Are you trying to marry me off?

Sure, why not?

Dad, could I see you?

Well, Ernie, it's a little late.

Is it important?

Yeah.

I'm in sort of a jam with this Mrs. Harper.

What's a Mrs. Harper?

She sort of wants to talk to you, Dad.

Tomorrow after school.

Well, Ernie, I'm sorry you didn't tell me
about this sooner.

I've got to go now, but, uh...

We'll discuss it at breakfast in the morning, hmm?

Where are you going?

Over to Robbie and Katie's to get married.

Hi, Dad.

Katie, I didn't see you behind the door there.

Say, you really fixed the place up, Katie.

Thank you.

Yeah, I helped, too, you know.

Oh, I know that.

Dad, I'd like you to meet Millicent.

Oh.

Millicent, this is my father-in-law, Steve Douglas.

Millicent saw you, Dad.

Well, how do you do?

How do you do?

Mr. Douglas.

Sit down.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, Mr. Douglas, would you mind sitting on my right?

Light on the right, be rift on the left.

Oh.

Well, no, not at all.

Dad, I'll get you something to drink.

Yeah, well, thanks, Ron.

Millicent was the only one who predicted triplets, Dad.

Is that so?

I'll be right back.

You predicted triplets?

Mm-hmm.

You see, Kathleen has eight letters in it.

Rob has three.

Katie's maiden name, Miller, has six letters in it.

Her married name has seven.

Three from seven is five.

Six from seven is one.

Five and one are six, divided by two
parents, which makes three.

I always thought three from seven is four.

Oh, well, isn't that what I said?

Well, possibly.

And Rob's full name is Robert.

That's six letters.

What sign were you born under, Mr. Douglas?

I'm not sure.

The birthday's the end of August.

I guess that's Virgo, isn't it?

That accounts for it.

There's a streak of doubt in many Virgos.

Here you go, Dad.

Oh, thanks, Rob.

Is it too early to ask you to sit down?

I'm afraid I mistimed the roast.

Oh, that's all right, Kate.

We'll just bring these along.

Uh, Dad, you sit at the head of the table.

Millicent, over here, and Rob.

Oh, Katie.

You forgot.

Light on the right.

You reffed on the left.

Well, you better sit here.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, about Mrs. Harper.

We were supposed to talk about her at breakfast.

Yes, I know.

But I'm going to have to skip breakfast this morning.

I rolled over and turned off the alarm, I guess.

What about Mrs. Harper?

Uh, you're supposed to be there about four.

Be where?

Mrs. Harper's room.



That's on the main floor near the water fountain.

All right.

But, uh, what's the problem?

Well, uh, Mrs. Harper teaches in one of those
rooms where the desks aren't fastened to the floor.

So the other day, I got the kids to change them all around.

So we were facing backwards when she walked in.

Well, uh, it seemed kind of funny at the time.

Because it seemed so funny, I have to go
over there and straighten it out.

Well, um, I think she wants to talk to you
about something else, Dad.

I, uh, came up with sort of an F on my last test.

Hey, Steve, I forgot to ask you.

How was that dame that Katie fixed you up with last night?

Oh, uh, she seemed pleasant enough.

Charley, you're going to have to figure
out some type of restriction for Ernie.

He came up with sort of an F on a test.

I won't have breakfast this morning, Charley.

I'm late.

See ya.

Room 112, near the walk stop.

Figured out any restrictions yet?

How does the Chinese water t*rture strike you?

You know, Dad and Millicent seem to talk a
lot, don't you think?

Or are they just being polite?

Well, a little of both, I guess.

Dad did seem to like her, don't you think?

Katie, what is going on in that matchmaking head of yours?

Nothing.

Only, we can't go to the concert Wednesday night, and I
thought maybe Dad could use the tickets and take Millicent.

Uh-huh.

Well, let's leave that up to Dad.

You know, I had a sheet of yellow paper with numbers on it.

Oh, Millicent!

How weird.

Rob and I were just talking about you.

No, it's not a bit too early.

Oh, I see.

Well, of course.

No, no, I agree with you.

You know, honesty is the only way.

Thanks for calling.

Who's that?

Millicent.

Ma'am?

She doesn't care for Dad.

She what?

She says he's very nice, but she thinks
that his mind is closed on certain

subjects, and besides, the number of
letters in their names clash.

That's a good thing.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Bye.

Yes?

I'm looking for Mrs. Harper.

Oh, well, I'm Barbara Harper.

Oh.

I'm Steve Douglas, Ernie's father.

Oh, yes.

You're just leaving?

Yes, I have a little girl to get home to.

Oh, I guess I am a little late.

I'm sorry.

I got tied up.

Oh.

That's all right.

All right.

Do you mind if we talk on the way to my car?

No, no, that'll be fine.

Here, let me help you with those.

No, thank you.

Ernie tells me he got sort of an F in his last test.

Well, sort of.

Of course, I've never looked at it quite
that way, Mrs. Harper.

I guess I belong to the
wait-and-see-what-happens school of thought.

Well, so do I, but, well, sometimes we
don't have the luxury of time.

Who was that man, for example, that you
mentioned earlier, the one who worked at your plant?

Oh, you mean the test pilot, Jeff Stevens?

Well, now, there's a man who can't wait and see.

I mean, he has to react almost by
instinct, wouldn't you say, Mr. Douglas?

Well, not completely.

We try to eliminate the human error factor
as much as possible.

If Dad got there at 4 O'clock, how
come it's taken him so long to get home?

They're just chopping you up kind of fine, that's all.

All I did was have a little fun and flunk one test.

I got a feeling you should have passed the
test and flunked the fun.

What could they be talking about all this time?

You know, in a way, I'm almost afraid to
take that first trip to Europe.

I anticipate too much.

You've never been out of the country, have you?

Oh, before my husband died, we had some
crazy idea about hiding away on a Greek

island, taking the baby for a couple of
years, just the three of us.

First time I went to Paris, the company sent me.

I spent the entire time at a drafting
table in my hotel room.

Did you ever go back to Paris, I mean?

I asked.

We went back once.

I took the boys with me.

Uh, waiter, check, please.

Does your mother still... Don't worry about you.

Oh, don't they all?

I guess so.

You have your own built-in babysitter, huh?

She's wonderful with Dodie.

I don't know what I'd do without her.

Very lucky.

You know, I know somebody who works at your plant.

Uh, Mary Elliott.

Uh, she's somebody's secretary.

Maybe you've run into her.

No, I think I've heard the name, Bella.

What does it matter?

Is it really true what you said earlier
about metal fatigue?

I mean, is that measurable?

Oh, yes.

Yes, it, uh, it varies with the alloys, but it's,
uh, it's a factor that all of us take into account.

Rob?

Huh?

Suppose Dad calls Millicent for a date.

Yeah, he might call her.

So what?

Well, so she'd turn him down.

And then he'd be hurt.

I don't think Dad is that thin-skinned.

Good night.

Uh, somebody.

Ought to tell him.

Well, not me.

Good night.

I'll tell him tomorrow.

Fine.

How do you tell a man a woman doesn't like him?

A man is about to tell a woman the very
same thing if she doesn't stop talking.

Poor Dad.

I think.

You are right about too much psychology
and not enough common sense.

Exactly, Steve.

You know I find myself explaining things
to Dodie, who after all is only a baby,

as if she were a college profse.

I think it's a good idea to give them the reason for punishment
but I think we've become much too per一次 in our society.

I think your Uncle Charley has the right of heart.

Idea?

Well, of course, I'm not sure Uncle
Charley is too familiar with Freud.

Did he really tell Chip's guitar teacher
that he looked like a chipmunk?

Oh, sure.

He also advised the poor guy to get into a fight and have

somebody knock his teeth out
so he could start all over again.

Then he offered to be the one to do it.

You know, that's terrible.

But it's funny.

After all, he was picking on Chip.

Come on, Uncle Charley.

You scared me.

Oh, it's you.

What are you doing stomping around the
kitchen this time of the night?

I was just looking to see if Dad's car was in the driveway.

He's not home yet.

Since when is he on the curfew?

I keep wondering what he and Mrs. Harper said about me.

Oh, well, they'll probably have you
guillotined in the morning.

If they've been talking about me all this
time, I'm going to get creamed real good.

Oh, hi.

Hi.

Say, Ernie, it's kind of late.

What are you doing up?

Alice Ledford here.

We're just checking to see if he was home.

Oh.

Did you talk to Mrs. Harper?

Yes, I had dinner with her.

Man.

As a matter of fact, I just left her.

Now, look, Steve, just because the kid
turned a few chairs around and flunked a

little bit doesn't mean you have to go and
have a peace conference about it.

What did she say?

About what, Ernie?

About me.

Oh.

Well, come to think of it, we never got around to you.

Come on, it's late.

Get up to bed.

Good night, Charley.

Good night.

Uncle Charley said Dad didn't even talk to her about you.

Yeah.

Then all she said to you in school today
was bone up a little?

Well, she said more than that.

She said with my background, I had to be ashamed of myself.

What background?

I think she meant Dad.

Hi, you guys.

Hi, Robbie.

Hi.

Who's watching the kids?

Katie's aunt.

Say, is Dad home?

And if he is, would you mind getting lost?

Katie would like to talk to him privately.

Well, what about him?

If they told you that, it wouldn't be private.

He's upstairs, Rob, and we ought to be up
there doing our homework, Ernie.

Well, I'd rather do my homework down here.

What do you want him to do, dry you out, fix her?

I'll tell him you're here.

Thanks.

How do you tell a man like Dad that
somebody doesn't like him?

Easy.

You just don't open your mouth.

Well, he's going to find out as soon as he
asks her for a date.

Katie, number one, if I know Dad,
he won't even remember her name.

And number two, if he called her,
what makes you think that you would do a

better job of letting him down than she would?

I don't know.

Hi, Kate.

Rob.

Hi, Dad.

The boy said you wanted to see me.

Uh, me, in a way.

Oh, before I forget, Uncle Charley tells
me you have a couple of tickets to a

concert tomorrow night that you won't be using.

I didn't know you were that crazy about concerts.

Well, Kate, it all depends upon who you go with.

Yeah, I have them right here, Dad.

Oh, good.

Say, before I take them, I better do a little checking.

I mean, if she can't go, why, you can give
them to somebody else.

Don't be surprised if she can't.

All right.

Hello, Barbara?

This is Steve.

Barbara.

Say, I have a chance to get a couple of
tickets for a concert tomorrow night.

Do you think you'd be able to go?

Oh, that's great.

Yeah.

Well, tell me, how was your day?

I don't know why we're making such a big deal out of it.

It has been out with lots of women.

Not like this.

He's only known her two days, and I'll bet
he's called her 40 times.

Listen to you gossiping like a couple of old ladies.

Dad's found someone he likes, and I think it's wonderful.

Honey, we'd better get going home.

Well, don't go marrying him off so fast.

Uncle Charley, tell Dad goodbye for us.

Okay.

Well, hey, Kate, Rob, you're not leaving.

Yeah, they figured the babies would be
shaving by the time you got off the phone.

Oh, I'm sorry.

But, Kate, wasn't there something you wanted to tell me?

Not anymore.

Hello?

Sure, Barbara.

Surprise for you.

That's a mention.

Hi.

I guess we didn't get around to that, did we?

Well, I'll pick you up around 7 O'clock tomorrow.

Tell her I think it's wonderful.

See, I've got a better idea.

Why don't I pick you up around 6 and we
can have dinner at the music center?

There he goes again.

I think it's... We know.

You think it's wonderful.

So long, Uncle Charley.

Yeah, I looked down on the mall in the...

Oh, a couple of blocks.

No, I, uh... I don't think I remember that.

Ed, so you won't starve to death.

Good night.

You see, Charley and the boys and I only
got out to California about three years ago.

No. No.