06x27 - Ernie and That Woman

[bunniefuu]

Do.

You have any plain paper?

The kind without lines?

You're right, crooked enough with lines.

What do you want plain paper for?

Did you know France gave us the Statue of Liberty?

Well, sure, it just didn't grow there.

Our teacher just told us about it.

Chip, suppose anyone ever thanked him?

How should I know?

I guess we must have thanked him.

Well, I did.

Uncle Charley?

Yeah?

Do we have any plain writing paper?

A con without lines?

There's a box in the desk.

He's going to write a thank you note to
France for giving us the Statue of Liberty.

Well, hey, take two pieces of paper.

You didn't thank me for making your bed.

It's probably Steve calling from the airport.

I'll get it.

It's probably Marla.

I'll get it.

Who said he was going to call about swimming practice?

Hello?

Who?

Just a minute.

Ernie?

I'll get it.

You'll get it.

He'll get it.

It's for Ernie.

Hello?

Yes, this is him.

But he...

Really?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Swell.

How is it?

Sure.

I could come then.

Next week is spring vacation.

Who is it?

Gee, thanks.

Thanks a lot.

Who is it?

Hey, wait a minute.

I just remembered something.

I'm only nine years old.

I couldn't come by myself.

Who is it?

Well, there are five of us.

Six Captain tr*mp.

I guess he could stay here with a friend.

Okay.

We'll come next weekend.

Thanks.

Goodbye.

Hey, guys.

We're all going to Washington.

Uh-huh.

Where?

Washington, D.C.

That was the French embassy, and they just invited us.

Come on, Ernie, quit the fooling.

Who was it?

I'm not fooling.

Honest.

Then somebody's fooling you.

Why would the French embassy want to do that?

I wrote them a real nice letter telling
them thanks for the Statue of Liberty.

Uh-huh.

Who did you tell about the letter?

Nobody.

Just you and Chip and my teacher,
and she just told the whole class.

One of your smart-aleck boyfriends is
playing a trick on you.

No, that was the real French Embassy.

Just wait till Dad comes home and he hears
we're all going to Washington.

There goes gullible Gus.

You don't suppose he's on the level, do you?

Sure, just like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

Well, you can't blame her.

He's young, still believes things.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Well, I'm home, and I want to tell you I'm glad to be here.

How was the trip?

Worst trip I ever had.

Weather was m*rder, the place was jammed,
nothing went right.

Believe me, if I never go to Washington
again, it'll be three weeks too soon.

Nobody else believes me, but it's true.

We're all invited to Washington next week.

Ernie, what did you say in this letter you
wrote to the French embassy?

I thanked them for giving us the Statue of Liberty.

I'm kind of late, but I just found out about it.

Well, Ernie, it was a very nice gesture,
but... Somebody's playing a trick on it.

It's no trick.

What's wrong with you guys?

Ernie, inviting the whole family?

It just doesn't seem...

I'll get it.

Ernest Douglas residence?

I'm Ernest Douglas.

Would you sign this, please?

Thanks.

Hey, it's from Washington.

Airplane tickets for the whole family.

I told you so.

Well, if this is a practical joke, they're...

certainly going all the way.

Just think, Washington, D.C.

Yeah, good going, Ernie.

Hey, they look real to me.

Well, uh, this is quite an honor,
Ernie, from the French embassy.

I better go upstairs and start packing.

Well, now, wait, uh... Yeah, because
the plane doesn't leave for another week.

He wants you to avoid the last-minute rush.

Ernie, uh, this whole thing happened kind of suddenly.

Why don't we sit down and kind of talk it over, huh?

What's there to talk about?

I fixed it so you're all invited.

At last, I can do something for my whole entire family.

Dad.

Dad.

Steve.

I know, I know.

I just got back from Washington.

Well, I've got an absolutely unbreakable
date with Marla next week.

And our first swimming meet's coming up.

Don't you think the team can win without you?

Maybe, but I don't want them to find out.

Of course.

This means a lot to Ernie.

Well, Dad, why don't you and Uncle Charlie
go ahead and take him without us?

Rob, I really can't go.

An awful lot of work piled up at my desk while I was gone.

Besides, I spent most of my time in Washington
ducking a fellow by the name of Paul McGivney.

Who's McGivney?

Oh, he's a Wheeler dealer around town.

All Wheeler, no deal.

If I go back there, he'll track me down for sure.

Well, looks like you're elected, Uncle Charlie.

If I'm elected, somebody is stuffing the ballot box.

As long as if nobody goes, Ernie's going
to be awfully disappointed.

Disappointment never hurt a kid.

Helps him grow up.

Well, it's too bad, but it can't be helped.

I'd better go up and try to explain it to him.

If he hasn't already left for the airport.

You're getting all packed, huh?

No, sir.

I finished packing.

Now I'm unpacking.

You're unpacking?

I decided I didn't want to go.

Do you mind telling me why?

Because all you guys don't want to go.

I've lived in this family long enough to be able to tell.

Well, Ernie, it's just that...

Well, you sort of took us by surprise.

Dad, even you said let's talk about it.

And that's a grown-up's long way of saying no.

Anyway, I only cared about going to Washington
because I could take all you guys with me.

It was my chance to start paying you back.

Ernie, you don't have to pay us back for anything.

I know, but that's when you want to do it the most.

Oh, I see.

Ernie, you'd better have Uncle Charley do
a little work on this shirt.

Wouldn't look very good for Ernie Douglas to walk into
the French embassy with a button-off his collar, would it?

You mean I'm going?

We're going.

All of us?

All of us.

And, Ernie, next time you arrange a trip,
give us a little notice, will you?

Then we'll show you plenty of excitement.

Boy, hey, Dad, you better keep these tickets.

A kid might lose them, and they're very important.

Oh.

The camper, right outside our window.

Sam, welcome.

We've been in Washington two hours, and all
we've seen is a hotel suite and one French chauffeur.

Charlie, you're the camper, huh?

It's okay, Dad.

Ernie's asleep.

I might as well turn in early, too.

I'll join you.

As soon as I get a letter off to Marla.

What about?

You just got here.

I'm going to tell her I miss her already,
and I wish I were there.

What worries me is what if Marla goes out while I'm away and
meets another guy with just as much charm but more money?

Well, what about me?

This is the week all the other guys will be
getting into shape on the swimming team.

Why goof around here getting soft?

Well, Chipper, we're all in the same boat.

I've got a desk full of work waiting for me at home.

You guys think you've got problems?

I can't remember if I turned off the coffee pot.

Before I left the house.

Let's go home and unplug it.

Dad, it's obvious.

The French Embassy couldn't care less
whether we're here or not.

Well, sure.

We accepted the invitation like Ernie wanted.

Well, let's go home.

Now, why don't we just relax, huh?

We came here because Ernie wanted us to,
because it's important to him.

Now, we can't walk out on him, can we?

Well, maybe you'll be lucky this trip and
run into your old friend, Paul.

Don't worry about me because I have taxi money and I am
okay and I will come back to the hotel in time for a visit.

Lunch.

Ernie.

I didn't even hear him get dressed or anything.

When I woke up, his bed was empty and the
note was on the pillow.

Well, he's probably out arranging our day for us.

We'll just have to go along with whatever he sets up.

Mr. Douglas, soyez le bienvenu.

On behalf of the French Embassy, welcome to Washington.

Mr. Ambassador, on behalf of the United
States of America and me, thanks.

Oh, you are very welcome.

And I want you to be sure that you are
here just like at home.

Now, please make yourself comfortable.

Sit down.

The accommodations we arranged for your
family are suitable.

Oh, you bet.

They're swell.

I had planned to telephone you this morning.

You see, we are giving a small dinner party
for your family at the embassy this evening.

I'm looking forward to meeting your father at that time.

Thanks.

Is there perhaps another matter?

Well, you see, Mom.

My older brother, Robbie, he's 19, doesn't
have a good time unless he's with a girl.

Oh, there will be no difficulty.

Hey, great.

Now there's Chip, my other brother.

Oh, yes, he's younger than Robbie.

Thirteen, and he's trying to get on the
swimming team, only he's worried he's not

getting in enough exercise and practice
while he's in Washington.

Ah, the young son of a friend.

He's on vacation from the École Médaillée of
Paris, where he is the captain of the team of football.

That sounds pretty good.

Now there's my Uncle Charley.

Yes, Uncle Charley.

He's worried about if he left the coffee pot on at home.

I don't think he is really.

I guess he just misses cooking and being in the kitchen.

Perhaps tonight at the embassy he would be interested
in seeing our kitchen and talking to our cordon bleu chefs.

Well, that's a good idea.

Whatever it is.

Oh, then the whole family is made happy, huh?

Well, I'll accept my father.

Of course, your father.

Well, what can we do for him?

Well, he was talking about some
man in Washington called Mr.

McGivney, how he kept missing
him the last time he was here.

That would be Paul McGivney, perhaps.

That's him.

Dad said meeting him was all he needed.

So if we could get him to see Dad tonight,
that would take care of everything.

That would take care of everything for everybody.

Yes.

Bonjour.

Monsieur, I'm looking for the Douglas family.

Come on in.

I'm Robbie Douglas, and this is my brother Chip.

Bonjour.

I am Janine Perrier.

My father is the naval attache of the embassy.

I'm supposed to show you the city.

Oh, fine.

And this is Raoul Lamartine.

Are you the guy that plays football?

He says that he does not speak English, but the
ambassador says the language of sport is universal.

Oh, yeah.

You mean I got to spend the whole afternoon
with somebody that doesn't even speak English?

It will be the same for him.

He will be spending the whole afternoon
with someone who does not speak French.

If you are ready, I will show you the city.

Okay.

Good luck.

If you say so.

Whatever it is you said.

The Washington Monument is the tallest
structure in the city.

It has the shape of the obelisks of
ancient Egypt, but is several times larger.

It was built at a total cost of about $1,500,000.

Well, uh, that's a lot of monuments.

Voici le parc.

Sure.

Je viens courir ici chaque jour au profit des poumons.

If you say so.

Il faut maintenir la mise bien dure,
soit en agence, soit en jouant au football.

Why not?

Allons-y.

Venez courir.

Oh, oh yeah.

The outside of the Supreme Court building
is pure white marble.

Each of the bronze doors weighs six and a half tons.

Oh, uh, that's a lot of door.

Boy, all that running was great.

I ought to really get my legs in shape for swimming.

Regardez.

Hey, the Washington Monument.

You mean go up to the top?

How?

By elevator?

Escalier.

Oh, wow.

This was known as before Lafayette in 1824.

The Cannon that General Jackson captured
was melted down and cast into that statue.

Boy, that's a lot of cannons.

.

.

We can now go to the Lincoln Memorial, if you wish.

Why don't we sit down for a minute?

Anything you like.

You know, I didn't mean to be a wise guy or anything.

I guess I just sort of...

Well, Washington is an exciting city, but
sometimes a guy really doesn't want to go sightseeing.

You know, this was just arranged for me.

For me also.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I never thought of that.

The Lincoln Memorial is 188 feet long and


I've always thought Mr. Lincoln looked quite lonely.

He does at that.

I guess everybody gets lonely once in a while.

I shall be a little, perhaps, when I leave Washington.

You're leaving?

Oh, oui.

My father has been transferred with the ambassador.

We leave for Paris in a few weeks.

Well, I guess you've made a lot of friends here.

Met a lot of guys.

Guys?

Boys, you know.

You are the first American boy I have ever been with.

Alone.

You're kidding.

You're not that... I mean, don't you ever go on dates?

There is a boy back home.

He studies medicine at the Sorbonne now.

There is an understanding between our families.

I think this is different with young people here.

Yeah, yeah, here our families let us make our own mistakes.

Well, I have a girl, I think.

I would imagine that you would have many girls.

Well, from time to time.

If you're as tired as I am, Jeannine,
why don't we skip the cherry blossoms?

Why not, Robbie?

As you say, the cherry blossoms are just a
lot of cherry blossoms.

I forgot about you.

Oh, well.

You know that fella you never see when
you're in Washington?

Well, the ambassador knows him, and
I got him to invite him to the embassy.

Invite him?

Invite who, Ernie?

You know, your friend, Mr. McKinney.

You mean he's going to be at the embassy tonight?

Yep, and the ambassador promised he'd put him right across
the table from you, so you couldn't miss him this time.

That was very nice of you, Ernie.

I just wanted to take care of everybody.

Make yourself at home, please.

That's a nice shindig you're giving out
there, Mr. Ambassador.

Thank you, Mr. O'Casey.

Ernie, why don't you sit here?

You're the guest of honor.

Thanks, Dad.

I have been looking forward so much to
talking with you informally.

Well, we want to thank you for your
hospitality, Mr. Ambassador.

Our pleasure.

We are saying you are very welcome to
Ernie's delightful thank you letter.

Mr. Ambassador, this may be an
undiplomatic question, but, well,

a note from the embassy is the most Ernie
could have expected in answer to his letter.

There must have been some special reason
for this invitation.

I wanted to meet the boy who wrote that beautiful letter.

And even more so, I wanted to meet his family.

Perhaps you might call it a whim,
but now I am very glad that I heeded it.

You mean we're sort of like ambassadors
from our country to your country?

Exactly.

And I hope that in the next two days, we will
see each other enough to become good friends.

Wonderful.

Hey, Dad.

That guy's wearing a dog license around
his neck just like Tramps.

Hey, that's Rahul.

I didn't know he was going to be here tonight.

Excuse me.

Oh, merci.

Beaucoup.

You are hungry after the sightseeing, Robbie?

Janine, I didn't recognize you.

You look so, uh, so French.

I hope that is a compliment.

Oh, you bet it is.

Well, uh, this is my father and my Uncle
Charley and my brother Ernie, Janine Perrier.

How do you do?

Bonsoir.

Pleased to meet you, mademoiselle.

Enchanté, monsieur.

Janine, do you have time to take me on a
sightseeing tour through the embassy?

I would be happy to.

And the rest of your family also.

Oh, that would be nice.

I don't think they're much for looking at embassies.

Please excuse us.

Now, there's the answer to our
international problem, Charlie.

Teenage ambassadors.

Oh, excuse me.

There's a man I just must see.

Uh, fellas, why don't we go over here?

Steve Douglas, I finally caught up with you.

Well, hello, Paul.

Paul, this is part of my family.

This is Uncle Charley and my son Ernie.

Fellas, this is Mr. McGivney.

What's the matter with you these days, Steve?

I tried all last week to get in touch with you.

Aren't you fellas interested in making money?

Well, I've been kind of tied up, Paul.

And you figured I was trying to promote something.

Well, no, no, not exactly.

Oh, Steve, I don't blame you.

I've been mixed up in some empty ones.

But I've been authorized to offer your company a
firm contract to modify some French commercial aircraft.

And the sky's just about the limit on funds.

Is that so?

Interested?

Well, yes, of course.

Good!

When can we talk?

Oh, why don't we talk right now?

Excuse us, Father.

Boy, I wish they'd stop passing around the
little stuff and bring out the big pieces.

I wonder where the kitchen is.

If you just weren't going back to Paris.

But you are going back to Bryant Park.

I know.

I just don't like having to say goodbye to beautiful women.

In France, we do not talk about goodbye until it is time.

That way we can enjoy the moment to the
very last instant of parting.

And we still have two more days before you go home.

Yeah, that's right.

Viva la two days.

Oh, Robbie, you are so continental.

Try this on your coat on blue.

Oh, good evening, family.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

You want your seat?

Oh, here we are, Rob.

I'll sit over there.

Dinner will be late tonight.

Uh, the ragout is still cooking.

Ragout?

That's French for stew.

No.

Are you fellas working on some special project?

We're writing letters to the president of France.

Oh?

To thank him for sending Lafayette over
during the Revolutionary w*r.

We want to get invited to Paris.

Well, it sounds like a great idea, fellas,
but, uh, I doubt very much if it's going to work.

Well, it wasn't our idea.

It was Rob's.

It was really a great trip.

Thanks again, Ernie.

She and I were glad to do it.

She?

You know.

Oh, of course, the Starship Liberty.

Not yet.

Yeah, yeah.