06x19 - Steve and the Huntress

[bunniefuu]

I.

Think so.

Come on, let's get out of here.

What did I think of what could have happened?

Boy, that guy sure was going fast.

Hey, aren't you Terry Wong, Ray's cousin
from San Francisco?

Right.

Robbie.

Douglas, we met at the Chinese New Year's party.

Of course.

You played the guitar.

Yeah, and you were singing Auld Lang Syne in Chinese.

With a Scottish accent.

Well, what happened?

We were going to see each other on campus.

Well, it's a pretty big campus.

I guess we sort of got lost.

Are you sure you're okay?

Oh, impact.

Just hit me.

If you hadn't pushed me away...

Well, listen, can I drive you somewhere?

I'd appreciate it.

I was on my way to the door.

Well, my car's right over here.

Oh.

Steve, come in.

How are you?

Fine, Alice.

Alice, you haven't met our honorable youngest son.

Ernie, this is Mrs. Wong.

Hi.

Welcome, youngest son of an honored father
to our unworthy dwelling.

Go right in.

I'll take your hat, Steve.

Thank you.

Please make yourself at home.

I'll tell Ray you're here.

Fine, Alice.

Uh, Steve, can you and Ernie stay for tea and moon cakes?

Oh, we certainly can.

Uh, picking up the blueprints was just an excuse.

Splendid.

Dad?

What are moon cakes?

Oh, they're Chinese cookie, uh, for festivals, uh,
usually made of, uh, mashed beans and sugar, I think.

Yeah.

Oh, they're good.

Robbie, it's an old Chinese custom.

If you save somebody's life, that life
belongs to you from then on.

No kidding.

Well, how do you figure that?

It's very logical.

Like just now.

Except for your bravery, I would have no life.

Well, how about that?

And according to the old custom, you're my sl*ve.

Exactly.

My life is yours to command.

Okay.

Then I hereby command you to have a
milkshake with me before I take you to the door.

I vouch for your every whistle, Master.

Hi, Steve.

Hello, Ray.

Here are the blueprints.

Oh, thank you.

Hello, Ernie.

Okay, Ernie, I think that'll do it.

Ernie, your presence here enriches us all,
for it is written, the quality of a house

can be judged by the character of the guests who honor it.

Let's go all the way.

Follow me, huh?

See how you like these.

Look at that.

Go ahead, Ernie, put them on.

Remember, it's the clothes that make the Mandarin.

Here, just sleep.

Gee, thanks.

Maybe a change of clothes will change my luck.

Oh?

Having a run of bad luck, Ernie?

I sure am.

It's m*rder.

Well, how have you been unlucky, Ernie?

Financial reverses?

Roulette losses?

Or an affair of the heart, maybe?

Well, Ray, among other things, he's
having a little trouble with baseball lately.

He hasn't gotten a hit the last eight times at bat.

And I lost 63 cents in a hole in my pocket.

And today at school, the teacher moved me
next to Verna Mae Rittenhouse.

Yeah!

Well, at least, Ernie, Verna Mae Rittenhouse will be
sitting next to the only Chinese emperor in the class.

Well, gentlemen, here we are.

Oh, fine, Alice.

For your thirst, I offer tea or milk.

For your hunger, my special moon cakes to
honor the moon festival.

Dad, I don't see any mashed beans.

They're also stuffed with cinnamon,
dates, almonds, orange, pure, and sugar.

Hey, it's pretty good.

Ernie, we Chinese don't rely on lucky robes or
horseshoes or four-leaf clovers, not even a rabbit's foot.

What do you use for luck?

This, our only surefire guarantee good luck charm.

What is it?

Just listen.

It's Lucky Louie singing your bad luck away.

Sounds like a cricket.

Right.

A genuine lucky Chinese cricket.

Named Louie?

Well, he's Chinese-American, but he's yours.

Dad, didn't Uncle Charley mind?

Oh, I'm sure he wouldn't mind, Ernie.

Sounds like a perfect pet to me.

Clean, cheerful, and neat.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Wilk, for all this neat junk.

Well, Ray, after all these gifts,
I'm sure Ernie's luck has changed already.

Milk in the pitcher and sweet rolls on the table.

Or by the way you're dressed, maybe you're
expecting rice wine and egg foo young?

He who sees humor in simple things, then thinks it's life.

Yeah?

Well, he who quotes Chinese proverbs
before breakfast shortens his.

Pernable Uncle, how about breakfast?

I've got breakfast for Louie.

Who's Louie?

Lucky Louie, the famous Oriental cricket.

Another mouth to feed.

Boy, what a big mouth.

I never thought I'd get to sleep last night.

He doesn't make the noise with his mouth.

He rubs his legs together.

Yeah, well, tonight he's rubbing them someplace else.

Actually, it's a mating call.

The male cricket trying to attract a female.

What kind of talk is that?

At your age.

Running a little late today?

Yeah, boy, I need a valet, someone to put
me together in the morning.

Like a Jigsaw puzzle.

You just need to pile out the first time I call you.

An inch of time on the sundial is of
greater worth than ten inches of Jade.

Confucius Jr. Now our Ray Wongs,
he's more Chinese than Charlie Chan.

Most humble self shall answer door.

Louie thinks that sweet roll's a female cricket.

Hi.

Well, hi, Terry.

Terry, you remember my Uncle Charley?

This is Terry Wong, my brother's Chip and Ernie.

Hello.

Hi.

Oh, please sit down.

Am I too early?

Too early for what?

To begin my duties.

What duties?

Fate has decreed that I must serve Robbie.

Your books?

Whenever you're ready, master.

Oh, yeah.

For a moment, I didn't know what was going on there.

The old Chinese custom.

Here, now I get it.

Yeah?

Well, I don't.

It's very simple.

Yesterday, Robbie saved my life.

By Chinese custom, my life is his.

I have no choice.

I wanted a valet.

I got a sl*ve girl.

Great.

Let's go, sir.

You must go first, master.

Oh.

Hi, how are you?

Would you like to take my place?

Very kind of you.

Be my guest.

Thank you.

Where does he get off?

I beg your pardon?

We let you move ahead because...
Because your most gracious gentleman and

this humble servant would like to
thank you for herself and for her master.

Master?

Douglas, how do you rate this kind of service?

It's an old Chinese custom.

Must be some kind of an initiation.

What club?

I don't know.

I'd like to join you.

Terry, it was a real blast today.

If you ever need reference as a sl*ve
girl, you can count on me.

I'm sorry it's all over.

Over?

It has just begun.

I have resigned myself to my new life.

Come on now, Terry.

Can I drop you off somewhere?

No, master.

I go with you.

I know, but seriously, do you want me to
drop you off at the dorm?

Your destination is mine.

Terry, it's okay.

Believe me.

I free you.

From now on, your life's your own.

But I have to go to the barbershop.

You don't want to hang around there waiting for me.

If it is written, then it is written.

We go to the barbershop.

But after that, our bowling team is having a
practice, and we agreed strictly stag, and no dates.

Date?

I will be there to serve you.

Robbie, would you want to show disrespect
for the customs of my people?

Greetings, Honorable Father.

Well, greetings, youngest son of our ancient family,
and greetings to you, Lucky Louie, number one cricket.

Boy, Mr. Wong was sure right about Louie.

One day, my luck's changed.

Well, you must be a real swinging cricket, huh?

Yeah.

I found my lost 63 cents.

It was in my other pants.

I hit a two-backer, even if I was left on base.

And Verna Mae Rittenhouse was absent today.

Well, Lucky Louie made a clean sweep.

Yeah.

Dad, I've been reading Mrs. Wong's book on
Chinese proverbs.

Huh?

Say, Ernie, if you don't mind, I've got a
problem here I'd like to try to solve before dinner.

Diligence and thrift are roots of wealth and honor.

Well, I'm relieved to hear that.

The Chinese have an answer for everything.

Oh, I see.

Hey, Dad.

Oh, hi, Rob.

I'll see you at dinner, huh?

Well, Dad, we have to talk before dinner.

Rob, I'm sorry, but I've got a problem here.

I've kind of hung up, and I can't figure
out why I'm losing my equilibrium.

Well, Dad, there's this girl.

Oh, of course.

She's Ray Wong's cousin, Terry Wong.

She says from now on her life belongs to me.

She's my sl*ve.

She's your sl*ve?

Well, why on earth would she say that?

Something like that.

Well, I only did what any guy would do
under the circumstances.

Rob.

And then afterwards, even with all that
talk about fate and customs and

responsibility, I thought she was just kidding.

Maybe you'd better tell me exactly what happened.

Well, there was this truck barreling right for her,
so naturally I just ran out and pushed her clear.

It was a reflex action.

Oh, you mean you saved her life?

Well, I guess.

Oh, and because of that, she says she's your sl*ve now.

Yeah, boy, you should have seen her at the barbershop
and then with all those guys at the bowling alley.

Well, have you tried telling her that you're
just not in the market for a sl*ve girl right now?

Well, not right out.

I went along with the gag.

At first, I thought it was fun,
but Dad is getting out of hand.

Oh, I'm sure she's just having fun with you, Rob.

I mean, I'm sure she's as tired of the
game by now as you are.

I don't think so, Dad.

She's talking about tomorrow and next week
and even after college.

And right now she's downstairs setting the
table for dinner.

Oh, yes?

Master, perhaps a little more?

No, thanks.

I don't seem to be very hungry.

I do.

Thanks, Miss Wong.

Isn't it about time you sat down with us, Miss Wong?

You're most kind, but my place is here.

You know, Terry, what worked in 14th century China
may be a little awkward in 20th century Bryant Park.

Honorable father of my master, I am contented with my lot.

Honorable father of my master, what is the hour?

Oh, that's me.

It's 7.25.

It grows late, master.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it grows very late.

Dad, may we be excused?

I want to take Terry back to the dorm.

Yes, of course.

Thanks.

Hasn't she heard about Abraham Lincoln?

Yes, I'm sure she has, Charlie.

I think she likes Robbie and is using this
old Chinese custom that is a gimmick.

It is written, in the moonlight,
a sl*ve girl becomes a woman.

What does that mean?

Who knows?

It is also written, pretty girls become the sl*ves of
men in order to turn men into sl*ves of same pretty girls.

Confucius?

Steve Douglas.

Is your soda okay, Ruth Maidens?

Oh, fine.

Well, I just wanted to know that I really appreciate
your being so understanding about me being late tonight.

That's all right, Robbie.

It wasn't your fault.

Well, it's just that a lot of girls wouldn't
have taken it the way that you did.

Would you like something else?

No, thank you.

Robbie, let's go.

Ruth Maynard is... Please.

I guess I'm just not as understanding as you thought I was.

Chinese customer, no Chinese customer.

There's just one girl too many around here.

Oh, hi, Rob.

Oh, hi.

Oh, boy.

How I don't know.

Problems?

One old Chinese problem.

How do I get loose?

Is it still going on?

Yeah.

Well, Rob, I think you've been polite
about this thing long enough.

Why don't you just tell her enough's enough?

I tried to, Dad.

I told her that this was no way to make
friends with an American teenager,

even if it did used to be a big deal in Peking.

No effect at all.

She just smiled and bowed and showed up anyway.

Dad, I need help.

Well, Rob, I guess it's time to consult an expert.

First thing in the morning, I'll call Ray Wong and ask
him how they got rid of sl*ve girls in the old country.

Okay.

Thanks, Ted.

Okay.

Hi, Steve.

Hello, Ray.

Hi, Robbie.

Hi, Ray.

Didn't Terry come with you?

Yeah, naturally.

She's out parking the car.

Just any sl*ve girl should.

Good.

This is something of a ceremonial gathering.

We'd appreciate it if you would all wear
our festival robes.

Please take off your jackets.

Alice.

How nice to see you all again.

Uncle Charley.

Thank you.

Well, what color do I get?

Rose, huh?

Hi, Alice.

Ray.

Oh, I'll take Robbie's.

No, I can manage.

I must do my duty.

It is written, east is east and west is west.

And when the robe is too small, never the twain shall meet.

Please let me introduce you to my relatives.

All right.

Thank you.

Just a minute, Terry.

But I have to go with Robbie.

I know all about the old customs,
but tonight there's an even older custom.

Respect for your elder.

What elder?

Grandfather Wong.

Grandfather Wong is here?

Tonight?

Yes, and he has asked to see you alone.

Do I have to?

Of course, he's waiting for you in the den.

Why, a girl who respects the old customs
would not even ask.

The wish of Grandfather Wong would be your command.

But I'm afraid of him.

I always have been.

He's so, so old.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

If you have really returned to the old customs.

Oh, I have.

I really have.

Tell Grandfather Wong.

Oh, Alice, I was just telling Uncle Lee Wong and Aunt May
how different things were when Grandfather first came over.

I feel a little like Marco Polo.

I don't know how you do it, Ray, but somehow
you managed to keep the best of two worlds.

Thank you, Steve.

Uncle Charley?

Honored Grandfather, this is your granddaughter, Terry.

How might it?

Honorable Grandfather, I regret I cannot
understand what you say.

One who venerates our ancient custom yet does
not know the language in which they are written?

Come closer.

I think you do not observe the old ways out of veneration.

I think in your heart you mock those who have gone before.

No, Grandfather.

The language you speak is of a new and different world.

Have you no respect for our old ways?

I do respect them, Grandfather.

You use them to serve in the foolish
pursuit of a young man.

Is this not so?

Yes, Grandfather.

What you have done is unworthy of you,
of the House of Wong.

You have caused us to lose face with the Douglas family.

Oh, I'm sorry, Grandfather, and ashamed.

I am proud of our past, of our family,
and I want you to be proud of me.

It is well spoken, and the words come from the heart.

Bring this young man to us so that we may ask
his pardon and restore the honor of our family.

Oh, uh, no thanks.

Relax, Rob.

Boy, Dad, I'm free and jumpy when she isn't.

I don't know what... Grandfather Wong tells me the
Chinese kids never really lose their awe of the old ones.

Robbie?

Please come with me.

Grandfather Wong wishes to speak to you.

I'll, uh, see you later, Rob.

Ray, it looks like our sl*ve girl has had it.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm?

Steve, Grandfather Wong can be very impressive.

I still remember her a couple of times.

He straightened me out.

Mr. Wong, would you get sore if I gave Louie a new name?

Ernie would like to drop the Lucky from Lucky Louie.

You mean Louie let you down?

Yes, sir.

I had to give Chip the 63 cents I found so he could buy new

batteries because I accidentally
left his transistor radio on.

And uh today at baseball practice he
didn't get a hit and he made three errors

in one inning and at school Verna Mae
Rittenhouse is back and Edna Lou Talbot

sits on the other side of me wow that
won't do say how about unlucky Louie no I

think maybe just plain Louie go ahead Ernie he's a Chinese
cricket and doesn't understand how to play English anyway.

Dad?

Well, here comes Robbie looking very contented.

Excuse us, Cousin Ray.

Would you mind if we left a little early?

We?

Well, there's a frosh mixture at school, Dad.

Great combo, Noah and his animals.

But we're going to serve Chilean tamales later.

Well, if you don't mind, Mrs. Wong,
we'll get something on the run.

See you later.

See you later.

See you later.

Yeah.

Well, Rob was so relieved to get rid of
her that he asked her for a date.

Actually, yeah.

Ray, I wonder if your wise grandfather,
Wong, would explain teenagers to me sometime.

Sometime when he has a week or two free.