05x01 - Caribbean Cruise

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons.

Starring Fred MacMurray And as Bub, William
Frawley You fatheads want me out of the way, use a g*n.

And quit leaving this thing around the joint.

It's not mine, Bub.

Well, no matter whose it was, my bones are just as broken.

What's the idea of the Dagwoods?

We just ate 15 minutes ago.

Bub, it was a half hour ago.

Is Dad going to New York?

Who knows?

He's on the phone talking to somebody named Carolina.

Well, sure, I'd like to go to the
Caribbean this time of the year, Joe, but.

...

Yeah, but not for this.

Hey, what's this about Dad going to the Caribbean?

What about Dad going to the Caribbean?

It's pretty simple to me.

Dad's going to fly to New York with
somebody from Carolina, and they're going

to end up in the Caribbean, wherever that is.

Wait a minute.

New York?

The S.S.

Carolina sails from New York, and they
have a Caribbean cruise.

Dad!

Hey, Dad, don't hang up!

What's with him?

Oh, Rob and some of his pals have been
trying to get a job on a cruise ship.

That's all they've been talking about for weeks.

You know how you do when you're a kid.

Well, with us, a trolley ride to the glue
works with a big deal.

Dad, are you going to go?

Uh, just...

Oh, come on, Joe.

Are you going to go, Dad?

You mean I just happened to be on the boat, and I happened
to run into this fella and try to sell him some air?

Dad, tell him you'll go.

Oh, I know it's done.

Rob, we just... Dad.

I know it's done every day, Joe,
but, oh, he'd catch on and... Dad.

Rob, can't you see I'm talking on the phone?

Excuse me, Joe.

I know, Dad, but you're talking about a
cruise and vacations coming up, and Mr.

Walters has his connections with this steamship company.

Maybe he can get me a job, you know,
scrubbing dishes, washing floors.

I mean, scrubbing floors, what?

Why don't you ask him anyway?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I'm sorry, Joe.

It's Robbie, and he's trying to say... Go.

Well, how could you understand what he said?

I'm his father, and I didn't understand it.

He wants a job in a boat, and you can get him a job.

Hey, thanks, Mr. Walters.

No, it's just a minute.

Hey, you guys, Dad and I are going on a Caribbean cruise.

Hey, come on.

It's just a minute.

I don't know about it.

Joe, where are you going?

Joe, where are you going?

Our.

Office was supposed to meet us here at the
g*ng, but I don't see him anywhere.

What's he look like?

Well, he's not quite as tall as he looks.

He has gray hair.

There's one.

Where?

Oh, he's gorgeous.

Oh, he is kind of stunning.

Oh, Steve.

Oh, here he is.

Hello, Ray.

I'm sorry I'm late, Steve.

This is New York traffic.

Got your tickets and all the rest?

Well, fine.

I'm glad you made it.

It would have been a short trip.

Ray, this is my son, Rob.

Oh, how do you do, Mr. Davis?

Now, the man you have to contact is Jordan Martin.

His government's in the market for 200 planes,
which is even more expensive than the one you have.

He's even better than we thought.

I know, Ray.

Joe briefed me on the whole thing.

Oh, good.

Well, I've made arrangements for you to sit near his table.

I figured the same table would be too
obvious and play it by ear.

Well, I've got to get back to the office.

Bon voyage and all that sort of jazz.

Good to meet you, Mr. Davis.

Goodbye.

I don't know.

This whole thing just doesn't seem right.

Dad, quit worrying.

I mean, you're not doing anything really wrong.

It's just one of those deals, one of those
borderline cases.

Well, anyway, I'm going to level with this
Jordan Martin right off the bat.

Come on, let's get him.

Hey, Dad, why don't you get a shot of me
as I'm going up the gangplank?

Okay.

Why don't you stand right about there?

All right.

Now, all you have to do is aim this and press right here.

Now, if you want to focus, you just focus.

Rob, I've taken stab shots before.

Dad, this is a movie camera.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

Now, be careful with it.

I borrowed it from Cynthia Leflin's father's boss.

I'll be careful.

Okay?

Okay.

Got me the lens?

Go.

Hi.

Hi.

May I see your ticket?

Oh, I don't need one.

I work here.

Uh, what's the matter?

He boards from the after gangway.

You should have been aboard early this morning.

Oh, well, we didn't know that.

You together?

Yes, we are.

The after gangway is just... I am a passenger.

He's a crew.

Here, Dad.

So long.

Well, now, wait a minute, Rob.

When will I see you?

It depends on what they give me to do.

Get some interesting shots, like girls in bathing suits.

All right, I'll do that.

Uh, here's my ticket.

Stephen Douglas.

Stephen Douglas.

Pleasant boys, Mr. Douglas.

Right here.

You spoiled my picture.

I'm, uh... I'm sorry, wherever you are.

We're.

Playing deck tennis.

Look, girls, it's much sunnier than when we were sitting.

Oh, yeah, may I borrow the suntan?

What?

Goodness.

I see you're reading Stress and Torque.

Uh, yes.

I couldn't put it down.

Such insight.

Such involvement.

Well, that's one way.

Are you a scientist?

No.

I'm a widow.

Attention, please.

Attention.

This is the person speaking.

If you read the instructions in your cabin correctly... Is.

Anything wrong, sir?

Oh, one of these strings seems to be
caught up through the armhole here.

Well, let me help you.

Well, I don't think it's necessary to tie them.

It's just a drill.

Oh, but you're wrong, sir.

That's one of the rules.

You absolutely have to let me see the
things I'm supposed to prove.

And I know all of them.

I know all of that stuff.

Well, no, this one is very important.

The middle one, you see, has to be tied at all times.

I'm sorry, but I think you caught my hand.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yes, but I could tie them.

No, that's not... Gee, imagine, if we were in
a shipwreck, we'd all be on the same lifeboat.

Well, I certainly hope nothing like that.

How can Natha know?

We're all going to get very well
acquainted while we're at it.

Yeah, I've read a great deal about it.

Oh, thanks.

There, sir, this is table 22.

Ladies, this is Mr. Douglas.

Oh, hello.

Hi.

Pleased to meet you.

Excuse me.

That's all right.

Here, look at you.

Yeah, isn't this neat?

A couple of the guys got seasick,
so they're using me as a waiter.

Well, I don't mean as neat they got seasick.

No, ma'am, I believe your tables are 18 and 19.

Look.

I'm sorry, Mr. Douglas, he's new aboard.

I will see that he doesn't bother you.

Oh, he's no bother.

Did that waiter call you dad?

Yes, I'm his father.

He wanted to work while he was on the cruise.

What did your wife say about that?

My, uh, oh, well, I'm not, uh, I mean, I'm a widower.

My name's Geraldine.

My friend's called me Carrie.

I'm so happy to meet you.

My name is Claudia.

It'd be.

Them at table 24, right next to the table
with the pretty lady and the three men.

That looks very attractive, Charlie.

I don't know where these boys come from.

Anything to wine you.

Oh, yeah.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Are you the Martins?

I believe you have the goulash, Mr. Martin.

Well, it's just terrific.

I dipped a roll into it in the kitchen.

Delicious.

Charlie, that's later talk.

Yeah, I know.

Well, you won't see anything in Curacao at all.

Oh, that's okay.

There'll be plenty of other islands.

Just get some good shots.

Well, okay.

I'll see you.

Oh, Dad, why don't you get a few feet of me here?

All right.

You guys hear the story about the farm or
the rhubarb patch?

That's a hot f*cking thing.

Yeah, but maybe we'd better wait till we
know Lois a little better.

Mike, Chip, hi.

Okay.

Well, I'll see you.

Yeah, have a good time.

Morning, folks.

Hope you're enjoying yourselves.

Oh, Mr. Martin.

Well, you did it again.

Captain Thomason requests all passengers
to get into the spirit of the evening.

Put on your costumes as quickly as possible after dinner.

There will be prizes for the most original,
the funniest, as well as the loveliest costumes.

All passengers in the grand parade will
assemble in the card room before the march.

Please be prompt.

Let joy be the order of the night.

Thank you.

We've got our costumes all planned.

Oh, good.

I certainly hope that yours fits, Steve.

Mine?

Well, I haven't planned them.

I mean, I don't have a costume.

Oh, but it's all made.

My costume is made?

It's a surprise.

We sort of measured you by ear.

It took us days to finish it.

Oh.

Well, it was awfully nice.

Some of you girls go to all that trouble, but
I really don't think I'll... Really, I'd rather not.

Are you kidding, baby?

With your figure in class, we ought to cop first prize.

Why don't you just relax and leave everything to us?

You heard what the Joker said.

Get into the spirit of the thing.

Well, we'll see.

Mm-hmm.

Come back, darling.

We've got to be the best of the year.

Wait, wait, wait.

I think we're getting first prize.

I know we'll get first prize.

Now, you know no one else.

And you'll be a star of the year.

Don't tell me we've got to get first prize.

Mr. Martin, I'm sorry to bother you,
but I'd like to talk to you.

Now, it doesn't have to be now,
but any time at your convenience.

Oh, and by the way, my name is Steve Douglas.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Now, I'm sure you have an idea what I want
to talk to you about.

It's about aircraft.

I've designed something for my company.

They feel your country would be interesting.

How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

Dad, Dad, I just found something out.

Carlotta just told me that her father
doesn't speak English.

The only thing he can say is... How do you do?

How do you do?

I don't do very well.

All right, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, as soon as everybody is here,
we'll begin the grand march.

Now, please, please don't feel self-conscious.

Judges realize that your costumes were
made out of odds and ends, so just

remember it's all in the spirit of the cruise, all right?

Well, here we are.

Oh, Charley!

What?

Cleo Catman.

I look pretty silly.

All right, now let's start the grand march.

He.

Says, Cat, I know you use three steeds,
you're going to have to go in there by yourself.

Well, how can we get Mark out of these horses without Mark?

Well, look at it this way, it's after the battle and you're
entering Rome pulling Mark out in his empty chariot.

I think that's pretty dramatic.

Oh, I like it.

I like it.

Do you still think that we could win first prize?

If we do, we'll still split it four ways.

We'd better get out of those wet clothes.

Yes, I intend to.

Yeah, you might catch cold.

We don't want to lose you.

No.

You're sure you're all right?

Yes, I'm fine.

I'm just wet, that's all.

Hail, Mark Antony.

Well, greetings, Cleo.

I, um, I understand that you took a
dunking in one of Caesar's fountains.

Yes, I, uh, lost my balance and fell out of my chariot.

I, uh, changed into my dry toe-gats.

What do you think you save out here?

Hmm, I don't know.

Those three chariot horses of mine seem to
have some bloodhound in them.

Well, those three, um, Egyptian sl*ves
of the... Mine are pure bloodhound.

I shouldn't really say that.

They're actually very nice.

Pardon us for intruding.

I think you should know that at our table,
you are known as that woman.

Oh.

Well, my three refer to you as lover boy.

Oh.

They've even warned me about
tall men who are so self-centered,

they've not allowed themselves
to get thick around the middle.

The girls just wonder how glamorous you'd
really look if you had to stand in front

of a class of adolescents like they do every year.

Well, one thing I've learned about a cruise,
teachers take them, and we deserve them.

You mean you're a teacher?

Yes.

Well, what do you teach?

Social economics and romance languages.

Well.

I love it.

Hey, Dad.

Oh, hi, Rob.

Hi.

Those ladies said you were out here with,
well, anyway, they said you were out.

Oh, so you said.

This is Miss, uh... Wilson.

Lois Wilson.

It's Lois Wilson.

This is my son, Robbie.

Oh, how do you do?

How do you do, Miss Wilson?

This is Carlotta Martin.

How do you do, Miss Martin?

How do you do, Mr. Douglas?

Actually, it's not Martin.

It's pronounced Martin.

Her father is Jordan Martin.

Oh.

Your father is Jordan Martin?

Si, senorita.

Usted conoce a mi papa?

La conozco muy bien.

Her father is a very important man in this country.

Oh, I, uh, sort of figured he was.

Dad, I asked Carlotta to tell her that you
wanted to talk to him.

Oh, uh, well, when?

Right now.

He's waiting for you.

Well, how can I talk to him?

He doesn't speak English, and I can't speak Spanish.

Well, Miss Wilson couldn't be your interpreter.

Well, I couldn't very well ask her to.

Ask her.

But this is a business deal.

Fine.

So I'll be brushing up on economics and
Spanish at the very same time.

Well, okay.

Let's go.

His table is near the bandstand.

Why aren't you coming along?

Well, I thought I'd mess around here and
explain the tide and things to Carlotta.

Oh, I see.

Well, I'll see you later.

You know, Carlotta, for a man his age,
my father is very hip.

I think it is.

Just about 12 O'clock.

Or as we sailors say, eight bells.

Nine more hours and we'll dock in New York.

Then for me, it's back to Sioux Falls and my classroom.

And for me, it's back to Bryant Park and my drawing board.

Thank you for making this a wonderful cruise.

Pleasure was mine.

I'm just glad you were aboard.

Oh, I wish this ship would sail all the way to Sioux Falls.

Would you mind putting me ashore at Bryant
Park when you go through?

No, no, no, I didn't mean that.

I mean, I wish...

I wish this night wouldn't end.

But they usually do, don't they?

Yes, they do.

I love to.

Out here.

That's me in Curacao.

It's a place in the Dutch West Indies.

They speak Dutch and English and Spanish
all mixed up together.

You'd think you were in Holland.

It's really something.

I bet you said you never went ashore.

Well, Dad told me about it.

Oh.

Don't tell me that was another one of your night shots.

I think that's where I forgot to take the
lens cam off, Bob.

Hey, Dad, you never told us.

Did Jordan Martin buy the planes?

Well, he hasn't signed the contract yet,
Mike, but the deal's pretty well set.

Well, that's Kingston, isn't it?

No, that's Port-au-Prince.

That's funny.

I'd have sworn it was Kingston.

Well, I'm getting seashells.

I don't blame you.

Now, wait a minute.

Don't tell me.

Don't tell me.

Let me guess.

Japan.

Japan.

Now, there are those ladies that sat at Dad's table again.

How could you eat?

Oh, they were, uh, they were nice, Bub.

Well, that's it.

That was a pretty good movie.

Didn't you even get a show or what?

Well, these two guys kept
getting seasick, so I, uh... Well, no.

I don't see how you two guys could have any fun.

Rob was always working, and Steve always
had his three bodyguards around.

Bub, we had a pretty neat time.

We sure did.

We didn't photograph everything, you know.