04x20 - The Chaperone

[bunniefuu]

I could make a good
chaperone, but he's upstairs studying.

Yeah.

I don't know, Betty.

Chepetto, take your puppets off my newspaper.

Betty, I've got it.

Bub.

Yeah.

All right, see you late.

So long.

The answer is no.

Pardon me.

Come on, Bub, we need you.

It's a meeting to tell Betty what kind of a
party she should give herself for her birthday.

How about a birthday party?

What happens if you don't get a chaperone, Rob?

Oh, her mother won't let us meet there, then.

She's kind of peculiar.

Why doesn't she chaperone?

Oh, she's got to go to some class on child study.

Why doesn't she stay home and study teenagers?

I'm not going to waste a whole evening teenage sitting.

I wish I could help you out, Rob, but I just can't.

Good luck.

See you, Dad.

So long.

So long.

Bub, I'd do it for you.

Fine.

When I need a chaperone, we'll make a deal.

Okay, I guess I'll just have to invite the g*ng over here.

Oh, no, you don't.

Good, I'll get your coat.

This is blackmail.

Chaperone.

Now, you two be in bed by 9 O'clock.

That hamburger out there is for lunch tomorrow.

Sure, Bub.

tr*mp's lunch.

Bye, Mr. O'Casey.

See you later, you guys.

Chaperone.

What's a chaperone?

Someone who stops the girls from bothering the boys.

Are we old enough to have one?

We were old enough the day we were born.

Want some hamburger?

Yeah.

Come on.

Is the party here?

No, this is where we pick up Ethel Bigsby.

It's her wigwam.

Who's she?

Oh, she's some squaw that Jimmy Burns is going steady with.

Why doesn't Jimmy Burns pick up his own squaws?

Because it's out of his way.

That figures.

What is this, National Horn Week?

I don't know, Bub.

I've got to let her know we're here.

Well, if she's a squaw, why don't you use smoke signal?

What is that?

That's Ethel.

I just wanted to make sure before I let her in the car.

Okay, let's cut.

Good evening.

Well, let's hope so.

Ethel, this is my grandfather, Bub O'Casey.

He's chaperoning tonight.

Oh, well, isn't that a gas?

It's just to make Betty's mom feel better
about not being home.

Here we go.

Well, this is it.

Nice home.

We like antique.

The.

Bashful busted right in, but we'll ring the bell.

Well, the door's always open.

All we have to do is walk in.

We'll ring the bell.

You know, the g*ng's probably way back in the den.

That means Betty'd have to get up and walk through
the kitchen, the dining room, living room, and two houses.

Always just to open a door that's already open.

But between us, we'll carry her right back to the den.

Yeah, quit leaning on the bell.

This Bob?

Yeah, Bub, O'Casey.

Bub, this is Betty McIver.

How do you do?

Fall in.

Mom said you could use her room upstairs.

It's the first door to the left.

It's got TV, radio, magazines, and you'd
better shut the door so our noise won't bother you.

Yeah.

Well, I'm supposed to chaperone.

Doesn't he get the idea, Rob?

Bub, it was like I was saying.

You don't have to do a thing.

Well, is it okay if I just meet the g*ng first?

Sure.

They're a funny-looking group at that.

Battle station!

Hi, everybody.

Hiya, Robbie.

What do you say?

Hey, why don't you play this one?

How come you didn't drop funny face off sooner?

She wouldn't come out of her wigwam.

Oh, hey, uh, nature boy, why don't you
give out with that little fanfare?

Ladies and gentlemen, step right up and
see this rare specimen out of the past,

a real live chaperone, Mr. Bub O'Casey.

Boo!

That's just what we need, a chaperone.

Bub, you want to go up and watch TV now?

Oh, yes, and if you want some snacks, just help yourself.

The kitchen's loaded.

And there's always a telephone.

Yeah, come on, Bub.

Hey, I don't think you kids are doing that sofa any good.

I thought we were going to have a chaperone, not a sheriff.

I said, get your big fat feet off that sofa.

Getting a little stuck.

Nothing in here.

How about making it over to my shack?

Why not?

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Hey, that was a great party, Betty.

Thanks for nothing, Robbie.

Her old lady could have practiced a little
child study right here.

Let's go home, Bub.

Good.

Night, Dad.

Good night.

Well, you're back already, huh, Bub?

Yeah.

I just got home myself.

How was the party?

Short.

Bub, besides being short, how was the party?

Well, it wasn't much.

Glass of milk, Steve?

No, thanks, Bub.

Thanks?

Now, there's a word I haven't heard all evening.

I have never seen such a display of bad
manners in all my life.

Oh?

Don't let those kids upset you, Bub.

It's just a stage they're going through.

You know, live it up.

Well, what's that got to do with manners?

I don't know.

It's kind of a universal defiance.

Well, I defy them ever to get me to chaperone again.

Good night.

Good night, Bub.

Mike, is Rob running around with a new group at school?

Well, apparently he likes this Betty McIver.

And from what I gather, she attracts the type
of characters who work overtime at being rebels.

I wouldn't worry about Rob, though.

He'll get over it.

He's just temporarily conforming.

Temporarily conforming, hmm?

Going to bed?

Yeah.

Wait a minute.

Did you say good night to Bub?

After what he did?

What did he do?

Well, he broke up the party just because it
wasn't like the ones they had in the 18th century.

Oh.

All right.

So we don't throw our coats down in the
mud for the girls to walk on, and so we

don't bow every time they stand up or open
car doors for them.

I mean, they want to be treated equal,
and that's the way we treat them.

I don't blame you for wanting to follow the groove, Rob.

After all, who wants to think for himself these days?

Someone might recognize you as an individual.

However, as long as you're a member of
this family, we do have a few 18th century

rules, like showing consideration to others.

Now, I suggest you go down and say goodnight to Bub.

I won't read a word of it to the group.

Now, go on.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, buddy.

Well, Bub, I'm supposed to be polite and say goodnight.

Goodnight.

Night.

I think they would have done a little
nicer job with that in the 18th century.

Dad, things are different today.

Yeah, but they're not necessarily better.

In Bub's day, for instance, a gentleman
asked permission to call on a girl.

Then he'd take her a box of candy, if she wasn't
on a diet, or maybe a bouquet of her favorite flowers.

And they'd have to know each other for quite a
while before he'd even dream of asking her for a kiss.

Dad, if I acted that way, Betty would
think I was sick or something.

Don't be too sure.

Manners may have changed.

But girls are still girls, and they,
they still like chivalry.

You try it sometime and see what I mean.

In those days, courtesy and respect for
your elders was important.

When a, when a young man asked a girl to go for a ride
in his buggy, he very often invited the mother to go along.

Why?

Well, probably to hold the horses while they spooned.

Spooned?

Hi, Mrs. McCarver.

Hello, Robbie.

I was wondering, is Betty in?

Of course you are not.

Did she get back?

I don't know.

Come on in.

Betty!

Betty!

Yeah?

Betty, there's somebody to see you.

Who is it?

Who are you?

Robbie Douglas.

Do I have my key?

What does he want?

Now, how do I know?

Betty, I'm off to the PTA.

Bye, Mrs. McCarver.

Bye.

Hold on, Kit.

What's up?

Well, I was just driving by and I thought
maybe you'd like these.

Flowers?

What for?

You've got to be kidding.

No, I'm not kidding.

I just thought maybe you'd like them.

What do you want from me?

Well, nothing.

I had kind of a neat idea for your birthday party.

Like what?

Well, I thought maybe a costume party.

You know, with hoops, skirts, and powder wigs.

Something to go with this house.

Groovy.

Well, I just wanted to see what you'd look
like all dressed up in silk and frills and stuff.

Can you just see me making the scene with the hoop skirts?

Yes, I could.

I.

Was wondering, is your fair daughter, Miss McIver, in?

Yes, of course.

Please come in and accept the hospitality of the house.

Thank you.

She's expecting me.

I had a message delivered by a mutual friend.

Betty will be down presently.

It's a warm day, isn't it?

Oh, yes, quite warm indeed.

Will you excuse me?

Good.

Day, Master Douglas.

For me?

Yes.

I thought you liked lilacs.

They're beautiful.

They, uh, they go with you.

That's a very romantic thought, Robbie.

I mean, Master Douglas.

You may call me Robbie.

You may call me Betty.

You know, it's a real nice day.

Would you like to go for a ride?

I'd be delighted.

I know mother would approve as long as she
could accompany us.

If we decide to park a... A... She can hold the horse.

Master Robbie.

Oh, we're just kidding.

I'll just be a moment while I fetch my
cape and put these lovely lilacs in water.

How do you do, Mrs. McIver?

Miss Betty?

Lady.

Hi.

How do you do, Mr. Douglas, Mr. O'Casey?

My, isn't that something?

First motor car in town.

Want to race in the schoolhouse, Rob?

Sure.

Don't you dare, Robbie Douglas.

I'm frightened.

Sorry, Chip.

The race is called off.

I wouldn't scare you, Betty.

Where's father?

Oh, he's over with Wilbur and Orville again.

Ours aren't fast enough.

Now they want to be birds.

Hey, Rob, listen to this.

I'm gone, mate.

Careful, Rob.

Whoa, whoa.

Good day.

See ya.

Oh, Robbie!

Robbie!

Wake up!

What's the matter?

You're havin' a nightmare?

That was no nightmare.

No nightmare.

You know, I, he actually brought me flowers.

Actually.

How ghastly.

Why, anyway, these are the weeds.

Your mom put them in water?

No, I did.

What for?

I don't know.

Betty, I know how to make the Friday night
blast into a real gasser.

How?

First, we'll invite Robbie's kooky
grandfather as chaperone again.

Then we'll tell Robbie the g*ng took another vote.

And decided on a costume party.

Hoops, skirts, and all.

Oh.

In these outfits, the kids will have to have manners.

I'm even afraid to take a deep breath.

They're here.

Come on.

Betty, Betty, they're here.

Hi.

Good evening.

Come on in.

What are you all dressed up for?

I thought this was going to be a costume party.

What?

Costume party?

Here tonight?

I get it.

Big joke.

Hope you guys think it's funny.

So that's the kind of a party it is, eh, Rob?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Bub.

It's no wonder you guys need a chaperone.

This is a real kid's trick.

You know, it's not as funny as I thought it'd be.

No.

Tell Betty she missed out on a real good laugh.

Come on, Bub, let's go.

Squire O'Casey, Master Robbie.

Hey, she's beautiful.

Why didn't I think of that?

How come, Betty?

Weren't you in on the joke?

Yes.

But the more I thought about the lilacs...

I'm sorry, Robbie.

Honest.

Hey, open up.

Let us in.

Open up.

Hey, let us in.

Uh-oh.

That's Mercer and his pals.

Who's Mercer?

He's a party-crasher.

The one I told you crashed the party a few
weeks ago, the big dumb-ox.

Well, keep him out.

Well, if we do that, he'll only get sore
and wreck the whole house.

I'd better answer the door.

You're still right where you are, Betty.

Why, Robbie...

Hey, we heard there was a party here.

Beat it.

You're not invited.

Grandpa, if we waited to be invited,
we'd never go anywhere.

So it's trick or treat.

Where's the food?

Hey, Mercer, your sward.

Thank you.

En garde.

Touché.

Give me that, will you?

Hold it, Sonny.

Will you just give it to me?

That's not worth much, Sonny.

Hey, Robbie.

Is this the big dumb ox you told me has a
mother that works?

Yeah, that's right, Bub.

Over at Tony's driving.

So what's with you, Pops?

What?

Well, when I phone her at the drive-in and
tell her to come over and pick up her

stupid son, the manager's gonna be mighty mad.

Look, Grandpa, you think I care.

When he fires your old lady, you'll probably have to
get up off your big, fat, lazy attitude and go to work.

Hello?

Let me talk to Tony.

Come on, you guys.

We can find a better party than this, Marek.

Pleasant sort of chap, wasn't he?

Thank you, Mr. O'Casey.

You're welcome, Betty.

Bub, how did you know what phone number to
call for the drive-in?

I didn't.

At the tone, the time was 9, 15, and 32nd.

Will you stay, Robbie?

Will I?

Well, sure.

Uh, shall we then to the drawing room, Miss McIver?

I, uh, think we should ask permission of
our elder master, Robbie.

Be my guest.

Very well.

Uh, yeah?

Dad.

Yeah.

I just wanted to say good night.

Oh, good night.

Good night, Bub.

Good night.

Steve, you better get to bed.

Okay.

Steve, get to bed.

Oh.

Come on.

Okay, bud.

Hey, Bob.

Yeah?

Boy, I just had the darnest dream.

I guess it came out of all that talk about
the past the other night.

Yeah?

I could have sworn George Washington walked in.

He came in here and woke me up and said good night.

Strange part about it was he looked a little like Robbie.

How about that?

Another funny thing, he was with Benjamin Franklin.

Good night, Ben.

Good night.

Coming up later, we'll award you an Oscar and a
Tony in an Emmy winning show, The Odd Couple.

Catch back-to-back episodes starting at
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