04x02 - Scotch Broth

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons Starring Fred McMurray And as Bob.

Hi, Bert.

Oh, hiya, Hank.

What's doing?

Oh, we're just keeping an eye on the house
while the Douglas is our way.

Yeah, I noticed the newspapers were piling up.

Where'd they go?

Oh, didn't you hear?

Scotland.

When are they coming back?

Coming back, I don't know.

They inherited a castle.

A castle?

A castle?

Bub,

I have the strangest feeling.

It's...

I feel as though I were coming home.

Coming home?

The last ancestor of yours that ever saw
Scotland was that Archibald character.

And he left a joint in 1703.

Hey, do you know what?

We get more than a castle.

We get lands and rents and all.

What kind of junk?

Listen to this.

It says here, And the castle, as well as
the aforementioned lands and rents,

shall be the property of said Stephen Douglas and his
barons, provided they do not fish the, uh, the... Sarutha.

Just think of that.

We've got our own castle.

What do they call it?

I don't know.

It just says here, the... the castle.

The future of the Douglas clan here in Sheehanburg.

Bridge.

Aye, and I say the old there was off his
rocker when he made the will.

What are we all standing here for?

Our rights have been tamed from us.

I say fight.

We're all Douglases, are we, nay?

No.

And I also say, what is a MacKenzie doing in the
middle of a matter that involves only the Douglas clan?

Aye, it is wrong.

There's three mouths.

I've given you fair warning, MacKenzie.

Go your way, or we'll see to it.

Is it?

It's a public place.

I fancy myself as the public.

Yonder's my purchase.

If you didn't want me, you shouldn't have
accepted my money.

Aye, but it's a secret matter involving
only the clan Douglas.

Secret, is it?

Aye.

Contradict me if I'm wrong on any of the particulars.

When the old laird of Sheehan died,
he was angry with a whole lot of you.

Something about too much salmon fishing in
the Saruthen was it not?

Aye, but the Saruthens are stream, and were had to eat.

The old laird was afraid the fish wouldn't
come back if we fished extravagantly.

It is a ridiculous premise.

Aye.

At any rate, you've all been cut off.

Even the new laird gets naught but his cottage.

It's an outrage against the Douglas Darden.

Aye, that's true, Faggis.

What's your village?

Bigabar.

What's the place of your inheritance?

Oh, uh... Sheehan Bridge.

Is your name Douglas?

Yes, Stephen Douglas.

Come, dorkish love.

Hi, Robert.

Douglas.

Dunlean, change here for Stroth and Sheehan Bridge.

Uh, conductor, could you tell me how long it'll...

Jeepers, how come they got sore all of a sudden?

Then there's the fare to Glasgow for all of them.

Oh, then there's the fare on the branch
line for all of them.

Then there's the cab fare from Dunlean to Sheehan Bridge.

That'll be considerable.

The whole thing wipes the Douglas bank account clean.

Next time you wish for secrets, see, dear,
that the county record there's no Mckenzie.

Good night to you, gentlemen.

The Mckenzie's ain't here being a good luck.

Oh, I should have brained of you.

Let me go, man.

Don't get him.

Let me have him.

I'll get that guy.

That's enough.

We've had enough bickering.

The new owners will arrive tonight.

Prepare the rooms above.

But you're the new laird.

Do you propose to let them do this to you?

They're doing naught to my father, didn't I intend?

Yes, but will you allow them to have the
land and the ranch and the castle?

Aye.

There's a machine from Dunlean pulling up.

It would be them.

So this is Sheehan Bridge, huh?

Yeah.

The whole thing's no bigger than two
parking lots back to back.

But there's plenty of atmosphere, Bub.

One thing for sure, they don't have a traffic problem here.

No.

The pub seems to be the only place with any lights on.

Why don't I go in there and do a little checking?

Bub, you stay out here with the boys.

They probably have rules about being underage.

Well, I'm not underage.

I didn't mean to.

Pardon me, I wonder if you could help me.

I'm, uh, I'm looking for a man named Douglas.

I, uh, I'm trying to find a man named Douglas.

My name is Douglas.

And mine.

And mine.

My name is Douglas.

And mine.

Tis the Laird.

Tis the Laird.

Oh, good evening, Laird.

I beg your pardon?

We were expecting the outsiders.

Why be dressed like a Londoner?

They should arrive any minute.

Who?

The outsiders.

Ah, we're nay planning to make them comfortable.

It seems, me boy.

Can I have a word with you?

Tis nay the Laird.

Ah, be ye daft, man.

I know the Laird want to see him.

Would the Laird a sheen wear boots like that?

I, uh, I got these papers from a lawyer,
uh, uh, barrister in Blaston.

Now, as you can...

Aye, English boots.

Worth not even the United Kingdom.

American.

And you know, Ken, something else to beat the man.

He's got a feeling.

He's got a beautiful accent.

Morning to you, Douglas.

Oh, morning, Fergus.

Did, uh, did your new landlord sleep well in it?

Well, they didn't complain.

The entire group has dispersed in all directions.

Out looking for the castle.

Morning, Laird.

Good morning.

Did they arrive?

Aye, Laird.

Did you provide for them?

Aye.

They gone out to look over the property.

Well, tell Mr. Douglas I'll, uh, I'll be gone the day.

I have business in Stroth.

I'll see him on the morrow.

Good day to you.

Good day to you, Laird.

Good day to you, Laird.

And I've got my driver's license and everything.

So, uh, maybe you and Luna here could come over
to America and I could take you for a ride sometime.

Oh, I wouldn't mind that.

Aye.

That would be fun.

Yeah.

Well, uh, as soon as I get a car, of course.

Hi.

What?

I said hi.

Oh.

I thought you said aye.

Oh.

Why should I say aye?

Oh, I didn't know.

But the way you're dressed, you might say anything.

You wouldn't be tossing money in the well, would you?

Just a penny.

And I made a wish.

Oh.

You wish you had your penny back.

Oh.

Oh.

What's your name?

Richard Douglas.

Hey, so's mine, only they call me Chip.

Maybe we're cousins or something.

Would you like to see a great toad that
can leap close on 12 yards?

Sure.

I mean, I.

Hey, neat.

Hmm.

I'm glad that you're here, too.

Well, the same to you, lady.

Una, Mildred, into the house with you.

Oh, bye.

Oh, no, I have my sisters gabbling in the
street with strangers.

But, mister, we're all Douglas's.

Sure, that's right.

We're actually in the same family now.

Is that so?

Well, where were you in 1746?



Richard Douglas?

Yeah?

I think he means me.

I think you'd best be about your chores, lady.

But, father, I already performed them.

Do not argue with your father in public, son.

Perhaps Richard can play with you another time, lady.

Yes, ma'am.

So long, Richard.

Run home now, Richard.

We'll explain things to you in good time.

I am no ashamed, Magnus Douglas.

Ashamed of what, woman?

It is one thing to be rude to the outsiders,
but it is quite another to hurt children.

I did not hurt the lad.

I did no more than suggest he go home.

I have another opinion, Magnus Douglas.

Do you wish to hear it?

No.

No.

I want you to know that this is mighty
embarrassing to an Irishman.

I thought Irishmen were kills too, Bub.

Yeah, but not when we're in Scotland.

Oh, it sure is breezy.

Well, you fellas have been complaining about how badly
you've been treated, and I think I know the reason why.

This is a small village, and we've just
been a little too different, that's all.

Well, we're sure not different now.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, I'm sure you'll notice a big change in
their attitudes now.

And I'm telling you, Magnus, you're doing
not but echoing your woman's sentiments.

I have never repeated a word of my wife's
sentiments in me life.

I simply say, how would you like it if you went
to America and you got treated in the same way?

Aye.

And they have no complaint?

Aye.

Have you forgot the inheritance?

Have you become weak?

Have you?

This is a little springtime number.

You'll notice the skirt is cut on the bias.

Well, don't just stand there gawking.

Say something.

Aye, I'll say something.

It is a deliberate insult, and I'll no stand for it.

Well, on the contrary, young fellow, we just
thought we'd show you we're part of the family.

By wearing a Mckenzie tartan?

Oh!

Magnus is right, James.

They mean well.

They didn't have any meanness about them.

Oh, so you want outsiders for your landlords, do you?

Well, we would prefer it otherwise.

But recht is right.

And when I see they wear tartans to be
like us, I, uh, I see them in a different light.

Aye.

Hey, it's no their fault MacKenzie swindled the creature.

This is what I like, nightlife.

Dad.

Dad, we own this place.

We own what place?

This place.

I just figured it out.

The will says we own the castle at Sheehan Bridge, right?

Yeah, sure, if you can find it.

That's just the point, Bub.

There is no real castle.

But do you know what the name of this pub is?

Well, I never noticed.

What is it?

The castle.

Those characters downstairs have been giving
us the business to make us clear out of here.

Well, no wonder they stuck us up in this crummy room.

Yeah, they want us to go home.

Well, I'll never drink scotch drop again.

Oh, what do you like?

Dad, what are you going to do?

I'm going downstairs and clear up a few things.

Steve, if you're going to belt somebody,
I'm going with you.

We thought you might like a wee bite of supper.

We've come to a few conclusions that you
might be interested in.

Well, so have we.

We didn't deny that we treated you shamefully.

Aye, aye, and as soon as you meet
me... We'll explain and apologize properly.

Now, watch yourself, Steve.

They may look quaint, but they're pretty sneaky.

Tummy is the word we use all year.

I'm about to surprise you with something
I'm going to tell you.

But sit you down to your meal first.

I hate to find your proper place.

Go on, laddie.

Right here, Mr. Douglas.

Here you are now.

Pull up there.

Here you are now.

Lou will tell you.

He are the owners... of this place.

Well, as a matter of fact, we just
figured out... Oh, wait a minute, Mike.

You mean we own this pub?

Aye.

Aye.

And all of the land as far as the Saruton
on the west and up to the Tulac on the east.

I'm afraid we did laugh a bit when he
couldn't find the castle.

I see.

But why are you telling us all this now?

Because they be soft.

You don't belong here.

By what right do you come across the sea?

And take our lands and our rents from us?

Why don't you shut up, big mouth?

Oh, wait a minute.

He's right.

What do we know about running a pub or collecting rents?

The land's beautiful, but it isn't our land.

Any more than Bryant Park back home is their land.

Gee, Dad, you gonna give it back?

It was never really ours in the first place, Chipper.

Is this the kind of cheap wine you serve to a relative?

Give us a bottle of a beer.

A few bottles.

This man's a Douglas.

There's Buddy the Kidder bidding out for
the top 40, the middle 30.

Oh, you're there, Chip.

Wait till you see what awaits you.

Aye, the outsiders await me, Magnus.

We'll get it over and done with.

Once and for all.

Aye.

Well, take a good look at him.

Douglas?

Aye.

The Douglas of America?

Aye.

I mean, yes.

How do you do?

How are you?

Your lad, Chip, do you not see it?

Do I not see what?

The resemblance, Magnus.

The resemblance.

Do you tell me, I think, do you think I look like that?

Aye.

Resemblance?

What resemblance?

Name.

I did not see it.

You then.

We will discuss how you will take over the lands.

That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

We're not staying at Sheehan Bridge.

Our home is in America.

That's where we belong.

We've decided not to accept the inheritance.

You may accept it, but you must.

If my father had not intended for you to have the
inheritance, he would not have written it into the will.

With your lordship.

Good day to you, sir.

Hey, Dad, look at his niece there.

Douglas k*lled Richard lonely.

And me, your father, lad.

He said, John, Lord.

He.

Looks just like you.

I don't see the resemblance, Chip.

Well, gentlemen, what do we do now?

I didn't again.

The Laird has a fierce pride.

Excuse me for butting in, Dad,
but can me and Richard go fishing?

It isn't far, sir.

It's down by the Saruthen.

All right, Chip.

Hey, neat.

Thanks, Dad.

Chip, wait a minute.

Richard.

Yes, sir?

What was the name of that river?

Saruthen.

The Saruthen.

Yes.

Fergus, would you read this?

All right.

Right here, paragraph eight, letter A.

And the castle, as well as the
aforementioned lands and rents,

shall be the property of the said Stephen Douglas
and his parents, provided they dinner fish the Saruthen.

Okay, Chip, find Mike and Robbie.

We're all going fishing.

Sure, Dad.

Now, we're going to need some witnesses.

Well, I have a feeling that half the Douglas clan will
stumble onto the terrible deed, quite by accident, of course.

And it might be a good idea if we took
along the law, just to make everything legal.

Constable Douglas at your service.

Fine, Archibald.

Now, the only thing is, I didn't bring
along any fishing equipment.

Oh, you leave that to us.

Come along.

Come on.

All right.

Did I not tell you they were a fine family?

You know, it's amazing to me that you can dilute the
Douglas blood for 260 years and still get such fine results.

Aye, Jimmy.

But I still don't see the resemblance to my
way of thinking he has a rather weak chin.

Look, up in the sky, it's a bird,
it's a plane, it's not Superman,

it's my favorite Martian.

Stay tuned.

Stay tuned for two episodes of My Favorite
Martian during this twice as nice morning on TV Land.

Stay tuned for two episodes of My Favorite
Martian during this twice as nice morning on TV Land.