03x23 - Caged Fury

[bunniefuu]

I know you just lost
your psychology as a teenager.

All right, you guys.

So you call that a workout?

I call it a relaxing session.

Well?

Well, coach, it's just that we... Quiet!

I want to hear from you, I'll ask you.

So this is the Bryant High wrestling team.

Well, the chess team shows a lot more fight.

What's so funny?

Nothing.

I just thought it was a joke, sort of.

Well, it's no joke to me when my best men don't know
the difference between a hammerlock and Patty cake.

Mr. Wade.

Oh, hello, Mr. Dunham.

Good afternoon.

I want to see any of your boys on this list.

Man, somebody's going to get it.

Well, Mr. Dunham, they're all on it.

What?

Every one of them.

What is this list?

All those who have lost a match to mathematics.

Mathematics.

He's only a railroad man's daughter.

You could tell by the lines in her face.

That's no railroad.

Train doesn't leave till nine.

Anticipation, Chip, anticipation.

Did I tell you I got a letter from my friend
Jerry Court telling me that Old Roy is back?

No, who's Old Roy?

Well, Old Roy's about the biggest,
smartest trout that ever swam in Turtle Creek.

How can you tell one trout from another?

Well, Old Roy's got a mean streak and little beady eyes
and a way of stealing your bait and then laughing at you.

I never saw a laughing fish.

Well, you will when I bring Old Roy home
all stuffed and mounted.

Gee, we're sure gonna miss you.

And I'm sure gonna miss you, Chip.

But I gotta get away for a few days just
so I'll appreciate all of you more.

How come it never works for me?

Sure it does.

Uh-uh.

Every summer I can hardly wait till vacation.

And it starts, and pretty soon it's over.

Then we have to come back to school,
and there's the teacher, just as clunky as ever.

Well, you and I have a slightly different
relationship, wouldn't you say?

Yeah, you can't flunk me.

Oh, my God, no.

And I warn you, it is within my power to flunk every
boy on this list if your mathematics grades do not improve.

That is my last word.

And I'll flunk every one of you in Fizzhead if
you don't show some fight against Jefferson High.

Well, Coach, now, how are we supposed to
bone up on mathematics?

I mean, if we have to stay after school
each afternoon and practice leverage.

Well, if something's got to go, I suggest
the afternoon sessions at the malt shop.

What are we all worried about?

All we got to do is get somebody to help
us in math and stay here and work out.

Maybe miss dinner or something.

Any other bright ideas?

Hey, wait a minute.

Suppose we got each of our folks to put in
a little bit of money for a tutor.

He could teach all of us in one hug.

Not me, buddy.

I got a thing going where my folks think
I'm getting straight A's.

My dad finds out I need a tutor.

He takes the car back.

And if he takes the car back, that's the
end of my engagement with Betty.

Because she's got some kind of defeatist
philosophy about riding on buses.

Isn't it kind of hot in here?

Suppose we got somebody's father to help us with math.

A father who wouldn't blab.

Mine's always tired all the time.

My old man's in Cincinnati.

Yeah, and listen, my dad nearly got me flunked
out of the fifth grade helping me with fractions once.

Yeah.

But guess whose dad must be a genius at math.

On account of he's an aeronautical engineer.

Well, looks like I haven't lost the old touch.

In this corner, Bub O'Casey.

And in that corner...

Old Roy.

Now come out fighting.

Uh, Bub?

Yeah?

Do you suppose it's okay if the wrestling
team comes over for a few nights?

Yes, and bring the girls' ballet squad along, too.

Really?

Have a ball.

Well, the guys won't eat much.

They'll be coming over after dinner.

That's all right.

Now, supposing you're under a tree, and you're
looking for a pool where you know old Roy is lurking.

Uh, Bub, there'll be eight of us all together.

It's all right.

Still all right.

Now, you don't want to get your line snagged in
the tree, so you just give it the old sidewinder flip.

Like that.

Now, Bub, don't blow your top.

I'll unhook it.

Blow my top?

I've just landed old Roy.

That shot's mine, boys.

All mine.

And nobody else is gonna lay a worm on him.

Bub, have you been listening to what I've been saying?

Every word.

It's the wrestling team, the guys you call clumsy fatheads.

Bring them over.

Bring them over, I tell you.

Bring them over tonight and every night in the week.

Because by 8 O'clock, I'll be on my way to the depot.

Hey, Mike.

Where's Dad?

He's over at Mr. Walters.

I'm going over to pick him up now.

Oh, good.

He's supposed to be here to tutor the
wrestling team in math.

He'll be here any minute.

Does Dad know about that?

Well, no, not exactly.

I figured if he walked in on eight stupid
wrestlers, he'd take pity.

Dad isn't going to take pity.

He's going to take flight.

I can think of more interesting things to do than be
cooped up in here for an hour with ten tons of solid beef.

Hi, Rob.

Hi, Charlie.

Hi, Robbie.

I came over in Kurt's car.

His was the only one with gas in it.

My dad said it sure is great of your dad to do this.

He wouldn't do it even if the county paid him.

Oh, my dad's pretty good in math.

He said he was glad to help.

Well, but first you guys got to learn Japanese.

Where do you want us to sit, Robbie?

How about the dining room?

Okay.

His dad isn't here, and neither is mine.

Oh, well, he'll be here in a minute.

My brother went to get him.

Yeah, but when he gets here, we got to leave right
away, on account of we got to take Bub down to the station.

You mean you got us all over here and your dad isn't home?

I could have been goofing off.

Well, now, take it easy, you guys.

As soon as my dad gets back from the
station, he'll give us the whole works.

And meanwhile, we could goof off here.

Boy, don't you fellas think it's hot in here?

Hi, g*ng.

Hi, this looks like a beef trot.

Hey, you going on a trip, Mr. O'Casey?

Yes, I am, and what a pleasure it'll be to look
up in a tree and listen to a bird that's not coughing.

What's he so happy about?

I don't know.

He keeps saying how hot it is.

Yeah?

Must have clogged up pores or something.

Open your mouth.

All right.

Don't give me that I'm all right jazz.

Just open your mouth, Charlie.

His name is Lloyd.

Yeah, but Bub always calls everybody
Charlie or Sam or Egbert or something.

Open up.

Looks like somebody started a fire in a tunnel.

Well, what's wrong with him?

Well, in my day, we'd call it Quincy Sore Throat.

Now they probably call it Byrush.

We better call Dr. Miller.

Okay, Bub.

Open up.

Diphtheria.

You sure it's not Quincy Sore Throat?

Oh, it's a sore throat, all right.

I'm afraid it's diphtheria.

Well, then one of you boys better go over
and get his folks.

Wait a minute.

I'm afraid you can't do that.

Sure he can.

He's got a car outside.

They haven't taken his license away lately.

You're all quarantined.

Quarantined?

You mean like they do with dogs?

Quarantine went out with a lightning rod.

Not entirely.

In this state, we still quarantine for several diseases.

I better call Lloyd's folks.

Now, wait a minute.

You can do it to them, but not to me.

I'm a human being, and I'm due at the station.

I'm sorry.

The boys go to the hospital.

You've all been exposed.

There's nothing else I can do.

How do they quarantine people?

Well, they put one in each.

One human being in a cage with seven
gorillas and one chimpanzee.

The 50s in theaters everywhere.

This couple is also available on CD-ROM.

Don't worry, Mike.

We don't have much time.

I figured he'd be standing out here with
his suitcase in his hand.

Is the door locked?

Yeah.

Hey, Dad.

Come here.

All right.

Don't come in or you'll catch a two.

Love, Chip.

Now, what is this?

Chip!

Hey, Chip!

Robbie!

Bob!

Chip!

Chip, what is the meaning of this sign?

You want me to start at the beginning or
just the junk order and you can't come in?

I want you to open this door.

I can't.

Dr. Miller won't let us.

Dr. Miller!

What's happened?

You want me to start at the beginning?

Well, if you let him start from the
beginning, you'll go back to when he was born.

Chip, I'll give you one minute to open this door.

I can't.

There's a quarantine going on.

A quarantine?

For what?

Where's Bub?

He's reacting.

Reacting to what?

To being stuck in the same house with
Robbie's wrestling team.

You better let him start from the beginning.

Oh.

Hi.

Robbie, I want you to very quickly and
very carefully tell me what's going on here.

And if you take another bite of that cake before
I've got the whole story, you're in big trouble.

Now begin.

Okay.

Lloyd Rasmussen came over with the wrestling team tonight,
and he got diphtheria in, so now we're all quarantined.

Diphtheria?

Can I eat the cake now, Dad?

No, you can't eat it.

Where's Bob?

Oh, he's in his room.

You know how it gets when he's so sore he can't talk.

He's probably lying on his bed,
giving the ceiling dirty looks there.

Dad, can I eat the cake now?

Yes.

Bob?

Bob?

Bob, the boys just told me about your being quarantined.

I'm sorry you had to postpone your trip.

I know how much you've been looking forward to it.

Look, Bob, Mike and I will spend the night at a motel.

I guess we can still find a store open where
we can get toothbrushes and anything we need.

So I'll contact Dr. Miller and ask him how
long you'll be quarantined.

Then I'll call you in the morning and see
what supplies you'll need.

Because you're going to need plenty with
this wrestling team.

Don't let it get you down, Bob.

After all, it's just a wrestling team.

Bob.

Bob, would you do something to let me know
you've heard what I've said?

Please, Bob.

I'll call you in the morning, huh?

Good night.

Really sore, huh?

Yeah, those are some of the saltiest life
glasses you'll ever see, Mike.

Boy, this is great.

No math, no wrestling.

These go good with soya sauce.

You know, after breakfast, I think I'm going
to go upstairs and take myself a nice long nap.

Me too.

Mr. O'Casey, wake me for the TV sports roundup.

Be glad to.

And Mr. O'Casey, if a girl named Barbara
calls, be sure and let me know, will you?

Charlie, why don't you eat your pancakes?

I got a stomach condition.

I can't eat them when they're burning.

Sorry.

Seepers, Bub must really be beat.

He didn't even clobber Charlie.

All right, guys, open up.

Hey, George.

And actually, Harriet, about the only
thing we need is girls.

Now, if there was just some way we could
figure out to smuggle you chicks in here.

Come on, there's no reason I can't shower while you shave.

Would you hold on?

Now, if you guys would shut up,
I'm trying to talk to Harriet.

Oh, I didn't know you talked to Abe.

Well, I'm talking to my girl, not yours, buster.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Go on, Bruce, get him.

Get him, get him, get him.

Break it.

Come on, Hal.

Push his arm.

That's it.

Hey, come on.

Come on, Hal.

Break it up.

That's it.

What's the matter with you?

You get Bub's story, and then you better watch out.

Come on, I'll give you two minutes,
and I'm coming through the door.

Hello, Harriet.

Well, try and keep that line open, will you, son?

We're expecting a call from Mr. Douglas.

Yeah, sure, sure, Mr. O'Casey.

Thank you.

Harriet, what a blast, really.

I'm sleeping in Mr. Douglas' bedroom with Johnny and Bruce.

Kurt and Charlie are bedded down in Mike's room there.

All the food in the world, and guess what?

We even have our own chef.

Isn't that great?

Mr. O'Casey, I've got to have a larger towel.

This one's for pygmies.

Come on, what's the matter?

What's the matter, you fool?

You know, I'm not even out of my pajamas yet.

I haven't got the good things.

I want to get in here and shave, too.

Well, you're still on his old thing.

Robbie, can I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah, sure.

What's wrong?

Bub.

Yeah?

I'm worried the way he looks.

Those big elephants push him around.

Is he sick or something?

No, I think he's just eating his heart out
because he can't get it all right.

Boy, he sure must hate that.

Well, I think he likes him, Chip.

He respects old Roy and old Roy respects him.

It's kind of like two champion fighters
trying to beat each other's brains out.

Boy, I wish he'd slug one of those guys just once.

Just to show him.

That was Robbie's grandfather I was talking to.

Huh?

Oh, he's kind of a servant around here.

Hey, look!

The mailman just left this postcard for you.

Why, that miserable... What's wrong?

Well, I've been locked up with these hyenas.

Jerry's caught old Roy.

Look.

Hey, me.

Now you don't have to worry about that clunky fish anymore.

Worry?

Why, I was all set for the k*ll.

Me against old Roy.

Now he's gone.

And it's all their fault.

The big eight.

What do you want?

Well, Hal invited me to join the party.

So that's what he thinks it is, huh?

Now get out of here before I lose my temper.

What's going on in the back window?

Now you get out of here or I'll spank the
daylights out of you.

Gosh, Bub, I sure am glad to hear you yelling again.

I thought you were sick or something.

Well, I was in shock worrying about old Roy.

But now I'm clearing the decks for action.

Put that phone down, you.

Now you turned off our picture, Mr. O'Casey.

Didn't I, though?

Now you go out in the kitchen and set the table.

Who, me?

Yes, you.

Sam, you go out and help him.

Come on.

And Big Daddy, you vacuum this room.

Start now.

Give me the phone.

Goodbye, Camille.

The sl*ves have risen.

Just you go, Brace.

Get upstairs and make up all the beds.

Don't sit there looking at me.

Get out of here.

What's the matter, Mr. O'Casey?

Did you ever hear of Strangler Lewis?

Well, yeah.

Well, he showed me a couple of wrestling
holes that you'll never learn in high school.

And if you don't get going, I'll put him in practice.

You heard me.

What's happened to him?

He slipped his skull or something?

Heck no.

That's the way he is all the time.

Isn't it neat?

Boy, I've seen one who's really sore.

I'll eat it all.

From now on, you'll have less sack and more study.

That's our pub.

And that goes for you, too.

Get busy.

Tomorrow at Sears.

Rob?

I'm Scott Spratt.

You have to prove that the square of the hypotenuse
is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.

Uh, he says you have to prove the square of all
that junk is equal to the square of all the other stuff.

That is exactly what I said.

Well, anyway, that's where you goofed.

You guys have to keep talking all the time.

I'm trying to memorize a stupid poem.

First he constructs a right triangle, and then
he constructs a square on each of the sides.

First you construct a right triangle, and then
you construct a square on each of the sides.

Oh.

Would you ask him whether you invert or
what when you're dividing fractions?

Fractions?

Dad, how do you divide fractions?

You invert the divisor, and then you multiply.

And tell Chip I'm surprised at him.

We went through all that when he was in the fourth grade.

Well, this isn't for Chip exactly.

It was for one of the guys.

How's every coming of his right track?

Well, his name isn't really Egbert.

That's just what Bub calls him.

Yeah, and he better cut it out, too.

Old Dylan's on the phone with your English
and history assignments, Egbert.

Well, I think that does it for today, boys.

We'll see you at the same time tomorrow, huh?

See you later, Dad.

Thanks, Mr. Douglas.

Bye, Mr. Douglas.

So long, Steve.

Look, I've had it with you and your goofy grandfather.

You clean it up.

Come on, Robbie.

Come on, Robbie.

Come on, Robbie.

Stop this.

Don't just get up out of there.

Get up.

You two are going to learn to live
together if I have to beat your heads together.

Now you go up and clean that tub.

The rest of you sit down.

Sit down, I said.

Why, right now they're fighting like tigers.

Bub, all you can do is try to hang on.

I'm sure it can't be for much longer.

Lloyd's out of the hospital and Dr. Miller's
waiting for the results of the other boys' tests, so...

Bub's about headed.

He's ready to take on the whole wrestling team.

You ought to see our bathroom.

It looks like a hurricane hit a swamp.

Well, Bub, I'm sure the boys don't like
being penned up any more than you do, but.

...

I guess maybe we ought to think of
some way to calm them down a little, huh?

I'll tell you, I'll... I'll see if I
can't come up with something.

Okay, Steve.

Steve, I leave you with one word.

Help!

Boy,

Betty Shukum's aren't strong.

She's been going great all night long.

You're terrific, and we were too dumb to appreciate you.

Oh, that's all right.

You stay right there now.

Hey, Bub!

Girls, Chip, girls!

Yeah, but what difference do they make?

Well, I don't know, but I do know that
daddy of yours is a genius.

Hey, you fellas!

It's Dr. Miller!

And he's smiling!

Here's your ticket, Bub.

Put it right in your shirt pocket.

All right, thanks.

Now, where's my lunch?

Right here, Bub.

And there's enough there to feed the whole train crew.

True.

Where's my fishing rod?

Right here, Bub.

All right.

Look, Bub, we've been standing here for ten minutes.

Let's go.

Now, my tickets.

I know I gave them to one of you, not Ted.

Bub, Dad just put the tickets in your shirt pocket.

That's right.

Mike, why don't you go and get the cars?

Yeah, right.

Yes.

Look, Bub, maybe they caught old Roy, but there
are a lot of other trout waiting in the stream, aren't they?

Now, don't hurry me out of here,
Steve, till I find out I've got everything.

I want to be sure.

I feel kind of faint.

Isn't it kind of hot in here?

Oh, no.

Not again.

Not again.

I couldn't stand it again.

You really don't feel well, Chip?

You don't have any fever?

I know.

I had to do something or else he'd miss his train.

Oh, no.

Look,

up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's
not Superman, it's My Favorite Martian.

Stay tuned for two episodes of My Favorite
Martian during this twice as nice morning on TV Land.

We'll be right back.