Beautiful girls.
Oh, no.
I was hoping they'd forget it this year.
Campus queen.
Who needs it?
Gonna be a judge this year, Eddie?
Are you kidding, Arch?
After last year?
Well, now, where are you gonna find three judges?
Three?
Where do we find one pigeon?
Hi, fellas.
Thought I'd, uh, come in and start writing
next week's column on the track team.
Good idea.
You know, you've done some fine work this year, Mike.
Well, I, I try.
Uh, listen, Eddie, you know, I sure would
like to be a judge of the annual beauty contest.
What do you say?
I don't think you can handle it, Arch.
I mean, this takes a real knowledge of women.
This isn't kid stuff, you know.
Well, now, who can do it any better?
Well, frankly, I had a guy in mind.
Level-headed, fair, a keen eye.
What was that?
You, Mike.
You and you alone are going to pick this year's queen.
You lucky stiff.
I wish I could be in your shoes.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
Oh, look at that.
Oh.
Look at that.
Oh, gee.
Oh.
This is like being a king.
Oh, Christ, Eddie.
I'll never forget you for this.
Oh.
Oh,
you've got some job.
Oh, look at this one.
I like this one best.
There's more, uh...
Well, there's more.
Secret of judging, but I was being completely objective.
As far as I'm concerned, these girls are
nothing but nameless faces.
Uh-huh.
Hi, Mike.
Hey, what you got?
Beauty contest pictures.
It's a big event on campus, and the judge
is a very important man.
Wow!
Why, wow?
I don't know.
I heard some guy say it on TV.
It was probably a commercial.
Let's call Sam to play catch.
Okay.
Hi, Chip.
Hi, Suds.
Hi, Mr. Douglas.
You better get your whistle ready.
My whistle?
Ready for what?
Oh!
Campus beauty contest.
Where do you come in, Mike?
I'm going to pick the winner.
Just you?
You mean there are no other judges?
Nope.
Our editor decided I had a deep appreciation of women.
Well, uh, what does Laurie think about this?
Oh, she'll understand.
After all, it's quite an honor.
It isn't quite a responsibility, I'd say.
Oh, sure is.
Nope.
Nope.
Wait a minute, I thought that last one was quite good.
Don't let me interrupt you.
Nope.
Nope.
They're out, huh?
Just don't have it.
Mike, you must have nerves of steel.
I'll get it.
So, hi, Laurie.
Hi, Mr. Douglas.
Mike's right over there.
Mike!
Hi.
Hi.
The queen pictures?
That's right.
You're the judge?
Yeah, how about that?
Oh, there must be a lot of interesting girls.
Really beautiful girls.
Over 50 of them.
I haven't looked at half of them yet,
and so far they all look great.
Well, at least nobody can accuse me of
favoritism, because you haven't entered.
Surprise.
Well, what's the matter?
Don't you think I'm pretty enough?
Oh, yes, sure.
Why don't we give a beauty contest?
That way we'd be important.
You know, like my student?
Instead of having one judge, we'd have two, you and me.
What do we judge?
Girls.
They laugh at us.
Anyway, we're too young.
Not for the girls in our class.
Even Emily Barnes?
Well.
With those braces on her teeth, and her freckles.
Yeah, but if we left her out, she'd tell her brother.
And he's two years older than us.
Yeah.
He's got an awful temper.
Okay.
She's in.
Well, just because we go together is no
reason for me not to enter, is it?
No.
Besides, if I win, it'll be because you
honestly think I deserve to, right?
Yeah, right.
And there's certainly no pressure on you.
Okay.
Okay, then we'll be adult about it.
If you win, swell.
If you don't win, no hard feelings.
No.
It's quite a spread.
It should be signed fearless, Mike Douglas.
Well, it wasn't exactly easy narrowing
down a field of 59 to 4.
Good job, Mike.
I knew you could do it.
Hi.
Oh, hi, Laurie.
A new addition?
Uh, goodbye, Laurie.
We were just leaving.
Gee, you look beautiful, Laurie.
Thank you.
I'm so excited.
You narrowed us down to four?
Yeah, but... Well, come on, let me see.
Who are the other three?
Oh, come on, let me see.
After all, I can go out and buy a paper later.
Come on.
Jill Wagner.
Oh, she's pretty, Mike.
Kim Franklin.
Oh, she's really lovely.
Patricia Parnell.
Oh, well, she's really beautiful.
And Mary Ellen Conway.
Oh, well, that's four, isn't it?
Those are the finalists?
Oh,
don't look so tragic.
After all, it's only a beauty contest, nothing important.
Well, it's like we decided, Laurie.
I mean, you have to be adult about this.
Oh, certainly.
It has nothing whatsoever to do with us.
Look, how would you like to go to a show tonight?
Oh, I'd love to, but not with you, Mr. Douglas.
Oh, I'd love to, but not with you, Mr.
Douglas.
Hey, Mike, some clunky girl called you.
Laurie?
No, Jill Wagner.
Come on, Sudsy.
Jill Wagner?
Well, thank you.
Is Mike Douglas home?
Why, are you Jill Wagner?
No, I'm Kim Franklin.
Is she here?
No, but she called a while ago.
Hmm, so she started already.
She kind of collects girls like you collect rocks.
I guess.
I like rocks better, because they don't stop you.
Hello, is Mike home?
Well, I'm sure he'll be home to you once you come in.
Thank you.
Well, Mike, one of the leading contenders.
Hello.
Hello.
Your father's all right.
He's not my father, he's my grandfather.
But of course it's all right.
Aren't you Kim Franklin?
And you're Mike Douglas.
And I'm Bubba.
And I'm Bubba O'Casey.
Hi.
Excuse me, please.
Well, come on in.
You know, I was so surprised when you
picked me for the contest.
I just had to come by and thank you in person.
Well, I picked you because you're beautiful, that's all.
Well, I don't see it, but I'm glad you do.
Of course, who cares about that silly old contest?
Yeah.
Maybe we should get together and discuss it sometime.
All right, Mike.
Say, my sorority's having a party tonight.
Would you like to come as my date?
Oh, yeah.
What time?
And believe me, it's not because of that old contest.
I'm just glad that it brought me to your attention.
Well, see you later.
Bye.
Bye.
Perfect.
Game I ever saw.
What is that supposed to mean?
No runs, no hits, no errors, and one judge left on base.
And she did it all without a baseball.
So I said to myself, Jill, you've been
dying to meet my Douglas for ages.
But there just wasn't any excuse.
That's why I'm so grateful for this silly contest.
Well, gee, I wish I'd have known how you felt.
I would have called you.
Why shouldn't a girl do the calling if she feels like it?
There's no reason at all.
Mike, everyone says what a fine mind you have.
A fine mind and a splendid physique.
Not like big old Dan over there, all physique.
Hi.
Mike, this is Dan Palmer.
Dan's an old friend of mine.
Hi, Dan.
I've seen you play.
Aggressive and rock'em, sock'em.
Yeah, Mike, I've heard all about you from Jill.
Oh, you have?
Sure, the beauty contest.
It's all in your lap.
The whole decision.
Right?
Yeah, that's right.
Well, what do you think of her?
Jill?
Oh, nice.
Nice, he says.
Why, she makes those other three girls
fade right into the woodwork.
Come on, I'll buy you a soda to celebrate.
Yeah.
Okay, so I'm a little ahead of myself, but not by much.
Right, Mike boy?
Maybe you've seen me.
I play goalie for the field hockey team.
No, I don't think so.
Well, the team sent my picture into your contest.
It wasn't my idea.
Oh, yes, I remember.
Well, it was a very nice picture.
I had no idea that... That I'm 6'2"?
It works out.
My boyfriends are all 6'6".
However, once I'm in a contest, I'm in it all the way.
I play to win.
Well, you're in the finals.
I hear the other finalists are throwing
their charms around trying to influence me.
Oh, no, I just don't believe you can tell
too much from a picture.
I wanted to meet all four.
Good thinking.
There's nothing personal.
Okay, but let's get one thing straight, Douglas.
Sure.
Remember, I play to win.
Now you can drop me off at the gym.
Yes?
Mike Douglas.
How do you do?
Tomorrow's the contest deadline.
I thought we ought to meet.
Oh, yes.
The contest.
Well, you know, you're entitled to the
same opportunities as the others.
Just what did you have in mind, Mr. Douglas?
How about dinner for a start?
I'm sorry.
No, thanks.
Well, I want to be fair.
Don't bother.
I'm really not interested in the contest
one way or another.
I couldn't care less if I finished first or fourth.
I'd withdraw if my sorority would let me.
Is there anything else, Mr. Douglas?
Uh, no.
I guess not.
Then good night.
You don't look so g*y.
Well, if I pick Jill, I'm a rat.
If I don't, I get beat up.
What am I going to do?
That's easy.
Be a rat.
I used to have a lot of friends at school.
Now, already, I got 55 girls cutting me dead.
Besides their boyfriends and brothers.
It mounts up.
There he is.
Ask him.
Mike, we got problems.
Oh, don't bother me now, Chip.
We started a beauty contest in our class.
Yeah, now everyone wants to beat us up.
Well, if I were you three guys, I'd blow town.
Hank?
I'll meet you at the mall, Chip.
In about an hour.
I've got a dollar five.
Well, sure, it's plenty.
I'll just put it in with your three bucks.
We'll get us each an extra thick malt, and then we'll go
bowling, and maybe later stop off for some fries and ketchup.
You should leave us with about a dollar for tomorrow.
Okay.
See ya.
Hey, Rob.
What?
You got a couple extra bucks?
You low on funds again?
Yeah.
These beautiful girls sure run up the tabs.
The other night after the sorority dance, Kim ordered
a steak sandwich and then for dessert, cherries jubilee.
Is that why you have to pay the waitress a
couple bucks extra just to set the cherries on fire?
I hate to ask Dad for another advance.
Oh, that's okay, Micah.
Hank and I have got around four dollars.
Us unpopular fellas can't possibly spend that much
in a week, so I'll see if I can scrounge some up for you.
Okay, thanks.
Boy, a beauty contest sounded like such a great idea.
Gorgeous creatures all around.
Beautiful girls fighting each other today.
Great me.
Nothing to do but relax and enjoy it.
I've got something much better.
Peace of mind.
To think I was a happy-go-lucky, footloose bachelor.
You know what I'd like to be?
A hermit.
A barefoot, bearded hermit.
Mike, it's decision time, isn't it?
Yeah.
I've got to face it today.
Make my decision, announce it, and run.
Thanks, Mike.
What for?
Well, for doing all the wrong things in
college, so I'll know what not to do.
You think Mike will show up?
I would.
Maybe he'll phone in the results.
Yeah, long distance.
I feel like a rat conning him into this spot.
Better him than us.
Yeah.
Come on.
Just a joke.
Listen, I had another nice long talk with Douglas.
Don't worry about a thing.
Great.
Take one of mine.
We'll send Roses to the hospital.
Charge him to the paper.
Naturally.
Well, I'm here to announce the final
results, which will appear in tomorrow's paper.
It's been a tough contest.
First, to narrow 59 beautiful girls down
to four, and then to pick a winner.
I don't think I've ever seen a more
striking blonde than Mary Ellen Conway.
Mary Ellen Conway.
Mary Ellen Conway.
It's fourth prize.
Fourth?
Kim Franklin, third prize.
Second prize, Jill Wagner.
You mean me?
The winner and campus newspaper queen, Pat Parnell.
Hold it, Pat.
Kim, will I see you later?
Much later.
Mikey.
Don't worry about it, Mike.
Oh, thanks, Mary Ellen.
But watch out when I'm holding a hockey stick.
Well, nothing wrong with coming in second, Mike.
That's right, Mike.
Unless you're betting to win.
Say, Mike, did you see the state game last year?
Yeah.
You remember their big tackle, Wally Fairchild?
The one that they carried off the field in the stretcher?
I warned him.
He didn't listen either.
Okay, now let's get one of those.
One of the winner and the judge.
That's it.
All right.
Smile, Mike.
You picked me after I gave you the freeze?
Yeah.
You had absolutely nothing going for you,
except that you were the prettiest.
One more, Mike.
Mary Lou, we're here by award.
Mr. Douglas won it for golf, but you won it for beauty.
Yeah, you're the prettiest girl in the fourth grade.
You are now grade four queen.
Wow, that was close.
No more beauty contest.
It's too dangerous.
Hey, how come you voted for her?
I figured she could protect us from the
brothers of the other girls.
Me too.
Let's award ourselves some cookies.
Let's do it.
Look out there, Mike.
You're right in the line of fire.
Oh, sorry.
You know, you sure were right, Dad.
Well, thanks, Mike.
About what?
About the beauty contest.
That the important thing was to be fair and honest.
You know, I picked the one girl who
wouldn't have anything to do with me.
You mean you picked her because you
thought she was prettier than the others?
Oh, yeah.
Well, I knew you'd do that, Mike.
I sure had my moment of glory, didn't I?
The only thing is, I lost Laurie.
Oh?
And I'm a little bit afraid to go back.
I'm afraid to go out of the house.
Well, I'm sure you might have made a few enemies.
Yeah.
My gosh.
What's, uh, what's wrong, Mike?
It's Laurie.
Huh?
Hello.
Hello.
I guess I acted like a spoiled child.
Can you forgive me?
Sure.
Well, come on in.
Hey, Dad.
Uh, Bub, look who's here.
Hello, Laurie.
Hi, Mr. Douglas.
Gee, I'm glad to see you.
Same here.
Oh, are we going to the football game Saturday?
Laurie, I'd do anything in the world for
you with one possible exception.
Well, he can't get at you up there in the stands, can he?
You mean Dan Palmer?
Yeah.
Oh, one of my enemies.
Oh.
Why don't you hang around and have dinner with us?
We're going to have stew.
Ooh.
Oh, I'd love to.
You can help me.
Thank you.
You know, Mike, of course, you
were the judge, but I've always
thought Laurie was just about
the prettiest girl around here.
Oh, now, Dad, don't start that again.
I don't want to start that again.
Stay tuned for another episode of My Three Sons as
this twice as nice morning continues here on TV Land.
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