08x05 - Joanie Gets Wheels

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

This is the worst evening yet.

Oh.

That settles it.

I'm gonna buy myself a set of wheels.

Oh, really?

Yeah, then in about a year, I'll buy the
bumper, the steering wheel, the fenders.

I've got it, I've got it.

Which table do you want?

The closest.

This one's clean.

Oh, Chachi, my big toe is numb.

Sit down and shake it out.

Oh.

Oh.

Hey, hey, hey, what happened to you two?

Oh, nothing now, nothing.

Oh.

We just had no way to get to the Bobby Rydell concert, so,
uh, we had to double date with Gus and Ginger, that's all.

Gus and Ginger?

Gus and Ginger?

Did this to you?

No, their pet monkeys did.

Monkeys.

Yeah, Al, you can't believe this.

They brought their two pet monkeys with them.

They were wearing these little tiny suits.

Oh, that's cute.

They attacked us, Al.

That's awful.

Look at that eye.

I better get you some raw meat for it.

Thanks.

Raw meat.

Now that's something Clarence could cook.

Al, the eye?

Yeah, you got it.

Joanie, I'm sorry the evening turned out so bad.

Oh, it's not.

Your fault.

If only I had a car, you know?

I know.

Then we wouldn't have to double date with
people like Gus and Ginger.

I better go wash up.

Got monkey fur all over me.

See you later.

Hey, short kid.

What happened to you?

We went out with Gus and Ginger.

Fonz, I need your advice.

Would you feel bad if a girl took you on dates in her car?

What, are you kidding?

That's my life.

Oh, that's true.

Well, you know, Chachi... Chachi can't afford
a car because he helps support his mother.

Isn't he a nice kid?

He is such a nice kid.

Fonz, those double dates are driving me crazy.

And I've got a good idea.

What's that?

I'm going to buy myself a car.

And all I need to do is get permission from my folks.

Well, let me put it this way, all right?

You're going to put your arms around Mr. C
as far as they reach, right?

Yeah.

You're going to give him a little kiss on
his cute chubby cheek, right?

You're going to whisper real low to him,
Dad, can I have a car?

And he's going to put you in your room till you're 45.

Why?

Well, look, I love Mr. C, right?

Yeah.

But you've got to admit, he's a little bit
of a fuddy-duddy, right?

You think so?

At least he's fuddy on the way to duddy.

Now, look, that's a father's job,
and he does it very, very good.

Well, don't worry.

I know how to handle him.

Hey, Mr. C.

Turn off the radio.

Can I help you, Potsie?

Oh, no, thanks.

I'm just fine.

Oh, well, then can I ask what you're doing in my driveway?

I'm on a date.

Do you realize that there's nobody here with you?

You see, I was on my way to pick up my
date, and my car broke down.

The Fonz is fixing it.

Fonzie.

Fonzie?

Fonzie!

I'll get him for you, Mr. C.

Hey.

Why would you risk your life doing something that dumb?

A lapse in judgment.

You want to spend the rest of the evening in an ambulance?

No.

Get your head back in there.

Right.

Look, I thought we mutually agreed that you
weren't going to try and fix your cars in my driveway.

Hey, look, Mr. C., I am so sorry that I
renegaded on a promise, you know?

But the thing is, we got an emergency here.

You know that Potsie's social life is very limited.

I mean, him missing a date is like a
farmer missing a harvest.

How many times... How many
times do I have to keep asking you?

I am sick and tired of seeing grease and oil
spots all over the driveway and in the flowers.

The smell of gasoline is everywhere.

He's getting closer to Dutty all the time.

Am I making myself clear?

Like a crystal ball, like a crystal ball.

I promise it'll never happen again.

On a bright snake bite.

Thank you.

I gave that Fonzie a piece of my mind.

There'll be no more wrecks in my driveway, I told him.

Howard, close your eyes and inhale.

Oh, Marion.

Come on, baby cakes.

Just close your eyes and inhale.

Pork chops?

With little slices of pineapple.

And for dessert?

Chocolate cake.

Ah, my taste buds are jumping with joy.

Daddy?

Yes, my precious?

I have a question to ask you that I'm a
little nervous about.

Oh, never be afraid to ask me anything, sweetheart.

Your father is your best friend.

You mean I can ask you anything?

Anything at all.

Can I have a question?

When pigs fly.

This food looks delicious, sweetheart.

Daddy?

Sweetheart, cars are too expensive.

Well, I have money saved.

My birthday money and Christmas money,
allowances, and I can get a job.

Oh, sure, and then you'll neglect your studies.

Besides, you're too young to drive.

I have my license.

You do?

Yes, dear, she got it while you were away
at the hardware convention.

But that was last summer.

Oh, if this family ate together more,
we would know more about one another.

And Richie had a car.

And he was my age.

Well, now that was different.

Why?

Tell her, Marion.

Well, Joanie, it's different because,
uh, why is it different, Howard?

No, no, just tell her.

Girls and cars and everything, tell her.

Well, I suppose you could catch your skirt in the car door.

Is that why it's different?

You could, uh, catch your high heels in the floor mat?

That's not it.

What is it?

I'll take it from here, sweetheart.

The answer is no, N-O.

Oh, and this whole discussion is upsetting my stomach.

Will you pass the potatoes, please?

For this, I could have made sandwiches.

Too late.

Oh.

Who is it?

Jenny Piccalo.

Oh, Jiminy Crickets.

No, Jenny Piccalo.

Howard, will you be nice?

She's Joanie's best friend.

She's the one that taught Joanie that walk.

What walk?

You know, the one that got her kicked out of church.

Joanie's in the kitchen.

Use the back door.

Naturally.

Why does she always have to show up when I'm eating?

Well, because you're always eating, Howard.

Oh, hi, Jenny.

Come on in.

Hiya, kid.

Look what I got.

Basketball magazines.

I didn't know you were interested in basketball.

I'm not.

I'm interested in men in shorts.

Is your father still eating?

Yeah.

Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Cunningham.

Good evening.

Now, you see how polite she is?

I don't trust her.

Me neither.

The word around school is you're getting a car.

No, N-O.

My father won't let me.

Oh, so your dad said no.

Big deal.

You're not going to let that stop you, are you?

I thought it might.

My dad told me I couldn't have a car.

But you've had a car since last year, Jenny.

Sure.

I hide it.

You mean you never got caught?

No.

It's not that hard to fool fathers.

Oh.

Oh, I don't know.

That doesn't seem right.

Joanie, if daughters always listened to their
fathers, the human race would never reproduce.

True.

When are you going to learn to be your own woman?

Woman?

No.

Woman.

Woman.

The kind of woman that can hold a man like
Chachi before another woman with a car does.

He wouldn't.

He might.

He would.

Well, what am I waiting for?

I'm old enough.

I have my own money.

I've got to stop taking orders.

I'm almost in college.

Great.

Then you're going to get your own car?

Shh.

It's my parents.

You want me to get grounded?

Come on.

Let's go.

What kind of car are you going to get?

I don't know.

Get a convertible.

I just want a car.

Remember, kid, don't worry about your father.

Teenagers have rights, too.

Where are you going?

I've got to return these magazines to my
mother's room before she finds out they're missing.

This skirt is so long.

See you, kid.

See you.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye bye.

Bye bye.

Bye bye.

Bye bye.

We're home.

Yeah, we're home.

We are?

Here we come.

Surprise, Mr. C is going to let you have it.

Oh, he let me have it, all right.

So I need to know a place where I can get a good deal.

Oh, that's easy, that's easy.

I'll take you to Chickie.

He owes me a favor.

We were in a g*ng together.

I helped him remove a bicycle seat from his mouse.

I'll tell you something.

I'll bet Mr. C is real excited when he
sees you behind the wheel.

Excited's not the word.

He'll go wild.

Hey, sweetie pie, do me a favor.

I'll hit the radio.

Sure, Fonz.

Palette pie.

Big girls don't cry.

Big girls don't cry.

They don't cry.

There's trouble on the Ponderosa.

Something's bothering little Joe.

There's absolutely nothing bothering me.

He's upset because everyone calls him little Joe.

Little Joe is just little Joe.

See?

I'm not five years old anymore.

No, sir.

Look, I'm a big boy now.

A very big boy.

We should call him Big Boy Joe.

Now you're talking.

Watch Bonanza with Ben, Adam, Hoss, and Big Boy Joe.

That's what they call me.

Every afternoon at 1 on TV Land.

Howdy.

Can I take your order, please?

Oh, yes.

She's going to have the chicken and the
ribs, and he'll have the steak,

barbecue beef, and, ooh, pie.

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What?

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Do you know that I went to your house and
you weren't there?

And then I went to Arnold's and you weren't there either.

I'm here.

Oh, that's cute.

That's cute.

You know, going out with you is like playing hide and seek.

I know.

You know, I have to work to support that car.

I'm fed up to hear with that car.

We saw more of each other when we were pedestrians.

Oh, man.

What are you doing?

I've got to get out of here.

I'll get fired.

Your folks don't know you're working, right?

Right.

If they knew, they'd guess about the car.

Yeah, we've got a problem.

They're in line right now.

That's cool.

Don't draw any attention to yourself.

You've got to get out of here.

And I've got to hide.

And don't let them see you.

All right.

All right.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Look out.

No.

No.

Oh.

Hey, move up.

How many, please?

Howard, tell her.

Tell who?

I'm looking at hands.

I know those hands.

Those are Joanie's.

What are they doing here?

That's the ring I gave her.

Joanie Louise Cunningham, you come up here.

I can explain.

But I need time to think.

I don't understand.

I thought you were going to the library to study.

Well, I decided to come here.

It's much quieter.

You're working, and I know why.

You want to earn enough money to buy a car.

Wait.

Well, yeah, you could put it that way.

What's this, a convention?

Let's move it.

I'm right in the middle of my job, Dad.

No, you're at the end of it.

But all these people.

Marion, you get in the booth and sell tickets.

Come on.

Me?

I want to see the movie.

Let us see the movie, you cheapskate.

Will you butt out, Buster?

Making your wife work nights.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

If I was your wife, I'd feed you poison.

If you were my wife, I'd take it.

Dad, listen.

No, you listen to me.

If there's one thing I will not tolerate, it's lying.

Now, you finish out this shift and then you quit.

We'll settle this at home.

Come on, sweetheart.

But what about the movie?

How do you expect me to see the music,
man, when I'm so upset?

I just love that little freckle-faced boy.

He reminds me so much of Richie when he was younger.

Oh, you gotta be kidding, sweetheart.

Come on.

Oh, boy, you in trouble.

I heard the whole thing.

Oh, no.

Here.

Here are the keys to the car.

First thing tomorrow morning, bring it
back to Chicken, get my money back.

He gave me two weeks to decide.

I decide no.

Are you crazy?

It's 6 A.M.

I was just waiting for you to come back.

To tell me that you returned the car.

Was Chickie closed?

What's wrong?

The car's not running?

You pushed it here.

Eight blocks.

Nine?

Ten?

Oh, my poor baby.

What are we doing?

We gotta get this thing out of here.

Fonzie.

Fonzie?

Fonzie can fix it.

Yeah.

Fonz!

Shh.

My parents.

Oh.

Light tap on the window.

You could have knocked.

You could have knocked on the door.

I just pushed the car ten blocks.

I'm busy.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Sweetens.

That's a nice touch, Fonz.

It was a gift from a girl who broke my window.

Oh, some other kid, Fonz, but I took care of him.

Listen, now that you're up, we could use your help.

What am I, a rooster?

Six O'clock in the morning.

Oh, my car's not running.

You gotta fix it fast.

There was no such thing as fast.

It's hour in the morning.

I'm gonna go upstairs.

I'm gonna have a cup of java.

I'm gonna brush my teeth.

And I'm gonna read the funnies.

No!

What do you mean, no?

What's a morning without alley-oop?

Look, Fonz, I'll read alley-oop to you later.

You gotta fix her car now.

Why?

She's late for work.

Yeah.

Why didn't you say so?

Hey, go get my tools, quick.

I'm getting a month's exercise in one morning.

Here, give me a carrot.

Oh, God.

All right.

You're absolutely right.

That's broken.

Get over here.

You're going to work.

Right.

You don't want to be late for work.

No, sirree, Bobby.

No, sirree, Bobby.

You know what is very interesting, Shortcake?

What?

You work in a movie theater.

You're going to get there at six in the morning.

I like to be prompt.

Do you?

You didn't tell your father about the car.

No.

You lied to me.

Well, not exactly.

I did ask him.

I just didn't tell you he said no.

Yeah, I lied.

Hey, look, they match.

Same girl.

Thanks for helping us out, Fonz.

You know, it would look so bad if Joanie
were late for work.

He knows.

Did you tell him about the window?

I know that, too.

Oh.

I can't believe you lied to me.

The next thing I know, you're going to
lose respect for the flag.

Oh, no.

I'm telling you, Marion, I heard glass breaking.

Oh, quick, that's Dad.

If he sees this car, I won't see 19.

I know.

Tell him it's one of your cars that you
brought home to fix.

Yeah, Joanie.

Oh, come on, Fonz.

I'm in big trouble.

You don't want to see a father hate his only daughter.

Hey, what if he asks me what I'm doing here?

I, uh, get out of here.

That's a good idea.

Yeah.

It's him.

Yeah, I know.

Good luck.

Oh.

What are you two doing out?

Well, the very best of good mornings to you, Mr. C.

You know what?

We were just going to play some b-ball here, you know?

I just can't find that ball.

Joanie, did you see the ball?

No, I haven't seen the ball.

Well, let's go back to bed.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

Come back here.

Hello.

What is this doing here?

Well, Joanie lives here, Mr. C, you know?

A little A.M.

levity, Mr. C, you know?

It's a car from my... From my garage.

I was just gonna fix it, that's all.

How many times do I have to tell you
not to park your cars in my driveway, huh?

Now, what do I have to do to get through to you?

Huh?

I'm sorry, Mr. C.

Sorry is not good enough.

You keep doing it and doing it and doing it.

And what ruffles my feathers is, the last
time you gave me your word, no more cars.

Well, what do you call this, a duck?

Fonzie, you are the most irresponsible
person I have ever met.

And what's more, you're not a man of your word.

I have never known anyone... Dad, it's my car.

Now, don't try and cover up for him, Joanie.

Fonzie, I've never seen... Dad, it really is my car.

He's covering for me.

It's your car?

Is that the truth, Fonzie?

Mm-hmm.

I was just gonna return it, really.

You bought a car after I expressly forbid you not to?

Yes, I bought the car.

I wanted it so much.

So bad.

But it turned out to be such a nightmare.

Insurance and gas and repairs.

But you want to know the worst part?

The two people that I turn to when I have problems, my
parents, I couldn't talk to because I had to hide the car.

I'm really sorry for lying, Dad.

I'm sorry, Fonzie.

I know I really let both of you down.

Yes, you did.

Well, maybe it isn't fair that Richie had
a car at your age.

I'm not sure.

I'll have to think about that one.

But one thing I am sure of,
young lady, when I tell you what

to do or what not to do, it's
because I worry about you a lot.

No, Daddy.

I'm sorry.

I'm fine.

See you crying.

No, I'm not crying.

It's the morning dew.

You've had a pretty rough time, haven't you?

Yeah, I think this is punishment enough.

Think again.

Come on, give me a hug.

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Hello, B.

Smith.

She's the perfect woman.

Let me make you a sandwich.

Sandwich?

I've got something a little more
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Campbell's Select Italian Style Wedding Soup.

It tastes great.

I'll give you one more tip.

Make it Campbell's instead.

I'd made a promise to Janie.

Her new bike had to be ready.

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She prescribed me a new bike.

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I don't know why I waited so long.

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Come on, guys.

Time for bed.

Five more minutes, Mom.

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Are you going upstairs and get dressed and
get ready for school?

I want to talk to Fonzie.

Fonzie, I said some terrible things to you.

You and Whistlin' Dixon.

Well, I was misled.

So?

I'm sorry.

Will you forgive me?

Let me tell you something, Mr. C.

When I was younger, you know, words like
yours would make me Rumble, you know?

I'm older now.

I'm more mature.

And you are in no shape to Rumble.

I accept your apology.

Thank you.

It's all right.

Is Mrs. C up?

Oh, no, she went back to bed.

Well, come on, I'll make you a truce breakfast.

Okay, sweetums.

Good.

Baby cakes.

We're even.

Yeah, right, right, right.

These happy days are yours.

These happy days are yours.

My happy days.

Goodbye, gray sky.

Hello, blue sky.

All right, sure, my fair lady's okay.

But in this remake, the Brady Bunch
writers, include the one thing sorely

missing from the original Lerner and Lowe musical.

An astronaut.

It's episode number 72, My Fair Opponent.

Share them with me.

Baby.

These happy days are yours and mine.

These happy days are yours and mine.

Happy days.