08x04 - Hello, Roger

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Now, don't you dare move.

Hello?

Oh, Roger, where are you?

Oh, aren't there any cabs at the airport?

Oh, yes, I understand.

Well, uh-huh, well, we'll see you tonight instead.

It's all the same to us.

No, no, I didn't go to any trouble.

All right, bye-bye, dear.

Hey, Miss C.

I left school early to meet your nephew.

Where is he, uh, upstairs?

No, Warren, he just called and... Roger here yet?

No, not yet, Howard.

Why not?

Look, Marion, I left the store filled with customers.

Wong, the laundromat, is watching the place.

Now, I gotta get back, Marion.

Wong won't wait.

Where's Roger?

I gotta go, too.

I left four mice running through a maze.

All right, all right, all right.

Look at that taste.

I left a Plymouth up on a rack with a family in it.

You know, where is your IV-covered nephew?

Well?

Would anybody like some Hawaiian pie?

Marion, where is Roger?

Tell me first.

I got here before anybody.

Hey, that's good, right?

Well, they'll plug our ears so he can hear
the details first.

Roger just called.

His plane was delayed, and so he had to go
straight to his new job.

He got a job already?

Oh, that's great.

What's he doing?

Well, you know I don't like to pry,
and I didn't have much time.

I'll pump him when he gets here.

Well?

He'll be here tonight.

I'm sorry you all rushed here for nothing.

Oh, come on.

Don't worry, Mrs. C.

I had to change my clothes anyway so I
could teach my auto shop class this afternoon.

Why are the cowboys and Indians on the cake?

Well, I put those on the last cake that I bought for Roger.

He just loved it.

When was that, Mrs. C?

Well, 19 years ago.

What do you think, Arthur?

Well, I think I'll have the cowboy with
the Tom-Tom right there.

I'll also get the milk.

Hey, what's all this stuff?

Oh, some of Richard's old things.

I'm getting his room ready for Roger,
just until he finds a place of his own.

It'll be nice to see Roger again.

Oh, well, I hope so.

You know, it makes me so puzzled.

Why would he move here so unexpectedly?

I just have the feeling something's wrong
in his life, the poor little guy.

Marion, the poor little guy is not so little.

After all, he almost made all-American
basketball player from Yale.

He's probably coming here for a change.

Hey, look, a slinky.

Arthur, would you?

Yeah, sure, sure.

What I what?

Would you be my nephew's friend?

You show him around Milwaukee, take his mind off whatever
it is that's bothering him, and just make him happy here.

Yeah, Mrs. C, look, I got the class, I got the garage.

I'll pay you.

Marion!

You don't gotta pay me, all right?

I'll tell you what, I'll show this guy so
much fun, he'll bust a gut.

Hey, guys, look at this.

I loaned this to Rich when we were kids.

He's had it all this time.

Wow.

Hey, Fonz.

Fonz.

Huh?

Remember this.

One, two.

I'm going, Fonz.

Good morning, I'm Roger Phillips, new basketball coach.

Yeah, good.

This hurts.

Hi.

My name is Eugene Belvin.

On behalf of the student body,
may I welcome you to Jefferson High.

Can I service your needs in any way?

Well, I need a locker.

Oh, well, you can use mine.

I need a teacher's locker.

Oh, well, mine's... You can use this one
right here, the one that says Fonzarelli.

Oh, no.

No, that one seems to be taken.

I... Oh, no, no, no.

See, that's all old stuff.

See, Mr. Fonzarelli... Fonzarelli, um, the old auto
shop teacher, he went back to Italy to, uh, grow grapes.

You can just kind of throw all that stuff away.

Well, all right.

Thank you, boys.

Cheerful guys.

Oh, uh, hello.

Hi.

Can I be of any service, uh, to you?

No, thanks.

I'm just throwing away some junk.

Oh, you're just throwing away some junk.

Yeah.

Oh, let me introduce myself.

My name's, uh... Mud.

Your name is Mud.

Now, you want to guess what my name is?

Fonzarelli?

Yeah.

Two kids just told me that you were in Italy, huh?

And you believe them, huh?

Yeah, I'm not prescient.

Don't tell me about...

I'm not being prescient.

I can see you with my own eyeballs.

No, no.

Prescient.

To have unnatural anticipation of unknown events.

Oh, that prescient.

Yeah.

It goes on a left hook.

So, uh, what am I, your new head?

Yeah.

New basketball coach, few English classes.

What do you teach?

Autoshop.

Oh, Autoshop.

It's just the man I was looking for.

I went over the class schedules of some of my players.

I'm gonna have to ask a few of them to drop Autoshop.

You are new here because nobody drops
Autoshop unless they ask me first.

Well, I thought since it was
just diddling with... Diddling?

Yeah, I mean, you know, it's no... Diddling?

It's just a word.

Yeah, m*rder's a word, too.

Will you give me a break?

It's my first day.

I don't know.

The first thing I find out when I get here is a star of
the basketball team can only come to half the practices.

Seems this kid Chachi has some Neanderthal
for a cousin who won't let him get off work.

Do you believe that?

No, no, I don't believe that.

Just one question.

What's your name?

I'm Chris Nathanel.

Neanderthal.

You know, half ape.

Nothing upstairs but...

Nothing upstairs but meat.

He's got the mind of an acorn.

You're Chachi's cousin.

I don't believe this day I'm having.

I go to the airport, I rent a car.

It's a clunker, no brakes.

Like I'm pulling into the school, like I'm pulling
into the school parking lot, right into a motorcycle.

Oh!

All right, all right, all right,
all right, all right, all right.

Time and place.

Thank you, pardon?

Time and place.

Where do you want to do it?

Do what?

Have a Tupperware party.

I'm talking Rumble here, Jack.

Where do you want to do it?

Right here now?

Come on.

Two teachers fighting in front of the students?

How would we look?

I'll look great.

You, on the other hand, are going to be a mess.

I'll tell you something.

Tomorrow morning, 8 O'clock, the ball
field, and you better be there.

Anything else?

Oh, yeah.

Bring the nurse.

Mr.

C?

Yo!

Hey, don't scare me like that.

Can they fire a teacher for punching out another teacher?

What happened?

I met this guy who's running a campaign
for jerk of the century.

Arthur, you know, my nephew is coming, and we'll help him.

You solve your problems later.

All right, look, I got a one wine.

You got some animal crackers, maybe a glass of milk?

That bad, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

Help yourself.

Thanks.

There you are.

Aloo, aloo, eek!

Whoa!

We got to go.

Mom, we're going to Jenny's.

Yeah, we're going to go memorize the Ten Commandments.

They're really great.

Jenny, we're going to watch TV.

They don't mind that.

Oh, sorry.

I just automatically lied to parents.

It's a reflex.

Oh, no.

Johnny!

Oh, no!

It's good to see you.

It's been so long.

Boy, have you grown.

Roger.

It's good to see you.

It's been so long.

It's been me too.

Who is this?

This is my friend Jenny Piccolo, Roger.

She's very friendly.

Yeah?

I'll wait until she gets to know you.

Jenny, let's go.

I can handle this, Jones.

All right.

Mom, we got a surprise.

I'll be right outside the door if you want
to get married or anything.

And I'm proud to be anything.

She's so embarrassed.

What is the commotion?

Oh, Roger!

Oh, it's so good to see you!

Why did you leave your friends?

What's bothering you?

Marion, will you give them a minute?

Come on in, Roger.

Oh, Roger, I want you to come and sit down
here and tell us about your first day in Milwaukee.

What's your new job?

Well, I'm the new basketball coach at Jefferson High.

Howard, did you hear that?

I'm sitting right here, Marion.

Oh, now, I'm getting Richard's room all
ready for you, and you can just stay there

as long as you like while you look for a place of your own.

Now, tell me, how was your first day at school?

Awful.

I met this real psychotic that I think
wanted to beat me to death with a locker door.

Psychotic in the high school?

Must be the janitor's son.

He sleeps too close to the boiler.

Well, the first day is always the hardest,
but we have a friend for you.

He's going to show you around Milwaukee.

He's going to introduce you to people,
see that you make friends.

You're going to forget all about
whatever's ruining your life.

With this guy on your side, you've got it made.

Milwaukee's his town.

You can't lose.

Great.

It'll be nice to meet a civilized person here.

Arthur, Roger's here.

Hey, all right.

Whoa!

Daddy, what else?

Those little animal crackers go down the wrong pipe?

Everybody likes leprechauns.

In fact, everybody should go out and look for leprechauns.

There's no such thing as a leprechaun.

They ain't going to find any leprechauns.

Leprechauns are very shy.

A leprechaun is a mythical creature,
like in a storybook, like pixies and elves.

And they have little beards and wear green hats.

Yoo-hoo!

Hooray for leprechauns!

Leprechauns.

If you want to see leprechauns, or cowboys, watch Bonanza.

Every afternoon at 1 on TV Lab.

Leprechaun, leprechaun, leprechaun.

It's simple, really.

If we could get everybody in the country
to drive the all-new Chevy Malibu,

we think you'd agree, it's just about perfect.

The new Chevy Malibu.

Available with OnStar.

Visit ChevyMalibu.com for details.

So, you didn't like them?

Diamond earrings from Kay mean two things.

Every Kay diamond is hand-selected,
and she'll absolutely love them.

You know they go with everything.

Every kiss begins with Kay.

I don't know why she's tripping.

It was only weed.

I only tried it once.

You're grounded.

That means no phone.

Ma, come on.

Don't even think about it.

She doesn't love being tough.

She's tough because she loves.

She is the enforcer, and she knows she can
make a difference.

When I say no weed, I mean no weed.

Yeah, you want to hit this?

Can't get grounded again?

Nah, man.

I'm cold.

The enforcer.

She's more than a hero.

She's a good mom.

You're more powerful than you know.

If every little hair on her head matters,
a Nikkor zoom lens matters.

If her chubby cheeks matter.

Portrait mode matters.

If showing her off matters.

One touch upload to the web matters.

The Nikon Coolpix 2100 and 3100 turn
photography into pride and joy-ography.

Starting under $200.

Nikon.

If the picture matters, the camera matters.

So what'd the doctor say?

He said the pain that wakes me up at night
is from arthritis.

Really?

He said I should take a leave.

Doctors know a leave stops arthritis pain
for up to 12 hours.

So pain won't interrupt your sleep.

I see the leave work.

All night long.

A leave.

I just don't understand.

Marion, just breathe in the bag.

You're hyperventilating again.

I'm all right.

I just don't understand how you could
threaten a nice boy like Roger.

Sweetheart, Fonzie didn't know he was talking to Roger.

He thought he was talking to some jerk.

A very easy mistake to me.

Some kids played a joke on me.

I was wrong to take the stuff out of your locker.

What about bumping into my bike?

That was an accident.

But you should have seen how pugnacious this guy was.

Will you stop talking like that in front of Mrs. C?

How can you stop it?

And Roger, that goes for you too.

Marion, they are both grown men.

Well, then why don't they act like it?

Now, Arthur, I want you to make the first step.

You apologize to Roger.

All right, look.

I want a little nutso, all right?

So the whole thing was my...

And I'm really...

All right, now, Roger, it's your turn.

Same here.

Good.

We're all just one big happy family.

Sit down.

Don't you feel much better?

There.

Now, Arthur, you said you'd show Roger around Milwaukee.

Why don't you get him a date?

I am not a social club.

Hey, Ray, I'll get you a date.

I'll get him a date.

Oh, sure.

I can just imagine.

She probably looks like Bela Lugosi.

No, that's Marlene.

I'm gonna fix you up with Lucille.

A real knockout.

Trust me, all right?

What do you say?

Well, I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

What are you gonna do?

Play with your little stamp collection?

No, I just thought I could use a little
time to get acclimated.

Don't be silly.

We'll leave with the girls.

Oh, well, you're gonna have a good time.

Whoa.

How you doing, huh?

Hi, partner.

How's business?

It's terrific.

Hey, I reserved your table for you.

Of course you did.

Hey, you said you were gonna bring Marion's nephew over.

Hey, he's here.

He's out there talking to himself.

What's his date?

Lucille.

Who?

Lucille?

Lucille Scalabasha?

Oh, no.

Clarence, put away the glassware.

Yeah, so anyway, I don't mind working in a tattoo parlor.

It's not a bad job.

I gotta hold the people still, you know what I mean?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, before that, I was a receptionist.

Now, there's a job with no dignity, you know what I mean?

Uh-huh.

Before that, I groomed lions.

Despite what you have heard, they are not
friendly animals, you know what I mean?

Uh-huh.

Hi, Lucille.

I see you want another arm wrestling championship?

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Hey, Al, say hello to Roger Phillips.

Hello, Roger Phillips.

I heard a lot about you from Howard and Marion.

Oh, boy.

How do you like Milwaukee so far?

Oh, he's having a real wing thing of a time, right?

How do you like that?

He's in town one day, and he's already having fun.

I've been here 20 years, and I'm still waiting.

Hey, Al, I'll give you fun.

Meet the very soft, very lovely Adrienne, Lucille's sister.

Hello.

Well, it's very nice.

It's very nice to meet you, Mr. Delvecchio.

You have a very lovely establishment here.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Is she embarrassing?

You mean you two are sisters?

Same mother, same father?

That's right.

We grew up exactly the same.

Only I wasn't struck by lightning as a child.

Oh, and she...

Yeah, yeah, you should have seen it.

I don't know what hit me.

You never do.

So anyway, now I have this very big chance
to become a professional mud wrestler.

The money's not great, but it's a good career move.

You know what I mean?

Could I go home now?

Lucy!

Spider!

What's this?

You break up with me and already you're all but a new guy.

Who is this clown?

What is this, another one of your little surprises?

Hey, I didn't know he would show up.

And then again, I didn't know he would.

I told you I never wanted to see you or
your ugly face again.

Oh, is that so?

So, I bet you were going out with this
creep while you were still going with me.

That's right.

After a date with you, I would go over to
his place and we would laugh at you.

Oh, you're in big trouble, fella.

You know what I mean?

Well, as amusing as this might be, I think, come to an end.

Spider, if you want to continue.

This ain't fair, Fonz.

It's you against one.

Excuse me, Fonz.

But I don't need you.

I don't need you to handle this for me.

Follow my little finger, all right?

Don't worry.

I'm an athlete.

Yeah, right.

You're an athlete.

He's a k*ller.

You think it's more than able to fight her
right off the bat?

Look, this man is just trying to impress Lucille.

Oh.

I'll take him into the men's room and reason with him.

If that doesn't work, I was a boxer in college.

I was champ in my dorm at Yale.

Oh, yeah?

What'd you do?

Beat up a couple of guys in vests?

They were very tough guys.

English lit majors.

Animal.

I'll tell you something.

I told Mrs. G, I'm gonna take care of you.

I ain't gonna bring you home in a cup.

Fonzarelli, it's really none of your business.

What'd you just say?

It's really none of your business.

Is that so?

All right.

You're on your own?

I'll wash my hands of the whole thing.

I'll pray boo.

Thank you.

Come on, Spider-Less.

You and me step into the men's room and settle this thing.

Go get him.

Fonz, you can't let him go into a spider.

Oh, no, it's okay.

Okay, Al, he's going to reason with him.

Spider?

Fonz, you've got to get in there.

He said it was none of my business.

Okay, Lucy, let's go.

You're mine.

Once I would like to go home with the
person I started with.

See you, Adrian.

See you, Fonz.

Help.

Just kidding.

Know what I mean?

Come on, Spider.

Fonz.

Huh?

All right.

All right.

All right.

Keep your lips in gear.

There you go, Roger.

Put some ice on it.

Thanks.

I walked in there, and before I could turn
around, he hit me with the automatic hand dryer.

If you tear that thing off the wall again,
I'm going to bolt it on.

Let me see.

Ah, it's not bad.

So you wear a hat for a year.

College doesn't prepare you for all of life's surprises.

Yeah, you see that?

Yeah, college fighting and street fighting
are different things, huh?

And bathroom fighting is an art form all its own.

I don't know.

We're surprises.

Well, look, your aunt can't figure it out.

Why did you come here to Milwaukee?

When I was in college, I was almost an All-American.

Yeah, that's a good start.

So I figured I'd play pro basketball.

I got drafted by the Lakers.

You know, Baylor, West.

I've seen those guys on TV.

Very cool.

It was a dream come true.

Then two days later, it was over.

I was cut.

Why?

Those guys were just better than I was.

You know how it is.

No?

Take it from me.

It's not pleasurable.

All right.

So I know it could hurt you a little bit,
you know, but there were other things.

Yeah.

Yeah, there was Phyllis.

She's on the team?

No, no.

She was a girl I dated for nine years.

The day I got cut from the Lakers,
she ran away and married my best friend.

Oh, we're talking yuck.

They left in my car.

I don't want to hear no more.

They had a full tank of gas.

I'm getting sick now.

You know, ever since I came to this town,
I guess I've been a little hostile.

You're the one guy who could have helped
me get adjusted here.

And I've alienated you.

Nah, you just made me angry.

You know, you got something inside you.

You got to tend to your family.

Otherwise, your liver's going to turn to rock.

And we're talking medical fact here.

All right, time and place.

Fonz.

No, no, no.

I mean double dating, double dating.

Really?

Yeah.

Except this time I'll get you a real person.

You know, I'll tell you something.

It's not everybody, you know, that's got the courage
and the dumbness to go in there alone with somebody.

Spider, you know.

No matter what Phyllis says, or the
Lakers, you're all right in my book.

Thanks.

All right, let's go put that bruise to bed.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

We're going to get home.

I got to explain this whole thing to Mrs. C.

You're going to say you bumped your head.

She's going to make me crazy.

I wouldn't do that.

No, no, no.

We got to think of an excuse, all right?

All right, falling off a bus.

Hit my head on the basketball rim?

No, that's no good.

Wonderful, now we need two excuses.

Can you get through this time?

Here you go, Chetton.

With hand-picked jalapenos and crispy onions, the fresh
taste of paste salsa gives you a true Southwest experience.

Pace, grab the Southwest by the bottle.

And now, enjoy something totally new.

Pace Mexican Creations Cooking Sauces.

Attention, Medicare beneficiaries.

If you use Albuterol or other respiratory medications,
call now and ask about our portable nebulizer offer.

It's hand held, portable, and great for traveling.

And Medicare.

Medicare may cover the cost of your medication.

Call about our portable nebulizer at 1-800-270-4151.

Call today to see if you qualify at 1-800-270-4151.

Call now.

It's the reason we went for the three-bedroom house.

It's how we knew life could change in an instant.

It's how I knew I could take the job out West.

The results of your pregnancy test are too
important to depend on anything like this.

Less than EPT.

Nothing is more accurate.

EPT is 99% accurate, and its unique design
makes it easy to determine what your future holds.

It's how I first knew Benjamin was coming.

EPT.

So accurate, we call it the error-proof test.

Do you ever hear this from your child?

I'm not reading anymore.

I don't want to read.

I don't like to read.

Then it's time to help your child become a
more confident reader.

I felt terrible for her.

I was frustrated.

She was frustrated.

Hooked on Phonics can help with reading
solutions for children of any age.

With Hooked on Phonics, your child's
confidence will grow, and you'll be giving

them every chance to succeed in the future.

I was so overwhelmed at the difference in her reading.

I was almost, not to be dramatic, but
brought to tears at how well she improved.

Call 1-800-ABC-DEFG today.

In four weeks, your child will be a better
reader, guaranteed.

And get proven results with programs for kids.

From preschool to high school.

And help your child achieve their full potential.

Have your credit card ready and call


get your child started for $59.95 and find
out about free shipping.

Don't delay.

Call now.

Hey, Raji, let's go and step on it.

Hey, Fonz, I can't believe you're going to
help me find an apartment.

You know, meeting you has truly turned out
to be serendipitous.

Serendipitous, serendipitous, adjectives derived from the
faculty of finding things valuable that's not sought for.

All right.

Don't use that word on me before I'm going to carry this
little dictionary whenever we go out together, you know?

All right, we've got to blow this joint.

Let's go.

Goodbye.

Hold it.

Hold it.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

A parting gesture or a comment of leaving the room.

Very cool book.

Very cool book.

Goodbye, gray sky.

Next up, it's the Brady Bunch.

Thinking she's still in rehearsals, Susan Olsen
sticks out her tongue as she walks out of the kitchen.

Oopsies, they left it in.

See for yourself.

Episode 71 is next, right here on TV Land.

These happy days are yours to buy.

These happy days are yours to buy.

Happy days.

Happy days.