08x03 - Dreams Can Come True

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Howard, did you go out in your jammies?

No, sweetheart.

I wore a suit and changed.

I changed at the mailbox.

Hey, Marion, look, it's here, it's here.

Your burpee seed catalog?

No, my reply from the Pfister Country Club.

Oh, what does it say, dear?

Dear Mr. Cunningham and...

We're gonna be interviewed by the membership committee.

Oh, no.

And my mother said you'd never amount to anything.

When did she say that?

Oh, she called this morning.

Oh, listen, what a great summer this is gonna be.

No more sitting out there in front on hot
days in that little plastic place.

Oh, I'm so glad, dear, because you always
made me blow it up.

No letters from Richie.

Ever since the Army transferred him to
Greenland, there's no letters.

Well, you know how busy the Army is.

In Greenland?

Now what's he doing?

Sucking blubber?

Howard, I think somebody's at the door.

Come on in.

Oh, hi, Lori.

Charade, how many words?

Not for breakfast, ma'am.

Oh, I wanna play.

Will you stop?

I'm so excited.

I ran 14 blocks in my pajamas.

Somebody chasing him?

I got a letter from Richie.

Oh!

Well, that's no reason to become hysterical.

He asked me to marry him!

Whoa!

Wait a minute.

What, what, what?

I haven't given my answer yet.

Oh, what is it?

What is it?

Tell us, come on.

What do you do?

I'm going to say yes.

Oh, oh, I'm so glad you all approved.

Oh, are you kidding?

Of course we approve.

That's always been our wish.

Oh, oh, but there's one problem.

Let me read this letter.

You'll have to come up here for the
wedding because I have no leave for a year.

Oh.

I'm sorry I can't send the money to get here,
but a private barely makes enough to live on.

Oh.

Love always, your little snuggle bug, Richie.

Oh, snuggle bug?

Isn't that the cutest thing you ever heard?

It's right up there.

I can't wait to get married.

I can't either.

I can't afford the trip to Greenland.

It'll cost $800.

Wow, that's a lot.

Lori Beth, don't you worry.

Howard will pay for the trip.

Yeah.

Sure, Lori Beth, I'll pay for the trip.

Where am I going to get the money, Marion?

Well, you can use the money that we've
saved up to join the country club.

Sure.

Howard?

But the country club, Marion.

Daddy.

I'll pay for the trip.

I'll be happy.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Cunningham.

Ah, Dad.

Oh.

Dad.

Oh, but I couldn't take your money.

I don't want to start married life in debt.

No, no, it's not a debt.

You consider it a wedding gift, huh?

Oh, it's too much.

I think if we're ready to get married, we've
got to be ready to take care of ourselves.

I feel very strongly about that.

Well, somehow we're going to get you to Greenland.

I won't rest until you do.

Oh, my daughter.

Oh, my sister.

Oh, my grandson.

Dreams Can't Come True is the best show on television.

What's so great about a bunch of poor housewives
describing only tragedies in their lives, huh?

It's real.

It's pathos.

It's heart-rending.

It's heart.

Hey, how's it going, guys?

Nice to see you.

Just the girl I wanted to see.

I got a stupendous surprise for you.

What?

Are you kidding?



Fonz, I can't take money from you.

Hey, you're not taking it from me.

Are you kidding?

I entered a raffle.

I put your name on one.

I got tired of signing my name, you know.

You won.

It's America Can Happen.

No, Fonz, I don't believe you.

You don't believe moi?

No.

Just like I didn't believe you found $800 in your Wheaties.

All right, all right, all right.

That was silly, you know.

Fonz, I will figure out some way to get to
Richie without taking money from our friends.

All right.

Let me just take some.

You change your mind.

Anything I got is yours, all right?

Except, of course, my Lone Ranger toothbrush,
because hygiene is very important to me.

Oh, Pete.

What?

Our rhinoceros.

Where?

There.

Okay, cute.

Fonz.

What?

A blonde.

Where?

Here.

At last, a commercial.

Oh.

Oh, Lori Beth, I didn't see you come in.

Yeah, hi, Al.

Listen, can I talk to you for a minute?

What?

Well, see, a waitress quit last night.

I wonder if you want the job.

Oh, of course.

How much does the job pay?

$800 a week to start.

Then we negotiate.

Al, you're as bad as Fonzie.

I mean, I really do appreciate it.

Shh, shh, shh.

Quiet, quiet.

The show's back on again.

Chachi, Al.

Oh, Lori Beth, there you are.

I've been looking everywhere for you.

Hi, Mom.

Oh, Mom.

Come here a minute, Lori Beth.

Howard and I, Dad and I, want you to come
for dinner tonight.

Well, Al, you can come, too.

Oh, no, he's watching Dreams Can Come True.

Oh, that's where the housewives tell those
sad, pathetic stories.

Then the audience votes, and the winner
has their dream come true.

Yeah.

Howard just hates it when I watch that.

He says it's terrible the way these women
humiliate themselves on television.

What is life without humiliation?

Get down with you, Chachi.

I'm going to the set.

Hello?

Al's Waterworks.

Oh, yeah, yeah, hold on a second.

Lori Beth.

Phone.

Thanks, Chachi.

You bet.

Hello?

Yes, I'm running an ad to sell my hi-fi.

Well, I paid $150 worth three years ago.

What do you think is fair?

$800?

Thanks, Fonz.

Thanks, Fonz.

Nice try.

What do you mean, nice try, Fonz?

That was not a deal.

Hey, hey, everybody, come on.

They're going to announce the winner.

Oh, boy, I hope they pick number one.

Well, her husband was chopping down a
tree, and it fell on their 12 children.

Now, they all have amnesia.

And the winner is contestant number one.

Why didn't I think of this before?

Lori Beth, you're going to go on a show.

You're going to get a ticket to Greenland.

Yeah.

No way, huh?

They only take women who have a husband and children.

A minor detail, Al, a minor detail.

I will think of something.

Bring to your stuff.

I could go on for Lori Beth.

I have a husband and children.

I got it.

You're going to go on for Lori Beth.

You've got a husband and children.

Oh, that's a great idea.

I thought so.

I would just love to do that.

Thank you.

Yeah, but what if Howard sees you on the show?

He never watches it.

He never watches it.

Oh, this is so exciting.

Marion, our dreams can't come true.

Oh, come here.

The kids are the 12 kids.

There they are.

Come on.

She's your mother.

Hug her.

Oh, look at the bumps on their heads.

Wow.

Look at this.

You know, it looks bigger on television.

TV makes everything look bigger.

It does?

This is so exciting.

How are we going?

There's a lot of ladies here.

Hi, ladies.

I'm Al Delvecchio, proprietor of Argold's.

Tissues, anyone?

Hey, we better get some seats before they're taken.

Good luck, Mom.

What's the matter?

Somebody take a seat.

Bobby Burns.

Bobby Burns.

The genial host of Dreams Can't Come True.

He's coming over here.

Hi, I'm Bobby Burns.

It's nice to have you as a contestant on our show.

Bobby, that's our script girl.

She's been with us three years.

Does she work here?

Yeah, the contestant.

Hi, I'm Bobby Burns.

It's nice to have you as a contestant on our show.

I'm Marion Cunningham.

And, Mr. Burns, may I tell you what a
pleasure it is to meet you?

Naturally, thank you.

This is the lady with the sun in Greenland.

Remember, I read you her letter.

Oh, yes, Greenland.

That's where they have all those little kangaroos.

Let me tell you something.

Your hero is a real Momo.

Sit down and tell me, tell me why you
believe dreams can come true.

Well, my son was drafted in the army,
and then they shipped him out to

Greenland, and he wants to marry his girlfriend,
Lori Beth, but Lori Beth has got to get a ticket for $800.

So, that's it.

Lou, does she have to be on the show?

Yeah, Bobby, she's already booked.

And don't worry, we have some nice consolation prizes.

I'll be in my dressing room.

Not yet, Bobby.

We have to go over the commercials.

We'll see you all later.

Arthur, he hated my story.

He didn't hate your story.

No, he hated it.

He didn't hate your story.

Look, I've been watching this show,
too, and he's a little more theatric.

You know, you've got to put some oomph into it.

Oomph?

That's right.

You've got to pretend like you're doing a play.

That's it.

That's it.

Mrs. Cunningham, pretend you're doing a
play at that little theater, that's all.

Grab hold of that heart strings and play
them like a violin.

Right.

Yeah.

Hi, I'm Bobby Burns.

Nice to have you as a contestant on the show.

We met her already, Bobby.

Enjoy yourself.

Have a good time.

And remember, keep on dreaming.

It's the pants that ate Fred Mertz.

Although they appear to be typical
menswear, these pants are a parasite.

Trousers that slowly consume their unlucky host.

Fred's appetite increases as he is now
eating for both himself and his pants.

And once they get a hold of his necktie, they never let go.

Watch the eternal struggle between a man and a woman.

A man and his pants on I Love Lucy.

Weeknights at 11, right here on TV Land.

Ow!

Thank goodness, Playtex now gives you bras
in half sizes for nearly A, B,

and C, and everyone in between.

Thank you for letting me be myself again.

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So what'd the doctor say?

He said the pain that wakes me up at night
is from arthritis.

Really?

He said I should take a leave.

Doctors know a leave stops arthritis pain
for up to 12 hours.

So pain won't interrupt your sleep.

I see the leave work.

All night long.

A leave.

Johnny wants a pair of skates.

Susie wants a sled.

Nellie wants a picture book.

Yellow, blue, and red.

Now I think I'll leave to you what to give the rest.

Choose for me, dear Santa Claus.

You will know the best.

The end.

Love you, Mom.

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Live from WCAC Studios in downtown
Milwaukee, it's time for Dreams Can Come True.

And here's the genial host of Dreams Can
Come True, the dream man himself, Bobby Burns!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, and welcome to Dreams Can Come
True, where it pays to be miserable.

Hey, we've got a great show for you today with
three new contestants competing for their dream prize.

Our three ladies are anxious to get
started, and we're going to be hearing

from our first contestant, Marion Cunningham, after
these important words about how to get rid of soap skunk.

I don't understand where Marion could be.

She's usually home every evening.

Mr. Cunningham, I hope you realize you're
not the only candidate for the Vista Country Club.

We can't sit around here all night.

Oh, well, I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs.
Corrigan, but, uh, well, you see,

this is Tuesday night, and that's when she
usually goes to her charity meeting.

If you have any questions, I'll be happy
to answer them for you.

Mr. Cunningham, is your family the one
who sits outdoors on hot days in a plastic pool?

Us?

Oh, uh, no, no, that's the Burkharts next door.

It's absolutely disgraceful.

They're making a mockery out of the whole neighborhood.

I'm going to have to have another talk with them.

Fine, because what we look for in our
members above all else is dignity.

And the initiation fee.

Mr. C, Mr. C, I got here as fast as I could.

Guess where Mrs. C is?

She's at a charity meeting.

Wrong.

That's an awfully rude young man, a friend of yours.

Oh, well, he, uh, he's... He's a pet project of Marion's.

Yes, you see, he's an underprivileged youth from Burma who
Marion invites into the home for milk and cookies sometimes.

No milk and cookies today, Sabu.

But, Mr. C, Mr. C...

Sabu, it's time to excuse yourself and say goodbye.

The television.

The television.

The television.

The television.

Welcome back to Dreams Can Come True.

Now, our first dream chaser is the wife of a hardware
salesman right here in Milwaukee, Marion Cunningham.

Well, Marion, it's time for you to step into your seat.

Let's do that spotlight of dreams.

That's not, uh...

She's not...

Oh, my gosh.

And then, there was that awful winter when Richie caught
ringworm from our cat and had to have his head shaved.

That was an awful time for him.

All the little kids in the neighborhood would come
up to him, squeeze his head to see if it was right.

I thought he looked adorable.

One day, too small to climb the tree in front of our house.

The next, playing basketball.

Oh, they grow up so fast.

And then, he fell in love with Lori Beth.

I remember the time I met her.

She was wearing his Letterman sweater,
and her arms were so short that the little

sleeves just hung down like flippers,
just flattened back and forth.

And I'll never forget the look in
Richard's eyes when he was with her.

Oh.

I remember all grown up.

And now a man in uniform in Uncle Sam's
army, way out there in icy Greenland,

risking frostbite to defend this great country of
ours, separated from his loved ones for the first time.

If my dream can come true, Lori Beth will get her ticket
to go to Greenland, and she and Richie will bind their love.

And we wedded husband and wife,
and have little American babies.

Thank you, thank you.

Isn't she a doll, folks?

Okay, Marion, sit down.

Now, for contestant number two,
all the way from Lubbock, Texas,

Miss Emily Sitz.

Well, Stan Sitz.

Laughter laughter I'm here today because my
husband Earl's been out of work for the past two years.

He was fired after a back injury at the plant.

I started taking in the neighbor's laundry till
there was a fire and the house burned down.

Laughter There wasn't any insurance,
and what little money we had, well,

it was in the house at the time of the fire.

Laughter We was saving that money for
little Earl Jr. to go to Rodeo Clown College.

Laughter Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.

Both my parents need an operation or they're gonna die.

Laughter.

Thank you, Emily.

Listen, we'll be right back with
contestant number 3 after these important

words about 16 ways to surprise your family with cheese.

Laughter Oh, that was such a sad story and
hardly anyone clapped for it.

Oh, she didn't put any oomph in it.

You know?

She's got nothing to oomph about.

Well.

I sort of feel guilty.

Oh, no.

We couldn't have known about her.

And we shouldn't have felt guilty.

Now, Fonz.

Whoa.

Oh.

Laughter That was the saddest story I ever heard.

Are you kidding?

It stunk.

She stood there like a dummy.

My husband Earl's out of work.

Psst.

Excuse me.

Hi.

We're back now.

Laughter And now for contestant number 3,
all the way from Bangor, Maine.

Let's hear it for Helen.

Helen.

Helen Hanley.

I'm here today because my husband was
transporting dynamite when kaboom.

Laughter.

Well, we've heard all 3 heartbreaking
stories and now's the time for that big

moment to decide which of these


come true and to do that, we'll go to our applause meter.

This is terrible.

I didn't want the money this badly.

I know.

It's so embarrassing.

I'm embarrassed.

Are you embarrassed, Fonz?

Don't say my name out loud.

He's embarrassed.

Now remember, it's up to you
people right here in our studio

audience to reach down deep
in your hearts and pick a winner.

Who will it be?

Will it be Helen?

Will it be Marion?

Or will it be Emily?

Let's hear it first for Helen Henley.

And now, Emily Sitz.

And finally, Marion Cunningham.

Yes, our winner today is Marion Cunningham.

Congratulations, Marion.

Come on up here.

Oh, we've got flowers for you.

We've got a crown.

And most of all, we've got $800.

Come on, all of Marion's loved ones,
come on up here and give her congratulations.

Well, Marion, I know it's an exciting moment for
her, but tell me, tell your dream man, how do you feel?

Lousy.

Well, $800 is as high as we go.

No, that's not what I mean.

I thought that everything would just be
wonderful if I could win the ticket for

Lori Beth and she could go to Greenland and marry Richie.

But now I have to listen.

Listening to Helen and Emily, I realize
that everything is already wonderful.

These two ladies have real problems.

Lord, do they have problems.

I shouldn't even be up on this stage.

Now, this really belongs to you.

Now, this is not enough.

It's just a start to try to get your
family back on its feet.

And you take that little boy and get him
into rodeo college.

Rodeo clown college.

Oh, yeah.

Well, this has just been such a special day for me.

And I thank you all so much.

Not the face.

Hey, isn't she a doll?

That's it for today.

We'll be back tomorrow with another big show.

Dreams can come true.

Join us in.

Goodbye.

Oh, that was great.

What else do you want to watch?

Sabu, would you mind stepping outside with
me for just a second, please?

Oh, sure.

Mr. Cunningham, your wife is a remarkable woman.

She demonstrated a lot of class.

We're going to recommend you for membership.

Well, thank you very much, but I've decided not to join.

You just... Well, I'm really not kidding.

You see, I'm going to give my initiation
fee to my new daughter-in-law.

I should have insisted that she take it in the first place.

But somehow I let her talk me out of it.

Because I wanted to join the... Well, I was wrong.

Thank you so much for your time, and good day.

Well, good day, then.

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Now, remember, I don't ever want Howard to know about this.

I saw the show, Mary.

What did you think?

I think you were just beautiful.

Oh!

Let me taste some, Mr. C.

That's very good.

Very lovely, because this woman was worrying.

I almost forgot.

Last night, this tooth dropped right out of my mouth.

I put it under my pillow, and a tooth
fairy brought me 800 smackers.

Just for you.

You got $800 for a tooth?

Oh, yeah.

We're talking a big tooth, like a fang, you know.

Fonzie, look, this is my responsibility.

Now, I know that you're a very generous
man, but I am the father of the groom.

And this is going to be my wedding gift to
Richie and Lori Beth.

Right.

Now, Lori Beth, I know how you feel about... I'll take it.

What changed your mind?

Oh, those two poor women, Helen and Emily,
they had nobody to turn to for help.

I do.

I'm so lucky.

Why should I be ashamed to have friends?

Do you see that?

I told you everything would work out all right.

Now, I am so excited about this wedding.

We have so many lists to make.

There is not... Marion, save your breath.

You'll need it to blow up the pool.

Fonz, I think you're the sweetest,
most generous man in the whole world.

Well, at least let me pay for the wedding cake.

Richie and I will do the same when you get married.

Hey, you don't got to do that.

You know what you can do?

What, Fonz?

I'll tell you what you can do.

You name your firstborn after me.

What if it's a girl?

So?

Next on The Brady Bunch, they're cousins.

Identical cousins.

Alice's militaristic double.

They could have used Anne B.

Davis' real-life twin to play Emma, but they didn't.

Stay tuned for episode 70 next on TV Land.

These happy days are yours and mine.

These happy days are yours and mine.

Happy days.