08x02 - Live and Learn

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

This night is staggering around.

Joanie, I always stagger just before I fall.

All right, just one more second, I've almost got it.

I wonder what's taking Dad so long.

Who knows, maybe Fonzie's plane was late or something.

Is my juice ready?

Almost, Mother!

Wait, Mom, Mother Cal's got you jumpin'.

Well, think how she feels.

She comes to visit and she sprains her ankle.

I've got it.

All right.

I think that's them.

Oh!

Mom, drop your lemon.

Friends, it's them.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting your
friend and mine, direct from Rome, Italy, oh, wait.

Just to see this very important moment in my life here.

What do you think?

It's very... Yeah?

Dashing.

Dashing, I like that, I like that,
all right, dashing, yeah.

Come here.

How you doing?

Good.

Oh, it tickles.

Oh.

Hey, Fonz, why'd you grow it?

Yeah.

I didn't know the Italian word for razor.

You know, I kept pointing to my face, they kept feeding me.

I got to shave it off later, right?

How is Italy?

There wasn't too much pinching, Arthur.

No, but I got my share.

I'm black and blue up on the left side.

Listen, just before I go, I'd love to see my man.

Oh, yeah, Fonz, I got it right here.

Is that all?

No, no, no, this is just today's.

The rest of it's upstairs.

Oh, that's great.

Listen, did you happen to see anything that
looked, you know, kind of official or anything like that?

No, just the same old stuff.

All the business letters went over to Al's,
and the ones with perfume are right here.

Whoa.

But it was nothing like, you know,
special or anything like that?

No.

Why, are you expecting something?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'll catch you later, all right?

All right.

Arthur, it's so good to have you back.

Thanks a lot.

You're welcome, old Fonz.

Fonz, Fonz, there was a letter from the Board of Education.

Great.

Where is it?

Al's got it.

Well, uh, Al's got it.

Yeah, I better go and see Al.

I really missed him.

Besides, the guy goes away for three weeks.

I mean, he can't go visit his letter.

Partner, I'll see your letter.

Later.

Fonz, it's good to see you.

And your beard looks great.

Al, the man.

You want your beard.

That's right.

Here it is, Fonz.

Coming up, me.

Thanks a lot.

Hi, Fonz.

What are you guys doing here?

Nothing.

Yeah?

Well, why don't you just go get a tape?

Oh, we will.

Yeah, good.

All right.

That's good.

Hey, man, this is crazy.

Why don't you call Clarence out of the
kitchen to read my mail?

Clarence!

I was kidding.

Never mind, Clarence.

Whoa.

What is it?

Yeah, tell us what it is.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Come on.

Stop it.

All right, hold.

I'll give you a break.

No laughing.

You're looking at the new teacher of auto
mechanics down at Jefferson High School.

Oh, Fonz, come on.

Come on, Fonz, you said you were going to tell us.

Yeah.

You think it's funny?

I don't think it's that funny.

I've been waiting all summer for this letter.

Yeah, I'm going to teach.

That's right.

I mean, I take experts for certain classes
like that, you know.

You think it's funny?

I think it is an honor.

I can't believe it.

He's on the level.

Yeah.

Oh, this is a real honor.

You're going to be a great teacher, Fonzie.

You know, with the beard, you'd look like a professor.

Yeah, you think so?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll keep it.

All right.

Good luck, partner.

Thanks.

When do you start?

It says tomorrow.

That soon?

Oh, that doesn't give you much time to prepare.

Prepare what?

Well, your curriculum.

What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?

You'll be great, Fonz.

You think so?

Yeah.

Of course.

Of course.

I mean, teaching's like a piece of pie, right?

You know something, you pass it on.

Sure.

Theo, we should... I wish that Richie was here, you know?

He was the one who encouraged me.

He always said it was time to pass on my
genius to the youth of America.

Hello,

I am Professor Fonzarelli.

Why don't you get the spelling down there?

And, uh, good morning, class.

Good morning, Mr. Fonzarelli.

I like that.

I like that.

There are no apples up here.

There's not one apple.

Don't worry about it.

It's the first day.

You're going to love me so much.

You're going to bring me fruit, vegetables, meat.

I know, I know, I know.

I'm tired.

I don't care what your name is.

You're late.

You're late.

You didn't bring me an apple or anything, did you?

Huh?

Forget it.

Forget it.

It's all right.

It's all right.

All right.

We're here to get... Yeah, it's down the hall to the left.

Oh, not that.

You want me to fill out a seating chart so
you can learn all our names?

That's very thoughtful.

That's very nice.

Thank you.

Be seated.

All right.

We're here to get...

Do you want me to empty out all the waste
paper baskets for you?

That's... That's... That's very nice of you.

You... That's... Be seated.

All right, look.

What I...

Could I hang up your coat?

Oh, I got it.

I know what you're talking about.

There's one of you in every class, huh?

What's your name?

Fletcher?

Mm-mm.

Lowe?

Is it Eugene?

Yes, Eugene.

Oh, that's perfect.

That's wonderful.

And you want to help me with my coat?

Every day on Clap Out the Eraser.

There are no teachers, pets in here, Eugene.

Hey, what's the curriculum?

Ask Joanie.

All right.

Now, look.

I was talking to Principal Davis, you know?

The bald-headed guy?

It's not funny.

And he was saying to me, we're going to
meet here twice a week for 36 weeks.



Are you kidding me?

I'm going to teach you everything you need
to know about cars in five weeks.



You're going to be a brain surgeon in 36 weeks.

All right, now.

Before class started, I took this
carburetor, I removed it from this here engine.

I'm going to teach you how to build a car
so fast, you're going to amaze your friends.

But I don't have any friends.

I know.

All right.

Are you with me?

I said, are you with me?

What do you got, binoculars?

Get up over here.

All right, now, think it.

Today, we're going to go over the
carburetor, we're going to go over the

cooling system, going over the brakes, if we
get a chance to loop job first, the carburetor.

Okay.

You got your carburetor, which is sitting on your gasket,

which is sitting on your intake
manifold like that, all right?

You're with me so far?

That's good.

Okay, here you go.

You take your washer, you put it on your
stud, you take your nut, you put that on

your stud too, and then you tighten it up with what?

With your half-inch so it don't fall off.

You pull this through, hit it back, you put it
on your washer, then you put it on your nut.

You tighten it up with your half-inch
because you don't want it to fall off.

You take your hose, you take it to your
intake manifold, you take this to your

inlet manifold right here, like that,
and who's going to be first?

Freeze!

I didn't say green light.

All right, get over here, Eugene.

Oh, I... Get over here.

I'll give you a hint, you move your hands.

Yeah, but you went so fast.

Go stand in the corner.

What?

Go stand in the corner.

Yeah, but I'm taking down names.

I'm going real slow.

Go stand in the corner.

All right.

All right.

What did you do to that guy, huh?

Use his head to open a locker this morning?

We're talking slow, huh?

All right, you're next.

Come on.

Oh, well, I don't really think... What's his name?

Bobby.

Get over here.

Okay.

I take this hose and I put it right
underneath there just like that, see?

And then I just wind it back a little bit very carefully.

You with me on this?

And then... Pete!

Drink out of the same cup as you, Jim.

Well, no, I just... I thought
that I... Go stand in the corner.

I was just going.

Very sharp.

Very sharp.

Please.

You're next.

You can do it.

Come on.

You can do it.

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Hey, Vanessa, I'm home.

Hey, what are you doing?

Baking.

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And it's a joke, right?

I mean, the bell's going to ring.

Everybody's going to come up here
and put it in correctly and everything, right?

Right?

Wrong.

All right, get up here and do it.

Do I have to?

Yeah, you have to.

Enough, enough.

Show it some mercy, will you?

I mean, I don't believe this, you know.

I learned this when I was 12 years old.

Some old guy showed me I got it just like that.

Next time, bring him with you.

What'd you just say?

You didn't teach us nothing.

Hey, do you know who you're talking to here?

I just did this for the guys at the Ferrari factory.

You know what they did?

They stood up and applauded.

Hey, that was a wonderful, they said, huh?

One guy gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Oh, so you're sore I didn't kiss you?

You're a very lucky fellow, you know.

Now, class is over.

Get out.

Can I have a transfer slip?

What's that?

You've got to sign a transfer slip so I can
get out of this class and into another one.

You want to get out, huh?

Yeah.

You're going to quit?

Yeah.

You're going to quit?

Yeah.

That's fine with me.

All right.

I'll give you a transfer slip.

I'll give you a transfer slip.

Where are the transfer slips at?

Oh, here they are.

Get back there, you cheat.

All right.

Who else wants a transfer slip?

You all want one.

Well, that's just fine with me.

You know why?

Because maybe I'll get some real students in here.

Step right up.

What is your name?

Never mind.

You don't need no transfer slip.

You don't need no transfer slip, and you want to know why?

I'll tell you why.

Because I quit, that's why.

You quit?

Yeah.

Who came in?

Hey, it's me, Mrs. K.

Will you tell Herman to shake a leg?

Still calls you Herman, huh?

Look, you just started teaching.

What did you quit for?

Because they put me in with a bunch of pea brains.

That's why I showed them how to put a carburetor in twice.

They couldn't get it.

Simple stuff.

I was 12.

I saw it once.

I got it like that.

Uh-huh.

And that's it?

No.

They didn't bring me any fruit.

Fonzie.

Yeah?

Did you ever hear of Rogers Hornsby?

Fonzie.

No, but I know what curriculum is.

Well, Rogers Hornsby was one of the
greatest baseball players who ever lived.

He hit 400 three times.




retired as a player, he became a manager of a team.

Taught the other players how to hit, you know?

But you know what happened?

No, and the suspense is k*lling me.

Well, he couldn't teach, Fonzie.

He didn't have the Patience or the understanding.

You see, he expected all the players to be
as great as he was.

Fonzie, teaching is a skill, an art.

You've got to arouse the curiosity and the
willingness of the student to learn.

You know, a student's mind is like Clay,
and the teacher's supposed to be the sculptor.

What are you talking Clay and sculpture?

I went to school.

They didn't sculpt.

They pounded.

What did you do?

I dropped out.

That's what I did.

Oh, because of the teacher.

That's exactly right.

What do you think?

I'm going to sit around with...
Oh, boring things like that.

Have those people treat me like...

Oh, I know what you're doing, you sly fox.

Oh, that's good.

No cigar, because nobody, and I'm telling you,
nobody, is dropping out of high school because of the Fonz.

Just out of curiosity, what happened to this Hornsby's?

Oh, he's in the Hall of Fame.

Need I say more?

Huh?

I mean, it's not my fault, is it?

A student's got to change, that's all.

That's great juice, Herman.

Good morning, class.

Good morning, Mr. Fonzarelli.

All right.

Looks like we've both made the decision to
be here together again.

The principal said it was too late to transfer.

Yeah, he said the same thing to me, that ball head.

We're just going to pretend that it's a
brand new day, fresh start.

Here we go.

Everybody gets another shot, okay?

Hey, hey, hey, I don't want to hear it.

I don't want to hear it.

Now, this morning, class, before we
started, I took this carburetor off this engine.

Listen, we're all going to get another
shot and put it back in, all right?

When you get over here, everybody over here.

Come on, come on, come on.

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

All right, who's going to be first, huh?

Let's go, Mr. Transfer Slip.

Here we go.

Look, we went through this stuff yesterday.

Hey, we're starting off fresh.

What's the difference?

I didn't learn it yesterday.

I'm not going to learn it today.

Hey, look, it's not your fault.

I ain't too swift in any of my classes.

All right, all right, the rest of you just kind of
sit down there and amuse yourselves, huh?

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Let's go.

I thought this, maybe this I'd be able to learn.

What's the difference?

A couple of months, I'll be old enough to drop out anyway.

Oh, you're going to drop out, huh?

And then what are you going to do?

Get a job.

Where?

Oh, somewhere.

Doing what?

Something.

Oh, you got this?

Whole thing planned out, huh?

You ain't going to get no diploma.

You're just going to go up to the guy and
say, hey, give me a cushy job.

I fell asleep in my classes, huh?

Life don't work that way.

Doesn't work that way.

He agrees.

What are you, my father?

Hey, trust me, I ain't your father.

Yeah, right, right, right.

Face it, I can't learn this stuff.

I haven't got the smarts.

Don't you understand that your brain is
Clay and I got to squeeze it?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I don't think I meant to say that.

All right, all right.

All right, look.

I'm not going to explain this to you.

See, I mean, it's my job to get it through your heads.

All right, all right.

I was nine years old.

I had a pal.

His name was Joey.

He was great.

We were like that, right?

So he's got a confirmation.

He gave me an invitation.

I had to go wear a tie.

I didn't know how to, you know, make a tie.

I call my uncle Squinch Hill.

So he comes and he puts his big arms
around me, puts that tie around both our

necks, and then he starts making the tie, you know?

With my hands and everything, he pulls up the knot
real tight, he almost strangles us to death, you know?

But I learned how to make the tie.

Yeah, that's how my father taught me.

That's how your father taught you.

Well, then come up here and let's tie a tie.

All right.

I will put your carburetor right on your studs.

There you go.

All right.

We'll get your hair finished.

There we go.

Now, pick up your washer, right?

Pick up your washer right here.

Don't worry about it.

Put it right on there.

Pick up your nut.

All right.

And we will tighten and tighten.

Oh, you're doing great.

See that?

All right.

All right.

All right.

What's next?

What's next?

Pump rod?

No.

Throttle shaft?

No.

Here, let me give you a little hint.

No, no, no hints.

Not quite, just a little hint, right over here.

Gaskets and connector.

I think you got it.

All right, all right, what's next?

You go home.

No, no, no way, not until I'm finished.

I agree, you just did.

I finished?

That's right.

I did it?

You did it.

How about that?

I did it!

What are you, nuts-O?

There you are.

Where is everybody?

Oh, they left after the first four hours.

Well, what difference does that make?

You did it, you must feel terrific, huh?

I'll bet you do great in your other classes now, too, huh?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Well, what other teacher's gonna stay with
me the whole day?

Hey, I'll have a Fonzie really chat with him.

You have no idea how enthusiastic they can get.

All right.

Oh, I got a date.

You mind if I split?

Of course I mind.

We're gonna do the breaks now.

Get out of here.

All right, congrats.

Oh, uh, hey, teach?

Yeah?

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Potsie, what are you doing?

Gathering Fonzie's hair.

Well, I know that, but why?

Do you know the value of this stuff?

There is a crowd of girls out there.

This could pay my way through college.

What kind of man profits from another man's beard?

Oh, boy.

These hot dogs are silly like hotcakes.

Could you keep him in here a little longer?

I'm sorry, he's finished.

Give us some hair.

For free?

Yeah.

Me too.

Wait.

Now, Arthur, would you turn around to the light?

Whoa, hello, cheeks.

I better go out there and calm the multitude.

Excuse them what?

All right, ladies.

This face is open for business.

These happy days are yours and mine, happy days.

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

There's nothing that can hold me when I hold you.

If it's all right, it can't be wrong.

Next on the Brady Bunch, Peter's Scoop
Brady publishes all the news that's not fit to print.

And finally learns that yellow journalism,
libel, and bribery are wrong.

It's episode number 69, Power of the Press.

Stay tuned.

These happy days are yours and mine, happy days.