06x19 - Bobby Brown, Heidi Gardner & Jimmy Kimmel

[bunniefuu]

[touch tones beeping]

[phones ringing]

[upbeat music]

[children singing]
Come one, come all

’Cause we’re having a ball

We’re just making
some calls to strangers

We’re back on the cell

And the world’s
gone to hell

But you’re gonna
feel swell

When they pick up

From New York to Alabammer

They’ll probably wanna
throw our a*s in the slammer

’Cause we’re disturbing others

Maybe even your mother

Won’t you join
the Crank Yankers tonight?

[upbeat music]

- I got my date right here.
Can you explain it to her?

[phone line trilling]

- [bleep]
Hello, this is Madeline.

How can I help you?

- Hi, Madeline.
This is Bobby Fletcher.

- What's up?
How can I help you?

- Yeah. I went swimming there
a few weeks back at your place.

And the water was
really cold that day.

- Mm-hmm.

- And, I don't know
how to explain this

without being inappropriate
but my p*nis,

you know, got really small
and hasn't come back yet.

- Mm-hmm.
- From the cold water

from that day.

I went to my doctor
and he's like--you know,

he even tried and it just
won't come out again.

- Mm-hmm.

- So he's thinking maybe,
you know, call you guys to see

if this has happened to
other men that have gone there.

- No, I have never actually
received a caller inquiry

about that before.

And none of our patrons
have had that problem.

- Really? Well, maybe
they didn't open up about it

'cause it is
kind of embarrassing.

But doctor said maybe
if you guys heat the water up,

you know, maybe it'll pop
back out again if I go back.

I don't know if I should
try that or. I'm not sure.

- I mean, the water's always
kept at about 81 to 84 degrees,

and it doesn't really fluctuate
outside of that range.

- Well, the day I was there
was cold, I just know that.

I mean, you know,
I usually have a problem

with shrinkage in cold water,

and it usually pops back.

- I'm not entirely sure, like,
how to advice this situation

just because we don't have
much manipulation

of the pool temperature,
we leave how the water is.

- Look, it's always small
but this is ridiculous.

I got a date over, and I'm
supposed to go on a date.

I don't know what to do.

- As I said before we haven't
got any calls like that.

- My date is right here.

Jill, would you be able
to talk to her?

'Cause I don't know what to do.
I'm panicking.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- I'm on a date with this guy
and, like, he's telling me

that his p*nis
is normally bigger.

- Mm-hmm.

- Is there--do you guys have,
like, video

or something of before
when he came?

- I mean, our pool has a camera
but there--

- 'Cause I honestly I'm not
trying to date a liar again.

Because this is, like,
the sixth time.

- Yeah, I
completely understand.

I'm sorry. I don't have
advice for the situation.

I'm not fit to give advice
on this situation. So.

- I get it. It's fine.
[trembling] Thanks.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to put you
in that situation,

just wanted to talk to you.

- That's fine.

- What did you say to her?

Did you say that
don't worry about it?

- I just told her--
she just asked

if there's, like, videos,
but like I said,

there's nothing really
that we can go and do extra.

The best thing for you

is to continue to talk
to medical advisors

and seek
a better medical opinion.

- But you told her it's normal,
right,

that I got a micro p*nis?
Did you tell her it was normal?

- I'm sorry, sir, I can't.

- No.
Well, I told you what happened.

It happened at your place.

I mean, it looks like
a popcorn shrimp.

- Probably need to seek
medical advice

instead of having to call our
facility about that because--

- I already went to my doctor
and he said

to call you guys back.
That's why I called you.

- I'm not sure why he said
for you to call us

because we're in no position

to be able to give
any opinion on the case.

- But your pool,
so it's your problem.

- I mean, it's not my pool.

I'm just an employee
at this facility.

[pop]

You're never gonna
believe this!

It just popped back out.

- Okay.
- Holy sh*t.

I'm back, a full three inches.

- Well, I have to go
rotate my coworkers. So.

- I'll call you tomorrow.
I'll let you know what happens.

♪ ♪

She was good.
She hang in there.

♪ ♪

[phone line trilling]

- [bleep]
This is Nadia speaking.

- Hi, Ms. Nadia.
My name is Shasta.

I would like to order a coffee
pie with extra syrup, please.

- I think you have
the wrong number.

- No, no, no, no.
This is Pie Lattes, correct?

- Yes.
- Okay, fantastic.

I would like to order
the coffee pie

with extra syrup,
the pie latte with--

- I'm sorry. I think you have
the wrong number.

- I don't have
the wrong number.

I know what I Googled.
I know what I called.

- I'm sorry. I don't understand
what's going on. Is this--

- I want to order
a coffee pie syrup.

Extra syrup please.
I want my pie latte.

I would like my sugar
on the side.

And I would like
a key lime pie, please.

- Pilates is a fitness concept
invented by Joe Pilates.

It's a fitness concept.
We're a workout studio.

So I think you just might
the wrong business. I'm sorry.

- That doesn't make no sense.

That's like me telling you
that I work at a Baskin-Robbins

and then say, "No, it's not
an ice cream place,

it's a stationary bike place."

That doesn't make sense.

- All right, have a great day.

- Hello?

[phone line trilling]

[phone ringing]

- [bleep].
This is Nadia speaking.

- Hey, Nadia.

I just spoke with you.
I'm Shasta.

And I--I--I've been Googling
this Joe Pilates guy

that you was talking
to me about.

And it looks like
he's really big on coffee.

- Ma'am, I don't understand
what--

- I am going off your website.

It says Pie Lattes.

- It doesn't.

- I need pie and I need it
inside a pie latte.

- What website are you on?

What's the address
of the website that you're on?

- I will call Joe myself.

- Joe's dead.

- Girl, Joe ain't dead.

- Okay.

I don't understand this joke.

- You know what?
Here's the joke.

You don't serve pie lattes.
That's the joke.

You're wasting my time.
How about that?

- You're calling me.

So I think you're the one
wasting your own time.

- You know what?
I'm gonna call corporate.

- Well, there is no corporate.
I'm the manager.

So I don't know who you think--

- Baby, everybody
have a manager

and also everybody have--
you know what?

Do you laugh
at all your customers?

- This is a small independently
owned business, sweetie.

This is not a chain.

- I get it. I'm going
to Starbucks, sweetie.

How 'bout that?

- We don't have
any food products here.

We have water. That's all.

- Then what the f*ck
do you do? Hmm?

- I sell a service,

and you clearly don't know
that service is, which is fine.

- Then please--you know what?

You know what? I've been
searching for pie lattes.

And now you're telling me
you don't have pie lattes

when your place
clearly says pie lattes.

Please, please, explain to me
what your service is. Please.

- You may have misread
the website,

and that's--
I completely understand.

But it does say Pilates.
There's no E.

So it's not pie.
That's okay.

- Then the least you can do
is change the name

of your business to Pilates
not what you think this is.

- All right.
Well, you have a great evening.

I need to get back to work.

- Can I just get a turkey club?

[hangs up]

Nadia was a good sport.

- My name is Mike Tyson.
I will stand outside

of your shop
and bring customers in.

- No, thank you.

- Can you imagine
being knocked out

inside of a flower shop
by Mike Tyson?

- You cannot hit people
in the face

when they walk out
of a flower shop.

- But wouldn't it be funny?

- Let’s try to punch
out publicity.

♪ ♪

[phone line trilling]

- Good afternoon.
[bleep] Flowers.

- Hi, good morning.
Good afternoon. How are you?

- I’m doing well. How are you?

- I’m doing wonderful,
sweetheart.

But I’m calling you

to give you guys
a lifetime supply of customers.

My name is Mike Tyson.
I will stand outside

of your shop
and bring customers in.

- No, thank you.

- What do you mean,
no, thank you?

- We’re good.

- Why would you say that?
You don’t like me or something?

- I personally can’t
make the call.

My boss has to make that call.

- I-I really wanna explain
to you what I do.

- Okay.

- I will stand outside
your establishment, right?

- Mm-hmm.

- And when the people--
when the people

come to buy their flowers,

they come in
they get their flowers.

As soon as they walk out
I coldcock ’em, just punch them

right in the face
and knock ’em clean out.

- Well, that’s ill*gal.

You can’t just punch people
in the face.

- That will make ’em
buy more flowers.

- No, it won’t.

It’ll make ’em go away
from our business.

- No, no, no. Can you imagine
being knocked out

in front of a flower shop
by Mike Tyson?

This is something
everybody looks forward to.

- Okay. So this is what
I’ll do for you then.

Okay? This is what I’ll do
for you then.

If I can get your name
and number I will write it down

and I will pass it on to my
boss and I will let my boss

talk to you personally--
- You promise?

- She’s the one that makes
the decisions here.

I do not. I work under her.

- Listen, you can give this
to your boss.

- Mm-hmm.

- Can you just imagine somebody
coming out of a flower shop

and just getting their teeth
knocked out of their mouth?

- You cannot hit people
in the face

when they walk out
of a flower shop.

- But wouldn’t it be funny?

- This is Nicole
with [bleep] Flower Shop.

My employee just told me
that you called

wanting to do
some promotion for us.

- Yes.
I really think this promotion

will be spectacular
for your shop.

- And how are you gonna deal

with the lawsuits
and stuff like that?

- That’ll be on the police
officers that try to stop me.

- Well, no, the lawsuits won’t
be on the police officers.

It will be fall on my business
under my insurance.

- No. I get sued all the time.

- Okay.

Well, I mean, if you think
it’s something that we can do.

But I mean, I can’t--I
would have to sign some papers

saying that this is all on you,

that I am taking no part
on this.

- But you’re gonna sell ’em
the flowers, right?

You sell ’em the flowers,

and we hold
the competition worldwide.

- Okay. Well, may I ask

what other florist
you have in this competition?

- I only thought of you guys.
I heard you guys were the best.

- Okay.

- I’m just getting
back into boxing,

and flowers are gonna be needed
for all of my opponents.

- Okay. Well, I do understand.

- You gotta give me the nod.

- If I give you anything that
makes me legally responsible.

So I can’t give you anything.

However, if you choose to stand
out there, that is on you.

- Will you have posters up
inside

where the customers can see?

- No. If you wanna do this

it would all have to be outside
of the business not inside.

- Some of the customers
I can bite their ear off.

- Okay, yes, sir.

Honestly, I don’t have time
for this anymore.

I am running two businesses
and--

- Okay, how ’bout this.

One bouquet of flowers
with every tooth I punch out.

- Sir, I’m really being nice.

I do not have time
for this right now.

- Can I get a discount
on roses?

- A discount on roses?
Well, I--

- I want, like, 27 dozen roses,
all different colors.

- 27 dozen roses. Okay.
All right.

Well, yeah,
we can definitely help you out.

But like I said,
I am out of town for today.

But I really appreciate
you giving us a call and--

- Listen, I want you
to do me a favor.

I want you to watch me
on Pay-Per-View next week,

me against Hamster.

- Okay, I sure will.

- It’s a hamster named Craig.
- Yes, sir.

Well, good--I wish you the best
in the fight. All right.

- I’m gonna punch
his little guts out.

[video game music]

- I don’t have anything
for you.

Did you ever try
one of these dating apps?

- Yeah. Well, I was on
Gonna Get You Some,

and I did not get me any.

I mean, I got me
a few venereal diseases,

I’ll tell you that right now.
I’m on medicine and I’m fine.

- That’s not good.

- I'm 5'11.

That's close
to model tall, honey.

In heels I'm a sky scraper.

You know what I'm saying?

[phone line trilling]

- Yacht rentals.
Can I help you?

- Hi. My name's Angela.

And I was calling about
Yacht rentals for this weekend.

- Okay. How many people
do you have in mind, Angela?

- Well, I'd like to get
on a yacht with about 20 guys.

- Without food it's $5,495.

And with food it's $5,975.

- Okay, I'm just gonna
sh**t you straight

because you're a girl
and you'll get it.

Are there guys that have
rented yachts this weekend

because I would like
to ride on their yacht.

I'd like to mete a man.

- Okay.
We only do private events.

- Okay. But are there any guys
that you know?

Any clients that you have

that are attractive
or that are tall?

- No.
- Or that have big feet?

- No.

- That you would recommend me
kind of hanging out on the dock

and, you know, seeing
if they invite me onboard.

You know what I'm saying?

- Yeah. I don't know.

I don't think--no.
We don't do anything like that.

- What about, like, a bulletin
board where I can post an ad

or bring flyers
down to you that's like,

"Single girl looking for
a yacht guy,"

You know, must be taller than
four feet." That's it.

- I think you're talking
more of a public thing

where people come on
two at a time,

you know, two,
four, six, a group.

But ours is like--
not like that.

- And I totally get that 'cause
honey, I've done booze cruise.

I'm kinda booze cruising myself
in my pad right now.

[laughs]
Talk about Pinot!

But I've totally done
the booze cruise life.

I've done a year of that.

And I just, you know,
the guys--

- Yeah.
- They're losers.

You know,
they're just filthy losers.

- I got you.

- You know what I mean?
So I'm trying to--

- I know. I do.
I don't know if I can help you

with anything like that,
honestly.

That's what I'm saying.

I don't think ours
is the right venue for that.

- I get it.
And I'm sure this is

the answer
you have to give most people.

And I didn't wanna lead
with this,

but I'm gonna
throw it out there.

- All right.

- My cousin is Sebastian Bach
of Skid Row.

Does that change
things for you?

- I don't even know
who that is.

- Oh, my God.
You don't like hair bands?

Girl.

- No, I don't even.

- Poison, Motley Crue,
Skid Row.

- No, it doesn't mean
anything to me.

I don't even know
what you're talking about.

Is that a show?

- No, it's a band, girl.

- No. I don't know.

- What about captains?

Boat captains that are,
you know, if I can't get--

- No. They're all yucky.

- Why? What are they having sex
on the boat with--

- I don't know.

They're just old
in the industry.

- Old? Oh, old in the industry?

- I don't have
anything for you.

Did you ever try
one of these dating apps?

- Yeah. Well, I was on
Gonna Get You Some.

And I did not get me any.

I mean, I got me
a few venereal diseases

I'll tell you that right now.

I'm on medicine and I'm fine.

- That's not good.

- No, it's not.
Have you ever had one?

- The only way to get anything
on yachting right now

is going to Florida.

Right now yachting
in New York is not.

It's not the time,
it's not the thing.

So unless you go to Florida.

- Honey, I'm packing my bags
right now.

What city in Florida?

Like, Key West or Orlando?
Are there--

- No, no.
- Or the Disney cruises?

- Go to, like, Palm Beach,
over there.

Palm Beach or Fort Lauderdale.
No, no, no.

Fort Lauderdale is the boating
capital of the United States.

- Okay, do you wanna come?
What's up?

What are you doing
this weekend?

- No. [laughs]
- What? Why not?

- But thank you for calling,
I appreciate it. Bye.

- You told--thank you.

So sweet.

- Nicole has a weird phobia
when it comes to butterflies.

- We could have her at
the conservatory by herself.

- Yes.

- We do have people
that don't realize

they have a phobia
until they get in there.

- Oh. And then what happens?

Do they go crazy
and go wild and stomp them?

- Terrence Catheter.

C-A-T-H-E-T-E-R.

[phone line trilling]

- Butterfly [bleep].
This is [bleep].

- Hi, [bleep].
This is Terrence Catheter.

I’m calling,
hopefully you can help me.

My client Nicole Kidman
is interested

in visiting your facility
to be among the butterflies.

- Oh, very nice.
- Yes, yes.

So here’s the thing.

Maybe you know this,
I don’t know,

but Nicole has a weird phobia
when it comes to butterflies.

She’s terrified of them.
They just--

- That happens. That happens.

- Yes. And so she wants
to conquer that fear

because that’s the way she is.

And so what she would love
to do is to be suspended

by a harness

to fly amongst the butterflies
to be as one with them

and perhaps put an end
to this silly phobia.

- Well, I don’t know
about being suspended.

’Cause we are--we would not
be able to have anything

in the conservatory
that would do that.

But before we open
to the public,

I would definitely be able
to take her on a VIP tour.

- Yes.

- We could have her
in the conservatory

by herself kinda gently
get through that phobia.

- Yes.

- We do have people
that don’t realize

they have a phobia
until they get in there.

- Oh, and then what happens?

Do they go crazy
and go wild and stomp them?

- Well, not stomp ’em but--

- Is there something that
butterflies are attracted to

like a nectar
we could smear all over Nicole?

- Well, I don’t know
if you wanna do that.

If she has a phobia, that’s not
exactly the best way to go.

- What about a sweet flavored
body paint?

- You know,
we have flowers in there.

We have fruits.

And we have fruit bowls
that the butterflies are in.

- They have fruit bowls!

See, her therapist has told her

to cocoon
in preparation for this.

So we’ve rolled her up
in a blanket,

and she’s just relaxing
right now.

- Yeah, absolutely.

- What we wanna do is
when Nicole enters

in her wings resplendent
as a butterfly,

we’d like everyone to just
treat her like a butterfly.

- We have about 50
or 60 different species.

So she would definitely
be amongst the butterflies.

- Then maybe if she loves them
we can take some home.

- No. Actually, the butterflies
that you see here are tropical.

So they come from Costa Rica,
Malaysia, Thailand, Africa.

- The butterflies--Nicole.

Nicole, the butterflies
speak all different languages.

They’re from all
over the world.

She just kinda moved a little.
She’s still in her cocoon.

But she--it seems like
she was nodding.

Oh, isn’t this so interesting.

Who would be afraid of such a--

I always make fun of her,
I’m like,

"These are the cutest
most elegant little bugs."

Are they bugs?
Would they be considered bugs?

- They are insects.
Yes, they are insects.

- Yes, they are insects.

But they are--they’re like
insects at a ball or something.

- So did you have a date
in mind

that you were
wanting to--it sounds

like you’re on
a tight timeline.

- Yeah, we’re just working
on our sh**t schedule.

But coming in before or after

would definitely be something
we’d be interested in.

- Well, one thing to keep
in mind butterflies

are solar powered.

So when the sun goes down
they don’t fly, they sleep.

- What if we just clear
all the customers out?

- We can’t do that, sir.

- Could we blindfold everyone?

Is there any way
we could just--

- No. No.

- She’s metamorphosizing
right now.

Oh, it’s glorious.

It’s glorious.
She’s emerging from her cocoon.

- So when you--yeah, when you
decide on a date or if you--

- Nicole’s been through a lot,

and she just needs to get
this one out of her, you know.

- Not a problem. Yeah.

And you said
your name was Terrence?

- Terrence Catheter.

Like the tube
you put in your urethra.

- Yes. Okay.
- Yes.

It’s been such a pleasure.

I will be back talking
to you soon, okay?

- Awesome. Thank you so much.
- Wonderful.

Keith, Nicole,
it’s gonna happen!

[phone hangs up]

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

- Look at that.

- MTV