11x07 - Defining Women

[bunniefuu]

Previously, on
"The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"...

- You're going kind of slow.
- Okay, wait.

I'll give her a little kick.

Yeah!
Oh, my God.

Let's dream up Mr. Right.

I would say kind,
loving, sexy.

Sexy.

- Not too big.
- Oh.

[laughter]

Let's discuss the elephant
in the room.

My life drastically
changed this week.

I let go of my marriage.
I let go of everything.

I didn't leave a note.

You just left?

Crystal brought up
you bringing

the jacket into her room.
She was really upset.

It's a little defamatory
to say that I violated you.

It's over.
It's really over.

Look at me.

Picture of
normal health right here.

- [laughter]
- Sure.

Why y'all laughing?

That's pushing it
a little bit.

[♪ ♪]

This town is a game
of chess,

but no one's
takin' this queen down.

My lips are legendary,

and they will never gloss
over the truth.

If you want a starring role
in my life,

you better drop the act.

Dress like there's
no tomorrow,

and then tomorrow,
do it again.

Anyone who doubts
my exquisite manners

can kiss my exquisite
derriere.

Hollywood
is full of pretenders,

and I slay them all.

The strongest substance on
Earth isn't diamonds,

it's me.

*THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS*
Season 11 Episode 07

[upbeat music]
Episode Title: "Defining Women"
Aired on: June 30, 2021.

More toys, yay!
Trouble, one of my favorites.

- Oh, we love it.
- Sorry!

- Good.
- Play-Doh.

Oh, my God, the kids
are so gonna be so happy.

Step right up.
Bring some toys.

A little tired from last
night.

The amount of dumplings I had,
I just... I want to apologize.

Ha!

Mmm.
Who cares about a diet?

How many do you think
you ate?

Like 20...
I don't know.

- It was a lot.
- Oh, my God.

You're pulling on
my love bug.

I've had a crazy week.

So we're doing this live
stream, as you know,

from the Royal Albert Hall
in London.

How long you gonna
be away for?

- Two weeks from start to finish.
- You know this is gonna be

the first time
we're away from one another?

Yeah, it's gonna be weird,
isn't it?

Can we get an 8-foot Dorit?
Like a great picture of you?

- I don't think we need an 8-foot Dorit.
- In your bikinis.

That'd be amazing.

Uh, I don't think
we need that.

- There we go.
- Are you ready?

- I'm ready.
- Three, two, one.

We're live!

Hi, everyone.

I'm here at Project Angel Food.

We have these fabulous boxes
for our gift...

- Wait, wait, wait.
- Are we live?

Nope. Not yet. Three, two.

Hello, everyone!

[car honks]

Oh, my God!

[engine revs]

She's luxurious.

- She's feeling it.
- So sexy.

Gonna give her some gas.

Aah!

I love you for this.

[laughing]

This is fab, honey.

So this is my midlife crisis,
divorcee...

Is that what I'm having,
a midlife crisis?

Based on Tom's
two previous divorces,

he's a fightin' mother**** er
till the end.

If I got a Bentley out of
this divorce, I'd be thrilled.

Hi!

- Oh, my God.
- That's... oh, God.

[laughter]

It'll be fun. I promise.

- Hi.
- Hi, how are you?

So I have rented this spa.

Get out. That is so cool.

So we can be mask free.

You're gonna find yourself
newly single.

So we gotta stay
fresh and young.

Well, I'm always down
to stay fresh and young.

Yes. However,
I do have a care package kit.

One, well, I just like these.

And then who doesn't like
English toffee?

I've been through a divorce.

Divorces take
a really long time.

And especially when
it's a complicated divorce.

Frankincense and myrrh.
As in rich people divorce.

Some candy, some cookies.
I'm sorry. It's very naughty.

You need to treat yourself
to something wonderful.

And then there's
a little Dom in there.

Aah! I've got chips,
candy, champagne.

That's the divorce kit.

Thank you.

It'll get you
through the next day.

The more things you can do
to pick yourself up,

the more you need to do it.

And your friends are crucial
in that whole process.

When you're feeling sad,
eat this bag.

[laughs] Yes.

- I will.
- How are you feeling?

So, like, what's...

I have moments
where I feel good...

Yeah.

And moments where
I feel really lost.

Are you calling
and texting and stuff?

No, no. What is there to say?
I'm sure he's very mad at me.

- Really?
- Yeah.

We were married
to really powerful men.

They get very,
very possessive.

- All the time.
- If you think that

- he's gonna roll over...
- No.

And just say,
"Oh, here, honey.

Here's your small fortune."

Are you ****ing kidding me?
I know who Tom is.

I know how mean
and utterly dismissive Tom is.

You have all this confidence.
You have great looks.

- Great intellect.
- Excuse me, Erika.

This is me talking, not you.

I saw it for 22 years.

It's not like he's gonna say,
"Oh, great, hon.

Do you want the sofa?"

- Let me set you up.
- Thank you.

The women's locker is gonna
be right over here, guys.

Go in there, change out,

and then once you're ready,
I'll set you up.

No Peeping Toms
in this bathroom, okay?

You know what...

You just stay
in your dressing room.

You're gonna get in trouble.

You're gonna get in
...in' trouble.

You better lock
your door, girl. [laughing]

[♪ ♪]

Every day, people are
gonna try to test you.

We'll all just take a breath.

[inhales]
Now hit me.

Elbow. Hah!
Knee. Hah!

Headshot. Nice.

Push. Step in with that.

Hah! Elbow.
Hah! Knee strike.

Nice. Hit me up. Move me.

- Get out of my... in' way.
- Ha ha.

Again. One, one, two.
Left hook, right elbow.

Hah, hah, hah, hah!

Ah-ee, nice!

We ain't playing
peewees no more.

I got into boxing
because I was trying

to get the baby weight off
after I had Max.

And I've always struggled
with body image.

All right, move me. Nice.
Roundhouse, here.

If I stop working out
for some reason,

my body image changes.

So having a regular routine
really helps that.

Spinning backfist. Yes!

Hi, buddy.

- Hey, Zoe.
- Are you gonna work out?

No.

Yes, you... come on, Zoe.
Come on, Zoe.

- Come on.
- No.

Follow me, baby.

One, two, roll, cross,
hook, cross.

- One, two, roll.
- What do you mean?

Okay. Princess then.

You're the jester.

Zoe is stubborn.

She is what everyone calls
mini-Crystal.

- You ready?
- No.

- Take her in.
- No!

You come out and work out,
you can stay.

So I try to guide her

as opposed to like this
with her, I think it's better.

[Zoe sobs]

Girl.

- I don't want to do it.
- Here.

I remember, as a kid, if you
pushed me too much, it's over.

- Maxy.
- Max, you're next.

Even now, I think my friends

would describe me
the exact same way.

I'm not an instigator.
I'm not a fighter.

But I will defend myself
if I know I'm right.

Come on. Three, let's go.

Two. And one more. Hit me.

Knee. Good. Again.

- Knee, knee, knee, knee, knee.
- Come on, Max. Go.

You know, you want a kid
with spark, you know?

You want to know that
there's passion inside

and you have a very
high energy house.

But sometimes it's too much.

- Take a nap.
- Ha ha ha ha.

[chuckles]

Okay.

- She's got a secret.
- She's going potty,

and she'll call me
when she's done.

- Yeah?
- I got to go.

So it's gonna be
for three minutes. Ready to go?

- Yeah, I'm ready.
- Go for it.

Oh!

[BLEEP]. Oh, my God.

It's always nice
to get into cryotherapy.

The Ice Queen
can take it, baby.

- It's snowing in there.
- 30 seconds remaining.

I'm good at it, you know?

I'm cold.
[laughs]

Thank you.

I want to use my hair
as protection.

All right, get on in there.

And you want to do only
one minute, is that correct?

- Girl, yes.
- Go!

Okay.

30 seconds remaining.

- Holy sh...
- You're doing good, hon.

Keep going.

- There we go.
- Holy sh...

You made it.

Just getting like
a brain freeze.

- Well, that's okay.
- Sauna time.

Oh, yes, honey.
This feels good.

- It's really good for you.
- Should I get one? I have one.

I mean, well, I had one.

- Okay, I have to ask.
- Go ahead.

Are you mad at him
for not coming to see you

in New York for "Chicago"?

- Yeah.
- I would be... in' pissed.

Yeah. It hurt.

Yeah, of course it did.

Your wife that you have
supported and funded

becomes a lead on Broadway,
and you don't come to the show?

- I wonder if he regrets that.
- No, he does not.

Jeez.

And then I have to go
out there and defend him.

What did Tom think, Erika?

Well, you know, Tom wasn't
unable to come to the show.

We were waiting
until the... yeah,

Tom was gonna come
and COVID happened.

So he never saw the show.

Now you tell me
if I feel loved.

A lot of the reason
I was on Broadway

is because of all
the great support

that Tom had given me
throughout the years.

- Yeah.
- This was the payoff.

But why weren't you there,
even come for 24 hours?

- I don't get it.
- No.

It's tough.

It's not a marriage
between Mauricio and Kyle.

It's not a marriage
between Dorit and PK.

You know, my marriage
was different than any of them.

That's the hardest part to...

I think reconcile.

You know what I learned,
honestly,

about moving to New York
in those four months there,

I was like,
"Wait a minute. I'm on my own."

Right.

- Like literally.
- Right.

And I'm okay.

- Yeah.
- I'll be okay.

I'm really hoping this
is helping you relax.

I've had a lovely day.
This is very sweet of you.

You're one of
the most kindhearted people...

- Aw.
- In my life.

It's a real part
of who you are.

- It is.
- And I love it.

Why, thank you.

Coming up...

My daughter is linked
to a guy named Scott Disick.

- So there's something to it?
- Yes.

Oh.

[upbeat music]

[♪ ♪]

We hope this helped,
and we hope that you'll be able

to reestablish a relationship
with your mom

and pursue your dreams
at the same time.

Please let us know
how it's going. Okay?

Thank you. Bye, ladies.

All right.

Being a talk show host has
always been on my bucket list.

But I thought I'd be in
a fancy studio,

having my parking spot.

Never imagined that I would be
doing it from home.

Hi. All done.

- Hello, Mom.
- Hi, baby. How was class?

- Terrible.
- Boring.

- What did you have?
- Math, Religion, French.

- Okay.
- Computer Science, History.

- You had all that in one day?
- Yes.

- You guys hungry?
- Yes. So...

That looks good. Yes, honey?

What happened to my fish?

The black and white one
is Dorit

because look at her,
fabulous style.

Fashionable, right?

The regular goldfish is Kyle.

- Oh, sh...
- [laughing]

Well...

You k*lled my fish.

No, I did not k*ll your fish.
The Kyle fish died.

Oh, that's the bad one.
I don't like that one.

Oh, wow. Okay.

For a goldfish,
Kyle lived a long life.

[soft piano music]

God rest his soul.

Glenda was going to replace it
without you knowing.

- Exactly.
- Ah!

- But she didn't get...
- I would like a frog.

It was her birthday,
by the way.

It was? Happy birthday!

- Yeah. Thank you, honey.
- Happy birthday.

Once I got "The Real,"
things got really busy.

Thank you.

Glenda was hired because I just
have too much on my plate,

and I can't do it all,

especially
with the boys homeschooling,

and trying to date.
Hello, that too.

How would you guys feel
if I got married again?

I would not like it.

Not happening,
but fine, sure.

Why do you say
it's not happening?

[laughing]

- I wouldn't like it.
- Oh, you wouldn't?

- No.
- How come?

Why would you want
to marry someone?

Well, 'cause I liked
being married.

Sometimes I wonder how much
the divorce has shaped them.

When Jax was little,
I was putting them to bed,

and he said,
"When I'm with you, I miss Dad.

And when I'm with Dad,
I miss you."

Don't you want me to have love?

- You love me.
- I do love you.

[gasps] Oh, my God.

Are you declaring
your love for me so that I...

Wait a minute,
you're probably gonna be sorry

- you said that.
- Oh, God. Here we go.

I have to be sensitive
about their feelings.

But at the same time, I feel
like it's important for them

to see what a healthy,
happy relationship looks like.

I want to model
what they should do

and what not to do
when you love someone.

Anyways, we don't have
to talk about that.

There's no... I don't have
any plans right now.

Except if Brad Pitt
comes along.

If it's Brad Pitt, honey,
all bets are off.

[laughing]

You know how much
I love Brad Pitt.

[upbeat music]

[♪ ♪]

Coming!

- Oh, cute!
- Hi!

Are you ready to get
in the Christmas spirit?

I brought hats.

- Get the [BLEEP] out of here.
- I hate you.

- I'm ready.
- Ooh, she's pretty.

You know what?
I've never had a Range Rover.

So this is my first one.

Ooh, I love a new car.
I love the smell of it.

Yeah. And the chemicals
really do you right.

Love it.
What's been going on with you?

I went to see Garcelle
last night at her new place,

which is
really pretty actually.

- Is it?
- And she said to me,

"So do you mind if I talk
about a little gossip?"

And I said, "No."

I went to a store,

and this woman
who's a salesperson there said,

"Well, I've seen Tom
at a restaurant

with a blonde girl
that's 60 years old."

It's possible.

But I don't know
who that person is.

So no third party
on his part?

Not that I know of.

It's not the first time
I've heard it.

But if I'm 81 1/2 years old
and out there still trying

to get some p*ssy,
hats off to you, player.

Okay.

And we got on to the other
stuff that was said online.

Honestly, I... yeah. No.

I was seeing my old "Dancing
with the Stars" partner.

Oh, Gleb.

And then I was seeing
Scooter Braun.

I did read that.

I haven't seen either one
of them in 4 1/2, 5 years.

- So where does that come from?
- It's silly as [BLEEP].

Who comes up with this sh...?

You know,
if I gave a good sh..., I'd sue.

But I've got so much
on my plate.

I don't really care.

You can't
even acknowledge the sh...

You can't. People still
wouldn't believe you.

All right.
Well, I guess on another note,

we can talk about my daughter

who is linked to a guy
named Scott Disick.

And I was like, "Okay, come on.
Right? Like, come on."

Okay, 'cause when I was
reading the sh... about me,

and then I glanced over that,
and I was like, "Well, no!"

No! Okay, right. So I think
the same thing, right?

And she's like,
"No, we're just friends."

We need to take Dad
to dinner somewhere.

Okay.

Okay.

- Okay.
- Love you.

Love you. Oh. Okay.

And then, I guess
a couple days ago,

Amelia sends me a video of
Amelia and Scott on the beach.

- That's the picture I saw.
- Yeah.

So there's something to it.

- Yes.
- Oh. Oh, Amelia!

Yep, Erika!

Coming up...

Aah!

Oh, my God.
Aah!

- [wailing]
- Who is that?

[upbeat music]

Amelia and Scott.

- What? What the [BLEEP]?
- Yeah.

I mean, it's a what-the-[BLEEP]
moment.

You're like,
"What the [BLEEP]?!"

- Yeah.
- She's 19.

He's 37 with 3 kids.

Hello! I only know Scott Disick
from "The Kardashians."

And Scott was with Kourtney,
not married.

They have three children.
Oh, God.

I am a little nervous
about it.

I'm a lot nervous about it.

But there's
nothing you can do.

And the more you push,
the bigger deal.

- I know.
- Does Harry agree with that?

Yeah, he does.

You know, Harry was with
Ursula when she was 44

and he was 28.

Well, I was with Tom
when I was 28

and he was 50, whatever
the [BLEEP], add 33 years.

So I am not the person
to be talking.

Anyway. He's calm about it.

I'm a little more like,
"Oh, Jesus."

Amelia has had her struggles
in the press.

But it's now a new headline.

No one's talking about
the eating disorder anymore.

And you know what? Thank God.
As a mother, I'm like, "Good."

This gives her another label
to deal with.

Ha.

We're thinking
it's a phase, right?

It's a phase, whatever.

I don't want
to bring attention to it.

Has anyone reached out to you
from that family?

- No.
- Okay.

Should I text Kris?

Should I be like, "Well..."

Like, so I've done nothing,
in other words,

'cause I also don't want
to bring any attention to it.

Attention to it.

Turn right into
the parking lot.

- So anyway.
- Oh, here it is.

All right, I'm gonna put
my Christmas hat on.

- Do you want one?
- [BLEEP] yeah, I want one.

Okay, good.
They're silly, right?

Oh. Cute, right?

We're getting Christmas
decorations for your house.

- Yes.
- Oh, this is so pretty.

- Oh.
- Let me know if I can help.

- Okay.
- Ooh, candles.

- Vintage gardenia.
- Gardenia.

- Oh, that's gorgeous.
- That's really nice.

Truth is, I could have taken
a lot of things from the house,

but I didn't.

- Isn't that pretty?
- Yes. I love it.

- Let me take your things.
- Please.

There were so many beautiful
Christmases.

It just brings up a lot
of memories, a lot of joy,

a lot of fun

that I can't even compete
with my new little home.

- Got that one.
- Good, I like that.

I don't have anything.

And that's why it's so sad.

When Santa comes.

Santa ain't bringing me sh...,
honey.

Santa brought me a divorce.
[laughs]

You know who loves
Christmas is Lois.

Aw, what's gonna happen
with Lois? Are you gonna go?

We can't.
I've seen Lois

every single year
for Christmas my entire life.

- I'm still alive.
- You are still alive.

That's great.
I love you so much.

I can't wait to see you
in person.

[laughs]
Okay.

To not see her this year
is really, really hard.

I don't even think I'm gonna be
able to leave California.

I think they're gonna
lock us down again.

But...
[phone rings]

- Hold on.
- We have the same bag.

- Adorable.
- Hey, girl. Hey.

- Oh, my God.
- h*, h*, h*!

Where are you?

We were just talking
about that.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Let's do it.

- See you tomorrow.
- Both: Bye!

- Anything else we need?
- I think I'm good.

Do you want to get Scott
a Christmas present?

Oh! Why can't I send Scott
over to your house?

He's not into me, honey.
I am too old.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

[♪ ♪]

This is gonna be
the yummiest dinner!

I love that your dad cooks now.

What oil do you use?
Can you help me, babe.

Well,
you need vegetable oil.

Ugh, this is the problem
with this kitchen.

Well, it clearly wasn't meant
for short people.

Portia, stop.

I don't think growing up
with sisters can prepare you

for being
the mother of four daughters.

- Mom, our lettuce is rotten.
- It is not rotten.

It's brand new.
Why do you say that?

- It smells really bad.
- Okay, Miss.

When they were little,
you are their favorite person.

Oh, look at you!

They love you,
they want to be with you

every second.

Did you put fake nails on?
Oh, my gosh.

I also want makeup
for my eyes.

That is not the best idea!

And then that's it. They don't
want anything to do with you.

You're not cool.
Honey, your hair looks so cute.

- Whatever.
- Doesn't your dad look so cute

with his hair cut like that?

- You look funny.
- I'm always looking funny!

Aah! No, stop! Stop, stop,
stop, do not [indistinct].

I just did.

Dad, I literally
will jump a few.

That's lovely.

This age is so fun.
[forced laugh]

I think we made way
too much broccolini.

Your sister is gonna be
coming home in one week.

It's safe to say that Sophia's

and Portia's favorite people
are each other.

So it's been very difficult
for Portia

ever since Sophia
went to college

because a big piece
of her heart went with her.

Okay, you guys, we have
to be happy and excited.

- We are. Can't you tell?
- Oh, by the way,

you need to start thinking
about the bat mitzvah dress.

Mom, no.

You should be excited
about that, Portia.

I don't even know
what to wear to a bat mitzvah.

You know what's sad,
we missed them all

because of COVID
and the quarantine.

Looking back,
with my other daughters,

this was such an important year
of their lives.

I'd like mine to be
very big and extravagant.

You like purple.
Your room's purple.

You want to make it elegant
or more party?

Both.

Portia has a completely
different experience.

She's never set foot on
the campus of her new school.

She's not meeting people,
not socializing.

So it worries me,
as a mom, for her.

We're gonna have
a small service at the temple.

But she... can I tell Dad
how you're feeling today?

- No.
- Oh, I want to.

Mom.

She was literally in tears
today about speaking Hebrew.

Stop.

She's so nervous about all
of the bat mitzvah stuff.

Is it the Hebrew mainly
that's making you anxious?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I'm not good at it.

So as much as we can have her
learn more, we need to do that

so she's more comfortable
and has more confidence.

- [speaking in Hebrew]
- Stop.

I was just about to
say the same thing.

That just means I need
to go to the bathroom.

I have all the confidence
in the world in you, my love.

[phone rings]

Where are you?

Love you. Bye.

Between Portia's mood swings
and being stuck inside,

I decided it's time for Portia

to have a little happiness
in her life.

So we have set up
a surprise for her.

Portia, dinner's ready.

Oh, this looks so yummy.
So Alexia is on her way home?

I love having this app
where we can stalk our kids.

- It's amazing.
- I never use it.

You always use it.
Stop lying.

Honey, you always use it.
I literally am

in Louis Vuitton
and you walk in.

That's 'cause I just know
you're always in Louis Vuitton.

- Hi, guys.
- Hi, honey. How are you?

- Hey.
- Smells delicious in here.

Who's that?

Aah!

Oh, my God!
[screams]

- Who is that?
- [Portia sobs]

Who is that? Who is that?

- Portia, come.
- Is that Sophia?

[Portia sobbing]

I can't breathe!

When we had to leave Sophia
in D.C.,

Portia cried
all the way home...

[Portia bawling]

Because they have
such a tight bond.

- [sobbing]
- I'm home!

- I want to hug you.
- I can't breathe.

Two days, you can hug her.
We have to be careful right now

because she just
came from school.

I did test negative,

so, like,
I'm just being extra careful.

So she sees you
but can't touch you.

I'm always in awe when I
watch my daughters together.

They love each other so much.

And it's something I hope
they never ever lose.

Why don't you guys touch toes?

[Portia crying]
[Mauricio laughing]

Coming up...

When I meet Scott Disick
for the first time...

Oh, no. Come on.

- Do I need to call him lord?
- Yes, absolutely.

- No.
- Thank you.

- Are you kidding me?
- And you do a little curtsy.

- He's too damn old!
- I know!

- +- He's old.
- And he's got three kids.

[♪ ♪]

- Oh, my goodness.
- Yay, I'm so glad.

Oh, my God. It's so beautiful.
Thank you so much.

Oh, my God. It's so amazing.
It's so incredible.

I didn't grew up
taking selfies.

Portraits of people in their
house of themselves;

have I thought, "This
is a little narcissistic?"

Yes.

Amazing.

But in this instance,
how am I not gonna hang it

hang it up on the wall?

It's so incredible. My God!
It's just unbelievable.

Wow.

Okay, I want
to get dressed now.

Kyle's hosting a c*ck
party in Santa Monica.

We need to slick this hair

'cause it's gonna
'fro out hard.

You know I'm just a tomboy

just looking all drag
right now.

Growing up,
I was always a tomboy.

But, you know, when
you're married to a director

and you have to go
to all these events

and wear these fancy clothes,

luckily, he always
has a stylist around,

so I don't have to do
any of the work.

Hi.
Like this, I did not buy.

Oh, my God.
I don't thinking I can

wear these shoes all night.

Oh, God. Can I have a brownie?

- Yes.
- I don't ever eat.

Well, no, that's a lie.
I eat too much.

Delicious.

Thank you, Joseph.

Okay.

[doorbell rings]

I'll go get her.

Hi.

- Hi, honey.
- You're really dressed up.

I am. I don't want
to ruin your makeup.

- I know.
- I'm just eating brownie.

If I had white on
and I had a brownie, forget it.

Bye, guys! Adios!

Y'all look too fancy
for me these days.

You look like a present.

Wow, that's... you're
all wrapped up.

- I'm in jeans, okay?
- Go, go get in.

We're late. Go.

Okay. Okay.

[♪ ♪]

- Are you gonna have a drink?
- Yes.

I'd be drinking right now
if I could be.

- Yeah, me too.
- I thought about it.

I'm drinking earlier
and earlier in the day.

Well, there's nothing else
to do right now.

You know, we had to preorder
for this thing today.

I ordered tacos.

I ordered steak
and mashed potatoes.

- Oh, that sounded good.
- But I didn't order it.

I ordered steak
and mashed potatoes,

but I ate steak last night,

and then I ate steak
for breakfast

so I'll just have
another steak tonight.

Well, if you find yourself
newly single,

you got to get
your meat somewhere.

So have your steak.

[sighs]

So what's your plan
for Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Let's see.

We are actually
gonna take it easy.

Yeah. My mom's coming over,
and that's it.

- Is your mom a great cook?
- No.

- No?
- She'll k*ll me.

Um, she cooks Chinese,
like, soup very well.

Like, seafood stew and soup.

- Oh, well, soups...
- Yeah, like every night...

That's how a chef is judged,
on the soup.

- Really?
- Yes.

Okay, well,
then she's an excellent chef.

I'm kind of tempted
to get those long nails.

- Crystal, is she coming here?
- I have no clue.

I just want to get along.

You know, we have
to laugh it off.

And she needs to get a sense
of humor about some things.

- And she's funny.
- That would be nice...

She has a sense of humor.

I'd love to see
her sense of humor.

You've not seen it yet?

No, but I've seen her t*ts.

I'm just kidding.

Oh!
[mutters, laughs]

- So pretty.
- I haven't been here before.

I've heard of it though.
Thank you so much.

Hi, ladies.
Welcome to The Huntley.

- Hi. Thank you.
- Thank you.

Oh, this is pretty.

- Oh, this is fabulous.
- Oh, wow.

- Can we order a drink?
- Of course.

Tequila on the rocks

with a lot of fresh lime juice
and fresh orange.

- I will have a regular coke.
- Of course.

Thank you.

Well, who is
this beautiful lady?

Hello, girls.

Oh, my God.
You look so great.

Hi, sweetheart.

- Thank you.
- Whoa.

- Hello.
- Yes!

- How are you?
- Hi. I'm good. How are you?

Hello, mama.

Well, nobody could
get bored of you.

Good. I hope not.

- You are so fancy.
- You need to stand up.

Yes, my love.

You need to show me
this whole thing.

It's the whole thing.

Dorit commits to her brands,
from head to toe.

Dorit!

Baby, I'm sorry,
it's just too good.

The hair.

You're never gonna go,
"Is that Louis Vuitton?"

Because it's screaming.

- Hi.
- Hi, guys.

- Hi!
- Hello, mama.

- How are you?
- Hello. Hello.

I'm gonna do a striptease.

[sexy music]

That's it.
That's all you taking off?

She looks like a big ol' gift.
Rip off the whole outfit.

Sutton!

You look like you're straight
from the runways of Paris.

My God, they're loud.

We're walking into
a bridal shower.

- You were cackling down there.
- We started without you.

- Hi!
- You look great.

- Muah, muah, muah, muah!
- You look great.

Let's move over there, guys,
shall we?

Oh, yeah. Let's move.

Let's get some appetizers
before we go sit down.

You guys want some of this?
What is this, beef tacos?

Uh-oh, I just dropped
a piece of bread.

- Oops.
- I'll just do this.

- Can you make the hot toddy?
- Of course.

- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

By the way, how are the girls?

- Girls are good.
- Good.

- Yes, girls are good.
- Very good.

Oh, I have a question
for everybody.

Yes.

When I meet Scott Disick
for the first time...

- Oh, no.
- Do I need to call him lord?

Yes. Absolutely.

- No!
- Okay, thank you.

- Are you kidding me?
- And you do a little curtsy.

- He's too damn old.
- I know!

- He's old.
- And he's got three kids.

Coming up...

The reality is what it is.

I know... see,
now I'm getting angry.

You do not want me
getting angry.

[♪ ♪]

- He's too damn old.
- I know.

- He's old.
- And he's got three kids.

That is not a good match.

Would I be freaked out
if I had a daughter

that was dating an older man?

No, I was the daughter that was
dating older men all my life.

So no.

- I just wouldn't allow it.
- Hell no.

I would lock her up
in the house

and take away her cell phone
and spank her.

From someone that knows
a little something

about having daughters
in the public eye,

it could be worse, you know?

Hi, Dorit.

Dorit, we're talking
about Scott Disick.

- Oh, anyway, mazel tov or no?
- No.

- No, no, no.
- Isn't that Merry Christmas?

Um...

Happy celebration. Good luck.
Merry Christmas.

No, mazel tov
is like congratulations.

- On...
- Mazel tov

- is like congratulations.
- Oh, I thought you meant...

I'm like, oh my...

Just tell her to
do not be the cow

that buys the milk for free
or whatever that is.

No, no, no. Why buy the milk
when you get the cow for free?

No, the other way.

There's a lot of milk
in this town.

How does Harry feel?

Daddy thought he was 27
and Daddy was...

And when he found out
he was 47, he's... no, I'm 37.

[laughter]

- You're terrible!
- Oh, leave me alone.

I'm getting a divorce.
[BLEEP] all of y'all.

This too shall pass.
That's all I'm gonna say.

Okay, good.

I'm just gonna say
this too shall pass.

Okay, good.

My son Oliver, who I thought
was lost beyond lost,

he calls me one day
and he goes,

"Mom, I met this girl
and we hit it off.

She has an eight-year-old,
a six-year-old,

and a two-year-old.

When he told me that Sam
was pregnant, I thought,

"My God, this kid knows
how to sabotage his life."

Hmm.

Oliver was lost
for a very long time.

My son Oliver
has dealt with addiction.

- Oh.
- Wow.

We've been through so much.
I did everything I could.

I supported. I did tough love.
But it was a really rough time

for a very long time
for all of us.

You know what?

The best thing that
has ever happened to him...

- Beautiful.
- Is Sam.

Oh, hi. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Hi, OJ. Oh, my God.

- He's still waking up, Mom.
- Too much.

Oh, my God. He's so sweet.

They're all now
my grandchildren.

- I love that.
- So you cannot...

- You can't.
- Yeah.

Judge a book by its cover.

- By its cover.
- Wow.

Well, congratulations, Rinna.

You might be
a grandmother of three.

No, [BLEEP] you! No!

All those grandkids
that are Portia's age.

- Let's go sit down.
- Let's sit down.

You guys,
let's all go sit down.

Kyle, where are we
sitting, honey?

- Wherever you want.
- I like it right here.

I'm telling you,
it's gonna go away.

I know, it is.

Lisa, you know, truthfully,
my mother couldn't stand Mike

in the beginning
'cause he was bold.

- When I met Mo...
- Oh, yeah, that's right.

- I wasn't Jewish.
- You had been married.

Divorced, with a baby,
an actress,

like couldn't get any worse.

So his grandmother acted like
I was invisible.

[laughing] Thank you.

So I wrote a big long letter
to her saying,

"I love your grandson.

And no one's gonna treat him
better than I will ever."

Aw!

And she said that changed
everything for her.

Oh, that makes me
want to cry.

Excuse me, people, Garcelle
has three boyfriends right now.

- What?!
- Aah!

The dating coach made me
sign on to Bumble.

I would love to get you
set up on a dating app.

Well, I'm here to try
something new, right?

- So I gotta be open.
- Exactly.

I've had to verify my picture
like five times

because people think
I'm catfishing them

because they're like, "Really?"

I'm just gonna say one thing.
Garcelle, you're hot as hell.

- Yeah, you are.
- Oh, thank you.

She is. And she's telling me
how you have

to get online to date.
And I'm like, "What?!"

You have to have a blue check
before you check this.

- Okay.
- You're gonna have a few

zeroes before you check this.

[BLEEP] the blue check.
Send me your financials,

and then we'll know if
we're... in' or not.

[laughter]

You don't know
what's gonna last forever.

- No, we don't.
- Nothing lasts...

- ♪ Forever ♪
- That's it.

- Oh, that was cute, Thomasina.
- Is that right?

[laughter]

Tell us what Thomasina means?

Thomasina is like
Peeping Tom.

Oh, my God.

I really like kitty cat
or crazy cat lady is good.

Those could be nicknames.

Peeping Thomasina.

But Peeping Thomasina,
that's just not my favorite.

The Peeping Tom thing

I thought
was funny that you said that.

Kathy has been away.
So I filled her in,

and I explained
the whole thing about Tahoe.

Yeah, okay.

I was just bringing
in a... in' coat, man.

Yeah.

You know, like not
Peeping Tom,

like what the hell?

The word "violated" gave the
implication that it was sexual.

Like, it really did,
like it felt like that.

Look, I was naked.

And I felt uncomfortable,
period.

But I didn't make it sexual.

I've been in a public
bathroom going to pee

and someone walked in,
and I didn't feel violated.

I'm sure it wasn't fun
for them either. Okay?

There are so many other words
that Crystal could have used,

embarrassed, awkward,

even say rude
that she walked in.

But violated?

If you're using that word
when you don't have clothes on,

it means something
totally different.

Was it not the conversation
when we heard that story?

I did feel that way.

The word violation
actually means

not respecting personal space,
which is how I felt.

Well, and it also means,
violation of privacy.

Correct.

Violation means
to abuse your privacy.

A disrespect
of boundaries, period.

Google it. Fail to respect
someone's privacy or rights.

Don't hear the word sexual
at all.

- I didn't do that, but okay.
- I felt that way. That's all.

I did not feel violated
at all when Kathy

walked in on me while I was
on the phone half naked.

- Hi, girl.
- Y'all, come on!

Seems to me like that's just
kind of normal on a girl trip.

So I don't know. Maybe Crystal
doesn't have real girlfriends.

To me, violation of privacy
has to be intentional.

Her coming in not knowing

that you're naked
can't be a violation.

- Oh!
- Exactly. That's the truth.

Sutton is a good Southern girl

and she's very thoughtful,
very generous.

She didn't really mean
anything harmful.

We all know how words
can get twisted

and something that's small
becomes much bigger

and has now everyone involved.

- Violation's a little strong.
- It's not.

- Violation is strong.
- It's not.

- Violation is a big word.
- Look it up. It's not.

Oh, my God.

We're talking about
such insignificant things.

Let's just bury the hatchet
so the group can move on.

For me,
if you walked in my room,

I would be like, "Whoo-hoo!"
Right?

But here's the deal,
my reaction would be,

"Oh, my God. I'm sorry."
Close the door.

- Right.
- That did not happen.

Crystal are you up?

It was walking in,
and then you said,

"Oh, I don't know
what you're doing over there."

That was not a... that
was not a...

Here's the thing, Crystal,
and I need to defend myself

for two seconds.
I wanted to talk.

I knocked, your light was on,
you were talking.

I thought I heard you say,
"Come in."

I didn't say anything creepy.

I don't want to talk
about it anymore.

It is so stupid!

But the reality is what it
is.

See now, I'm getting angry.

The reality is
what it is, Sutton.

And this is what you
do not want to happen.

You do not want me
getting angry.

- The reality is what it is.
- See now, I'm getting angry.

The reality is what
it is, Sutton.

And this is what you
do not want to happen.

You do not want me
getting angry.

You don't want me
getting angry.

But see, I'm not emotionally
in a bad place.

I'm not moving.
I'm not sad. I'm getting angry.

- You moved a long time ago.
- I'm getting...

- Stop blaming that.
- Oh, my God.

Who are you?

I'm a person
who tells the truth.

I moved 2 1/2 weeks
before I got to Tahoe.

So I was very vulnerable.
And I am sorry for that.

And I've apologized for that.
But I'm not gonna sit here

and let you make it look like
I was some weirdo.

That's not what happened.
And you know it.

You need to tell these people,

all of these girls
that nothing weird happened

- and this is a [indistinct].
- I have been saying that!

So then we are all going
to agree on it

because this is
about my reputation.

- Sutton...
- It is about...

- Hold on.
- No, no, no, ma'am.

Let's get real.

- No, ma'am.
- Let's get real here.

Not once you start coming
after my personal reputation.

Then just own
that you said that to me.

I didn't say it like,

"Oh, I wonder
what you're doing over there."

Mr. Poppins.

- Did I say it like that?
- No.

- Who's Mr. Poppins?
- I don't know.

- Who is Mr. Poppins?
- I don't know. He's somebody.

He's somebody that has glasses.
That's all I know.

- All right?
- Who the hell is Mr. Poppins?

Did Mary Poppins
have a man and I don't?

[laughs] Now that's messed up.

- Guys...
- I didn't say it

in a creepy way like,
"Oh, what are you doing?"

I didn't say it like that.

I probably was like, "I am just
gonna back out of the door."

I'm just telling you guys
what happened.

She would never come
into your room

and do anything
that was... like it's not.

You need to shut it down.

I don't even know
you that much.

I'm gonna be clear
about this.

You need to shut it down.

I do not believe that she
came in to do anything there.

- Exactly.
- That's what I'm saying.

And I've said
that to everyone.

- Say it again.
- Right?

No, the conversation
was a little bit different.

Crystal's story's changed.

When she first told me
the story, it really was like

Sutton set out to hurt or harm

or make Crystal
feel uncomfortable.

I was, like, butt naked,
and then she continued in.

And she's like, "Oh, what
are you doing over there?"

And I'm like... so
I told her... I'm like,

it was really creepy,

and I felt like
I had no boundaries.

Like, when you... in' stand
over there and say,

"What are you doing?"
****ing changing,

and I'm naked,
it's creepy.

Now Crystal's saying that
she doesn't think

Sutton had any bad intentions.
It's a different story.

Girls, just listen,
you were moving.

Everybody's under
a lot of pressure. Okay?

- Yeah.
- Amen.

Amen.

And you are away
for the first time in seven,

eight months from your children
and your husband.

You had a lot going on.

I mean, I know the night
before the trip, I called Kyle

and I'm like, "What have
I gotten myself into?"

Like, as excited as I was
to go, I was scared too.

But I also have
my sister there. Okay?

I have Lisa there.
I've met Erika several times.

And my buddy over here...

- Thank you.
- My English girl. And...

- I'm not English.
- Hi. Hello.

I'm from Connecticut,
goddammit.

And, Dorit,
the British girl, yes, yes.

I'm not English.
My husband is English.

- She's from Connecticut, babe.
- Whatever.

Sutton, I know a lot of
people

that love and adore you.

And I've never heard
anything shady about you.

- Yeah, no.
- I mean, because I'm normal.

- So it's telephone.
- It's a very dangerous game...

It is.

When it's about
somebody's character.

Totally. Words can get
somebody really in trouble,

and especially nowadays
with cancel culture

and all that stuff,

this is not the time to be
throwing around strong words.

I think Sutton has
every right to be upset.

- I know that I'm a little off.
- But...

- Why do you say that?
- Why do say you're off?

Well, I have
a gigantic bow on.

Well...

- It's okay.
- I love it.

But it's gonna take me
a minute to get over being told

that I've violated someone.
That's a really strong word.

Okay.

It's always gonna be
rattling around in my brain.

So you've got to stop saying
that I violated you 'cause I...

I'm not gonna back down
on that word.

Sorry. There's nothing else
to say about it. It's done.

I gotta straighten my bowtie
for that because... no.

Next time on...

Can we play a set?

You're gonna be great.
I have a feeling.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, you have to get on
in half a minute.

Okay, I'll be over here
having my wine.

Hopefully not being too loud.

[cutlery rattling]
[clanging]

[indistinct].

It looks so cute, Harry.

It's cozy [indistinct]
in Beverly Hills.

It's got to be eaten
while it's hot.

Make a wish.

- I want him hung like a horse.
- Aah!

Why don't you tell me
the truth?

Amelia will go to Cabo.

No, it's not appropriate.

Why are you so defensive?

You're upset because
you're jealous.

Jealous of what?
Your ugly leather pants?

- No, no, no!
- No!