01x03 - Leather Chaps and Sequins? What is Eric Getting Himself Into?

[bunniefuu]

So how old are you?

I'm .

...

Oh!

[Lively music]

♪

Previously on

The real world...

I moved out here

With my band about a year ago.

I left michigan in search

Of a painting career

Here in new york.

I've been modeling for

About a year now in new york.

I mean, I like eric a lot.

He's a wonderful person.

You look good tonight.

This is the true story...

True story.

Of seven strangers...

[Laughter]

Picked to live in a loft...

And have their lives taped...

To find out what happens...

What?

When people stop

Being polite...

Could you get the phone?

And start getting real.

The real world.

[Dog barks]

[Dog barking]

[Lively blues guitar solo]

♪

Be quiet!

♪ Hey, gouda

♪ Quit [bleep] up a storm

♪ Hey, gouda

♪ Agh

[Coughing]

When I'm sick, I'm automatically

Nervous 'cause I know I'm not

Going to be good.

♪

I'm really worried about it

Because we have a show

Coming up.

♪

Now, broadway--

Broadway goes all the way

Up here and swerves down

Through the city.

It's like a wind--

It's like a snake, okay?

I was going to broadway

Dance center.

I thought that if I just ran

And jumped on the subway--

I was going to broadway.

I live on broadway.

It wouldn't take any time.

You're gonna get out

On th avenue.

Like, this is wrong.

The map's wrong?

It's th avenue--

Yeah, it is.

You're not wrong?

I swear to god.

[Upbeat zydeco music]

♪

The other side!

♪

This is the broadway line.

It goes all the way along

Broadway.

How will I know

Where to get off?

[Man speaking indistinctly]

Which way?

Th, two blocks this way,

Turn left.

I guess I have a really bad

Sense of direction, because

I'm totally turned around,

And I don't know which direction

I'm going or facing at all.

Like, here's th street,

And then here's th.

So I'm basically gonna

Get lost, right?

No, no, it's so simple.

♪

I messed up.

I was late.

I mean, I was really late.

Very unprofessional, I realize.

But I was very glad just to see

The door.

[Giggles]

That made me very happy.

♪

Broadway dance center offers

The best complete training

In all areas of dance,

The best training that will

Get you a job later.

[Upbeat synthesized music]

♪

Up!

♪

Turn!

Yeah, ah-ah-ah!

♪

[Tambourine clattering]

[Scattered applause]

The style and everything

Is there, once you got relaxed

And you let go.

That's what I want you to do.

I want you to relax.

This is home for you.

And remember, positive attitude.

Feel good about yourself.

What's it--

What's it for?

I get a call from my agency

That I was supposed to do this

sh**t for a fitness magazine.

[Camera shutter clicking]

Well, I don't know what kind of

Stuff you guys are doing,

But maybe--who knows?

I asked the photographer

What it was gonna be about,

And he said to me, "the magazine

Is kind of changing their format

A little bit, and they're not

Gonna use, like, guys on

Machines and stuff.

They're gonna show, like,

Body parts."

[Camera shutter clicking]

They moved over to this big

Couch sort of thing.

So I'm like, you know, "what

The hell is going on here?"

So this girl comes out, karen,

With this, like, black--

Like a plastic raincoat on

With nothing on underneath,

And I was like, "hmm.

This is gonna be interesting."

So the photographer tells her

To get behind me and, like,

Me lean back and her put her

Hands, like, on my body

Or whatever.

[Camera shutter clicking]

It could be a quiet moment

Where you look out the window

Together, but that's nice.

I like that.

That's very good.

Her body is insane.

She's so beautiful.

I mean, just--

She's really wild.

Run your hands over his body.

One thing led to another,

And we were touching and

Grabbing each other,

And then we started kissing

For some reason.

And the photographer was like,

"Yo, go with it.

Go with it."

This looks great, you know?

No, it really is perfect,

You know?

What better way, you know,

To get--to have fun?

I didn't have any problem

With it.

She didn't seem to have

Any problem with it.

So we went with it,

And we went and went

And went and went

And went and went...

♪

[Camera shutter clicks]

♪

[Camera shutter clicks]

♪

[Camera shutter clicks]

♪

We have some great shots,

You know?

You guys are great.

I'm not waiting for you

Anymore.

[Laughter]

[Women laughing]

Oh, my god.

[Laughter]

Eric, you ate off my makeup.

Ooh, yeah.

I'm going on strike.

Do you two swap phone numbers

Now?

What?

Like we do on studs.

I mean, you know,

You pretend you don't like him.

Well, I don't know.

Did I win?

Am I a stud?

[Laughter]

[Electric guitar solo]

♪

This is my new jersey

Getaway.

Yeah, that's right.

Are we gonna play?

Yeah, we're definitely

Gonna play.

We got...

We're gonna do--

We got six songs.

We got two spots left.

Yeah.

Right?

That's one of them.

Are we sure on that?

We're closing with that?

I think so.

Then--all right.

So we're done.

All right, let's go.

Hello, basement.

You know what,

I think it smells...

[Lively rock music]

♪

♪ Nobody is ever sure

♪ Of what they've got ♪

♪ Themselves into

♪ Or even worse

♪ How to get out

I kind of like being cramped

In that dungeon-like, dusty,

Disgusting basement.

♪

[Distant banging]

[Woman speaking indistinctly

Over police radio]

[Radio beeping]

I guess the police are here.

How you doing?

[Radio beeping]

You guys are gonna have to

Quiet it down, all right?

We got some complaints.

Okay.

All right, you got to

Knock it off, okay?

Okay.

All right.

You know any frank sinatra?

The neighbors are into that.

Ehh, sinatra!

[Laughter]

Just cool it, man,

All right?

Thanks, guys.

[Radio beeping]

You guys taking requests?

How about I fought the law

And the law won?

[Laughter]

[Soulful saxophone solo]

♪

Whenever I get sick, I get--

I get edgy.

I get real pissy.

I don't like being sick.

It's--i would rather be dead

Than be sick, because at least

Dead, I can sleep.

♪

Karen is cool.

I like to hang out with her

And stuff like that.

I mean, what we did, I don't--

That's past sexy.

[Laughs]

That's more than sexy.

[Chuckles]

[Car horn honks]

This morning, I'm asleep.

Eric wakes me up.

You know, "julie, come on.

Can you do me this big favor?

I really need you to do me

This big favor.

I'm leaving, and I really

Need you to go out and buy

Laundry detergent and

Dishwashing detergent.

Can you do that for me?"

I'm like, "well, yeah, sure."

You know, I'm clueless as to why

He can't do it.

I think he's got some big job

Or something.

I go, and I buy all the stuff,

And he zips in with karen,

And they're just, like,

Hanging out and eating lunch

And bebopping about the city,

While I'm downstairs

Washing clothes

And doing dishes.

And I'm like, "well, you know,

Eric, why am I doing all this?

You know, why did I have to go

Buy all this stuff, you know?

You're not doing anything.

Why didn't you do it?"

Not that I minded.

I was just curious, you know?

So that's how I ended up

Meeting karen, while I was being

The housewife.

Karen was going shopping.

She wanted me to go to

This store.

I think it was on saint mark's

Street or whatever.

But it was, like, all this,

Like, rocker stuff with, like,

Tight pants and leather jackets

And all these crazy clothes.

Ah, check it out.

Okay, here we have your pants.

Those will not fit me.

It's perfect.

You got to try them on.

No, no way.

You got to do it.

No way!

You got to do it.

You totally have to do it.

What size are those?

They're .

I could never see myself

In these.

Like, if my mom saw me

With these on, she'd be like,

"Eric, what are you thinking?"

It was rocker stuff

To the fullest.

I mean, like, these pants

Had, like, laces going up

And down the sides--and tight,

And they were, like, leather,

And then she had on, like--

She kept putting me in this,

Like, pirate shirt

And this jacket--

I mean, stuff that I would use

To, like, ride on a motorcycle--

Like, dirt bike.

I feel bad.

You do, huh?

I definitely do.

I thought I looked kind of

Funny.

That's not--you know,

That's not my style,

But if she likes it, you know,

You got to do what

You got to do, you know?

When--you know?

You got to please the women.

[Laughs]

That's my job.

All right.

[Giggles]

Metal boy.

Oh...

[Laughter]

"Cornfan"?

What is that?

It's two things.

Have you heard of, like,

The cornhuskers?

Yeah.

Well, their fans are just

Cornfans.

[Laughs]

What?

[Tiles clatter]

Or...have you not seen those

Fans that they have at, like,

State parks, you know,

Made out of the corn husks?

They're called cornfans.

What, heather?

I can't help it

If you're not cultured.

Hello?

Hi, ma.

I was gonna cook game hen

For everyone, but I don't think

We have enough pots, and it

Might be too difficult.

What should I cook for

Seven people?

♪

I decided I wanted to cook

A dinner party, because they're

A great way for people to get

Together and bond, and I thought

I would try and test my skill

As a cook.

We peel the garlic.

We crush it first!

[Laughter]

I already ate chinese food,

But I'm hungry again.

Oh, becky's making dinner,

A big dinner.

I'm eatin' again.

What are we having?

I kind of felt like the mom

Of the house a little bit,

You know?

Like, "okay, julie,

You make the rice."

Minutes, it takes,

The rice?

Yeah.

And then julie would, like,

Run upstairs and talk to

Everybody, and it was like,

"Julie!

We have five minutes!

Where's the rice?"

Uh, excuse me.

Is dinner ready?

Mr. Howell...

I'm hungry.

[Laughter]

Howell?

This is our island.

If we had gilligan's island,

Who would you want to be?

I want to be mary ann.

I think I should be gilligan,

And that means becky gets to be

Ginger.

Oh, I think that's perfect.

I'm the professor.

The professor?

Yeah, come on.

I guess I have to be

Gilligan, 'cause I'm goofy.

[Laughter]

And we're gonna starve.

Everything is ready.

I started eatin'

Fruity pebbles, I think,

Way before that chicken

Was even done.

I was hungry,

And I couldn't wait.

You know what it's like

Being a woman?

Slaving all day long!

I have a vague idea.

You have no idea.

Mm...

It's great.

♪

[Coughing]

Okay, I'm sorry.

About the moment...

[Laughter]

Come on, man.

"Blow the nose.

The nose began to drip.

A song of love,

And two big teeth sank

Into my request jeans."

Norman is a complete wacko.

He's great.

"And now the black clouds

Of my lover's soul stare at me

Through two holes."

[All clapping and snapping]

Oh-h*!

Deep.

They all loved the chicken,

And they loved the rice,

And they loved the vegetables,

Even though they said

They were gonna hate it.

They loved everything,

And they ate it all up.

[Upbeat percussive music]

♪

Ready to go.

Hi, we're gonna go

To the roxy over on th street.

♪

Don't wait for me, baby.

Don't wait for me.

Go.

♪

Norman brings out good

Things--real things,

I would say, about people

Because he's real.

Norman doesn't care, almost,

What someone thinks about him.

So he brings that out of you.

He will--for that minute or

The time that you're with

Norman, you're like a kid

Almost.

You feel free, you know,

Because norman brings that

Out of you for some reason.

♪

All: ♪ just won't do ♪

♪ Thursday and friday

♪ We can begin

♪ But our saturday love

♪ Will never end

♪ Turn the elevator on

There was these two guys,

Right, they were--

Yeah, were they cute?

[Laughter]

I don't know--

Okay, they were both cute.

They have big penises?

Okay, that's not

Part of this joke.

Let me tell you, all right?

There was these two guys.

They wanted to go get drunk,

But they didn't have any money.

Were they jewish?

Listen, norman!

Norman didn't really come out

And say, you know,

"I'm bisexual.

How do you feel about that?

You know, gather around.

We're gonna discuss

My sexuality."

You know, it wasn't anything

Like that.

It was just kind of...

It just sort of surfaced,

And no one's had any reaction

To it at all.

It's just great getting to

Be around him, because norman

Expresses it so normally.

Okay, tell us a joke.

It's a long joke.

It's a story joke.

I need two volunteers:

Becky and julie.

Okeydoke.

Okay.

There are so many people

Out there that are, like,

Worth it, and I'm always, like,

Looking.

I'm like, "well, I could date

That person," and, "oh, I could

Date this person."

I'm always, like, trying to open

My mind more and more.

I'm like--

Go on.

Go on! Go on!

I'm a pisces.

I'm always out there

Looking for, like, another fish

Kind of thing.

Ah, that's the best joke

I've ever heard!

I'm gonna beat you, norman...

[Laughter]

With a piece of leather strap!

[Smacking]

Norman!

We went roller-skating

At the roxy.

Mm-hmm.

They played kind of, like,

Disco-y music, and, um...

There was a lot of h*m*

Skating there.

Mm-hmm.

Isn't that funny?

I've never seen g*y people

A lot, like, skating

To disco music, no.

[Laughs]

I mean, that's just

Not a common thing.

Not in alabama.

Not down below the

Mason-dixon.

Sub-mason-dixon, you don't

Get that every day.

And another thing about

The south--you get arrested

If you pee on the street.

Mm-hmm.

Here, it's just very common.

People pee on the street?

Oh, yeah.

Businessmen or just bums?

Both.

[Scraping]

This damn thing won't even

Get in the door.

Well, I have to turn it

On its side.

I was kind of, like, nervous

About bringing my work,

And, you know, the experience

Of trying to get them up

On the elevator was extremely

Nerve-racking with me,

'Cause we had to get--

Put them on top of the elevator

And then bring them up.

Well, I don't understand

How that's gonna work.

This isn't that great

A work of art anyway, norman.

Maybe it doesn't belong

Out there.

What are you gonna end up

Doing tonight?

We're going to an art

Opening, and then we're going

To see you.

You gonna go down to

The redspot...

Mm-hmm.

On staten island?

Mm-hmm.

We have about / feet,

...

Get ready to stop.

...ready?

I've never been to

Staten island.

You won't ever want to

After this.

[Lively rock music]

♪

Like, I just can't--

My fingers--i just can't, like--

It's, like, hard to push down

The strings.

Yeah, you think--

I don't know.

It's just--i can't do it.

You get, like, calluses

On your fingers when you--

You know?

I can't do it.

♪ Duh, duh

♪ Eh, duh-du--

♪ Duh-duh-duh

That's, like, my guitar playing.

I don't know what kind of

Relationship it really is,

'Cause I'm really not her, like,

Type of guy.

She's, like, into her,

You know, rock music,

And she dates, you know, like,

All these rock stars and stuff

Like that, so...

I haven't yet to discover

What she sees in me, you know?

But she's great.

I mean, she's the coolest chick,

And she's just really cool,

And I like spending time

With her.

I'm having a good time.

I brought julie and becky

To the art opening because

A friend of mine who I respect

A lot, william rand, was having

A piece in this group show.

As a shameless self-promoter.

You know, it's part of, like,

My world.

It's part of how, you know,

Artists get to know each other.

They get to, like,

Talk with each other.

It's an open, free dialogue,

And everyone brings for

Themselves, you know, their own

Personal little creative world.

Everything I do is art,

And every individual does

Individual art.

And I document everything.

This is early documentation

Of me actually masturbating

In .

'Cause taylor's sort of

Demented, frog-looking...

Right, right.

He's at a bar with my wife

Right now.

Otherwise he'd be here.

Oh, those artists

Were so phony.

They weren't even looking

At the art.

They were running around--

It was just a social event.

Maybe we should do that

When you kids come over--

Turn flowers into food.

Oh, we'll have to do that

Then.

[Vibrant instrumental music]

♪

We went to dinner after

The art opening, and norman

And I just started getting

More and more tired,

And we both decided that

We couldn't go to andre--

See andre's show, because it

Was out on staten island--

That we were exhausted.

It's very important--

Thank you so much.

I had to open my big mouth

And say, "but, becky,

Remember monday night at tattoo,

When you told andre that you

Would travel to the ends of

The earth to hear him play,

And here you are, won't even go

To staten island?"

I felt like the irresponsible

Parent, and their kid going,

"You know, you never spend time

With me when you say you're

Gonna spend time.

You don't do things when you say

You're gonna do them."

And I understood my parents.

So becky and I were like,

"Okay, we'll go."

[Percussive jazzy music]

♪

♪ You say when

♪ Opportunity knocks

♪ I'm never home ♪

♪ It won't make me think ♪

♪ Just stop and drink

♪

♪ Sad but it's true ♪

♪ That I'm learning to ♪

♪ Expect nothing

♪ And get nothing

♪ In return

♪

♪ And it's out of the question ♪

♪ Whoever's goin' ♪

♪ Second-guessing you

I don't think they enjoyed it

Very much.

You know, I dragged norman

And becky out when they didn't

Even want to go out.

They were both tired

To begin with, and now after

All of our little adventures

Throughout the night, they were

Both very exhausted and losing

Their senses of humor.

[Cheers and applause]

All right, this next tune

Is going out to my new

Roommates, 'cause everyone--

Everyone will end up living

With me someday.

[Laughs]

I'll be crashing over at your

House sometime.

[Hard rock music]

♪

At that point, I realized

How glad I was to be there,

'Cause I remember how happy

I was that andre and norman

And julie showed up for me.

It's such a comfort when

Your friends come.

♪ I hear

♪ The alley cats whine

♪

♪ They're all wanted ♪

♪ 'Cause we get drunk ♪

♪ They're all friends of mine ♪

♪ Sprawled out

♪ On a dirty floor

♪ I think about

♪ How the night

♪ It seems to drag

♪ On and on

♪ So long

♪ When I'm high ♪

♪ And I don't have much money ♪

Andre was the ultimate

Rock star, you know?

He had that hair going,

And, you know, he's a great

Performer.

♪ Lazy bones

♪ Oh, lazy bones

♪ Lazy bones

♪ Lazy bones

[Cheers and applause]

Andre!

All right.

Andre!

Reigndance!

So thanks for coming out

So much.

I really appreciate it.

I needed my roommates' support.

Glad--i'm glad we came.

We had to take advantage

Of it.

And please come again,

When it'll be a better show.

Oh, my god.

We're so gonna be there.

For sure.

[Ethereal music]

♪

Next on the real world...

I can't stand breathing

Cigarette smoke.

[Scraping]

I mean, if this is a level

Of maturity, let me never

Be mature.

That's not what I said.

Your sister came, and,

You know, I didn't know

She was coming.

Subject over.

It's not gonna happen again,

So we don't need to talk

About it.

No, the subject is not over.

I was fishing with my cousins

In cape cod, and my cousin went

Back to cast out the lure.

No, ooh!

He hooked it into my knee.

Ew!

Oh, and then he, like,

Was, like, pulling you--

Yeah, and he went...

[Imitates reel whirring]

And I was like, "yo, dude!

You hooked my knee!"

Yeah, that's a good scar.

Okay, so then this one...

I'm cruising down this road.

This dude cuts me off

In his car.

I'm doing, like, miles

An hour.

I hit the back end of his car.

My knee goes into the back end

Of his car, dents his car.

I had blue chips of paint

In my knee.

I did two flips over the top of

His car and landed on my head.