08x15 - Tony Micelli, This is Your Other Life

[bunniefuu]

[GRUNTS]

A-ha! Gotcha!

It'll teach you to mess with
Tony Micelli's spot cleaner.

[LAUGHS]

You talking to the stove?

No, I was-- I was, you know,
it's just that

it's a little lonesome
out here on the range.

[CHUCKLES] Get it, the range?

Tony, I think you need a break.

Come in the living room,
I have a surprise for you.

Really? Really? Well,
I-- I hope it's self-cleaning.

-Surprise!
-Mike Va Salle!

Hey, Mike! How are you?
Good to see-- Angela, look!

-It's Mike Va Salle!
-I know.

-You used to play ball together.
-We used to play ball together!

I brought him to the house.

Did you ever see this guy play,
Angela?

We're talking MVP, you know,
World Series Rings!

This is a big star!

That's why we're doing
a commercial together.

So, Mike,
what are you doing here?

-A commercial with Angela.
-Why didn't you tell me?

-I thought I just did.
-Oh, Mike, sit, sit, sit.

-Have a seat!
-Thank you.

Hey, you look great,
and lemme tell you.

I'm proud of you,
you done great.

-Well, I owe it all to you.
-[CHUCKLES]

-Wait-- Wh-- what do you mean?
-You know, I got injured,

Mike filled in.

-It's a boring story--
-Boring!

Please, picture this.

It's bottom of the 9th,
we're down one to nothing.

Tony, knowing that he could
be our last shot

for a run, tries to stretch
a double into a triple.

He dives into third base,

-and he rips apart his shoulder.
-[MONA AND ANGELA GASP]

A great career is over.

So, if Tony hadn't gotten hurt,

he'd be the one with a million
dollar endorsement deal now?

-That's right.
-Imagine that,

I mean, if you had just stayed
at second base,

you'd be a rich man.

-Mo-- Mother.
-But you lost it,

all because of one
bonehead play.

-Mother.
-Crazy world.

Crazy world.

Ah, Mona, Mona,
nothing says I woulda had

the kind of career he's had.

-Come on.
-[SCOFFS] Come on.

The coach always said you were
destined for greatness.

Oh, yeah.
Well, he never said that to me.

The only thing I ever heard
from that guy was,

"Hey, Micelli, you're a bum."

-[SCOFFS]
-[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, I miss that guy.

Well, maybe you could get back
in touch.

Ah, not without a Ouija board,
you know.

-[SCOFFS]
-[MIKE CHUCKLES]

Hey, Tony, ready?

-Wow! Mike Va Salle!
-[TONY CHUCKLES]

Oh, you are
my favorite baseball player!

Hey, will you autograph my ball?

-My pleasure.
-Oh, that's nice.
You can put that next to the one

that Tony autographed for you.
-[CHUCKLES]

No way. I'm not tossing
this one in the closet.

[LAUGHS]

-Nice kid.
-Yeah, yeah, I'm--

I'm like a father to him.

-No respect.
-[SCOFFS] Mike.

Oh, listen, Tony,
I gotta get back to the studio.

Angela's got me doing
three commercials

-and a photoshoot.
-Oh, yeah, I know how it is.

You know, my plate's
pretty full, too, what with

running the house and, you know,
going to school, and--

and then, uh, you know,
coming back from school and...

into the house, which I run,
you know,

and then, it's back
to school again so--

Well, it's not a big plate,
but it's full.

Yeah, yeah, it's-- it's so full
I better get back to it.

-Hey, Mike, good seeing you.
-Good to see ya.

-Keep swinging, pal.
-All right, buddy.

Okay.

Crazy world.

Crazy world.

[SIGHS] Yep, back to work.

Back to work. My sponge.

Stop! Oh! [PANTS]

No, Tony, please.
It's not worth k*lling yourself.

-Here, oh, I'm sorry.
-What are you talking about,

Mona, why would I do something
like that?

Because there's a guy in
the living room with your life.

Oh, come on, Mona.
You know I'm not the kinda guy

who dwells on
what might have been.

I mean,
even if I could've been a--

an all-star.

Kids looking up to me,
asking me for my autograph.

[SCOFFS]

You know, I'd be famous,
I'd be rich,

could've sent Sam

to Europe on that study abroad
program

instead of breaking my little
girl's heart by saying no.

And I wouldn't be going
into this marriage with Angela

as a struggling student
and her a big exec.

I mean, we'd be equals.

I'd have it all.

But you dont.
So, you want me to set this?

Three-fifty okay for you?

Oh, please, get outta here,

-please.
-[CHUCKLES] Okay.

But, look, if you wanna talk,
you know I'm upstairs.

Just hand me the bleach
and take your shoes for a walk.

-[SCOFFS]
-Okay. Here you go.

Thanks, thanks. Okay.

Imagine, me an all-star, huh.
[SCOFFS] It'd be great.

Oh, no, wait a minute,
this ain't bleach!

This is ammonia! I--

I don't think you're supposed
to mix them.

JO-JO: Tony.

To-o-o-ony.

Angela?

No, not Angela. It's Jo-Jo.

Hey, next time you should have
my name tattooed someplace

where you could read it.

Something tells me we're
not in Kansas anymore, Jo-Jo.

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for livin' ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times
I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand new life ♪

♪ A brand new life ♪

♪ A brand new life
Around the bend ♪

Wait a minute.

Wait-- wait-- Where.

Where am I?

What am I doing here?

Wow, you ask a lot
of deep questions.

-Whose-- whose place is this?
-It's yours, silly.

Mine?

Oh, wait a minute, I remember.

-This all-started when I mixed--
-Cognac and scotch,

and I told you not to do that.

Hey, I think I'll go take
a shower.

[GIGGLES]

Wow. This-- this is weird.

Very weird.

Not bad, but... weird.

Time magazine?

A Neiman?

I'm-- I'm a baseball player?

You're a bum, Micelli.
[CHUCKLES]

Coach?

But it can't be you.
You're-- you're--

Benched by the big man?

-Oh, no, then that means I'm--
-No, no, no!

You're not dead, Micelli.

Wh-- what-- what, am I dreaming?

-Then what's going on here?
-Look, sometimes

an entire life hinges on
one random event.

In your case,

it was when I waved you
from second to third,

and you injured your shoulder.

Uh, that's all right, Coach,

-'cause I would've gone anyway.
-[CHUCKLES]

That's why you're a bum.

But, technically,
I'm responsible.

So, I was sent to give you
your other life.

The one that...

could have been.

So-- so you're like a--
you're like a guardian angel?

No, I'm a dead coach.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

So-- so you never
waved me to third, right?

And-- and I never tore up
my shoulder?

Hey, look. No scar.

-So, then I-- I kept playing?
-Whoa! I'd say!

You hit three home runs
in the '85 series.

-[LAUGHS]
-In the series?

MVP.

-Wow! I'm good!
-[CHUCKLES]

And-- and I'm rich.

I'm rich. I mean, I--

I own this Manhattan penthouse?

Not to mention homes in
Palm Springs, Malibu, and Aspen.

Aspen. [CHUCKLES]

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Who am I kidding?

I-- I-- I passed out.

And I'm gonna wake up
any minute, right?

Only if you want to.

Are you saying that-- that--
that-- that

I-- I have some choice
in this matter?

It's up to me?
Like this could all be mine?

[CLEARS THROAT]
Are you all right, sir?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I--
I was just talking to the coach.

Uh-- uh, the-- the couch.

Of course!

I wanted to remind you that
you're meeting with your agent

and your business manager
in a few minutes.

Oh, really, really. Well, why--
why am I meeting with them?

Why indeed, sir.
I'll cancel them immediately.

No, no, no. Hold it, wait.

Um, could you-- could you
just tell me who you are?

You mixed cognac and scotch
again, didn't you, sir?

Uh, Ms. Eastman,
your personal assistant.

And this is Jim,
and this is Steve.

Your agent and your manager.

Oh.

Uh, sir, is this a bad time?

No, no, it's-- it's a good time,
it's a good time.

Hey, how you doing?
How you doing?

Nice to see you,
nice to see you.

Is-- What,
is there something wrong?

Well, it's just that
you never shake hands.

Or ask how we're doing.

-But it's great!
-Oh, yeah.

-Everything you do is great.
-Couldn't have said it better!

[BOTH LAUGH]

Um, so, uh,

why don't you take a look
at your new endorsement deal?

As you can see, they've agreed
to all our numbers.

And you'll be
the exclusive sportsman

for their new wine cooler.

Wine cooler?
I-- Wait a minute, I can't--

I can't advertise alcohol.

I mean, little-- little kids
look up to me, right.

And anyway, it's... [SCOFFS]

...not like I need the money,
do I?

Well, uh, what with your three
ex-wives...

Three ex-wives?

Yeah, in Palm Springs, Malibu,
and Aspen.

Then do I--
do I have any children?

-Yes.
-A daughter?

-Samantha?
-[CHUCKLES] Yes.

-Samantha, very good, sir.
-Thank you.

T-- Well, could I--
could I see her, please?

-Uh...
-Come on, come on.

-I want to see my daughter!
-Yes, sir.

Mr. Micelli wants
to see Samantha.

Bring that videotape in here
right away.

Uh, wait a minute. A videotape?

Uh, she was on Donahue
last week.

Donahue?
My little girl is famous! Whoa!

We're talking
to Samantha Micelli,

daughter of baseball legend
Tony Micelli.

And also the author of the new
fictional best-seller,

Most Valuable Player,
Least Valuable Father.

-Samantha Micelli, welcome.
-Thanks, Phil.

Sam, let's get right to it.
Now, isn't the neglectful,

basketball father-dad
in your book

really your own
baseball-playing father?

No, the father
in my book is much taller.

So, this isn't a thinly
disguised tell-all book?

Why? I mean, just because
the father is neglectful?

So he makes promises
he can't keep,

breaking his
little girl's heart,

trying to solve problems
by throwing money at me?

I-- I mean, at-- at her.

Just because--

Am-- am I really that bad?

-Oh, of course not.
-No, you're wonderful!

A prince among men.

It's worse than I thought.

I've surrounded myself
with yes-men.

Oh, no, no,
we're not yes-men.

Could you-- could you please

-just leave me alone?
-Oh, yes, sir!

-Whatever you say, sir.
-MS. EASTMAN: Yes!

Whoa!

Rub-a-dub-dub,
that's some babe in the tub!

Coach.
Coach, I don't believe this!

I don't believe
what's happened here.

I mean, my--
my daughter hates me,

people around me cower in fear!
What happened to me?

You became a success.

Money and fame
do this to a lotta guys.

But, Coach, you know me.

I'm a good guy. I've always
been a good guy, right?

Of course you are, sir.
All your furniture likes you.

Angela Bower is here to see you.

-Angela's here?
-Yes.

Oh, good, good. Send her in.

Go get her, go.
Send her in, send her in.

Coach, Angela's here. I"m so
happy she's still in my life.

Everything's going to be just
fine now, Coach, just fine.

Oh, Angela! [CHUCKLES]
It's so good to see you!

You creep!

What'd ya hit me for?

I've warned you
a thousand times.

Keep your hands off me.

But I-- I-- I thought
you'd like it.

I'll bet you did.

Please, if we're going
to be working together,

would you try
to behave yourself.

Oh, oh, we're--
we're working together?

Well, that's great,
that's great.

Yeah, it's fabulous.
Now, Mr. Micelli,

here is the copy
that we came up with.

Oh, I'm not interested in this.
Here,

sit down, sit down a second
I-- I wanna hear about you.

You know, what's-- what's
been happening all these years?

You-- you're not married,
are you?

No, not that it's any
of your business.

Oh! All these years,
and you never found a man.

That's great. [CHUCKLES]

Thank you. For your information,
I had a boyfriend.

His name was Gary.
We just broke up.

Okay, now,
can we get on with it.

See, I don't get it.
I mean, if you--

if you hate me so much,
what are you doing here?

It's my job. I have to go
where my company sends me.

Oh, so you don't have your own
ad agency?

You just keep rubbing it in,
don't you?

I don't have a man,
I don't have an agency.

Oh, that-- that's right.

Because I wasn't there
to-- to get you to start it.

Oh, yes.

I'm sure I would be so much
more successful,

not to mention,
personally fulfilled,

if only you had come into
my life earlier.

You'd be surprised. [CHUCKLES]

So, uh, wh-- wh-- what is it
we're working on here?

Your public service spot
to promote reading?

Oh! Well, that sounds like

a pretty nice thing to do.
[CHUCKLES]

Oh, please, you're just doing it
to boost your image

and help get you into
the Hall of Fame.

Wait a minute! I'm gonna be
eligible for the Hall of Fame?

Oh. I knew I was good,
but I'm great!

That is it.
I can't take it anymore.

You're the most egotistical,
self-centered jerk

I've ever had the misfortune
to work with!

No, no, no,
wait a minute, Angela--

You are not going anywhere!

-Sam.
-How dare you hit me

-with this libel suit?
-Should I call security?

No! Of course not,
this is my daughter!

Oh, and I suppose by--

by you not throwing me out,
it makes you father of the year.

No! Of-- Gimme that cigarette.
No! Of course not, I was a--

-I'm a-- I'm a rotten father!
-Don't you even try to deny--

Did you just admit that you were
a rotten father?

-The worst. I stunk.
-Oh, God! I hope I got that all.

Sam!

It's for the sequel.

When Bad Fathers
Happen to Good Daughters.

Wait a minute.
Come, come, come--

-D--
-Sam, look--

I'm just-- I'm just trying
to make things up to you. Look.

You know that--
that study abroad program

you wanted to go on? It's yours.

You still think you could solve
everything with money,

-don't you?
-No, no, I'm just trying to--

just trying to get back
some of the time we lost.

Look, for-- forget about Europe.
How about lunch?

We'll go
to the old neighborhood.

We'll go to Marty's
Melody Room, huh?

I'll have Rufus make you
a double chocolate egg cream

with-- with two straws.

-You remember.
-Of course.

It was your favorite, honey.

Well, okay, but I'm still
taping everything,

just in case this is some kind
of trick.

It's not a trick,
it's not a trick.

Come on, come on. Look, look.

We'll spend the whole day
together, just you and me,
all right?

Just-- just let me get changed.
Let me get changed.

Hey, Coach, did you see
what happened, Coach?

I got through to Sam,
and if I can get through to Sam,
I can get through to Angela.

Then I'll have fame,
I'll have money,

and I'll have the people I love.

I'll have everything, Coach.
[CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY]

Okay, Tony, it's all yours.

'Course, there's a few things

I'm gonna have to
give up, Coach.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'm not so sure
this is a good idea, Micelli.

I'm telling you, Coach,
she don't know it yet,

but she needs me.

ANGELA: Would somebody please
answer that door?

-You see? That use to be my job.
-[CHUCKLES]

Wow! Tony Micelli!

-Oh! Come in! Come in!
-Thank you, thank you.

[GASPS] You know, you are my
favorite baseball player.

-[CHUCKLES] Thanks.
-Hey, will you sign my mitt?

Oh, absolutely, absolutely.

Uh, it's still 25 dollars,
right?

Uh, no. No, no, no, no.

From-- from now on,
there's no charge. [CHUCKLES]

-Really? Wow!
-Yeah.

Hey, you're not half the jerk
Mom said you were.

-I'll tell her you're here.
-Thank you, thank you.

[SCOFFS] Look at this place,
huh? It's a mess.

These people are falling apart
without me.

Where? It's immaculate.

Are you k-- Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?
Look right here.

A water spot right there.
[CHUCKLES]

These people live like pigs!

Welcome to my house.
May I offer you some slop?

No, I-- I-- I didn't mean that.
I was just talking to the, um...

Well, you-- you look lovely.

Thank you, and, uh, thank you,
thank you for the flowers.

Yeah. Well,
here's-- here's one more.

That makes it
an-- an even dozen.

That's very sweet.

Um...

maybe I owe you an apology.

I-- I was unprofessional,

I shouldn't have slapped you,

and I thank you
for not having me fired.

I thank you for not knocking
my teeth out.

[CHUCKLES]

JONATHAN:
Mom, I can't find my mitt.

Uh, dresser by the bed,
third drawer.

Ah! Found it. Thanks.

Lucky guess. [CHUCKLES]

There's something very strange
about you.

Well, let's just say
in another--

another place and time,

you know, we had-- we had
something very special.

You're from LA, aren't you?

Why don't you let me tell you
about the real me over dinner.

-Huh?
-No, I-- I, uh--

Tonight isn't a good night.
I-- I have a lot work to do.

Well, you gotta eat, huh?
Well, I'll cook something, huh?

How about I whip up a fast
Linguini alla Vongole.

That's my favorite.

Another lucky guess.

This is the best meal
I've ever had.

Thanks. Thanks. [CHUCKLES]

He cooks, he cleans,

and he's got a butt
you can bounce a quarter on.

Angela,

-don't louse this one up.
-Mother.

Well, after what happened
with Gary.

Uh, and what did happen
with good old Gary?

Nothing. N-- nothing happened
with Gary.

That's how you loused it up.

Now, now, Mona,
come on, now.

Stop-- stop picking on
your daughter here.

Angela, I gotta hand it to you.
I think you're doing just fine.

-Thank you.
-Hey, Jonathan.

What do ya say tomorrow
after school,

we go down to the stadium,
I show you around, huh?

Wish I could,
but school's 300 miles away.

I'm going back tomorrow.

What you-- Wait,
you go to a boarding school?

Yeah. Well, I better
get packing. Excuse me.

-Yeah, yeah.
-Me, too.

Wait a minute,
where you going?

Home, to London.

You live in London,
you don't live here with her?

With her?
[CHUCKLES] No way.

Oh, you-- you-- you would have
if I'd been here.

Why? Do you swim in the nude?

Mother, go pack.

[SCOFFS]
Like you weren't thinking it.

[ANGELA GASPS]

Angela, I'm-- I'm--
I'm a little surprised.

I cant believe that,
but you sent Jonathan

to a boarding school,

your mother lives in London,
I-- I can't believe it.

Excuse me?

Well, I mean, you know, family,
they should be together.

They need you
as much as you need them.

How dare you walk in here
and criticize my life?

Oh, what life? I mean you--

you bury yourself in your work,
you--

you-- you send your family away,
and you're living here alone.

And who are you to talk?

You have three failed marriages
and a daughter

who makes a living
trashing you in public.

That was a fictional book
about a basketball player.

Oh, yes, "Tony Minelli."
I wonder who could it be.

All right, so my-- my life
isn't perfect.

But I know you, you gotta
stop running from your fears.

Oh? Oh, and what do you know
about my fears?

I-- I know you're afraid of--
you're afraid of commitment

because you-- you failed
in your first marriage

and you're afraid
of failing again.

And I-- and I also know
you're afraid of crowds,

and-- and heights, and-- and,

and that clown scene
in Poltergeist.

[GASPS] Well, I think
I've heard just about enough.

Well, I'd say this, Micelli.
You're consistent.

You got a big mouth
in both lives.

I know. I know.

Hey, look, Angela, uh,
I'm sorry I was--

I was just saying
what was in my heart,

and I'm sorry if I hurt you.
And I'm just gonna be on my way.

Um, wait, wait, please. Wait.

Um, you are not totally...
off-base

about some of the things.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

You're not the first person
to suggest

that I bury myself in my work
because of my reluctance to...

What to? To-- to let go?

To take chances?
To-- to go with your heart?

It's incredible how a stranger
can know you so well.

Thank you.

[CHUCKLES]

Excuse me.

Wait-- wait-- wait-- wait,
where you going?

-Where you going?
-To call Gary.

Gary?
What do you mean, Gary?

What a-- what about--
what about me? What about us?

Us? Oh, Tony,
I-- I don't think so.

Um, maybe another place,
another time. But...

Gary and I have a history,

and he's always been there
for me.

And he said when I was ready
to make a commitment,

to give him a call.

And thanks to you,

I think I'm ready.

Don't take it so hard, Micelli.

She did need you.

Just not in the way you thought.

Coach, take me outta the game.

What about the fame?
The fortune?

The glory?

I just wanna go home.

[♪♪♪]

ANGELA: Tony? T-- Tony!

Jo-Jo?

-Oh, Angela, it's-- it's you.
-Tony, are you okay?

Yeah, I think-- I think so.

What happened?

Well, you were out
for a couple of minutes.

You can't mix these things.
It's dangerous!

Oh, so it was all a bad dream.

My scar's back.

Are you sure you're okay?

-Do you love me?
-Yes, of course.

Then I'm okay.

[SIGHS] Oh.

Who's Jo-Jo?

Hey, yo, who's Gary?

TONY: Who's the Boss
will back in a moment.
Stick around.

-[TONY HUMMING]
-Tony...

-You bad boy.
-What?

Coming into the bathroom
while I'm taking a shower.

[SCOFFS]
What are you talking about?

As if you didn't know.

I love those little hearts
you drew

in the steam on the mirror.

But-- but, Angela,
wait a minute.

I-- I did-- I didn't do--

Rub-a-dub-dub.

Nice blonde in the tub.

-[CHUCKLES]
-Coach.