08x14 - Who's the Boss?

[bunniefuu]

We're gonna be late.
Why isn't Tony here?

Maybe your face in the window
is scaring him away.

Yeah. That's the one.

Oh, you know Tony.
He wouldn't be late

unless it's something
very important.

One ninety-eight.

One ninety-nine.

Two hundred!

Whoa! Hey!

[CHUCKLES] Three hours
of basketball, four enchiladas,

and I'm still light on my hands.
Pay up!

-He's my idol.
-[LAUGHS]

Thanks again
for taking us all out to eat.

Oh, that's all right, Ernie.

You know, I'm always
in generous mood after a victory

and when my man Tiny
is on a diet!

Tony! Where have
you been all this time?

Angela, we won!
We were celebrating!

-We won!
-Yay!

Tony scored the winning basket!

-He's my idol.
-[GIGGLES]

Oh, congratulations,

but we're supposed to meet
Ted and Elaine for dinner.

-[GASPS] Oh, we are?
-Yes, Tony.

I marked it on the calendar.

Oh, yeah. There it is.

Big letters, too.

-How could you forget?
-Well, uh, well, you know,

the guys, they dragged me out
for Mexican food.

Do you know how the guys are.
[SCOFFS]

Guys...

-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, yeah.

-[ALL CLAMOR]
-Oh, I'll go. I'll go.

It won't happen again. Honest.

Okay but you better get dressed.
We don't have much time.

Okay, okay, I got one.

Hey, by the way I'm--

I'm really, really sorry.

-Okay.
-Okay. [CHUCKLES]

[IMITATES PUKING]

What? What?

"I'm really, really, really,
really, really sorry.

Uh, really."

Hey, time was,
you could've just said,

"Hey, we went out for Mexican.
Back off."

But I guess
your combination plate

-ain't got no frijoles.
-[LAUGHS]

Wait a minute.
What was that, Ernie?

Hey, let's face it, Micelli,
you're henpecked.

-You used to be my idol.
-Wait! I am not henpecked.

ANGELA: Tony, are you coming?

Oh, right--
right behind you, sweetie.

[IMITATING CHICKENS]

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for livin' ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

-[IMITATING CHICKENS]
-All right, all right, come on.

Come on, stop. I got to get out
of here. Come on.

You know, I-- I never thought
I'd see Tony Micelli

under a woman's thumb.

Are you sure you're Italian?

Oh, now wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

You guys are just jealous

because I got a woman
who cares about me.

Oh, so do I, but let me
tell you something, pal.

I'm that one
who wears the pants.

She cooks, she cleans,

I can stay out all night
I never get any lip.

Ernie, you live
with your mother.

So? I mean, she's still a woman.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, let me explain something
to you, see, uh,

Angela and I,
we're equals, you know?

Nobody-- nobody's in charge.

I mean, in this relationship,
we both wear the pants.

If they both wore the skirt,
we'd really worry.

All I can say is when you put
that ring on her finger,

she put the ring
through your nose.

Oh, come on, man. It's--
it's not like that.

-It's not--
-Hey, it starts small.

First they want to spend
a little bit more time with you.

Next thing you know,
they're telling you

-what to wear.
-And how to act.

Planning your every move.

And before you know it,
you're trailing after her

at some mall with her packages
in one hand,

and her purse in the other.

A weenie!

Oh, no!

You got to fight it, Tone.

Do not go gentle
into that good night.

Good night, Al. Come on.

Get out. The rest of you,
get out, come on.

But rage, rage against
the dying of the light.

Come on. Come on, yeah, yeah.

And so ends another meeting
of the brain-dead poets society.

Yeah, it's really late.
Look what time--

You know, Angela's just going
to have to learn

that, you know, I'm not--
I'm not going to rush, you know.

Tony! You're not ready yet!

I'm just going
to shower and change.

Oh, uh, Tony, you know,
you probably wanna wear a tie.

You know how fussy
they are at Le Fleur.

-Okay, no problem.
-Maybe the red paisley.

Okay.

It goes really well
with your blue suit.

Hey, Angela.
Uh, what about my underwear?

Boxers or briefs?

-Are you okay?
-Yeah I'm fine. It's just that--

I'm just not used to you
telling me what to wear.

Oh, I'm not. I-- I was just
making a suggestion.

Oh. Okay. Fair enough.
Fair enough.

But-- but be sure not to cut it
this close next week

when we go to the ballet.

The ballet?

Yes.

Remember how I told you
I dreamed of being a dancer

after I saw the Ballet d'Avignon
when I was little?

And you promised to take me
if they ever came back
to New York.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I just didn't--

You know, I just didn't think
it would happen anytime

while I was living.

-Oh, I see you don't wanna go.
-No, no, I'll go. It's just--

It's just that we got
a basketball game that day

and then-- then we're supposed
to play poker right after that.

Tony, you're always playing
basketball with the guys,

just once can't you tell them
you're going to the ballet?

Well, yeah, I'm gonna tell
a 300-pound teamster

and his buddies,
"I'm going to the ballet."

Tony, the ballet
is very important to me.

-[SIGHS]
-It's been a passion with me

ever since I was a child.

Such a pretty little ballerina.

Shamu in a tutu.

I had the lead in Swan Lake.

Yeah, as the lake. [SCOFFS]

Everyone said I could've been
a star

if it weren't
for my weak ankles.

Any ankles would've buckled
under that tonnage.

Okay, okay.

So I wasn't exactly
Isadora Duncan.

-More like Dunkin' Donuts.
-[LAUGHS]

Dunkin' Donuts...

-That was the best one--
-Despite everything,

I still love the ballet.

-Okay.
-And I think

it's important for a couple
to share each other's passions.

Sharing's good.

-But if you don't wanna go--
-No, no, no, I said

sharing's good.

-I'll go.
-You sure?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll just, uh,
you know, I'll skip

the poker game. I'll come home
right after basketball.

-Oh, thank you.
-Oh, you're welcome.

[CHUCKLES]

Weenie!

TONY'S FRIENDS: Tony! Tony!
Tony! Tony!

All right, guys, guys.
Guys, come on. Take it easy.

Take it easy. My head
is still k*lling me there.

Hey, I don't know
how you did it, Tone,

you know, making a winning shot

while taking an elbow
from Stretch?

Yeah, it's better than taking
an elbow from Shorty.

It's too bad you're not going
to make

to that poker game tonight,
Tone.

Hey, Tiny, don't remind me, huh?

You know, I'm really
looking forward to it.

I never played poker before.

Am I bringing enough dough?

-I could've been rich.
-Yeah, tough luck, Tone.

It's a crying shame,
the little woman

who won't let you
out of the house tonight.

Tiny, that's not the way it is.

It was my decision to take her
to the ballet.

Let-- let me explain something
to you.

Couples should share
each other's passions.

Share each other's passions?

Now she's taken control
of his mind.

Yeah, yeah,
like in that Star Trek

Where they implanted a device
in Captain Kirk's head.

You know, every time he tried
to think for himself-- [SCREAMS]

Al, why don't you go

where no man
has gone before, huh?

You mean like the ballet?
[LAUGHS]

Okay. Get out, get out.

Get out. Take it easy, guys.

-[CHUCKLES]
-Oh, Tony.

You're here and right on time.

Yeah, yeah, I'm going to shower
and change,

and then it's off to Swan Lake.

Oh, silly. It's not Swan Lake,
it's The Nutcracker.

Tell me about it.

Oh, Tony, wait a minute.

-Listen, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-What?

Look, I-- I just need
an aspirin.

You know, I took an elbow
while we were playing the game.

-Look at that shot I took.
-Oh, what?

Oh, that's really nasty.

-Yeah.
-Does that hurt?

Oh, no. Not too bad. [SCREAMS]

Of course it hurts
if you're going to pound on it!

Do you feel well enough
to go tonight?

Oh, yeah, I'll--

You know, do we have anything
stronger than an aspirin?

Oh, you're really hurting,
aren't you?

Well, yeah, but you know,
what kind of man am I

if I can't stand
a little cranial pressure?

Oh, my gosh. Tony, sit down.

I hope you don't have
a concussion.

Oh, no, I doubt it.
But you know something, Angela,

if I doze off during the ballet,
smack me hard.

You know, because it--
it might be dangerous

to lose consciousness, you know.

Well, I'm going to call
the doctor.

No, no. You're overreacting.
It's just-- just a bump.

Well, I think
you should stay home anyway.

Oh, well, then, you know,

you'd have to go to the ballet
by yourself.

Oh, no. That's all right.
I'll just take mother.

-[SPUTTERS]
-Oh, come on. Come on.

It'll be fun.

Oh, you get all depressed
and whiny

thinking you could've been
a dancer.

It is a night of agony.

Go get dressed. Now.

You've only just begun
to know pain.

Come on.

Oh, come on, Mona, you should be
thanking me.

You get a great night out
on the town. [CHUCKLES]

And I'm stuck here all alone
lying on the couch.

Just me and...

[♪♪♪]

...the ESPN
cheerleading competition.

Oh, it's not the ballet,
but I'll take it.

ANNOUNCER OVER TV:
And the cheerleading
competition

continues with the squad
from Mississippi Central.

CHEERLEADERS OVER TV:
Give me an "M"! Give me an "I"!

Give me an "S"! Give me an "S"!
Give me an "I"! Give me an "S"!

Give me an "S"! Give me an "I"!

-Give me a "P"--
-[TV TURNS OFF]

Well, I'm going to go take one.
You probably won't be done.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

TONY: Hello-- Hey,
what are you guys doing here?

I forgot my wallet.

Oh, yeah, I found it.
It's on the table.

Oh, great.

Come on.

Baryshnikov, I thought you'd be
in your ballet shoes by now.

Oh, please, I didn't.
I'm sorry, twinkle toes,

I decided to stay home.

I don't believe it.
You actually stood up to her?

Well, I'm here. Ain't I?

All right.
What did you tell her?

Uh, well, I told her, uh...

"I don't feel like going."

And how did she take it?

She took it. That's right. Yeah.

I told, "Hey, you want to go
to the ballet?

Take your mother."

Whoa! King of the house.

Hey, hey, hey, watch it there.

Tiny,
you almost got some exercise.

Hey, great! So you're free.
You can play poker.

Uh, well, I was, you know,
I was--

I was going to hang around
the house

And keep an eye on the kingdom,
you know. [CHUCKLES]

Hey, no problem.
We'll move the game here.

Let me call Vinnie.

Okay, well, I...

Yeah, I guess we could play
for a little while.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Oh, hey, guys. What's going on?

-It's poker time!
-Oh, great. I'm in.

Oh, hold on there, Jonathan.

Take it easy.
What, are you kidding me?

This is, you know, this is more
a grown-up-guy thing, you know.

Oh, I see.

Does mom know about this?

Okay. Five-card stud,
Texas hold 'em.

Deuces, suicide kings,
and one-eyed jacks wild.

Between the kid and Al,
I'm getting cleaned out.

I've never seen
such a poker face.

How do you do it?

Huh?

I fold.

All right, come on, let's go.
Give me two cards.

-[DOORBELL RINGS]
-Hey Vinnie, get that, will you?

-Whoa!
-Tony, it's on you.

-All right. Two dollars.
-I'm in.

-Pizza gals!
-[CHEERING]

How are you all doing?
Okay, I got two pepperoni,

one sausage.

I got, uh, three diet specials.
These must be for you.

-TINY: Oh, thank you.
-Hey, she knows you, Tiny.

All right, Ernie,
could we finish this, please?

-Okay, I call.
-Okay, read 'em and weep.

Oh! h* h*!

Hey, girls.

Girls, look at this here, huh?

-Thank you, pizza gals.
-[LAUGHS]

My luck, it's a-changin'.

[GASPS] Tony!

For the worse.

Well, heck-- Well, heck,
now it's really a party!

Angela's back.
And early to boot.

Ah, drop the act. You're dead.

No. No, these-- these girls
are just here delivering a pizza

and I was congratulating them

for getting it here
in under 30 minutes.

Thank you.
Thank you very much, ladies.

Thank you. Now--
now, drive carefully

and stay in school.

I can't believe I fell
for that story

about you not feeling
well enough to go tonight.

Not feeling well?
That's not the way we heard it.

Yeah, I seem to recall something
about the king of the house

laying down the law.

-ERNIE: Yeah.
-VINNIE: Yeah.

Is that what you said,
Your Majesty?

Oh. "Your Majesty."
That was good.

Well, not-- not-- not exactly.

I see.

[STAMMERS] Wait, Angie. [SIGHS]

Uneasy lies the head
that wears the crown.

Hey, Shakespeare in the park.
I had the beer concession.

Excuse me.

Oh, poor Tony.

Let's play.

New game, Mona.

Strip poker, wanna play?

Three slobs, a boob
and my grandson.

Think I'll pass.

Hey, hey, uh, hey, this--
this isn't what it looks like.

No? It looks to me like a bunch
of guys drinking beer,

smoking cigars,
flirting with girls,

and playing cards.

Well, sure, on the surface.

But if you look deeper,

you'll see that, you know,
it wasn't my fault.

I mean, they just showed up.
What could I do?

You could have told them no.

Had no trouble
saying that to me.

Oh, wait a minute, Angela.
[STAMMERS] Who's the one

who thought I should stay home
in the first place?

I only said that
because I thought

it might make
your head feel better.

It worked!

Come on, it never hurt
that much.

You were just playing
on my sympathy.

Hey, whoa, whoa, hey.

What are you saying, Angie,
I planned this whole thing?

As soon-- As soon as you left,
I called the guys,

"Just come on over,
Angela is gone"?

I don't want to hear about it.
I don't care how it happened.

I just want everybody out, okay?

No.

No?

That's right-- right. Those--
those are my friends out there.

I'm not throwing my friends out.

-Oh, really?
-That's right. Yeah.

And let me tell you something.
You throw my friends out,

you throw me out, too.

[KNOCKING]

Sam? Anybody home?

-Who could that be?
-Quiet!

-Probably just some lunatic.
-[KNOCKING CONTINUES]

TONY: Sam, open up,
it's your father.

See? It's not a lunatic.

[SIGHS] Oh, that's right.
You haven't met him yet.

TONY: Hey, hey, what's going on
in there? I hear voices.

Nothing, Dad. Nothing.

Oh, I'm sorry to-- Nothing, Sam?
You call this nothing?

Dad, we're just studying.
What are you doing here?

Bed check. What's his name?

Hank. And yours?

I'm her father.
I don't need a name.

What are you, like, uh,
her boyfriend or something?

Well, we've gone out
a few times.

[CHUCKLES] Well,
more than a few.

Yeah, you probably think
you're in love.

-Well--
-Ha!

I spit on love! [SPITS]

-Dad!
-I'm telling you,

when love walks in,
respect and compassion

go flying out the door.
It all becomes an ugly struggle

for control,
like two crazy people

fighting over the steering wheel
of a runaway car.

Oh, you and Angela had a fight.

-I don't want to talk about it.
-Right.

We won't push it then, Dad.
See you.

-Sam.
-You know-- You know--

You know, men and women...

It-- it just doesn't work.

I mean, we should live on
separate continents, you know,

and-- and only meet, like,
on neutral territory.

Like-- like Switzerland.

And then-- then only
to perpetuate the species.

Boy...

-[SIGHS]
-...you've really been

put through the wringer,
haven't you?

[SCOFFS] Well, dad always says
whatever doesn't k*ll you

makes you stronger.
Way to hang tough, Dad.

Uh, learn from my mistakes,
Hank.

Hank, my boy,
learn from my mistakes.

I thought she wanted to love me,

but no, that wasn't enough.

She had to take control
of every facet of my life.

Well, it's a dirty job, Dad,

but someone's got to do it.
Come on!

-Here we go.
-Samantha.

Where's your compassion?

I mean, look at him.

Okay, okay, you're right,
you're right.

Great.

-I'll see you tomorrow.
-Okay.

Good luck.

Thanks, Hank.

Bye.

-Dad.
-Oh, I'm sorry, Samantha.

It's just that Angela's got me
so crazy. I'm so upset.

Well, let's talk about it.
Okay, what? So you feel like,

like she's controlling
your life?

Exactly, Sam. Exactly.
It's all coming down

just like Tiny, Ernie,
and rest of the guys said.

You've been discussing male,
female relationships with them?

Yeah. None of them have
any women problems.

None of them have
any women, Dad.

But they were right
this time, Sam. They were right.

I mean, ever since Angela and I
got engaged, she's changed.

She doesn't even trust me
anymore.

Yeah, well, telling me all this
is not gonna do any good.

You should really just go home
and talk to her.

[SCOFFS] No way, Sam.
I ain't crawling back there.

I got my pride.

[SCOFFS] Yeah, well,
if you don't go home,

where are you gonna stay?

Oh, no.

You know, just for tonight, Sam.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay. Okay, good,
because you know why?

Angela Bower has to learn
that no woman--

No woman pushes Tony Micelli
around. [CHUCKLES]

-Dad, feet, feet, feet, feet!
-Oh!

Okay. [LAUGHS]

Everybody relax.
I decided to come back.

[SIGHS]

You've been out?

Yes, I've been out. All night.

Really?

Don't give me that, Angela.

You knew I was out.
What? Are you kidding? [LAUGHS]

Tony, after you left
with the guys, I went to bed.

I just got up.

-Really?
-Yeah.

She just chipped off
the night cream.

Oh!

See, you know, you try to make
somebody's life miserable,

and they take all the fun
out of it, huh?

How could you sleep
after the fight
we had last night?

Well, Tony, I didn't think you
were gonna stay out all night

in some childish attempt
to get even.

Huh! And I thought you knew me.

Well, obviously, I don't.

Is this what you're going
to do every time

we have an argument?
Run away from home?

No, I only run away from home

when I feel
like I'm being controlled.

-I am not controlling you.
-Oh!

-You're not controlling me?
-I am not.

You're not controlling me?

-I am-- I am not. What, what?
-Oh, no? What's this?

Let's take a look
right over here, Angela.

What is this here?
You got me booked
into the millennium.

I mean-- I mean,
what do you call that?

I call it a relationship.
Doing things together.

Oh, yeah, well,
whatever happened to the Angela

who-- who didn't push me
to do things I didn't wanna do?

Well, what happened
to the Tony Micelli

who didn't have to be pushed?

Oh. Oh, please.
The idea is that you--

-[STAMMERING]
-[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

Hey, hey! Please!

You're getting spittle
in my coffee.

Yeah, and there it is.
[CHUCKLES]

Well, why don't you just leave?
We'll settle this ourselves.

-Yeah, I think--
-How, by yelling at each other?

Hey, wait, I'm going to help you
work through this.

-Tony, give me your hand.
-Yeah.

-Now, Tony, you love Angela.
-Hm.

And you enjoy this relationship.

You-- you just don't want
a lot of limits

put on your freedom.

Is that so wrong?

And, Angela,

you've dreamed of a relationship
like this for a long time.

-I thought so.
-Oh, boy. [SCOFFS]

And all that you ask

is that he want to spend
as much time with you

as you want to spend with him.

That's right. We have a problem.

-We're at an impasse.
-Right.

So, when you hit a little snag
like this, just remember...

neither one of you
is much of a catch.

TONY: Who's the Boss
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

Now, look, Angela, come on, we--
we can make this work, can't we?

Well, I think so.

I think all we have
to do is compromise.

Right. And you know
where we start?

-Where?
-We start with our schedules.

Come on over here.
Let's take a look here now.

All right. You got me there.
We're there, we're there.

Oh, now, look here.

-For instance, on the 17th...
-Yeah.

...I see that you've got
penciled in

that we're going to the museum,

which, you know,
is not exactly my cup of tea.

[SIGHS] No problem.
You're free not to go.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.
Okay, great.

Now-- now, what about
the day after?

-I'm not doing anything there.
-No, Tony, see,

I have a baby shower, see?

Oh. Oh, well, so much for doing
things together.

No, wait. Wait, Tony,
I'm not doing anything today,

and according to the calendar,
either are you.

Oh well, that's because I forgot
to write, um,

"Golf with Ray."

-See that there?
-Oh!

But you know what?
I'm canceling.

I'm canceling and I don't--
I don't wanna take--

-I won't take no for an answer.
-What are you talking?

No, no, no, no.

Because let me explain something
to you, I want to do today

whatever it is that you want
to do today. Okay?

-You mean it?
-Absolutely, Angela.

-Really?
-Absolutely.

-Oh, Tony, this will be great!
-Good.

-You can come with me...
-[GASPS]

...to the salon while I have
a facial and a manicure.

Oh!

And then I want to go
to check out the new spring line

-at Bloomies. [SHRIEKS]
-Oh!

And you know what?
This is gonna be so much fun.

-Yeah!
-You can sit down

and I'll put on the dresses,
and I'll model them for you!

-Oh!
-Oh!

Right!

Fore!

[♪♪♪]