07x23 - Between a Rock and a Hard Place

[bunniefuu]

Angela! Angela!

Sam. Sam. What is it?

Nothing, Dad. Everything's fine.

-Oh, okay.
-Angela, help!

-Please, allow me. Angela!
-Tony, what's the matter?

Uh, I don't know.

-I'm in big trouble, Angela.
-The printer messed up

-the concert tickets?
-No, the mock-up is terrific.

"Ridgemont College Rockfest '91,
featuring..." [GASPS]

No one?

That’s my problem.
I've got two great warm-up bands

but I can't find a headliner.

And I've got this local group
The Resistance on hold,

but, I'd love to find
a bigger name, so...

And you wanna know if I have
any connections
through my agency?

Well, you know,
I could make a call.

No offense, Dad,

but I don't think the kids
want to see Vic Damone.

Angela, think.

Yeah. I work with a lot
of studio musicians.

But no real names--
Oh! What about that woman

who sings in the state farm
commercial. You know.

♪ And like a good neighbor
State fa-- ♪

No. That wouldn't be good.

Did I mention I could
make a phone call?

-Well, hi, hi, guys.
-Mona, my savior.

Mona, I need a rock star.

Honey, honey.

They'll just take you
on the road,

make you get a tattoo,
and buy you leather brassieres.

Oh, sure, it sounds good, but...

it's no life for you.

-No, I don't want to date one.
-Good. Leather makes you sweat.

Oh, look here. Look here.
Sam's horoscope.

"The answer to your problem
is as close

as your nearest relative."

Jonathan, Billy!

What am I,
the invisible man here?

Do either one of you know anyone
who might know a rocks--

What am I doing?
Look who I'm asking.

See you later, Mom.
I'll drop the kid off.

I'm going to play
at Timmy Springsteen's house.

Springsteen? Really? Like--
like the Springsteen?

Yeah,
Bruce Springsteen's his dad,

Madonna's his mom,
and Paul McCartney

mows his lawn.

Oh, look here.
Forty three across.

"Someone who knows people
in the music business."

Let's see, three letters,
starts with a "D,"

-ends with a "D."
-Dad.

D-A-D. Dad! That's right! Yeah!

Look, all I'm saying is,
I happen to know somebody

in the business.

You mean, that guy that I met
at your high school reunion?

Exactamundo , Angela.
Exactly. Steve Mueller.

He's a big-time
concert promoter. Hey.

For my high school graduation,
he got us Herman's Hermits.

Well, you know. "Mrs. Brown,
you got a lovely daughter."

"There's a kind of hush
all over the world"?

"I'm Henry VIII, I Am."

And you make fun
of the music I like?

Look, all I'm saying is,
this guy's a big-time promoter.

Well, do you really think
there's a shot?

There might be a shot.

Let's call him. What do you say?
What do you say?

The last time I saw him
at my high school reunion,

he went on and on
about this favor he says

he owes me from high school.

Something about me saving him
from a bully.

That is so like you.

I know.

Steve Mueller, please.

Uh, tell him Tony M is calling.

it's my nickname
from high school.

There were 38 other Tonys.

Hey, Steve! That's right,
it's the Tonester. How are you?

Hey, listen, listen, man.
I'm going to take you up

on that favor you offered me.

Yeah, cause, my daughter
is promoting a big rock concert

at Ridgemont College
this Saturday

and we need a band.

Well, no, we're open
to suggestions.

What do you got in mind?

Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Wilson Phillips.

Uh-huh! Or The Monkees?
Sam, he can get The Monkees!

-Dad, Wilson Phillips!
-You're sure?

-Wilson Phillips!
-Wilson Phillips!

Okay, okay. Steve, Steve,
we'll take Wilson Phillips.

All right. Yeah, great, great.
See you then.

We are getting Wilson Phillips.

-Tony, that is great.
-All right, now, now, ladies,

ladies, it's not definite.
I mean.

Wilson Phillips is available,
but Steve needs to hear

-more about this date.
-Okay.

So, later we'll have to go
and discuss it with him

at the recording studio.
[LAUGHS]

Dad. This is great, I'm gonna go
call the committee

-and tell them.
-So,

your dear old dad's
not so square after all, huh?

No, you're the best
and the hippest.

[LAUGHS]

Who's Wilson Phillips?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for livin' ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times
I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life
A brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

Ooh. Sam, look at this.
A real recording studio.

Hey. Think of all
the famous people

that have worked here. Huh?

Hey, Sam, look.
It's Rod Stewart.

No, Dad. I don't think so.

Are you kidding?
I'd know him anywhere.

He's coming in here.
He's coming in here.

Boy, that guy could use
another hit, huh?

-Hey, Tony!
-Steverino!

-How are you? Good to see you!
-Hey! Steve,

here's my daughter Sam.
Sam, Steve Mueller.

-Hi.
-Hey, Sam,

so, you're the big
rock promoter, huh?

I just wanna warn you.

This business has got
its ups and its downs.

Whoa! You're telling us.

Rod Stewart just went
in the men's room

with a plunger.

So, Tony, you still singing
with that group of yours,

what was the name?
The-- the-- the Dialtones?

Not the Dialtones,
the Dreamtones.

No, we broke up a couple of
years ago.

That's too bad. 'Cause you guys
were pretty good.

Really, Steve? You think so?
I mean, you're a professional.

You see a lot of good groups.
You know,

I could get the guys together
real fast, we'll come down here.

Tony, Tony, I was being polite.

We're all very excited
about Wilson Phillips.

We're just a little concerned
about the price.

And we're not so sure
if we could afford that.

Listen, fortunately,
this is not about money.

Bands like Wilson Phillips,

they always got to try out
new stuff.

And you got a young,
hip college crowd.

Oh, the youngest
and the hippest.

I should know. I go there.

Not much of a selling point,
huh?

I'll overlook it, all right?

Now, look. I reviewed the fax
you sent me, okay--

-[BEEP]
-Tony will you stop it?

I'm sorry.

About the school
and the facilities

it all looks pretty good.

I don't see
why this can't happen.

Great, great! Well,
should we get something

-in writing?
-Aw, I'd love to,

but the girls
are all out of town.

It's just I need something
to take back to the committee.

Sam, Sam. Come on, now, Sam.
This is a friend

doing a friend a favor.

Well, you know. I'm sorry.
But that's not the way

-things work on this level.
-TONY: Mm-hmm.

Maybe you should go
with your local band.

Oh, hey, hey.
Let's not be hasty.

There must be some way
we can confirm this.

-Well--
-Hey. Hey. How about calling

-one of the girls?
-[STEVE CLICKS TONGUE]

-I guess. I could call Chynna.
-Oh, boy. Let's call Chynna.

-What's her number? I'll dial.
-No, no. I'll do it, all right?

Listen. Besides,
the possibilities

of her being home,
that's about a million to--

Chynna! Doll! You're home!

Sam, it's Chynna.
Chynna Phillips.

Do you know, her mama and papa
were the mamas and the papas?

And that's not all.
That's not all.

Her stepsister
is Mackenzie Phillips

of TV's One Day at a Time.

Do I have this music business
wired or what?

Chynna says. They'll do it.

-Just like that?
-Just like that?

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

It was a pleasure
doing business with you.

Yes!

So, you and the girls
can make it for a sound check

-on Friday afternoon?
-Friday it is.

-Oh!
-I got to go.

Steve. Thanks, buddy. Watch it.

Oh, thanks, Dad.
You still got it.

I know.

♪ Everybody
Loves somebody sometimes ♪

♪ Everybody falls in love-- ♪

A little higher. Perfect.

TONY: Angela, look at that.
Look at that.

You know what that is?
It's a big "W."

Thanks. I might have missed it.

You know what that "W"
stands for, Angela?

That "W" stands for Wilson.

Which is the last name
of Carnie and Wendy.

And they are the offspring
of a very famous beach boy.

Can you name
that beach boy, Angela?

Zeppo.

You're giving me
bad vibrations there, Angela.

Dad, have you heard from Steve?
I thought they'd be here by now.

Well, is he more
than an hour late?

-No.
-Well, then he's on time.

Rock 'n' roll time. Jump back,
kiss myself, wow!

Hey, tickets are selling
like hotcakes.

What tickets?
We've been sold out for days.

I know, that's why I had
a few extras printed up.

You're selling fake tickets
to this concert?

All that's left is rear balcony.

Hey, Sam, I've got a message
from Steve for you.

Steve called? What did he say?

-Wilson Phillips can't make it.
-They can't make it?

What do you mean
they can't make it?

Today. They can't make it today.

Oh. But they'll be here
for the concert tomorrow, right?

Well, Steve said
he's 99.9 percent su--

That's not enough!
I want a 100 percent!

Okay. A 100.

-Steve said that?
-No. I did.

Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam.
He's just a messenger.

I knew this was
too good to be true.

When Steve didn't sign
that contract,

I should have known.

Guess I better go unload
these balcony seats

before people find out
there's no Wilson Phillips...

...and no balcony.

Listen, listen. Hold on.
Hold on here.

Steve is a friend of mine.
He wouldn't let us down.

What do you think, Angela?

I think it's time to call
your backup.

My thought exactly!
It's a good thing

I still have
The Resistance on hold.

Uh. I'm pretty sure
you can't get them either.

-How sure?
-A 100 percent.

I canceled them this morning.

-What?
-Well, they had
another job offer, Sam.

And they needed
an immediate answer.

You weren't there.
So, I told them to take it.

[CHUCKLES] You know-- you know
that lead singer of theirs is,

he's a heck of a guy.

Did you know that Wart
is not his Christian name?

-Sam. I'm sorry. Are you okay?
-Yes. I'm fine.

Well, no, you don't seem okay.

-No, Dad, really. I'm fine.
-No, no. If you're angry, Sam,

let it out. It's not good
to hold these things in.

How could you do this to me?

Everything would have been fine

if you'd just minded
your own business.

But, no. Not my dad.

Because of you, I've sold
every one of these seats

and my headlining act
is a "W" and a "P."

You know. None of this
would have happened

if she would've just went
with The Monkees.

[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]

[ROUGH MODULATED VOICE]
♪ The city is big
Just like me ♪

♪ That's why they call me
Too big M.C... ♪

Steve, get out here. Get out
of here, we gotta talk.

Hey, Tony, we're working here.
Can't this wait?

[MODULATED VOICE]
No. This can't wait.
We got to talk-- right now.

Hey, could you do some--

Could you-- could you do
something about that microphone?

I'm scaring myself here.

[NORMAL VOICE] Thank you.

[HIGH PITCHED VOICE]
Can you make
this quick?

I'm trying to do a rap here.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, you forgot your voice.

All right, you. All right, you.

You promised me,
Wilson Phillips.

And what's worse I promised them
to my daughter.

Now, are they going to be there?
Yes or no?

Wilson Phillips
is looking real... iffy.

Iffy was not one of the choices.
Now look.

I-- I saw you talked to Chynna.
She said yes.

Wait a minute, you didn't talk
to Chynna, did you?

-Um--
-Oh, Steve!

Look, I had to fake the call.

You backed me into a corner
and I needed to buy more time.

-Buy some more time for what?
-I thought I pull it off.

If I got those guys,

this would have put me
on the map as a promoter.

But wait a minute, I thought you
were on the map as a promoter.

I am, with Dylan, Sting...

Holding their lunch.

Wait a minute what are you?
You're a gofer?

I'm not a gofer.
I'm the head gofer.

Well, excuse me
for not kneeling.

Look, Tony, I'm sorry.

The last thing I wanted to do
was let you down.

-It's my fault.
-Yeah. Right.

I got in over my head.
Trying to be the big shot.

-Yeah.
-You know, the big hero.

Oh, yeah.

The man of the hour.

Yeah, yeah.

The guy who steps in
and saves the day.

Oh, boy.

I can't expect a guy like you
to understand that.

Oh, Steve, actually I can.

I mean, I wanted to be
the big hero for my daughter.

I guess I did some things
I shouldn't have.

Oh this is all my fault.

You know, you're right, Tone.
How could you stoop so low?

I'm surprised at you. You know,
you never change. [GRUNTS]

-The music business stinks.
-[HIGH VOICE] I don't know.

Last year I made


[TURNS ON EFFECTS PROCESSOR]

♪ The city is bad
The people are, too ♪

♪ So what am I supposed to do ♪

Here. Any luck?

Not yet. I'm making
one more phone call.

-And I'm keeping
my fingers crossed.
-All right.

Hi, yes.
This is Samantha Micelli

calling for Vic Damone.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

No. No message. Thanks.

Hey, Mona.

-Hey, Al.
-Hey. [CHUCKLES]

Hey Al, I didn't think
you were gonna make it.

Where's the rest of the band?

Ah, we split up.

I went acoustic.

I'm writing more
about my personal life.

Okay, okay. Well, let's hear it.

All right. All right.

-Hey, Ange.
-Hello.

[GUITAR CHIMES]

[OFF-KEY]
♪ Broke up the band ♪

♪ Went acoustic ♪

♪ I'm writin' more
About my personal life ♪

♪ Personal life ♪

♪ Personal life ♪

♪ I'm writin' more
About my personal life ♪

That's very, personal.

Yeah, and if you play
it backwards, it's...

♪ Well, duh ♪

I got more. I got more
This one's brand-new.

-All right.
-Oh, God.

[GUITAR CHIMES]

[OFF-KEY]
♪ I'm on my bike ♪

♪ Drivin' to Sam's ♪

♪ She wants me to audition
For this big concert ♪

♪ I get to her house ♪

♪ I play her somethin' ♪

I don't have an ending
for this yet. You like it?

That's very different.
It doesn't rhyme,

It doesn't have a melody.

But then I get so tired
of rhyme, rhyme, rhyme,

melody, melody, melody.

You know, Al, I'm afraid
your sound would just get lost

In a big auditorium.

I-- I think you need
a more quiet, personal setting.

Hey, you know, you're right.
I do my best work in the subway.

And if you want to go electric,

you just stand
on the third rail.

Thanks anyway, Al.

This is it, guys.
I'm officially sunk.

I mean, It's too late
to get another band.

Thank you, Dad.
Thank you very much.

Well, honey, you have a right
to be upset.

Your father made a mistake.

A really big mistake.

I mean, a humongous mistake.

Yes, he erred humongously...

But, Sam, parents
aren't always perfect.

Once in a while,
they'll let you down.

They'll promise you things
that they can't deliver.

They won't always get you

everything you want
for Christmas.

They'll forget to order you
that cake you really like

for your birthday.

They'll promise to come
to your school play...

End up in some
men's strip joint...

With a fistful of dollar bills.

And when you come to them
with tears in your eyes

-looking for an explanation--
-Oh, let it go!

Anyway, you get my point.

When was the last time
your father made a promise
he couldn't keep?

That's what I thought.

Hmm. Not a bad track record
for 18 years, huh?

[SOBS]

Al. Al, are-- are you crying?

Ever since I went acoustic,
I'm much more in touch
with my feelings.

-ANGELA: Hi.
-Oh, hi, everybody. Hey, Al.

-What's with him?
-He's gone acoustic.

Where have you been all day?

Well, I was out, you know,
looking for another headliner

for Sam's concert.

I didn't have much luck though.

Although, I did find one group
that was ready,

willing and able.

-♪ He's sorry ♪
-♪ He's sorry ♪

-♪ Won't you please accept ♪
-♪ Won't you please accept ♪

-♪ His apology ♪
-♪ His apology ♪

-The Dreamtones?
-MAN: You got it!

Well, I-- I know
we're not Wilson Phillips, Sam.

But I had to scrape
the bottom of the barrel

this is what I came up with,
you know.

-Wait a minute.
-What do you mean?
"Bottom of the barrel?"

We're better
than Wilson Pickett.

-No, it's not Wilson Pickett!
-Let's get out of here.

Wait a minute, guys.
Don't go yet! Sam, Sam,

I did the best I could.
What do you say?

[SIGHS] What can I say, Dad?
I mean, from Wilson Phillips

to Tony and The Dreamtones?

[CLICKS TONGUE]
How lucky can I get?

Sam, you mean it?
You're really terrific, Sam!

We'll do a good job
for you, promise! Right guys?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Whoa!

I got the ending of my song,
all right?

♪ Then tony comes in
With four old dudes ♪

♪ And I don't get the job ♪

♪ Boo hoo, boo hoo ♪

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[CROWD CHEERS]

Okay, okay!

And now to close the show--

-Wilson Phillips!
-Wilson Phillips!

-Wilson Phillips!
-Wilson Phillips!

Guys, guys, guys, guys!
I'm sorry,

but due to circumstances
beyond our control,

Wilson Phillips
can't be here tonight.

-Rip-off!
-Rip-off!

-Rip-off!
-Rip-off!

Wait, wait, guys!

Guys, guys, guys!
Please, please!

We've got someone else, okay?

In fact, you could, uh...

kind of, sort of, maybe say
that their music

is like the roots
of rock 'n' roll.

So,
please put your hands together

for those Deans of doo-wop,

-Tony and the Dreamtones!
-Yay!

I got a bad feeling about this.

Don't worry. Don't worry.
Hey! We're entertainers. We'll--

-we'll win them over.
-k*ll them!

See? They're coming around
already.

All right, boys,
what do you say?

Let's chime down.

[ALL HARMONIZING]

♪ Remem-mem
Remem-mem-mem-ber ♪

♪ Remem-mem
Remem-mem-mem-ber ♪

♪ Remem-mem
Remem-mem-mem-ber ♪

♪ Remem-mem
Remem-mem-mem-ber ♪

♪ Whoa oh oh oh ♪

-♪ Whoa oh whoa oh ♪
-♪ Remem-mem-mem-ber ♪

♪ That night we fell in love
Beneath the stars above ♪

♪ That was a lovely
Summer night ♪

♪ Remember then ♪

-♪ Then ♪
-♪ Then ♪

-♪ Then ♪
-♪ Then ♪

♪ Remember remem-mem
Remem-mem-mem-ber ♪

♪ Our love is in the past ♪

♪ Pat-a-past ♪
♪ Pat-a-past ♪

♪ Why did it go so fast ♪

♪ Fat-a-fast ♪
♪ Fat-a-fast ♪

♪ Why couldn't our love last ♪

-♪ May last wop ♪
-♪ May last wop ♪

-♪ Wop ♪
-♪ Wop ♪

-♪ Ranna Danna Ba Ba ♪
-♪ Ranna Danna Ba Ba ♪

♪ Shoo bop shoo bop bop ♪

♪ I'm broken-hearted now
Since she has parted now ♪

♪ My mind wanders
Now and then ♪

♪ Wop wop ba dee dee bop bop ♪

♪ Remember then ♪

-♪ Then ♪
-♪ Then ♪

-♪ Then ♪
-♪ Then ♪

♪ Remem-mem
Remem-mem-mem-ber ♪

-♪ Hold me tight and ♪
-♪ Don't let go ♪

-♪ Hold me tight and ♪
-♪ Don't let go ♪

-♪ Hold me tight and ♪
-♪ Don't let go ♪

♪ Hold me tight and ♪

♪ Don't let go yeah ♪

-Thank you. Thank you very much.
-[ANGELA CLAPPING]

You've been a terrific audience.
Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you.

Boo!

Sorry, Sam. Looks like--
looks like we cleared the place.

Oh, no, Dad.
They stayed for most of it.

I think it was your salute
to the Harmonicats

-that sent them packing.
-Yeah.

But, hey, I'm still here.

Hey, I think somebody in back
is holding up a lighter.

Well, you know what that means,
don't you?

-Encore!
-Encore!

No, no. They're going to torch
the place!

TONY: Who's The Boss?
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

Hey, hey ladies, come in here.
We got a new Dreamtone.

You gotta hear this,
you gotta hear this, come in,

ready? Ready guys?
Ready, ready, ready?

One, two, three.

♪ Bom Bom Bom Bom
Bom Bom Bom Bom Bom ♪

♪ Bom Bom Bom Bom Bom
Da dang Da dang dang ♪

♪ A-ding dong ding ♪

[DEEP BASS] ♪ Blue moon ♪

Not bad, huh?

[HUMMING]

♪ Oohiee ♪

♪ Oh this feeling’s
k*lling me ♪

-♪ Aw shucks! ♪
-♪ Aw shucks! ♪

♪ Oh wouldn't stop
For a million bucks ♪

-♪ I love you so! ♪
-♪ I love you so! ♪

-♪ Well hold me tight and ♪
-♪ Don't let go ♪

-♪ Hold me tight and ♪
-♪ Don't let go ♪

-♪ Hold me tight and ♪
-♪ Don't let go ♪

♪ Hold me tight and ♪

-♪ Don't let go yeah ♪
-♪ Don't let go yeah ♪