05x08 - Snow White

[bunniefuu]

- Hey, boo.

How do I look in my new gear?

- Stop it, martin.

All right, you--you’d better stop.

You gonna wear yourself out

Before you even get to the slopes.

- That’s all right, gina. But you know damn well

Ain’t no brother got no business on no slopes, gina.

But I will be the flyest brother in the lodge, right?

- You know what?

I think it’s really sweet

That tommy invited us to go skiing this weekend.

- Don’t you? - I don’t know, gina.

Something about this whole ski trip

Don’t sound right, baby.

- What’s not right, martin?

Somebody tommy works with gave him the condo for the weekend.

What? - Think about it, gina.

Tommy ain’t got no job,

Which means we ain’t goin’ nowhere, baby.

- Wazzup?

- Whazzup!

- ♪ Martin

♪ I’m the man ♪

♪ Martin - it’s on. It's on.

♪ I’m the man ♪

- ♪ Oh, yeah

- Damn, gina!

What you got in here, baby, a body?

We’re only going for a couple of days, gina.

- But, baby, what if we go partyin’ or somethin'?

- Look, gina, either you put some of this stuff back

Or you call some pallbearers to carry it.

[Knock on door] - man...

- One, two, one, two, and it’s like that.

And you don’t stop.

Coley-cole’s up in this peace. Yes, feel me.

Love me.

Sha-shing.

Like for you all to meet shanise.

Shanise, uh, meet martin and gina.

- Cole’s told me so much about you both.

And let me make sure I got this right.

Um, which one of you is martin,

And which one’s gina?

- Aah, she’s so crazy.

Hey, look, look.

Remember, I told you,

Martin the one with them ears, right?

And gina got the head.

Head...ears. - Oh...

- See what i’m talking about? - Yeah. You are so smart.

Y’all, isn’t cole smart?

He’s my little einstein.

- Is that right?

Well, uh, which cole you talkin’ about?

’Cause this cole here is about as dumb as--

- Martin...

Martin, not in front of his new woman.

Uh, shanise, can I offer you a seat?

Oh, thank you.

But, uh, i, uh...

I--i don’t think that'll fit in the trunk of my car.

- Gina, this ain’t gonna fit in the car.

It’s too big.

- Okay, they about as dumb as a--

- Gina! Gina! Gina!

Baby.

- Come on in, baby.

Hey, whazzup?

[Hisses]

Those are some fly skis, gina. Those are nice.

- Ki--kidge.

How you doin’?

Anyway, what are you using for skis...

Two popsicle sticks?

- You just make sure

When we get out there on the ski slopes,

You keep your mouth shut.

I don’t want you meltin’ the snow...

Halle-tosis.

- Shut up! - Back up off of me.

- Hey, hey, pam!

Pam, come over here and introduce us

To your friend.

Busy yourself. Busy yourself.

Come here.

- Anyway, everybody, this is my friend tahiem.

- Hey, what’s up, man?

- See, that’s where you’re wrong, my brother.

I’m not the man.

Mr. Charlie got us calling each other

"The man" to praise him.

- Damn, you a little hostile, ain’t you, brother?

- I got a right to be hostile.

My people are being persecuted.

- Well, right now, you’re persecuting my ears.

Back up off of me, man. Better back up off me.

- Tahiem, just have a seat.

- All right, all right.

Um, pam, conference. - Conference. Okay.

- Pam, where did you find him?

- He works out at my gym.

He’s fine, though, ain’t he?

- Yeah, he’s kind of attractive,

If you wanna overthrow the government.

- Hey, whazzup, dawg and dawgettes?

All: hey.

- Cole? - Yeah.

- You didn’t introduce me to dawg or dawgette.

- So, um, whazzup, big tommy?

You about ready to do this ski thing?

- Oh, yeah, man. Oh, but you know what guys?

I won’t be able to come down with you until tomorrow.

Aquanetta and I have some work we need to finish up.

- Oh. Who’s aquanetta?

- She’s a business associate. - Oh.

- Yeah, we’ve been spending

An awful lot of time together lately.

You know, actually, it’s her company's condo

That we’re going to be staying in.

- Ha ha ha ha. Business associate, right.

- No, really. - Right. Right.

- How she look?

- She all that and a pot of grits.

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Yo, yo, yo. Yo, big tom...

- Yeah? Yeah? - How’s the body?

Huh? How’s the body?

Is the body pla-da!?

- Uh-uh... No, a little more like

Pla-klickety-dow, dawg.

Fellas, i’m tellin' you,

This woman can stop traffic.

- Oh, that’s nice.

She’s a traffic cop.

- Who that?

- That’s a friend he had met.

- Any-any-anyway, guys,

Look, I just stopped by to drop off the keys, okay?

- Oh, well--well...

Before you go, i’d like you to meet

My--my--my friend.

Tahiem, this is tommy.

- How you doin’, p--hey...

- Right on.

Yeah, well, look here;

I’ll see you all tomorrow, okay?

All right, we gonna have ourselves a good time,

Y’all, all right?

- We’ll see, considering the fact that snow is white.

- Yeah, yeah. Good point.

- Anyway, uh, hey, martin, martin, hey...

If you need some earmuffs,

I got a couple of throw rugs I could give you.

- Eeee!

Eeee!

Eeeee! Aaah.

And I go around you.

Next time, my brother, read the signs.

When you feed bears,

They follow you home.

- Ooh.

- Yo, this place is dope, just like tommy said.

Where are the rest of you all staying?

- Step aside, small change. This is nice.

- Yo, yo, yo, martin, check out this entertainment center.

- Damn the entertainment center, man.

Ol’ marty-mart's about to get his drink on, coley-cole.

- No, my brother. Don’t drink that.

- What?

- It’s all a part of the man’s plot.

He wants us drunk, huh?

That’s how they got the indians.

It’s symbolic.

- Uh-huh.

Yeah, well, this is symbolic too.

- Of what, my brother?

- Of the a*s whupping you’re gonna get

If you don’t get your hand off my drink.

Get off of me.

- Hey, you guys, you gotta look at this view.

It’s beautiful.

You can see the ski lift from here.

Look, see the people.

- Ooh.

Which reminds me, gina. I’m sorry, um...

When we get on the ski lift,

Could you try not to tilt your head forward?

I don’t want us to tip over.

- Martin?

- I didn’t say jack, baby.

- Come on, y’all.

Let’s hit the slopes. We’re here to ski.

- All right, let me go to the bathroom.

You comin’ on the slopes with us, baby?

I told y’all, I ain’t gettin' on no slope.

I’m stayin' right here in the lodge,

Gettin’ my chill on.

- What’s the matter, little man?

You scared?

- Only of your face.

- Come on, baby.

You ready to go hit the slopes, huh?

- Why do you want to hit the slopes, cole?

They didn’t do anything to us.

- I’m ready.

- Hold up, brother.

What you plan on doing with that spray paint?

- I’m gonna paint as much of the snow black

As I possibly can.

- Help me.

- But, um, oh, yeah, I do that ski thing.

I do that, yeah.

- Well, uh, did you really win a gold medal

In the winter olympics?

- Oh, no, baby. It wasn’t gold.

It was silver.

But you--you know I would still be doin’ that ski thing

If my pro basketball career hadn’t taken off.

See, a lot of people don’t know that.

Yeah, yeah, i’m a ballplayer.

I play some ball.

- Martin!

- Oh...uh... Get off me.

Back up off me.

Back up off me.

Damn groupies.

See, i’m trying to get my chill on.

Hey, baby.

- I see you’re having a good time, martin.

- Aw, gina, those women can’t do nothing for me.

Baby, what about you?

Did you have a good time out there?

- [Snickers]

- I did... Till I fell.

- Ohh.

- She fell head first in the snow.

You had to see it. It was hilarious.

Yo, martin, it took, like, an hour to dig that noggin out.

- Yo, something is seriously wrong with you.

- Open your mind, brother.

- Hey, what’s up?

- I’m gonna tell you what’s up...

- We were trying to make a snowman...

- Ba--baby.

I’m gonna tell you what’s happenin', all right?

Mr. <Span tts:fontstyle="italic">get on the bus...</Span>

Knocked me and shanise’s snowman down.

- Yeah, and right before he came to life too.

- I was just lookin’ out for y’all, huh?

You see, frosty the snowman perpetuates the man’s myth.

What they don’t tell you is that the first snowman was black.

- Hey, hey, hey, what’s up, dawgs?

- Hey, tommy. - What’s up, tommy?

I thought you weren’t getting here until tomorrow.

- Yeah. What happened to, uh, aqua velvet?

- That’s aquanetta. Thank you.

Well, we finished a little early,

So we decided to come on up.

Hey, where is she? She was right behind me.

- Ah, there she is.

- Oh, sister’s fine.

- Y’all...

This is aquanetta.

- Hello, everybody.

- Oh, lordy, lordy, lordy.

- Hey...

I see hedric ceballos finally decided to wake up.

- Yeah, man. I had me a good nap too.

It stop snowin’ out there yet?

- Uh, yeah, yeah.

- That’s good, ’cause I can't wait

To get up in that snow, dawg.

- Damn, tommy. You just got here,

And you trying to hit it already?

- What?

- Never mind, man. Never mind.

- So, what-- what you all been doin’?

- Nothin’. We just out there rappin’.

- Yeah, well, what were you rappin’ about?

- Oh--oh, don’t worry, tommy.

It wasn’t about you being black

And your friend being white.

Trust me.

- What?

- Time out, I know.

- Rrrr.

What he meant to say, man, is...

Aquanetta seems pretty cool.

- Oh, yeah, man.

She’s a sweetie.

I really enjoy spending time with her.

- No doubt.

She’s just a little lighter than we thought.

- h*--h*--hold on.

I know y’all not trippin’

Behind the fact that aquanetta is white, are you?

- I ain’t trippin'.

Cole, you trippin’?

- Yeah, yeah, i’m still trippin' a little bit.

- You know what, guys? You know what?

If I had known that you guys were going to have

Such an immature reaction to this,

I never would have invited you up here, okay?

Hey, look, tommy, man,

I mean, don’t get mad at us.

You’re the one that made it seem like aquanetta was a sister.

- How did I do that? By saying she was fine?

- No, by naming her aquanetta.

- What?

- I mean, think about it, tommy.

How many white women you know named aquanetta?

- All right, you got a point.

- Hey, who you date--

Go out with is your business.

If--if--if you like her,

Hey, we love her.

- Love her. Love her.

- I don’t care if she's black, green, or white.

I don’t care.

- Hold up, martin.

Now, you know you’d be trippin'

If tommy rolled up in here

With some green sister, right?

Now, come on, give it up.

- Not now. You know what I meant, man.

- Guys, you know what?

I’m really glad that y’all like aquanetta,

’Cause this woman is about to change my life.

- Change your life? - That’s right.

See, i’m about to drop

Something real heavy on aquanetta tonight,

And I want you all to be there.

I’m out. Ha ha ha.

- Tommy, man, we gotta talk, man.

- No, no, no. I ain’t got time to talk.

Aquanetta waitin’ for me down at the lodge.

- Damn it, tommy!

Don’t you think you're rushing into this, man?

- Hold on. Look...

Let me tell you something, brother.

Sometime, you gotta take--

Just take caution and toss it into the wind, man,

And go for yours.

Peace.

- Oh, man. Do you realize

What tommy is about to do, man?

- Yeah, I do... But why he think

He gotta make an announcement about it?

I mean, everybody and their mama can see she’s white.

- No!

No!

He’s gonna ask aquanetta to marry him, man.

- Pam, look, I understand, okay?

- Gina? Gina, baby, I need to holler at you for a minute.

- Yeah, baby. What’s up?

- Gina, what would you do if--

If your best friend was going to marry somebody

They hardly even know, gina?

- What?

- Pam!

Pam! What is wrong?

I am not allowing you to marry tahiem.

He will make you take out your weave

And make you wear it natural.

Girl, you know you can’t do that!

- What is she talking about?

- You can’t do that, pam.

- No, gina, are you crazy? No! - What?

- Are you crazy, baby? Who would marry pam?

Okay? I’m talking about tommy.

He’s gonna ask aquanetta to marry him.

- Martin, no.

See, you know how you blow things out of proportion. No.

- No, no, no, no, gina. Not this time.

I was there, okay?

Now, tommy said he has something really heavy

To lay on us tonight,

And he was glad we liked aquanetta.

- Wait a minute.

Do you really think tommy’s gonna tell us that he’s engaged?

- He sure as hell ain’t gonna tell us she’s black.

- Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, now, y’all.

How is tommy going to marry somebody he just met?

- At a church, gina. Duh.

- Baby, baby, baby.

Look. Look. All right, all right.

There ain’t nobody gonna be no duhs here, okay?

I can’t just sit here and not do nothing.

- So what are you gonna do?

- I’m gonna stop him

From asking aquanetta to marry him.

- Oh, y’all come to dinner.

Dinner’s ready. Let’s go.

- Good, ’cause I'm about as hungry as a pam.

- Okay, everybody, um, before we get started,

I have something I wanted to say.

Now, aquanetta and I have-- - hold up, tommy.

Um, man, we--we ain’t blessed the food yet.

- Okay. All right.

- Cole, bless the food like we talked about.

- Oh, okay. Yeah, right. Um...

L--look down. - Bow your heads.

- That’s right. Bow your heads, please.

Uh, yo, god, thank you for this grub

Which we are about to chow down on.

And, uh, on a personal note, god, um...

Forgive me and shanise for what we did last night.

But if you let me do it a couple more times,

I promise, i’ll marry her.

Uh, about my pacer, god, you know...

- Cole, that’s fine. That was beautiful.

Amen. Hallelujah. Okay. All right, listen.

Guys, about what I was going to say, okay, um...

Aquanetta and i-- - hold up.

Tommy, give somebody else a chance to speak

With the man upstairs.

- Sorry.

- Goo.

Pam, would you like to bark a few words?

- Everybody, bow your heads.

Okay. Dear god, it’s your girl pam.

Whazzup?

Please bless this food that we are about to receive,

Yadda-yadda-yadda...

And please tell me why a man can jump over a beautiful woman

He’s known for years

For a woman he’s only known for two minutes.

I mean, I know I gave-- - hey, pam!

Hey, pam.

- Um, look, uh...

- Look, amen.

About my announcement, guys, okay.

Like I was going to say--

- Hold up, tommy. I mean, man--

Man, why are you so in a rush to make an announcement

Right now, man?

This food looks good,

And i’m hungrier than a mother, all right?

Hey, what the hell is this?

- It’s dinner. Eat some.

Maybe you’ll grow a little more.

- Gina, what’s up with the seasoning?

- Cole, I didn’t make the food spicy

Because some people might not like spicy food.

- Well, I don’t know about everybody else,

But I like my food spicy.

That’s why I keeps me some hot sauce

On my black-eyed peas.

- Why do they gotta be called black-eyed peas?

What’s up with that?

- Okay, okay, come on, guys.

Wait a minute.

Ain’t nobody gonna eat jack

Until after I make my announcement, okay?

Now, with the help of aquanetta...

All: mmm, mmm... Ah, ah, ah... La, la, la...

Ah, ah, ah... La, la, la... Mmm, mmm, mmm...

Ah, ah, ah... La, la, la... Mmm, mmm, mmm...

Ah, ah, ah... La, la, la... Mmm, mmm, mmm...

Ah, ah, ah... La, la, la... Mmm, mmm, mmm...

- Tommy, your friends are a little...

Weird.

- I don’t know what the hell they trippin’ off of.

All I was gonna say was,

I was going to be working with aquanetta.

- Man, I can’t let you do this, okay?

Now, tommy...

Say what?

Wor--working together?

- Of course.

- No relations?

- Oh, man.

Look, aquanetta and I

Are going to be working for the same company.

- I am so glad that you decided to accept, tommy.

- Thank you. - I am so glad.

- Look, guys, aquanetta set up a meeting

With the ceo of her company.

They offered me the job.

- That is great. - Thank you.

- What are you going to be doing at your new job?

- Same thing I was doing at my last job.

- Whatever. Tommy, congratulations.

I’m happy for you, man.

- Thanks, pam. - Whoo!

- So, martin, were you going to say something?

- I--i...

I--i was just going to say, uh...

Aquanetta, you-- you a fine human being.

Need more like ya.

Look, i’m goin' to be downstairs at the bar.

I think I need a little drinky-drink.

- Well, if you’ll excuse me,

I need to use the ladies’ room.

- All right.

- I think we all should go downstairs

And toast to tommy’s new job.

- So that means we gonna be toastin’ to nothin'.

- I don’t like nothin' on my toast either.

- You all go ahead.

I got to get my jacket from the bedroom.

- Well, where did everybody go?

- Oh, they went downstairs to the bar.

- Oh.

- Oh, before you go,

There’s something I've been meaning to say to you all day.

- Oh, really?

Well, there’s been something

I’ve been meaning to say to you too.

- So, how are you?

- Well, i’m fine. It’s a little cold out there.

- Brr. Ha ha ha! - Brr.

- Girl, you are absolutely white.

I mean, right!

- Tommy told us... So much about you.

- Well, tommy has told me a lot about you too.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

I hear you’re very funny.

- Well, I do all white.

I mean, all right.

I said I do all right! Cole, your turn.

- No, no, no.