04x07 - Uptown Friday Night

[bunniefuu]

No. Stay your butt there, martin.

I don't need help packing. Thanks.

Good, baby,

'Cause I don't need no help chillin'.

You're not still mad at me

About going to my office masquerade party, are you?

Damn right, gina.

I ain't getting caught at no bourgie costume party, baby.

Excuse me,

But the people at my job are not bourgie.

You right.

They're not bourgie. They're corny.

Whatever.

Did you get the costumes?

Got that. Got that, baby.

Check it out.

All right.

Right here.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

I got it right here.

What?

Martin, what is this?

That's your half of the costume, gina.

We're going as pam.

Whwh

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeawhazzup!♪

♪ I'm the man ♪

Tin ♪♪

Gina, you'd better come on

Before I change my mind about going.

O.k., Baby.

Don't close it.

I got a few more things.

What you got in here--

The old weight oprah lost?

One more pair of pumps. Got to get them.

Gina, baby,

We're only staying overnight.

Oh, so you don't want me

To bring those red pumps, do you?

Rrrawr.

Girl, you better get them red pumps.

Mm-hmm.

Bring the handcuffs, too.

Uh-huh.

Hey. Hey. Ha ha.

[Knock at door]

Oh, man.

Marty-mar.

Whazzup?

Whazzup?

Whazzup with y'all all fly for?

'Cause we going out tonight, dog!

Arf.

Ha ha ha.

There's a new club opening up,

And we in there.

We going to this new slammin' spot called club shiznit.

Martin, you'd better get rolling, man.

Y'all going to be late.

How far you got to drive?

It's about three hours away.

We're staying overnight.

We'll be back in the morning.

What'd you call us here for?

Uh, sit down.

Grab a seat.

Uh, well, look.

Sunday is me and gina's six-month anniversary,

And I want to get her a gift.

What you going to do--

Give her a divorce?

No, man.

Her grandmother gave her these earrings.

I want to put some diamonds in them.

You know, surprise her.

Oh, I taught you well.

I taught you well.

Look. When you gonna give them to her?

I was thinking about giving them to her in the morning.

I don't have time to pick them up.

No problem.

The jewelry store's around my way.

I'll pick them up,

Have them waiting on your table.

Whap!

Not that I got nothing against you

'Cause you cool.

You my boy.

But, uh, I was considering tom.

You going to choose unemployed floyd over me.

All right.

I will go with him,

Make sure he gets them,

And have them back in this apartment by tomorrow.

You serious?

Don't play with the earrings.

You won't regret this, martin.

The receipt?

Yeah.

I'll get that necklace.

No, man.

Now, see, already you messin' up.

It's not a necklace.

Earrings, cole. Earrings.

O.k.

All right.

Damn, can't a brother make a joke?

I realize the severity of this.

I'll get you that bracelet.

I-i-i'll get it.

I'm telling you,

If he messes it up,

Oh, nellie.

Aw.

Dag.

Cole, what kind of place is this--

A gambling shack?

That's right.

This is club shiznit.

What game you want to play?

I'm not a gambling man.

I'm going to play me some craps, dog.

Where you going to play you some craps, dog-dog?

Right there.

Look here.

Put gina's earrings in a safe place.

These people don't look cool.

Don't worry.

I got them safely tucked away in my sock.

Come on, seven.

Take a sister to heaven.

Uhh.

Uhh.

Dag.

Sorry, y'all

What are you doing here?

Losing all my money.

Come here, tommy.

Aw, see.

You miss big papa, don't you?

No. I just want to rub that dome for good luck.

How'd you find out about this spot?

Me and the owner, we go way back.

Yeah. Yeah.

He invited me personally.

Who is he?

[Mumbling]

Jerome's in the house.

I said jerome's in the hou-ou-ou.

Watch your mouth!

First of all, I just want to thank you for coming.

I want to welcome everybody to club shiznit.

Good to see you.

How y'all doing?

Spend your money. Work your money.

Wait a minute.

Couple of damn squares in the atmosphere.

Who the hell you do to get in here?

Look, jerome. We came here to enjoy ourselves

Like everybody else, man.

Tommy, please just forget him.

Let's go play roulette.

What you doing, man?

Play roulette. Y'all do that.

Play the damn roulette wheel

And spend your money like you're supposed to in shiznit.

What's happening, junk in the trunk?

I put a little saliva on you.

Let me get that off you, girl.

You taste good, girl.

You need no butter or nothing on you.

Jerome, these dice are funny.

They have nothing but s and s on them.

Say what?

What the hell?

Say, man, come here.

Let me holler at you.

I don't even believe this.

I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry.

Whatever she spins, she wins.

I'm trying to get up in them skins.

Thank you, darling.

How much them drinks cost?

This is a casino, man.

As long as you gambling,

The drinks free all night.

Well, I'll take them all.

Excuse me.

Come see me in minutes.

What's up, sweetheart?

Lookie here, sweet thing.

Coly-cole bought you a little something to sip on.

[Burps]

[Sniffs]

That's your kind of woman, huh, cole?

I'm going to have to get them digits

Before the night over with.

Oh, man!

It's red. I'm dead.

I lose again.

Is there a problem here, dear boy?

You know what, jerome,

This club is as crooked as your teeth, man.

Let's get out of here.

I ain't ready to break out.

If I win three times, that pacer is paid off.

I tell you what, roc...

Why don't you try your luck

At the blackerjack table?

With blackerjack, you might win a little money

And enjoy yourself or whatever.

If he wins, follow him home

'Cause the only winner at club shiznit is jerome.

Is you wit' me?

All right.

That's my bet.

O.k.

Not now, jerome, please.

Not now.

I'm on a roll.

Ha ha!

!

Blackjack!

I win!

Sorry, but you just got punked, junk.

Yeah. Yeah. Put them away.

Got punked?

I got .

Nah, baby, you see, at club shiznit,

Blackerjack is .

That's why we call it blackerjack.

Sorry, baby.

Maybe if you're nice to me,

You might win your money back.

No. Uh-uh, jerome. You are foul.

Hey! Hey, everybody!

Everybody, jerome is trying to cheat us.

You done took my money.

You took my money.

O.k., Listen.

Since y'all like to party,

More free drinks for every damn body.

Oh, yeah. It's all right.

Shake 'em up. Shake 'em up.

Shake 'em up. Shake 'em.

Whoo!

You know, that's how it is with me.

Wait a minute.

You won again?

Dealer, you fired!

Now drinks just went up to $ a glass.

If y'all don't like it,

Get out!

All right. Everybody, freeze!

Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.

That's right. Y'all know what this.

Throw your hands in the air...

And wave them like you just don't care.

Ah ha, I know--

Hey. Shut up!

This is a robbery.

Ain't no time for heroes.

Get your hands up.

Ain't that a b*tch.

I'm getting robbed by a woman.

Now that's a switch.

We want everybody to give up your gold,

Your silver, your wallets, everything.

If you have any dreams,

We want them, too.

Hell no, sister.

I worked hard for this.

Cole, don't be stupid.

Just to make sure nobody's strapped,

Everybody, strip down to your underwear.

You heard what I said.

Strip!

I ain't taking a damn thing off.

I don't take my g*n out the holster

Unless I ready to bang, bang, bang.

Look here.

You kind of cute.

Let me see that pretty smile.

Well, my best side is really the tooth over here.

Because I got one over here--

Just like I thought.

Give up the gold tooth.

No. Don't.

Come on.

This tooth's been in the family for years.

Just give me the tooth.

It's a family tooth.

Give up the tooth.

Damn, I'm being robbed.

Ow!

I'm glad they didn't check my sock for gina's earrings

'Cause had they checked,

We'd be in lots of trouble.

Shut up!

Just sh**t him, lady.

sh**t him.

Why didn't you tell me she--

All right.

Stay where you are minutes

And nobody will get hurt.

We want to thank y'all

For a beautiful evening.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Damn, man.

I don't believe this, man.

They took gina's earrings, man.

Hey, man. Damn the earrings.

They robbed club shiznit.

They got me for my toofus.

Aw,

Damn.

All right, now.

Now, normally,

I wouldn't be caught nowhere

With you two squares,

But just like shaka khan needs rufus,

I can't run the shiznit without my toofus.

We ain't trying to hang with you.

We ain't got all night.

You sure they in this warehouse?

Hold up, c*ck.

If I tell you a duck could pull a truck,

Just shut up and hook the sucker up.

Jerome, you right.

That's them in there.

Didn't I tell you that was them in there?

What we going to do, man?

First, I got to put on my secret weapon.

No how they can resist my body

Once I put on hi-karate.

Aah.

Aah.

Aah.

Aah.

Aah.

O.k.

Hi-karate?

That went out with the bump.

What? The bump done went out?

But that was my dance.

I used to be in with the bump.

Jerome!

Shh.

How we going to get the earrings?

O.k. O.k. This is my plan.

Now, y'all distract them

While I mac attack them.

Can you dig it?

I'll steps this way.

Keep quiet.

Keep it down.

Don't blow your cover.

What did he say?

I don't know.

He said something about having a big mac attack.

Forget him.

We're doing things our way.

I'm with you.

Walk this way.

That heist was whack.

People had nothing but fake gold and food stamps.

[Robber] I could use these food stamps.

$ Bills.

Look at this pleather,

Fake pearls, and a bo--

A bolex watch.

And I bet the sister that owned this

Thought she was fly with her alvin klein purse.

And this gold tooth

That superfly had ain't even real.

Hey, cole.

I don't know what jerome's doing,

But we got to do something fast.

I'll get him.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Shut up!

Oh, hi.

Looks like we got ourselves

A couple of uninvited guest.

And I don't like it

When people come by unannounced.

What y'all want to do with them?

Before we put them out their misery,

Let's see what they want.

Ha ha.

Speak your peace, or rest in it.

Ha ha.

Hey! Don't play dumb!

Believe me, ma'am,

He ain't playing.

It's on you, heady kruger.

Why y'all here?

All we want are those diamond earrings.

You ladies can have everything else.

[Music playing]

Y'all here that?

Where's the music coming from?

Now, I came to get my gold toofus back.

I know it ain't real,

But you didn't have to tell every damn body.

Look. Look.

Forget the toofus.

These earrings belong to my best friend's wife.

Her grandmother gave them to her.

They been in her family for generations.

Now, I want you ladies

To look deep inside your souls

And ask yourself this question.

Oh, you don't hear me?

Yeah. I hear you.

What would your grandmother think--

Well--

If she knew you led a life of crime?

'Cause if you can steal,

Then you can k*ll.

And if you can rob,

Then you can cheat.

And I don't like no cheating woman.

Y'all too damn fine to be doing crime.

It brings a tear to my eye

'Cause you're too fine.

Y'all should be in show business.

You do kind of look like

A low-budget tlc.

See, ladies,

You don't have to do this.

You know, back in the neighborhood,

They did say we had talent.

Well, girls,

I been thinking,

I don't want to rob people no more.

You know, I been thinking the same thing.

I want to do music.

You want to do music?

Y'all can let me get down with y'all.

First of all, I know how to do the funk.

I invented all that.

And then, plus, I got humming now.

So check out how I hum.

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Oo-oo-oo-ooh ♪♪

Blam, daddy!

Yeah.

Well, if we going to make records,

I think we need a name.

O.k. Let me think some.

I know there's a name

That I could give for us.

Romeo lando and dawn.

Y'all be dawn. Y'all just dawn.

All of y'all, one dawn.

We need a little practice.

I say we bring it over here.

Everybody needs a little practice in their life.

So, on the one,

On the two...

♪ Roller coaster ♪

♪ Roller coaster ♪♪

Everybody, bump with me.

Boom bam bam.

Oh.

Roll it around.

[Tommy] help me with this.

[Cole] why we doing this now?

We told him by morning.

That's what we have to dooo!

Ow.

Tommy, help me.

I'm stuck.

Would you come on?

Shh. Shh.

Ow. Ow.

I know. Rub it. Rub it.

I don't think they're here yet, man.

O.k.

Phew.

Word. Brother got lucky, man.

If martin found out I lost gina's earrings,

That brother would've k*lled me.

God takes care of fools and babies.

That's for sure.

I damn sure ain't no baby.

[Keys jingling]

Tommy, that's them.

Act like you're chillin'.

What are you two doing up in here so early?

Nah, damn that.

What y'all doing in the apartment period?

Uh, we--we were just sitting.

Yeah. That's what we--

House-sitting.

Get it?

Oh, thank you.

We really appreciate it.

Baby, I'm going to go to bed.

That costume made my head hurt.

I got something for you.

Don't i, cole?

You sure do. Ha ha.

Ha ha.

Well, give it to me.

Oh.

Yeah.

Whoo.

Gina?

Yeah.

Happy six-month anniversary, baby.

Oh, baby.

You remembered?

I love you so...

So much.

Thank you.

Gimme. Gimme. Gimme.

What is it?

Oh, my.

I knew you'd like it, baby.

Martin?

Yeah.

You gave me a gold tooth?

[Whistling]

Aw, damn.

I'm going to miss my gold toofus,

But I can give these earrings

To one of my fly honeys.

♪ Diamonds are my new best friend ♪

♪ And that's the e-e-end ♪♪

One more pair of shoes.

That's it. Now, we're only staying...

Look...gina...

Now, that's it.

I don't need any help packing. Thank you.

Good, baby, 'cause I don't need no help chillin', gina.

Aw, come on, martin.

I know you're not still mad at me

About going to the mou--mah--

Eee--oooh...

No bourgie, masquerade,

Costume whatever party, baby.

I got a little surprise for you, gina.

Uh, just waiting on cole to give it to me.

Ray got it. I ain't got it.

Who? Ray.

You don't have it? I ain't got it.

Gina's grandmother gave her

This ear--these earrings, right?

And I'm having some diamonds put in them.

Oh, man!

You--you--you--

Ha ha ha ha ha!

We still don't work.

Hey!

Help me with this--

Aah!

Damn that neil!

Arrgh!

O.k.

Here we go.

Why do we got to do this now?

We promised. Now get out of the way!

I'm going through.

No, I'm-- cole!

Get off of me!

You gonna help us get these earrings?

If I tell you a duck could pull a truck,

Then shut the [foghorn] up!