06x15 - Dear Landlord

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

Singer:
♪ there's a time for love ♪

♪ and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road and
a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is
up to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

Hi, hi.

Hi angela, hey,

Look who's here.

The man who
sells us our h2o,

The willie loman
of water,

Huh? Our good friend--
what was your name again?

They always forget
the little guy.

Hi, ernie.

So, what's the latest
gossip?

Who's pregnant, who's cheating,
who's divorcing?

Okay, mark harper
is cheating,

Pam harper
is divorcing,

And mary fuller
is pregnant.

Who's mary fuller?

The reason mark
and pam are divorcing.

That's so sad.

Yeah, yeah.
It's sad for them, angela.

But it's an
opportunity for you.

Their house is for sale
look, look.

Hey, you know how your
accountants weren't urging you

To invest
in real estate.

How did he know that?

Well, you know angie,
he has a sixth sense about--

I told him.

Looks like
a good deal,

But you know, rental properties
can be such a hassle.

It's investment of time
as well as money.

All right so look,
look, look,

I'll put in the time,

You put in
the money.

I'll be
your superintendent.

Imagine me
working for you.

Well,
it's worked so far.

Oh, and with all
your new responsibilities,

I insist
on paying you.

Hey, I insist
on being paid.

What, are you kidding me?

Tony, you got
the best boss.

Oh, ernie, ernie

You don't know
the half of it.

She--she's a sl*ve driver.

She's hard as nails.

That's right,
buster.

So...

You have
any references?

Well ma'am,
you'll just have to call

My current employer.

I think you've got
the number.

Oh, she must be
very smart lady

To employ
somebody like you.

Well, smart
and smart-looking.

Oh, well,

That goes for the man
she employs as well.

Well, that man--

Stop!

You're making me sweaty.

Okay, okay.
Hold it. Hold it.

Hold it.
Upon entering

What is now officially
angela's new house,

It calls for
a momentous ceremony.

Oh, no, you're
not going to sing?

No, I'm not
going to sing,

But there is work
by the poet keats

That I find appropriate--

And it could--
oh, get out of here.

Maybe later?

No.

Oh, this is perfect.

I love the windows
and the light

And the flow.
Forget it, mother.

You're not going
to live here rent free.

What a dump.

Well, what do you
think, huh?

Well, it, uh...

Looks different.

That's because
I repainted

In a new
and exciting color--

Tuscany taupe.

What? What's the matter?

You don't like
tuscany taupe?

Well it's just--

It just wouldn't
have been my first choice,

But that's okay.

You probably wanted
to surprise me.

That's nice.

Uh, what are these
lamps doing here?

Oh, I pulled them
out of the garage.

What, are you
kidding me?

They're a perfect
counterpoint

To the room's
negative space continuum.

I saw that
in redbook.

Well, you know tony,
this is a big room.

They'll probably gonna want
track lighting.

Oh, oh, angela, oh...

Not track lighting,
please.

I mean,
that is so passe,

So neocontemporary.

redbook?

ladies' home journal.

You see--well, you know,
I guess I had one vision

For the house.

You evidently
had another.

Oh, okay, hey,
I'll lose the lamps.

No, no, no, no.
No, no.

You don't have
to lose the lamps.

It's just that
next time,

Maybe you could
consult me

Before making any decision
about the house.

Well, gee, boss,

Is that an order?

No, no.
It's a request...

Based on good taste.

[Knock on door]

Hello.

Tony: oh, hi.

Hi. How are you?
I'm russ johnson.

I'm here
to see the house.

Oh, hi russ, how are you?
I'm tony micelli.

This is angela bower,
the owner.

Nice to meet you.

Gee, this is
a great place.

Thank you. Thank you.

Uh, let me ask you--

Are there--uh, are there
many single women

In the neighborhood?

Oh, why do you ask, russ?

I like to party.

Boy, I hope
I can get my speakers

Through this door.

Bye, russ.

Thank you very much
for coming, really folks.

And listen,
check with me again

If you ever get out

Of the witness
protection program.

This is
so frustrating.

We see 12 people.
We get 12 losers.

I know, I know.
Maybe we should do

Is lower the rent to 1,250.

Then we'll get
a better response.

No! No, never, angela.

Never.
Hold your ground.

Keep a positive
attitude.

We'll have
this place rented

Before you leave
on business trip.

I leave
in one hour.

Well see angela,

Just when it
appears darkest,

That's when lady luck comes
and knocking at your door.

[Knock on door]

Hello.

Or her father,
old man luck. Come on.

Hi.

Don: hi, there.
Don lester.

Hi don, how are you?
I'm tony micelli.

This is angela bower,

The owner.
Hello, how are you?

Hello.
Would you come in?

Oh, what a wonderful,
wonderful room.

Okay, us, so, don,
why do you want to rent?

Well, now that
I'm retired,

I travel a lot.

So renting is ideal.

And, uh, besides,
this place is near

Where my barbershop
quartet practices.

Barbershop quartet?

I love
barbershop quartets.

Really?
I was in one myself.

There were five of us.

[Laughs]

Oh, you're very funny,
young man.

I like this guy.

So, um, how much
are you asking?

$1,500 A month,
two months in advance.

Aw, gee,
two months, huh?

It would be easier
for my bookkeeping

If I could pay you
six months in advance.

Oh, sure.

Well, sure.

It's a lot to ask, don.

But maybe we can work
something out, you know.

We have a few more
people to see.

But we'll be
deciding soon.

I understand.

Oh, gee, I do
love this house.

That is a great color.
Is that taupe?

No, it's tuscany taupe.

Oh, that's
a good choice.

There are
my references.

Stay by your phone.

Five guys
in a quartet.

That is rich.

Let's just adopt him, huh?
[Chuckles]

Tony, I think
we found our man.

Did I tell you, boss?

Yes, I'll see you
in a couple of days.

Okay, okay, hey, have a safe,
successful trip.

I will.
Thank you, tony.

Bye, bye.
Bye.

♪ hey, girls,
gather round ♪

♪ for what
I'm puttin' down ♪

♪ oh, baby,
I'm your handyman ♪

Oh, sh**t.
I'm too late, aren't i?

Just say
I'm too late.

And I'll turn around
and leave, okay?

No, no, no.
Please don't leave.

I'm tony.

Oh, you're the guy
I spoke to about the ad.

I'm michelle.

Oh, hi, hi, hi.
Hi.

Oh, wow.
Look at this place.

You know, I was supposed
to be here at 3:00.

But my audition ran late.

Audition?

You're an actress,
aren't you?

You know, you look
so familiar to me.

Really? Well,
I was in a rock video,

I played a mannequin

That's where
I've seen you, yes.

Oh, you were
very good, very good.

The way you
just stood there...

It's not shakespeare.

Hey, hey, as brilliant
as olivia was

I'd like to see him
not blink

For a full
of three minutes.

But now that he's dead,
he could probably do it, huh?

[Laughs]

So, uh, michelle,
why connecticut?

Well, I need to get away
from manhattan,

And away from andy,

My rotten ex-boyfriend.

He threw me out
when he found another girl.

Why that dirty andy,

Gee, I don't like andy.

You know him?

His type michelle,
I know his type.

So tony,
what are my chances?

Chances for what,
michelle?

The house, silly.

Oh, of course.
Yes, I know, the house.

Hey tony, I heard you
were over here

And I thought I'd...
Yeah.

Hi. I'm michelle.

You are that
and more.

I'm ernie.

Hi.

Uh, well, I'm just going
to look around.

Oh, she's gonna make
a great tenant.

Yeah, yeah, she will.

Ernie: you think she goes
for men in uniform?

Damn, I should
have worn those pants

That hug
my butt tighter.

Ernie, hold it.

Wait the minute,
wait the minute.

I can't give her
the house.

Angela and I just agreed,
sorta, to give this guy

That was just here
the house.

Dump him.

Dump him! Dump him!
Dump him! Dump him!

Tony: I can't. I can't.

Uh, michelle.

Look, about the house--

I'm sorry, but somebody
just beat you to it.

Oh.

Darn. Well,
it's my fault.

I was too late.

Need a hug?

Get out of here.

Uh, michelle, thanks a lot
for stopping in.

And good luck.

Thanks for being
so sweet.

Okay.
Ohh.

You need a hug?

Uh-huh.

Mr. Lester?

Don?

Yoo-hoo!

It's your
new landlady!

Mr. Lester?

Hi. I'm michelle.

Hi. I'm confused.

We have
a visitor.

Tony: tell them
the place is rented.

Tell him his boss
wants an explanation.

I'm in a lot
of trouble.

Have you two met?

I'm angela.

Boy, from the way
tony described you,

I was expecting
a much older woman.

And I was expecting
a much older man.

Well, I think I'll go
finish unpacking.

Well, what happened
to don lester?

Ohh...

Poor--

Oh, angela.

Dear, sweet,
naive angela.

You didn't go
for his song and dance?

Did you?

What song and dance
was that?

Angela, let's analyze
what he said.

He said
he travels, angela.

Who travels, angela?

Vagrants travel.

Convicted felons
travel.

Colombian cartel members,
they travel, angela.

The man sings
in a barbershop quartet.

Yes, but what tune
is he singing angela?

That's what I wanna know.
Boy, are you reaching.

Okay. Okay, maybe
I'm reaching a little.

Okay, but hey, I reached
out to help somebody.

I mean, look.
You know, when michelle
came for the house,

I told her no,
it was rented.

Then she had
to come back

Because her car
broke down,

And she
didn't complain.

Not once. Not once,
not one word.

This after a week
of losing her agent,

Her boyfriend,

And a national
ravioli commercial.

Okay, she's a trooper.

Yes,
she is, she is.

Do you know?

This girl put herself
through school.

Oh.
Yes

She has no family,
few friends,

And all she wants out of life
is a nice clean place to live.

Oh, and maybe another shot
at selling raviolis.

Hey, maybe you can
make a couple of calls.

Maybe--
tony...

All right, look, look,
all I know

Is had you been here,

You would've made
the same decision as me

Because you care as much
about people as I do.

Okay, okay.

She can stay,

And I'll see
what I can do

About the ravioli
commercial.

Well, gotta keep her
working after all

We want to keep getting
our 1,500 a month.

Uh...

See that's another thing.

You know, um,
you remember you said



And that 1,250
was a nice round number?

You gave it to her
for 1,250?

Well, she needed
the other 250

For tap lessons,
you know?

You gotta have that
in you resume, angela.

All right.
All right it's done.

Look, I know
that I sound

Like a broken record,

But please,
please don't make

Any decisions
concerning the house

Until you consult
with me first.

Okay, okay, boss.

I made a boo-boo.

Hey, it won't happen again.

From now on, any decision,
we make together.

Thank you.

Okay, no problem.

Michelle: oh, tony?

Yes.

Do you think that maybe
you can you help me

Put in the track
lights maybe?

Oh?

You're putting in
track lighting?

I love
track lighting.

Tony does, too.

He does?

What was the word
you used to describe it?

Theatrical.

Hmm.

Greetings
and salutations.

Hello.

I'm helping michelle
with her lines.

She's up for this part
in this tv movie,

She's really good.

Okay, listen to this.

I'm a cop,

Talking to a crowd
on a street, okay?

Come on people, a man
was k*lled in cold blood

Shot down
like a dog.

We need a witness
so we can put away

The creep who did it.

What about you?

Did you see anything?

Uh-uh.

That's it?

I believed you.

You're not just saying
that now, are you?

Uh-uh.

Come on over
to my house

And we'll rehearse some more.

Ohh, I love showbiz.

arrivederci.

Uh, hey angela. Angela.

Uh, you know
how you told me

You want me
to check with you

On anything concerning
michelle's house, right?

I like to think of it
as my house. But go on.

Well,
what would you think

If--uh, about me building

Some--uh, some bookshelves
for her living room?

I like to think
of it as my living room,

And I don't think
it's necessary.

Uh, what would you think
if I told you

I already bought the lumber,
the nail, and the brackets?

I'd say return them.

Uh, what would you think
if I told you

I already made it?

I'd say move them
over to my study.

Well I like to think
that michelle's study

Is your study.

We have got to talk
about michelle.

Uh...

Is there a problem?

Tony, look, it's just
it's getting out of hand.

I didn't sleep
a wink last night.

I heard
some guy yelling

Until 1:00
in the morning.

Was he screaming
"babette"

Over and over again?

No.

Oh. Then it wasn't
coming from my place.

Angela. Angela.

Michelle was
rehearsing a scene

With an actor friend.

Come on. Let's support
the arts here.

Whew, I can use
a tall, cold one.

What have you been doing?

Michelle's yard.

It needed some mowing,
some weeding.

I planted some squash.

Don't you see
that angela, you see?

The whole family's
pitching in

To make sure that
your investment goes great.

We're doing this for you.

Hey, speak for yourself.

I do it because michelle
makes me feel real loose

Like a long-necked goose.

Do you not see
that renting

To this woman
was a mistake?

She's always coming over
these little chores

For you to do.

Well, that's because,
she doesn't have any money

To hire someone,

Which is probably why
her rent check bounced.

Her--her rent check
bounced?

Well, yeah. I just found out
about it myself.

Hey, but don't worry
about a thing, huh?

As soon as that uh-uh gig
comes through,

She'll be rolling
in dough.

And she'll be
on easy street.

Well, it won't be
oak hills drive. She's out.

Oh. Is--is that
an order, boss?

Yes, it's an order.

Well, fine. Fine, fine.
She's out.

She's not a good tenant,
so she's gone.

I'll go move her
right now.

But let me say one thing
and here it is, angela,

There's something else
going on here.

Something
not very pretty.

Something
downright ugly.

Oh? And what is that?

The "j" word, angela.

Jaundice?

Juju beads?

The big "j."

Zsa zsa?

No, that's with a "z."

It's jealousy, mother.
You know, jealousy.

Oh, well, I would
never have gotten that.

And I am not jealous.

Sure, you are.

But there's nothing
wrong with that.

It's a human emotion.

Did you know 7 out of 10
domestic murders

Are caused by jealousy?

Thank you, mother, for that
barely relevant statistic.

Hey, I don't make
this stuff up.

I just report it.

Mother--
look,

Having the big "j"
is not a problem

Unless it makes you
do things you regret,

Like pulling rank
on your best friend.

Well, I was just
protecting my investment.

Fine, fine. But keep
one thing in mind.


Who are jealous

Of younger women

With shiny
brown hair

Are riding around
on bald tires.

I read that on
the side of a blimp,

So it may
not be accurate.

Thy will be done.

I told her to vacate
just like you said.

She's moving.
Good.

Thanks for
your efficiency.

Oh, hey, hey, just doing
my job, you know.

Hey, anybody else
you want me to evict?

Sam getting on your nerves?
She's out, too.

Mona: oh, now, that's it!

I'm sick of this.
Both of you, sit down.

Mona: sit.

I don't
want to sit.

Mona: well,
sit anyway.

Now, it's
pretty clear

What's going on
here. Hmm?

Tony is right.

You are not
just protecting
your interests.

You're upset
because of all the time

That he's spending
with dimple face.

Told you.

And angela is right.

So there.

You are letting michelle
get away with m*rder

Simply because she's
the best-looking



Since...well, since
I was 30 years old.

Mother, this isn't about you.

No.

It's about a couple
of children.

So, I want you
to stop bickering,

Swallow your pride,

And for pete's sake,

Let me see some
smiles here. Hmm?

Now shake hands.

Now kiss each other
full on the lips.

I took a shot.

Well, I guess
I was taken in a bit

By a pretty face.

Yeah, and I guess I was
a little bit jealous.

Really?
I hadn't noticed.

You know what
the worst part is?

I treated you
like an employee.

Tony, I gave you an order.

I don't remember
the last time I did that.

February 2, 1987.

It was--it was pouring,

And you ordered me
to go out

And unclog
the rain gutters.

Why did I have
to order you?

There's spiders
up there, angela.
You know that.

Well...

I guess
we're all through

That
boss-employee stuff.

Yeah. Hey...

What do you say
we do this right, huh?

What do you say we find
that perfect tenant?

You're on.
When do we start?

Tomorrow morning.

Well, only if that's
convenient for you.

Well no,
it's convenient for me,

If it's convenient
for you.

No, I really want it
to work for you.

No, no, no. Remember,
I'm working for you.

It's yours--
you're the boss.

You're the boss.

Hi. No hard feelings.

I really belong back
in new york anyway.

But I just have
one little question.

Do you think that maybe
I could stay on

Until I can find
another place?

Well I think
this a question

For the superintendent.
What do you say?

Well, of course I say
whatever you say.

Appreciated,
but I defer to you.

Partner's conference, okay?

Could you excuse us
a minute?

Angela, it could take
this woman,

I don't know,
weeks, months

To find an apartment
in new york city.

Then, well then tony,

It could take just
a couple of days.

You're right.
Wait, wait.

Okay michelle,
you can stay.

Come on in.

Oh!

Oh, it's good
to have you.

who's the boss will be back
in a moment. Stick around.

Oh, you two
are the sweetest things.

I could gobble you up...

Especially this boy.

Ah. Ah,
shucks, ma'am.

Well, I think I'll just go
and make dinner.

arrivederci.

addio.

Oh, thank you
so much, angela.

You are so--

Money? Why are you
giving me money?

Well, if you're going
to be looking

For an apartment
in the city,

Wouldn't it be better
if you stayed

In a hotel there?

Well, yeah, but I can't
take your money.

Oh, well, michelle.

Just think of it
as my contribution

To the arts. Bye.

Oh, angela, every time
I step on stage,

I will remember
this wonderful act

Of generosity.

arrivederci!

Okay, tony!

You can move those bookcases
into my study!

[Theme music playing]