06x14 - Tony Kills

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

♪ there's a time for
love and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road and
a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is
up to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

Bless me father,
for I have sinned.

It's been, uh...

Two years since
my last confession.

Two years?
Three years

Since my last confession.

What sins
have you committed?

Well, I hit my thumb
with a hammer,

And I took the lord's
name in vain.

I took a handful
of sweet rolls from a diner...

And I k*lled a man,

And I'm thinking
about k*lling another.

I think we're going
to be here for a while.

It all started a couple
of weeks ago, father,

I was--i was playing
in the finals

Of the tennis tournament
at the club

With our next door
neighbor fred.

You and you are about
to witness the unveiling

Of the latest
in tennis technology--

My brand-new ulysses iii.

[Unzipping]

I love that sound.

What do you think?
What do you think? Huh?

Huh? What do you think?
Oh, I think it's beautiful.

Yeah. Yeah, and it gives you


It cost me a bundle,
but I think it's worth it

'Cause I can't wait to see
the look on fred's face

When he sees it.

Why do you let
that creep get to you?

Because angela,
the operative word is creep.

He's a creep.

I mean, he's materialistic,
he's pushy,

And not for nothing.

But ever since his divorce,

He's been ogling every skirt
in this neighborhood,

Especially yours.

Tony, I have absolutely
no interest in fred,

But you just go right
on being jealous.

Oh, whoa, whoa, wait.

Hey, hey, yo, angela,

I'm not jealous,
angela,

It's just that, you know,
the way he rides by

In that italian racing bike
with them tight spandex pants,

Blatantly up-shifting
when he sees you.
It just gets my goat.

Aw, forget
that guy.

He's all pedal
and no push.

[Knocking on door]

Hey, ready to hit
the court, sport?

Hi there, fred,
what are you doing here?

Well, I figured we'd carpool
to the tourney.

Weatherman
predicts sprinkles,

And I don't want to
water-spot the old beemer.

Oh, yeah. Yeah,
you wouldn't want that



[Laughing]



Well, middle class
has to drive something.

Oh, mona, you're a feast
for the eyes.

Fred, don't even bother
reading the menu.

Angela, you look
really hot.

Thank you, fred.

Ahem.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,
new racket, huh?

That's right, fred,
a brand-new ulysses iii.

Check this out.

Ulysses iv?

Yeah.

It won't even be available
in the states 'til next year.

My accountant
got it for me in japan.

H&r block
sent me a calendar.

I'll get my keys.

I saw you playing doubles
at the club.

You did?

Well, I'm not
very good.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I noticed
your grip was wrong.

Let me give you a few tips.
Now, see...

Here's what you do.
Come on.

All right, you hold the racket
like you're shaking hands.

Good. Now, keep your eye
on the ball.

Very good.
Now stroke... Stroke.

No, fred.

No stroke.
Bad neighbor.

Bad, bad,
bad neighbor, fred.

I was just showing her
my technique.

Yeah, yeah, I saw.
I saw.

Come on, huh,
let's play tennis, huh, fred?

I'm am going
to m*rder this guy.

Ah!

So, who won
the tournament?

I k*lled him.

Sam: that's great!

Good for you.

You don't understand.

I really k*lled him.

Hey, way to knock him
dead, tony.

Uh, no...

Hey, yo, angela,
dad k*lled fred!

No, no, you don't--
you don't understand.

He's dead.

Fred is dead.

He died
on the tennis court.

Oh, no.

Hi, hi,
tennis guy.

So you m*rder*d
him, huh?

Angela, this is
not the time.

Why not?

Because he's dead.

Fred is dead?

That's what I said.

It was in the second game
of the third set.

I served, and fred
went to return it,

And he just-- he just dropped.

You know,
I yelled for a doctor.

And eight or nine guys ran
over from the putting green.
But...

It was too late.

Oh, tony.

They said
it was his heart.

I--i feel terrible.

I can't--i can't
believe he's gone.

This is crazy.
I mean, he was--

He was one of the best
tennis players at the club,

And now he's gone.

Well, that's life.

I mean, one day
you're top seed,

The next,
you're landfill.

Tony--

You're gonna be late,
you have an 8:40 class,

Late, angela?
What is late?

Well, anything after 8:40.

Forty, fifty, what difference
does it make angela?

I'm--i'm not going.

Oh dad, are you okay?

You've never missed
school before.

School.
What is school?

I mean, is it really
that important?

I've often wondered that.

For you,
it's important. Go.

Tony, I think, maybe
you oughta go to school, too,

Help take your mind
off things.

What difference
does it make, angela,

When a man goes out
to play an innocent game

And finds himself
snuffed out like a match.

I mean, what kind of a cruel,
lawless universe.

What kind of a dark,
cold, unfeeling infinity.

Could you pass
the cocoa puffs?

What is a cocoa puff?

I mean puff.

Puff, huh, life.
Life goes puff.

Tony...

Angela, I think
I really did k*ll fred.

What do you mean?

When I saw him make that pass
at you, I got mad.

I got real mad,

So gave him
my k*ller serve,

And then my k*ller return,
and then my k*ller lob,

And it k*lled him.

I am pure evil.

No, you are not.

Yes. Yes, I am.
Angela, don't you see?

This was a crime
of passion.

I k*lled for a woman.

Oh, tony,
that is so sweet.

That is not sweet, angela.
A man died.

Of course.
Sweet is wrong.

Oh, I'm a terrible
person.

No, you're not. Tony,
you've got to stop

Blaming yourself.

Don't you understand
that this decision

Was made
by a higher order?

You are not
an evil person.

Don't be so sure,
angela.

That's the thing
about evil,

It hides behind a quick wit
and a charming smile.

Um...tony, maybe
what we should do

Is just put
the trophy away.

It's just--it's just
a constant reminder

Of the tragedy.

It's okay.
[Doorbell rings]

All right, all right.
Maybe you're right, angela,

But, you know,
I can't help it.

I still see
that look on fred's face.

Hi.

That's the look.

Tony, what's wrong?
Who's at the door?

Aah!

You see him, too?

I, uh, I think
I should explain.

I'm ed hartwell.
I'm fred's brother.

h*...
Holy mother of--

His... Brother.

You must be
twins.

Good eye, angela.

I hope I didn't
startle you.

Oh, not at all.

No. No problem.
Come in. Come in.

Thank you.

Oh, hey, ed,
I'm tony micelli.

I am so sorry
about your brother.

Oh, thank you, I mean,
you're never really prepared

For something
like this.

Yes, and I'm angela bower.

Hello.
I'm very sorry, too.

Whoa.
Oh, man.

Boy you and fred really did
look alike, didn't you, huh?

I mean, it's incredible.
It's uncanny.

It's like--it's like
he's standing right here

Looking right at me,

Right into the very
depths of my soul

Saying, "why? Why?"

Fred's sudden death was
very difficult for tony.

Oh, well,
for me, too,

Especially since
I haven't spoken to fred

For three years,

Not since he had
that affair with my wife.

Oh, dear.

She claimed
she thought it was me,

But hey, we're not
that identical.

So, um,
you in town long?

Have a seat.

Well, just a couple
of weeks

To get fred's
affairs in order.

But, the reason
I'm here now

Is because I heard
you were the last person

To see fred alive
and I'd like to know

His last words?

Oh, well, I don't think so.

I thought I might use it
for the eulogy.

Well, it had something
to do with my racket

And where
I should store it.

That won't work
graveside.

But...

That was fred, all right.

God bless him.
[Sobbing]

Hey, hey, you know,
I got something better

Than last words.

You know, your brother
won this five times.

And maybe it should stay
in the family.

Please, take this.
Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no. A hartwell
never takes a trophy

Unless he's won it
fair and square.

But, um, hey,
I'll play you for it.

Play? Play tennis?
No, no.

No. I've given up
the game,

But hey, if there's
anything I can do for you,

Anything,
you just ask. Yeah?

Well, thank you. That's
very nice of you to offer.

Well, actually, you know,
there is one thing.

Can you recommend a good
health food restaurant?

You see, doc wants me

To watch
my cholesterol.

Doc?

Well, you got to
listen to doc.

I mean, fred
didn't listen to doc.

You know what I mean. Hey look,
let me do something for you.

Let me make you
a breakfast.

I make a--oh, I make
a great no-fat, no-sodium,

No-egg omelet,
right, angela?

Is that what
that was?

Gee, you people
are being so nice.

Well... Thank you.

Oh, by the way, where's
the nearest car wash?

I drove down from
maine last night,

And my car's
all, um...icky.

While you're eating,
I'll wash your car.

Ed: no.
No, no, really.

You've been
through a lot.

It's the least I can do,
okay?

Well, much appreciated.

Um...

Oh.

Just, uh, watch
the water spots.

You got it, fred.
I mean ed. Fred.

Ed.

Ed? Fred.

Oh, hi, tony.

Hi, ed.
How's it going?

Oh, terrific.

You know, in two weeks,
I have beaten

Every hotshot
at the club,

Oh, except for
this hotshot.

Come on, come on.
I'll go easy on you.

No, no, ed,
no tenny for tony,

But I'm just--i'm just glad
that you're doing okay.

Yeah, I'm doing fine,

But I'm afraid
your racket isn't.

Uh, I broke it.

Well, hey,
what's the difference?

As long as--

You broke my racket?

It was supposed
to be unbreakable.

My beautiful racket.

Ulysses.

How did this happen?

Darn thing
just went... Pop.

Pop?
It just went pop?

Yeah, well, it must
have been when I got mad

And I threw it
at the wall.

What?
Well...

Nothing
lasts forever.

You know,
that's what--

[Choked] that's what fred
used to say.

Bless him.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Bless him.

Come on. Let me
pay you for this.

No, no, no. That's all right.
That's all right.

I was thinking about
taking up racquetball anyway.

You really are
a good sport.

Yeah, thanks.

By the way, you finished
hemming my pants?

Yes. Yes. Here they are.

Cuffs.

Oh, no, not cuffs.

What's wrong
with cuffs?

Oh, nothing.
It's--it's just my fault.

I should have
said something.

It's just that fred
used to wear cuffs.

I--i'll lose
the cuffs.

Thanks, tony.
Yeah.

Boy, this is
really beginning

To feel like family.

I know what you mean.

When's dinner?

I'll start on it
after I finish the cuffs.

No problem.

I'll just--i'll just catch
some news on the tube.

Oh. Something
to tide me over.

Ooh. Running a little low
on the crackers.

Tone,
I need this ironed.

Use low heat.

My spaghetti straps
tend to melt.

Yeah, so I heard.

I'm sorry, mona,
it's gonna have to wait

Because I got to finish
hemming these pants.

Oh, let me guess.
For ed?

The moocher
in mourning?

Mona, what do you think?

You think I'm enjoying
myself here?

What choice do I have?

God has given me
a second chance.

I mean, first,
I k*lled a man.

And then, his womb mate
shows up at my doorstep.

I mean, it's like a--

It's like a cosmic
makeup test.

Ah, this is not
a cosmic makeup test.

This is a jerk test
and you are the jerk.

Mona, when you k*ll someone,

I'm just not gonna be
there for you.

All the power's
in the wrist.

Now, come on,
come on, come on.

It's all right.

I'm not really
an avid player.

That's because you don't know
how to play it properly,

But a beautiful woman
like you on the court,

You're going to
dazzle your opponents.

Now, come on, let me
show you, and stroke...

Stroke.
Aah!

That's it! That's it!

You know what this means,
don't you ed?

Out! Let's go.
You're out of here.

But tony, what's wrong?

Buddy, I'm just teaching her
how to play tennis.

If anybody's gonna teach her
how to play tennis,

I'm gonna be the one to teach
her how to play tennis.

Oh, no, tony. Really,
that's all right.

I thought
you gave up the game.

Well, I changed my mind.

And let me
tell you something.

I could teach her a few
things about tennis.

And I could teach you
a few things about tennis.

Well, are you
challenging me?

Yes. Yes, I'm
challenging you.

Tomorrow--
court 3 at 2:00.

You're on!
And you're dead!

So, you see father,
that's when I realized

It was happening again.
I'm doing it again.

I mean, not only am I guilty
about fred dying,

But now I'm guilty
about challenging his brother

To a game of tennis.

I mean, I want
to k*ll him, too.

Father?

For your penance
say 10 hail marys,

And I will absolve
you of your sins.

Oh, good.
Perhaps you'd like to see me

In my office, tony.

Oh, great.

Just like the time
I got caught staring

At tracy robinson's
patent leather shoes.

Sit.

Boy, this place
hasn't changed much

In 20 years, father.

Ooh, new crucifix.
That's nice.

And you know,
I really like what you've done

With your hair, father.
Very striking, really.

You were always good
at stalling, tony.

Oh, well,
thanks, father. Thanks.

Hey, hey, how about
that pope, huh?

Oh, what a--he...

Tony, in
the confessional,

I'm under certain
restrictions.

And, here
we can talk openly.

This woman, angela,

The one you want
to k*ll again for,

What's your relationship
with her?

Well, I've been
living with her

For about five years
now, father.

I see.

Oh, but wait a minute, father.
You don't understand.

I have never
touched her.

No wonder
you want to k*ll.

But you see, father,
I do have feelings for her,

You know, enough
that I get jealous

If another guy
makes a pass at her.

That's what got me
in this jam in the first place.

I see.

Tony, did you really
want fred to die?

No.

Do you wish
his brother any harm?

Well, not
consciously, father,

But who knows what evil
lurks in my heart?

Tony, you're not a k*ller.

What happened
on that tennis court

Wasn't between
you and fred,

It was between
fred and god.

Gee, you know,
that's what angela said.

Smart woman. I wouldn't
let her get away.

She catholic?
No.

Well,
nobody's perfect.

Well, then, father,

Why--why do I
feel so guilty?

As a priest, I don't
often have occasion

To give this advice,
but...

Lighten up!

Trust me.
You're a good person.

You care for others.

Stop analyzing
and embrace life again.

Embrace the warmth,

The beauty,

The elation,

And embrace
your faith.

That's what
he's here for.

Father, you think

He wants me to play
tennis with ed?

I don't know
what he thinks,

But for me, I'd play.

I'd play knowing
I was not gonna k*ll anyone.

It might help me
get rid of my guilt.

Oh.

Father...

Once again, thank you.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you, father.

I just hope
you stop worrying

About k*lling people.

It's silly to think

That you could
cause someone to--

Oh, no!

Father!

Father, please,
not again!

Lighten up!

Shouldn't tony be back
from the big match by now?

Maybe they're playing
to sudden death.

Some people
joke about death

Because they're afraid
of the unknown,

While others
joke about death

Because
they are adolescent
and insensitive.

I am so ashamed
I could die.

Oh, how'd the big
match with ed go?

I m*rder*d him.

[Gasps]
what?



Oh, I scared you.

You should have seen the looks
on your two faces, huh.

♪ doo doo doo doo
dee dee dee ♪

Tony.
Yeah?

People joke
about death...

If they are afraid
of the unknown,

Or else they're
insensitive adolescents.

Lighten up. You're starting
to sound like angela.

[Doorbell rings]

I got it.
I got it.

Oh, ed, what are
you doing here?

I just came to ask you
one thing.

No. No, ed.
No more favors,

No more cooking,
no more guilt.

Um, I just want
my pants back.

Oh.

Here you go, ed.
I'm sorry.

I only had time
to do one cuff.

That's okay, tony.
I'll have them done

When I get back home.

Oh, you leaving?

Yeah, in the morning.

My brother's affairs
are finally in order.

Look, I want to thank you
people for your hospitality.

Because I couldn't
have gotten

Through these past
few weeks without you.

Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no.

We're not going to fall
for that again, bub.

What do you
want from him?

I just want you all

To have happy
and healthy

And long lives.

Very clever, sir,
but we're not that dumb.

We think tony's done
quite enough for you.

You're not kidding.
I think--

I think I really took
a little advantage.

Tony.

Thank you.

Hey, hey,
wait a--wait a minute.

Why don't you have
dinner with us.

What? You're letting
him do it to you again.

No, no, no. I'm not, mona.
No, I'm not.

I think ed really means
what he says,

And besides, mona,
I want to do this.

You know, we never--we never
had the chance to honor

Fred's memory.

What do you say?

I'd really like that.

Come on, huh?
We'll eat, we'll drink,

And we'll pay
our respects to fred.

You know, we'll think about
all the wonderful things

About fred
we can remember, huh?

Well, we'll think
of something.

Tony: who's the boss?
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

Angela.
Oh, please, angela.

Let me show you
how to do this, please.

Look, look.

Hold the racket
like that, see?

And then stroke...

Stroke...

Stroke...

And stroke.
Good housekeeper.

Good, good,
good housekeeper.

[Theme music playing]