06x09 - Sex, Lies and Exercise Tape

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

Singer: ♪ there's a time for
love and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road and
a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is
up to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long,
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

Hi, there.
Hi, guys.

Hey, ernie,
what do you say?

How's the water biz?

Oh, hot news.

They're working on a dispenser
that don't gurgle.

Oh, gurgle-free water.

It's a great big
beautiful tomorrow.

Ain't it?

Ernie was just about to dish
some dirt about the wilsons.

Oh, yeah, I heard,
I heard.

Fred's getting
a hair transplant.

That's last week's news.

No. No, it's not.
No, it's not.

In fact, they put the first
plug in today.

Oh, gross.

You know, you ain't
heard nothing.

Mrs. [Indistinct] maid
told me that frieda wilson

Did not lose all that
weight on her own.

No, sir,
it was liposuction.

Oh, man.

Ew, liposuction?
What's that?

Oh, that got you?

It's where they take
a vacuum cleaner

And they stick it right
into your unsightly blubber,

And then they suck it out.

[Makes sucking sounds]

Gross, gross.
I'm out of here.

[Sucking sounds]

Stop!

Hang on to your
bvds, boys.

Here comes little
mary sunshine.

Huh? Little
mary sunshine?

Life stinks.
What a crummy day.

Sounds like mary
stepped in a cow patty.

Stan showed me
the wrong proofs,

Neil in accounting told me
he lost the w-2s,

And jeff looked
better today than I did.

Oh. Men!

If one more thing goes wrong,
I am going to lose it.

Ernie, did you bring me
the new water stand

I asked for last week?

Oh, no.

Tony: oh, don't say
"oh, no," ernie.

You gotta have one
in the truck.

God, I hope so.
Come on, buddy.

Angela: if not, I'm calling
another company.

Angela, hey, hey.
Lighten up here.

It's not like you
to be so tense.

I know a sure-fire
release,

But she's probably
too uptight to enjoy it.

You know, angela,
not for nothing,

But you have been stressed out
this last couple weeks.

You know what you need?

You need to get your body
moving, you know.

To get your blood pumping,
so that sweat pours out of you,

Out of your skin.

That's what
I'm talking about.

I mean, a health club.

Health clubs?
Oh, I don't know.

You know what they remind me of?
High school gym.

All those girls checking
each other out,

Wondering who
stuffed tissue where.

When she got a cold,

She was always
well stocked.

I'm sorry. I don't have
that water stand.

Please, don't yell at me.

Oh, don't worry, ernie.
I'll protect you.

Ernie: but for what
it's worth,

I got a tip
on a good health club.

I couldn't help
but overhear.

Some of the ladies
on my route go there.

It's called
women, just women.

Hey, hey look at that--
you qualify.

[Both laugh]

So angela,
you have any questions

About women, just women?

Uh, just one, vickie.

How come there aren't
women, just women here?

Oh, that?

Well, we had a man
take us to court

For not letting
guys in.

And he won.

I see. So now
it's women and men,

Just women and men.

Yeah. But that's where
we draw the line.

Come on. Let's
get you on a bike.

Okay.

Now, level 10
is the most difficult.

You in pretty good shape?

Well, yeah,
if I do say so myself.

I, uh, eat
the right foods,

I take the stairs
at work--

Let's try 10.

Okay.

Let's try one.

Good idea.

Ahh.

Yeah. Go to it, girl.

Oh, I hate this thing.

Does my tush
look any better?

Better
than what?

Oh, deb, you're gorgeous,
you have a beautiful family,

A great house,
a maid--i hate you.

Carol: yeah. Come to think
of it, I hate you, too.

Oh.

I hate you, too.

Uh, i-i-i don't hate you.

I don't know you.

I'm angela.

Hi.
Hi.

Hey. Hey, angela,
come on over, join the party.

Me?

No, the other angela.

Oh.

Carol: hi, I'm carol.
Angela: hi.

This is deb and patti.

Angela: hi.
Hi.

So, how did you
enjoy your workout?

Oh, it was great.

All: liar.

Oh, yeah. The bike
was very invigorating,

And the weight
machines were...

m*rder, t*rture, death.
I hated the bike, too.

See you ladies
tomorrow.

Oh, angela, meet
my baby brother chuck.

Angela: oh. Hi.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I saw you earlier.

You were over there
the rowing machine.

Yeah.

What was that
that you were singing?

♪ row, row,
row your boat. ♪

Made the time
go faster.

Uh, I've got to run.

Nice meeting you.

You, too.

I think
he likes you.

Patti: ooh, if I wasn't married

I would be on chuck so fast.

Oh, same here.

What about you,
angela,

Married?

Divorced.

Playing the field?

Well, it's more like I'm
watching from the dugout.

Carol: oh, boy, we've got
a live one here, girls.

You know
what they say--

The ones who brag
about it the least

Are getting
the most action.

Ooh.
Whoa.

She's right over there.

Oh, thank you.
I see her.

Thank you very much.
Uh, it's vickie.

And the pleasure
was mine.

Gee, now I'm
working up a sweat.

Hello. I'll be brief.
You forgot your case.

Oh, thank god.

I would've gotten all the way
to manhattan without realizing.

Okay.

Oh, tony, these are...
The girls.

Hi, ladies.

Hi.
Hi.

Hey, so we're still on
for that movie tonight?

You bet.
Okay.

Hey, meet me
in the balcony,

And bring your
flashlight, 'cause...

It gets dark
up there.

[All laughing]

Okay, nice
meeting you.

Oh, tony, thanks.
Tony: okay.

Uh-huh.
Ooh.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
He is my housekeeper.

Ooh, too bad
he's not a live-in.

Oh, my god,
he is!

No, no, no, no, wait.
You don't understand.

There was some heavy-duty
chemistry going on there.

Well...
Carol: oh, why deny it?

You've got yourself
a gorgeous guy.

Let's just say
the truth is...

The truth is...

You guys
are very perceptive.

Ow!

One new water stand,
just like mrs. Bower ordered.

Oh, terrific, ernie.
Thanks a lot.

I appreciate it.

So, hey tell me,
what's happening

On the gossip circuit, huh?

What's happening?

Oh, boy.

Nothing.

What do you
mean, nothing?

I mean, you chuckled,
you smirked, you "oh, boyed."

Come on, it don't sound like
nothing. Sit down here.

Okay. Well,
I'll give you a hint.

It's about
a certain mrs. B.

Mrs. Bennington
on oak drive.

B-o--

Gladys bennington's
got b.o.?

I can't believe it.

I mean, she's always--
she looks so clean.

I'm talking about
mrs. Bower.

Angela?
What about her?

Never mind.
What do you mean never mind?

Hey, you don't lead
a horse to water

And then not let him drink.

You, a water man,
should know that.

You're right.

Angela told carol
at the health club

That she's
having an affair

With someone
she works with.

Get out of here.
No way. Impossible.

Who's the guy?

I was in a rush.
That's all I heard.

Well, you eavesdropped
on half a conversation?

You're a disgrace
to your uniform.

Hi, hi.

Hi, mrs. B.

Um, what you've been
up to?

Ernie, it's a thirsty world
out there.

Quench it.

Oh, my new water stand.

The perfect topper
on a perfect week.

Oh, yeah?
So, uh, perfect topper, huh?

What exactly
is the topper toppy?

Oh, it's just
a great week.

Stan showed me
the new proofs

And we had a very productive
get-together.

Oh, stan?

And jeff told me today
that he clinched

The carmichael account.

Ah, jeff?
Yeah.

He's a real p*stol.

Oh.

Oh, p*stol, huh?

Yeah. Oh, and tony,

Thanks for getting me
to join that gym.

Before, I used to shuffle
my feet.

And now, I feel like
I have enough energy

To throw myself on top
of everything in my path.

Hi there.
What's new?

Hmm. What's new?
You wanna know what's new?

I'll tell you what's new.

Your daughter is having
a surreptitious affair.

With a man?

Of course with a man.

From this galaxy?

Oh, yes.

From the bower agency.

Now, come on,
you know these guys.

You'll help me.
Which one is it?

It's either stan,
neil or jeff.

It can't be stan.
Why not?

He likes redheads.

Trust me.

And, uh,
zero for neil.

Well then, it's jeff?
No.

Well, why not?
He likes redheads too?

No. He likes neil.

Angela...

Tony...

Stan or neil?

How about
if I just sit?

With whom are you
having an affair?

An affair!

Where did you
get that idea from?

Well, I have my sources
but they must remain sacred.

In that case,
we're done talking.

It was ernie!

I'm having an affair
with ernie?

No, not with ernie.

But he said that you
confided in some woman

At that health club.
I don't know.

A carol something?

Oh, boy.

All right, angela.
Look, come on.

Tell me who it is.

I got to know.

Who are you having
an affair with?

You.

Gee...

The guy is always
the last to know.

Hey, angela,
not for nothing.

I know I've been
a little busy lately, but...

You know, for me to forget
I'm having an affair--

It's so unlike me,
you know.

I'm sorry, tony. It
was a stupid rumor

Started by a childish,
unthinking person.

Mona?

No.

Me.

Why would you tell people
we're having an affair?

I didn't tell them.

I just let the girls
kind of think it.

Oh, angela.

Tony, we were just all
talking about men.

And you're the closest
thing to a man I've got.

Gee, thanks.

And then you stopped by

And they all thought you
were so cute...

Well, that is no excuse--

Really?
They thought I was...

Well, that's still
no excuse, angela.

I can't believe
you did that.

I mean, it's so--
it's immature.

I know, I know.

It was just my first
day at the health club

And I was feeling
very uncomfortable,

Especially when I stood
at the juice bar

Looking for
a place to sit.

i was suddenly
back in high school.

i was gawky little
angela robinson.

holding a tray
loaded with meatloaf,

potatoes,
chocolate milk,

three puddings.

and there was
the [indistinct]

the cool girls.

laughing.

joking.

oh, how I wished they'd
ask me to join them.

please, god,
just once?

but it
never happened.

i always ate alone.

Three puddings?

I was trying
to cut down.

Don't you see,
tony?

This time I was accepted.
And it felt good.

Come on, angela, huh?

I'm really sorry
that your high school years

Were so traumatic,

But you're not


You don't have to give in
to these insecurities.

Angela, I'm a little
surprised at you.

I know, I know,
I know.

Tony, could we
just forget

That this
ever happened?

No, it's not
that easy, angela.

The rumor's
already out there.

You got to set
them women straight.

Think of the scandal.

Hey, hey, think about this.
Think about this.

What if this rumor
got back to the kids?

Ooh, what rumor?

You see? You see how fast
it spreads?

How what spreads?

It'll be in sri lanka
before you know it.

What will?

So angela, how are you
and the happy homemaker

Making out?

Oh, probably as often
as they can.

Well, to tell you
the truth...

We're not
seeing each other.

Oh.

Nothing bad
happened.

We're just
not a couple.

That's all.
Good attitude, sister.

You got your fill
of tony's jollies

And you're back out
on the market.

No.

What I'm trying
to say is that...

Tony and I don't
have anything going.

In fact, I haven't had
anything going

With anyone in ages.

But your skin
looks so good.

Look, let me
just say that...

Tony and i...

There's nothing
going on between us.

So, you're saying
that you're a free woman.

Angela: absolutely.

Which means you could go out
with somebody like, say...

Carol's brother chuck?

Oh, sure.

Good, because he asked

About going out with you
saturday night.

I'll set it up.

Hey, chuck!

No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.

I meant someone
like chuck.

Deb: oh, then it's perfect.

Chuck's more like himself
than anybody else

I've ever known.

No, no, no. You don't
understand. I can't.

Oh, sure you can.

What do you got to lose?

Come on, have some fun.
What's stopping you?

Oh.

Maybe there is
something going on

Between you and tony.

Hi.

Hi...

Chuck.

Oh, hi, angela.

So, how did it go
with the girls

At the health club?
Fine. Great.

I let them know
there was absolutely

Nothing going on between us.

Ah, way to go, angela.
That's terrific.

So, you want to go out
saturday night?

A friend of mine gave
me a couple
tickets to the philharmonic.

And they're doing
beethoven's fifth,

So I thought I'd--

♪ take you along ♪

♪ take you along ♪

♪ take you along, take you
along, take you along ♪

Tony, that sounds
very nice,

But I can't go.

I have a date.

A date?

It's really no big deal.

It's just somebody I met
at the club.

I really don't even
know him.

I think his
name is...chuck.

Chuck?

Chuck?

So what is
"chuck" like?

Uh, well, he seems
very nice.

Uh, maybe a bit
of a dumb jock.

Very little personality.

Uh-huh?
Good-looking?

Angela: uh, I barely remember
what he looks like.

Okay. Great, great.
Let me get this straight--

You hardly know him,

You can't remember
what he looks like,

He's dumb and he has
no personality at all.

Sounds like
a love connection to me.

Tony,
I'm really sorry.

I wish I could
cancel this date

And go to the concert--
no, no, no, no, no.

Please. No, no, no.
I wanna go to the concert alone.

I wanna go alone.

You know,
beethoven was a loner.

I'll probably understand
the music better, you know.

Now if you don't mind,

If you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go back to cleaning...

Alone.

♪ chuck chuck
chuck chuck ♪

Look.
Frankenstein shoes.

[Both laughing]

Is something wrong?

Kind of.

Tony asked me out

For the same night
as chuck,

And I'm confused.

Confused?

Two men
asking a woman out

Is 'cause
to celebrate.

For you, it's 'cause

To issue a
commemorative stamp.

I think
I hurt tony's feelings.

So, just break your date
and go out with dad.

Or go out with both.

You may explode,
but life's a risk.

No, I can't cancel.

I just could never face
those girls again.

What girls?
The girls who let me sit

With them at the juice bar

They pressured me
into the date.

And I can't tell tony that

Because he already
yelled at me once

For acting like
an adolescent.

I just keep letting those girls
intimidate me

Just like the cool group
did in high school.

This is serious.

She's having one
of her geek flashbacks.

Look, angela,

I've hung out
with the cool kids,

And
I've got to say

That they don't see
nerds as nerdy

As nerds
see themselves.

So, you shouldn't let
those girls intimidate you.

Ha! We nerds
are puppets to you.

You run us
and the school.

We're just minding
our own business.

But did you ask me
to have lunch with you once?

Just once?

Is it me, or is this
a weird conversation?

Look, if you would've sat
next to me during lunch,

I would not run away.

I'd sit and talk to you.

Really?

Angela, cool kids
have feelings, too.

It's not me.
It's weird.

Wow.

If only I'd known.

Guess I should have
been more assertive back then.

Sounds like you should be
more assertive right now.

Kind of makes a geek
stop and think, huh?

Hello, angela.

You, uh...
Look very nice.

Thank you. So do you.

Oh. This old thing?

So, uh...

What time is what's-his-name
picking you up?

Chuck.

He's not.

I didn't really want
to go on the date,

But the girls at the club
kind of pressured me into it.

Oh, I see.

So I canceled.

And I don't care
what they think.

Oh, terrific, angela.
That's terrific.

Yeah. So now it's just
the three of us,

You, me, and ludwig.

Well, not exactly.

Not ludwig?

Not you.

I, uh...
I have a date.

Excuse me?

Well, I really didn't
want a date,

But when I found out
you had one,

I had one too.

Gee, now I feel like
I'm back in high school.

Do you believe us?

We both allowed our adolescent
emotions to run our lives.

Yeah. Wow.
What a couple of boneheads.

Well...

I'm sorry I acted
like a kid.

I'm sorry I acted
like a kid.

Hey, I'll tell you what.

We'll think of today
as the first day

Of the rest
of our adulthood.

Right. All right.
That'll be great.

So, maybe you could
cancel your date,

And then we could
put all this behind us.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. You know what?
I feel better already.

Yeah. Me too.
[Doorbell rings]

Okay. I'm so happy.

Adulthood.

Hi.

What's one more day?

I mean, I'll put it all
behind me tomorrow, okay?

The adult--oh, baby.

Tony: who's the boss
will be back in a moment.

stick around.

no matter what grade
I was in,

there was always
this one special guy--

my dreamboat.

Good gosharooni.
They're out of pudding.

Here.

You can have
one of mine.

Gee.

Golly gee. Thanks.

You know what?

I think you're keen.

[Theme music playing]