05x13 - Cardinal Sin

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

♪ there's a time for
love and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road
and a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is
up to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

[Upbeat music playing]

Oh! Oh, angela.

Oh, isn't
this great, huh?

Really.

I'm an old timer.

I'm going home.

Oh, no, you're not.

You invited me to st. Louis
to see you play ball.

And that's exactly
what I intend to do.

Ah, my biggest fan.

You bet I am.

I am looking forward
to catching
your every hit,

Every slide,
every...

[Spits]

Hey, hey!

I don't spit.

Hey, look, look.
It's lou brock.

Really?
Who's that?

One of the greatest
base stealers

In the history of baseball.

Come on, I'll introduce you.

We were like this.
Come on, hey, lou!

Yo, lou!

Lou! Pal o' mine!

Well, you know
what they say

The eyes are
the first thing to go.

You should know,
old timer.

Why don't you
register us,

And I'll go call home
and tell them

That we arrived,
safe and sound.

Good idea.
Good idea.

Angela bower and
tony micelli, please.

Thank you.

[Loud music plays]
[telephone rings]

[Telephone rings]

Hello.

Jonathan, I can
barely hear you

The music's so loud!

Well, you know
how wild she gets

When you guys
are away.

Grandma,
turn it down!

I never have any fun.

Hey, it's mom.

Oh. Hi, dear.

Hey, angela.
What's up?

Oh, the plane flight
was great,

And the hotel is gorgeous.

Oh, and guess what?

I saw baseball great
lou block.

So maybe if you're
really lucky

You'll run
into ricky mantle.

Could I please speak
to sam alone?

Oh, yeah, sure, dear.
Go ahead.

Sam, don't let her keep playing
the music so loud like that

You'll never get
your studying done
for finals on monday.

Be firm. Remember,
you're in charge.

Gotcha.

Tell dad to hit one
into the bleachers
for me.

Gotcha. I'll talk to
you later bye.

Bye.

Mona, you heard
what angela said.

Here's 20 bucks.

Go away.

You got it.
I'll be at the library.

Grandma,
you're incorrigible.

Here's
another 10.

Take the boy
with you.

Hey,
you look great!

Hey,
you look great!

Hey, we're all
still full of it!

Oh, man.

Hey, hey, hey.
Mike, davey, tony.

Hey...
Hey...

Butthead!
Butthead!

Uh-oh, here
comes b*ner.

Oh, boy.

Hey tony, look
who's coming over to say hi.

Your old bunk mate.

Oh, stevie g., Huh?

Guess again.

Betty.

Hi, batman.

Ohh.
Ohh.

I knew if I came
to enough of these things,

You'd show up
sooner or later.

Yeah, well, uh...i'm here.

Well,
you look great.

Yeah, you
look great, too.

So, you're still
following the cards, huh?

From town to town.

Each time they score,
I'm there.

I think betty and the batman
want to be alone.

No, no.
Guys, stay.

No, no, why, we've got plenty
of old times to catch up on.

Remember...

Betty, betty, betty,
don't do that.

Betty, betty, betty.
Please, betty.

Betty, let's just talk
like people,
you know...

How's your mother?
Dead.

Make me feel better.

Betty...betty,
betty, betty.

Betty, be--
oh...betty.

Betty, wait.
You don't understand.

I'm not here
by myself.

Oh, who do you
bring a date?

Well, not exactly.

What, what,
your girlfriend?

Actually, I'm here
with my--

Tony, I just spoke
to mother

And she and the kids
are doing fine.

Your wife?

My wife?

Holy matrimony, batman.

Batman?

Uh...

Yeah, angela.
Angela my wife.

Yes, angela,

Angela, I want you
to meet betty randall.

This is angela micelli.
My wife.

Did I mention
she's my wife?

Repeatedly.

Hey, honey.
Meet tony's wife.

Oh...

Oh, well, hi.

Hi, nice
to meet you.

Well, how long have
you two been married?

Oh, well, actually,
we're newlyweds.

You wouldn't believe
how newly.

Ahem.

Oh, yeah, butthead,
davey, mike, pam,

This is my blushing
bride angela.

Well, look,
I'm sorry.

I didn't know
he was spoken for.

Well,
congratulations.

You got yourself
some guy here,

But I don't have
to tell you that.

Ooh.

Yeah, you, uh...

Didn't do so bad
yourself there tony

Yeah, well...

My wife.

I think
I'll keep her.

[All laugh]

Hey, your rooms
are ready.

Oh, good.

Your rooms?

Rooms? Uh, rooms.

There must
be some mistake

Because we ordered
a suite.

If you'll excuse me,

I'm just dying to be alone
with my husband,

If you know what I mean.

Whoa!
Whoa!

♪ da-da da-da
da-da da-da ♪

♪ da-da da-da
da-da da-da ♪

♪ batman ♪

Well, here you are--
mr. And mrs. Micelli
our best suite.

Oh, well,
that's great.
Because, you know,

Nothing's too good
for the little woman.

Let's see, here you go.

You're a fine boy.
And you know,

You look a little
like the ex-prez.

[Imitating ronald reagan]
well, thanks a lot.

Uh...tony,
yeah?

Open communication is
important in a marriage.

So what the hell
is going on?

Angela, I know you're
gonna ask that question.

A, who is betty,
and b, why did you
tell her we're married?

Well, a,
she's just a girl,

And b,
because it came out

In the heat
of the moment.

Well, I mean. Not that
there was any heat.

It really wasn't much
of a moment.

What is going on
between you?

Well, nothing, nothing
I just--i can't help it

If she's
attracted to me.

I mean, hey,
some women--you know.

And, uh,
I also can't help it

If she can't take
no for an answer.

Aw, poor baby.

Did the little sexy
woman scare you?

Repeatedly.

Look, look,
look, look.

I know this
sounds crazy,

But now that she thinks
we're married,
she backed off.

And I didn't have
to hurt her feelings.

So, this is
a humanitarian effort.

Exactly.

Oh, well, that's
very sensitive of you,

Caped crusader.

Angela, come on now.
Come on you're being
sarcastic,

And I must say
it's not pretty.

It's not pretty,
angela.

And anyway, I didn't do
this just for her.

I did it for us.

For us?

Sure. I don't
want anything

To spoil
our weekend.

Uh-huh.

Come on.

Give an old timer
a break, huh?

Well...

I suppose it
wouldn't k*ll me
to play your wife.

Great.
Angela bower,
will you marry me?

I do.

Hoo!

This is great.
This is great

My wife, my wife is
going to be out there

Watching me
play baseball.

Honey, would you
get me a beer?

Ooh, look.

Look what's
on cable.
What?

the way we were.
I love that movie.

You like the way we were?
I didn't know that.

Darling, darling,

You know,
we have a lifetime

To learn these things
about each other.

I got a great idea.
What?

See, we'll order
from room service

We'll settle in

And we'll spend a nice quiet
evening in together.

I can't think of a better
way to spend the night.

Well, I can, but we're
just pretending here.

[Knock on door]

Who is it?

Man: uh, it's the manager.
You're in the honeymoon suite,

and no one's heard
any noises, yet.

what's not going on
in there?

Come on in, guys.

Hey. Hey, tony.

Angela, can we borrow
the batman here

For a quick drink?

What about dinner,
darling?

Well, I'll eat when
I get back, snookums.

Not you,
butthead.

Well, I'll eat when
I get back, snookums.

Alright, I'm coming.
Come on.

Bye, angela.

This is like my first
honeymoon night.

Hi guys.
Hey, betty.

Hello, betty.

Hi married guy.

Kinda makes you wish
you left the little woman

At home, huh, pal.

What little woman?

Oh, angela, yes.

Okay, here's for old times.

[Chattering]
all right, all right.

Aww!

So, betty,

You want to dance?

No, thanks, davey.

I only dance
to that tune with one guy,

And he's married.

Come on, tony.
Show us the old moves.

No, no, guys.
Guys, guys, guys.

Wait,
wait, you know,

I hung up
the dancing shoes
a long time ago.

And really, I should
be getting back up.

Come on!

Come on, here, here.

Don't make him
if he doesn't want to.

Oh, he wants to.

Guys, guys, really.

Come on, tony. You
remember how to do it.

Will you, please!

I guess
one dance, huh?

Mm-mmm. Move it.

Woo-hoo!

Look out.

Ohhh.

All right.

Remember this?

Yeah, well, it's
starting to come back.

Whoa.

Holy ballroom,
batman.

Oh.

.hi, honey.

Dinner ready?

[Telephone rings]

What?

Is this mr. And mrs.
Micelli's room?

Oh, please.

Well, imagine,
your own mother

Has to find out you're married
from a hotel clerk.

Mother, I cannot talk right now.

I'm kind of in a middle
of something.

All right.

It's not what you think.

All right.

Angela, let me in please.

Go away, the marriage is over.

Keep the house,
but give him the boy

Mother, I'm going to
have to call you back.

Oh, angela, please let me in.

Come on, let's not blow this
out of proportion.

How could you
humiliate me like that

All those guys,
think I'm your bride.

And there you are,

Tongue-wrestling
with betty boop!

So...you're mad?

Angela, angela come on,

It was just
one little kiss.

Is this part of tony's
humanitarian effort?

Oh, come on,
angela, let's lighten up.

It's not like
we're really married here.

Hey, buster,
we shook on it.

Oh, what are you
doing? Now?

Going home to mother.

Oh, come on,
angela please.

Come on, I didn't mean
to hurt your feelings.

Come on, it was stupid.
Really, I'm sorry.

Well then,
why did you make the big deal

About spending
the evening with me

When you really wanted
to spend the evening with her?

No, it's not
like that at all.

I really don't mind spending
the night with you.

Oh, you don't mind.

Angela, that's
not what I meant.

Angela,
look I really really

Want to be
with you tonight.

You sure?

Yeah, honest.

I just got
carried away.

Come on...

Snookums.

Well...

All right.

I guess I did overreact.

Angela, it was
all very innocent.

I mean, one minute,
I was--

I was having a couple of
drinks with the guys.

Next minute,
I was dancing with her.

And got to admit,
you know,

She's a pretty good
dancer.

Yeah, I could see that,

And it doesn't hurt

That she's got
a great body.

Oh, she's got
an outrageous body.

An irresistible body.

I mean, I could tell you
about some times
we had together.

She pushed buttons in me

That I hardly
knew I had.

I mean,
she put the "tempt"

In "temptation."

And we're talking
total, sensual,

Primal
gratification.

Oh, wait,
what are you doing?

Get out.
What?

Go. Be a primate.

Oh, come on, angela.

Don't throw my clothes
on the floor.

If you and betty want
to satisfy your base lust,

Far be from
me to stop you.

I'm not
your keeper,
I'm not your wife,

And I'm not going

To your stupid ball
game tomorrow.

So you're mad?

Uh-oh.

Hey, stranger,

What are you
doing down here?

I was just taking
my clothes for a walk.

Aw...i got you in
trouble with wifey,
didn't i?

Angela is not my wifey.

Boy, did I get you
in trouble.

Here, tony,
sit down.
Look...

We go back
a long time.

The last thing
I wanted to do.

Was to louse up
your marriage.

Look, betty,
there is no marriage.

No, don't talk
like that.

Look,
angela's a good kid.

Maybe a little
high-strung.

Kind of
a dull dresser.

Look, could we ban all
the angela talk, please?

Hey, not my subject
of choice.

So...

What do you think
of the cubs trading palmero?

I mean, he batted


Get this--
she's not coming
to the game tomorrow.

Well,

Some women aren't
into baseball.

Well, how about sleep?

She's not letting me
back in the room tonight.

Well, some women
aren't into sleep,

At least...

Not right away.

This weekend was
supposed to be fun.

She couldn't wait
to see me on the field

And then she tosses me up
and calls me a primate.

That must be betty.

Uh, mother, I just
want you to know.

That I'm coming home
tomorrow.

This weekend
was a mistake.

What happened?

I kicked tony out
of the room

Because he kissed
an old baseball friend.

So he's experimenting.

No, mother,
not that kind of
an old friend.

A sexy, redheaded
old friend.

Well, you can't
blame him for that,
can you?

He wanted me to play
at being married

Because he said she
couldn't resist him.

The truth is
he can't resist her.

Angela, tony is a man.

He has needs.

Man cannot live
by bread alone,

And since you're not
sharing your loaf...

Well, he had to go
to another bakeshop.

Thank you, mother,
for that colorful

And disgusting
metaphor.

I will see you
tomorrow.

I'm not going
to the ball game.

I'm gonna take
the first flight out

After
the free breakfast.

Angela, step back

And take a look
at the big picture here.

Now, you and tony
are best friends,

And you do not miss
the important days

Of your best
friend's life.

Hmm?

Goodbye, mother.

♪ whenever we're-- ♪

Oh, tony, maybe she'll
show up at the game.

Who?

I was just looking to see

If they're gonna bring
any more sausage, you know.

Hey ton, chuck me
another sweet roll, will you?

Hey, butthead
you eat any more food.

You're gonna bust the snaps
on your uniform.

What do you mean, like this?

I guess you got room
for that sweet roll now

Thank you.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Uh...

Pastry, angela?

No, betty.

I don't want
any of your baked goods.

May I speak to you
for a minute?

Sure. Sure.

I have something
that I want to say.

But, look. I want
to say something too
about last night--

Please, I don't
want to know.

You don't owe me
an explanation.

We're not married.

It's just that

I came to see
my best friend play ball,

And I'm going to see
my best friend play ball.

Really, angela?
Oh, that's...

That's great.

Aw,
look at this.

The newlyweds
are making up.

Come on,
you guys.

Now, it's not
an official make-up
until you kiss.

Kiss, tony.

Little kiss.

I'm glad that's over,
'cause I don't want
that man

Bunking on my couch
one more night.

Well, at least
you got to sleep

In the same room
with him.

You mean...

Whoa!

That's a kiss.

Tony: who's the boss?
Will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

[On broadway plays]

Yeah? Oh.

Like this.

Yeah, now you're getting
the hang of it.

Oh, my.

Oh.

[Grunting and panting]

[Chuckling] oh, oh, oh.

Oh, yes.
I think the plaster

In the ceiling
is cracked.

Yeah, I think we should
get that fixed right away.

[Theme music playing]