04x21 - Marry Me, Mona

[bunniefuu]

["BRAND NEW LIFE" PLAYING]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for livin' ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and
A road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is
Up to you, my friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

["WEDDING MARCH" PLAYS]

Tony, isn't my bride
beautiful?

Oh, she's more
than beautiful.

She's Mona.

Friends and relatives,

we're gathered together
to join this man
and this woman

in holy matrimony.

Usually, I ask this question
later in the ceremony,

but, all things considered,

I'd like to clear it up now.

Is there anyone present
who objects to this union?

Speak now
or forever hold your peace.

MAN 1:
I object.

MAN 2:
Me too.

Mona, I thought we had a date
Friday night.

Wait a minute,
she's going out
with me.

[ALL ARGUING]

Mother!
Mother, this is
embarrassing.

No, it's not, dear.

Boys, settle down.

Hey!

Settle down!

Guys,
thanks for the memories.

It was great
while it lasted,

and some of you lasted
longer than others.

But from now on,

I am a one-man woman.

Now all things
have come to pass.

Just think, they're lighting
candles in singles bars
all over New England.

Oh, you big lug,

I'm yours forever.

So, that's my dream.

It's so clear in my mind.

I can almost hear the tin cans
rattling behind my rolls.

Oh, Max, you paint such
a romantic picture.

Yeah,
Mona getting married.

Makes me want
to throw wild rice.

[LAUGHS]

So, am I to assume
that I have your permission
to marry Mona?

Oh, Max,

take my mother,
please.
[LAUGHS]

Oh, you have made me
so happy.

Welcome
to the family.
Oh.

Hey, Mona kissed a lot of frogs
to get to this prince.

Ah!
ANGELA: Oh!

All right. All right,
guys, now listen.

I want your advice on how
to pop the question.

I want to make this
a very special moment for Mona.

Oh, I know
exactly what to do.
Oh, yeah. Come on, sit down.

Sit down, sit down,
sit down.

Take her to a little
French restaurant
for candle-light dinner.

And when
she's not looking,

you slip the ring into
her champagne glass.

But make sure she doesn't
chug-a-lug.
[LAUGHS]

But... you know,
Angela,

I'm a little surprised.

I thought you might
go for something,
you know, a bit more romantic.

Like, picture this--

You're
at Yankee Stadium.

Yankee Stadium?

On hat day.

In one hand,
you got a hot dog,
mustard and relish.

In the other hand,
you got a cold beer.
Okay?

In your lap is a box
of cr*cker Jacks.

Now, during
the seventh-innings stretch,

you go for
the cr*cker Jacks,
you open the box,

and you pull out
the prize.

And let me tell you,
it ain't no plastic whistle.

It's a diamond ring.

Oh!

Suddenly,

the organ player
plays...

♪ Da-da-da-da
da-dah ♪

And you hear over
the loudspeaker,

"Angela Bower,
will you marry me?"

[IMITATING ECHO]
Me-me-me...

You say yes,
the crowd roars,
and we live happily ever--

Well, I mean,
you and the lucky guy

live happily
ever after.

That is beautiful,
Tony.
Oh, it's--

That is so sweet.

[BOTH IMITATING ECHO]
Sweet-sweet-sweet
sweet-sweet-sweet.

What is sweet?
ALL: Oh.

Oh, nothing, nothing.

Good things come
to those who wait.

TONY: Yeah.
Wait-- wait?

Wait for what, huh?
Oh, it's a surprise.

Oh, come on.
Come on, now...

Give me just
a little hint.

All right, I'll give you just
one little hint.

Will you marry me?

What?

Guess he couldn't wait
till baseball season.
[CHUCKLES]

Well, will you?

Oh, you big lug,

I'm yours forever.

Just as
I pictured it.

But my answer
is no.

No?
No?

No.

There's that echo
again.

You know,
I'm getting tired

of carrying all this
romantic junk

up to grandma's apartment.

I wish she'd say yes to Max.

Yeah, at least say no
to nougats.

I'm going to blow up
like a balloon.

You want me
to take some away?

No!

Sam, is this how you get
a girl to like you,

by spending a lot of money?

You got it.

No, there are other ways to.
I mean, you could be cute,

or charming, or funny.

Spend money.

Are Max and Mother
joining us for dinner?

Yeah, I think so,

unless he's wining
and dining her again.

Let me tell you,
this guy don't give up.

He is so romantic.

You know, I don't understand
why Mother's not responding.

Well, she's responding,
she just hasn't said yes.

Well, she said yes,
but not to marriage.
Yeah, well...

You know Mona.
Come on.

She needs her space.
She wants her freedom.

She's like a wild gazelle,

roaming the plains
of the Tri-State area.

She cannot be tamed.

Well, maybe he could
hit her with a stun g*n.

Tony, I just don't want
to see my mother alone

for the rest of her life.

Oh, come on, Angela,
she's not going to be alone.

Hey, let me tell you something,
two people can love each other

and be together
without being married.

Um, I'm going to take out
the garbage.

Whoa. Get a load of this.

I told Mother
to pull down the shades.

Not that. Come here.

Look.

Oh!

MONA:
Wow.

I never had my name
in the sky before.
[CHUCKLES]

Oh, Max,

the candy
and the flowers

and now this.

You are
spoiling me rotten,

and I'm a pushover
for rotten.
[CHUCKLES]

Then the answer
is yes?

Well...

everything's going
so well for us.

Why change it?

Mona, I want
to be with you
all the time.

Well...
We'll take a cruise
around the world, for a year.

Mona, I want to take you away
from all of this.

Well, I don't want
to get away from all of this.

I want
to keep my job.

I want to watch
my grandson grow up.

And I want to insult
my daughter.

Why, fine,

then we'll get married
and stay here.

Max, what's
the rush, huh?

Can't we just
enjoy the moment?

Good moment.
Mm. [CHUCKLES]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Uh, that must be
my darling grandson

delivering some more
of your romantic goodies.

Beat it, Jonathan!

WOMAN:
Suzanne Roberts.

Hmm, I don't know
any Suzanne Roberts.

I do.
That's my ex-wife.

Beat it, Suzanne!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

SUZANNE:
Is Max there?

I'd better get it.

She's a very persistent lady.

Hello, Max.

Suzanne, what are
you doing here?

Aren't you going
to invite me in?
No.

He never means
what he says.

You must be Mona.

And you
must be 25.

Next April.

[SIGHS]
Suzanne, what
was important enough

to bring you all the way
up here to Connecticut?

You.

Remember what you said
when we split up?

That it was the biggest mistake
of our lives.

You were absolutely right.

Don't do that.

Now, if you'd like to talk,
we'll talk. but this isn't
the time or the place.

Okay, how about my
apartment tonight?

Uh, how about right here,

right now?

You don't mind?

No, of course not.

I'll be downstairs
at Angela's.

How very gracious
of you, Mona.

Max and I have a lot
to catch up on.

Well, take your time.

Oh, and if
you need a break,

there's a scratching post
in the kitchen.

[HUMMING]
[TIMER DINGS]

h*! All right,
all right.

Oh, baby.

Oh.

Oh, come to papa.

Oh, a center cut
roast,

new potatoes,
baby carrots,

and gravy to die for.

Perfection in a pan.

It's too bad I'm stuffed.

I never should have
had that last chocolate.

Yeah.
Or the 40 before it.

Life is wonderful.

Oh, I'm glad
to hear that, Mona.

I hope you're hungry.

No, I couldn't eat a thing.

Oh, wha-- Why don't I just
pack up my meat thermometer

and go where people eat.

[CHUCKLES] Well, maybe
I'll have a little later on.

It's just that--

Well, right now
I'm just too excited.

Well, what do you mean?

Well...

I've decided
to marry Max.

ANGELA: Oh!
Aah!

Oh, Mona,
that's terrific!

Well, that's wonderful!
What made you
change your mind?

Who cares what made
her change her mind.

Oh!
We're getting
married!

[ALL LAUGH]

Ladies and
young ladies, presenting
in this living room only,

the future
Mrs. Mona Robinson-Muldoon!

So, what do you think?

Uh, well, Mother...
Don't you think that's a little
risqué for the wedding night?

This is
for the wedding.
[ALL LAUGH]

Hey, hey, hey!

Let me tell you, we had
the greatest time out there.

It's bride's heaven
out there, huh.

We picked out
stemware, flatware,

china patterns,
sheets, and towels.

I could not get him
out of housewares.

Yeah, all she wanted
to see was ceiling mirrors.

Come on, Samantha.

You can
help me unwrap
all the packages.

Ooh, great. I can't wait
to see what you got.

Yeah. Mona, don't let her
near that red box.

Gee, you know,

weddings
are a lot of work.

Makes you wonder
if they're
even worth it.

What? I thought
this is what you wanted.

I thought it was too.

Well, so what's wrong?

Mona's happy.
Max is happy.
I'm happy.

You're a wet blanket.

Tony, something just
doesn't add up.

One minute, she wants
to be free as a gazelle.

And the next minute,
she's making a lifetime
commitment.

Well, that's Mona.

You know, flighty,
free-spirited...

wacko. Heh.

But, hey,
she can take
care of herself.

Yeah, well,
maybe you're right.

Aren't I always, huh?
Huh.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Gosh, you know,
isn't life funny?

You know, I mean,
one minute you're saying,
"no, no, no."

And the next minute,
you're saying,
"I do, I do, I do."

Well... [CHUCKLES]

Mother, what was
that magic moment

that made you
change your mind?

Well, actually,
there were several, dear.

We'll talk about it
when you're older.

Uh...

Mother, I just can't
help but thinking that--
[TONY HUMMING]

Ah, Tony, just the man
I wanted to talk to.
Oh, yeah?

Do you think that
we should invite
the Simmons to the wedding?

Oh, the Simmons, I don't know.
You know, at the last party
he went to he got drunk,

he put a lampshade on his head,
and he started taking his
clothes off.

You're right.
They're in.
[TONY CHUCKLES]

Um...

Hey.
TONY: Hey, look who's back!
All right!

Hi, how were
the Ice Capades?

Oh, it was terrific. You should
have seen the costumes.

Oh, and the routines.

And the legs
on those babes.

Tongue to the floor.

Where does he
get these things?

Pee-wee's
Playhouse.

I almost forgot.
Got some munchies
here for you.

Oh, boy!
Hey, Mona,

do not ruin your appetite.

I reheated this roast
twice already.

One more time,
I'll be wearing it on my feet.

Tony, cr*cker Jacks.

With a prize.

Oh! Crac--

Open it up, Mona.

You know, it's a good
appetizer for roast.

It's...

You know, the last time
I opened one of these things,

I got one of those
things you click

that makes
cricket noises...
TONY: Yeah.

[GASPS]

Whoa, that's some
cricket clicker.

We helped pick it out.

We? You wanted to get
the smaller one.

I was the one who held out
for the major rock.

That's my girl.
Heh, heh.

Oh, Max, we're going to be
so happy together,

just the three of us.

A small token
of my love

and not that you'd care but
it's twice as big
as Suzanne's.

Suzanne?
Who's Suzanne?

Oh, Max's ex-wife.

Uh, she dropped by
a couple of days ago.

Let me tell you,
Mona showed
a great deal of class.

Oh, what was your ex-wife
doing here?

She wanted to get
back together again,
but...

hey, hey,
this guy is spoken for.

TONY: Now you're talking,
Max, my man.

Is this a cute couple,
or what?
[ALL LAUGH]

Come on, Max,
let's go up to my place.

Um, Mother, could I have
a word or two with you
in the kitchen, please?

No.

Uh, Mother,
we really need to talk.

Well, you sure know
how to spoil a girl's fun.

Don't go far, cave man.

I won't.
[BOTH LAUGH]

Hey, well, Tony...
Don't you think it's time that
we planned my bachelor party?

Ooh, yeah.
How about Tai Babilonia
jumping out of a cake?

All right, all right.

So I didn't mention
his ex-wife.

You know, I've got a few other
things on my mind.

I just want to
ask you one thing.

Was the night
she came over

the night you
decided to marry Max?

Who remembers?

Angela, if you will
excuse me,

Max is waiting for me,
and I have some
gratitude to show.

Just tell me if it was
the same night.

Angela, what is it
with you?

Mother, just look at the facts,
one minute you
want to be free,

and the next minute
his ex-wife shows up,

and you've got
a diamond that's
size of a coconut.

Oh, so that's what
it's about, huh?

Coconut envy.

Give me a little credit.

I just-- I just think
you feel threatened.

By Suzanne? Ha!

Mona Robinson does not
know the meaning

of the word
"threatened." [CHUCKLES]

It means insecure...

vulnerable...

feeling inadequate
to a former wife...

who happens to be
a younger woman.

Heh.
Time to check my roast.

Angela, you don't know
what you're
talking about.

Mother, I just don't want
to see you marry Max
for the wrong reasons.

Well, if you feel that way
about it, maybe you shouldn't
come to my wedding.

What?
Oh, feel what way?

Mother, I think you're
overreacting.

We can find some other place
to have the wedding,

some place with more room
and nicer furniture.

Oh, Mona, why don't
we just rent other chairs.

We'll have it
at Max's apartment.

Or on the yacht.
That would be very nice.

Well, time out. Wait--
What happened?

Don't worry, Tony.

You're still invited
to the wedding.

What'd you do?

That woman will not listen
to reason.

Do you know why she is marrying
Max? Because she's afraid
of losing him to Suzanne.

Oh, Angela, I don't think
you're right there.

I know I'm right!

Maybe you are,
but maybe you're wrong.

Hey, one thing's for sure.
She's your mother.
She's getting married.

And you should be there.

You heard her, Tony.
She doesn't even
want me there.

What is this world
coming to?

It's enough to break
a housekeeper's heart.

All right, Jonathan,
are you ready
to take over?

Sure, grandma, what do I do?

Well, right here where
it says "the wedding
will take place

at 3344
Oak Hills Drive."

Cross that out.

Put Pier 61.

Getting married on a boat
is a neat idea.

If anybody brings
a cheapo gift,

you can make them
walk the plank.
Heh, heh.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Yes?

How's it going?

Fine.

I couldn't be happier.

Jonathan, would you
like to run out
and mail those invitations?

Sure, grandma.

As soon as you marry Max,
will he put me in his will?

Goodbye, Jonathan.

I came to deliver this.

Oh, our first
wedding gift, huh?

Yes, it's from me.

Why?

Open it.

It's great-grandmother's
sterling comb.

Yes, you gave it to me
when I married Michael.

And now,
I want you to have it.

Do you remember
what you said when
you gave it to me?

Break it
and you're dead.

I-- I mean after that.

Uh...just some
mushy stuff.

I remember exactly.

You said Michael wasn't
your first choice for me

as a husband...

but that I'd always
be your first choice
as a daughter.

I said that?

Yes.

And you said that
as long as I was happy,

that's all you cared about,

and now I'm
saying that to you.

Thank you, dear.

And now can I please
come to your wedding?

Oh, baby.

You should see Suzanne.

She's really beautiful.

Max has great taste
in women.

This insecurity thing
is new to me.

You've come to the master.

You could lean on me.

I will...

in just a second.

Mother, where are you going?

I'm going to stop
Jonathan from mailing
those invitations.

[SIGHS]

This lady is
not getting married

until she's
good and ready.

[DOOR OPENS]

Uh... I just hope
Max understands.

Oh, of course he will.

No, I mean about
keeping this coconut.

[BLOWS AIR]

Smooth.

[SIGHS]

Oh, Tony, you really know
how to throw a bachelor party.
[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, this is wild.

You know, I gotta say, Max.
You're a real good sport
going through with this

even though Mona called
off the wedding, you know.

Hey, don't count me out yet,
you know.

I didn't become
a successful businessman

by taking no for an answer.

She'll come around.
Uh, I don't know, you know...

You never can tell with these
Robinson women. [LAUGHS]

Hey, speaking
of women...

wait till you
see the video
I got.

Huh! Oh, this is
going to knock
your socks off.

Get ready, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]

Welcome to the Ice Capades,
a celebration on skates.

All right, this is hot!

[BLOWS AIR]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]