04x18 - Three Teens and a Tony

[bunniefuu]

♪ There’s a time for love
And a time for livin’ ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and
A road that’s hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There’s a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is
Up to you, my friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

[PEBBLES HITTING WINDOW]

What the heck?

Ow! Ooh!

Ow!

MASON:
Mr. Micelli?

Mason?

MASON:
How are you?

I’m in pain!

Ow!

I’ll open up.

Mason, do you know
what time it is?

It’s 3:47.
Hope I didn’t wake you.

No. I had to get up
to open the door anyway.

Sorry to bother you.

The football players
ran me out of the dorm.

Was it the pajamas?

They didn’t help.

I was so busy
studying for my finals,

there wasn’t time to do
the team’s homework.

Couldn’t you talk
your way out?
Your IQ’s 180.

Yeah, but the nose
guard weighs 340.

Oh! Company!

What are
you doing up?

Just having
a midnight snack.

It’s 3:47.



Mason, what
brings you by?

Um...he needs a place
to stay for tonight.

Actually,
for a few nights.

Until finals
are over.

Oh, I understand.

It’s a bother.

I’ll sleep
at the bus station.

You have
a small blanket
or a Hefty bag?

Okay, Mase, here you go.

The old
snooze cocoon, uh?

It’ll be
just like camping out.

This isn’t down,
is it?

’cause I’m allergic
to down.

No, it’s
pure cotton.

Oh, good.

[SNEEZES]

I’m allergic
to cotton too,

but I’ll
take a pill.

Want some water
with that?

Not if it comes
out of the tap.

Gee, you’ll be such
a fun bunk mate.

Yeah.

Hey, this is
pretty comfortable.

Aah!

What is it?

There’s something
in there!

I think it’s dead.

All right, stand back.

Be careful.
All right...

Aah!

Just kidding, Mase.

But it is dangerous.

You know, candy--

Candy causes cavities.

Am I a dunderhead!

Yeah.

And Samantha’s a slob.

She uses my bag,
then doesn’t clean it.

Could you please not talk
about Sam like that?

You still carrying
a torch for Sam?

Oh, no.
The torch is out.

Actually, it’s on hold.

You see, I have
this 15-year plan.

Sam and I go
our separate ways.

I pursue my career
in kinetic physics,

Sam marries a vacuous hunk
and has six vacuous kids.

It’s not working out,
but she’s reluctant
to get a divorce.

I raised her right.

Finally, she can’t
take it anymore.

A bitter divorce
leaves her shattered,

depressed,
and craving coffee.

She wanders into
a Chock full o’Nuts,

and there I am,
dunking a powdered doughnut.

Wiping the powder away,
she falls hopelessly in love.

We get married,
I adopt her six kids,

they call me pops,

I win the Nobel Prize,

and we live
happily ever after.

Gee, that’s
a lovely story.

It would be great
to have you
in the family,

but let’s
get some sleep.

Yeah, okay.
Okay, pal.

Okay.

Good night, Mason.

Good night, Dad.

Okay, Mase, what’s
it going to be?

We got
granola, eggs,

and we got
whole-wheat pancakes.

What a catch, huh?

Got any
powdered doughnuts?

You’re having pancakes.

Good morning.

Isn’t it a lovely day?

Who are you?

Oh, Mona,
you remember Mason.

Oh, yes, of course.
Mason!

Get out of my chair.

Come on, Mother.
We’ll miss our train.

I haven’t had
breakfast yet.

You work better hungry.

Jonathan, look!

Thank you.

Grandma!

Morning, Dad.
Morning, Jonathan.

Morning, Mason.

Mason?

Oh, hi, Sam.
I moved in.

Oh, really?
That’s nice.

Why?

Well, you know,

I got finals
coming up, and...

uh...he was having
a communication problem

with some classmates.

The nose guard
was using him
as a tackling dummy.

How would you like that
happening to you?

Well, it does.

That’s why I feel
so close to this guy.

Later, dude!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

TONY:
Come on in.

Good morning,
everybody.

How’s my favorite
extended family?

TONY: All right, Jess.
What do you say, pal?

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hi, Sam.
Hi, Jesse.

You look great.

Thanks so do you.

What happened
to your hair?

Uh, I combed it.

It really works.

Thanks a lot.

Sam, don’t you want
to introduce somebody?

Who? Oh, yeah.

Jesse, this is Mason.
He lives here.

Don’t worry.
I’m no threat.

Let’s get to school.

I’m buying tickets
for the skating party.

I wanted to talk
about that.

I’m working at
the animal shelter
Friday night.

Oh, no.
Not Friday night.

Those mutts need me.

What about this mutt?

That doesn’t mean
you can’t go.

Alone?

No, not alone.
Go with somebody else.

Who?

I don’t know. Anybody.

Mason.

Me? Oh, no.
I’ve got work to do.

I’m not that good
on ice.

I’m not even
that good on pavement.

Come on, Mase.
You’ll have a good time.

I can see you now,

gliding gracefully
over the ice.

Got insurance?

You’re gliding
with Sam, huh? Huh?

So tell me, Sam,

the last time
I fell down,

how many skaters
fell with me?

How many were there?

Shh!

I had a really great
time tonight, Sam.

Good night.

Wait a minute!

You live here,
dunderhead!

Oh, yeah!

Come on.

Shh. My dad’s
in here, okay?

Wait. Where is he?

He always waits up
when I’m on a date.

You’re not
on a date, dunderhead!

Oh, yeah!

If this were a date,
I’d be hyperventilating.

I have a very low
excitement threshold.

Don’t be so down
on yourself.

You’re fun
to be with.

You’re just saying that.

No, I mean it.

Remember when you smashed
into Lisa Frankel?

Well, I think she got
in your way on purpose.

Will you stop.

No, I’m serious.

She was smiling at you
when they carried her

to the first aid station.

At me? No way.

Really?

You’re a very
attractive guy...

except for that mustard
on your cheek.

Oh, where?

Here, let me.

Mason?

[GASPS AND WHEEZES]

Mason! Are you okay?

Get a bag!





Yahoo!

Didn’t your mother
tell you to knock

before you yahoo?

You won’t believe
what just happened.

They had a breakthrough
in nasal decongestants?

I wish.

But it’s even better.

Sam and I were
talking and laughing,

and she wiped some
mustard off my cheek,

and then she...

[GASPS AND WHEEZES]

All right, all right.

Mason, take it easy.

Take it easy.
Calm down.

She kissed me.

[GASPS AND WHEEZES]

Would you like
to borrow my bag?

Now wait a minute.

It was an accident.

She just bumped
into your lips.

It was no accident.

It was just
like I planned,

except it wasn’t
at Chock full o’Nuts.

It was mustard
instead of powder.

It was tonight
instead of 2003.

I can’t believe it!

Neither can I.

The meeting of two
personalities

is like the contact
of two chemical substances.

If there’s any reaction,
both are transformed.

Carl Jung, 1933.

What the hell
is going on here?

Tony Micelli, 1988.

Don’t worry,
Mr. Micelli.

It was all
very harmless,

but intoxicating.

I’ll be right back.

You stay here
and sober up.

Anybody home?

SAMANTHA:
Come in.

Hi, sweetheart.

You didn’t come in
and say good night.

Is everything okay?

Of course.
Good night.

All right, sweetheart.

Can I get you anything?

A snack, some water,

some ChapStick?

Oh, no.
Mason blabbed!

I’m so embarrassed!

Then it’s true.

I thought you didn’t
like Mason that way.

I don’t.

You’re going steady
with Jesse.

I am!

I’m confused.
Me too.

Come out of there
so we can talk.

I don’t want
anyone else to know.

Just forget about it.

What’s going on?
Sam kissed Mason.

Oh!
Oh!

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry. I didn’t
get it locked in.

Don’t worry, honey.

It won’t go beyond
these four walls.

What won’t go beyond
these four walls?

I kissed Mason, okay?

You did?

Finally, some action
around this house!

Come on, Sam.
Give me details.

How could I do it?

What kind
of person am I?

Am I destined to drift

from one tawdry affair
to another?

Worked for me.
Mona!

You know, Sam,
kissing Mason wasn’t so awful.

What? What are you saying?
She’s committed to Jesse.

Yeah, I’m wearing
his Save the Whales pin.

Well, how do you
really feel about Mason?

Come on, don’t hold
anything back.

Well, I like him as a friend.

But I don’t get those feelings
that I get when I’m with Jesse.

What, what feelings?

You know, like when you’re
waiting for him by the locker,

and you see him
and your heart skips a beat,

and you slam your finger
in the door.

You know, good feelings.

Oh, well,
those are okay feelings.

[SIGHS]

How will I face
Jesse tomorrow?

If you feel this way,
you just tell him.

Tell him?

You never tell them!

What if he hears
about it from
somebody else?

Deny it!

Mona, that is
deceitful and devious.

Actually, there is something
in what Mother’s saying.

You agree?

I better
rethink this.

Angela, what are
you talking about?

Honesty. Honesty is
the best policy.

Life isn’t
black and white.

There are
shades of gray.

Do my ears
deceive me?

Are you peddling
dishonesty?

I’m peddling a rational
approach to relationships.

Let me understand.
We’re going out.

You kiss a guy,
you don’t tell me?

Depends on
the circumstances.

What circumstances?

There are
lots of--

Hello there!

Remember my problem?

What problem?

Oh!

Hi, Mason.

Hi, Sam.

I’ve been thinking about
what happened last night.

What are you doing?

I’m packing my underwear

around my
portable humidifier

so it won’t scratch my
negative ion generator.

You mean you’re leaving?

Sam, last night
was a magical moment,

but I’ve done a lot
of thinking since then.

I really like you,

but you’re
too mature for me.

I’m not ready for
this kind of passion.

But, Mason--
Please, Sam.

Don’t make this any harder
than it already is.

A relationship with you now
would just be too distracting.

I have my studies,
my life’s work, my allergies.

Does this mean
you’re dumping me?

Oh, please.

Don’t think of it
as being dumped.

Think of it as being
put on hold for 15 years.

Okay.

Samantha Micelli,

you are an amazing woman.

Well, Mason
I just want--

Shh.

Don’t say anything, Sam.

Just go.

Okay.

Mmm! Heavenly.
Tony, you make
the best pancakes.

Oh, really?

Are you being totally
honest with me, Angela?

How do I know
you don’t leave here,

eat some other guy’s
pancakes,

and tell him
the same thing?

Tony...

I don’t eat around.

Hi!

How are you, Sam?

Great!
I just got dumped.

Wh-what?

Mason let me
down easy.

So I don’t
have to let him
down easy,

which would’ve
been hard.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Come in. Oh, Jesse.

How’d it go
at the animal shelter?

What a feeling.

I brought six
Chihuahua puppies
into the world.

Oh, wow!

Congratulations.
A canine midwife.

You did
wash your hands?

Yes, I did.

How was
your skating party?

Actually,
that’s what I wanted
to talk to you about.

Okay.
In there.

I decided
you were right, Dad.

I’ll tell Jesse
the truth.

There’s a lot
you can learn from
that little girl.

Well, what is it, Sam?

Remember when we
started going steady,

and we promised
to always be honest
with each other?

Yeah.

Well...you see,

last night
at the skating party--

You really delivered
six Chihuahuas?

Yeah. The contractions started

in the middle of
our Spuds McKenzie
lookalike contest.

You are so funny.
You crack me up.

I kissed Mason
last night.

What?

I kissed Mason.

Mason?

Where?

Right over there.

No. I mean,
on the lips?

Yeah.

I see.

You felt sorry for him
and you were just trying

to build up his confidence,
right?

No, it was just
a regular old kiss.

I don’t know why I did it,

but we were having
such a good time

that it seemed right
at the moment.

I see.

So you see, Angela,

a relationship is like
a delicate flower.

You’ve got to feed it,
nurture it,

and sprinkle it with
the water of honesty.

Only then will it bloom.

Provided you keep
shoveling fertilizer on it.

Don’t toy with me.

Well, Sam,
did you tell him?

Yeah.

What did he say?

He said, "I see."

I told him
it would never
happen again.

What did he say?

"I see."

Didn’t he
say anything else?

Sure. He said

trust was the most
important thing
in a relationship,

and he was
really glad I was
totally honest.

[CHUCKLES]

And then
he dumped me.

I see.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Who is it?
JESSE: It’s me.

That narrows it down.

Hi, Jesse.

You’re here
to see Sam?

Yeah, but actually,

I wanted to talk
to you first.

Yeah? Pull up a sofa.

What’s on your mind?

I guess Sam told you
what happened, right?

Yeah.

Afterward, I thought
I had no right

to cast stones
at Sam.

I’m not without sin
myself.

What do you mean?

Well...I kissed
Debbie Barofsky.

That’s it?

That’s enough,
isn’t it?

I mean, Sam and I
were going steady.

I don’t know
what came over me.

Actually, it was
Debbie Barofsky.

She’s kind
of aggressive,

but I could have
fought harder.

Well, we do
what we can.

After what I did,

I had no right
walking out on Sam.

That’s right.

Now you kiss
and make up.

Everything’s fine.

I wish it was
that simple.

When Sam hears,
she may stop
talking to me.

Still, I have
to be honest.

Don’t you agree?

No.

No? I’m surprised
to hear you say that.

It kind of
snuck up on me too.

Um, you see,
this honesty thing

it could be overrated,
you know,

especially when
it comes to hurting
Sam’s feelings.

Still, it’s important
to be totally truthful.

Ah, Jesse, my boy,

you know, it’s not
always black and white

in this world.

Sometimes it’s gray.

There’s a lot of gray.

Jesse, what are
you doing here?

There’s something
I have to tell you.

No, don’t, Jesse.

I’m sorry.
I just can’t lie.

Why not
give it a shot?

What is this about?

I can’t blame you
for kissing Mason,

because I’ve done
the same thing.

You kissed Mason?

No.

Remember when I went
to the Greenpeace rally?

Yeah.

Well, Debbie Barofsky
cornered me

between the tuna trawler
and the fish gutting table,

and we kissed.

Well, it could happen
to anybody

in a romantic setting like...

You kissed
Debbie Barofsky?

Yeah.

That’s wonderful!

It is?

It is?

Yes. Don’t you see?

You’re not perfect.

You’re just
as rotten as I am.

You--
You’re not even mad?

No, I’m not mad.

Actually, I’m disgusted.
Debbie Barofsky?

But we’ll talk later.

I’m just
glad you’re back.

Aw, Sam.

Aw, Jesse.

Aw, gee.

Wow, way to go, Mason.

Aced all your finals.

And the pollen count is down.
What a week.

Hey, that’s good,
really, terrific.

Hey, and stop by any time...
of the day.

Okay. All right,
bye, Mason.

What happened with
the football players?

Smooth sailing.

This experience
with Sam

made him feel
like a real man.

It gave him
the confidence

to stand up
to those guys,

and he got
a stun g*n.

I think
the pancake’s ready.

I think it’s time
to pass on
the griddle.

Oh, no. Oh, no.
You want me to do it?

I can’t do it.

Yes, you can.

All right,
I’ll give it a try.

I guess it’s all
in the wrist action.

That’s the most
common mistake
in pancake flipping.

Actually,
you get your height
from the shoulder.

The shoulder.
That’s right.

All right, well...

batter up!

[CACKLES]

And...

[♪♪]