04x11 - Just Mona and Me

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for livin' ♪

♪ So take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and
A road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is
Up to you, my friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

And if your company does decide
to go with the Bower agency,

I can promise you a creative
advertising campaign

that's tied in with the use
of selective marketing tools.

You go ahead.
You've got my attention.

Such as sales force
incentives

and consumer rebates.

I think you'll find this
extremely interesting.

Now, as you can see,

the sale
of Maxcraft yachts

is up about 14 percent
for the coming season

and about 17 percent
for the year overall.

Now, to my mind, I think that
we can do better than that.

Personally, I think we could go
as high as 30 percent--

Uh, great presentation.
When does the client get here?

Where's Max?

He's not in here.

Mother.

That's my next guess.

So you're the body behind
that smooth, sultry voice, huh?

Go ahead. Do it for me.

Oh, no.
I'd feel silly.

Well, it would make me
very happy.

Good afternoon,
the Bower Agency.

Holy cow! Mmm!

I love it!

[GIGGLING]

Mother,
what are you doing?

Improving
customer relations.

Mother? I thought
the two of you were sisters.

Well, you're not the first
to make that mistake.

[LAUGHING]

Why don't we go back

in the other room and continue
the presentation?

Well, sounds good
to me, hmm?

Oh.

Excuse me.

Hey, you must be Max.

You look like a man
who's smart enough

to sign with
the Bower Agency.

Max, this is
Tony Micelli,

my housekeeper
and publicist.

Just a minute now.

Didn't you used to play
second base with the Cards?

Yeah.

Hey, listen, I saw
the season opener

with the Mets in '76.
Yeah?

Right. You went 0 for 4,
and you blew a double play.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I had a lot
riding on that game.

Oh, well, gee, Max,
I'm sorry.

No, on the Mets.
[LAUGHING]

Yeah, I wish you were
still playing.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Why don't we toss the ball
around one of these days?

I got my yacht
parked in Southport.

Oh, really?
Mine's in the shop.

[ALL LAUGHING]

I like this guy.

Oh, isn't that nice?
We all like each other.

There's a pie chart in the
living room with your name.

Angela, I'd love to see it,
but--

Oh, my goodness,
look at the time.

And I have dinner plans.

Cracked crab on ice,
champagne at my yacht.

You understand.
You have a date? Now?

Only if she's free.

Mona, how about it?

Ship ahoy.

[MAX LAUGHS]

Angela, I'm sorry about
the presentation.

I will see it,

but Mona and I have a date
with a sunset.

[SINGING POPEYE THEME]

I can't believe
she did this!

I know, I know.

Mona gets seasick
in a jacuzzi.

I mean running off
with a prospective client.

She knows how I feel about
mixing business with pleasure.

You never socialize
with anyone you work with.

Uh, would you two
like to join Mona and me

this weekend at my cabin
in Maine?

Love to.

Oh.

I love
the great outdoors.

Communing with nature,

being in touch
with the rivers and the streams.

Okay, okay, so you
caught a trout.

A 10 pound, 2 ouncer.

The game warden
told me I set a record.

Why don't you put it
in the refrigerator?

'Cause it's starting
to stink.

Hooking this trout
isn't the only thing

that's making me smile.

I haven't seen mother
this happy in a long time.

Yeah, not since they rerouted

that men's marathon
down our street.

[ANGELA LAUGHS]

[MAX & MONA LAUGHING]

You're-- You're kidding.

You're right-handed too?

It's such a coincidence.

And both our names
begin with M.

Oh, brother.

You wouldn't believe
how much we have in common.

I believe.
I believe.

Uh, Angela.
Yes?

I'm sorry, I am going to see
your presentation,

but I want you to know
I appreciate you not pushing it.

Oh, sure. Just didn't seem
like the right time or place.

Besides, your mother threw
your charts out the rowboat.

Why don't I just put
my trout in the fridge.

I'll do it.
No, no. That's all right.

Mother wants to help,
don't you, mother?

No.
Come on.

They always go
to the bathroom together too.

Stay.

Now, mother,
you know

I've been dying
to get you alone for a minute.

I know. I know what
you're going to say:

"You and Max
make a great couple."

Was I that obvious?

Oh, no.
I just sensed it

because every time
I looked at you

this weekend you were going...

[CHUCKLES]

We never had
a chance to chat.

You were always
walking in the woods with Max

or talking
in the woods with Max

and who knows
what else in the woods with Max.

The woodchucks know.

Mother,
it's just that...

I don't know.
You just seem so different,

so unlike yourself.

You didn't put me down
once this weekend.

I didn't?

No.

I'll have to
make up for that.

Now, come on.
Now, Tony.

Are you sure that she likes me?

Max, I know all the signs.
What, are you kidding me?

Mona Robinson does not gut fish
for just anyone.

[LAUGHS]

Let me tell ya.
Oh, boy.

I sure hope you're right
because that...

That redhead has a headlock
on my heart.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Wait till you see
her full nelson.

I think I have.
[LAUGHS]

Hey, listen, Tony,
I wanna thank you

for making me feel like

a part of the family
this weekend. No, I mean it.

Hey, what are housekeepers for,
huh?

I wanna thank you for letting us
stay in that little cabin.

I never saw one
with a bowling alley before.

It's too bad it's not your game,

especially after that
fishing incident with Angela.

Okay, wise guy. Okay.

Now you're on my turf.
How about a little one-on-one?

Oh, yeah, sure.

You think you can handle it?

Can I handle it?
Let me tell you something.

I'm gonna mop the floor
up with you.

I'm gonna k*ll you...
Hmm?

...right after I do this load
of dainty washables.

[LAUGHS]

Ah.

Uh...Joan, it's me.

Yeah. Uh...I don't think
I'll make it home tonight.

Ahh. Oh, that's sweet.

Yeah. Well, same here.

All right.

You know, Angela,

I'm thinking about
taking a big step,

a kind of change
in my lifestyle.

Yes?

I'm going down to the Y

and erase my name
from the wall.

Mother, I am
so proud of you.

What about
the gas station?

No. I really mean it. I...

I'm ready to make
a commitment.

I don't want to go out
with anybody else but Max.

It finally happened.

My mother wants
to go steady!

Go steady?

I feel a zit coming on.

Mother!

Well, since you're having
these thoughts and feelings,

don't you think you ought
to broach the subject with Max?

Oh, I don't know.

I wish he'd broach first.

What if I bring it up,
and he says no?

Not a chance.

I saw those long looks
he was giving you

when we were
playing bridge last night.

Angela.
Hm?

We were cheating.

No matter.

I know he feels the same way
about you

that you feel about him.

And I want my $6.00 back.

This omelet is great.
What's in it?

Trout.

My trout.

Angela,
you caught a fish?

[LAUGHS]
Just a little 10-pounder...

And 2 ounces...

That set a record.

Way to go. Dad,
what did you catch?

Finish your omelet.

Oh, I get it.

Tony didn't
catch anything.

The big zero.

Dad, el zippo?

[ALL LAUGH]

But who's counting?

Well, I promised Max
a home-cooked breakfast,

so here he is.

Good. Come on in. We've
still got 9 pounds, 7 ounces.

Hey, hey, hey.

Boatman Bower,

Midshipman Micelli.

Hey, Skipper Muldoon.

Did you, uh, talk to Max?

Well, yeah,
I was going to,

but, uh...

Then he turned the lights
down low, and I...

Well, what's a girl
gonna do?

Tell me
that story again

about the giant turtles

at...Gallopopidopolis?

That's the Galapagos
Islands, Jonathan.

I watch
Wheel of Fortune...

For the knowledge.

Oh, really? I thought
it was for Pat Sajak.

Get out.
Bye.

Jonathan, hurry up.

Well, I hate to see
a warm lap go to waste.

Watch it, Mona,
I run a clean kitchen.

Well, now that you're here--
Excuse me.

I have a very important
question to ask.

Maybe we should leave.

No, no. Wait.

For this, I have to have
Angela's blessing.

Yes!

Well, thank you,
Angela.

You've just given
your mother two weeks off

to sail with me
down to the Bahamas.

That is, of course--
Yes!

♪ And love
Exciting and new ♪

♪ Come aboard
We're expecting you ♪

♪ The love boat ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

Oh, Mona, look at you.

Everything is shipshape.

Aye, aye, matey.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, Mother.

That is a stunning suit.

A little
bon voyage present.

From Max?

No, from you.

By the way, Angela,

you're over
your limit at Saks.

Remember, Angela,
it's for a good cause.

[CHUCKLES]
That-- That is true.

So, uh--

Mother, are those
my new earrings?

Remember the cause.
Yeah.

Did you talk to Max

about you and him
and him and you and no one else?

But of course.

How did it go?

[BOTH GIGGLING]

Hey, Mona, you got
your Dramamine?

Nothing ruins
a romantic cruise

more than throwing up
on the bulkhead.

I know
from experience.

I'd better take
a quick trip to the drugstore.

I'll come with you.
Good.

You may want to buy me some
outrageously expensive perfume.

You didn't pack mine?

I used it up.

♪ And love
Won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ It's an open smile ♪

♪ On a friendly shore ♪

♪ The love boat ♪

♪ Soon will be making
Another turn ♪

♪ The love boat ♪

♪ Promising romance
To everyone ♪

[PHONE RINGS]

♪ Set your course
For romance ♪

Hey. Hello there.

Hey, Max.

Hey, listen,
it's your cruise director, Tony.

I got something for you and Mona
to break over the bow.

Uh, Tony, is Mona there?

No, but she'll be
back in a minute.

Uh, Tony, uh...

[STUTTERS]

Something's come up,

and I won't be able
to make that trip.

Well, are you okay?

Yes, I'm okay.

Well, then, what's going on?

Uh...

Tony...Now,
here's the thing.

It's over between
Mona and me.

Now, I'm gonna call her later
and explain.

Uh--
Max, we should get going.

Yeah. Uh...
And another thing, Tony,

I know Angela's counting
on my business, but...

You understand now
it would be pretty awkward.

I've got to run.

Could you tell them both
what's happening?

Oh, come on, Max.
Talk to me, here.

No, I'm sorry.
You take care, Tony.

Gee.

What would Gavin MacLeod
do in a spot like this?

All right. Look.

I tell Angela,
and then we both tell Mona.

Naw.

How about this?

She tells her, and I
take my two weeks' vacation.

Yeah. Come on, Micelli.
Don't be a coward.

All right, all right.

The minute they come in,
you tell them.

Hi.

Hi. Bye.

Well, I'd better
freshen up.

Max will be here any minute.

Uh...Mona, you've
got plenty of time.

Why? Is he going to be late?

Um...

[MUMBLING]

What does that mean?

Ehh...

[MUMBLING]

Oh, Tony, come on.
Out with it.

Well, all right.
Here's the thing, Mona, uh...

Angela, you didn't
get the account.

Oh, no! I worked
so hard on that!

He didn't even
hear my pitch!

Ooh, life is so unfair!

Angela, don't you think
you're overreacting?

No! What could be worse?

Hold that thought.

Well, don't
you worry, baby.

I can fix it.

I am not without influence

in the pleasure craft industry.
Yeah, yeah.

That's a funny thing
about that influence stuff.

It comes, it goes.

What are you
trying to say, Tony?

Max went.

I don't understand.

He says he can't
see you anymore.

But he's gonna call you
and explain.

I see.

Uh, gee,
I'm sorry, Mona.

Mother, you...

This is terrible.

I think I'll go unpack.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Men, they're all alike.

Max, what would you
like for dinner?

Well, whatever, uh...
I'm not hungry.

Well, as long as you're in such
an agreeable mood,

I was thinking about going
to the Hamptons this weekend.

Good idea.

I think you and your husband
need some time alone.

You are one terrific boss.

I know.
Thanks.

[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get it.

Hello.

Hello.
Is Mr. Muldoon in?

I'm Angela Bower
of the Bower Agency.

And I'm Tony Micelli
of the Bower residence.

Come in.

I'll tell him you're here.
Thank you.

[CHUCKLES]
So now we know why the creep
didn't call back.

He's got a girlfriend.

That woman is wearing
a wedding band.

The creep is married.
Oh!

That's it, Angela.
I've heard enough.

I wanna get out of here,
go home, and take a bath.

Oh, no. I'm not letting that
worm off the hook so easily.

Hell hath no fury

like the wrath of a daughter
of a woman scorned.

Is that how that goes?

Won't you come in,
please.

Thank you.

Hello.

I'm really excited
about the Hamptons this weekend.

Oh.

So you're going away
for the weekend

with your wife.

How low
can a man sink

while my mother
sits at home waiting for you

in her sailor suit?

Angela, do you think
that Joan's my wife?

You couldn't
be more wrong.

Oh! So you're
going away

with someone
else's wife.

Tony, let's get out of here.

We're up to our armpits
in sleaze.

Yeah. And another thing,

I caught you
holding in your stomach

in front of the mirror.

Wait a minute.

Now, Joan
is my housekeeper,

and I am not married.

Well, then why did
you dump my mother?

Is there another woman?

As a matter of fact,
there is.

Joan, could I see
Katherine Anne?

Katherine Anne
is my daughter.

You...

You have a daughter?

Mother never mentioned it.

I never told her.

Why not?

Here she is.

Yeah.

This is
my best girl here.

This is
Katherine Anne Muldoon.

Aw. She's so cute.

Aww.

Coochy-coochy.

Doi-doi-doi-doi.

Oh, eh, Katherine Anne--

what a great name.

But I-I
don't understand.

Why didn't you tell
my mother about her?

[SIGHS]
Well, uh...

I don't know.

I guess, uh...

I was afraid
it would scare her off.

I married
a young woman

who didn't want to be
tied down with children.

Frankly, I think
Mona's the same way.

Wait a minute.
What makes you say that?

I was talking with Mona
last night about us.

It was really lovely up until
she got to the part about kids.

What did she say
about me?

She didn't say
anything about you.

Kids in general.

You are so insecure.

She was telling me she was
happy to be at that point

where she doesn't
have to be tied down.

What if she said okay
to Katherine Anne

just to be a good sport?

Oh, no. You're wrong
about my mother.

She's not
a good sport.
Heh.

Let me tell ya something.
One thing about Mona.

You always know
where you stand.

[BABBLING]

And I'll tell ya
something else, Max.

You could be depriving
this pretty girl

of meeting
one terrific lady.

That's right.
My mother is

sensitive, warm, caring,
and very understanding.

You half-witted,
lamebrain numbskull!

Where do you get off saying
I don't like kids?

You don't know
what I like!

Well, you know some
of the things I like,

but that is
beside the point!

Will you forgive me?

Why should I?
You hurt me.

I don't just give
my heart to anyone.

You think I write my name
on the wall at the Y?

Look, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I hurt you,

and I'm sorry
that I blew our relationship.

Now, there you go,
there you go.

Jumping to
conclusions again.

You mean that you'd give me
a second chance?

It's a good thing you've
got big shoulders, buster,

or I'd cut you loose.

You're beautiful
when you're vicious.

Well, you're not blind,
I'll give you that.

I tell you what.

Why don't we warm up the yacht
and go for a spin this evening.

If we hurry,
we can catch the sunset.

Sounds romantic, but...

Only if we can be alone.

Just you and me.

And Katherine Anne?

Oh, you...Aw.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, come on!

Mm! That was a good hug,
you big lug.

There's a lot more where
that came from, doll.

[GIGGLES]

Okay, we know you're
out there listening.

You might as well
come on in.

Hi there.

What's new?

Here's your baby.

And here's
your bottle.

Yeah, Tony...
I want to thank you.

Aw.
No, for everything.

And I don't hold
my stomach in.

Maybe you should.

Okay, kid, come on.

We'll talk, and we'll
get to know each other,

but if you drool
on my epaulets,

you're off
to boarding school.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Bye-bye.
Have a great time.

Okay.

Bye-bye,
Katie-face.

Bye-bye,
Katie-face.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye, Katie-face.

[♪♪♪]