03x24 - A Moving Episode

[bunniefuu]

♪

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for living ♪

♪ You take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ I found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

[♪♪♪]

[HUMMING]

What's in those?

Well, here we have
Mona's lingerie.

And here we have
the trash.

It's a little tough
to tell the difference.

You know, I cannot believe
she's moving.

Yeah, the hot tomato
goes to the Big Apple.

Yeah. Yeah.

I hope she's going
to be all right.

Giving up her home,

going to work
with Uncle Cornelius,

leaving us.
Yeah.

Oh, it's all so stressful.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.
Is this fun. I love moving day.

She's taking it
a lot worse than I thought.

Is this the trash?
TONY: Yeah, yeah.

Mother, those are
my baby pictures!

There must be some
mistake.

No, no, that's no mistake.
That's you? Cute gums.

Mother, how could you
do this?

Well, I'm sorry, dear,

but I mean, when you're moving
into a hotel suite,

there's no room
for bric-a-brac.

Tony, would you mind
packing this for me?

Oh.
Careful.

Careful.
Oh, don't worry, Mona.

This ain't gonna get--

♪ All shook up, uh-huh ♪

Mona, we cleaned all the junk
out of your bedroom dresser.

Except for one drawer.
It was locked.

What's in there,
Grandma?

[LAUGHS]

We're gonna have Geraldo Rivera
open that for you

when you're 21.

Hey, I'll be there.

[LAUGHS]
You little...

You know, Mona,
I've been thinking.

It's such a shame that your
apartment is going to be empty

when there are so many
deserving people

who need a roof over their head,
and a cordless telephone.

Hey, Sam,
that's a terrific idea.

It is?
Do you have call-waiting?

Now wait a minute,
wait a minute, Samantha.

There's no way you're moving
into Mona's apartment.

Not Sam. You.

Me?
Tony?

Dad? What does he need
his own place for?

Well, everybody needs
a little privacy.

Besides, he's a healthy
young adult.

He might enjoy having other
healthy young adults over.

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, uh-- But I-- But I have
responsibilities here.

Oh, come on,
live a little.

Look, it's a 10-foot
commute.

You can be here in 20 seconds,
even during rush hour.

Well, what do you
think about it, Angela?

Well, I suppose it would be nice
for you to have your own space.

You mean, you wouldn't mind
sleeping alone

in this big house?

[LAUGHS]
I have slept alone before.

Must you air
your clean laundry in public?

Would you stop?

Well, what about you, Sam?

I mean, wouldn't you miss
having your dear old dad

right down the hall?

[LAUGHING]
No way.

I mean-- I mean,
sure I would, Dad.

But it would be a growth
experience.

Come on,
what do you say?

Well, I mean,
hey, I would--

I would get a chance
to think and read,

and, you know, get to know
myself a little better.

Mm-hmm. My Jacuzzi
has six jets.

I like bubbles.

[KEYS JIGGLE]

So, Philly,
what do you think?

Nice touch, huh?

Oh, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony.

Bachelor rule number one:
no flowers.

It ruins the ambiance.

What do you know
about ambiance?

You live at the Y.

But I've done great things
with my locker.

[SCOFFS]

Come on, give me a hand
with that Astro-Lounger.

It weighs a ton.

h*, anybody home?

Oh...
[GRUNTS]

Tiny!
Hey!

You need some help?
Yeah, get out of my way.

Oh, excuse me.

Hey, guys, wait till you
see this.

Look at this here.
It swivels, it tilts.

This thing adjusts
to nine different ways.

Whoa! I think I'm in love.

You know, this place is really
starting to look decent.

But something
is still missing.

The piece
of resistance, huh?

[LAUGHS]

Genuine synthetic.

Oh, that's...
Huh?

That's really nice, Philly.
It's really nice.

It's gonna look nice with those
jungle print dish towels

you got me.

Tony, you got one
love den here.

Hey, you know
what I should do?

To show it off I think I'll give
like a little pad-warming party.

Yeah!

Yeah. Invite the g*ng
from the old neighborhood.

Now, wait a minute. You guys
gotta behave yourselves.

Last time we partied, I spent
a week cleaning footprints

off the ceiling.

Yeah, but these are
a lot higher.

You know, this party
is gonna show the guys

that they were wrong about Tony.
Right.

Wrong about what?

It's not pretty.

Neither are you.
Tell me.

Well, it's just when you moved
to Connecticut

to take up dusting,

word on the street was
you'd gone soft.

Me? Soft?
Okay, what bum said that?

Me.

Oh. Well then, who else?

Hey, don't worry, Tony.
Don't worry, Tony.

You can still prove yourself
with a place like this.

Show those guys you still have
the old Micelli magic.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, remember
the old days?

You'd say the word
"Abracadabra."

I mean, women would pop
right out of thin air.

Hey, those were the days, huh?
[LAUGHS]

Gee, I-- I haven't said
that word in a long time.

Abracadabra.

Yoo-hoo,
anybody home?

It still works!

Oh, hi, Angela.
Come on in.

I bought you
a little welcome present.

Hello, Philly, Teeny.

That's Tiny.

Well, uh, thanks for the flowers
there, Angela.

A violation of bachelor rule
number two:

Never own anything pink.

Oh, except
for Pepto-Bismol.

[LAUGHS]

Well, Angela,
come on in.

Take a look around.
What do you think?

Well, it, uh--

Whoo, it certainly is
eye-catching.

She hates it.
Yeah.

No, it's just that
I always thought

you had more
conservative taste.

That's because you've never seen
this side of me before.

And what side is that?

The wild side.

Badda-boom!

You? Wild? You're the most
responsible person I know.

No, no, no, no.

Well, for your information,
Angela, for your information,

I am throwing a very wild party
this Saturday night

to celebrate
my being on my own.

[ALL LAUGH]

I mean,
if it's okay with you.

[LAUGHS]
Of course it is.

Oh, okay, because I really
want you to make it.

You see, from now on,
it's housekeeper by day

Micelli magic by night.

Abracadabra.

Welcome Wagon.

Amazing!
Amazing!

[THE CHAMPS' "TEQUILA" PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

ALL:
♪ Tequila ♪

Hey, Tony!

Hey, Cookie.
Oh! What's up?

Oh, hey.
Great digs, Tone.

Well, it's not much,

but you know,
I like to call it home.

Hey, you notice
the 'cuzzi's got six jets?

Oh, he's still a wild man.
Ha!

I cannot be caged.

[LAUGHS]

Tiny, Tiny, would you have
some respect?

You know, leopard stains.

So, what's one more spot?

Hardy-har-har.

Look out, everybody.
The party machine has arrived!

All right, Philly!

What's happening, Philly?
What's with the sheet?

Why not?
I got great shoulders.

Toga! Toga! Toga!

What are you doing?
What are you doing?

The neighbors, Philly.

Tony, this is a party.
Now get hearty. Get cool.

All right, I'm hearty.
I'm cool.

Okay.
I'm getting a headache.

Abracadabra.

Get lost, creep.

Maybe you got to be
Italian.

♪ Tequila ♪

Hi, Angela.
[LAUGHS]

Wanna boogie?

No. No thanks, Tiny.

Oh, I understand.

I'll be back
when it's a slow dance.

[WHISTLES]

Angela, Angela.
Oh, am I glad to see you.

I mean, I mean,
I'm glad you could make it.

Well, it's a very
successful party.

Everybody looks like
they're having a good time.

Yeah, yeah, they're--
They're a happy bunch.

TINY:
Tony, Tony, Tony.

You remember
the Futterman twins?

Hi, Tony.
Hi, Tony.

Oh!
TONY: Hi. Hi.

Angela, I'd like you
to meet--

Now wait a minute. Which one's
Sally and which one's Suzy?

This is Sally.

[LAUGHS]

Are you sure?
Maybe I should check.

Get lost, creep.
Get lost, creep.

Bye, Tony.
Bye, Tony.

TONY:
Bye.

I wonder if they do
everything together.

Uh, old friends.

Yeah, yeah, I see your lips
go way back.

[PERCY FAITH'S "THEME FROM
A SUMMER PLACE" PLAYS]

Um...would you
like to dance?

Well, it's either you
or Tiny.

I'm a lot easier
on your toes.

Okay.

You, uh-- You look real nice.
Is that a new dress?

Yeah. You don't think
it's too conservative

for a happening scene
like this?

Nah, it's perfect.
It's perfect.

Hey, hey.

[RECORD NEEDLES SCRATCHES]

Settle down,
ladies and dirtbags!

A few of us guys pitched in
for a special

pad-warming present
for Tony here.

[ALL CHEER]

All right,
all right, already!

Let's see what I got
for my two bucks.

Okay, okay, okay,
and without further ado...

Hit it, Shalimar!

[ALL CHEER]

[MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYS]

[CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY]

Oh...

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, no, Angela,
where are you going?

Just-- Really, I don't want
to leave the festivities,

but I've got work to do.

Oh, that's all?
Here, let me walk you home.

Oh, no,
that's all right.

I don't want you
to leave your party.

Oh, no, you know, you seen one--
One veil, you've seen them all.

[CHUCKLES]
Excuse me.

Hey, guys, keep the ceiling
clean, huh?

Yo! Hey, Philly, come on.
It's your turn.

Are you kidding? I'm not wearing
anything under this.

No one will notice.

[MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, thank you
for a lovely party.

You're welcome.
You're a lovely guest.

I mean, you didn't eat anything,
you didn't drink anything.

I don't think
you stole anything.

Well, see you
in the morning.

Okay, good night.

Oh, hey, Angela, you know,
speaking of morning,

maybe tomorrow I make something
special for breakfast, huh?

Juice and coffee
will be just fine.

Good night.

Oh, hey, Angela.
Yes?

You know, uh, if you need me,
I'm 10 feet away.

I'll be here,
you know...

I know, I know.
Now, you go back to your party.

You have a good time.

Hey, how could I miss?
Are you kidding?

Well, good night...again.

Good night.

[DOOR CLOSES AND BOLTS]

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

Oh, it's no fun
without Tony around.

Well, sweetheart,
I miss him too,

but you know we could
have fun together.

Want to go to the movies?

With my mother?

Come on, come on.

We'll go to the multiplex.
I'll sit in a different aisle.

In a different theater?

All right.

You see?
We are a fun couple.

Hey.
JONATHAN: Tony!

TONY: Hey!
Hi, neighbor.

I just came by to pick up
my jacket. Hey, buddy.

You want to go
to the movies with us, Tony?

We don't have to sit
with Mom.

[ANGELA LAUGHS]

Jonathan, I'm sure Tony has more
exciting things to do

on a Friday night
than be with us.

Sorry, pal of mine,
but I do have some plans.

You do?
TONY: Uh, yeah.

Philly and I, we're going out
for a big night on the town.

Again? What do you do
every night?

Well, a lot of fun things.

Hey, guy things.

I can't wait
till I'm a guy.

Oh. Hi, Dad.

Bye, Dad.

Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Where you going?

To Bonnie's.

Oh. Okay, you can go.

I know.
Angela already told me.

Yeah, well, be back by 11.

I know.
Angela already told me.

Can I have a hug,
or did Angela already do that?

Mwah.

See you later, Angela.
See you tomorrow, Dad.

[DOOR CLOSES]
Hmm.

So...hey what movie
are you guys going to see?



Oh, I love that movie.

Aw, tonight's
the last night.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Well, hey, I guess I'm off
to do my guy things, huh?

[HORN HONKING]
All right, all right.

Hey, keep your pants on!

Oh, it's just a figure of--

Never mind.

Oh, hey, Philly,
it was not my fault.

Oh, yeah?

Those chicks
were plenty hot on us,

especially the one with the
little hearts on her stockings.

Those were not hearts.
Those were tattoos.

Who cares? We both could
have had nights to remember.

But you had
to tell the blond

that she didn't know
how to make shrimp scampi.

Hey, I'm not interested
in anyone

who doesn't use
fresh garlic.

Last night, you weren't
interested in the stewardess

because she vacuumed with a
canister instead of an upright.

I got high standards.

What are you, the Good
Housekeeping Seal of Approval?

You know, we used to have
good times.

But I think the guys are right.
You've changed.

Don't say that, Philly.

I am still the same
old wild man I always was.

Hey, hey, want to watch
Little House on the Prairie?

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING
OVER TV]

I wonder if Michael Landon's
hair is real.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[TURNS TV OFF]
Tony...

[SCREAMS]

I'm sorry, Philly.

Hey, that's okay.
I have that effect on ladies.

Oh. Please come in.

Well, gosh, I thought you
two guys were out on the town.

Is anything wrong?

It's Tony.

Oh, my God.
What happened?

I'm afraid he's not making it
as a wild man.

Oh! Oh, you had me scared.

Well, it is scary.
I mean, right now he's up there

watching Little House
on the Prairie.

Well, I thought you two were out
doing guy things every night.

Yeah, but we're not doing it
with any women.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Tell me about it.

Hey, let me ask you
something, Angela.

Um, are you and Tony...

well, how can I put this
delicately?

Are you doing
the horizontal mambo?

I beg your pardon?

Is there something
between you and Tony that--

That I don't know about?

No, of course not.

[LAUGHS]
I didn't think so.

I mean, you and Tony.

I just can't
figure it out.

He's got me worried.

He's acting like
a homesick puppy.

You know, Philly,

you are a very good friend
to Tony,

and a surprisingly
sensitive man.

Well, that's what my parole
officer says.

[THEME FROM BONANZA
PLAYING OVER TV]

[TURNS OFF TV]

Good night, Little Joe.

[SIGHS]

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Oh, Tony. What are you
doing home so early?

Well, I just
walked in the door.

You know,
Philly pooped out.

Yeah, well, the reason
I'm calling, Angela,

is, you know, the pilot light
went out on the stove today,

and I'm not sure I relit it.

So I thought maybe
I'd come over and check.

Well, I'm-- I'm right here.
Just a sec.

No, no, it-- It's fine.
But thanks.

Well, okay.
You know, I was--

I was just a little worried.
But now I'm not.

Okay. Good night.
Good night to you too. Yeah.

[BLOWS]

[♪♪♪]

Oh, thank you.

It is the weirdest thing.

One minute it was on,
and the next minute, boom,

it was off.

Well, boom,
now it's on.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Well, since it's on,
would you like a cup of tea?

Oh, sure. I'll make it.

No. No, it's after hours.
You are my guest.

And I can boil water.

Well, hey,
knock yourself out.

So far, so good.

[BOTH LAUGH]

You know, I just realized
how nice this kitchen is.

Well, Mother's kitchen
is nice too.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's nice and cozy.

But it's not like this one,
you know.

I mean, it's not-- It doesn't
have all the light,

and the plants,
and that nice little spoon rest

on the stove there.

You know, Tony,
I was thinking--

Oh no, Angela,
I couldn't take your spoon rest.

[LAUGHING]
No.

Um, what I mean was--

You know, sure,
tonight it was the pilot light,

but, you know,
it could have been a prowler.

And, I mean, what if the kids
needed you

in the middle of the night?

Or I couldn't find
my furry slippers?

They're in your closet,
second shelf on the left.

You see?
No, uh, I think, Tony,

that maybe it's best if you move
back into the house.

Now I know-- I know how much
your bachelor life means to you,

and I know how much it would
mean asking you to give this up.

Yeah, well, I would be
giving up a lot, you know.

I'd be giving up
a great apartment.

Got to cut down
on all those wild nights.

I was still hoping to find
that key to Mona's drawer.

But, hey, if it would make you
feel better...

It would.
It really would.

Well, hey,
you're the boss.

[KETTLE WHISTLES]

Oh.
Oh, no, no, hey.

I think now that I'm back,
this is my job, isn't it? Huh?

[WHISTLING STOPS]

All right.

You know, uh,
I noticed in the paper

that they held over


Would you like
to go with me Saturday?

I'll let you sit with me.

Okay.
Okay.

Yeah, that's a...

It's-- It's a great film,
you know?

I love the part when the little
Dalmatians all get home,

back where they belong.

That's my favorite part.

Mine too.

[WHISPERS] Tony--
What the...?

Did you hear
something too?

No, Angela. I'm out here
checking for termites.

Well, Tony, maybe it's
the chain saw m*rder*r.

[SCOFFS]

Angela, you've been watching
way too many movies.

[WHIRRING]
[GASPS]

Angela, hold me.

Drop that...

Oster-izer?

Mother?

Mona?

Protein drink, anyone?

Mother, what are
you doing here?

Why aren't you at the hotel?

My brother and I have finally
come to an agreement.

We disagree
about everything.

Besides, I've decided if I'm
going to have to spend my life

with somebody
who drives me nuts,

it might as well be you.

Oh, Mother,
that's the sweetest thing

you ever said to me.

[LAUGHS]
Oh, this is--

This is great!
Whoa!

I'm so happy.
I'm so happy, Mona.

But there is one thing I guess
I should tell you:

there's some footprints
on your ceiling.

Oh, you found them.

[♪♪♪]