03x13 - Jonathan Kills Tony

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for living ♪

♪ You take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ Open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ Brand new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found a trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand new life ♪

♪ Brand new life ♪

♪ A brand new life
Around the bend ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Romeo and Juliet ♪

[HUMMING]

♪ Samson and Delilah ♪

Hey, Tony!

Hey, what do you say,
kid?

Tony, some time,
when you're making cookies,

can I invite
Jenny over?

Oh...
Jenny Wittener, huh?

That's pretty smart,
you know,

because the road to love
is paved with chocolate chips.

Yeah.
So can I?

Anytime, buddy,
anytime.

Come on in.

Well, you work fast.

Hello Jenny.
Hi, Mr. Micelli.

Oh, Jonathan,
what a gentleman,

you're gonna pull out
the chair for the lady.

Oh yeah, here Jenny.
Take a seat.

Thank you,
Jonathan.

Jonathan.

I don't think you have to
cut the little lady's head off.

Sorry.

Can I offer you
a cookie?

And a nice glass of milk
to wash it down with.

Oh, Mr. Micelli,
these are divine.

Oh well, what can I say?
You know,

before he knew me,
Amos wasn't famous.

[LAUGHS]

Where you going?
What?

I'm gonna give you time to get
to know each other, right?

Yeah. Alone?

Ah, come on, come on,
take it easy, huh?

Be a cool dude,
in a loose mood.

[TONY CHUCKLES]

So, Jenny,
a cool dude like me,

a loose girl
like you...

[CUP CLATTERS]

Samantha. Samantha!
Wouldn't you rather

do your homework up in your
room, where you have

a nice desk and a chair?
That's so uncomfortable.

Tony?

Do I smell walnut
chocolate chip cookies?

You know you're the only person
I know that can smell walnuts.

No, no, no,
it's off limits.

What do you mean?
Jonathan and Jenny are having

are having, like,
a romantic snack.

Oh, that's darling.
My little boy,

the first stirrings
of puppy love.

Hope they don't eat
all the cookies.

Don't worry, Angela,
I saved you some.

Thank you.
Okay.

Oh hey, Mona,
how was obedience school?

Terrific, Grover's at
the top is his class, watch.

Heel.

Good boy!

Does he know his shoes
or what?

Yeah.

Hi, Mom.
Hi.

Can I go to the movies
next Saturday?

ANGELA:
Well, sure.

Can I have enough
money for two?

For two?
Way to go, Jonathan!

All right!

You're taking Jenny
to the movies?

Stand back,
I hear a gusher coming.

Oh, sweetheart!
It's your first date!

There she blows.
Oh!

You are growing up
so fast,

it seems like only yesterday
you were eating pureed carrots,

and I was changing
your diapers.

Oh, gross.

Pretty soon you're going
to be going off to college.

Getting married,

starting a family.
Take it easy, Angela, huh?

Pretty soon you'll have
that kid in a rest home.

Tony, before I go out
on this date,

could you just tell me
one thing?

Anything.

How do I ask her?

Hm, well, I'm gonna tell you
what my dad told me.

A woman likes a man
who respects her,

all right?
He says what's on his mind,

and he's open
and direct.

And if that doesn't work, beg.

You knew my father?

I'm glad you two
are taking this so lightly,

but your first date
is a very serious matter.

I want this to go right.
Now...

Asking girls out.

Let's outline this.

Number one,

When you are planning a date,
always make sure

to give the lady
a couple of choices.

Yeah, yeah, like A,
she's going, and B, she ain't.

What, are you kidding me?
Take it easy, please Angela,

you're gonna make
the kid uptight.

I am not.

I'm just trying to build up
his confidence, I mean,

if he gets rejected,
the emotional scars could

last the rest
of his life.

Thanks a lot, Mom.

I...

Oh, she's good.

You're good.

Jenny...

I believe in being
open and direct,

so, A, do you want to
go to the movies Saturday,

or B, do you want to
forget the whole thing?

Well, let me see,
Saturday...

Saturday, the 12th,




Yes, I'm free.

Well, it's a date, then.
Okay. Bye, see you.

All right!

[KEYS JINGLE]

See? I told you
he wouldn't be on the couch.

[BLOWS KISS]

For once.

Hello?

Hello?
Anybody home?

Hello?

Guess they're not back
from the movies, yet.

Oh...

Jonathan was so nervous
when he left for the date.

Well, I don't wonder,

you were ironing his pants
on the way out the door.

I think a man's crease
is very important.

It's the first place
I always look.

Oh...

Hope the date
is going well.

Oh, don't worry,
he has Tony with him,

he'll show him the ropes.
Yeah, I know.

so glad Jonathan has a man
like Tony to talk to

at a time like this.

After all,

that's why I brought
Tony here.

Who brought him here?

Well, you found him,
but I hired him.

Hm, but I had the vision
and the foresight

to know how well he would
work with my grandson.

And how capable he would be
in every other way.

And how great he'd look
with his shirt off.

[DOOR OPENS]
TONY: What do you say,

we're back, hey.
Hi!

Hi. How as The Attack
of the Laser Lizards?

We saw
Sleeping Beauty.

TONY:
Heh, heh.

Jonathan saw
Sleeping Beauty?

It was Jenny's choice.
Give me your coat, pal.

I thought the acting
was quite good.

Oh, it was great,
I had the best time.

Oh yes,
it's very romantic

when a young girl finds
her Prince Charming.

Yeah, Mr. Micelli let me ride in
the front seat of the car.

I rode in back.

Jonathan,
you're interrupting.

Then when we
got there,

Mr. Micelli bought me
some Goobers.

I got popcorn.

Sorry.

Well, it sounds like you all
had a wonderful time.

Oh yeah,
it was a biggie,

you know, I never thought
that princess was gonna wake up.

[ANGELA LAUGHS]
Hey look,

I gotta go because I don' think
I can stand any more excitement.

Oh, you're so cute.

[ANGELA LAUGHS]

[LAUGHING]
Oh! Well...

Guess you don't need me
hanging around here.

I guess I'll just go,

somewhere else.

Is your mom okay?

Yeah, that's the way she is.

What do you wanna
do now, Jenny?

I don't know,

You wanna play with
my reptile collection?

I've got a new
South American tree lizard.

I'm thinking of branching off
into primates,

but I haven't asked
my mom yet.

Jenny?

Jenny!

Oh! Hey,
wait a minute, there.

You're all fogged up,
let me de-fog you.

[IMITATES SQUEAKING NOISE]

Boy, you can do anything.

Oh, you know, I'm a little weak
on nuclear physics.

Where's Jonathan?

Playing with his lizards.
Uh-huh.

Jenny,
where'd you go?

Into the kitchen.

Oh, right, well, do you
wanna play with my lizards?

No, I have to go.
Thanks a lot, Jonathan.

And you, too,
Mr. Micelli.

I had a wonderful time.

I'll remember this day
for the rest of the week.

Aw.

How am I doing, Tony?

I really want her
to like me.

Well, I'll tell you what.
Why don't you walk her

to the end of the driveway,
show her you really care.

Yeah! Tony,
you've got great ideas.

If you think these are good,
what until you're 11.

[LAUGHS]

I love that little kid.

ANGELA:
Tony. Tony!

How's my little
Casanova doing?

Fine, thanks.

You mean Jonathan,
he's outside right now,

he's doing good.
He's out there right now?

Yeah, yeah, why?
What are you gonna do?

You gonna spy on them?
Uh-huh!

Angela!

Don't hog
the window.

Oh, they're so cute!

Look at that
kid's swagger.

Yeah, where would he
pick up something like that?

Chip off the ol'
housekeeper.

[GASPS]
He's gonna kiss her!

Nope!
He missed.

I know where
he got that from.

Oh, look! They're coming,
they're coming.

Hurry up!

[SIGHS]

I really blew it.

Sweetheart,
what's wrong?

I think I struck out.

I tried to kiss Jenny,
but she didn't kiss me back.

Oh, honey, I just think
your timing was little off.

Yeah, next time try kissing
her when she's facing you.

Well, I don't know if there's
gonna be a next time.

I don't even know
if she likes me.

Oh, sure she does.

Well, she hardly talked
to me at the movie.

Jonathan,
it's a movie,

you're not supposed to talk,
and anyway,

didn't I see her whisper
something in your ear?

She asked me to chew
with my mouth closed.

Honey,
I know she likes you.

Sometimes, girls are just
a little shy,

but she'll find a way
to let you know how she feels.

Bingo. Bingo!

She left her
organizer here.

So?
So!

So, this is just
like a woman,

she left this here, so you could
bring it back to her.

Really?
Sure! Are you kidding me?

This happens to me
all the time.

although usually with me,
it's an article--

Never mind,
Jonathan.

Tony's right, I bet she's over
there waiting for you right now.

Yeah, here you go, buddy,
go over there and get it.

Tony, how could you
do this to me?

I hate you,
I wish you were dead!

Jonathan!
Jonathan, I didn't do...

ANGELA:
"Jenny loves Tony."

I never should have bought
her them Goobers.

[♪♪♪]

Here's Tony,
and here's Jenny.

Oh look,
they're going to the movies.

Are you two having fun?

Ah, Jenny, the chandelier
is falling on your boyfriend.

Too bad.

Watch out for the piano!

Jon--Jonathan?

What do you want?
Jenny's phone number?

Jonathan, Tony and I
want to talk to you.

Yeah, look,
come on, pal.

You're not my pal.
You stole Jenny.

Well, I didn't mean to,
Jonathan.

Yes you did! You let her
sit in the front seat,

you bought her Goobers,
you even made her cookies.

You know what those chocolate
chips could do to a woman!

Jonathan,
I made those cookies for you.

Yeah, sure,
sell it to someone else.

Jonathan.

Tony would never do
anything to hurt you.

Now let's talk
about this.

Not with him here.
Jonathan!

No, no,
it's all right, I...

I'm out of here.

I know you're upset,

but this is not
Tony's fault.

You know, sometimes, little
girls get crushes on older men.

Did you?

As a matter of fact,
when I was a little girl,

I was madly in love
with Dr. Kildare.

And Ben Casey.

And Roy Rogers,
and...

little Joe Cartwright,

President Kennedy,
Howdy Doody.

Mom, he's a puppet!

Well, I know,
but he was cute.

Anyway,

the point is, sometimes,
people think they're in love

and it's really
just a crush.

But when you have
real love,

between friends,
like you and Tony,

you don't want to throw
that away.

You understand
what I'm saying?

Yeah,

and I never wanna
see him again.

Jonathan.

Tony is a part
of our family.

Yeah, well,
either he goes,

or I go.

[♪♪♪]

♪ The sun from shining ♪

♪ What makes
The world go 'round ♪

♪ How can you mend ♪

♪ This broken man ♪

♪ How can a loser ever win ♪

[JONATHAN SCREAMS]

Jonathan?
Is that you under there?

What are you doing?

Camping out.

Here, let me help
you with this.

I'm used to this stuff,

in Brooklyn, I used to
camp out on the fire escape.

Sam?
Yeah?

Have you ever been in love?

Oh, sure,
thousands of times.

It only happened
to me once,

but it's over.

Oh, with Jenny? Oh,
she's so cute and so nice.

She went for
another guy.

Dump her,
she's trash.

Who is this creep,
anyway?

Well, if I told you,

you'd just take
his side.

Oh, no, I wouldn't, Jonathan,
he stole your girl.

Well, I just wish,
I could beat him up.

but he's bigger
than me.

Want me to beat him up?

No! Uh,
he's bigger than you, too.

That doesn't matter.

It's not size,
it's smarts.

Haven't you ever heard of
David and Goliath?

Sounds familiar,
do they go to your school?

No...

See, Goliath was this
big bully,

and David was this puny
little runt guy.

Kind of like you.

I think he was
semi-popular.

So, what happened?

Well, Goliath was picking on
all of David's friends,

and David got
sick of it.

and David was too small
to beat up on him,

so David got
a slingshot,

and bam right
between the eyes!

Wow.

After that,
David got really popular,

and he started dating
the head cheerleader,

Beth Sheba.

[SNIFFS]

Oh, now this smells good.

This ought to bring
that kid running.

Five...

four...

three...

two...

one...

Do I smell
banana bread?

This ain't just banana bread,
it's bait.

I'm trying to lure
Jonathan back to the house.

Well, it worked
for me,

but it's not working
for Jonathan.

He just went back into his tent
and dropped his flap.

I've never seen him like this,
I don't know what to do.

Well,

I don't know about you,
Tony,

but a little banana bread
always helps me

to put things
in perspective.

I'm sorry, Mona,
of course, here you go.

Aren't you going
to have some?

Nah.

I'm not hungry.

I just feel terrible.

Feel like I wrecked
that kid's whole life.

Oh, Tony,
you didn't

wreck his whole life,

just his childhood.

You know, Mona,
all my life it's been this way.

I get close to a guy,

and this woman
falls for me.

[SCOFFS]
And then I lose a friend.

Well,
it's understandable,

I mean, you're an attractive guy
with a great personality,

and a body
that won't quit.

It's tough, I know.

I have the same problem.

You have trouble
keeping girl friends?

Yeah.

But who needs them?

Well, Jonathan's one friend
that I need.

Well, then what are you doing
sitting in here,

stuffing your face
with banana bread?

Get out there
and patch things up.

He said he wanted
to be alone.

He's a 10-year-old kid,
what does he know?

Good point.

Let me have
some of that.

TONY:
Jonathan?

Jonathan?

Oh, come on,
Jonathan,

come out of there,
I wanna talk to ya.

Jonathan...

Jonathan?

Hey Jonathan,
where are ya?

JONATHAN:
Behind you,
Micelli.

Jonathan,
don't do that.

Don't ever point
a slingshot at somebody,

somebody could get hurt.

Yeah,
that's the idea.

Now, Jonathan,

give me that.

[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]

JONATHAN:
Got ya! Bam,
right between the eyes.

Guess I showed you,
huh, Tony?

Tony?

Come on, Tony,
I was just trying to scare you.

Tony?

Oh, come on, Tony.

Oh, please, Tony,
I didn't mean it.

You can have Jenny!

Oh, please, Tony,
don't be dead!

Please don't be dead,
come on, please don't be dead.

Wake up, Tony,
come on, wake up!

Wake up, Tony,
wake up!

Wake up, Tony, wake up!
TONY: Jonathan!

Jonathan! Jonathan,
come here.

Come here, Jonathan,
easy, easy.

You're having a bad dream.
[MUMBLES]

Oh, Tony,
you're not dead!

Oh, I'm so glad
you're here.

Oh, so then,
you're not mad at me anymore?

Oh yeah, I forgot,
I'm mad at you.

Well, what I mean is,
I wanna be mad at you,

but I can't.

Look, Jonathan, I'm sorry things
didn't work out with Jenny.

Well, at least she dumped me
for a guy like you,

and not Howdy Doody.

Yeah.

You know,

I would never do
anything to hurt you, buddy.

I know.

Tony, you're the best
friend I've got,

and I'm never gonna
k*ll you again.

That's aces with me,
heh-heh-heh.

All right, sit down here,
I wanna tell you somethin'.

You know we did
something terrible,

we let a girl
come between us.

Oh, yeah!

I don't want to have anything
to do with girls again.

Yeah, you know, I felt that way
myself many times, many times,

but I got over it.

With the help of
Trixie DiMatto.

And some day, you'll find
your Trixie, too.

No rush.
[LAUGHS]

Give me some skin,
all right, huh?

I'll tell you
what we're gonna do,

tonight we're gonna stay out
here all night, just guys,

roughin' it.
All right!

And we won't have to
take a bath or anything!

No baths!
[BOTH LAUGH]

ANGELA:
Oh!

You made up.

I knew that you would.

It's so sweet.

It reminds me of that time
that Kathy Winthrop

and I had this terrible,
terrible fight.

JONATHAN:
Goodnight, Tony.

TONY:
Goodnight, Jonathan.

Mother? Do you remember
the time that Kathy Winthrop

and I had--

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[DOOR OPENS]
ANGELA: Rise and shine!

It's a beautiful morning,

the birds are singing,

[GASPS]
the great outdoors.

[TONY GROANS]

Well, hello there,
how did you sleep?

Like this.

[GROANS]

Oh, I hope Jonathan
slept better than me.

Well he certainly did,
he came up stairs around 10:00,

and I tucked him
into his bed.

All cozy
and comfortable.

He's not...

I slept out here
for nothing?

Oh, no, think of it
as an adventure,

and in that spirit, I've brought
you a hearty pioneer breakfast.

Quiche, croissants,
and café au lait.

Pioneers?
Okay, French pioneers.

[♪♪♪]