03x25 - The Bachelor Party

[bunniefuu]

Fellas, move this back

So the strippers have plenty of room

To do their thing, dawg.

I'm too near ya not to hear ya.

Straight up.

Hey, martin, look,

This is your bachelor party.

Don't you worry about a thing.

Cole's getting the girls.

I hope they fine, 'cause you know how cole likes them--

Thick in the waist, takin' up space.

Don't worry about it.

All right. Let me call my baby,

See how her party's coming along.

Yeah.

Ahh.

Uhh.

Yeah, yeah.

Hello.

Whaz happenin', bertha butt boogie?

Where my woman at?

You should know not to use the word "at"

At the end of a sentence.

Work that out, fifth-grade education.

Put my woman on the phone,

All right, nap-a-lee cole?

Just hold on.

You hold on.

Gina, come over here.

It's your man.

Tell him don't be calling my house all the time.

You tell her nobody calling--

Hello, honey.

Hey, baby, I miss you.

I miss you, too. What's happenin'?

Just waiting for some entertainment pammy hooked up.

Yeah. Tommy hooked up some entertainment.

I think he got some, uh...

Magicians or something coming through.

Make some things disappear.

Here come cole with the stanks.

Talk to you soon.

Hey, look here, martin,

It's about to be on up in here.

Hit the music.

Hit the music.

[Dance music plays]

Oh, ladies!

Come on, up!

I--i--i gets busy with mine.

Y-y-yeah. Ha ha.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

* Lawrence **

We're going in three minutes,

All right, ladies,

Let's get this party started, o.k.?

Time to open the gifts.

Please, gifts for me?

You guys shouldn't have done that,

But since you did, bring 'em on, bring 'em on.

[Rapping on door]

Wait a minute.

* Yeah! *

Ha ha ha ha!

* Laquita lumpkins *

* And her home girl keylolo *

* In the hizzouse **

What are y'all doing here?

Excuse me?

What are we doing here?

We came to represent,

Because it's obvious that the bougie posse

Ain't got no flava.

Where's your girl sheneneh?

What, she robbing a liquor store?

So she'll have enough money

To help you get your teeth fixed.

At least all of mine are one color,

Old yellow.

She can't say that.

Hey!

Hey! Hey!

This is my party.

Can't y'all get along for one time, please?

Act like a role model.

I can't role model for them.

Look at them.

Whatever.

Hey, hey, hey! How y'all?

Ooh ooh ooh ooh!

Girl, that's a pretty dress.

Why don't you go look at yourself in a mirror?

Yeah, get on up.

Anyway, as I was saying

Before I was so rudely interrupted,

Let's get to opening the gifts.

O.k.

Here, open mine first.

It's a little something

To take on the honeymoon.

Girl, what is this?

Those are edible underwear.

Don't play innocent.

She knows she's a freak.

Oh, please. I am not a freak.

I never had strawberry before.

Uh-uh!

Uh-uh-uh-uh!

Why are you so loud?

This is from me and sheneneh.

Here you go.

She at her hair show in chicago,

But she still wouldn't have been here

'Cause she don't like you.

Batteries?

What am I supposed to do with these?

Oh, girl, you so crazy.

You put them in your love appliances

For when he slows down,

'Cause these keep going...

And going...

And going...

And going.

Y'all are nasty.

Yo, g...

This is from me--

Something you and martin can both use.

Oh, that is so sweet.

"Emotion lotion"?

Uh, keylolo,

The bottle's half-empty.

Sorry.

My man came over last night,

And we was on till the break of dawn.

[Gina] thank you anyway.

O.k. All right.

Now, as I was saying,

The fun hasn't even started yet.

Oh, hey, you know what?

I don't want a nasty stripper

All up in my face.

Now, gina,

You should know me better than that.

I wouldn't get you a nasty stripper.

I got you... The b*mb stripper!

You didn't like that?

You wasn't with that?

They got experience, bro.

Remember this--

One day, you going to get married,

And I'm throwing your bachelor party,

And I'll have weezy jefferson taking it all off.

Weezy all up in here.

Cole going right now to get the real girls.

Uh, right.

Back up off me.

But, uh, y'all have to admit--

The one with the hearing aid...

Had back.

Hey, we got everything all under control, dawg.

I ain't worried about no stripper.

Long as I got my fellas, it's cool.

We just hangin', right?

No. This is your bachelor party.

You should be having fun,

Letting your hair down.

[Knock on door]

Your bald-headed a*s

Ain't going to be letting nothing down.

That's how you said it.

What's up, man?

I didn't know full force was making a comeback.

If cole sent you, it ain't that kind of party.

This is my boy dontae.

We work out at the same gym.

Something you want to tell me, tommy?

Hey, tommy, who's the little man?

"Who's the little man"?

Little man will whup your little a*s.

It's all right. He's cool.

It'll be all right.

He's all right, o.k.?

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be dancing at gina's party.

I lost the address.

Whoa. You mean this is the dancer

That's supposed to dance at my baby's party?

Let me give you the address.

What you want to do--

Go down the hall, make a left, then a right,

Then make another left, and hang your a*s out on the corner,

'Cause you won't be shaking jack in my baby's face.

Step.

Step.

[Sucking air]

What am I supposed to do now?

I told pam I'd send them a dancer.

Old marty-mar got a dancer for y'all a*s.

On the count of three,

I want y'all to say, "set it off, baby."

, , !

Set it off, baby!

[Music plays]

Bro man, what are you doing here?

Nothing...

Just getting my strip on.

Listen up, y'all.

I can't think of a better way

Of spending my last days...

As a single man

Than kicking it with my partners,

Just hanging out.

What's up with your little black book?

Why don't you let me get at that?

What's the matter, thick eyes?

You running low on stanks?

Well, yeah.

You used to have all the honeys.

Well, I got to tell you,

I ain't used it in about three years.

I don't even know if I can find it.

Let me see...

Bam!

Found it.

Yeah, but let me drop a little something on you.

If you see a name with four stars,

Don't mess with it.

She'll put it on you,

On you.

All right.

Fellas, can I have the floor, please?

Thank you.

Today's a very emotional day for me.

My main man is going out,

So in honor of his last few days of freedom,

We retire his jersey.

Yo. Yo.

Let me tell you,

Y'all cold, man.

Ain't going to be like that.

Nothing going to change when I get married.

It's still going to be good.

Give me a beer.

After you get married, the party's over.

Man, please, please.

After my uncle got married,

He couldn't stand to look at his old lady

'Cause she went from all that

To straight up whack.

Happens when they start popping out them babies.

You know what, man?

Y'all just scared of responsibility.

I want me a couple junior marty-mars running around.

I probably want me two or three.

I don't care.

I loves the kids.

It starts off with two or three,

And then you end up having one every week.

You know, nipsey,

You think you know it all, don't you,

But how the hell you going to have a baby every week?

You can.

They just don't tell you that while you single.

Nah, nah, nah, nah.

It ain't going to be like that.

It ain't going to be like that at all.

[Babies crying]

Gina.

O.k. There you go.

All right.

Oh. Eww.

Gina, could you please do something

With these brats?

Girl, please. I'm so used to that.

You'll see

If you ever trap tommy into marrying you.

Daddy's home.

Hey, martin.

You know what?

You looking kinda good these days.

You think so, pam?

Psych.

Get out of my way,

Loser.

How do you manage it?

I don't know.

Pam sure stayed fine after all these years.

She got it all through there.

[Garbled] come here, baby.

Give me the luscious.

Oh, baby, please.

No, no, not--

Not with the lights on.

Baby, please.

You'd better get used to it,

'Cause you're stuck with me forever.

Give me the paycheck

And take these children,

'Cause I'm tired of dealing with this by myself.

What the hell?

$?

What you been doing?

Th-that's back pay.

There ain't no back pay.

$.

Uh, look here, baby.

I been working five jobs.

I'm kind of tired.

I was hoping I could rest.

Boy, you complain a lot.

I know you ain't say you was tired.

Did you say you was tired?

Yeah, I'm tired.

No, you ain't tired.

Tired? Should have thought about that

Before you was knocking me up.

sh**t.

Damn! My water broke,

And I didn't even know I was pregnant.

Messing with you.

It's going to be like this forever.

Oh, man.

[Garbled]

[Babies crying]

Ohh!

Ohh!

Wh-what you say, tommy?

I said, the strippers are taking forever.

Yeah.

I didn't think his slow a*s would ever finish dancing.

Y'all got to admit,

Martin sending brother man to strip for us was funny.

He sure got us. Heh.

He probably over there with them freaks

Bumping and grinding.

You know men.

Martin didn't even want a stripper.

I heard tommy and cole

Was going to give him a magician.

Gina, please, you are so naive.

What?

Yes, you are.

Girlfriend, you turn your head,

And men look at every little hoochie in town.

I know that's right.

Martin loves me, o.k.?

He wouldn't disrespect me.

Uh-uh-uh. Gina, look,

Don't fool yourself, o.k.?

You just give martin another five years.

I think that's enough.

Five years, and it'll be over.

Oh.

Oh!

Hold on, girl.

Hold on. Slow down.

I'm sorry.

It's just that I've missed you, big daddy.

Yeah, o.k., Well-- and I've missed you.

* La la la la *

That's my wife.

You said you weren't married.

I-i-i'm not, but she is.

Step in there.

Just tuck it in, tuck it in.

* Tra la la la la **

Hey!

Honey, I'm home.

I thought you were out of town on business.

Oh, martin!

Oh, I just wanted to come home.

I wanted to be with you.

Did you?

Aw!

Oh, wait a minute.

Huh?

Sweetheart, this is odd.

Whose coat is this?

Uh...

Yours.

It's your birthday.

Happy birthday.

It's your birthday.

Yeah, it's your birthday.

Happy birthday.

[Crack]

What's taking you so long, mr. Goodbar?

Who is that?

Uh, she's just here to fix the cable.

Uh, the cable fixed?

Cable all done?

Then step this way.

Nice to meet you.

It's o.k. This way.

Nice to meet you.

Tell your people at the cable place, "hey."

Uh...

Martin, baby, how long do I have to stay in here?

Are you finished?

Clean everything up in there?

Good. Thank you for coming.

Check's in the mail. Step on out.

Who was that?

That was the maid.

See, I hired her

To give you some help around here, baby.

You are so good to me.

I love you.

Mmm!

I love you.

Thank you.

Gina.

What? What'd you say?

What the hell's wrong with you?

I'm not going out like a sucker.

I need to handle some business at my house,

And I need some backup.

I'm with you.

Let's go.

When them girls going to get here?

I've got to get my shag repermed.

O.k., Look, y'all.

It's about to be on for real this time.

Yo. Hit the music, all right?

Introducing...

Vanessa the undresser

And buck-wild belinda.

How you like me now?

Oh, yeah! Whoo!

Which one of you is the groom-to-be?

Don't pay any attention to the fellas.

I can't have y'all up on me.

My wife-to-be won't allow that.

Oh, ladies,

Martin, my partner here, is a little shy.

Go ahead.

Don't be shy.

Damn.

Y'all damn sure got the skills to pay the bills.

Don't do that.

Y'all going to make it bust out on me.

Come on now.

Come on now, don't do that.

Aah!

Psst.

Psst.

Psst!

Aaahh...

Damn!

Whoo!

[Babbling]

These your magicians, martin?

They do know magic.

Begone.

Eh, heh heh heh...

You need to come meet me in the bedroom.

Uh...

Uh...

Don't touch me.

Your hands already got me in trouble.

Oh, damn.

Gina, baby, it's not what you think.

I know what it looks like...

Martin, this is your bachelor party.

I expected you to have strippers,

But I'll be damned

If I'm having women coming out of my closet

With whips and chains.

All right, baby. O.k.

I'm not going to be living like that.

I ain't trying to be living like that.

You know?

That ain't even me.

But, look, gina,

What's up with you having five babies

And taking all my money

And my paychecks.

I come home and I'm unhappy

And I'm just rocking babies...

What are you talking about?

Where'd you get that idea?

Tommy and them said when you get married--

Oh, oh, oh. Tommy?

"Tommy and them"?

"- Days"?

They said babies--

Martin, you listening to your friends now?

O.k., O.k., O.k. Hold on.

You're not just going to blame one side.

Wait a minute, gina.

Where'd you get the idea

Of me chasing all these women?

Pam is a very influential--

She was talking to me...

Your rogue dog pam.

Yeah, she is wrong.

Look at us, gina.

Our friends got us all crazy

About nothing, baby.

They got us tripping on things they're talking about.

They really do.

What are we going to do?

You know, this party is not for us.

It's for them.

We are going to be partying

For the rest of our lives,

You and me.

That's where I want to be.

That's where I want to be, too.

Let's get this party started.

Wait.

Maybe I better go back out

And help them with the strippers.

No! No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no?

If anybody is going to be stripping around here,

It's going to be you and me.

Oh, o.k.

It's your bachelor party. I expected them--

Damn.

Damn.

Here we go.

* Try again *

Come on.

* We're gonna try again *

* Try again *

* Try again *

* Try again *

* Go for it *

* One more time *

* Go for it all the way *

* I will go, I will go *

* It's all good, try again *

* Do it again *

* It's all good *

* It's all good *

* Try again *

* Try again *

* Try again * * do again **