03x22 - C.R.E.A.M.

[bunniefuu]

I cannot believe the wedding is almost here,

And we have paid all our bills!

Aah! Damn!

What?

Gina, it's a letter from the irs, baby!

What does the government want with you?

I don't know, gina.

They must have saw me

Take that extra block of government cheese, baby.

You better see what they want.

You know uncle sam doesn't play.

All right, let me think, let me think.

Uh...uh...

Mr. Sam, man, I was going to pay you your money,

But the man told me--

Martin.

Let me, uh, let me open it.

All right.

[Blubbering]

Whoo-whoo-whoo whoo-whoo!

What! What! What! What!

Oh-h*!

Oh-h*!

Oh-h*!

What's this? Open the letter!

Oh, baby!

Oh, baby!

Oh, just check out what they said.

"Due to an accounting error,

"We have enclosed an additional income tax refund check

In the amount of..."

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Oh, baby!

"$,"!

Baby!

We paid! We paid!

Don't let it go, boy!

Gina, gimme the loot, gimme the loot!

I'm going to do something special for us.

What?

I'm going to go out and buy a satellite dish.

Um, a laserdisc player.

And I'm going to get myself a whole new wardrobe

'Cause I know you want your man lookin' good.

O.k. What up, doll? On the j, on the line.

Yeah, martin,

I do want you looking good, baby,

But you know what I was thinking?

We should take this money,

And, you know, invest it,

And make it work for us.

You think so?

Oh, yeah!

Uh, you know what? You're right.

You are.

We got to be smart, we got to be responsible,

'Cause that's a lot of dough.

That's right.

O.k., Uh, gina, I was thinking.

We should go to vegas,

Put everything on black, and take our chances.

Wait, wait, wait. Baby, baby, baby.

I'm thinking more of, like, a solid investment.

You know, tommy says he knows some people with connections.

You think scoop ball knows some people?

Let me think.

O.k., You're right.

You get pam on the bat phone.

I'll be right back.

Where are you going?

I got to deposit this

Before the irs finds out about the government cheese.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

* Lawrence **

We're going in three minutes,

So the small businessman

Is looking for something to invest in, huh?

Why don't you sell your clothes

Back to baby gap?

I'll let that one slide, scary poppins.

It must be hard on you at this time of year,

Everybody mistaking you for the easter bunny.

Where you stashing the eggs...

In your humpy dump?

What you going to do with your money, big time?

Oh, man, funny you asked me that.

Y'all going to think I'm crazy,

But I was thinking about investing.

Open it, own it--

One day my own restaurant.

Ha ha! Yes!

It's because, see,

All the big stars have 'em--

Oprah, uh, michael jordan-- y'all know he's back--

And, uh, denzel, and all them.

What y'all think?

There's this restaurant around the corner

Been closed about a year now.

Maybe you could reopen it.

Man, he don't know nothing about running no restaurant.

See what I'm saying, gina? Pure jealousy.

It ain't fair.

Tommy's got his acres and his mule.

How they get mad at me for doing my own thing,

Get my own business?

I'm about sick of your mouth.

Be sick of it.

sh**t at me, I sh**t it back.

$, Isn't a lot of money to invest into a restaurant.

O.k. Here it is. Check it out.

I got it.

Why don't we open up a take-in restaurant?

Cole...

A take-in restaurant?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. See,

People bring their food in...

And then we charge 'em to sit down.

What you think about that, martin?

I think you need some damn help, cole.

And that's comin' from where I'm comin' from.

O.k. Now listen,

What I think we should do

Is find some investors to put up the money.

All we got to do is kick back,

Wait for the money to roll in.

Everybody's getting paid.

You paid, you paid, you paid,

Whether it's , or not.

You know--boom.

We paid. Everybody's cool.

I know this african brother who specializes

In helping people who want to open small businesses.

I can arrange to have him

Meet us at that restaurant tomorrow.

That's right.

That's what I'm talking about, tommy!

Yeah!

Yo! Hah! O.k.!

O.k. I got one more idea.

Rent-a-spoons!

Yeah, yeah. See,

We serve 'em soup for free,

Rent 'em spoons!

Whoo!

Yeah!

Did I tell you you had, what, one more time?

Yeah.

Did I tell you you had that?

Mm-hmm.

Well, guess what?

Time's up!

All right, now, listen, listen, listen.

Let's go back here.

Uh, back to tommy's idea.

The african man.

Yes.

All right, tommy,

Where do you know this man from?

Er, uh, I don't know him personally, see.

Some people at work turned me on to him.

Rent-a-spoons!

Cole, you got to be serious!

I'm gonna get you next time!

Tell me why you got no job, let me ask.

All right, now. Enough with the job.

Now y'all know I'm a brother with good ideas.

I got a dollar and a dream

To make myself some cream.

Are you down or what? Are you down?

I'll be down

When you fall flat on your face.

Luckily for you, that's not too far to fall.

You just make sure you tell dino and your crew

Don't be eating up all the meat!

Ah! Rent-a-spoons! Rent-a-spoons!

[Martin] I'm trying to get the door, but it's stuck.

[Pam] well, move out the way. I can get it!

......

Bam!

Oh!

Told you.

I knew them hoofs would come in handy.

Ooh!

Check it out, y'all.

Check it out.

Welcome to my place.

Welcome to marty mart's meat loaf and waffle, baby!

Love it! Love it!

You like it?

This is the beginning of a franchise.

The future is now.

This place is straight nasty.

It's got your name written all over it, bro.

You got your work cut out for you, brother.

When we fix this place up,

People will be lined up waiting to get in this mug.

Ain't that right, baby?

Yeah, that is right.

Now, tommy...tommy, where's your african money man, man?

He's probably got deals all over town.

From what I hear, this brother is large.

What's happenin', martin?

Oh! Stan!

Stan!

Whazzup, man, whazzup?

Hey, martin.

Yeah!

Cash rules everything around me.

So let's go make the dollar, dollar bill.

Do you believe this?

I said, do you believe this?

I'm back, and I'm black, and that's a fact.

Stan, what are you doing here, man?

Martin, when I heard that it was you

Who was looking to invest,

I got out of my bed, I told myra,

"Hold that position. I will be back."

Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.

Stan, you're the african brother with the investment hookups?

This I got to hear!

No, no. Gina, let's check the elements here.

We got this nasty place,

We got martin's little a*s,

And we got stan on top of that.

, ...

Three strikes!

I'm out.

I'm out.

I'll call you, baby.

I guess it's true what they say, tommy.

You can lead a horse to water,

But you can't make her stay!

Stan, what's up with the african gear, man?

Well, tommy, after I sold the radio station,

I took the money, and I went on back home,

Back to my roots.

Back to africa? That's beautiful!

No, man, new york! Th street.

They were selling this stuff in front of the apollo.

How am I looking? Looking all right?

Stan, yeah, you look fly, man.

It's all right.

Check it out.

Sit on down here, stan.

So tell us, man,

Where have you been?

Well, for a moment there,

I was laid up in the hospital.

What? Really? What happened, stan?

Well, you know, I was vacationing in hollyweird...

And I hitched this ride with these two brothers

In this white bronco.

Right?

Turn around, man...

Five- was on our asses!

I jumped out, and next thing I know,

I'm waking up in the hospital.

Well, hey, we just glad you're all right.

That's all we care about.

We're really glad you're all right.

So, uh, let's talk business, stan--

Whoa! Whoa!

Wait a minute.

You know, baby...

Uh, stan, martin and I

Have our whole life savings, you know,

Tied up into this restaurant.

We kind of wanted this business to be,

You know...legitimate!

Legal!

You know what I'm saying, stan?

I can't trust you. You got a history.

Look at me, gina.

The old stan is gone, gina.

Hey, I have turned over a new leaf, gina, I swear.

[Car horn honks]

Uh...martin, go out and tell that cabby

That you saw me go through the back door.

You just told my old lady

You turned over a new leaf.

Stan, this may sound like a dumb question,

But how do you plan on investing in this restaurant

When you can't pay your cab fare?

I can buy a whole franchise, chump.

I just don't carry any small bills...anymore.

Stan!

You look like the man with the master plan.

Well, you know the way I see it, stan?

All we have to do is clean this place up,

Hire some employees, and it's all good.

Y'all thinking like I'm thinking?

Uh...martin, martin,

The problem with employees is

That eventually... You have to pay them.

Now, what I was thinking--

Well, hey, we don't need no employees

Because them is y'all, and y'all is them.

O.k., Everybody,

We open the doors in five minutes.

Uh, cole, you know what you're doing, right?

You're the cook.

Baby, get to kicking.

I'm there, baby.

Y'all ain't had meat loaf

Till you had cole's special meat loaf.

For the grand opening, I'm making it boneless.

Tommy, I need you to clean off the tables.

Please keep your hair net on.

I don't want no head chips in the food.

Baby.

Whoa! Hey!

What you want me to do?

Baby, you the hostess.

I want you to be warm, friendly, and courteous.

I could do that.

You could do it. Where's my waitress?

I am not putting this on!

Fine, but you have to wear it on the weekends,

When you give the kids rides in the parking lot.

Well, you're going to have to wear it.

Welcome to marty mart's meat loaf and waffles.

I will show you to your seats.

Cole, did you take care of the coupons?

Made 'em up and passed 'em out myself.

Whoo! You coming through when you're supposed to come through!

Sorry about that stuff earlier.

But, look, you keep this up,

You may get a raise.

Shh!

Don't tell nobody.

What y'all want? All we got is meat loaf.

I'll have meat loaf and waffle platters...

And, uh, a diet root beer.

Good looking out with that diet root beer, bro.

sh**t, I don't want nothing to eat.

Least nothing that's on that menu, anyway.

Look here, little bro.

See, the lady's taken, man.

So why don't you respect mine and enjoy your meal?

Have a nice one.

[Ding] pick up, !

Baby, look at us. We are in business.

I can't believe it!

And look at the four customers in the back, huh?

Who said I don't know nothing about running a restaurant?

Huh? Who said that?

Not me.

Hey, just listen to old marty mart,

And everything will run smooth like butter.

Uh, say, man.

Uh, hold on.

Hot pot coming through.

Yeah, brother, what's happening?

Where's my butter, man?

Parkay or the--

Excuse me, sir.

O.k., Sister, I'm coming.

We ain't seen no menus, yet.

Hey, hey, come here!

I asked you for my water minutes ago, o.k.?

Do you want evian, or do you want--

I'm not arguing with you, sister.

Baby, there's nowheres to seat these people.

O.k., Baby.

Give me the menus.

I got the brother here with the butter on.

And she wants menus-- come on, ma'am.

I'm so sorry.

Brothers, come on through.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Sister, you there. Brother, you down there.

But it's our anniversary.

Congratulations. How long you been together?

Years!

Well, time for you to meet new people.

Step on down this way, brother!

Did you get your butter?

No, and can I get another meat loaf?

Comin' right up on ya.

We need one more meat loaf, cole.

We ran out of meat a long time ago.

You don't want to know what I'm using instead.

Cole, handle your business.

Martin, martin...

The dishwasher's broken.

Tommy, you look like mr. Clean.

Bust some suds, man.

I ain't bustin' no damn suds.

This place is packed! Can I get some help?

Don't start with me.

We out of food, man-- meat, everything.

Well, then go buy some more, cole.

This place is crowded, we should be getting paid!

Baby, there's no money.

Everybody's paying with these.

Cole, cole, you made up the coupons, didn't you?

Just like you said-- five for one!

What?

No!

I didn't say--

Cole, I said two for one, man!

Cole!

You know what?

This is the dumbest thing you've ever done, man!

Actually, the dumbest thing I did was,

Remember when--

Cole, cole, cole,

So everybody's in here eating on me.

I'm paying for all this?

Yep!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Arrrggh!

We're done for!

Everybody!

How you doing?

All right!yeah! Yeah!good!

Is the food good?

Yeah!good! All right!yeah!

Some of you may say it's dee-licious, huh?

All right!yeah! Yeah!good!

Did you get your water?

I got my water!

Are the prices right for you?

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah! Everything's right.

Well, on behalf of marty mart's...

Meat loaf and waffle...

Get out!

Get your asses out the...

Step!

Oh...man.

Whew.

The g's gone.

Just like that.

This is the fastest opening and closing

Of a business in history.

Thought that meat loaf was going to take me places.

Damn sure took me places.

The only one that made money was pam from her tips.

Whoo-whoo-whoo-- * whoo whoo *

* Whoo-whoo whoo-whoo **

Ah! Ha ha!

Only way we'll make any money

Is if we get the hell out of here.

Uh, maybe you should try insurance fraud, martin.

Dig it, man.

Hey, a can of gasoline, a match,

And our problems are sol-ved.

I told you about all that.

Excuse me.

Is this the meat loaf and waffle joint

I been hearing so much about?

Yeah, it's the meat loaf and waffle joint, brother,

But we out of business, bro.

Well, good.

'Cause, uh, if I can't get something to eat,

Maybe I'll just buy the joint.

Well, have a seat, my brother. Oh! Oh! A businessman!

Uh, cole, we should have one more waffle left.

Uh, you like tanqueray sauce on your waffle?

I'm not hungry.

I'm looking for something to invest in.

How much you pay for this joint?

,-- ,!

He's a businessman!

How you going to say--

Hold on, hold on.

,'S a little steep.

Martin, listen to me--

He would have bought it for ,!

We got to hold out, man!

This cat looks like he got

A whole lotta money, man.

We got to take him for all he's worth, martin.

We ain't got no money!

Let me take a look at him. Hold on.

Yeah, yeah, o.k., Uh, brother,

How much did you say you'd buy this place for?

I'll give you ,.

Sold! Bam!

I'm even going to throw in a waitress.

Not only does she take orders,

But she can catch the hell out of a frisbee, can't she?

How you doing, miss lady?

What you got there?

No, no. Can't touch this.

That's all right, dear. That's all good.

So, what you planning on doing with the place

Now that you have it?

I'm going to invest in some, uh,

Rent-a-spoons.

Don't say that.

Please, sir!

Why did you say that?


Luckily for you,

That ain't too far to fall.

[Snorts]

You know, uh, I hope when I hire you,

You don't make those same skunk noises.