02x22 - Angela's New Best Friend

[bunniefuu]

♪ There is more to life
than what you're living

♪ So take a chance
and face the wind

♪ An open road
and a road that's hidden

♪ Brand new life
around the bend

♪ There were times

♪ I lost a dream or two

♪ Found the trail

♪ And at the end was you

♪ There's a path you take
and a path not taken

♪ The choice is up to you
my friend

♪ Nights are long
but you might awaken

♪ To a brand new life

♪ Brand new life

♪ Brand new life
around the bend ♪

Angela, Angela,
could you hurry it up?

I mean Michelangelo could've
painted the Sistine Chapel

in the time it takes you
to frost one cupcake.

The Sistine Chapel
didn't have sprinkles.

Quick, quick,
pretend we're not home!

Pull down the shades.

What's going on?
Are we being invaded?

-Worse.
-Those guys with
religious pamphlets.

Worse than that.

Diane Wilmington
is coming up the walk.

Bolt the door!

That woman is like
fingernails on a blackboard.

I don't know what it is,
but I just can't stand her.

Well maybe it's because
she's vain,

shallow, a trouble-maker
and a gossip.

No, that's not it.

Be quiet, she's here.

Angela, come on, come on.
We're being ridiculous.

I mean, she's not that bad.
The woman has some
good qualities.

She's a tr*mp.

That's one.

And she's persistent.

Shh.

Is she, is she,
is she leaving?

Yep. There she goes.

Yeah, that's her
silhouette all right.

She's got
the only R-rated

silhouette in
the neighborhood.

I beg your pardon?

Present company excepted.

Wait a minute.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.

You think she's gone?

Yeah, I think the coast
is clear.

That was close.

Really. The last thing I
wanted to do today

is listen to...

Diane!

Hi, Angela.

See, Mrs. Wilmington,
I told you they were home.

What a surprise.

You know, Angela,

you really ought to get
that doorbell fixed.

I was just about to leave.

Nice going, Jonathan.

-Sit, sit Mrs. Wilmington.
Sit. Have a seat. Can I...
-Oh thanks.

Can I get you some coffee?

Oh, yes, that would be nice.

Regular or D-cup?
I mean, decaf.

Anything.

Well, Diane,
what brings you here?

Come to borrow a cup
of eye shadow?

No, actually, I just thought
I'd make a neighborly visit,
you know.

I mean, after all,
we live so close

and we see each
other so seldom.

Well, Diane, it hasn't been
that long.

-There, there.
-Oh.

Thank God you're here!

I'm so lucky to have
a best friend like you.

Oh, my life is over.

My maid ran off to Rio.

What? On her salary?
Angela, we have to talk.

You don't have to take it
so hard.

You've had maids leave before.

Not with my husband.

I never thought Charles
would do this to me.

I feel awful.

And of course,
everyone's going to know.

I mean, I'm going to be
the laughingstock
of the neighborhood.

Oh, don't be silly.

SAM: Hey, everybody,
did you hear?
Mrs. Wilmington got dumped.

Well, I guess you're heard.

It's even hit the playground?

TONY: Hey, come on.
Get going. Get going.

Oh, what am I going to do?

Here, here, here, here.

Thank you, Tony.

Consider it yours.

I'll never be able to go back
to that house.

Oh, everything is
going to remind me
of Charles and Phoebe.

They probably slept in my bed
and took showers in my shower.

And I wouldn't want to
set a sandwich
on that kitchen table.

Ah, Diane, anything that
we can do to help,
you just let us know.

Could I stay here
for a couple of days?

Anything but that.

Hey, Mrs. Wilmington,
don't get the wrong idea.

We don't really have
a spare bedroom

and the doorbell's broken.

That's okay.

I can go to some cheap motel

with depressing paintings
and sticky carpets.

Try to get a room
near the ice machine.

You'd better call me
every hour

to be sure I haven't done
anything desperate.

Diane...

All right. You can stay.

Oh, Angela, oh,
you've saved my life!

Oh. Thank you!

Well, I'll be right back.

I'm just going to go pack
a few trunks.

Well, Angela,

you haven't gained a
friend, you lost your mind.

Yes.

Ooh.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
does this look good.

-Mmm.
-Oh.

Mrs. Wilmington, that was,
that was my sandwich.

Mmm. You want a little nibble?

I uh, I think I'll make
another sandwich.

Thank you, Tony.

I've always
relied upon the kindness
of strangers.

I saw that on a
TV show once.

I think it was Dynasty.

Excuse me, honeys,

it's time for Donahue.

Oh, if I don't watch him,
I'll just die.

She says it,
but she doesn't mean it.

Mrs. Wilmington, we were
watching Bruce Springsteen.

Well, don't you have
to go play?

Or do homework?
Or whatever it is children do.

I want my MTV!

Hey, give me that,
you little rug rat.

Give me that right now.

You're not getting away.

Ooh, monkey in the middle.

Hey, hey, hey.
Wait, wait stop it.

-She started it.
-Stop it.

Doesn't anybody care

that I am trying to get
some work done around here?

Angela, we all have
our problems.

I'm trying to watch Donahue.

And we want to watch videos.

All right. Stop, give me that.
I'll settle this.

Now you can watch Donahue.

Thank you.

And you guys,
you guys tape your videos.

And you, I'd like to see you
in my office.

Your office?

The kitchen, Angela.

Maybe we should go
and watch it at Grandma's.

Maybe we should move in.

Come on. Get...

Oh, talk to me, Phil.

All right, Angela, look.
She has got to go, man.

She's got the whole
place... It's going crazy.

I mean, I'm tired of that
couch potato.

Tony, I know.

I know. But she's
going to be leaving soon.

That's what you said
three days ago.

Well, what do you want me
to do? Kick her out?

There's an idea.

How can I do that
to that poor woman?

Right foot,
left foot, whatever.

Apples. Excuse me, Miss,

could you tell me where I
could find the peanut butter?

Mother, what are you doing?

Well, I'm running a refugee
camp for kids

and I need supplies.
Sheets and towels?

-Second floor, house wares.
-Thank you.

No, thank you for shopping
at Bower's.

My pleasure.

Tell a friend.

All right? Is it ridiculous?
Is it ridiculous?

The living room is a shambles,
the kids have moved out,

and now Mona's
plundering the kitchen.

Tony, just think of it

as an act of kindness
to another human being.

Another human being.

Where's my butter brickle
ice cream?

Another human being ate it.

That's it! She's history.

All right, Angela, get tough!
Go get her, baby.

All right!

Oh, Angela,
the butter brickle's...

Never mind.

Diane!

Shh, I'm watching Donahue.

Diane, we, we've got to talk.

He's doing scorned women week.

Oh, that might as well
be me up there.

A rich, incredibly
beautiful woman

whose husband's abandoned her.

Um, look, Diane,
I know how you're feeling.

But believe me you're
going to get over it.

Nuh-uh. Phil says it could
take years.

He wouldn't if you were
living on his couch.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Uh, I know, I know this is
a difficult time for you.

But see it's a difficult
time for all of us.

And that's what I'd like to
talk to you about.

I just can't believe
my marriage is over.

All those years we shared
together, just gone.

Speaking of gone...

I feel so betrayed and used.

It's like someone kicked me
in the stomach

as hard as they could.

Oh, you just have no idea
what it's like.

Actually, I do.

It's the same way I felt
when Michael and I split up.

But you've got to bounce back.

But it just doesn't
seem fair, Angela.

I'm left with a pit
in my stomach

and he's left with some
blonde in Rio.

Oh, you understand.

Isn't Michael's new
wife a young blonde?

Well, I wouldn't...

I was lonely.

I was fat.

I was fat, too!

And then all the weight
moved up to my chest.

When Michael
and I got divorced

I was scared I'd never be able
to stand on my own again.

But I did.
And I learned something.

This may sound like a
hair color commercial but,

I like who I am.

Do you know what I'm saying?

-You think I should
color my hair?
-No.

No, Diane.
I think your hair is fine.

It is nice, isn't it?

It's lovely.

What I'm trying to say is

Oh. I want to be
like you, Angela...

In some ways.

But I just wouldn't even
know where to start.

You start by getting
off the couch.

I can do that.

Getting dressed.

I'll do it!

Getting out there
in the world.

-All right!
-All right!

You mean by myself?

Is everything okay?

Yes, Diane has made
a wonderful breakthrough.

She's getting up and
getting dressed...

And getting out?

Absolutely.

Just as soon as she's ready.

I'll be at Mona's.

Will you try and understand?

I understand. You wimped out.

You know, I knew you were
going to take that attitude.

You have no idea
what it's like

for us single women
out there all alone.

Give me a break here.

What are you kidding me?
What about us single men, huh?

What do you think,
we don't get lonely, huh?

What about

the Lone Ranger.

He had Tonto.

That's how lonely he was.

Then you understand and
you'll be nice to Diane?

Did I say that?

All right. I'll be nice.

Oh.

Well, Diane tells me she's
going to be staying on.

Good going, Angela.

I'll be back for the
major appliances.

Oh, looks like Mr. Clean
whipped through here.

Ms. Clean.

You did this?

Angela told me
to try new things.

I've never cleaned up
after myself before.

Way to broaden your horizons,
Mrs. Wilmington.

Angela's really helped me
be more independent.

Haven't you noticed
anything different about me?

Uh, well, I don't know.

Like what?

I'd better go
tackle this laundry.

Tony?

Yeah.

How 'bout a coffee break?

I mean, God knows
I could use one. You know,

I made my bed.

And then I put all the caps
back on my make-up.

You know, an independent
woman's work is never done.

Well, go ahead. Help yourself,
Mrs. Wilmington.

Oh, aren't you
going to join me?

No, I, um...

If I'm not there,
start without me, okay?

That's what my husband
used to say.

There's ten seconds left
in the game.

The crowd is on its feet.

They go down low
to Kareem Micelli.

He fakes right,
he goes left...

It's the sky hook
and it's good.

The crowd is on their feet
and they're screaming!

Micelli has won the game!

And he's ready
for the showers.

Rah, rah, sis boom bah!

Hi, Mrs. Wilmington.

I was just getting
in a little workout

while I do the laundry here.

I can tell.

You do it very well.

In fact, I never knew
basketball could be so...

...stimulating.

I always liked the game.

What brings you down here?

Oh, I was just thinking about
doing a little laundry myself.

Mrs. Wilmington,

I, I, I think you
misunderstood when
I said give me your clothes.

Oh, I've got a soft spot
for you, Tony.

Yeah, yeah.
You've got them all over.

Mrs. Wilmington, come on now.
We're in the laundry room!

I know. Isn't it exciting?

Now, seriously,
Mrs. Wilmington, wait, wait.

What about women
who don't need men?

Oh, I don't need you,
I want you.

Oh, no, no, no, no, look
I'm ready for this.

You could have fooled me.

Now, Mrs. Wilmington,
hold on here, please okay?

Okay. Where?

Mrs. Wilmington, you know,
I live here and...

And... And...

And you live next door.

Mm, you know what
the Good Book
says, "Love they neighbor."

Yeah. Mrs. Wilmington,
seriously, seriously.

Mrs. Wilmington.

Oh.

Look, you're...

You're a nice lady.

I mean, you're a nice lady,

but, but my family,

my home, my daughter
lives here.

And Angela.

Well, I don't want to put
anything in jeopardy.

Oh, do you think I'm jeopardy?

What was the question?

Tony, I...

Spilled coffee on my...

Angela!

Tony! What is going on here?

Nothing.

ANGELA: Really?

Why do you have
lipstick on your collarbone?

Angela, this isn't what
it looks like.

Really? What is it?

Something completely
different.

You are taking advantage of
this poor, vulnerable woman.

I'm... What do... Vulnerable?

Hey, hey, who's the one here
with no shirt on huh?

Well, who's the other one?

Tony, you're the one who told
me to give you my clothes.

Tony!

Diane.

Yes?

Tony, how could you?

This woman needs to be
treated like a human being,

not like a sex object.

Not so fast, Angela.

Angela, I didn't treat her
like a sex object.

I didn't treat her
like anything.

I'm down here trying to
do my housework.

One woman's throwing
her clothes at me,

the other one's
throwing accusations.

What's a guy to do?

I'm going to go upstairs
and make some quiche.

Men are so sensitive.

Diane,

is that true, you threw
yourself at him?

Well, yeah, but I missed.

Have you forgotten everything
we talked about?

About being self-sufficient,

and standing on your own
and being independent.

You mean like you, Angela?

Well, yes.

Sell it to Cosmo.

I beg your pardon?

You keep telling me you don't
have a man in your life,

but you do.

He's upstairs making quiche.

What do you mean?
What did Tony tell you?

He told me no.

And do you know why?

No. Why?

Because of you and everything
that goes on in this house.

There is nothing going on
in this house.

Oh, you may think
it's nothing, but,
but I can see it.

Oh, yeah, the little
basketball games outside and

the cookouts in the snow.

The birthday parties,
family outings,

and sharing all your problems.

It's more than I've ever had.

Oh, Diane.

Oh, don't worry
about me, Angela.

Thanks to you,
I know what I want.

It's not independence.

It's a warm,
meaningful relationship.

I wish you a lot of luck.

Oh.

I don't need luck with
this personality.

Are you still upset?

No, what gives you that idea?

Where's your soul sister?

You mean Diane?

No, Aretha Franklin.

She's packing to go.

So soon? Oh.

Tony...

I owe you an apology.

For thinking I threw myself
at Mrs. Wilmington?

Well, that and because

I told Diane that

I am completely independent.

I'm not.

-You're not?
-No.

The truth is, I've got help.

Good help.

Good help's hard to find.

So are good friends.

So is good ice cream. Hm.

TONY: Who's the Boss?
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

You're home! I missed you!

You didn't write,
you didn't call.

I didn't need any money.
Grandma gave us everything.

That's right, and here's
the bill, Angela.

Mother.

What happened to all the
stuff you took from my house?

Don't worry.
I've brought everything back.

It's all in working order,

except your portable TV.
It's on the fritz.

What's wrong with it?

I don't know.
The picture's been fuzzy

ever since I dropped it
down the stairs.

But don't worry, though.
The parts are all here.

She's waiting for a call
from Chad McCann.

I am not.

She is, too. She's been
waiting for an hour.

Jonathan, Jonathan, Jonathan,

I am an independent woman.

I do not need a man in my life
to make me happy.