02x14 - Educating Tony

[bunniefuu]

♪ There is more to life
than what you're living

♪ So take a chance
and face the wind

♪ An open road
and a road that's hidden

♪ Brand new life
around the bend

♪ There were times
I lost a dream or two

♪ Found the trail
and at the end was you

♪ There's a path you take
and a path not taken

♪ The choice is up to you,
my friend

♪ Nights are long
but you might awaken

♪ To a brand new life

♪ Brand new life

♪ Brand new life
around the bend ♪

First I'll tell them

how important advertising is.

How it can impact on
all of society.

Ooh, impacting.
It's good, it's good.

And then I'll segue into the
role advertising plays

in a thriving healthy economy.

Smooth, smooth.

And then I'll bring it all
home by telling them about

the exciting lifestyle of
an advertising executive.

-Ooh, I know I'm excited.
-Huh!

Hey, how about you, Mone?

Huh, yeah?

Good, very good, Angela.
Very good.

Ah, Angela, you're going to
make a terrific teacher.

You're gonna be even better
than Sister Blandina.

And probably
a better dresser, too.

Mom, look, you're famous!

Yeah, the catalog just came
from Southport University.

-Really?
-There you are,

"Angela Bower, Introduction
to Advertising."

So, how come they
picked you, Angela?

I don't know.

Because they wanted the best.

Well, thank you, Mother.

And when he wasn't available
they got Angela.

Why don't I learn?

Ah, Angela, I think what
you're doing is terrific.

I mean, adult education,
oh, it's important.

It's really important.
It's...

It's educating adults.

Yeah, here's an
important course,

"Introduction to Origami."

What's origami?

Not as much fun as it sounds.

"Mmm, mmm, good."

"Ring around the collar."

"Two, two,
two mints in one."

Now, can anybody tell me what

all these slogans
have in common?

They're annoying.

But you remember them.

Now these little
slogans have moved

millions of dollars
of products.

And in this class,
I am going to show you why.

But first, let's get to know
each other better.

Roll call.

-William Abbot.
-Here.

Okay, Bradley Guylas?

Uh, present.

Did I pronounce your
name correctly?

Uh, no, but I like
your way better.

I came to learn!

And you will.

-Uh, Karen Meyer.
-Here.

Anthony Micelli... Tony?

Yo, Teach!

Sorry I'm late.
Hey, hey! Oh!

I hope nobody squeezed
the Charmin yet?

Can you believe this guy

trying to kiss up to
the teacher?

Yeah, there's one like
that in every class.

Two.

Parker, Singer,
Steinkelner?

Mr. Micelli, may I speak
to you a moment?

-Me?
-You're in trouble.

Sure, Angela, uh...

Miss Bower, uh,
you're surprised to see me.

You look surprised.

Hey, I brought you an apple.

-And it's a firm one.
Not mushy.
-Tony...

Well, you know, I know
how you hate those
mushy apples.

Tony, I am teaching
a class here.

Yeah, I know.
I'm gonna take it.

Why?

A mind is a terrible thing
to waste, Angela.

Tony, Tony.

Come on, I've been
living with you

for about a year and
a half now...

Oh, easy A.

Ah, well, I mean...

You know what I do
for a living, you know,

not that you could do it.

But I would like to know more
about what you do.

Well, I'm very flattered,

but I don't know.

It might be awkward
with you in the class.

I don't feel awkward.

Hey, I really want to stay.

I matriculated and everything.

-Oh, okay.
-Okay.

We'll give it a try,
but no special treatment.

Hey, I don't want no
special treatment.

Are you kidding?

But, um,
now that you mention it,

I may be a little
late Tuesday.

Angela Bower.

Is she
a great teacher, or what?

Angela taught us all of that

in just the first half
of the class!

What did she do
in the second half?

Walk on water?

Hardy har har.

I'm telling you, Mone.
She's a great teacher.

Well, I know where
she gets it.

After all, I've taught
a few old dogs

some new tricks myself.

All right, all right,
who among you
can tell me the five most

important rules when making
a TV commercial.

Darn!

And I knew them
only yesterday.

-Good morning.
-ALL: Good morning,
Miss Bower.

Cute.

Very cute.

Hey, Angela, check this out.

I give my family
Fiber Puffs every morning

to get them going, huh, huh.

Product identification,
personal endorsement.

Rules two and three.

Very good, Tony.

And each bowl contains 100%

of the daily recommended
dose of fiber.

So does a box of toothpicks.

But we wouldn't wanna
put that in the ads.

That's right, Tony.

Hey, one class, I know it all.

Well, maybe not all.

I hate these things.

That's why we have advertising

to make you think
you like them.

Mona, Mona, Mona,

commercials are
the cornerstone

of a free market economy.

And they give you time
to go to the bathroom

when you're watching TV.

Oh, that's why nobody watches
public television.

Tony, have you
come up with an idea
for your assignment yet?

Homework?

You've got homework
on the first day?

Boy, his teacher must be
a real battle-ax.

I'm having each student

make a commercial for
a laundry detergent.

Yeah, and I've got a great
idea, let me tell you.

Nobody's going to the bathroom
during my commercial.

Let's hear it.

-I'll give you some pointers.
-Oh, no, no, no,
thanks, Angela.

I want it to be a surprise.

Oh, Tony, there's more to
making a good commercial

than you might think.
I just want to help you.

Well, to tell you the truth,
Angela, you already have.

You're my inspiration.

And I love, I love the way
you care about your students.

Did I tell you guys what kind
of great teacher she is?

ALL: Yes!

Oh, isn't this great?

Me and you doing
our homework together.

Yeah, Dad. I'll color
your storyboard

if you read Silas Marner.

What are you trying
to say, this is easy?

You try staying inside
these lines.

Tony, you should've seen your
teacher in action today.

I sold a twenty-million-dollar
campaign

and I did it
in 20 minutes.

Whoa, a mil a minute.

Way to go, Angela!

And with all the art
directors, copywriters,

and creative geniuses
on my staff,

who do you think came up
with the winning idea?

-Ah...
-Me.

Of course you,
of course you did.

-Let me see, let me see.
-Okay.

I love the excitement
of advertising.

Ta-da.

That's it?

-What's wrong with it?
-Oh, nothing.

It's, uh... It's cute.

"Cute"?

It's bold, it's dynamic,
it's innovative.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just
not as bold, dynamic,

or innovative as mine.

Well, I can't wait
to see yours...

Not just yet.
Not just yet.

But it's going to knock your
socks off. Right, Sam?

Yeah, made me want to drop
a load into the washer.

Tony, come on.

I showed you mine,
why don't you show me yours.

Angela, are you still
playing that game?

-Can I be the nurse?
-Get outta here.

Not now, Mother.

Now, Tony, all the other
students have shown me

their storyboards.
They seem to want my help.

Yeah, well, all the other
students ain't got this.

Huh! Brilliant.

-Mona.
-Even better.

Tony, you seem to forget that

I'm going to be
grading you on this.

Oh, hey, no problem
there, Angela.

We're talking Straight-A City.

Well, students,

tonight is the night
we've all been waiting for.

Tonight we are going
to view the commercials

of the advertising executives
of the future.

Ooh, I feel like I'm
on Star Search?

Who would like to be first?

Oh...

Ah, Mr. Guylas.

This is gonna be
a tough act to follow.

Sure, sure, sure.

As I discussed
with Mrs. Bower,

I decided to go with the
celebrity endorsement,

but who?

I wanted someone fresh,
someone with integrity...

Someone you haven't seen
on commercials before.

Mrs. Bower, I think
you'll find my selection

quite effective.

When does this guy
come up for air?

Hello, I'm Princess Di.

When my Charlie has had
a rough day on the polo field,

I wash all of his riding togs
in Buckingham Soap.

It also does wonders for the
heir apparent's diapers.

So to make your whole family
feel like royalty,

use Buckingham Soap.

I do.

Beat that, Micelli.

In my sleep.

Well, Bradley,
that was a wonderful

example of humor
in advertising.

It was really very funny.

It wasn't supposed to be.

Well, never can tell with
the British, can you?

Uh, any comments
from the class?

I didn't know Princess Di
did her own laundry.

All right.

Settle down, settle down.

Now, Bradley, we'll come back
to this later, all right.

Now, let's move on.
Mr. Micelli?

-Yo!
-I believe you're next.

All right! Hey g*ng,
you've seen the rest,

Princess Di, now get
ready to see the best.

Tony, we'll be the
judge of that.

Okay, okay, I am just
warming them up, Teach.

Not that you guys
need warming up,

because this
commercial is hot.

Ow!

And I do mean hot.
Now stay tuned.

-Would you just play the tape?
-Okay, okay, okay, hey...

Everybody got a good seat?
You, you look a little short.

You want to move
to the front row?

Would you just
play the damn tape?

You can't wait to
see it, can you?

Okay.

Hi, in my line of work,

the right detergent
is very important.

-Boy, you really fight dirty!
-Yeah, I do.

But when I want to come clean

and get rid of that
ground in grime...

I wash my dainties
in Bouncy Flakes.

The detergent
of the champions.

TONY: Bouncy Flakes...

To give your laundry a thrill.

Hey, thank you,
thank you, thank you,

but I can't take
all the credit.

I gotta thank Jungle Jane
and Gritty Gertie.

Don't forget, my inspiration,
Angela Bower.

I inspired that?

So what'd you think?
Was it great or was it great?

Well, it was very graphic.

Ooh, graphic, graphic,
graphic is good.

Not always.

It was this time.

So, what's my grade?

Tony, it's not the grade
that's important.

It's the experience
that counts.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, right.

Hey! You guys all think
I got an A, right?

-A, A, A, A, A, A...
-Tony, Tony!

The class is not grading this.

I am. Now, I need a little
while to think about it.

-Please sit down.
-Oh, but, Angela!

Tony! Don't push me on this.

Angela, it's my grade.
I earned it.

-It's offensive.
-Offensive?

Yes, it's offensive.

It's the most offensive
television commercial

I have ever seen!

Are you saying it's not an A?

An A?

An A?

It's an F.

An F, as in flunk,

fail, phooey!

But you're gonna grade
on a curve, right?

You know what your
problem is, Angela?

-You are jealous.
-Jealous?

-Yeah.
-Jealous?

I don't know why you
signed up for my class.

You seem to know it all.

You don't even want to know
what is wrong with it.

Well, the class
seemed to like it.

The class doesn't
know diddley.

That's why they're the class
and I'm the teacher.

Oh, oh, excuse me,
Miss Madison Avenue big shot.

I bet you're the only one
who knows anything
about anything at all.

Well, I know one
thing for certain.

Your commercial won't sell
one lousy Bouncy Flake.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah,
why's that, Angela?

Well, you're the advertising
genius, you figure it out.

So, how was class?

I don't wanna
even talk to you.

You know, you know, you
brought this on yourself.

If you had just
asked for my help.

Aha, aha, so that's it.

You gave me an F

because I did it myself
and it was good.

It stank.

Stank?

Dad, you got an F?

Ooh, you're grounded
for a week.

Yeah, but if you smile
and look cute,

you can get off in three days.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Both of youse, up to bed.

Dad, it's only eight o'clock.

Yeah, but it's ten o'clock
on the moon.

Tony,

I knew it wasn't a good idea
for you to take the class.

I'll talk to the school
about reimbursing you.

h*, hey, h*, h*, hey.

I ain't dropping that class.

I may be a failure,
but I'm no quitter.

Angela, you shouldn't
have flunked him.

Now he'll never get
into grad school.

Mother, he was impossible.

He disrupted my entire class.

He showed the most
offensive piece of junk

that anybody's ever seen and
then he strutted around

the room like he was
Francis Ford Coppola.

Our Tony, overconfident?
Huh!

Then I tried to tell him what
was wrong with the commercial

very gently.

Oh, you mean like
it being the most

offensive piece of junk
you've ever seen?

Well, it really was, Mother.

So, what you're saying is
you tore his work apart,

you humiliated him
in front of the class,

and you shattered his ego.

Well, if he can't take
a little constructive
criticism.

Well, that's why he's taking
the class, isn't it?

No, Angela, he took
the class because of you.

He wanted to impress you.

And he wanted to
make you proud.

-Really?
-Yes.

He worked very hard
on his project.

I know he did

and there are some very
good things about it.

Well, did you tell him that?

Well, no.

But, he just makes me so mad.

He just, he just
won't listen.

That's because
he cares too much
what you think about him.

Unless of course you don't
think he's wonderful,

then he doesn't
want to hear about it.

Mother, how am I going
to get through to him?

Well, you're the teacher.

Hit him with a ruler.

Oh...

Oh, Angela, he's just
another student.

No, he's not, he's not
just another student.

He's Tony.

And I expected
more from him.

More than half-naked
women covered in mud.

Degrading themselves.

It was offensive!

It was disgusting!

It deserved an F!

Mother, it deserved
lower than an F!

It deserved a G!

Well, Princess Di liked it.

And now I'd like to
introduce to you

the speaker for this evening,
Mr. Jeremy Eichen.

He's the Vice President
in charge of advertising

for Sunshine
Laundry Detergent.

Soap is my life.

He's looked at
your commercials

and he's agreed to give you
an objective opinion.

We're very lucky to have him.

Not only is he a good
friend of mine,

but he is the man who
pioneered the dripless spout.

It was nothing.

-Micelli did it.
-I don't know
what got into me.

I lost my head.

Mr. Micelli,

may I remind you
that this is adult education?

I'm not gonna take her
again next quarter.

And now, without further ado,

I would like to turn the
podium over to Jeremy.

Soap...

Everybody needs it,
but how do you sell it?

Now this woman you see before

you could sell cold water
detergent to an Eskimo.

Thank you, Jeremy.

But the question is, can you?

I'm sure you've
all heard there

are five rules of advertising.

-I know them.
-Forget 'em.

There's just one rule
I go on, guts.

Let me write that
down for you.

I wonder who could
have done that?

I'm sorry, Jeremy.

You were speaking about guts.

That's right.

I've been looking at some
of your commercials,

and quite frankly, my guts
says some of them stank.

ANGELA: Oh.

Jeremy, they're just students.

Well, you're right, Angela,

but selling soap
is a dirty business.

The American consumer
isn't going to buy

detergent from some
guy wearing a tiara.

I don't care who
he says he is.

Hey, hey, you should
have taken origami.

And one of you
had the audacity

to put a couple of
half-naked women in mud.

Jeremy, please...

And it's that kind of
audacity that sells soap.

It is?

It is?

-Where's Micelli?
-Yo.

Your Bouncy Flakes
commercial had me in a lather.

Come on up here, Micelli.
I want to shake your hand.

Hey, see that, Angela,
he liked my commercial.

And this is the guy who
pioneered the dripless spout.

Well, I agree, Jeremy, it was
very imaginative

in a muddy sort of way.

Yeah, then why did
you give me an F?

An F?

Yeah, you know,
like in fail, flunk, phooey.

I gave you an F

because your commercial had
one very serious flaw.

Now can somebody
tell us what that was?

-I know, I know!
-Mr. Micelli.

Hey, hey, I'm with
him remember.

I liked it.

Will it make you buy soap?

By the truck load.

What about you, Jeremy?

Well, actually, I don't buy
the soap in my family.

My wife does.

That's very interesting,

because in my household

the pig-headed
male housekeeper
buys the laundry detergent.

You have a male housekeeper?

-That's certainly...
-Watch it, pal.

Interesting, unusual,
very today.

So if women are the ones
who are buying the soap,

what would that mean,
Mr. Micelli?

That would mean
my commercial stank.

I forgot rule number five...

Know your target audience!

Thank you, Your Highness.

And if women are my
target audience,

they probably wouldn't like
the mud wrestling

as much as I do.

Ooh, I hate it when I'm wrong.

And I hate it even more
when you're right.

Thank you, Tony.
I accept your apology.

Tony, one more thing.

Your commercial wasn't the
most offensive piece

of junk I've ever seen.

I knew you liked it.
I knew you liked it.

Sit down, Mr. Micelli.

Yes, ma'am.

All right, then...

Now that we've
cleared the air...

-Angela, don't...

Does this belong to someone?

TONY: Who's the Boss?
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

I made you some tea and those
yummy cookies you like.

Thank you, Tony.

Oh, gee...
What are you doing there?

You're doing the grades?

Yep, I just got to Micelli.

-Isn't that a coincidence?
-Oh, well.

Might I ask, any changes?

Yes, Tony, in light
of your new

understanding of advertising,

I have decided to
change your grade.

I knew those cookies
would get to you.

To a "C".

A "C"?

Angela, I made those cookies
from scratch.

Well, we did have a slight
behavior problem, didn't we?

Aw, rats.

All right, Tony,

I will forget about
the airplane,

and the whoopee cushion,
and Battle-Ax Bower,

and grade you just on the
merits of your commercial,

-which means a "B".

If you promise me
there will be

no more childish pranks.

-Deal?
-Deal.