03x01 - In Search of... Martin

[bunniefuu]

Look...

I’m going to get away for a while,

All right, y’all?

Gina, I don’t know where i’ll end up,

But, gina...

I know I love you, girl.

You’re my boo, no matter what.

But, baby...

You deserve more than I could give you right now.

How could you leave me?

Man, we are engaged, martin.

I love you.

I need you.

I hope you’re all right

’Cause when I find you, i’ma snap your neck.

[Upbeat hip-hop music]

- ♪ Martin lawrence

- Yo, what’s up?

- ♪ Martin

- How y’all feel?

- ♪ Guess who’s, guess who's, ♪

♪ Guess who’s, guess who's, ♪

♪ Guess who’s back? ♪

- ♪ Martin lawrence

O.k., Cole. Here. Take these.

Right here.

All right then.

"Lost boyfriend. Have you seen this man?"

Hey, gina, this brother look kind of familiar.

That’s martin, cole.

Now, tack those up on every tree you can find,

And don’t stop until you get to arizona.

Now, go, go, go, go.

Tommy, I want you to put martin’s picture

On the back of some milk cartons, right,

And pass them all around school.

You know, martin loves the kids.

Martin loves the kids, boy.

Tommy, he’s not a kid.

Gina, gina, gina, baby,

You’re bugging, honey.

I’m only doing what any sane, normal person would do

To find a loved one.

Now can I borrow $?

I need to pay for the searchlight.

Gina, gina, baby, i’ll pay for the searchlight.

You will?

Yes!

I want you to get some rest.

O.k.

Rest.

O.k. He’s so good to me.

Gina. Gina...

You’re going to have to pull yourself together.

I mean, look at you, gina.

Look how pale you are.

This is my natural complexion, pam.

Oh. My bad.

Look, gina, you’re gonna have to face the truth now.

Martin is not coming back.

You’re sitting up here worried about his behind.

He left you. You didn’t leave him.

You’re beginning to act like you’re--

What?

What you trying to say, i’m crazy?

No. You think i’m crazy.

Go ahead and say it.

Say it, pam. Say i’m crazy.

O.k., Gina, look. No sudden moves.

Good. ’Cause you are sitting down, shutting up,

And we’re going to watch this tape again.

No. No. No.

You are--you’re-- you’re watching.

Please, please, madame anaconda, please,

You are my last hope.

Please find my martin, please.

I’m getting something from this sweater.

O.k. Good, good, good.

I see a head.

A big apple head.

A muscle butt.

Uh, excuse me, excuse me.

No, i’m sorry, that's-- that’s my shirt.

Here. Try this one.

Ah. Much better vibes.

Sorry about that.

I’m seeing a man.

Yeah.

A tall, very, very tall, dark, muscular man.

That’s not my man.

I’m not finished.

Oh, o.k.

He’s standing next to a short,

Scraggly, scrawny--

That’s him! That’s him! That’s him!

That’s my martin.

All right, where is he?

I don’t know. [Gasp] it’s a city.

What city?

Oh, no. Oh, no.

It’s starting to fade.

Oh, don’t start this again.

It’s fading.

Come on.

It’s fading.

I’m out of cash.

It’s gone.

You know, I feel that eventually

You will come into some money.

And when you do, call me back.

Madam anaconda, I need something to go on. Come on, please.

Oh, o.k.

Thank you.

The answer will be right in front of you.

That’s good enough.

Good. Got it. Right in front of me.

All up in here.

All up in here.

[Knock knock]

Martin! Martin--

You o.k.?

Pam said you weren’t feeling well.

You need anything? Soup? Tea?

Straitjacket?

Shut up! Just shut up!

Don’t be hitting me.

You was the one saying, "oh, she crazy."

Hey, hey!

I don’t know where your hands have been.

Look, I don’t need anything.

I need martin. That’s what I need.

Come on. Let’s clean up around here.

Open your stack of mail.

Come on. Clean up, clean up.

Gina, look, I don’t know why you’re moping around here.

To be honest with you,

Martin has done some mean, cruel, cold-hearted things to us,

And y’all know that, too.

He’s rude, he's loud, he’s cheap.

He used to crack on me all the time.

Called me heady murphy.

Yeah. Made jokes about my big shirley.

Called her free willy and all.

Yeah, but on the other hand,

Martin always had a brother’s back, you know?

Yeah. Big shirley is big.

It ain’t like martin named her.

Y’all are making me sick.

Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

We’re backing out! We’re backing out!

No! No, no, no, no!

Look at this! Look at this!

What? What?

It’s a canceled check of martin’s.

It’s dated last week,

And it’s made out to the golden palace.

Golden palace.

Ain’t that a massage parlor over on euclid?

I got a -for- coupon for that joint.

Look. The address is stamped on the back.

Far pines, michigan? That’s in the boonies.

See? See? Brother’s chillin’, you know?

Sipping on some s,

Getting all oiled up by some hootchie mamas

Wearing nothing but towels,

Giving him mad play.

Boy, get away from me.

Oh, that ain’t going to happen.

No, no, gina, do you realize

That that place is six hours from here?

Not the way I drive.

Oh, god.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

♪ Ah-ha

♪ Ah-ha

We come together here today

At the lost and found nation of righteous believers

And other worshippers of life, love,

And pursuit of happiness,

To see the light...

And to get yourself right.

♪ Ha-ha

♪ Ha-ha

What the hell did we roll up on?

Wait, wait, wait, maybe this isn’t the right place, o.k.?

I know my baby wouldn’t be up in here.

We invite our latest lost soul

To come in from the cold,

To see the light and to get himself right.

And he is going to testify for us right now.

Brother shaquille sunflower.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Na-gee-ram-ba...

Martin.

Martin.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

I used to be large.

I had the number radio show in the world.

I’m sure you must have heard of it--

Whazzup?

You see, I was searching for happiness

In all the wrong places.

You know, it’s not in some motel, hotel,

Holiday inn.

No. It’s in that little place

I like to call the heart.

Brother sunflower.

Yes.

It’s time for the supreme test of faith.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Na-gee-ram-ba.

Lay down, brother.

No. I’m cool. I got some rest earlier.

I ain’t sleepy.

It’s all in the mind.

Lay yourself down and believe, brother.

Lady, I ain’t--

All right. Hey, all right.

Ya ain’t got to be rushing me, y’all.

I hardly know y’all.

Anybody don’t want me to do this,

Please speak up.

Go! Go! Go! Go!

All right, all right, all right.

Ouchie! Ouchie! Ouch!

Ouch!

Na-gee-ram-ba!

Ouch!

Here we go.

Ooh!

Aah!

Ow!

Aah!

Aah!

Wait, wait, wait. Let’s see where this goes.

Martin!

I did it! I did it!

I did it! Aah!

I did it! Aah! Na-gee-ram-ba!

Na-gee-ram-ba!

We’re going to be all right!

We’re just going to keep rising!

Na-gee-ram-ba!

I kept the faith. I kept the faith.

Everything’s going to be all right.

I got a splinter in my a*s.

[Chanting]

Brother rock...

Without you, the world would be nothing.

All these years I have ignored your presence.

To most people, you’re just a rock,

But to me, you’re special.

Excuse me?

Right.

Martin.

Martin.

Baby. Oh, baby. Oh, baby, oh, baby!

Baby, baby, look at you!

Hey. Hey.

God, I love you, martin.

Baby, what is this place?

Where you been? What are you doing here?

Nothing. Just chilling.

Chilling with my rock, gina.

Chilling with your rock?

Yeah.

Man, what is up with you?

What’s the matter with you,

You can’t call a brother?

Where was I going to call you, tommy,

At work?

Hey, look, look, look, martin.

I don’t care what you did, all right,

As long as you’re o.k.

Uh, right now i’m a little hungry, though,

So tell a brother

Where he can get some of that temple grub.

Baby. Baby. Hey, let’s go home. O.k.?

We’ll talk about everything.

We’ll work everything out, o.k.?

Let’s just get your things. We’re going home.

I can’t leave, gina.

My quest for knowledge has not yet reached completion.

Martin, now cut the crap

And bring your ike turner-looking a*s up on out of here

So I can get up out of this hot-a*s robe and get out of here.

Sister’s trying to test me.

The old martin’s on vacation.

Shaquille sunflower’s with you now.

Shaquille sunflower?

Listen up, shaq.

What you doing with the rock?

Funny you would ask, my janitorial friend.

I’m communing with its oneness.

You’re talking to a rock.

I can tell ’cause the rock looks bored.

Uh-huh.

Excuse me.

The next time you come,

You’re going to have to tie your camel up outside.

We don’t allow animals in the shrine.

We don’t have food for the animals--

Knock it off, martin!

We don’t have hay.

We don’t have any of that for her.

We don’t have it.

Look...look...

I’m not gonna say it again-- we’re going home.

And i’m not going to say it anymore--

I can’t go with you.

I’m on a journey, and I have transcended.

Well, you can transcend on up out of here, martin.

Things have changed.

How have they changed, sunflower?

I’m celibate.

Ain’t no more of that.

No more.

Ain’t going to be no more of this for a while.

No more.

I can’t do it no more.

They say in the shrine you got to chill on this.

I am celibate.

That’s what i’m saying, man.

I’m ready to celebrate, too.

Yeah. Got us the champagne

And bean pods out in the van.

Martin, martin, you’re stressing me, o.k.?

You’re stressing me out.

I came here because i--

Excuse me. Look, dumbflower,

Personally I think you should stay

For as long as it takes.

The place is nice. You’re eating.

The robe looks great. Let’s go, y'all.

Hold on, my masculine friend.

See, what you don’t understand

Is I am no longer shackled

By the trappings of this world.

I was lost in a world of--

Of--of--of car payments, taxes, rent.

But that’s why I came here--

To find my future self--

Queen of my past.

Let me tell you something, all right?

You haven’t given up anything.

You’re running from yourself,

Not trying to find yourself.

Go on your own journey

Before you criticize me.

Hell, all of you,

Walk in my shoes.

Payne, why should I go walking in your shoes?

You think--

Because i’m here because all of you--

You talk with that rock?

All of you have done what you’ve done to me.

Hold on! Hold on!

Now, maybe in another life on another level,

Our paths will cross.

But right now what I think you ought to do

Is pack up your camel and go!

Please, everyone, watch the hump.

Martin, you have finally lost your everlovin’ mind.

What I think you should do is go!

What I think you should do

Is have somebody braid the rest of your nappy hair!

Hey, bro.

Yeah.

I thought we were boys, man.

I thought we were too.

Used to be my homey.

Now you’re acting like you don’t know me.

I don’t know you, cole. I don’t know you.

Martin,

I love you,

But you are pushing me to the limit.

All the things that we’ve been through,

And you’re going to do this?

I’ll be there for you, martin.

I’ve been there.

But I won’t wait forever.

I don’t know any woman who could do that.

Now you can tell that to brother rock.

Brother shaquille.

Brother sunflower.

You wanted to see me?

Yes, your motherness.

Uh, i’m in a state of transition right now.

I’m doubting my calling.

But you’re a natural-born fiery persuader.

You can spread the word.

Not many can do that.

That’s why I want you

To be my high priest.

Straight up?

You--you--you ain’t frontin’ on me?

Oh...

O.k. If i’m going to be your high priest,

The first thing i’m gonna do,

I want to get rid of that bed of nails.

That can be tragic on a back.

Yes. But before you can become high priest,

There’s a special ceremony you must go through.

And it starts right now.

Ooh, mother of all mothers!

You’re on the menu, daddy,

And mama hasn’t eaten in weeks.

Ooh!

Come on!

[Music starts]

Yeah, yeah!

Hey, big daddy,

I feel a lot of love in this room.

I feel a lot of nasty love.

Come here, you sweet sexy thing, you.

Come on, baby.

Wait. Hold on now, roseanne,

I ain’t trying to cause no more problems

With you and tom now.

No, baby, come on, bring it here.

We’re supposed to be celibate.

Well, damn that. Come on.

No, no, now. Let’s not damn that.

Now, when I came here,

I was looking for something.

But now I realize

That what I was looking for

I had had at home the whole damn time.

So if you will excuse me, mamma yamma.

I got to go.

So i’ll see you when I see you.

Oh...

So you’re trying to play hard to get.

Well, I like that in a man.

But once you taste these goodies,

You’ll be begging like keith sweat.

Uh, uh, you want it? You want me?

Yes, baby.

Well, come here.

Yes, baby! Woo!

Give it to me! Give it to me!

No. No.

I won’t give it all to you now.

What? That’s right.

’Cause tonight I want to save some of it.

’Cause tonight you're going to be hollering.

You’re going to be screaming!

Oh, stop it, stop it, baby.

That’s not what you'll be saying tonight.

So what I need you to do

Is go upstairs, uh-huh,

And wait for me, o.k.?

Yes, baby.

I need you to slip in a little something

More less revealing,

O.k.?

And i’ll be right up.

Oh, no, you don’t.

You ain’t getting away from me.

I’ll slip into something sexy.

I’ll be right back.

Stay there, sweet meat.

Rah, rah, rah.

♪ Ooh

♪ Woo

[Bolting door]

If you’re nice,

I’ll let you search me for the key.

Damn, I ain’t never gonna find that key!

Oh!

I ain’t going to get out of here.

I got to get out of here.

Oh...brother rock...

I need to get home to my baby, gina.

I need her.

Brother rock, please...

Take me home.

[Crash]

I’m celibate.

None of that no more. None of that.

None of that.

No more of this.

No more of that.

No more of that.

No more of that?

No more of that.

No more of that.

No more of this.

No more of that.

Oh!

Oh!

Yes, it hurts.

Ouch!

Makes you want to puke, doesn’t it?