02x25 - No Love Lost

[bunniefuu]

[Upbeat hip-hop music]

♪

- ♪ Martin

♪ Martin

♪ Martin

- Lawrence, y’all.

What’s up? How y'all feel?

- ♪ Martin

♪ Martin

- Uh, baby, gina, I need your help.

- In a minute, martin.

So then what did you do?

What?

Uh-uh!

Ha! Uh-uh!

- Uh, uh, gina, baby,

I don’t know how to iron no shirt.

I need your help.

- Eeh!

Eeeh!

So--so--so what else he do, girl?

No!

[Laughs]

- Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ooh!

Gina, I burned my hand!

- Lisa--lisa--

Lisa, girl, i’ll call you back!

Bye!

- Ow! - Baby!

- [Shrieks]

- Oh, god.

What happened?

- Blow on it, blow on it!

[Whimpers]

- What happened, baby?

- I burned my hand on the iron!

- Oh, sh**t!

- I’m gonna get some butter.

Would you finish the shirt?

- Yeah, i’ll do it. - Thank you.

- I’ll do it.

- Ow. - Martin.

This thing isn’t even plugged in.

- That ain’t the point.

The point is who was you talking to, gina?

You know we got engagement party to go to, baby.

Now come on. Get it up.

- Hey, I was talking to lisa.

Can you believe her man, benny, disappeared for two days,

Said he was at the -.

- So what’s the problem?

- Come on, martin.

He didn’t spend the whole weekend there.

- Hey, you don’t know that.

Okay?

They got a lot of good magazines up there in the -.

If I was married to lisa,

I’d go to the - too

For more than a damn burrito,

I’ll tell you that.

- So you, uh, condone that?

Leaving your woman and not telling her

Where you’re going?

You just, you know, condone that?

- Oh, gina.

Now, now, I don’t condone it.

I understand it, but I don’t condone it, no.

- Oh, you understand it?

Oh, you know what?

I’m not even gonna talk about it

Because I see where this is going, okay?

It’s not even--

- You know what, baby?

You know what? You’re right.

You are right, girl.

Why are we arguing like this

On the night of our engagement party, gina?

Huh?

Because me and you,

We are not like benny and lisa.

We are here, baby.

Here!

- Okay.

- Huh? - Mm-hmm.

- All right.

Now look here.

When you iron this, iron the whole shirt.

Not just the front of it like you do yours, all right?

And hurry up because we’re in a rush.

Come on, baby. Let’s go.

- Okay.

Tommy, you think I got enough chairs?

- How many people are you expecting?

- About .

- Yo, I don’t know why you didn’t let me

Invite my friends, okay?

Big-boned brenda and them...

Would’ve got naked for nachos,

You know what i’m saying? They wild.

[Knocking]

- This is not one of your house parties.

Cole, this party is classy.

- Oh, oh!

Oh-oh-oh!

I say jerome’s in the house!

I say jerome’s in the--

Ah-oh, ah-oh!

Watch your mouth!

I say jerome’s in the house.

- Ah, jerome.

- Yeah.

- What are you doing here?

- Hey, why the hell would you ask a dumb question,

Heady riley, huh?

It’s a party, ain't it?

Everybody’s talking about it down at the bus station.

Oh, man!

Macaroni tony and nappy red,

Oh, they say this the spot here!

- Cole! - Huh?

- You told everybody?

- Uh, no.

Uh, just nappy red, okay?

I have no idea how macaroni tony found out.

- Stupid!

- Watch it now.

Oh, bubbly brown sugar!

Oh, watch it now.

If it ain’t bad pamajamma.

Girl, look at you!

- All right.

- All stacked up like some flap jacks.

- All right.

- Ooh!

Whoa.

Come on over here and give jerome a hug

So we can make pigs in a blanket,

Mrs. Butterworth!

- Okay.

All right, jerome.

All right!

How you doing--

Oh, all right. Okay.

- Don’t do me like that.

You know I been chasing you for a while.

- Jerome.

- Man, if nothing else don’t happen in my life,

I got to have it.

- Yeah, that’s wonderful.

- Got to have it.

- Excuse me, mr. Romy-rome.

- Eh?

- See, this is no offense, brother.

But this here, jerome,

Is a private--a private party, b--bro.

- Man, slow your roll, please, man!

I’m over here!

- I realize.

- Head lookin’ like a big-a*s glycerin ball.

All right!

Now young un over there invited me and my nephew.

- Wait a minute, jerome.

Who’s your nephew?

- It’s the d-o-double-g, ’cause that'd be me.

I hope you don’t mind me and a few of the homeboys

From the dogg pound stopping through,

Making your party live-er than what it was.

- Hell yeah, snoop, we mind!

It ain’t that kind of party, bro.

- Hey, pam--

- You got to step and raise on out.

It ain’t that kind of party in here.

- Pam, chill, okay?

- Yo, it’s just a few more brothers.

Snoop, let ’em in. It’s cool, it's all good.

- Cole, this is my party!

- Uh-uh!

No! No!

Uh-uh! Wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

Okay.

Wait a minute, y’all!

This ain’t that kind of party, y’all.

Hello?

Y’all got to roll

’Cause it ain't that kind of party, okay?

- Gina, you know I was just playing about the shirt, baby.

Come on, now.

Stop acting like a baby and open the door, gina.

I need to get my deodorant,

Thank you!

- You sure do need it, dr. Funkenstein!

Why don’t you play some stinky music, funk boy!

- You know what?

Fine, gina!

Fine!

You want to act childish?

Fine, gina, act childish.

But i’m gonna be a man about this,

And I will apologize like I always do.

Gina, marty-mart is sorry.

Are you happy now?

- That’s all you had to say in the first place.

We could’ve been out of here and dressed a long time ago.

- No! No, gina!

You been in there all that damn time and you ain’t dressed yet?

Why are you playing these games?

Girl, get in there. Get dressed.

Let’s go.

- Don’t tell me what to do!

You don’t own me!

I can dress when I feel like it.

- Fine.

Baby, fine.

Take your time. You know what?

Your man was just trying to help you out.

I mean, you know how long it takes you

To put on your make-up.

Correction.

Go through metamorphosis.

Erg!

Ugh.

Ech.

- You are the most arrogant,

Pompous, jackass in the world.

I wish you would just--

No, don’t even--

- [Humming]

I’m not hearing you.

I’m not hearing you.

Is there somebody in the apartment?

- Are you gonna play those games?

Fine, martin, I won’t say nothing to you!

By the way, that suit you’re getting ready to wear tonight,

That’s tacky.

Tackiest thing in the world.

Whack, wh-wh-whack. Whack, whack.

- I’ll tell you what.

When i’m finished with it,

I’ll put it back in your father’s closet.

Aaah!

- Fine, fine, fine, martin.

And while you’re in there,

Get my father’s clippers

So you could give your mother a shave, all right?

All right?

That was a good one!

That’s a good one!

- You want to take that back?

Look, why you got to go there?

Why you got to go there, gina?

- I’m not hearing you!

I’m not hearing you!

Is there somebody in this raggedy-a*s apartment?

- Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, but why you got to copy?

Why you got to copy?

That’s why you ain’t original enough

To come up with your own sayings like I do!

[Together] lalalalalalalala!

- Get away from me! Get away from me!

[Together] lalalalalalala!

All: ♪ the roof

♪ The roof is on fire

♪ We don’t need no water ♪

♪ Let the sucker burn

♪ Burn sucker

♪ Burn sucker

[Shouting]

- Oh, man, but you got to listen to your uncle, snoop.

Okay, man?

Let me tell you something.

I was in the music business myself.

See, when I was your age,

I was uh-uh-uh doo-woppin’ and show-stoppin’.

I had this little harmonizer thing,

Used to go like this.

Check it out.

♪ Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo

Yeah!

- Uncle jerome,

You know I ain’t into all them old love songs and things.

I be rapping about it straight real,

You know that.

- Hey, boy, what is you talking, real?

I’ll tell you what's real,

Snoop doggy dogg.

When the music stops,

You got to have something to fall back on.

That’s why I got my phd in mackology.

You see, i’ve macked in five different languages.

Check it out.

First one is spanish.

Que pasa, mujer?

Que pasa, mujer?

Second one, chinese.

[Gibbers]

- It’s all good.

You know what i’m saying?

But I ain’t going out like that.

I keep my mind on my money and my money on my mind.

Know what i’m saying?

- What? Listen to your uncle, boy.

I’m trying to talk to you. Now listen.

That’s the problem with you young gipper-gappers.

Let me tell you where i’m at with mine, huh?

You got to stop wearing your pants off your a*s.

You got to dress like romey-rome!

I’m a fashion statement, man!

- Check it out, jerome.

No disrespect, uncle.

But I don’t love them clothes.

- But you love them hoes!

Let me tell you something, boy!

- Whoo!

- Girl, what is she--

Ew!

Ew!

What?

What do you want?

- I came to get my groove on.

- Oh, wait a minute.

You’re my favorite quarterback.

Aren’t you warren moon?

- No, i’m the other one,

Randall cunningham.

- Good enough.

- All right.

- Ow.

Say party over here!

Say party over here!

- Why are you always making us late, gina?

- Me?

- Yeah, you.

Who else am I talking to.

Yeah, you, gina.

Huh?

Baby, you do this all the time.

It’s because of you

We missed the first two minutes ofjurassic park,gina.

By the time we got there, the only brother in it was dead.

Gone.

Rest in peace.

- Oh, you want to go all the way back tojurassic park,fine.

I could go back even further.

I could go all the way back tocooley high.

- Girl,cooley high?

Please, we weren’t even dating then.

- I know.

That’s why I got to see the whole movie.

You all up in here with eh-eh-eh-eh!

- Oh, ha ha!

Well gina, you got to see it all?

Well I guess the person behind you didn’t get to see it

With that kickball head of yours, huh?

I can’t see!

Who’s it starring?

Excuse me, lady.

Move your head, will you?

Urr.

[Growls]

Excuse me. Thank you.

- Yeah, well you may not have seen it, martin,

But you damn sure heard it with those satellite dishes

You got stuck on the side of your head.

[Makes radar sound]

- Gina, you ain’t--

A ear joke. Ha ha!

How clever, gina! - Ha ha.

- How do you come up with such original material?

Baby, let me tell you something.

When it comes to the ears,

[Laughs corrosively]

Done heard ’em all.

Done heard ’em all.

- Oh, martin, please.

And the big head jokes, please.

That was brilliant.

Where you gonna go next, huh? Where you gonna go?

- You know what?

I’ll tell you where i’m not going,

Miss my-mouth-just-got-me in-trouble-

Trying-to-stomp-with- the-big-dog,

I won’t be going to that whack-a*s engagement party.

I’ll tell you that!

- Fine, martin, because I don’t want to go with you anyway.

- Girl, I wasn’t trying to go with you!

- Well, good! - Well good then, gina!

- You know what? You acting sick!

- You act just like a little baby!

[Wretches] you makemesick.

- I ain’t no baby!

- Don’t be slamming my door!

You wanna slam?

You wanna slam?

You wanna slam?

You wanna slam?

You wanna slam?

You wanna slam?

- Looky here, snoop.

I sent you a job application and my resume over six months ago.

Nobody’s gotten back with me yet.

What’s up with that?

- We was busy, dog.

What you do though?

- ♪ I can rap, and I can sing ♪

♪ I can imagine to the world the joy that I can bring ♪

♪ But the first thing that you know I got to do ♪

♪ Is I got to be down with snoop doggy dogg ♪

♪ And the doggy dogg crew

[Howls, barks]

Yes.

- Don’t meet up with all that barking, dog.

I didn’t come here for that.

I mean, business hours are from : to :.

You understand what i’m saying?

I’m here to get mine on if you don’t mind.

- Whoa, whoa, but what i’m saying here, man,

Is i’m straight out of trailer park,

You know what I mean?

That’s a whole other market

That you ain’t even tapped into yet, huh?

Just think of it as a white project on wheels, man.

You know what i’m saying?

Here’s my demo tape.

It’s from the old school.

Eight track, all right.

You know what i’m saying?

Don’t miss the boat.

- You a ball player, man!

You a ball player!

Let me rap to ya!

Now look here.

Romey-rome need your help, man.

I want to open up a rib joint,

But my money’s funny, and my credit won’t get it.

Now I can put you on for $,.

- Man, I ain’t got $,.

- You’re lying!

Okay, how about $,?

- No.

- Look here, randall, all right.

$ And a food stamp.

Come on, man!

I got to get my car out the impound.

- Look, man.

- Eh!

- Raggedy mouth.

All I came here--

- Raggedy?

- Raggedy mouth.

- Raggedy mouth?

- All I came here to do was have a nice time

Before I go to camp.

So take your jermaine jackson perm out of my face.

- You don’t know me, do you?

You better ask somebody.

I’ma tell you, man.

Let me tell you something, man.

You better watch your mouth

Or you’ll miss another season, huh?

Huh, lookin’ like--

Lookin’ like you done combed your hair with a brick.

Oh, yeah!

- Man, get out my face.

- I’m going to the boot!

I’m going to the boot!

Bam!

I got to come to the dog pound!

I got wreck!

- Look, girl, ah!

- Oh, what’s up, brother man?

- Nothing.

Just chillin’.

I heard through the grapevine

Y’all had some gumbo up over here.

So I just came by to hook me up a bowl.

- Word.

- Uh, brother man, check this out here.

Man, look, i’ve been meaning to ask you something, okay?

Look, how come you never use the front door

Like everybody else?

Talk to me.

- ’Cause that ain't the way I roll.

- Okay, fine.

Uh, but brother man,

Gina doesn’t have a fire escape and we six flights up.

What’s up? Come on.

- Sometime a brother got to do what a brother got to do.

[Phone rings]

- Pssht.

- Pssht.

- Pppssshht!

- Ppppsshhhhh!

- Pppsssssshhhhhh!

- Hey, did they pick up?

They there?

- No, nobody’s answering.

I think they already left.

- Yo, all the brew’s gone!

[Groaning]

- Hold up, hold up, hold up.

Y’all don't even trip.

It’s the after-party at my crib,

You know what i’m saying?

[Cheering]

- Snoop, I thought you lived in l.a., Man.

- I do, but I got some limos outside

And some planes at the airport.

[Cheering]

- Uh-uh! Uh-uh! Uh-uh!

Hold up!

Ain’t nobody going nowhere!

Y’all gonna help me clean this place up.

That’s what you're gonna do.

Snoop, I don’t care who you are.

Listen, man, I know your mother done raised you right,

So get to cleaning!

Come on, y’all!

Move it! Move it!

And put the carpet back!

- Hey, gina,

Let me tell you something.

I am not a little man, gina.

Everybody else is just big.

Baby, you gonna take that back.

- Not until you take back everything you said first.

- Gina, why do I have to apologize first

All the damn time?

You started it.

- How did I start it, martin?

- Talking about i’m short, gina.

When I sit on the toilet, my legs swing, huh?

- No, no, not--

That was only after you had said

My bottom lip was so big that if I pull it over my head,

I could wear it as a beanie.

That wasn’t right.

- Gina-- - no.

No.

- All right, all right, fine.

Maybe I did say that, baby.

But you know I didn’t mean it.

Gina, I love your lips.

Why are you trippin’?

- Because, martin,

When you said that, um...

About...

What’d he say?

You really like my lips?

- Girl, you know I love them soup coolers.

[Blowing]

Blow the soup.

- I love your head handles.

- You love my head handles?

[Both make radar sound]

Girl!

- Oh, honey, look at us!

Arguing over nothing,

And pam is throwing us this engagement party

And we’re not even there.

- That’s right, girl.

Look, look, look.

Let’s get dressed, huh?

And get over to our engagement party, huh?

- Okay.

- Probably got people over there mad,

Girl, worried to death about us!

- Martin, let’s not argue over stupid things, okay?

- Better yet, we haven’t really made up.

- Martin.

No.

No, we don’t have the time.

We late. - Gina.

Gina, we already done wasted two hours.

Two more minutes ain’t gonna make a difference, gina.

- No! No!

- Okay, fine, i’ll cut it down to seconds.

- Oh!

See what i’m saying about your friend?

- Martin.

- She’s your friend, okay?

Why does b.d.b. Got to be like that, huh?

That’s why she don't have no man.

Always lying.

In some homes, they call it fibbin’.

- She’s my friend.

- Baby, if you ever fib to me,

I’m gonna have to leave you.

- Roscoe?

- Bruh man?

- No, baby, I don’t have a fire escape.

- Bear with it.

Bear with it.