02x12 - Hollywood Swinging (Part 2)

[bunniefuu]

You're exactly where you should be,

Where varnel hill was two years ago.

The man's bigger than arsenio.

♪ Kiss a pretty lady ♪

♪ And then sign them autographs ♪

♪ The varnel man tan sha-boing-boing ♪♪

Will you be in hollywood soon?

No, no.

Damn.

If you were in hollywood soon,

You'd be on my show.

I quit my job.

We all are going to hollywood.

I'm going to be on the varnel hill show.

Get your saddle. We heading out west.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

♪ Martin ♪

How y'all been? ♪ Martin

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Hollywood swingin' ♪♪

[Honk]

Yo!

I got to catch up with varnel.

His show starts in a hour.

Can we be out?

Thank you.

Martin, give me $.

I want to get this baseball cap

They got in there on sale.

You want $?

Oh, yeah.

That's just the down payment for the layaway.

What's spike doing, buying his acres and a mule??

You got to do without that cap today.

Ohh!

How you doing, sweetheart?

All right there.

Ahh.

Whazzup?

Can we be gone?

I got places to be.

Baby, baby.

Chill, o.k.?

We have plenty of time.

We're on vacation, remember?

Ahh! Ahh!

Denzel washington!

Where, girl?

Right there!

Where, pam?

Yo, denzel!

Yo!

We from detroit.

Shut up! Shut up!

I'm going to play this cool.

Say hi for me.

Denzel!

Denzel!

It's me!

Pam!

Uh...

Oh!

Come back with that car!

Hey!

Pam!

Oh, my god.

She--

Hey, well, forget her.

We got to go.

Hey, man.

All right.

Yeow!

Woo!

All right, check it out.

Look at the limo.

Remember he was telling us about the limo?

Gina, this is the deal.

You and cole go in and get the seats.

Tommy, you roll with me.

We got to find varnel.

I have a really bad feeling about this.

Varnel hasn't returned your phone calls.

You don't come to l.a.

And expect to get on the varnel hill show.

Gina! Gina!

Please, baby, I don't want to raise on you.

The process is he invited me,

And we're here, o.k.?

Support your man, that's all I ask.

It's really hot.

Why won't you stop embarrassing me?

Yah! Tommy!

Varnel hill's green room.

Boy, we in there!

We in there!

Smell that, boy?

Now, that's hollywood.

No, martin, what I think you're smelling is madonna.

Gina's going to freak.

All in the green room.

She don't even get in the green room.

Well, look here, man.

I got to handle some business.

You lay low while I go schmooze with the stars.

You know why?

'Cause we in the house.

That what I'm talking about.

[Pam] denzel, I won't hurt you.

I only want to love you.

Yo!

Burt!

What up, burt? How you living?

That ain't loni. O.k.

What are you all doing?

Yo, tommy!

Burt's got the white man's weave.

You got the money to pay for it.

You a trip, though.

You want some of me, michael?

You want some of me?

I'll tell you,

Send your papa joe over here.

I'll show him what an a*s whupping's about.

Go about your business.

You're not the real michael anyway.

Real michael got glitter on his socks.

Tommy.

I'm getting ready to bust michael up.

We got to get out of here.

Let's go find varnel, please.

O.k. But, martin, i, um...

Trying to get with that.

Trying to get with that?

O.k., Well, uh...

Handle your business.

Handle your business.

But, remember.

You are in hollywood.

Check the neck.

Check the adam's apple.

Bad.

Bad.

Yo, v!

It's me, martin.

It's your boy.

Whazzup?

Yo, v, you in there?

I know you are.

Ohh!

It's your boy! Whazzup?

Uh...

Marky.

Come on, man. Martin.

Wzup detroit in the house.

Martin.

Yeah. Martin.

What's happening, man?

What are you doing here in hollywood?

Remember? You said if I was ever in hollywood

To stop by.

Yeah.

I'm here!

So when am I on?

I said it, I'm going to do it.

Lay up in the audience for now,

And I'll hook that up like it ain't no thing.

Ain't nothing but a g-thing.

You're all right, man.

What'd I say?

'Cause you take--

Varnel.

I peeled this grape for you.

Varnel, come back. I miss you.

Come on, varnel. We don't start soon,

I won't get my turn.

Rick james is on the phone.

He wants to know why you dogged him.

Whoo! Hollywood.

Let me get your door.

Excuse me, ladies.

All right, take care.

Good evening.

Oh.

For me?

Come to hollywood, get a grape.

Trick or treat.

All right, man.

You might want to get you some sisters, bro.

I'm going to be on tv!

Mama!

[Theme music plays]

From stage in hollywood, california,

It'sthe varnel hill show,

With special guests michael jackson, madonna,

And musical guests jodeci.

And now, the original hollywood swinger himself...

Varnellllllll hilllll!

[Applause]

Whoa!

Ha ha!

Did you miss me?

Of course I did.

But let me ask you something.

Whazzup?

Whazzup? Whazzup?whazzup?

No, no, no. He did not.

No, no.

Oh, oh...

Yo, he stole your line.

No, he didn't.

No, no.

I know what he doing.

I just rapped to him backstage.

He's calling out to me. Whazzup!

Right back at ya.

Yeah, it's a call he's doing for you.

Welcome to the varnel hill show.

Any cat people in the house tonight?

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

What about them dogs?

Woof woof! Woof woof!

Hey, gerren,

I'm going to tell you one more time,

Can we get some human beings in the audience?

[Cole]martin!

Martin.

Yeah?

What the hell are you laughing at?

He's corny, man.

Until I get my three minutes on this show,

He's eddie murphy, and I'm arsenio hall.

How are you all doing?

I'd like you to meet a very good friend of mine.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Fred "rerun" berry.

Y'all, come on.

Oh, man...

What you going to say, baby?

What's happenin'?

All right.

Hold on.

Hold on.

O.k., Both of you glossy.

How you going to come up here--

"What's happenin'?"

You better get the pop locking up in here.

What the hell's wrong with you, man?

I'm the only one to watch what's happening?

Snooky.

Baby, don't say anything to me right now, please.

Yeah, I'm a model,

But I really want to be an actress.

Really?

Good for you.

Good for you.

The lighting in here is absolutely beautiful, isn't it?

Uh-huh.

What are you doing?

Nothing, nothing, baby.

Just admiring your neck, that's all.

Look a little swollen.

I'm just getting over a cold.

A cold.

Yeah.

She getting over a cold.

Yeah.

Look here, brother.

I don't know who you think you're fooling,

But you thought you had me,

Didn't you, ru paul?

Hey, hey, you know what?

All you damn hollywood people are sick!

And, you,

You need jesus!

Baby, I hate to tell you.

There's minutes left in the show.

It doesn't look like varnel will get to you.

Baby, please.

Open your eyes and--

The eyes are open.

Looking for my time to be out there.

This is a time I need you to support me.

I need you there.

I love you, o.k.?

I--i love you, man.

We both love you.

Much love to you.

It's not going to happen.

No, it's not.

Oh, it's going to happen.

All I need is three minutes.

That's why I came here.

He owes me. Please.

Here we go, man.

In , , , ...

All right, man.

This next group is tearing up the charts

Hotter than baked clams.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's give it up

For jodeci.

[Applause]

♪ Ohh ohh ohh ♪

♪ Lately ♪

♪ Lately I've had the strangest feelin' ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ With no vivid reason ♪

♪ Here to find ♪

♪ But yet the thought of losin' you ♪

♪ Been hangin' around my mind ♪

♪ K.c., Sing it, sing it ♪

♪ Far more frequently ♪

♪ You're wearin' perfume ♪

♪ And with you say your special ♪

♪ Place to go ♪

♪ But when I asked will you ♪

♪ Be comin' back soon ♪

♪ You don't know ♪

♪ Said you would never, never-- ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I'm a man of vision ♪

♪ I hope I did not cast out ambition ♪

♪ 'Cause what I really feel ♪

♪ I'm chilling on varnel hill ♪

♪ K.c. ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Onvarnel hill ♪

[Continues to sing]

♪ Goodbye ♪

♪ Just stay away ♪

Yes.

♪ Stay away ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, hey ♪

[Imitating scat singing]

♪ Baby, I got the strangest feelin' ♪

You thought it was over, didn't you?

♪ For, baby, I ♪

♪ Had the strangest feelin' ♪

♪ You know, girl ♪

♪ I think you're cheatin' on me ♪

♪ Me and jodeci think you're cheatin' on us ♪

♪ You know? ♪

♪ You tell me you're goin' out ♪

♪ For a big gulp to -eleven ♪

♪ Then you never come back with a gulp ♪

♪ I got the strangest feelin' ♪

♪ Baby, I have the strangest feelin' ♪

♪ You ain't gonna lie to me, baby ♪

♪ 'Cause you do-o-o-on't ♪

♪ Dooonnnn't ♪

♪ Doooonnn't ♪

♪ Ahhhh ahhh ahhh ♪

♪ Ahhh, knick knack paddy-whack ♪

♪ Ohh, knick knack paddy-whack ♪

♪ Give the dog a bone ♪

♪ Give the dog ♪

♪ Give the dog a bone ♪

♪ Give the dog a... ♪

♪ A bone ♪♪

Mmm! Right on.

How you all doing?

Madonna, you might want to move down.

Jodeci. One more time.

Give it up.

The boys are bad.

You never know who you're going to see.

Jodeci.

We'll be right back. Will you miss me?

♪ If I dig ♪

♪ Now then ♪♪

Clear!

What the hell is your problem?

You've lost your mind!

Hold on. Calm down.

You promised me I would be on the show.

I figured it slipped your mind,

So I just jumped out.

I never promised you!

They might not be on my show again.

That's hollywood talk, man.

Don't you get it?

Hey, rerun!

How many times have I invited you to my house?

Hundreds.

How many times have you actually been to my house?

None!

What would happen if you came to my house?

I'd probably get sprayed.

See that?

Cappin' his behind, man.

That's what happens. That's hollywood talk.

You're telling me all that was hollywood talk,

The little catfish thing we rapped about?

All that was hollywood talk.

Is that what you're saying?

Bingo, amigo.

Snookie!

You're calling your--

Dowork!

Oh, no. That's wrong, varnel!

That's wrong, "v."

That may be hollywood talk to you,

But we're from detroit.

Hey, detroit's in the house!

You know what I'm saying.

Detroit's in the house.

You promised my man his three minutes,

You going to give him his three minutes.

Give my man his three minutes.

Three minutes!

Three minutes! Three minutes!

Three minutes! Three minutes!

Three minutes! Three minutes!

Three minutes! Three minutes!three minutes!

Did you think I wasn't going to have him on for three minutes?

Of course I was. What's three minutes?

Varnel! Varnel!

Varnel! Varnel!

Varnel! Varnel!

Varnel! Varnel!

I don't never want to hurt nobody.

I just wanted my time.

In ...

...

, , .

Welcome back.

I'm sitting here with a newcomer, up and coming,

Came out to hollywood just for a little spell.

How's it been out here?

It's so...

[Music plays]

Oh, we're out of time!

I'm glad you could join us.

Will you miss me?

I'll see you in .

Are they training the monkey

To talk in hollywood or is that...

Clear!

Something they do.

When I walked up, I was on la brea.

Kid, this one's over.

So--so--so, light and bright.

You serious, brother?

We're not coming back after commercial?

You think I'm having some kind of mental conniption or something?

You have been a thorn in my a*s

Since this whole thing has begun!

Get it together or leave it alone!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

O.k., Man.

It's o.k., Man.

Get off of me, man!

We're all black people.

We qualify,

And get some of my latino friends up here.

Andale! Andale!

Who wants some snookies?

I'm about to bust your boy!

Stan, I want to come home.

Hollywood ain't what I thought.

Detroit's my home. I want to come home.

Cool? Stan, my man!

All right. Hey, I'm on the next plane.

Cool.

What?

Whazzup?

You ain't so bad without your boys!

You ain't bad. You ain't nothing!

I'm going to tell you, you better beat it, man.

Tito!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Whazzup?

No. Michael didn't swing on me.

No. You didn't swing on me.

Oh! Oh!

Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.

I bought la toya's album--

Michael can rumble!

Here he comes.

Denzel, denzel, hold it!

Hold it! Hold it!

Hold it, denzel!

I came all the way from detroit

To see you, denzel!

Excuse me. Do I know you?

Oh, no!

You're not denzel.

I am from africa.

I've never heard of this denzel.

Oh, my god. I'm so embarrassed.

I feel so stupid.

I'm sorry.

No, it's all right.

I was on my way to lunch.

Would you like to join me?

Are you cra--

Well, is this your limo?

Yes.

Is all of that your house?

Yes, it is.

Bet. Let's go.

You remind me so much

Of the women in my country.

Oh, really.

Oh, yes.

Your buckshots make me homesick.

May I call you bitty bead?