01x24 - Your Arms Are Too Short to Box with Martin

[bunniefuu]

How come you're the banker? You always cheat.

I don't.

You do, baby.

I'll be the hat.

Yo, pam, you should be the dog, as usual.

Yeah, martin, you could be the thimble.


♪ Martin ♪

How y'all been? ♪ Martin

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

I'm sorry I'm late.

I just couldn't drag myself from shannon's arms.

Y'all know what it's like when you're in love.

Oh, I'm sorry, cole. I'm sorry, pam.

Who's this girl?

I was working on the bench press.

She was working on one of them girlie machines.

What's a girlie machine, tommy?

Come on, act like you know.

That's where you get to peek.

What's she like, tommy?

She's beautiful.

She's about '", has caramel eyes and almond skin.

She's adorable-- the body of a goddess.

Does she still have that hair on her back?

You want to play some monopoly, baby?

Cool. Martin, how much money's under your shirt?

See? You're a cheater.

[Knock on door]

Your sleeve.

That's the pizza man.

Check his other sleeve.

If there's pork on it, I ain't paying for it.

O.k.

Excuse me.

Can I help you?

You don't just come up here,

Barging in people's house,

Disrespecting me and my partners.

This is my house. I pay rent here.

Is your name tommy? No.

Well, then, shut up.

Excuse me.

I'm tommy. Can I help you?

My name's trey. I need to talk to you about shannon.

Why, is she o.k.?

She's fine.

We just got to chitchat

And kick the actual factuals.

What?

He want to talk to you.

Oh, sure. We can step right outside and kick the actual factuals.

Right after you, gentlemen.

Whoa, whoa.

Whazzup?

Whoa, whoa, wait, wait.

What?

You all right, man? You want me to come?

Martin, I'm fine, man.

What the hell are they going to do, untie my shoes?

O.k., I'll be outside kicking the actual factuals.

But if you need us, let us know. Holler.

I got this certain urge to rent honey, I shrunk the kids.

[Thud]

What's that?

What's that?

Are you o.k.?

Yo, tommy.

Are you all right?

What happened, baby?

Tommy, whazzup?

I got jacked.

Well, that-- yo, for what?

I don't know.

It all happened so fast.

My new girlfriend is his ex-girlfriend.

Next thing I knew, they bum-rushed me.

Yo, you know what?

Pam, get tommy inside.

Gina, get my bat.

Me and you're going to handle this.

What?

They hurt my boy.

They hurt my boy, gina.

Martin, martin, please, do not do this, o.k.?

Calm down.

Babe, you wouldn't understand.

It's a man thing, o.k.?

Don't nobody hurt one of my boys.

Cole, let's be out.

Let's go.

♪ I'm sicka these fools tryin' to run my life ♪

♪ I'm comin' with the two-line ♪

♪ Running after one time ♪♪

This is a little people's bar.

We cannot be getting in trouble in here.

I don't care if it's little people or big people.

Two of them hurt our boy, man, tommy, o.k.?

Let's handle this.

Hey, how you doing?

All right, man. How you doing, bro?

Look here, I'm looking for a brother named trey.

I know a trey.

Ice tray--he's over there in the freezer.

You should be a little comedian.

Ever heard of the def jam?

Huh? Huh? Huh? Aah!

Hey. Hey.

Huh? Aah!

Now rack 'em.

They think we're fools here.

We might have to hurt somebody.

Yeah.

Whazzup, man? How you doing?

You look like you're nosy.

We're looking for a brother named trey? Know him?

I don't know nobody.

Now step off, shaquille.

You don't know him?

Do you know him, man?

No, man.

Huh?

I don't know him.

Well, then, excuse me. My fault.

Yes, excuse us.

Howdy, partner.

How do?

I'm looking for a brother named trey. Ever heard of him?

Mira, uno, dos, tres. Sound familiar, hmm?

I don't know.

Why don't you go ask your mama?

[Imitating him] I don't know.

Why don't you go ask your mama?

O.k., All right.

Why don't i--aah!

Think it's a game, man?

Think I'm joking, man?

Think it's a game, man?

You think I'm joking?

Huh? Huh?

Huh? Huh?

Huh?

Give me that.

Now, listen up.

There's a new sheriff in town...

And his name is martin payne. Now--

And his deputy's name is cole bram.

Now, somebody in here's going to tell me where trey is.

Yo, looking for me?

I don't want any more trouble here.

Shut up, gary coleman.

You're damn right I'm looking for you, man.

You think you're going to get away with coming in my house

And knocking my boy out?

Oh, hell, no.

Let me tell you something before you get done

Like your boy just got done.

My old lady has a weakness for tall brothers,

So I'm going to flatten your cap, all right?

We're going to k*ll that noise.

See what I'm saying?

What's wrong? Are you scared, punk?

Punk?

Punk, huh?

Talking about a little punk, huh?

I gots to be a punk.

I gots to be names up here.

Is that what you're saying?

Huh? Punk?

Huh? Now, why do I got to be a punk?

You better go home, kareem,

Before I give my partner benny the word

And he go off on you.

That's right,

'Cause I'm crazy, man,

And I mean crazy!

Hyah! Hyah! Wa!

Hyah! Hyah! Wa!

[Blows raspberry] aah!

Now, I'm crazy, too.

Huh? Huh? Whazzup!

He's crazy!

Huh? Huh? Whazzup!

Aah!

Huh?

Now...let me tell you something, man.

You're going to apologize to my boy tommy.

You're going to apologize to me for disrespecting us.

You're going to do it now

Before I kick a knot in your little a*s.

We too short for a long conversation.

So, come on, little people.

Huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Aw, damn. Aw, damn.

Hold still.

My eye.

Let me get this straight.

You were attacked by people

All under feet tall?

That's right, officer.

Now, uh, where were their parents?

All right. They were grown men, o.k.?

This isn't funny, officer.

This is not no joke, of-fi-cer.

You're right, mr. Payne.

This is really not a joke,

Because if there's one thing tearing this country apart,

It's muggings by dwarfs.

You know what? You can raise up out of here with that.

Get to stepping, officer.

I should be going.

I've got to give a ticket

To that ufo double-parked in front of the building.

I love this job.

Whoo! Hee hee!

He was a lot of help.

No one's going to help us.

If we want protection,

We got to protect ourselves.

Do it my way.

Martin's right.

As much as I hate violence,

We've got to protect ourselves.

Stan knows someone who teaches self-defense.

I'll set up a lesson.

How do you know he's any good?

Because he's a master, cole.

Dragonfly jones,

Master of self-defense.

Whoppa!

It's cool this guy can teach us.

I wish martin would hurry.

This was his stupid idea.

[Knock on door]

Oh, no.

Hi.

Kee!

Now...

It is a pleasure for you to meet me.

I am...dragonfly jones,

And this is my obedient servant...

Kenji!

It's been three weeks-- time for you to give me my check.

Learning from the master is your pay, punk.

Now get in line.

Move it, huh?

Now, I will show you how to execute moves...

And render your opponent...powerless

And at yourmercy.

Watch as I will attack...

And disable...

My obedient servant...

Kenji!

Hey, dragon, before we do this,

We need to discuss my check.

At : they're cutting off my phone.

Shouldn't be on the phone anyway.

You should be practicing your art.

Now get over there, boy.

O.k.

All eyes...

On me.

Whoo! That was good!

[Pam] you fell good.

Hyah!

Hyah! Hyah!

That was neat.

That was good.

Hyah!

[Pam] all right.

Let's try this again.

My phone's about to get cut off.

Where's my damn money?

In my pocket.

See, I haven't hit him.

Are there any questions?

No. No.

None whatsoever.

No questions at all.

Have a nice day, then.

All right, sensei.

All right.

Yo, man,

So I get over to gina's house, right?

Uh-huh.

And dragonfly jones is laid out on the floor,

Surrounded by paramedics.

Uh, yeah, well, uh, you know,

He's not really a black belt.

Uh, he's a mechanic.

He gives a hell of a lube job, though.

Stan, why did you recommend him?

I owe him money,

And it seemed easier than paying him.

Are you still going down to that bar tonight?

Most definitely.

Last time they got us, but not this time.

I'm taking my boys with me

'Cause there's strength in numbers.

What about me, martin?

I'm not doing anything.

Come on, sean, you seem like an easygoing guy.

You ever been in a fight?

Yeah.

In high school I used to get beat up every single day.

Hey, sean, what good's that going to do me?

Well, I figure I can take some punches for you...

'Cause I can take a punch.

Not.

Martin!

What?

You have us in the middle of nowhere.

Well, you shouldn't have followed me.

I don't want you to get hurt.

It's no place for women.

Gina, it's a man thing.

Gina, watch your man get dropped like a bad habit.

So whazzup?

Whazzup? So whazzup?

What's happening?

You know what, trey?

I ain't come here to fight.

We came to talk.

If you don't start nothing, there won't be nothing.

I ain't hearing your nonsense.

Your boy stole my woman.

You come here trying to front me off with all that yin-yang.

I ain't having it.

I didn't steal your woman.

She says she hasn't dated you in over six years.

Once mine, always mine, and that's that, all right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Let's hurt him.

It looks like I'm through growing,

So I'm just going to have to break you down to size.

Wait a minute! Hold on!

Wait a damn minute here!

Come on!

People, what are we doing, huh?

What the hell are we doing?

We're about to rumble!

Is that going to solve our problem?

Yeah! Eyyii!

Give me that damn thing!

Sorry. Sorry.

When are we going to learn

That violence will get us nowhere as a people?

Trey, you don't hate me because I'm going out with shannon.

You hate me because I'm tall, don't you?

I guess.

People, violence begets violence

Which leads to the grave.

If we were all to walk that path called love,

All my brothers and sisters,

We can all get to the promised land!

Amen! Amen! Amen!

Look...

Trey...

The other day at my boy's house,

You, um... You hurt me, man,

But, you see, I didn't come here tonight

To get any revenge.

I came here to say that you are my brother...

And I love you,

But if it makes you feel

Like a better man to swing on me,

You go right ahead.

What are you doing?

It's o.k.

That's how he knocked your a*s out last time.

You go right ahead, trey.

But before you do, brother,

I want you to think about something, huh?

What does it solve?

You know what, man? That's the first time

Anybody ever broke it down to me like that, man.

Oh, man, homey.

My mind's playing tricks on me.

Aw, man.

Listen, man.

I'm sorry I took your hat off in there.

I'm saying that was your pool game.

I shouldn't have did that. That was disrespectful.

I hemmed you up at the bar, man.

My fault, man.

You don't look like gary coleman, all right?

O.k., Man.

Hey, look, trey, trey.

This is beautiful, man.

This is lovely, you know.

You feel me?

Yeah, I feel you.

Wow, we're here now. We see eye to eye.

Mano y mano.

Look, man,

If there's anything you need at all, man,

You come to me.

Oh, like that? Dig it.

Since everything's fine and dandy,

You know, I was just wondering, um, um...

What?

Can I have a piece of your candy?