How y'all been? ♪ Martin
♪ Martin ♪
♪ Martin ♪
Aw, man.
This is when we went to lake michigan, man.
Tommy.
Tommy!
Huh?
Cole.
Cole!
Ain't there a game on or something?
We've been watching this for three hours.
No. We're watching home videos.
I need to find out where me and gina went wrong.
Oh, yo. This is my baby in a bathing suit.
Mmm...my baby had it going on that day, y'all.
Look, look. Now she's modeling for me.
Look. She flirting with you now, martin.
Now look. She pulling down--whoa!
Yo!
Yo, man.
Tommy, you ain't see nothing, did you, man?
No, no, no, no!
I didn't think so.
Cole, you ain't see nothing, did you, man?
No, no.
You sure?
Never saw that. Mm-mmm.
'Cause if you did, I'd have to k*ll you.
Tommy, let's get out of here.
Let's go to a club.
Feeling sorry for yourself's not doing any good.
You go ahead. I ain't ready for no club.
Come on, martin, look.
There's a whole new crop of women out there.
And they easy to talk to.
Use this line. It never fails.
Walk straight up to the first woman you see.
Say, "yo, woman.
You so beautiful, I'd lay down and die for you."
Just lay on down, right on the ground.
Works every time. Women go wild for that.
That works?
Unless the woman got a dress on.
Then you get kicked in the head.
But, um, you still get that peek.
Time to go out into the world, martin.
Aw, man. No, no, tommy! I'm telling you, man.
Kind of sad putting our whole life together in a box.
Not as sad as this poem he wrote.
"How do you go, girl? Let me count the ways."
Come on, gina. That is sad.
He tried. O.k.?
Well, this is it.
Goodbye, martin.
And good riddance.
It's time you found a new man.
I got the perfect guy for you.
What? No. I'm not ready yet.
You just cannot sit at home.
Get on with your life.
Besides, this guy's perfect.
Why haven't you dated him?
He's my cousin leon. There are laws against that.
It took me a long time to find martin.
It'll take even longer to get over him.
Pla-dow!
Whoo! Girl, he's gorgeous.
Ohh...girl, he looks like denzel washington!
Wait a minute. That is denzel.
That's my cousin leon.
Oh.
What are you doing?
Calling him.
Who?
Leon. Who do you think?
Hang up!
Wait a minute, gina.
You have to eat dinner. He has to eat dinner.
So you might as well do it together.
Leon, hi! It's pam!
I have a girlfriend that's dying to meet you.
She saw your picture and fell in love with you.
Get off the phone.
Her name's gina waters.
She doesn't have any kids.
Oh, god.
I'm not listening to this. I'm not listening to this.
Tell him I'm pretty. Tell him I'm pretty.
She's pretty.
Wholesome, too.
She's a pretty, wholesome, church-going family girl.
I think she's even a virgin.
Pam!
Will you be quiet?
He's a minister at the church on rd.
Trust me.
He's what?
Tomorrow at
That'll be great.I can't date a minister!
Her address is north hudson, apartment c.
O.k. Bye.
I'm hooking you up.
I'm going to k*ll you.
I am angry. I am very, very angry with you.
So you think he's going to like me?
Oh, man. Tommy, get off me, tommy.
What are we doing here?
We're here to have fun, remember?
Hey, how you doing?
Yeah, yeah. I remember.
Right, ladies. A single man in the house now.
Yeah. Go on now.
Look at you. Better slow down before you burn up.
I'm telling you, man. It's like, uh...
Toys-r-us here, but the lines ain't as long.
Mm-hmm.
Yo, boy. Put a pacifier in it.
I see you looking at me.
Come on. Bring it on home.
Oh, you going to try and dis me?
Better give that horse back his head.
Martin.
Remember me?
Deidre, two years ago, remember?
Deidre, how you doing, baby?
Remember, we met at a club,
Went to your apartment and made love.
I asked if you'd respect me in the morning
And you said yeah.
Oh, with all due respect.
Well, you never called, martin.
I sat by that telephone for two years!
You ever sit by your telephone for two years?
I don't think so.
Try it sometime.
You think you're the big man.
I got news for you.
You ain't all that.
Hey! That's why I didn't call,
Because of your attitude.
And get your neck fixed.
What's wrong with you, man?
I got kicked in the head by a lady with a dress on.
I got my peek, though.
Excuse me. Aren't you martin payne?
Listen, woman, I called you.
But they said please don't call no more.
She don't live here.
What? We've never met.
Oh.
But I think that you're the sexiest thing alive.
Every time I hear your voice on the radio,
I get all hot and steamy.
Whazzup?
Well, girl, then you take off this jacket
Afore you can get a heat rash up ahead.
Ha ha ha.
Aah!
Damn!
What the hell are you, a chia pet?
It's just a little chest hair.
The europeans find it very sexy.
Don't you?
Hell, no! That ain't sexy.
G-get out of here, sasquatch. Go!
Go shave!
♪ I know I didn't want your love ♪
♪ But I was caught up ♪
Gina, why? Gina, why?
♪ But to my satisfaction ♪
Why you got me out in a club looking for a new love?
You was my baby.
♪ And if I ♪
♪ Ever love again ♪
♪ I will be sure that ♪
♪ The lady is a friend ♪
♪ And if I ev-- ♪♪
[Stuttering and sobbing]
Excuse me.
Are you all right?
Uh, yeah, yeah. I'm cool.
Just air conditioning keep on dripping,
Uh, but I'm cool.
I'm cool, yeah.
Ahh...
You just broke up with your girlfriend, didn't you?
Is it obvious?
Yeah. How long did you two date?
Well, we were together for a year and a half.
A beautiful year and a half!
Aah!
Whoo hoo hoo!
Sometimes you got to let it out.
I know what you mean.
I just broke up with my boyfriend, too.
Ohh...oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Yeah.
You must get real lonely, huh?
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
I don't even know what I'm doing here.
My partners dragged me out of the house.
I didn't want to be here either.
I'd rather be at home watching the pistons play.
No, you didn't say you liked the pistons.
Yeah.
Girl, I'm martin.
I'm nicole.
Hey, nicole.
Well, martin, I think I should go.
I didn't want to bother you,
But you looked like you needed a friend.
Uh, nicole.
I do need a friend.
Be my friend?
O.k.
Thank you, nicole.
Thank you.
Um...how 'bout two friends
Get together tomorrow night for dinner?
I'm free all week except for tomorrow night.
Ohh...
I'm sorry.
But I wanted tomorrow night. Aah!
Aah! Nicole!
O.k. O.k. You've got it.
I'll cancel my plans.
I'll start making some.
Ohh...
Yeah.
Hello, my sister cousin.
Oh, lord! Look at you!
Oh! You done grown!
You just busting out every which-a-way.
Ha ha!
I have not seen you at the congregation lately.
Tell me what's missing from c-h--blank--blank--c-h?
U-r.
Think on that, will you, just for a minute?
Damn!
Well, now, you must be gina.
Does the lord know how to create a thing of beauty,
Or does the lord know how to create a thing of beauty?
Thank you.
I am reverend leon lonnie love.
Can I bless you two times?
Amen
And amen again.
I'd better be going.
I hope you two have a wonderful time.
I think I will be borrowing that jacket after all.
Thanks, pam.
Oh, and, uh, my sister cousin...
I will be expecting you at bible class next saturday.
I'll be speaking on the evils of, um,
Fornication,
Adultery,
And all things of a sexual nature.
Oh, and deaconess rubella
Will be bringing her fruit pies.
You be sure to keep my pew warm.
Oh, I'll do that.
Lord, you done grown!
Well, now, my, my.
Leon, I have something to tell you.
I just broke up with someone,
And I'm feeling a little rushed into this date.
Well, I know. I know.
You're a good girl, ain't you, gina?
Why don't you get on your knees?
What?
Oh, and pray. And pray with me.
Now, you might want to close your eyes,
'Cause this may require some laying on of hands.
Sister gina...
Is going through a period of intense struggle,
And she need to be strong.
There are many evils out in the world today,
And, uh, satan...
Lucifer, beelzebub...
Comes in many forms--
Not just the form of a serpent!
Can I get a amen
To make it go a little faster?
A-amen.
Thank you, baby.
He may come in the form of a man
Who has not been out with a woman in three years.
Three years, six months,
Weeks and hours to be exact.
A man that just want to lay his hand
On that soft, supple, perky little--
Now, satan, I rebuke you.
I rebuke you, oh, prince of darkness.
Down, I say!
Are you all right?
Yeah, I'm cool. Let's go eat.
I don't know about this.
I'm feeling a little anxious.
Gina.
Just relax. It's only dinner.
It's always better to break bread with your fellow man
Than to eat alone.
O.k.
Mercy, mercy!
Damned mine eyes.
Damned mine eyes!
Uh, gina?
It's the first el dorado on the right.
It's the first el dorado on the right.
Hey, man.
This brother here
Is a minister from the church of heavenly bodies.
He and I used to pimp together
When we were back in cleveland.
Now we're only pimping for the lord.
Let me ask you something.
How can ministers afford these kind of restaurants?
As you know, my sister,
God does provide.
Ha ha!
God provides like a son of a b*tch.
You're going to love it.
Just get the appetizers, right?
Ha ha!
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, o.k. So it's like that, huh?
Excuse me?
I see a couple of friends.
Let's go say hi.
Oh, god!
Are you all right?
I'm fine. Sometimes I just feel it.
Don't fight the feeling.
What's up now?
Ha ha ha ha!
How you live?
Hi. How are you?
Leon love, this is martin payne.
Brother man, sister woman,
You are truly blessed.
Ha ha ha!
And you know that.
Yeah, well...
This is, uh, my new girlfriend.
My new ba-by.
She's cute, too, isn't she?
She sure is, but it's a school night.
Doesn't she have to finish her book report?
Ah.
Oh, h*. Oh, h*.
I guess we got to go there, huh?
Oh, h*, h*.
You're right. I'll let you be alone--
You and your uncle.
No. No. He's not my uncle.
He's my new boyfriend.
Mercy! Does thou tempt me?
I can understand how you're feeling,
'Cause this is my new ba-by.
Rrow rrow rrow rrow!
[Giggles]
You go, boy.
You what?
No, no.
That's just a little expression that we use.
Ha ha!
Will you be joining your friends for dinner?
Uh, yeah. Bring a couple of glasses of wine.
Huga hah!
I will not be imbibing this evening.
I can't remember the last time
I tasted of the devil's nectar.
Not since the old days when I was backsliding.
Now I only taste the holy spirit. Hallelujah!
So you know god like that, huh?
Oh, amen, brother.
Ha ha!
Ha ha!
Ahh! Ahh!
Let me ask you a question.
Just what exactly do you do, man?
I'm just a humble servant of the lord.
Then act like you're in heaven
And serve a brother a biscuit.
Now, uh...
You don't want to mess with god's servant.
One prayer from me, and he'll take you out.
Whoa!
Ha ha ha!
You must have said something.
Ha ha--
Stop it.
So, um, you're a religious man?
Oh, amen, brother.
So, I guess that means
You won't be, uh, doing the nasty...
Until you get married. Am I right?
That goes without saying.
I'm beyond mere carnalities
Because the flesh can be so weak.
If it's that weak,
Maybe you ought to get yourself an implant.
Oh! Ha ha ha!
Yes!
Don't get god started.
If he does one more thing, lord, strike him down.
Maybe you should leave.
Excuse me, waiter!
This is a private table.
Please escort them to theirs--
Unless there's a drive-through window.
Drive-through window? That's funny.
[Choking]
Let's go.
I'm not leaving. You leave.
This is our table.
Take it with you when you leave.
He's choking.
No, he is not.
Mind your business.
Don't talk to her like that.
You're sticking up for her?
Brother, don't fight it.
The lord's probably calling you home.
Let me help you out.
Where you got it--
Right up in here?
Huh?
Is it out?
That's it.
Martin, stop it!
Stop it!
Martin, stop it!
Stop it, martin!
Oh!
Oh, gina!
Hold me!
Uh, check, please.
This one's on me.
Let me get the tip.
Oh, man.
What a terrible date.
Oh, baby, it wasn't that bad.
Nicole, I got a confession to make.
You know that girl gina you met tonight?
Mm-hmm.
She wasn't an old friend.
I know who she was, martin.
You do?
Yes.
Oh, damn!
I blew it with you, didn't i?
No.
No?
It takes time to get over a relationship.
I can already see
That you're a caring and loving man.
Ha ha ha ha!
No one ever accused you of being blind.
And that's what I find so attractive.
Really?
You think I'm fine?
Mm-hmm.
I also think...
That I'm in love with you, martin payne.